O.E.E. presents The Lucy Show with George Burns

starring Lucille Ball sorry Gail Gordon hello mr. burns nah man what can I do for you I stopped by to pick up my dividend statement ah yes well my secretary has your files you'll be right back fine and do you smoke cigars mr. Mooney yes yes I do yes may I have one Thank You gag daddy always post that on me some actors have to be on all the time so I've heard oh that could be very annoying I could never be like that I think it's unprofessional I say once an actor walks off the stage and leave his work there and be like everybody else very commendable I'm going to relax like Irving Berlin said on that song many years ago lazy I want to be lazy when I just lay in the Sun with no work to be done yet morning they call the sky to detangle while counting sheep while I sleep like a child with a great big burly spool of books to read while it's peaceful time being lazy now mr. Mooney maybe I can find about furniture to be here under the B's and Martine Miller Mons and Murphy under the B's maybe we'd better wait for my secretary I hope you don't mind bathing think nothing of it now that I'm not doing an act anymore all I got is time on my hands nothing but love in view and my boss once and for all I'll see my dreams come true moments to spare for someone okay because mr. Mooney don't be embarrassed nobody ever lets me finish the song a lot Oh would you care for know this they go oh no and I'll go right on with your work I'll just sit here and look at the stock report oh yeah my I envy you mr. burns how's that of being able to retire in the prime of your life just it back and to collect dividends well that might be true about some people but not above me it kills me not to be doing a night oh why did you stop working well I've always liked to work with women I had a great I'd go in with Carol Channing and then she left me she went in Velo dolly and then I did an act with Dorothea bromine and then she went into television and Connie Stevens one of the pictures well why don't you find some other girl to work with you mr. Mooney comedians are not that easy to find gotta find a girl with a kind of a pixie personality eccentric way out a real cook the girl like that is very boy the crack the third time you got here I've been trying to fight mr. burns pile Oh Oh George Burns how do you do oh you've been a favorite of mine for years oh I used to watch you all the time on radio watch me radio I mean I I used to listen to you on television yeah that was the year my picture tube went up he's going back to watching me on radio a the funniest bang Leslie of time I go I've been trying to find mr. burns file it is not under the B's oh I must have put it under the Exodus would you put the B file under the XS that's what a little file never has anything in it well no I don't know wait a minute uh oh I bet I know what I did you see mr. burns I always have trouble remembering names so I took a course in word association now burn reminds me of fire so you filed it under the air no no fire reminds me of stove so you put my file under the acid no so reminds me of pot roast it's your time you filed it under the page know that rose reminds me a noodle mrs. Carmichael you are making me hungry reminds me of my mother your turn remind you of your mother yeah she made the best noodles and I bet that's where I put your father noodles no under gravy I don't know what I'm going to do with you I know what I'm gonna do it start a whole new career this is karma have you ever thought about going on the stage oh oh my life how would you like the door not with me Oh mr. burns you can't be serious I know it that's where I want to get back on the stage what do you say oh well that's very nice of you mr. burns but I couldn't do that I I couldn't quit my job here why not because it wouldn't be fair to you mr. Mooney you need me good help is hard to find well I'd be delighted to start looking mrs. Carmichael this is a great opportunity for you to make a lot of money yes I know it does sound like a wonderful opportunity yeah oh and you know today my horoscope said that my my whole future was gonna take a turn for the better so did mom how much would our name well it's it's it's unprofessional for an honestly discuss money oh that's usually handled by your agent for someone who handles your financial matters Oh Oh mr. Mooney usually handles all my financial things yes yes and I'd be delighted to represent you in this matter why'd you yes indeed for the customary 20% 10% is customary Oh 10 yeah I'm new to showbiz business don't you talk it over when you decided what you want you can get together with my agent fine here's my address be at my apartment tonight and we can start rehearsing your apartment quiet there nobody'll bother us well I I hardly know you mr. burns and going to your apartment here you in show business at all mrs. Carmichael you don't have to worry about a man like mr. Byrne she does too I mean that you are the gentleman mr. burns I just meant that well I'm a you're a man and if I go to your apartment people might talk what people there won't be any people there nobody believes it anymore good evening it's very right come on it thank you oh what a lovely apartment I'm glad you like oh it's so Biel when you're ready to try a little rehearsal oh yes I can hardly wait to find out what I do on the stage Weiss you've got a line how to get on the stage oh hey deej making an entrance is very important uh now let's see where are we that'll be the wings right there oh uh huh now this will be center stage yes sir yeah that's the audience out there that's the audience okay now we're introduced over the house might allow it ladies and gentlemen here they are George Burns and Lucy Carmichael oh they all catch the place our entrance music oh what is their entrance need some of these days oh now let's make a round welcome with them over here now your walk out just like I do yes sir okay yes ah here they are ladies and gentlemen George Burns and Lucy Carmichael now there's music and I'm walking out and I'm bowing and I get to the center of the stage and when I get to the center of the station honey you you walked out too fast oh well I guess I've waited so long to go on stage that I was kind of in a hurry Oh over here over there oh that's it now we'll stop well no see say hello hello to the audience oh hello don't look down at the audience but people in the back can see you oh no no I'll 10 little trick especially when you know when you might be self-conscious you look out at the audience but you don't see them you sort of look past them Oh what now well Lucy say hello very good thank you you better get curtsy yeah I thought Ginger Rogers do that on The Late Late Show last night yeah I saw her on the show she's my favorite my very favorite but she's very good yeah fetish Darren's in the picture - it was it was a wonderful picture you know at the beginning of it Fred was an ambitious young dancer playing in the show in Muncie Indiana never been in Muncie I was close there oh one of the chorus girls in the picture Fred's up there dancing away you know and Ginger's in back of him kicking with the girls you know and she accidentally kicks Fred and the people laugh and Fred is very embarrassed you know and then the girls go offstage and ginger starts for her dressing room and Fred comes offstage grabs her and starts bawling her out and that poor little thing is on the verge of tears she's hurt not hurt him where she kicked it and he tells her she's nothing but a a clumsy clown with two left feet and he called her a no-talent nitwit and then she calls him a swell headed nincompoop yeah and that's when they realized that they really loved each other later that night he goes over to her apartment to apologize for bullying her out you know and he knocks on the door knocks on the door that's Fred Astaire I'm giving up to God hey hope you don't mind my dropping by I suppose you came by contact to tell yes yes I did and just see how my client is getting although we've been rehearsing a little bit yeah mr. burns is teaching me how to say hello hello oh my that's very good he's worth a lot of money this girl laughs I don't discuss money I like to talk to my agent Wow yeah no no no more save it save it till after we've made it to you by the way mr. Mooney I hope you don't think I'm taking advantage of you how does that well show business is nutrient you'll be dealing with a man who's had a lot of experience in theatrical deals well watch the difference money is money and after all a man with my back banking and financial experience it may be that your agent will be the one who is at a disadvantage my agent is very good at money matters oh it burns your agents calling good put him on hello George this is Jack time mrs. Carmichael's agent is here right now fine let me talk to her good there he is his name is Mooney mr. Mooney and mr. Mooney my agent what's his name Benny Jack Benny Jack Benny is your agent we'll be Fatiha we will not yes you just get his book someplace I got you a break-in date for tomorrow night at a club in Santa Monica we open tomorrow night at a club in Santa Monica Oh wonderful wait the Booker's from Vegas will be in to see you and I so I hope the acts good don't worry she'll be fine I mean you and now ladies and gentlemen George Burns and hello wow that you're on the stage what are you gonna do oh well when I was in the beauty parlor this afternoon I heard a wonderful joke would you like to hear it and has everybody dying laughing but all I dare oh well this one man looked up and said to the other man don't ask me I just got here myself is that the joke well there was some stuff ahead of it that I didn't hear they were dying laughing at I wouldn't tell that if I were you to all areas has been kicked let's let's talk about your brother Oh which brother do you want to talk about the one that's married you're the one that's in love Oh oh yeah yeah well that's my brother Harry he's with the FBI your brothers with the FBI yeah they take him up in Kansas City so the FBI picked him up so they had to he couldn't pick himself up Harry how did your family ever try to do something about his drinking well we sent him to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist worked and worked to get to the bottom of Harry's drinking and finally he found out Harry's problem what was it Harry likes to drink we all have our reasons I think Harry drinks to forget forget what that he's a kleptomania Mary was always going into stores and taking things so you know what my mother did what well she took some adhesive and she taped his hand shut all but this one finger cactus and shut well but that why well so he could play marbles with my other brother and play marbles with one finger well mother did that to even up the game you see Harry didn't have all of his fingers and my other brother that made the game even when your mother taped up Larry's hand so that he only had one thing it did this stopper shoplifting well it helped all he could steal her Donuts long as the broke Harry's back don't have broke his back yeah you see he had a doughnut in his right hand park and they tried to get it out with his leg broke his back yeah well next time he's got a doughnut in this right hand pocket don't try to take it out with his right hand mm-hmm well that's kind of hard when you got your pants on backwards yes pants on backwards yeah you see Haryana suit with two pair of pants and he put one fare on frontwards and one pair on back so that he could walk either way that's when the truck hit him ah truck the truck that didn't have its lights on well why didn't the man in the truck average lights on well he didn't have to it was daytime well it was daytime didn't the man in the truck see your brother coming he didn't know with my brother two pair of pants coming sweetheart in a country town the neighbors play live happily the whole day long until one day jolly was go away she wanted and what could go wrong it's best man we should part just as he went away heardest we don't say here's a pretty temple Lucy play with it although one of these days Oh again just elope with one light hug my ball and I tease me only when you're when the Sun go beyond the other side job you know baby thank you you lookin bet you're gonna be full of sorrow like you've had your way and Rosie you are just great thank you everybody out front I couldn't be more proud of you well banking and showbusiness are different you know this girl is sensational and the men from Las Vegas have offered $10,000 for the act $10,000 they'll go as high as 15 if you won't sing we'll take the ten to Vegas Oh wonderful you know this is like what happened to Ginger Rogers in that picture last night the producer saw her on the stage she got an offer to go to Vegas but he'd been with Fred so long as she didn't want to be even Oh Oh mr. burns I can't go why not oh because I can't leave mr. Mooney oh but I want you to go no you don't you need me I don't need you I want you to leave I don't believe you any more than ginger could leave Fred not even when Fred pretended to be mad and said things that were very nasty to make her man mrs. Carmichael please get it through your head I want you to go with mr. burns my life would be happier without you happier that's what Fred said because he didn't want to stand in her way but ginger knew that fred needed your just like you need me mister moaning now now now it just wouldn't work I couldn't be funny out on the stage thinking about mr. morning back in the bank trying to get along without me mr. moehner you must be a wonderful man how do you inspire such loyalty I don't know what I've done to deserve this you're not mad at me mr. Bern what for this is the story of my life but what about the engagement of Las Vegas well now that I don't have a girl I guess we'll have to pass up to $10,000 I'm just awfully sorry about it but you know mr. burns mr. Mooney if you think I'm gonna let $10,000 go down the drain you are crazy you

Channel: Outlaw East Entertainment

Views: 34,534

Rating: 4.7431192 out of 5

Keywords: Outlaw East Entertainment, Lucy Show, Lucille Ball, Television comedy, episode, funny woman, queen of comedy, redhead, hilarious

Id: AZ0S8fTPqQM

Length: 26min 37sec (1597 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 20 2011