Oh No, He's Ranking The Elden Ring Evergaols...

have you any idea the curse I bear bargaining will get you nowhere with me is that what you think this is I ask for no more than a mere understanding of the pieces in play and I ask no more of you than an adequate performance for a change is this what you call content I see no quarrel with having a little fun every now and then for you to say putting the enjoyment of my work on display is in bad taste no I'm saying it doesn't work whether people want it to or not Gods setting the Lim grave chapels on fire what in the hell were you thinking I remind you once more that I'm the reason you aren't sitting in a Cell in the capital right now the result is the only thing of our interest but if you fail to make significant progress my protection May suddenly come at a price you can no longer afford I'll see you to it that you won't be disappointed counselor well I've uh I've got a deal to fulfill so I guess we better get started this week we're ranking the ever jails you guys like how I opened it with this week like I'm pretending to have a coherent upload schedule well in case you didn't realize I've actually been uploading significantly more lately and that's all thanks to my editor I've listed below speaking of which I think he needs to be paid at some point some if you guys will uh excuse me for just a minute War Thunder is probably the most comprehensive vehicle combat game I've ever played in my life it's got a selection of over 2 000 tanks battleships stealth bombers helicopters and planes all crashing into each other in the most dynamic combined arms PVP experience all of them have these intensely detailed models and even their individual components are independently customized to make your own Vehicles stand out as much as possible anything from camouflages to historical markings the potential here for personalization is just unbelievable War Thunder has Vehicles dating all the way back to the 1920s which means the occasional hilarious yet intense scene of a biplane taking out a goddamn Martin F-35 or something will just be a part of your regular Tuesday by using my link you can get yourself started with a massive bonus pack with premium Vehicles boosters and all kinds of crazy benefits that can give you a really helpful boost you can get it right now on PC PS5 Xbox series X or S and consoles from the previous generation as well before or Lauren Hound ever jail houses one of the many Bloodhound Knights you find in the game but this will probably be the first one you ever find you've taken your first steps towards lore of them like you're innocently tearing open a Christmas present as a kid before realizing there's five other presents under the tree and they're all the exact same goddamn gift however there are much more to ever jails than the random mini boss crawling out of Ye Old sewer canal and I don't want to give the impression that this is just another boss ranking list in Disguise because we have enough of those in the world already this particular ever jail becomes a destination for blind side quest if you refrain from going in at the very beginning swear yourself to slave them and become Ronnie's personal bottom and blind gets thrown into the ever jail by EG patiently awaiting your uncertain return fight the Bloodhound Knight now and you can actually summon him hardly reason why you'd need to though the four Knight flinches with every attack he throws if you just hold up a giant slab of cardboard in his face and if you're prolonging visiting this ever jail up until you submit yourself to an accursed horror movie prop then you've already killed at least one or two of these guys and stuffed a nice 30 Rune levels up up your ass it's nice the game gives you that extra help I guess but chances of you needing a buddy to help you out with that infamously tough limb grave boss scaling or up a rat's ass but I do like blood as an NPC and my personal biases are making it tough to give this every jail anything less than a low B you even get this fancy cat food opener too the storm Hill ever jail is hard to beat at the very beginning and even harder to defend as a worthwhile location it's one of the other so subtle hints the game never misses an opportunity to throw at you where it's like you can always come back later when you're a bit more powered up but I don't feel like it I won why not because my depression makes me put my self-worth in questionable things okay now kindly bend over so I can shove this pull arm in between your orange primordial butt cheeks there's 16 of these guys roaming around too so it's not like you can't get a little combat experience out of your belt and practice with the rest of the squad and then come back here later but that takes patience and the ability to walk away from a fight a skill set that seems to be in quite a high demand these days because we've largely attributed walking away with giving up and that's weak Crucible nights aren't the worst opponents to be caught with if I'm being honest their attacks are telegraphed enough to actually see what they're doing but that doesn't shake away the feeling like you've been in a car accident when you managed to get hit this ever jail really isn't the early game Vigor check it thinks it is all you really have to do is go seed picking near a couple golden trees killing whatever looks at you funny and by the time you're deep into Stormville you're more than capable of making a small detour to come back and erase this guy from existence and all that effort for one third of a furry cosplay yeah thanks I'll pass wow okay it's way too easy to make a snide remark about this one weeping ever jail yeah cause I'm weeping for a better boss over here this is officially where most of you guys will start realizing wow when you're starting in Lim grave every boss looks unique little did we know at the time these guys were being mass produced atop a Giant Mountain in the distance we thought was just there for background decoration the ancient hero of zamor looks cool enough I guess he has a varied move set and even slacks us out with a phase two of course the average first timer is going to look at this and think wow this is a completely original boss and which method of judgment is the fairer I wonder should I be judging this ever jail from the perspective of said first timer by excusing the repeat boss enemies later on down the line by just being willfully ignorant to them or should I choose the obviously correct second option you could tell I was heading towards anyways because of how I described the first one I can't even say this guy's a skill check like the previous two like he's just weak like he's not he's nothing special the only really intimidating thing about him is the frostbite damage so yeah about as threatening as a sentient Ice Cube and you might as well have given me one instead of the actual reward for defeating you this one's a d next I'm sorry what the are these ever jails even trying anymore I mean I've given you before for lack of worthwhile items and Reliance on the idea that placing all the cool looking bosses at the beginning will allow our disappointment with all the copycats later on to simmer down a good deal but that was supposed to be like encouraging I didn't want you to show up to work dead but it looks like that's the effort we're getting you want to know the lore of this guy the highly detailed meticulous lore of Aiden thief of fire he stole fire he stole fire from The Mountaintop and that's why there are fire monks and liar in you now because apparently he brought his pursuers with him wow can't wait for the sequel hero thief of embarrassing mistakes to come along so I won't have to look at this ever jail anymore this guy isn't just easy he's the annoying kind of easy that keeps one or two decent attacks in his back pocket and only whips them out when you're about to fall asleep setting the ground on fire and he has a flail so you can't Parry anything so that's about 30 percent of the excitement that comes from fighting NPC Invaders already gone I guess you can use Madness and stuff on him but what Madness related spells or weapons would you even have this early in the game his armor looks like he cut a hole through the bottom of a cast iron cooking pot and stuck his head through it but he rolls around like solid snake in a Barrel why does anyone even like oh I killed him oh I got flame of the fail God uh um fine I'll give it a c I guess good old balls here is yet another example of the argument that the ever jails only exist to give you cool items if you can prevent dozing off while fighting their Gatekeepers glorified treasure chests every last one of them but I'm going positively cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs over that glint blade spell so cuckoo's ever jail at least gets a little bit of slack in that regard are we like past the point of taking bosses through the Halloween Isle of Walmart and then just insisting that they're different I can't even act like I haven't seen this guy before thanks to his semi-transparent twin brother hanging out near Southern liernia now that I think about it the great blade fouling spell isn't even that noteworthy if you're looking for Poise break potential you're probably better off using the ash of War variant anyways even with the decreased FP cost since 1.07 you have better choices available and I genuinely have no idea where they got the name balls oh well I guess by pointing out the low hanging fruit I can make two jokes at once I got a better idea how about a Black Blade gargoyle with a plaid sweater vest named cuckoo was right this ever jail is off its goddamn meds if it thinks it's any shred of good the Royal grave ever jail is another piece of evidence that reinforces my argument that this is just you already know what I'm about to say I've written this like three times there's no point here's a bunch of cookie cutter rerun bosses were throwing at you but you get these cool sick items so you can't get mad and honestly this item might actually be worth it the meteorite spell is a little brother variant of a later spell you get so much later on in the game that you don't even need to worry about getting it now so I'd simply count my blessings and scoop it up since it's here this guy has maybe three moves swipe bigger swipe and Earth bending that's about it and if I missed anything it's probably not worth mentioning in the script anyways just run right at him and whip out a few sexy running r2s with a colossal weapon and he should go down in like 10 seconds there you go so the easiest spell you've ever earned in your life take that out of bastard I might need to double check that one because I'm pretty sure this ever jail gives you an onyx Lord and not the other one it I I might just leave it in either way because it'll be funny I do remember having to search a little for this one on my first couple playthroughs just because it never actually occurred to me that there would be something behind Korean Manor except you know an entire optional section of the game specifically labeled behind Korea Manor so I guess I'll give it a few points in the exploration category it's not exactly what I would call a repeat boss anyways at least not to an egregious extent it's not like I'm running into so many of them that I could re-tile my roof with them like I could Crucible Knights or archery avatars so yeah take this B and just move on ah the Moonlight altar the butt alley of velvet ring revenant's giant magic dragons Red Wolves crystalians Abdullah and of course the ringleader herself electo from what we can surmise from everything the game gives us this bitter old croon is one of if not the sole perpetrator involved in the assassination of God one on the night with the black knives one dead deity later all hell is breaking loose in the capital and the black knives realized the local flavor might not have taken too kindly to having their equivalent of Jesus Christ escorted around the back of the barn to have his face blown off electo manages to escape scot-free Tish does not and that's why we get her spirit ashes in the ever jail wow I I'm impressed I didn't think there would be a reason wonderful job said Miyazaki to his team now all we need is a boss how about one of those bedsheet looking enemies that scoot around a whole bunch and make you feel like you're trying to catch a hockey puck with a pair of tweezers but we already have like 10 of those somewhere yeah that's true but this one has a name at least this one tries to be different from her sisters she has a plunging attack that summons a bunch of malekith like anime death blades in the vague space around her that seem to hit you whenever the hell they feel like it and the only thing she's weak to which is frostbite just so happens to be the exact kind of element that mean looking dragon from two minutes down the road is proficient in the game does everything it can to make this fight easy for you all things is considered right down to giving you one of the most powerful spells in the game and then politely informing you of the practice dummy at the other end of the neighborhood waiting for his ass beating but that would mean grading the entire area and taking other factors into consideration and I'd like to just focus on the ever jail by itself uh let's see well you did kind of bum me out with that whole story about Tish earlier so I guess you've earned a b at least Hema Scholars seek to quell conflict with cannon fire huh well that's a big fat press X to doubt on that item description because I can't get more than three feet away from this weirdo without him suddenly switching tactics and calling in the Howitzer missiles this is why we don't start brainstorming boss fights 30 minutes before a shift ends he's not even a boss he's just a regular battle mage with like a gavel we were fighting these guys as regular enemies all the way back in liernia for shit's sake actually you know I think they had gavels too so what's even different here everything about the Celia ever jail is just something I've already seen somewhere else before and I realize I should be saying that for most of the ever jails but I I at least felt like I was participating in some illusion that tried to be slightly different but no no no not with this one no magic great blades no red death waves or meteorites just plain as paper clear as Crystal blunt as a wooden spoon battle mage Hues invade his personal space like you guys are standing in line at Space Mountain and he can't do anything except bonky with his little whack-a-lord Hammer can we kick him can we get some gavels in the comment section please I thought I was clear on my stats with like this when people started slapping my ass for being weirded out that there were two estels guys listen I can fake getting my homework caught in my locker door all I want but no matter what lore explanation I give my AP English teacher it's not going to change the fact that I'm failing the out of that assignment Lord be damned at this point honestly I get that he still LED armies or whatever in his Heyday I'm not saying that's not important but if phase one godric is the best this guy deserves gameplay wise then I would have rather had goat Roy just be one of those obscure figure years we only hear about and never actually interact with like Godwin or mikola I don't know what sort of content might be awaiting us in the future DLC wise but I'm really hoping we've grown out of the hole let's copy paste a big enemy somewhere in an empty forest and give him a cool item so you can't about it phase of Elven ring because like I'm far from the first person to complain about this sort of thing saying Elden ring had a repeat boss problem was basically free YouTube clout 10 months ago it was an issue in bloodborne it was an issue in DS2 and it's a slightly less egregious issue now just because everything's more open this doesn't change the fact that you at least I don't know could have made him look different give him a different weapon alter his moveset even slightly so we can at least continue huffing the yes but it's different copium but it doesn't even give you that it gives you less than nothing actually not only does it recycle a boss that I and many others thought to be Irreplaceable to an extent but it sacrifices the entire second phase to do so the one cool thing anyone would have remembered from godric's fight this is the kind of you see in randomizers I'm not kidding this fight like psychologically with me I remember having this looming feeling of dread that apparently no matter how unique or iconic of boss is it doesn't have immunity to this sort of treatment I couldn't open an Ever jail for the rest of the game without half expecting a chance encounter with Daniel or some all right kids why don't you sit down and let me tell you the story of a man named vike in his prime he was pretty much set to become the new Elden Lord no other tarnish out there even came close to his strength except one day he decided to put his Maiden on a pedestal and threw himself into the frenzied flame that's a lie that's not that's not it's actually pretty close to the truth look the description even says look man you're out of luck go ask body so I got nothing for you all I know is he got gobbled up by the Flames influence and now his armor looks like a thumb thumb from Spy Kids had his way with him back behind in Applebee's the fingerprint set is already a perfect armor set if you're looking for some Elven bling but vike's Dragon Bolt would have found more use if vike himself emptied his bladder all over the parchment and flew it in the sky like the goddamn Union Jack it's no secret that I hate the spell and I'm pretty sure that's what the common opinion is as well so I'm not even going to give you the liberty of explaining why oh look in one of my other videos I'm more than positive I've said something nasty about it at one point All Things Considered this is one of the less offensive ever jails however I always feel bothered when I actually think about the magnitude of character like vike should have had on the greater plot of the game he had the balls to make it all the way here to the Mountaintop so any detour to the frenzied flame means he would have literally had to go back down the lift and take the plunge into the sewers whatever the reason was It was obviously very intentional shouldn't a guy like this be getting a little more screen time I understand if you want to stick to him being an NPC Invader because he was a tarnished after all that's what makes the most sense I'm not asking you to swap him with a Godfrey or anything just a little more Fanfare I guess would have been nice is this really a guy that deserves to get spam sandwiched by any spell that produces more Force than a sneeze I don't really feel like he needs to be here but he is and I guess the only thing we can do about that is to give it a good old B and move on well I think we learned a valuable lesson today we learned that there is no such thing as a good ever jail with the exception of those with actual story significance all one of them these glorified treasure chests have little reason to exist and ultimately serve as a means to let players know hey this person you're about to fight existed at one point they used to be important they are no longer that so please kill them this perfectly sums up everything I feel about ever jails in the game you guys like Rewards well uh this link has a shitload of those look at all this cool stuff you get if you create a war Thunder account using my link in the description yeah yeah oh and and the pin comment too all right that's all I got pointless but not really in the way of anything so just uh just who cares that's the final verdict oh

Channel: Rusty.

Views: 472,217

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Id: 2pewhGwrbx0

Length: 17min 35sec (1055 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 28 2023