Parks and Recreation | Pawnee Is Perfection | Every Cold Open From Season 3 (Part 1)

ron we're back bully the bankrupt government of pawnee has been shut down all summer so it's been three months of no work no meetings no memos no late nights nothing i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy oh rounding up the team so exciting i have goosebumps feel and that's why they call me prince charming because i always find the glass slipper for my cinderella these are way too tight well the real cinderella didn't have hippo feet tom we're back jeremy suck it by the way i've been giving away free sports brought to the girls as a hot dog on a stick look we can dance all day but it's time to step up are you buying 4 000 rubber nipples from me or not dee you have a visitor we back we're back all right jerry oh my gosh look who's here leslie the nightmare's over jerry we're going back to work you're not gonna need this anymore come on called shotgun everybody heard me there is a crazy flu going around lots of miserable dehydrated people with high fevers and diarrhea and one of those dehydrated high fevered miserable people is april who hates me i want another nurse well there are none we're stretched pretty thin right now then i want a janitor they can do what you do right yep nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable except no one dresses up like a janitor when they want to be i get the sense that maybe you're angry at me for kissing andy no i'm not what are you talking about that's crazy and that you think it might be fun to take it out on me please don't do that do i can't do anything i'm sick [Music] my blankets are on the floor okay jerry what have you chosen to put in the time capsule these are my mother's diaries wow yeah she lived in pawnee all of her life and recorded everything she ever did and so it's you know kind of like a living document about the town hmm a disappointingly good idea from jerry better than good jerry perfect give me that january 18 1964 gerald starred in his school production of peter pan he was a beautiful tinkerbell it was an all-boys school [Laughter] hey leslie i have an idea why don't we put eduardo in there and seal the top so that he suffocates and dies okay time you're up for my item i chose a picture of my ex-girlfriend lucy with the mustache drawn on her face and stink lines coming off her because she stinks she broke up with me didn't really tell me why luckily when you're the guy you can just tell people she's crazy hey tom i heard you and lucy broke up yeah man turns out she's crazy that's what they always do on entourage ron i am submitting this menu from a pawnee institution jj's diner home of the world's best breakfast dish the four horsemeals of the egg pork ellipse wendy loves it too and i am submitting this a brief history of everything that has ever happened since pawnee was founded not like you get extra credit for this but i did type it from memory and for the first time ever compiled it includes a complete list of every official town slogan we've ever had oh my god that was late i know can you believe it crazy isn't it pawnee the paris of america pawnee the akron of southwest indiana pawnee welcome german soldiers after the nazis took france our mayor kind of panicked pawnee the factory fire capital of america pawnee welcome vietnamese soldiers pawnee engage with zorp for a brief time in the 70s our town was taken over by a cult pawnee zorp is dead long live zorp pawnee it's safe to be here now pawnee birthplace of julia roberts that was a lie she sued and so we had to change it pawnee home of the world famous julia roberts lawsuit pawnee welcome taliban soldiers and finally our current slogan pawnee first in friendship fourth in obesity ron jack cooper from the controller's office got a got a second sure what can i do for frankly this is a little awkward we received this letter from a collection agency about an outstanding debt from the pawnee public library it appears you have an overdue book or do i it's not the size of the boat embracing life with a micro penis tammy my ex-wife tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure i'm doing okay and if i am she tries to pick everything up okay i pre-dialed 9-1-1 so all you have to do is press send you're worrying over nothing if she binds her hands and you can't reach your phone then just try to chew yourself free whale tail whale tail she's flashing a whale tail abort abort hello tammy oh hello ron i didn't see you come in i was just checking myself for scoliosis and straight as an arrow just like somebody else i know jerky call off the dogs you and i both know that in my entire adult life i have never checked a book out of the library oh my god she's amazing oh i admit there was a time when that sort of behavior would have driven me wild but i am in a healthy relationship now tam a relationship with whom a lovely intelligent self-possessed pediatric surgeon named wendy sounds like a real clear the late charges and cut the crap good day good day leslie good good day i found this typewriter next to the courtyard dumpster an old underwood five with original carriage return took her home polished her up and bought a brand new ribbon off of electronicbay.com okay somebody's gotta do something i'm getting a cluster headache oh he's leaving let's go i'm gonna throw it away no i'm not it weighs a billion tons what is he typing anyway if you sons of try to remove this typewriter i'll kill you i'm gonna type every word i know rectangle america megaphone monday butthole now after we are given the certificate who do you think should speak first i think it should be me and then you but if you want it could be you and then me or it could go me you me what do you think how about just you thank you ron yes tomorrow the parks and rec department is receiving a commendation at the indiana state house for bringing the harvest festival back and although it's purely ceremonial it's a huge deal for me to go to the state house i couldn't care less about the commendation but indianapolis is home to charles mulligan's steakhouse the best damn steakhouse in the damn state i have taken a picture of every steak i've ever eaten there june 2004 porterhouse medium rare bearnaise sauce january 2000 they call this one the enforcer february 96 the steak ribeye the whiskey lagavulin 16. the lady next to me a specifically my ex-wife tammy okay this is this is the first time i ever went there look at me just a kid [Music] you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 209,771

Keywords: peacock, peacock tv, peacock streaming service, parks and recreation, ron swanson, nick offerman, chris pratt, leslie knope, amy poehler, parks and rec, andy samberg, jake peralta, the office us, aziz ansari, andy dwyer, cold opens parks and rec, parks and recreation cold open, rainn wilson, adam scott, cold opens, parks and recreation theme, parks and recreation best cold opens, aubrey plaza, april ludgate

Id: z_gFwHeqBxc

Length: 8min 32sec (512 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 12 2022