Our Infertility Story - Rich & Dawncheré Wilkerson

[Music] [Music] i think maybe let's just start by maybe take us to the moment that you even found out that it was going to be uh maybe not so easy to get pregnant maybe kind of go back to that moment and just share maybe it's in the story to kind of put some context around everything well it was a memorable day because it was my birthday and so it was my 25th birthday it was eight years ago and 25 year olds are significant 25 renting cars no insurance quarter life crisis for real it's a big deal and i had to be at work that morning so it was an early appointment i think it was eight or nine am and i just went in and um i'll never forget my doctor she walked in and she had done some blood tests on me because we had been trying to have kids we had started that year trying to start a family and she just said untrue your blood test results came back irregular and she said you don't fit the profile of what your tests are saying that you struggle with but i am going to send you immediately to an infertility specialist because you're gonna have difficulty starting a family and i'll never forget that day i mean i was sitting there i thought it was a routine doctor's appointment and just um just thinking what in the world this crazy like you know big family my mom's giving birth to six kids she my dad winked at her and she got pregnant like i never it never crossed my mind that i would have any issue um conceiving and so that started the journey of a lot of tests and um a lot of different seasons over the last eight years but you remember that day what was it what was it like for you i think that maybe throughout the whole process i don't know if i ever realized like how serious it was until you know i think the years sort of go by like when you found that out at 25 did did you know right away wow this is going to be an eight year journey or did you kind of go oh okay that's that's tough news but it's gonna it's gonna be okay what would you maybe say was your i think i kind of felt like i could fix it yeah i waited a whole year before i told mom and dad before i shared you know with the people that were closest with me you were the only person that i talked to about it because i just thought i don't even want to worry anybody i don't want this to be an issue and really to be honest i didn't want it to be a label on my life i didn't want to be identified with infertility it made me feel uncomfortable and so i just thought i'll try to figure this out on my own i'm sure by the time you know next year will's around i'm going to be pregnant or close to it and then you know i turned 26 and was still in the same place and it had a lot of failed attempts and just wondering what to do and i think a year in is when i started to share with the people closest to us well and i think one of the things that makes maybe the journey difficult for so many people especially i think a lot of the questions that have come in that people ask you a lot and just even we get to sit with other couples that have maybe gone through this is that for so many it's such a private pain that they feel like um i've heard all sorts of things you know women saying that they feel like they're not you know a complete woman because they're unable to have kids or maybe shame for so many it's a private thing that they kind of keep to themselves for you i remember the first few years you being very very private about it but at some point you sort of kind of decided chose to say i'm not going to stay quiet anymore about it i'm going to go public with him and talk about it maybe where'd that moment come from well it was a process of becoming comfortable with what we were facing and accepting the circumstance but also not identifying it as my actual identity yeah i had to come to a place and it took me years that's why i think it's really important that everybody's journey and story is different like we're just telling our story for me it took a long time for me to come to a place where i was comfortable sharing it because i was uncomfortable with the situation and i think that it is a really private thing you know you're going to the doctor you're having tests you have this desire in your heart to start a family and there's nothing you can do about it it's a really private pain and when people start to ask questions uh you know when you when you get engaged people ask you when you're gonna get married when you get married they ask you when you're gonna have kids when you have one kid they ask you when you're gonna have another kid it's just it's just casual conversation it's harmless but when you're in a place of pain even those harmless questions can be shots to the heart and you don't know how to answer and you don't know what to say and so it was a journey for me and i think for every person it's not something that you never pressed me to share it i'm so grateful for that like you were never like you need to share it with everyone you let the holy spirit comfort me and speak to me and affirm my identity and holy spirit's so patient and you were so patient and it took years for me to get to a place where i was comfortable sharing it with several friends and then more friends and then then to a place where in church i could actually be honest even in ministry moments about our journey oh i think i mean just a common probably difference between you and me at times is that i think that you generally speaking are a private person yeah doesn't really and then i'm sort of that's true i don't know how that is it came from such a big family but yeah but i think yeah i think naturally you're kind of more yeah reserved private and then maybe at times i can be a little bit more like hey just sharing it all and so i think that there was a bit of a a slight tension in the sense that i'm just having a feeling of going wow if we're going through this we ought to get everybody we know on board praying with us agreeing with us yeah and i was kind of under the notion people would ask the question all the time when you have kids and once we did go public without my my responses became going yeah you know we're practicing every day whatever god wants to do his work we're doing our part you know i would kind of just make a joke out of it but also at the same time be honest with where we were but that's not everybody's once again that's not what everyone else has to do that's maybe how i'm dealing with it you're dealing with it but i remember being so proud of you when you did decide to share your story and i think for so many the reason why the miracle matters so much more to many people is because they didn't just get to witness the miracle they got to witness the pain they got to witness the valley of it all they got to witness the trial of it all yeah it's like you know what's a triumph without a trial what what's a victory without a real challenge what's what's a win what's a story without a struggle i think many times people they don't get to celebrate the victories of others because they don't really understand people's struggle and i think when you decided to go public you decided to share your pain share your wound when god did bring a miracle i feel like so many people were able to celebrate with you because they were with you back then in the pain yeah well god did a real work i feel like in my heart as far as securing my identity in those private times you know of going this isn't who you are like you can have the freedom to share it publicly you can share it with your community at church people can ask you questions they can say things but your identity is rooted in being a child of god you know and i think as women i talk to a lot of women who feel like their their womanhood is that question you know that they are less than there's a piece of their identity missing because they're unable to start a family and it's so real because i felt that way but the truth is is that infertility is not excluded from what jesus paid for on the cross if jesus paid once and for all for us to be whole for us to be complete in his love then why do we act like infertility isn't covered by that that's great our identity is secure in christ i had to come to a realization of that a real honest realization that no like i'm not known by what i can do or my ability to start a family or my health or even what we achieve or any of that like my identity is i'm a child of god i'm secure i'm loved and i think also coming to a place of understanding a lot of people a lot of women have opened up to me and i'm so grateful for their vulnerability who are in ministry and they go what if i do share just makes me feel so uncomfortable and i think i had to come to a place of going it's not about me anymore god's done enough for me in my life he is he has healed my heart even before the miracles come to pass he's secured my identity he's been patient with me now it's time to be honest so that other people who are in a hopeless desperate situation can know hey you're not in it alone like i haven't held the baby and i haven't seen the miracle come to pass but god's faithful yeah he's he's faithful he's been faithful to us well i think one of the big decisions that we decided to make as a couple was saying that with or without a baby we're going to walk yeah joy we're going to walk in peace and if god doesn't have a baby for our future well then he's got something better for our future i think there's something about that of going babies don't complete me husbands and wives don't completely promotions don't complete me my favorite job doesn't complete me my dream doesn't complete me jesus is the thing that completes me and i think more so than me you were tested in that in this space um i think that as a couples go through this together so for sure i think that there's guys that are watching right now that have feeling pain or not knowing the right words to say and i just think that as a man in the home you just gotta get in it and lead with it and walk with your wife through that thing and cover her and put value on her and for me i don't know everyone's story once again it's different but i've never had a feeling of going man i'm less than a man or we're not a full family i did always have a a calm confidence that it was going to come about there were some moments i think where it's going what if this doesn't happen and that's where i think you and i had this decision in art they were saying even if it doesn't happen we're gonna we're gonna be the best two parent best two people we could possibly can be we're gonna love our church we're gonna love our friends we love our community we're gonna take advantage of all the things we can do not having kids you know what i mean i just think putting your full weight down and going the blessings that the baby the blessing is is jesus you

Channel: Official Rich & DC

Views: 1,832

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: 2NnAWB2RxkY

Length: 11min 19sec (679 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 02 2020