NOT Too Stunned to Speak.. Ft. Spencewuah || Reddit Readings || Two Hot Takes Podcast

it's been so long I know I know it's been too long yeah but I'm here it's going to be more regular thing and you've got a lot going on you know you're piercing stuff quitting vaping yeah you've had some big things happen recently yeah I actually like I really I want to show you like did you get tattoo too no no no I thought you no you can see like where the patches were oh my gosh like actually like this side you can see it more I was like allergic to the let me adhesive oh my gosh yeah I was like allergic to the adhesive because you can see exactly where it was on my skin and it's like all dry and cracked and I've been like having to moisturize oh well I'm so proud of you thank you everyone give Spencer a round of applause a positive comment for quitting vaping and if you out there Vape you can do it too it's a lot of work but you got it babe it's a lot a lot of no it's like actually it was I can't imagine was I was surprised with how well I did I I do think it was because of the patches yeah but if I mean like I'd have friends over and they would Vape in front of me and because I had that would be so like triggering but I I feel like it wasn't cuz I had the patch and I was just like I don't have any like I wasn't like oh I need it cuz it's like the what the way the patch works is it does like a step program yeah so it goes down in 7 milligram increments wow so the first step it's like 21 Mig it's released throughout the whole day it lasts it's like a it's like an extended release at all right but it's like for a week and a half and then step two it's 14 milligrams okay and then I like weans you yeah and I just finished the well I didn't finish it I just don't want to wear it anymore the 7 milligram one because of like the sticky the skin reaction yeah it's just not no well I'm so proud so so proud that's such a big accomplishment you did it okay well well today's theme that I have for you okay it's going to be like too stun to speak too stunned yeah okay too stunned like I read like I read a couple of them but I'm going in blind with you just based on like the title I was like oh my God what is this going to be like I'm I'm stunned off the title title you'll see when we get into them oh my gosh I'm so scared but they're good ones I think we're in for a bit of a wild ride but what was that audio was on Tik Tok for a while wasn't it like she was too stunned to speak oh yeah what was that um it was um the woman was too stunned to speak and then it's like the camera revolving around her I know exactly what you're talking about that's me today with this that's me I'm ter like I'm not terrified I'm just like like I'm excited but I also like I don't know that wait like the theme is like too stunned to speak but like the themes themselves like I don't know them yet so I guess I'll have to buckle up baby buckle up up baby buckling up okay let's dive in [Music] okay I'm nervous I'm ready like I'm just like I'm just like no you got this i got this it's going to be good okay we're starting off with a little bit of a warmup okay okay perfect this is 3 hours old coming from AI T ah titled am I the [ __ ] for break up with my girlfriend after finding out she has a pen pal in prison see the theme is working I like I feel like I need to like know more been dating this woman for about 7 months now things are fine we are both in our early 20s I don't like to Snoop or anything like that and I'm generally pretty trusting however after moving into my apartment I started noticing letters coming in from from a prison LOL I decided to open one and found out that it was to my girlfriend and it was a very descriptive letter and almost flirtatious he talked about getting out and starting a new life and visiting her I asked my girlfriend about this and she said that he was an old friend and that I don't have anything to worry about she said that she can talk to him about anything and enjoys getting the letters when asked about the flirtation nature she said they used to see each other but that was in the past and he knows that I decided to look this guy up and found out he has a lengthy criminal record such as drug paraphernalia possession hit and run assault and robbery he's been in prison for 3 years and still has another 18 months until he's out I decided that it wasn't worth it to keep seeing her as this could potentially be dangerous am I the [ __ ] no no sir no no no like I feel like I I I had to know what he was in prison for I feel like if it was like she was like yeah he went to jail when we were in high school and we were really good friends but like he was just caught up in the wrong crowd and like I'm just here for him now as a person just like he has someone to talk to I'd be like maybe but the fact like this is for your own safety too like if he's already being flirtatious and he's been he's in jail for assault yeah I could not like imagine what he would do to you if like oh there's just so much done pack here that I just no and he's got this idea he's flirty he's talking about I'm excited to get out and start my life and come visit you so it's like there's some hope that like she'll be waiting for him and to have that destroyed well it's like he's goingon to show up at your house where the letters are coming to visit her and you happen to be there that sounds a little like it's a little risky yeah a little risky a little like uh tiptoe hit and run assault and robbery those aren't like things no if it would have just been the drug paraphernalia in possession I would have been like H oh yeah whatever you know but hit and run and then Thea I just I feel in the back of my head at least like the way I'm thinking about it is if I were in that situation and I had a partner and they were getting letters from someone who was in jail for assault I feel like the main concern I have is like the assault charge cuz it's like you can get violent and I don't want to like be caught in the crossfire because did she even tell the guy in prison oh wait yeah she told him that like she's with someone and it's over and like they have nothing but then at the same time wait they used to have a thing they used to have a thing being flirty us dat I know so she's like giving him false hope I feel like imagine him knocking on the door you answer and it's like oh hey uh my girlfriend's not home right now and he's like girlfriend I thought that was my girlfriend too yeah no there's no comments from op yet it is only 3 hours old so we'll have to keep an eye on it but they've only been together 7 months like cut your losses and move on yeah at least just had like with with like seven months has then they've been boyfriend girlfriend yeah yeah that's not too bad like get out of there get out yeah top comment not the [ __ ] even if you take out the prison part she has flirtatious Communications with an ex-boyfriend MH and doesn't see an issue with that so you're certainly justified in not wanting to deal with that you shouldn't have been snooping through her mail and should have asked her about the letters instead of opening one I agree but ultimately that doesn't change what she's doing I also but like here's my thing I hate I I really do I hate to be that person but it's like if one of my girlfriends hits me up right and they're like I have a feeling my man is cheating I want to look through phone I would support you like if you're my I'm going to be like okay like if you want to look through his phone I got you but it's like don't be don't get angry and don't overreact if you find what you're looking for you know and I feel like in this situation if I was living with someone and we had been together for seven months and I saw they they were getting letters from prison I mean yes I would ask about it but I'd also be like we're together we live together I don't want to know what's tea like I want to know what's up so forgive me but I'm opening up this letter and I mean like if it was a family member I would apologize and I'd be like so sorry I didn't know like that it wasn't my place to do that but the fact that it's a man that she's been communicating that she used to date and he's flirtatious with her it's kind of just like well thank God I did open the letter because if I hadn't who knows if she would have lied to me I was just going to say that like you some sometimes have to like read it like very well because if you are with a person that you don't trust completely it's also tough giving them the opportunity to lie yeah and then you have to ask yourself if I don't trust them why am I with them so it's like if you're going through phones if you're messaging their friends behind their backs or if you're doing kind of things to like catch them you're probably just not with the right person anyways all that makes so much I actually recently just stopped talking to somebody and I had to just dip out of there I actually Drew posted a video and I I'm not saying this was the this might have been the same thing this was the cataly yeah well this was afterwards and I was like Drew you really I sent it to her too I think I actually text her last night and I said I needed this um it literally was in the video Drew was like do you actually like him or do you like him because you know he likes you oh and I was like wo she was like are you settling because you know he likes you and I feel like that's what I was doing but I'm really glad that I caught myself because there were like prior to me stopping to like talking to him I'm just spilling the tea right now for no reason my bad um I met him oh I I never met him in person I actually it was when I was in Vermont for the Paramount thing we like matched on Tinder we started talking for like a while started FaceTiming every night but it got to a point where if I wasn't answering him right away or not devoting all of my time to him it was like he thought I hated him because of his like past yeah because of his past relationship inure yeah attachment was he nice to me yeah but also the way that there was I always had to like give and provide reassurance like I was sending him five paragraph messages maybe towards like me ending things like talk to him I think I sent him three like five paragraph messages within a week which after like only 2 months and not having like really connected in person met in person I was like no no no I was like this is too much and then I like did I posted a video not about like not necessarily about him but like the circumstances of just like I understand if you have Trauma from past relationships but like don't bring them into new ones like you need to like see a therapist or like yes and he ended up messaging me and he was like for you to like use my trauma as content and this sound that and I literally was like this isn't about you this is about like personal experiences that I have had and I'm sorry cuz like he's not the only person that's like brought in traa from past we all have our own baggage but you can't you can't let it impact your next relationship and if you do then it just shows you're not healed and you need to work on yourself whether that's alone with therapy love therapy and that's not using that against that's weird that's weird also the fact you messaged me sorry if the shoe fits if the shoe fits and that's on that because if it like if the shoe that's what I have to say if the shoe fits oh there's sometimes I'll have like and I I'm so sensitive and I know it but like I'll have a friend they'll like like post something and I'm like is this about me I'm just like I'm I sometimes I make it fit even if it doesn't cuz I'm just like so in my head sometimes yeah well like I do that too but it's because I want it to be about me cuz I'm conceited and I love it I'm like yeah this is about me I'm a Leo what can I say you are such a Leo MH which makes me so confused about Justin cuz he's a Leo but like doesn't give he's kind of a cuspy though when is he August 20th oh see like I'm a cuspy but I'm July 23rd like I'm first day of Leo last day of cancer okay he was also born a little early so that makes sense I was born a little early too I think I was supposed to be born on the 26th or the 28th of July and I was born the 23rd oh wow yeah my mom so you were really supposed to be my mom went in and she literally was like hey um he's coming and our water hadn't broke yet and the doctor was like no he's not and my mom was like you don't know my baby I'm telling you he wants out he wants out of his mama he's going to be born tomorrow morning and I was I was born she was in the hospital July 22nd and I was born July 23rd in the morning oh my God a psychic my mom knew that like intuition and like just feeling your body is so crazy that's like motherly intuition I feel yeah yeah well speaking of pregnancy and people's bodies not this is cray cray so this one is one day old it was posted in our very own two hot takes subreddit okay it is titled am I the [ __ ] for telling her it's my choice to leave too after she said quote my body my choice so I was on a marriage path with this girl everything lines up so we are talking about kids and such just planning out of nowhere she tells me quote I would have to have my sister's baby I go what her I will have to have my sister's baby as a surrogate if she can't have kids I promised her this when we were little that is a weird thing to promise especially without consulting the guy you'll marry her she has some fertility issues what is she supposed to do which is weird to me because she just said that this was a promise from childhood like how do you know she has fertility issues when you are eight me not sure how that is my problem and I'm not sure why I should be okay with letting my wife having someone else's baby in my marriage so she is advocating for having that baby in our marriage not before marriage while she is still single her well it is my body I can do that if I want to me what are you talking about you can't reserve 9 months off to have your sister's baby if we are married husband has a say on that decision too that type of thing is now a marital decision her my body my choice me well I can choose to not deal with that too ever thought about that I tried to explain that it is not is having someone else's baby in our marriage but there could be life-threatening complications during pregnancy as well and even with no Health complications that isn't something most husbands would be okay with but no go she thinks she can do that because it is her sister and it is a sisterly favor she acted like I was crazy to think the way I do I obviously thought she was the crazy one who is the [ __ ] I'm not going to lie like I think it's him yeah I like I I mean no I do I just it in my in my head it's like if I knew my sister wanted children and she had fertility issues I would carry her child for her like that's and I what what confused me the most was when he was like a lot of guys wouldn't want that and a lot of people would think that's that's uh what did he say it was like off or weird yeah no I'm I and there are plenty of people who are like my sibling can't have children and we're close it is her body it is her choice and it's her sister so if her and her sister are that close and her sister can't have children and you love your family member or your sibling that much yeah you're going to do it there shouldn't be a problem there and if you love your wife you you wouldn't see a problem with it either yeah I completely agree I think the quote he says that is a weird thing to promise especially without consulting the guy you'll marry and I think why would I have to consult you about well I mean it is her body her choice like that I totally agree with I think given their specific context this kind of is Consulting you before you guys are married she's telling you now but like she doesn't need to ask you for permission you're not married you don't have kids if this was someone who they were married they already had kids of their own and she had had risk pregnancies and so now her health would be on the line by being a surrogate I would then I would say babe like we really have to think about this like I know you made a promise to your sister but I can't lose you we have our own children to think about you know also when realistically when is the right time to say something like that like when did you want her to tell you that yeah like the first week you guys started talking that's so that's too early that's way too early you don't even know if you're serious yet right and now you're how how long into it he doesn't mention how long they've been dating he just says I was on the marriage path with this girl so it's like it's hard to know and the account's been suspended now so I can't look at comments comments let me see if there's any comments on the thread not seeing any comments from op like adding more context but marriage path like if someone's goofy it could be 3 months of dating and I'm on the marriage path it could be 3 years we don't really know but it seems like it seems like she's really giving him a fair heads up you're not marri like again like you're not married yet you haven't proposed you said you're on the marriage track so you're obviously together in dating Y and it came up in conversation like pretty naturally yeah they were talking about having kids and such exactly it came up natur great time yeah and she told you what's up like she was like Hey I promised my sister also plenty of people find out at a very young age if they're infertile or not or if they can't like especially nowadays I don't know how old this person is like but if he was on the marriage path and he's like my age or a little bit older I'm turning 23 when I was younger I like going to a urologist I was able to find out very quickly if I was able to have children or not yeah like when you go to like um what is it like a child urologist the ones that like they check for like everything down there you find out quickly whether or not you are able to have kids same goes for women or people who are able to carry children you find out you can find out at a young age so I wouldn't be surprised if she was 8 years old talking to her sister about it like can't have a baby yeah or even like um childhood like when I'm like when I consider childhood or like growing up like yeah we made this promise to each other growing up I feel like for growing up and being with my siblings I would assume that's like anything under moving out and like going to college or like that kind of age like childhood could be 12 13 when girls are typically getting periods yeah so it's like I don't know it's not it doesn't seem that weird to me not at all like I've also like Pro I've promised friends when I was younger like we're going to get married if we're not married by 30 yeah I mean those aren't things that I would like stick to because you're just my friend but if I had a sibling yeah and I was like oh if we were like 13 14 and I found out that my brother say I had a twin brother and he couldn't have kids and I knew that like I I would totally be like yeah I'll I'll yeah I if you have a surate or you want to do in um what is it like uh fertilization yeah I got you like I'll do it and I won't even tell your like your kids will never know like I would I would keep Uncle cuz it's not it's not your kid it's not my like biologically sure but like yeah you're raising your child like I don't know it just seems bizarre to me that also again this is like I feel not to like keep going with it but that is such a personal experience to have with a sibling like who are you to say anything about that like who are you to question the bond of siblinghood between two sisters especially when one can have children and the other can yeah I think it's weird that he's like trying to shame her too like not many men would be okay with that not many husbands or however he words it and it's like my partner would be okay with me being a surrogate for one of my family members or friends why are you also why are you inserting yourself in that scario again I understand if it's like you guys are now married you've had kids as you mentioned earlier and there are like Health complications and and you've noticed that there are Health complications when it comes to your wife yeah giving birth but that's not that's not the case no she's just letting you know and you know what it is her body it is her choice and it is your choice to leave and go for it you're allowed to leave but don't shame her for even no sorry no I'm just like ah no yeah even if you were married if you truly weren't okay with your partner being a surrogate or donating whatever you have the choice still to leave you always have the choice to leave it just becomes different levels of hard or easy to leave depending on if you're dating or married or whatever but you can always leave yeah you can control yourself and yourself only what other people choose to do is their choice and you can control yourself that's what setting boundaries is also if you really loved her and if you were really on the marriage track for her like to be with her I genuinely do not understand why you can't see the situation from her point of view yeah and I'm again this is another thing that pisses me off about this when she was like well my body my choice and he was like well it's my choice to leave it is bye it is bye bye yeah yeah it is your choice to go and it is her choice if she wants to carry her sister's child and be a surrogate yeah weirdo Beyond goofy I love how in the beginning I was like slowly getting angry and now I'm just mad at him I know am I the [ __ ] yeah you are get a grip top comment my wife came to me a few years ago when her sister was dealing with IVF and had another round fail this was 3 to 4 years into them trying she asked what I thought about her being a surrogate sister's egg if that matters we had a long conversation about it looked into her work and if she would get maternity leave we talked about the financial impact she probably would have to fly out to them when she was getting close or they'd have to come here for a few months and rent a place I agreed to support her and she made the offer to her sister I told my brother-in-law it was a serious offer if they needed and that I was on board they were touched but really wanted to have the experience herself fortunately the next round of IVF took and they now have a beautiful daughter they're thinking about having more but my wife was adamant that it was a onetime offer she's over 40 now so I'm not sure if should be cleared to be a surrogate anyways anyways that's how I think it should be handled and I'm really glad that my sister-in-law and brother-in-law have their daughter there you go mhm but again like that like people are like this is how these conversations should go not the one reported on the post above yeah it should be a mutual thoughtful decision made as a team it sounds like neither the op or his girlfriend are willing to do the work and do it together but I think it's such a different context because they're only dating uh-huh they're not married and so I don't know I think a lot of people we might we might have some people come for us and say like no not the [ __ ] like you're not the [ __ ] for telling her it's my choice to leave too it is then just leave yeah no and I feel maybe there's no [ __ ] here I feel like no no no no do you think I feel I am strongly I don't think he is an [ __ ] for leaving that's not why I think he's an [ __ ] I think he is an [ __ ] for shaming her and being like a lot of guys wouldn't want this who what like who who are a lot of guys also it's just like having another man in the comments being like well me and my wife did we were ready to help about her sister like we offered I feel like I like it's so if you aren't for it that's fine but don't now make it seem like like a lot of men wouldn't appreciate this cuz that's not true no that's not true and it kind of just sounds like you're talking down on her to make your case sound better like you're trying to you're trying to uplift yourself and have people agree with you by being like a lot of people would no talk for yourself speak on behalf of yourself okay I still think he's the [ __ ] and it's like not for leaving not for leaving if you want to leave go that is your choice to go but also to like do that comparison of like your body your choice then it's my choice to leave like that's I find that weird I find him a little manipulative yeah I guess it could be and if you guys want to come for me if you guys want to come for me that's fine we can have a difference of opinion but pop off Spencer I just just how I feel let's go baby one of this week's Partners is Zach do one thing you shouldn't have to compromise on is your health especially when you're looking for answers in a hurry and you're worried and stressed and that stress could be making your health problem worse which is where Zach do comes in there's no more compromising when you use Zach do Zach do is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online our very own Justin is dealing with some skin stuff right now unsure what's going on and stressed beyond belief you wanted answers fast like next day fast and where were you able to go and get an appointment Justin was able to secure a dermatology appointment rapidly and he would have been able to get in sooner if it weren't for his busy schedule Zach do that app was open I love the reviews you really know what you're going to get from someone do they believe you are they willing to work with you to find solutions for your health so important so you don't waste your time and worry yourself or feel even worse so if you're ready to try it for yourself go to Zach do.com tht and download the Zach do app for free then find and book a top rated doctor today that's Z do.com tht zocdoc.com THD I feel like if you straightened your hair you'd look like one of those Afghan dogs like you know how people say owners look like they're dogs if you straightened your hair and got one of those dogs that would be very true for you you know what dog I'm talking about right no I'm looking it up you have to see one that has really nice hair that's exactly what I look like but it's just like my hair I'm so serious I actually have this one like that that's the dog you would look like no no no no no it's definitely more of like that's such I want that dog's hair color to be honest I feel it I have a photo of it Spencer's going to send me a picture and we'll see what the hair straight looks like okay well speaking of dogs this was a great transition for us wow wait what's going on now yeah this is 2 days old titled am I the [ __ ] for refusing to take my daughter's service dog back home I have a 12-year-old daughter let's call her reys who has a service dog for her diabetes the dog is by her side about 22 hours a day recently we were going to visit some relatives so I double checked with the host to make sure that nobody had allergies and the host said it was fine so we showed up to the family function and one of the other cousins let's call her May is immediately concerned and says we can't bring the dog in because her 4-year-old is death L afraid of dogs I explained the situation and that the dog wouldn't go near her child but may still insisted that her daughter wouldn't be comfortable and asked me if I could put the dog away or take it back home I didn't budge so she ended up sitting as far away from the dog as she possibly could get telling her upset daughter quote I won't let the dog hurt you which made reys my daughter feel like she was causing trouble and it stressed the other kid out my sister-in-law says that I could have prevented the drama by just taking the dog home for its rest time and I could have monitored Reese myself am I the [ __ ] for refusing to take my daughter's service dog home no no I don't think so at all also my thing is it's like it sounds like the cousin May is afraid of the dog and she's using her daughter as like cover that's how I feel because like weird here's my thing like if I had a child right and my child was deathly afraid of dogs it would be understandable like say my child got a like attacked by a wild dog and like how to go to the hospital how to get stitches I would be like okay like I understand but if my child was just like afraid of dogs I'd literally tell like my kid I'd be like hey that's our cousin I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you but that's her service dog and she needs the dog to be around her 22 hours out of the day to make sure that she's okay yeah and I'd be like we don't have to go by the dog if you don't want to but just know that you're okay and I'm here that's all that's all you have to do like and also what pisses me off even more is that the cousin was like I won't let the dog hurt you as yeah as if the dog was going to like shut up just say nothing bad is going to happen like it's so like what do you mean I'm not going to let the do oh my this is a service dog this is a very well Tred dog I I completely agree I feel like the mom is almost making this fear worse within this child and obviously this is a valid fear like a lot of people are scared of dogs but the reality is like that's something you should try to work on you are going to encounter dogs everywhere especially depending on where you live like people taking dogs places I will admit like is out of control like did you see that one woman on Tik Tok who made a video talking about how she brought her like dog to Traer Joe's and all of a and she looked and the dog was lifting its leg pissing into a freezer full of food and she was telling this story in the most like lol it's so funny disg you're gross your dog is not a service dog it does not belong in a grocery store no dogs belong in a grocery store unless they are a trained service dog that's my hot take for the day and if you disagree your dog is okay staying home your dog doesn't want to be at the grocery store I agree come on I I agree if it's not a service dog why are you it's gross I also know people personally that it's like okay for example the other day I was walking with my friend Kevin Kevin has a dog her name is Roxy cute doggy um I was like Hey I want to grab a snack um do you want anything and he was like no I'm fine I went he had Roxy he waited outside for me I walked in grabbed my snack came back out I'm sorry if your dog is not a service animal I don't think it belongs in a grocery store no I just I don't like I understand even if it's like oh I'm going to be in and out really quick I don't care I don't like did you go for a walk today and take your dog I don't know if that your dog ate [ __ ] or not I've seen dogs literally Justin my fiance he had two dogs little poodle and a big a big doodle or something I don't know and literally the little one would sit under the other one's ass when it pooped and eat it like soft serf oh dogs God can gross yeah yeah get your yeah but a service dog is no different than a medical device if someone had oxygen and they needed portable oxygen to get out and live their life you wouldn't say hey your portable oxygen tank doesn't fit the family function can you take it off and put it away yeah service dogs are classified as medical devices you can't just ask someone to leave their wheelchair at home because you don't want a wheelchair coming over come on it's the same thing I agree if it is a trained service dog it's a medical device this girl has diabetes mhm what if she you know diabetes is very serious what if she passes out that's like a that's another big thing like blood sugar dogs dogs can tell they can literally smell it smell czy and that's the thing it's like oh my gosh like I I would have understood if it was just like a regular dog like a regular dog that like that's different but this is a service animal please like get it together yeah and use this as an opportunity like hey Rosie or whatever the little four-year-old's name is this is a service dog let's just watch it's going to be okay let's just watch we can we can stay really far watch and we like literally they can be across the room and we can just see look at what the dog the dog is with your cousin just making sure that she she's okay also to make Reese feel bad I know that's ridic and now and here's the thing it's like the fact that your family and you're making reys feel bad for needing a service dog making her uncomfortable someone who needs the service dog in the first place I don't really like that either no top comment you're not the [ __ ] service dog Trump's fear of dogs even if it's a small child who fears the dog and then they quote what op said like telling her upset daughter I won't let the dog hurt you gez may I wonder why your kid is scared of dogs maybe because she acts like a presumably well- havav and minding his own business service dog is the Boogeyman right that's literally what I'm saying like you are feeding into your child's fear by being like I will never let that dog hurt you what it's a service dog [ __ ] calm down sorry so weird Opie does respond the dog is very well trained she only really jumps when she's alerting and that's usually directed towards reys occasionally someone else if Rees isn't in a good place physically the chances of her going near May's kid to begin with were low it's like the last like the last last last option like if nobody else is in the room I feel like and if anything the dog would have hit him his wife like Reese's mom or dad like either one of them like yeah there's no need for again a service animal to run up to a four-year-old child and attack them it wouldn't happen like let's just do the math here it wouldn't happen like it would not happen yeah no service dogs go through so much training this isn't a horror movie like isn't Cojo right and it's like here's my thing I oh my arm got caught sorry I've like I know someone from when I was younger who was actually attacked by a dog and do not get me wrong whoa excuse me damn who was that that um but like I know people who have been ATT I know like two people who have been attacked by dogs one was on their arm one was their face oh God that's my biggest fear and it's like those are like I understand people who fear dogs in that sense but in that same breath it's like they the only way to get over your fear mhm like this is the best circumstantial situation where it's like you're with a service dog who is not going to be anywhere near you and they're only going to be their only concern is going to be the person they're servicing yeah like this is your best chance to be like what is it called um oh my gosh exposure therapy exposure therapy yes in a sense right like you're just it's just a great it's a great opportunity I'll say that like it's a great opportunity with like the most well behaved dog to just be like hey I get you're scared but I got you it's going to be good this is a really nice dog this dog is very well trained let's just sit and watch reassure your child but don't I'm going to protect you like you're making it worse you're making you're implying that you have something to protect the child from right you're instigating yeah annoyed moving along mhm this next one is a couple weeks old mhm it is titled my 30 female coworker 28 male is ignoring me after I said he should leave his wife how do I make it less awkward okay my co-workers Sam and I are like two peas in a pod I've never had a relationship like that we both like documentaries and books we constantly send each other documentaries we always take lunch together and talk about the videos we've sent recently I asked him if his wife watches those videos and he laughed and says no and that she jokes and will'll say he's such a nerd I said it doesn't seem like you two have much in common he got annoyed and asked am I implying that he doesn't have a connection to his wife I told him it seems like we have a stronger connection than him and his wife he told me him and his wife are happy and happily married I told him it's just strange she doesn't share a major interest of yours he started ignoring me the rest of lunch he blocked me from his personal phone and we only speak at work now even then it's only about work even after I apologized he's still the same way I want things to go back to normal because the work days are definitely longer ever since he stopped talking to me so am I the [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah sorry sorry B sorry babe sorry D.A I think you are like I'm like it's there are plenty of people that are in happy relationship ship and they are literally like Polar Opposites and I feel like yeah there are people on Happy relationships that are similar polar opposite it doesn't really matter as long as you find your right person and like her calling him a nerd I feel like that's like a flirty like bantery thing like oh you're such a nerd like not in like a mean way more in like um cuz I've said it too like I've talked to guys who love Star Wars and I'm like okay nerd but like as joke that's a joke that's like a loving like little banter he's such a nerd yeah exactly and also sorry for you to know he's a married man comment on their relationship and then co-workers that's unprofessional yeah and then also be like I feel like ours is better I'd block your ass too especially if you were texting me outside of work now if I was his significant other like if I was his wife and I even for a second was like I'm kind of uncomfy with her texting you outside of work and then you said some [ __ ] like that to my husband at work if he didn't block if he didn't block you I'd block I'd block you for him that's the appropriate response right like that is the right thing he should do good job guy doesn't happen a lot no it doesn't and he did the right thing should that this is exactly how you should execute this and like op asking how do I make it less awkward you don't you already made it awkward you just got to give a t like honest to God the only way is like time like really like a long long time and even then you already like burn the bridge yeah like I'm sorry babe but you like crossed a boundary like you crossed a line that like you shouldn't like to go to a married man and be like I feel like where like our bond is better and then like implying that he should leave her like that's wild like if you like if you I also like don't don't agree with this writer at all being like you your wife should share one of your main interests and passions I don't agree I think every couple should have their own interests their own passions that are solely theirs now here's where I could see maybe where she was trying to go if the wife is actually unsupportive of him watching documentaries then there's an issue but it is okay to have separate interests and your own identity you don't to mold into this blob of of people and blend yourself like you can be your own person you can have your own interests just because I love horses doesn't mean Justin has to yeah that's just not how life works you want to have your own identity and passions right like what are you saying also it's like not your place no like at all you're coworkers you're not besties it's like you it's not like you've known this person your entire life like again your co-workers at work and you don't even see them interact by the sounds of it you're getting this limited Insight on documentaries and like a little banter joke that she calls him a nerd no offense ma'am you sound crazy it's giving unhinged yeah it's giving unhinged I'm I'm sorry babe but no I'm not like maybe see a therapist top comment this is the proper response to that conversation period it may have been joking but you crossed a serious line he rightfully isn't going to entertain talks about his marriage with other women next comment down I'm actually very proud of him period same yep enough said on that one moving along thank you another one of this week's Partners is Stitch fix are you tired of shopping or endlessly trying things on just to be disappointed or upset with how they look ever cried in a dressing room yeah that's been me a few times actually with Stitch fix you are not going to get that you are going to get style that makes you feel good and it doesn't hurt your budget either with Stitch fix you're going to get a personal stylist who understands your style size and budget they do all the shopping for you so no more annoying shopping where you go and you try to try stuff on and there's not even a mirror in your dressing room Stitch fix makes it so easy to find the clothes you love and that make you feel good and you can find Styles you've been searching for you can actually upload pictures from your social media or things that you see on Stitch fix so your stylist can take those and give you pieces for your wardrobe to create those looks you want I did this for one of my trips to Europe and I got the perfect clothes from my stylist and the pieces I didn't keep able to send back with a shipping label they give me shipping returns and exchanges are always free so if you're ready to try it for yourself get into some style that makes you feel as good as you look get started today at stitchfix.com tht that's stitchfix.com tht stitchfix.com tht this is coming from relationships mhm 3 days old mhm I 43 male accidentally insulted my partner 43 female and she has remained cold ever since and she wears sweats all the time now what did you say we have been a couple for 7 years I only now realize we both view her very differently from my perspective she's never been interested in fashion at all always wears black jeans she has dozens of black tops she doesn't wear makeup doesn't get her nails done only does root touch-ups and I love her and don't care about this at all from her perspective apparently she dresses elegantly and minimalistic she says she's always wearing no makeup makeup I guess she means mascara not sure she says she pays the salon every month to color her hair or it would be gray the reason this came up is that we met up with friends and one of the women is very fashionable always done up I had mentioned in passing to my partner that I loved that she The Other Woman wore vibrant colors my partner had said she personally isn't a fan of bright colors and in the past when she has tried to wear them she doesn't like how it looks I told her if I was a beautiful woman I'd wear bright colors for attention and that's probably why our friend does it anyways this was the gist of the conversation if my partner was getting upset I wasn't picking up on that I honestly don't even recall what I was saying that made her mad but she ended up annoyed with something I was truly confused but we ended up in an argument I told her that based on how she looks I had no idea she even cared about looks or fashion she was getting really angry at me which tends to make me mad too so I told her that if she cares that much to my surprise she should present herself better she insisted I tell her what I meant and so I told her that she dresses boring and it makes her look old and dumpy I also told her I don't care at all but since she appears to she should try to dress more fashionable this was 3 weeks ago and she was very angry with me now she's not angry but she's remained cold and she now has taken dressing in sweatpants and sweatshirts she says she won't be dressing nice around me anymore but I never thought she dressed nice in the first place obviously I put my foot in my mouth and I have apologized but she doesn't care she says she won't forget what I said I really just want her to drop this is this something that needs therapy or just time I think it's something that needs time and a conversation I think it needs needs a conversation sit down I feel like you need to talk to her and you need to make it like for you to say that she dresses boring and dumpy and dumpy dumpy like I like you have to understand I'm just I'm giving I hope whoever wrote this is listening you have to understand the reason she's wearing sweats and sweaters around you now is because she doesn't like you don't you don't appreciate her when she puts the effort in like that's what she's telling you like she puts effort into her appearance getting your roots redone also no makeup makeup no makeup makeup is makeup like it's like usually it can be a full face of makeup the whole point of no makeup makeup is it looks like you're not wearing makeup it's not just mascara dude you want to know no makeup makeup literally this is no makeup makeup like you I genuinely did not know you were wearing Foundation anything like that like this is like a Vibe of no make the only thing I can like eyes and mascara yeah and for you to be like oh you look boring and dumpy yeah she might wear all black but maybe that's what she's comfortable with and now she's just proving a point like you know what I don't think she's like being cold I think she's being spiteful and I would too I would wear sweats and a hoodie around you and I would be like you want to see what boring and dumpy looks like this is what it looks like and until you can come to me with a proper apology and not some I'm sorry [ __ ] and actually tell me why you're sorry and actually be like like hey this is I understand what you mean now you have been putting a lot of effort into your appearance and I'm sorry it's gone unnoticed I never made a I never wanted to make you feel that way and I'm very very I'm happy with you in the way that you dress and the way that you look and honestly that that's how the conversation should go somewhere along those lines cuz she's more upset that everything she has done to look presentable and to look good for you has gone completely unnoticed imagine you put effort into your appearance all the time for your significant other even if it's not for your significant other but for yourself too and then someone's like oh you look boring and dumpy that hurts yeah it's it's just like it's kind of a tear down and I think it's very common for a lot of like head sis men like to be like oh well she's not wearing any makeup I love girls that don't wear makeup and then they show pictures of what they like and there's very clearly makeup they just don't get it and so even if you're doing things for yourself like you're doing it because it makes you feel good light makeup wearing blacks like my closet is mostly neutral as and blacks so I get it and then you have someone like say like oh well what you're doing doesn't look good it just tears you down and it's like even if it's not for anyone else but you it's still like a direct hit it still doesn't feel good and it's just like rude I I can't imagine my partner criticizing me like this and the what also is kind of just like yeah you're being an [ __ ] is the fact that you said well there's not really a difference like she's just wearing sweats and and like sweaters around me now there is a difference yeah and until you're able to address that difference she's going to be cold I'd be cold too if there wasn't a difference you wouldn't have noticed you wouldn't have noticed if there wasn't a difference you wouldn't have been like oh she's wearing sweats in a in a sweater yeah there's a difference use your eyes Sir delusional delusional there are some comments from op okay uh to be fair I wasn't at all aware that she puts effort into looking nice I'm not trying to be horrible I'm being honest I didn't know she cared because she never appears to try and I only told her she dresses dumpy and looks old when she insisted I explain what I meant to me she has the potential to look great she never appears to do anything to try um sir no offense you lack a lot of social cues there's a lot there's no self-awareness here yeah it's like it everything you're saying it sounds like you you lack like the social awareness to understand like what you are saying is like mean so someone comments in response to op saying is this something that needs therapy or just time they say it depends are you usually this callous about her feelings or was this a oneoff and when you asked her the above question what did she say does she see this as salvageable or is she quietly plotting her Escape op responds she said she's not going to get over this and she doesn't feel comfortable with someone who views her like that I guess in reference to the dumpy comment I sent her some links showing her what I meant fashion blogs showing easy ways to elevate style but she just argued with me and someone asked do you want to save this relationship if so why are you doubling down with fashion blogs yeah you sound kind of cont not kind of you sound controlling you sound controlling and a little narcissistic I'm just really baffled yeah op goes on to say because she asked repeatedly what I mean by saying if she cared so much then she should try to look good she said she did look good and it snowballed from there someone goes you're so [ __ ] dense actually than you you're dense like so dense you lack like social cues social skills social awareness like you you have to be heavily self-absorbed to not understand like what you said and like what you were saying why it's an issue I feel like the reason you're acting this way is because in your mind you're like well she doesn't look that way to me so what I said wasn't wrong it's not it doesn't matter how she looks to you it's how you made her feel because that's not how she feels when she presents herself in a reasonable fashionable way yeah just because you don't think that's fashion doesn't mean it isn't fashion you dip [ __ ] you would no fashion if it hit you on the head literally like get a like you sound you sound dumb well I think the bigger problem here too is we all are going to have problems or like conflicts in our lives with friends Partners whoever where at the end of the day you still feel like you're right yeah however is your need to feel right more important than moving past it and having a resolution where maybe your partner who is hurt feels better or like your friendship can continue on like what is so big about your ego that you can't just say you know what I get it now I noticed the difference definitely you have some style like I I noticed you've only worn sweats I was wrong I love you I spoke out of turn I'm going to stay off the fashion topic and mind my [ __ ] business I'm sorry I hurt your feelings also you've been together for seven years you said seven and you're like the fact that if this is if this is what you're like if she has been putting up with this for 7 years God bless her [ __ ] soul seriously it I feel like this isn't just about fashion there's got to be other other things that have come up where he's tried to be controlling or like made like very mean comments in the past she sounds like she's getting fed up and honest to God I would be too I well and I think based on that comment she doesn't feel comfortable with someone who views her like that I do think she's plotting her escape and I'm I hope hope she makes it out I hope she is I hope she is too get out of there sweetie yeah girl get the hell out of there run mhm okay mov on another one of this week's Partners is talk space there's been a few times in my life where I've just been so down and overwhelmed I don't even know what the next step is or if I do know that the next step is therapy and talking to someone what therapist how do I talk to someone when you're in those moments of need you can be so overwhelmed with your feelings that you forget that things like talk space exist talk space makes it easy to find a therapist that you love it's online it's convenient it works with your schedule wherever you want to take your calls so you are going to get your needs met and it usually only takes 48 hours to get matched with a therapist and you have no need to fear if that therapist isn't your cup of tea talk space lets you switch at any time with talkspace you never have to be worried is your data secure and private they use the latest endtoend bank rate encryption technology to store client information and comply with the latest hippo regulations they're in network with most major insurance providers so whatever you're dealing with I think you could find a therapist there they have over 40 different Specialties including anxiety depression sub subance abuse relationship issues and more yeah relationship issues they have coup's therapy too so as a listener of this podcast you'll get $80 off your first month with talkspace when you go to talkspace.com tht and enter promo code space 80 to match with a license therapist today go to talkspace.com tht and enter promo code s Pac c80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show that's talkspace.com tht promo code Bas 80 we're crushing these stories today how many more do we have we got a lot we're only an hour in let's go girl let's go baby this next one is coming from r/ relationship advice 21 hours old mhm titled my 39 female ex-husband 43 male cheated on me with my brother 44 male and now he seems to be in a serious depression okay I was married to my ex-husband for 9 years we got divorced 5 years ago I was about 4 months pregnant and went to the doctor when I returned home I found my older brother and my husband together it was really disgusting for me to see whoa wait ripe so she found out she was 4 months pregnant and when she got back she saw them having sex according to my ex-husband he and my brother took drugs and he doesn't remember how they got into that situation my brother is gay but I never knew if my ex was gay or bisexual or anything like that I filed for divorce and we share custody of our daughter we have been cordial despite everything we spend two holidays a year together the three of us since the divorce my ex-husband has been quite depressed at first he looked for any excuse to talk to me and be with me but then he realized that it was not going to work in these years that we have been divorced he seemed quite depressed tired and talkless he also gained too much weight he didn't go to the gym but he was a pound or two over his ideal weight so he was at a pretty decent weight prior to this now he weighs around 280 lb and I'm really worried about him I also discovered that he recently lost his job and is staying with his sister and that he is one step away from being diagnosed with diabetes I don't know how to tell him that I'm worried about his health since the last time I did it he misunderstood thinking I would give him another chance which is not the case how can I help him without misunderstanding the situation again it's a lot girl you need to go to chat gbt like there a lot you need to ask Chad gbt to write you a fat paragraph babe cu that is crazy oh my god you being four months pregnant walking in on him having sex with your brother you breaking up with him him gaining like a 100 pounds and then also like having diabetes and losing his job like that's wild he's going through it for sure babe you put a curse on him on accident that's what it sounds like it sounds like you accidentally cursed the hell out of him where's the voodoo doll like it literally babe like I don't know what candle you lit after that after that after you sign those divorce papers but you need to go find that candle and snuff it out snuff it out please like damn this is a lot but also it's like it's not your burden to bear anymore it's not but at the same time I'm like are you still in communication with your brother there's no mention of that I'll see if there's any comments from op it's only 21 hours old op does say my family didn't break up with my brother they said they wanted to stay out of the situation okay I do not maintain any type of contact with my brother that includes my daughter as well so family does talk to the brother but not OP and you know what that's un like I I get that like I get you not wanting to be around him I also get your family being like hey like your mom and dad being like this is still our son like we're we're we can't just like not talk to him I just want to know what kind of drugs they must have been taking like were they on meth yeah like what kind of drug would like like they must have been taking like meth Molly something because like [Music] too stunned to speak it is really interesting and I'm well I was going to like go to bat for you know maybe like give the husband a little bit of Grace like you took drugs maybe like he honestly was so not himself and out of it but there are other comments from op that says he was unfaithful to me during the 9 years of marriage that's why I assumed that what happened to my brother was infidelity oh so like he'd been doing it yeah like that makes sense like it like he if we she's caught him being unfaithful yes that's kind of what op goes on to say someone responds to that and goes could you explain better how he was unfaithful for 9 years was it emotional was it kissing penetrative sex nude sharing I really need to know to make a judgment was he in all of his senses what did he say about it when you found out why didn't you leave then what was the relationship between your husband and your brother before you found them together and op responds two of them which I think op is implying Affairs yeah were emotional and sexual the third Affair was only sexual when I found out he just apologized I went to my mother's house but most people said that it was an exaggeration to get divorced because of cheating and that I was not going to find anyone who would always be faithful and then I would just go back to him well the relationship between my husband and brother was normal before when I found them they appeared scared so okay here's here's my thing here's my thing I'd also like to add this as my two cents okay if they were on heavy drugs that caused them to do what they were doing you I would feel like if you caught them they would be so out of it like so out of it that they wouldn't even notice you were there yeah and for them to react scared means that there must have been some sort of awareness okay that's like that's why like for them to be scared and being like oh [ __ ] we got caught that means that they were aware like there is an awareness there a certain level right yeah so it's like if there's an awareness like if if there's a certain awareness being like Oh my gosh we've been caught there's definitely an awareness of like we shouldn't be having sex right now because if they're scared after being caught that means say know what they're like they shouldn't be doing what they're doing yeah well and I I would give the situation more grace if it was just a oneoff two like they got really [ __ ] up on the drugs one thing led to another okay not not right or just like I'm trying to just Devil's Advocate this so hard but given the fact that op shares there's been what sounds like three three previous Affairs two of which were very emotional and sexual like there's no excuse this guy is just a Serial cheater and has some deeply like he needs some mental health help especially now given this depression and this reaction like what did you think was going to happen by repeatedly cheating on your partner again and again and again like you're not going to have someone that sticks by you and now you fallen into this depression like you need help also like the fact that your family and like friends of yours were like oh like you shouldn't divorce him that's like way over dramatic you're never going to find someone who's faithful why that speaks more about them than it does you yep sure does do you know if that's what if that's what your parents said to you your parents sleep around for sure sorry that's weird that's weird for your parent my mom if my mom told me after I got cheated on if my mom was like yeah well you shouldn't leave cuz it's like I mean everyone's Unfaithful that's not a valid reason to leave that's I would be like like how like I genuinely would be like how insecure are you like that's how I would look at it like you should look at your parents and whoever said that to you and be like How Deeply insecure must you be to think to your self I am not worthy of having a faithful partner and everybody must be a cheater yeah this is just what I have to put up with like you you must be deeply insecure if you feel like you can't find a faithful partner or you just don't value yourself like you don't value right you don't have that selfworth to know you deserve better than being cheated on correct like there are people that will be faithful and stick to a monogamous relationship mhm they're out there but if you don't think you're worthy or deserving of that love no of course you're not going to find that person relationships are so tricky and like now our writer here is like really trying to navigate a co-parenting situation but I think you can like if this were me I would like just kind of say to him like I want to preface this like I'm not going to entertain getting back together that is not going to ever happen for us however I am concerned for you as my daughter's father right I want my daughter to have her dad and you don't seem to be in a good place right now yeah I I agree I feel like you need to switch the narrative where it's not like we're getting back together this is for us no this is for our child this is for your daughter this is our our child yeah like this isn't like yes I'm concerned for you but not because I want to be with you but because I want you to be there for our daughter yeah would you in any world would you like not involve yourself or do you feel like it is like the right thing to at least say something I feel like like me personally yeah I would say something but not it's not for a lack of like me not wanting to say anything like obviously it's uncomfortable and I probably would be like I wish I wasn't in this situation because I don't want to have to have this conversation but I will have it if if not like literally not for me for my child like especially if we're co-parenting I don't want myter to to worry about her father dying of a heart attack or dying of a disease or mental illness taking his life I couldn't like I can't imagine like it's a very it's a very hard it's a It's A Hard Road to navigate yeah there's so many emotions and just lifelong feelings that deal with after something like that and I feel like if anything you can say I might not have love for you now I might not love you the way that I once did MH but you are still the reason I have a daughter you are still the reason we have a daughter and I'm so grateful for that because I love our daughter and the last thing I want is for her to have to go through the loss of a parent yeah doing it from that narrative not even that narrative just from that perspective yeah well and it's also like it sounds like op is a good person yeah and just like just because you know this was terrible what he did it's not like you wish him ill it's you're still just like if you're genuinely a good person no matter what someone does to you I feel like you still can recognize and be like I still want them you to be okay and so I think that's where op is at and like just really kind of like tussling with like what's the best way to go about it or tell that man to get a grinder account for real like if he if he wants to sleep around go for it like if that's why he's sad because he's not getting anything go on grinder I guarantee he'd get he'd get something within the hour that's all I have to say top comment on this one sis you can't help him keep your interactions strictly about your daughter to avoid confusion if you can't let it go talk to his family they should be his Advocates let them know clearly that your concern is on behalf of your daughter she loves her dad and you want him in her life healthy and happy then leave it alone and focus on you and your daughter he with the help of his family and friends will have to figure it out I mean like yes but also I still think this is again from the perspective of like even like she was saying like I want this for my daughter if that's the case let's be real the people you went to in regards to the like those people who are like oh well like you should expect to have an Unfaithful partner he was unfaith where do you think he learned that behavior from and even if he didn't learn it from his parents like some people are just like literally sometimes the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree sometimes it does and if he's one of those people where it's like it does and you have communication with his parents because they're your daughter's grandparents yeah sure talk to them but also like it is so hard to do co-parenting and being like I'm cutting you out and like your parents are now the middleman yeah that's not I don't no offense unless he was like a very dangerous human being then that in that case you should just have sole custody but it's like yeah that's not like I If you want to make it work especially with your daughter there should be communication between the the two of you co-parenting wise I agree I I don't completely agreee with this comment because I think if the context of this situation is you guys have a good co-parenting relationship you talk to each other your communication is good if your daughter is spending 50% of her time with her dad then like you also are by having this conversation like hopefully positively impacting your daughter's safety and health and you know all of the above so for me I think like two two mature adults can have a conversation and you can like preface it in a way to not give him hope yeah if you have that conversation then and say I'm worried about you and it doesn't go well you can then reach out to his sister and be like hey I'm really worried about Johnny and I tried to have a conversation and it didn't go well it gave him hope and I need to remove myself I can't do that however I noticed he's dealing with a lot of weight gain potential diabetes and depression like are you and your family able to get him the support needs or look after him or whatever I fully do agree like you shouldn't be his support system anymore I agree but you can maybe have a conversation and say hey I'm worried can you please look after yourself and start getting the help you need and if that conversation does not go well if that does not then you're done after that then you don't have to do it's like then it's like one and done one and done I'm out and then it's like yeah sure get in contact with his parents but also if you're that concerned about your daughter you you should also talk to her you should be like she is only four she's four never mind she's a little baby yeah which is even more tough because like a four-year-old needs to be safe in their home she doesn't really have a voice to advocate so like if you're worried about your husband and his depression and safety then that also bleeds into your daughter and her life so you really do need to have these conversations and get on it yep yeah I think you can approach him first and really preface it like we will never go down that road again PE Swift we are never ever ever getting back together that was good do you do karaoke often I do I I could see that for you I literally I'm being dead serious I can't tell you how many times people have been like oh my God boy are you Taylor Swift just from hearing my voice would go that far I love you okay no I'm just saying like it's it's like it's just happens so many times to count like I know you might not think it but like it's just happens so many times in general that it's just like hard to deny I love you thanks a lot of people do cuz they think I'm Taylor see like literally see also um what it what what what's what's another good line I can do from T Swift um Shake It Off sorry the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now why cuz she's dead ah see that sounded like Taylor identical oh my God like literally right that's like Frankie Grande a Frankie Grande which kind to be like I sound like Ariana Grande I just compared myself to Frankie Grande cut that clip out like sorry my favorite video ever is a Frankie Grande in that house being like I'm Ariana Grande's brother and everyone was like we don't give a [ __ ] what house he was on um's yeah he was on that show where what is it they have no communication with the outside world they're in this house brother yeah he was on Big Brother and then he told everybody that he was Ariana Grande's brother and they all were like we like who are you like what yeah they were all like what weirdo oh my God that's hilarious okay I think we've hashed it out with this one she's got to have the talk mhm okay moving along okay I'm ready trigger warning the story does contain talks of fertility struggles and miscarriage so please skip if you can't handle that today this is a day old coming from Emma the [ __ ] okay titled Emma the [ __ ] for adopting the child my sister wanted to adopt I 34 male have two sisters Amy 36 female and Jane 31 female Amy and her husband have been trying to conceive for the better part of a decade but nothing seems to be working for them two years ago they went for another round of IVF but sadly Amy miscarried once again due to complications following the miscarriage she became sterile this of course devastated her and her husband because they really wanted to start a family of their own they are now looking into adoption but it's been a long and slow process since Amy's husband has a criminal record from when he was 19 a year ago my sister Jane gave birth to her son Sam the pregnancy was the result of a one night stand during Jane's vacation in Italy and although it was unexpected and the father wouldn't be in the picture Jane decided to keep the baby sadly Jane had a stroke when Sam was 6 months old and passed away it was very unexpected and most of the family is still grieving after the funeral we started to discuss who will take Sam in my parents were out of the question since they were too old and wouldn't be able to take care of him so it was between Amy and I Amy jumped at the opportunity and volunteered to take Sam in and although this seemed to be the ideal solution at first the way Amy spoke about the adoption didn't sit right with me she wanted to change Sam's name and surname and asked us not to mention Jane around Sam after the adoption would be finalized essentially Amy wanted to raise Sam as her own and didn't think telling him that his biom mom passed away would do him any good how old was he he's only 6 months old to me this felt like Amy was trying to erase Jane's memory and was treating her like some surrogate and not a sister whom she had also lost after much consideration I didn't like the idea that Sam would grow up without knowing who his biom mother was and although I already have five children of my own I decided to contest the adoption and volunteered to adopt him instead we went to court and it was recently determined that my wife and I would be adopting Sam Amy is furious with me and is calling me an [ __ ] for ruining her chances at becoming a mother she is saying that I already had have many children of my own so I don't understand how badly she wants to become a parent some relatives are now calling me selfish for taking this chance away from Amy and are telling me that instead of thinking of what would be better for Sam I was thinking about how to preserve the memory of Jane although I don't regret adopting Sam I'm starting to doubt whether I made the right decision for his future I know that Amy would have made a great mother and that both her and her husband would absolutely adore am and as their only child they would probably be able to provide him a better life financially however them wanting to erase all memories of Jane just doesn't feel right am I the [ __ ] I don't think so I don't either I mean like it's a very tough situation I feel but I don't think you are the [ __ ] not one bit it's oh my gosh I mean it's so weird cuz I'm hearing these stories and I'm like actually relating them to like like my own experiences and my thing is like there are situations where it's like hey you were raised by your aunt and like you don't know like that your aunt is not your mom and like your the person you thought was your aunt was your mom you know what Ian is that does that make sense yeah I feel like that happens to to some people it does it does happen to some people but I feel like is it like right to be kept in the dark I don't think so also to basically be like I don't want you to mention her around him that's weird that's weird like I feel like it'd be one thing if it it was like you adopted him and you didn't want him at first growing up to know that like his mother passed away at a young age I feel like that's like one thing to be like hey like you're a little kid and you should not have to like the concept of death and knowing that your mother died of a stroke is not something you should be hearing at such a vulnerable age yeah there's definitely appropriate times to tell children things like this so I feel like if you were like raising him and like like mentioning stories of like his aunt who was actually his mother that's like okay and then eventually as he's older being like look we love you like our own but we just want you to know that your aunt is actually your biological mother and eventually being in a place to tell the child understandable yeah but I think it's like the fact that you simply were like I don't want anyone to mention anything about her around him and like change his name his Sur name like that's weird that like changing his name changing his name that's kind of like I understand if if like the Sur if you wanted to change a surname to be like oh like it's our last name that's that I understand you know cuz then that also prevents the question of like when your son is younger and he has friends come over and they're like why does why do you have a different last name than your mom and dad and he's like I don't know how to explain that you know like that makes but to change his name and then to change his last name and it feels disrespectful yeah it's just it feels like you're trying to completely erase your sister and I don't think you're the [ __ ] for adopting him because realistically it's like that sounds exactly what sounds exactly what they were trying to do yeah I I think it's very strange I think it's really sad disheartening disrespectful you can adopt this child and raise this child as your own love this child as your like I and not completely destroy their Identity or their history there's nothing shameful about this there's nothing like just because your child has a different birth mom doesn't mean you're going to love them less or they're going to love you less because they know that also how [ __ ] dumb are you all it takes is him to grow up turn 18 or even under 18 do a 23 in me kit or a DNA kid or whatever and literally find out you're not his mom can I can I say something like from personal experience come on love my mother to death I really I do she's the she didn't she waited to tell me I didn't have a dad until I believe like the first or second grade okay um and by not have a dad she'd be like he's not in the picture okay so like growing up I like cuz the thought never crossed my mind cuz it was like oh I just don't have a dad like that was it you just didn't connect it when you're that little it doesn't when you're little it's just like oh I just have a mommy that's all I have I just have my mommy I don't have a daddy um I even remember being like Oh my mom is both like I call used to be like I used to make I still do like I'll write my mom like Happy Father's Day cuz she played the part of both roles that and it wasn't until I got older and I did a 23 in me that I found out that I had an uncle on and it completely slipped my mom's mind I mean like there were things that I just like there were things it was just like you didn't need to know about it you know like yeah obvious especially if it's like something that could cause the child pain yeah and I mean like obviously now I know that like I do have like half sisters and my gosh I also know that like I have nieces and nephews but it's like at the time I didn't and it I did a 23 in me found out that I had an uncle on my dad's side only because I only saw the initials and it was I'm not going to say them but I basically went to my mom CU I do I have an uncle Bobby his name is Robert so okay this person my uncle on my dad's side yeah had an R for his first letter and I was like mom like how [ __ ] dumb does Uncle Bobby have to be to have the wrong last name cuz it like his initials like it said R blank and I was like that's not uncle Bobby's last name and my mom was like oh no Spencer like you actually I'm so sorry have an uncle on your dad's side and I was like holy [ __ ] like I didn't even know that but it's like it was going to come up eventually so for you to like completely erase her like that's like also if I were to do a 23 in me and say like your sister did a 23 in me she would show up as a biological mother even if she is deceased does that makees sense yeah well and like if there's so many ways like with familial connections how like you can find out info so it's like this this kid would find out and I think it's kind of funny that people are like calling out op and being like I was thinking about how to preserve the memory versus what would be best for Sam and it's funny that people are calling him out for that it's like it's like well the sister's kind of doing the exact opposite the sister is like burying her grief and unhealthily dealing with losing her sister by ignoring her sister ever existing and covering up this child's previous identity in life that's not what's best for the child either that's weird like what would be best for the child would be this sister being [ __ ] normal and just adopting this child and embracing this child's history and loving her sister and being sad she's gone like there was a perfect scenario here but no one can [ __ ] do it mmm so this is this is now what's best yeah like this is UN like this is not the [ __ ] I don't I don't think you're the [ __ ] I oh I just I feel like people deal with grief differently and fortunately though I will say out of the both of you I do feel like you were the better option for this child like you were the better option because it's like now you now he's being raised with siblings one but like also it's like not knowing about your past makes it feel like you should be ashamed of it yes and I don't feel like there's any reason for you to be ashamed that your mother passed away from a one night like you know like I feel like she's trying to be like and she passed away from a stroke a tragic stroke at like 31 yeah it's weird that they want to hide it the top comment gives us some info mhm this reads weird was is there no middle ground between letting them do this completely their way or adopting Sam yourselves as far as I know your instinct is right and children should be told where they come from as soon as possible so it's never some big secret however couldn't you have convinced them this instead mhm op responds I tried to talk to Amy about my concerns but she brushed me off from what I know she was planning on telling Sam that he was her rainbow baby since it would be better for him to think that he was some sort of Miracle rather than know that she only got him because his M his biom mom passed away a rainbow baby like she gave birth to him and it was just like a miracle rainbow babies are what people call their child after they've struggled with miscarriages so it's like this like miracle baby like I was able to conceive you after you know suffering from tragic losses but that's a [ __ ] lie that's a lie Amy has a lot of pictures of where she had a baby dump showing and some pictures of her holding Sam at the hospital when he was born so she could pass the story off as something true that's weird that's weird Amy needs mental health help as well if that's how she was going to handle this and I feel like this would cause this child when they do find out the truth to have a mental breakdown or crisis of their own literally like that is a complete Earth shattering identity crisis you find out your parents the people you love and Trust most lied to your whole life your whole life that is not the solution That's not healthy so yeah no don't think the [ __ ] I don't either I feel like there should have been a middle ground I don't think you're the [ __ ] for doing what you were doing I wish there was some sort of middle ground but thank God you did what you did yeah thank God you were able to step in and the courts chose the right option yeah the sane option because Amy couldn't get on board and that's Amy's own fault for getting [ __ ] weird that's weird yeah don't be weird and maybe things will work out that's odd behavior moving along last story for us okay I'm ready okay so this this next one see I'm basically Taylor Swift too see like I would say that but it's just like have you been like have you been told by other people that you are no I genuinely can't say oh I've been told by so many people that I could be Taylor Swift not real people the people in my head I just love you okay this next one it's coming from am I the [ __ ] titled am I the [ __ ] for still going to my daughter's wedding even though my other daughter isn't invited due to her panic attacks I have two daughters they are 27 and 24 the issue is my younger daughter got into a bad situation when she was in high school she now has panic attacks and is on meds for almost 8 years now my oldest is not close to her younger sibling it boils down to celebrations usually getting interrupted by a panic attack I know my youngest isn't doing it on purpose but it really sucks when you are at a graduation and a panic attack happens sometimes she can get away and calm down but sometimes she pushes herself too hard and it results in an attack now on to the issue my oldest is getting married everyone was invited to her engagement party and during the event the youngest had an attack the event ended soon after since the whole incident ruined the vibe my oldest was really upset and kept going on about how she shouldn't have invited her invitations were sent out for the wedding and my oldest didn't invite her younger sibling I asked her about it and she informed me that she wants her wedding to go smoothly unlike all her other events that have been interrupted by panic attacks I asked her to reconsider and she said no she wants one day where it is about her my youngest is really upset and asked me to skip the wedding I informed her I will not I don't want to miss my daughter getting married this resulted in an argument and she called me a jerk I'm looking for opinions my youngest gets attacks at all types of events not just her sisters so this isn't I am trying to ruin my sister's event situation she has been seeing a therapist the main issue with the panic attacks is that they come on suddenly she could be doing fine all night and something pushes her over the edge she is a million times better than when she was a teenager and getting attacked twice a day please help I don't think you're the [ __ ] at all like I here's the thing it's like I'm sorry to say this but if she's had attacks at her older sister's graduation and things even at the engagement party like that was a good trial run that was like like here's the thing I'm sure her older sister sympathizes and empathizes and it's like I can imagine what that must be like but at the same time it's like I would want my wedding to be about me too and if I knew especially because the panic attacks are sudden they they they come out of nowhere like there isn't like controlling them or like figuring out when it's going to happen they just happen it's like I don't want to have that risk at my wedding and to be fair I know they're not close but they're sisters and I feel like your youngest should understand I would understand cuz you're youngest is what 24 I'm 22 and if I had frequent panic attacks and I was on medication for it I feel like I would feel the same way well it's also to the point you need to recognize your own boundaries if you're having these panic attacks they're not enjoyable for you so I feel like you kind of need to take more autonomy and not put yourself in that in those situations or force yourself to do it like don't push yourself over The Edge don't try so hard that you then trigger an attack like that's not healthy or fun for you and you don't have to go through that also like don't push yourself and I'm also thinking of it this way if you are the type to have a sudden panic attack how would you feel if you were at the sweating full of people and you were having a panic attack during the ceremony a quiet ceremony and you have to just get up and run away or get up and walk away that would probably induce more anxiety like if anything it's like here's my thing like go if you're invited go to the Afterparty but the weddings the ceremony itself that's not no and even if it is like you're not invited to um the reception afterwards you need to just respect your sister's wishes you need to actually I know it sucks to to view yourself as like I wasn't invited because of my panic attacks but you need to put yourself in a situation of like no that's not it it's more so this is your sister's day yeah and like if that if that is to happen and something goes wrong it's no longer your sister's day it's your day and that's not fair to her no I also think by not looking out for yourself and like pushing and going to these events it's also probably strained their relationship more like I think if our op would have maybe said like hey sweetie you know if you have an attack let's leave right way we're not going to disturb the event whether that's graduation or you know whatever like I feel like the relationship would be better like they're only 3 years apart like it it is it is kind of odd that they're not close but it's probably given this history of the sister the older ones events being taken out by the younger which it shouldn't be like that either like I feel like if there was an issue like I know panic attacks are sudden but like if I if I was the parent I would try to handle it as discreetly as I could I know I don't get how the engagement party got so hijacked that it was then over after this panic attack like I I'm sorry no offense I would do the [ __ ] thing and I take mental health so seriously it's something I really try to advocate for in all areas but like you also have to at a certain point you're the one that's also responsible for your mental health and your triggers and so if you feel it coming on you need to like remove yourself and find safe space mhm and it is hard I think the sister is totally justified and at the same time that other daughter deserves to feel supported by her mom and have her mom at her wedding and so like for the sister to be like you shouldn't go I'm not invited Fair it also feels very like territorial like now like it's like oh if I'm not invited you shouldn't go either like your mom favors you see this is this is why I feel like even that mentality of like oh if I'm not going my mom shouldn't go that means in your head that like you should be set as a priority over your sister you you both should be a priority and I'm sorry if you have panic attacks but it's like you should understand like again same way I'm on medication for my anxiety I take my medication and I know I know she's on medication too but get your head out of your ass like I understand if you have these severe panic attacks but really you shouldn't you shouldn't be like this oh well if I'm not going my mom shouldn't go like this s not it's not about you this is the day that it's actually not about you this is about her wedding days are the one day where you can really get away with making it all about you that's the day baby not about you babe so yeah there's a comment your oldest is correct everything becomes about your youngest the second she has a panic attack do you know what's causing them not the [ __ ] op responds there are triggers the biggest issue at events is the large amount of people it's almost impossible to avoid if she pushes herself at an event it's a wedding and there are a lot of people there and you know that being around large crowds will induce a panic attack so your sister is now somewhat looking out for you too being like I know you're going to have one don't come and now you're like oh if I'm not invited my mom shouldn't go either no like what like what is your issue but if you go you know you're going to have a panic attack you know well and that's like the problem here where it's like what happened to you in high school is sad it's you know you're now dealing with these anxiety attack panic attacks like that's that's terrible that's very unfair however you need to recognize that like you can't put yourself in these events and like trigger these attacks and then not and like expect people to like not care or like stop like also it's like it sounds like you want everything everything to stop like and that's just not the reality that's not the right like it's the world does not stop because you want it to just because you're having a panic attack that doesn't mean that like everybody has to stop what they're doing and drop what they're doing to just support you and I mean like yeah you need that support but regardless we are talking about a major event in your sister's life that now you would be taking over because you would have a panic attack because it is a large group of people yeah I think what I would try to do like if this were my sibling I would try to accommodate it and like be like hey I want you there I want you to be able to experience my wedding but we know we know people in large numbers of people are a trigger for you let me see if I can find a private area for you to view the wedding from the back where if something happens thinking of that you're not going to disrupt like a balcony like where the choir usually is there's usually a balcony private you're by yourself and then if something happens you will not disrupt the event no one will notice if you leave no one will notice if you start hyperventilating or whatever these attack like look like for this girl but at the same time I feel like if the older sister is already like I'm not doing that it gives it very much gives already like she's at her with end yeah it it also it gives like if your sister isn't willing to give you a private room that's fine I feel like that's fine but it's also because she knows that regardless it's not going to do anything like it's still going to become your day that is really true and someone does kind of point that out in the comments not the [ __ ] except your panicky daughter who is trying to guilt trip you for attending the wedding is the [ __ ] uhhuh I don't blame the panicky daughter for having panic attacks but she has to realize that there are consequences for ruining other people's important events correct and that's just kind of the thing like you've been invited to these events that are important the engagement dinner as we said was like a great trial run it didn't go well and so now it's just kind of like the unfortunate result you can't come and if I was the one with the panic attacks like that is so sad like I would feel so left out and so like it's hurt it's hurtful it's really disheartening it's just like that you do want to feel included and like you're probably resentful at yourself for these panic attacks you're having but this is also just the sad reality like it's not a sitation where there's a jaier cake needed to situation I feel like what really needs to go down here is like a sense of empathy like I feel like it needs to be like that your daughter needs to your younger daughter needs to have a sense of empathy for her older sister and just understand that like every other event every other thing has mysteriously be not mysteriously but it has become hijacked by her even her engagement party she doesn't want you there for a reason I'm sorry that you have panic attacks again that's not your fault but also it isn't your sister's fault for wanting a date to herself MH like I feel like you need to view it from your sister's view too yeah someone does say not the [ __ ] not being invited to the wedding is kind of a big deal though for their relationship but if you have such bad panic attacks that it shuts down the entire event you can't expect to be invited to these things maybe you could promise to stick close to her and quietly take her away from the party when you recognize a panic attack coming on she could be allowed to attend and Opie does respond I really don't want to be on her constantly that doesn't seem fair to my daughter who is getting married she is getting married but I'm watching the youngest the whole time she deserves her parent to have her attention on her wedding day and I completely agree moms are very important on wedding days for a lot of people so it's like my mom could be walking down the aisle with me and my dad like depending on what their family looks like parents could be very very involved so it's not fair that your other daughter is going to take away from your presence and like No And Opie does say as far as their relationship it's already bad so I wouldn't be surprised if they don't talk to each other after this and that's just kind of the sad reality yeah a lot of people are offering Solutions like would it be possible for someone to sit near your youngest and be able to escort P her out of whatever room you're in if a panic attack starts maybe I don't think anyone would like that solution the person watching her will not have a good time at the wedding not to mention I don't think my youngest would like being watched constantly also my oldest would need to agree to this and she already said she wasn't changing her mind well there you have it y'all I don't think I think it's totally fair it's sad but like it just kind of is the reality with this one are you have it I think this the theme for this episode definitely changed yeah it did I think it's um not too stunned to speak cuz we had some thoughts we had a lot of thoughts we had a lot of thoughts and I feel like a lot of them aligned with what people were saying I hope so I can't wait to see people's takes I wonder what was the one I was like people could disagree with us I think uh well it was an early one I'm trying to think cuz there were a few that I I felt like maybe people could disagree I do like when people disagree cuz it actually like is so thought-provoking for me when I read the comments I'm like oh my God how did I how did I miss that how did I not think of that but also at the same time it's kind of like we only have so much time to talk yeah and there's only here's another big thing I feel like when it comes to situations that we are commenting on we really will never get the full scope no like I feel like if you wanted a real good answer i' need to know about like your familial ties like what like even with that one where like the S where she was like I'd be a surrogate for or no not the S oh that one that's probably the one and the diabetes the guy with diabetes I feel like that could have been there's definitely more context we could have had if there was a lot more context I'd be like okay like I would I I would need more context there's only so much advice you can give based off of a a little story I even as I'm editing every week I literally sometimes I'm like no Morgan why did you say that my opinion changes by the time this thing comes out in some small regard usually yeah I missed something I wanted to talk about it but I forgot but let us know what you guys think in the comments mhm thank you so much Spencer for joining thank you for having me where can everyone find you cuz you've got so much fun stuff coming up you're on YouTube really plug in that oh yeah your stuff has been like really fun over there um so I've been posting frequently on YouTube um you can find me there at Spen wall you can actually find me everywhere at Spence wall that's that's e n c Wu ah um Snapchat I'll sometimes post there not as frequently but if you want to it's Spence MAA with an m in the middle um also I released merch if you want to get some of that you can go to Spen sw.com um and there's a lot coming soon a lot of people have been asking me um where the podcast is if it's coming if there will be a podcast let's just say this wink that's all you get for now go follow Spencer on YouTube Instagram all of the links for the channels will be in the description cuz you don't want to miss out so you got to subscribe especially on the tube YouTube's got so much good stuff it does okay well thank you guys head over to patreon if you want more stories and until next time bye bye guys [Music]

Channel: Two Hot Takes

Views: 253,776

Keywords: Reddit, blind reaction, reddit reaction, two hot takes, twohottakes, two hot takes podcast, twohottakespod, twohotakespodcast, reddit read, redditread, Redditpost, reddit relationships, redditrelationship, reddit AITA, AITA, reddit life, podcast, girls reacting to story, story reactions, girl bloggers, girl vlog, los angeles vlog, los angeles podcast, relationship advice, r/relationship, relationshipadvice, call her daddy, hot topics, emma chamberlain, she rates dogs, rslash, r/slash

Id: EUuJLmQ8CRQ

Length: 105min 28sec (6328 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 19 2024