Parenting Rules I DO NOT Follow

welcome here i love talking about parental things i love being a parent i have three kiddos four almost three and almost two that was my toe cracking if you heard that sound and i remember growing up and just wanting to be a parent just wanting to be a mom when people ask me like sarah what do you want me when you grow up i always said a mom i just i just want to be a mom i love being a mom and i love giving you guys some good mom content so for today's video i'm going to be sharing with you guys some parenting rules or like kind of usual expected things that parents do that i just so happen to not do this video was inspired by melana like melina whenever you want to girl i'm here we can be neighbors buy a house together like whenever you're ready girl i'm ready no i just feel like me and elena would get along really well and fun fact a long time ago we were instagram messaging each other i was asking her some questions and in that she was like laying down not feeling well and i'm like looking at my phone my kids are screaming in the background and i so happen to not hear that she said that she was pregnant with ari i just completely that went right over my head and i just sent her a message back not even saying congratulations and then she sent me a message back being like did you did you hear what i just told you yeah it was really bad i am so sorry anyway she's fantastic and she did a video like this and i will link it down below because you all need to watch that video right after you're done watching this one thank you for being here and for watching let's go ahead and get started [Music] as usual a disclaimer whenever i do videos like this i gotta say something just because these things work for me as a parent doesn't mean they will all work for you but these kind of videos are great to make us think why we do what we do how we do it and maybe it will inspire and motivate you to kind of change things up in how you parent your children if you have some parenting rules that you don't follow let me know in a comment down below but let's get started number one and i have talked about this before and it is counting you tell your child johnny don't touch that and what's your child do he touches it and then you're like johnny don't touch that your child picks it up johnny put that down your child's like uh-uh i'm not putting this down and therefore the parent decides to count canada post is here yes i'm waiting for a super cool package okay okay i'm gonna count one count one two and they'll count two i've just heard a parent count to twenty this was so recent to twenty this is my thing with counting it's pretty much telling your child that you're not serious the first time and you're only serious when you actually start counting i want to teach my children when i tell them something right from the get-go there needs to be obedience if i don't see ob that is a huge package the whole house just shook when she dropped it if i say it it needs to be obeyed right away without hesitation and the counting thing just enforces and makes your child think that you're not serious until you start counting and that's not what i want from my children i want my children to obey right away when i say it and not wait for obedience until i start counting number two is sharing and i know melana touched on this and i was with her on so many points there's a lot of parents out there that are huge into oh you gotta share you gotta share you gotta share and yes i do agree that you need to teach your child to share and the reason for that is because really think about it a lot of the stuff that we are training our kids in now is setting them up and building their character up for the future their future shelves their future selves are going to have to learn to share with others so it's good to kind of start teaching them that now but i don't think children always need to share if one of my kids decides to go grab a toy and play with it i'm not gonna force them to always share with another child who wants that toy some instances yes i think especially when that child is kind of hoarding that toy being like this is my toy and i'm not gonna share with you and even holding onto it longer than usual just to kind of be stubborn or prove a point i think a little bit of sharing is pretty good there but i don't think all cases call for sharing because i think you need to teach that other child that maybe wants that toy you're not always going to get what you want and you need to this is what i say wait your turn wait until they're done that's the best thing i don't tell my kids like no no he's not gonna share with you no no she's not gonna share with you i say listen this child is playing with this right now and you're just gonna have to wait your turn and then you can play with it that just that just seems fair this just seems kind of fair number three is bedtime means sleep um so many parents will put their kids down to sleep and be like you got go to sleep go to sleep and for me i let my kids plan their rooms read their books talk to each other sing kind of do whatever until bedtime uh some of my kids will fall asleep right at like 7 15 we put our kids down at seven just because they're so tired from the day and then some of my kids might take them a little longer sometimes it's not until like 7 45 8 o'clock that they actually fall asleep but i give my kids a nice quiet time before bed and let them still have energy to maybe move around read some books talk to each other and in that time they're winding down so they can keep the lights on they can hang out for a little bit i think they need to wind down on their own just like a lot of adults need to do as well number four and this is huge is closed doors i'm going to fix my bangs they keep they keep going like this what's this don't do that my hair goal right now is to grow my hair out to the rapunzel after she got her hair cut you know rapunzel her hair was long and then flynn rider like cut her hair the short kind of brown we're pretty close that's what i'm going for anyway i just had to tell you guys that closed doors so if my kids have a timeout like they're sent to their room or they have a quiet time in their room the door is not shut the only time i shut the door on my children i don't even like saying on my children the only time i shut my children's doors is at bedtime because that's a cue that it is time to wind down and go to sleep but beyond that i don't close my kid's door so the reason why i talked about this in a recent podcast interview that i did with the minimalist mom podcast and i can link it down below think about it like when you were growing up and you were really mad you were really upset one of the first things you would do was run to your room and close the door because it just creates kind of a bit of division and also separation and when it comes to my kids i don't want to create that i like the whole open door policy and it also trains them to stay where they need to stay so if it's quiet time or a consequence and they have to be in the room i don't put them in the room and then close the door it stays open and i've trained my kids to stay in their rooms during these times and then to also know if there's something wrong or they need someone or they're scared they do have the ability to run out of that room nice and quick and get me or kieran i just like that open door as soon as you close that door there's just a little bit of division and just personally don't like it number five is no nicknaming things and this covers everything i don't nickname toys i don't nickname food i don't nickname body parts everything has a proper name and they're smart enough to know like kids babies they're not dumb we need to stop thinking that they're dumb because they're not and they're really smart and they're really intellectual so i remember all of my kids being babysat by other people and even from the young age of like one and the person would say like oh do you want a baba do you want bubba and then my kids were like no can i get a drink because like they just they had no idea what that was i remember my kids laughing hysterical over that just being like what are they what are they nicknaming these things but i think it's all the more serious when it comes to their body parts if you nickname someone's body parts it can become more of a funny thing more of a joke more of a haha versus something that's very serious i've been reading up a lot about just like so many of like these children doctors and psychologists will actually say this could have totally been avoided if you just taught your kids the proper words for their body and the importance of these parts on their body and then also protecting themselves talking to someone if you feel like something's happened just nicknaming things in general is a bad idea i'm like anti-nickname number six and it kind of goes along with that it's just no baby talk i remember with ivy and calvin and elizabeth making sure that i wasn't baby talking to them especially when it came to things like prayer time i wouldn't pray over i would be like oh thank you so much for i me and like her little eyes it was serious and in doing that and instilled in my kids that prayer is serious and honestly it's something we're still working on that covers prayer and a lot of other things but i think being very serious and talking like you are serious shows your kid that it is serious as well and it will also help them with talking and grammar as they grow okay we have a few more number seven is not saying no all the time i know there's some parents that are like no no no no no and they overuse the word no and i feel like there's nothing wrong with saying no let's put that right there saying no is very good because again in this time you are feeding your kid and giving your kid the tools that they will need for later on in life and if you don't say no to your kid guess what your kid's gonna be pretty darn upset when someone else says no to them and they won't know how to handle it but i suggest instead of just saying no having no as your go-to word having other words such as stop do not do that that is not safe and then depending on their age going from there so when my kids were one the word no and stop but mostly stop was frequently used because i couldn't be like oh hey like stop do you see that it's not very safe like if you type like they just they're like what but if you just very firmly stop that word will be related to things they're not allowed to do babies can understand that from a very very very young age then moving on as your child grows and develops you can say hey bob i would never name my kid bob hey bob do not touch that the reason why is because it's an electrical outlet and if you put your finger in there it's going to burn your body kids know what a burn is don't be scared to really tell them this is what's gonna happen instead of saying like oh and that's ouchy they it will burn your body and it will hurt i'm learning a lot about giving your child the moral reason why so instead of just saying no stop don't say stop no don't and here's why your kids want to know why just saying stop and leaving it like that unless they're of a very young age like i said before it kind of varies then you're just naturally putting curiosity into them and they will go into that thing further that you told them not to just because curiosity is real and you need to feed their curiosity in a safe way number eight is no baby proofing we have not baby proofed anything we have not babyproofed anything in any of our houses and when i say no babyproofing i mean no babyproofing with like tools like doorknob not opening things the drawer locks and the cabinet locks plug covers we haven't done that i will say though kieran updated all of our plugs that they're like the new plugs that kids can't put their fingers in because they're locked until you plug something in which i think is cool i think everyone needs one of those anyway the reason we haven't bought tools to baby proof is because we can baby proof on our own here's the thing my my tallest kid is like here right there i'm not gonna put anything dangerous below like or even like here because my child can still reach what i am going to do is ensure say the linen closet in our linen closet i don't put the laundry detergent even though it's natural i don't put it down below where the kids can touch it everything that is of a chemical things that could potentially hurt my child i put up high so they can't touch it the linen closet things i leave down below is like towels sheets for bedding and whatever so it's fine same with the kitchen i don't keep dangerous chemicals down below everything is up high i do that with our knives i do that with our even like our workout weights i keep it up high so the kids can't reach them so i've never bought in tools to baby proof i have just thought smart and kept things that would be dangerous for them out of their way and then also again baby proofing like for me you're just kind of asking for it like your kid will play with it your kid will try to figure it out and the thing is kids again they're so smart they'll figure it out it's just work smarter you know just work smarter number nine kind of controversial sympathy during tantrums when a child tantrums there's many reasons why but the main reason is that there's something that's really upsetting them whether emotionally or they can't get their way or there's a lot of different reasons why and they can't verbally say or even process why they're upset so they just throw their body out and scream there are so many parents and i'm not saying you're doing this wrong this is just for me and my kids they'll grab their children and hold them and kiss and be like it's okay it's okay if my kid reacts in a tantrum when i have told them they are not allowed to do something or this is what we're gonna go do or hold mama's hand in a parking lot and they just full out tantrum i will not sympathize with that that is wrong rebellious behavior and there are so many better ways to deal with a tantrum than hold your child and reassure them that it's okay because you're kind of reassuring their behavior is okay and i don't think that's okay i have a child that has never ever tantrumed and then i've had some that have tantrumed this is what i've learned all of them are very different and i've handled all their tantrums very differently some i come from a sympathetic approach but i'm not sympathizing with their wrong behavior others i know they need a timeout they're a little bit more introverted they need to think they need to be by themselves they have even told me that before so i'll give them time alone but i am not going to smother my child with insane amounts of hugs and love and kisses when they're just kind of outright being rude and wrong so yes a tantrum is kind of your child unable to say what they're feeling how they're feeling sometimes sometimes it's just how pure rebellion and them trying to get what they want but when my child tantrums i'm not going to come to them in a mushy gushy way i'm going to tell them that this is really serious their behavior is wrong i want to help them always say that to your kids you want to help them and then go from there again i would encourage you to say stop this is what we're doing you better follow that but anyway i know some kids that work really well with that sympathizing kind of trick when it comes to tantrums but for me whenever i tried that over sympathizing kind of trick my kids continued to use that it turned into a lot of rebellion and it kind of got out of hand and then when i decided to take the ropes and be like no you're tantruming is wrong this isn't how you act if something isn't going your way let me help you huge huge leaps over mountains in a good positive progressive way also you know what you guys you may only hear me say this once you can ignore them if they're going to tantrum to get your attention you have every right to ignore them i've babysat some children recently and they've tantrumed and i didn't really know how their parents handled tantrums so i just kind of let them tantrum 30 seconds up playing with other kids but i know if i gave them all my attention they would have milked that for their lives so again everyone's different that's just how i kind of roll with it thank you guys for being here and clicking on today's video again melina's videos down below she has a lot a lot of good things to say in that video you need to watch it just go click it watch it and thank you for watching this video i'll see you guys in my next one bye

Channel: Sarah Therèse

Views: 280,943

Rating: 4.9073505 out of 5

Keywords: tantrum, counting down, kids, mom tips, how to deal with, sarah therese, mom talk, how to, i am not that parent, milena ciciotti, parenting rules i do not subscribe to, parenting rules i do not follow

Id: K2detBTF32o

Length: 15min 52sec (952 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 04 2020