Nobody on the planet remembers Beastly

so today I wanted to share with you guys one of my favorite bad movies of all time beastly pretty cruisy I've seen worse I'm gonna build her a greenhouse I have some boxes that bad movies can take from a decent budget earnest effort bonus points if they're writing on the coattails of some recent moviemaking trend especially why a trends and finally more bonus points if there is some absurd supernatural element beastly ticks every single one of those boxes and I would love to revisit it with you guys today beastly is a modern-day retelling of Beauty and the Beast which dropped in like squarely the middle of the Twilight era and that is the whole reason it exists it's a moody why 18 supernatural romance and it's based on a book and the result is so fun it's such a good bad movie I definitely recommend it for watch parties so I don't blame you guys if you want to go consume it before you watch this video basically everything about this movie is weird and bad but I thought I would make a numbered list so here we go number one the plot this is a big one the plot is so incomprehensible and I love it our hero is named Kyle Kings son because he's he's like The Prince it's clever he's really vain which they established through a lot of subtle dialogue beautiful people get it better that's so you're in a normal high school setting and Kyle is giving a speech to run for president of the Green Party it's confusing that it's called the Green Party but I think that's just what they call the student government in this school and to make matters worse a couple scenes later they have the characters go to a party thrown by this organization called like the Green Party party and it felt like someone was playing a prank on me so Kyle is giving a speech that basically has nothing to do with the election should you vote for me just because I'm the rich popular good-looking guy with the famous a news anchor dad and then with no mental preparation you are just shown a shot of the crowd and there in the middle is mary-kate Olsen playing the character who is the evil enchantress who curses Kyle and she looks insane I love this character first of all I love that she's clearly green screened into the crowd shots I don't know why that was necessary but I also love that everything else in this movie is like this typical rich kid movie high school it's this very modern grounded in reality telling of Beauty and the Beast and then it's like there's just a girl that goes to their school that looks like a fairy tale witch and everybody calls her the witch sticks my mantra steer clear of the wig I'm the idiot is good attitude and she has magical powers it feels like it's an absurdist comedy but if it was just Meryl Streep from into the woods like I don't think that would seem any more out of place than the witch character already does so Kyle walks out from giving his speech and he sees that the which has defaced his campaign posters in the hallway what [Music] and he confronts her he's ruder Wow looks are important to you they're important to everyone except you clearly and then he runs into Lindy who is our Bell and we get more exposition nice to finally meet you after three years maybe that's just me being the defensive scholarship kid apparently even though they go to the same school and they're juniors they've never interacted before and he's like into her it's kind of a meet-cute you jump forward a few days kyle has won the election but he's telling his friends that he needs revenge on the witch for humiliating him and almost costing him the election so mutilated added Franken skank who publicly humiliated me and almost cost me the election you know by like drawing mustaches on a couple of his posters and having an argument with him that like ten kids saw and he's the most popular guy in school and he won anyway so to get his revenge he pretends to be interested in her and asks her to be his date to the green party party Lindy's at the party too she's actually working the party got a slave's all night leaving all year work study yeah I'm saving for the Machu Picchu trip yeah sure I guess if you're a teenager who goes to a wealthy school of judgmental teenagers the the best place to work is at a school event where you're catering for your own peers instead of just literally anywhere else Lindy and Kyle flirt but my shifts almost over just in time for the real fun all right she blows it off to cool to school take a picture with me what and then the witch arrives and Kyle is like really mean to her he mocks her in front of everybody presumably also in front of Lindy but we like don't see a reaction from her she just is gone I guess his insults are really lame and she seems very unfazed by them honestly it seems like he's embarrassed himself more than anything but I guess he's feeling pretty good about it hey sera sera Spanish for sucks to be an ugly cow then which curses him he's like in a drunken stupor all night and he stumbles out onto the balcony where she confronts him looking like a beautiful enchantress and and curses him to make him beastly one you have the year to find someone to love you before the Jews again a year ago what so Kyle now has a year to find someone to say specifically the words I love you or he will stay like this forever for the record we're about 12 minutes into the movie by this point which both feels like too much and not enough I also like how in hindsight the school election was functionally useless to the plot like we could have just started with Kyle in a hallway and he sees the witch walk by and he's like I hate the wish and to his friends he's like I'm gonna play a mean prank on her and invite her to the school dance and then we wouldn't have lost anything so Kyle is beastly and his superficial dad takes him to a bunch of doctors to try to fix his face and they're like we can't it's magic Kyle's dad doesn't love his son if he's not beautiful so he rents an additional house across the city for Kyle to like hide in so nobody sees him dad never comes to visit Kyle gets depressed he deletes his facebook in an amazing scene [Music] for company he has his Jamaican housekeeper Zola who is not a teapot she's our mrs. Potts how old are your kids 13 10 you just left kind of get a green card instead of being turned into a teapot she is separated from her kids because they can't get green cards which I guess is similar five years for me little one Popham life the littlest ones name is chit then we have Neil Patrick Harris as our Lumiere I can't actually see he's a blind tutor that Kyle's dad has hired there are a lot of blind people that live rich fulfilling lives and they really hate the implication that becoming blind is some kind of life ruining death sentence but Neil Patrick Harris makes it very very clear that he hates being blind he considers it a curse and even refers to it as living in hell I lost my sight but you know living hell has its upside in a lot of ways it's like being turned into a candelabra Kyle sneaks out to a Halloween party and the witch is just there he begs her and he says he's learned his lesson but she refuses to change the curse and then just explains this like dancing who sees his ex-girlfriend making out with his best friend and with very fortuitous timing they both start talking about how they never really liked him and he's kind of mean and they're glad that he's gone then he runs into Lindy she doesn't recognize him at all even though he looks similar and sounds the same he calls this version of himself hunter and she suspects nothing what happened wrong zappy shopping longhand love letters he's smitten he starts habitually following Lindy around like watching her routine thinking that she's adorable and then one night he follows her home and she finds out that her junkie father is missing he turns out to be just in the alley right next to their house but he's being threatened by drug dealers that he apparently owes a lot of money to me and my brother our money I like that she says not this again like does this happen a lot Lindy gets knocked unconscious and Kyle carries her to safety and when he gets back Lindy's father has shot and killed one of the drug dealers children crazy old Maurice then the other drug dealer who I guess was just standing there watching through all of this suddenly pops up like hey instead of killing Maurice on the spot he instead blurts out this convoluted plan to kill Lindy instead and then just runs off into the night your daughter my brother someday I'll find him and then this is the best part Kyle is like let Lindy stay with me and Maurice is like no his his performance is so funny hey so then Kyle like in slow motion takes out his phone and takes a close-up photo maurices face and then he turns around and takes a separate photo of the corpse lying on the ground and he's just like I'm gonna blackmail you with these photos to let your daughter stay with me so she can be safe and then Kyle just Sprint's away like did they exchange contact numbers or so now Lindy's staying with Kyle she thinks it's for her protection but she still has an attitude about it because she's mad she's missing school and I know it's like but I've been saving like Machu Picchu for three years but over time they get to know each other and begin to fall in love that's a lot of the movie so I'm able to just kind of skim over all that in my summary he writes like a diary of love letters to her dear Lindy I've been thinking about the letters recently they read poetry they go to the zoo they bond they share a moment where Kyle tells Lindy that his mom left when he was a kid my dad was a teacher you know before my mom died now he's a drug addict which only pays slightly better and then in the last month of the curse Neil Patrick Harris is just suddenly like hey don't you have a lake house you can take her away to for a romantic getaway and Kyle's just like oh yeah take her to whatever bad boy country house daddy's got daddy don't got just the way caught it on the ride to the lake house Lindy gets a text from her dad that just says that the drug dealers in jail and that she can come home now but she ignores it because she likes being with Kyle they have a moment by the lake Kyle has bound together all of his love letters and he's handed them to her to read he's going to confess his feelings and then Lindy's phone rings and her dad has overdosed I guess he texted her right beforehand was he high when he texted her you have to go to him Lindy hops on a trains leave and as the train is pulling away she goes hunter yeah you're a good friend beast zone then the train starts rolling and Lindy like looks out the window at Kyle and she holds up the letters gesturing like I'm gonna read these letters now Kyle starts like running after the train he's like no don't read that don't read that don't read that I think it's probably because he's afraid of rejection but I want to believe that what he's actually handed her is like a rough draft of this stand-up routine he's been working on and like a lot of the jokes are about drug use and overdosing and he's like he knows that's not gonna be well-received right now don't worry about so Lindy reads Kyle's letters and tries to call him but he just totally ghosts her I guess he thinks she's tried to call him like 20 times in a row just so she can let him down easy it's a weird thing to think that's not the vibe she's putting out at all I really don't get this I know his self-esteem is not in a great place but he literally has nothing to lose by hearing her out I actually don't know what he didn't make a move sooner like if it was really early then coming on too strong could have ruined his chances but by this point they had a pretty good rapport it just kind of seems like Kyle should have shared his feelings and and just risked the embarrassment and hoped for the best anyway he ignores her and ignores her until the day of the class trip to Machu Picchu you don't know what to do so she go back to school to go on the cruise so he runs to the school not the airport the school and the school announcements keep saying the bus to Machu Picchu is leaving in five minutes like they're gonna drive there the mob you beat you believing in Bible yeah I don't know and there are signs up all over campus that say Machu Picchu today for some reason so then it's pretty anticlimactic he finds Lindy they hash it out he says he loves her since we became oh she says she loves him and the curse is broken hunter she finds out he was Kyle the whole time they kiss elsewhere the tutor gets his sight back and Zola has magical green cards for all of her children dream right [Music] but happy [Music] and then over the credits we see happy pictures of Kyle and Lindy at Machu Picchu the end happily ever after thank you for going on this magical journey with me but we are just getting started shall we go on to the next point you might have already picked up on this but number two-nothing the characters do ever make sense in the same scene where Kyle has just been elected president of the Green Party he tells the witch that he scored tickets to the Green Party party like I got him Green Party VIP dad pass yeah I would think he was able to go when Kyle finishes his speech and he goes out and his posters are two-faced the witch is standing right next to the posters and she's holding like a comically oversized magic marker to indicate that she did it and when he confronts her she's like I hate you and I did this Lindy is like watching this exchange from behind a pillar and after the witch walks away Kyle goes over to Lyndee and he's like appreciated smear campaign why would you think she's done this she's just like that wasn't me maybe that's just me being the dependent scholarship okay so Kyle invites the witch to the party as his plus-one she walks up to him inside the party and then he's like you would never be my plus-one and you're gonna need a ticket to get in but hey you can always buy a ticket but like she's already inside the party and like you see a table set up to take tickets and then there are some doors leading into like the rest of the party but the area they're in is already inside and they're serving hors d'oeuvres and there's like a band and live African dancers I guess just anybody can go to that part and you need a ticket to get to the generic dance floor inside why did the dad hire a blind tutor I can't actually see I thought maybe it's so he won't gossip to everybody about it but as soon as he gets there Kyle just tells him he's deformed anyway and like explains that it's because of a curse was it so he wouldn't be disgusted by Kyle because like I hope that any tutor wouldn't be physically repulsed by teaching a deformed child I mean Zola got over it there's one scene where Kyle is talking to his Lumiere and mrs. Potts and they're at dinner and he's starting to be like a nice guy by this point in the story so to the blind guy he's like hey is there any kind of surgery that can fix your eyes I want to help you cuz I saw like every doctor in the country miracle only but thank you at this point I thought he would turn and be like hey Zola who's also sitting right here is there something my stacks of money could do to help you see your children but they just kind of changed the topic sorry Zola when Kyle is trying to win over Lindy he keeps leaving her expensive gifts like designer handbags and jewelry and Zola is like you can't buy her affection I'm not trying to buy her you are and she'll hit and then Kyle remembers from stalking Lindy that she loves jujyfruits so he buys her a big flat of jujyfruits and it kind of works so it turns out he can buy her affections he just has to think of the right thing to buy actually I was kind of hoping they'd recreate the library scene but instead of shelves of books it's like a beautiful library with just shelves and shelves of boxes of jujyfruits if you like it that much it's yours there are multiple scenes where Kyle refers to his servants as being trapped like he is which makes no sense I know you guys went out to their respective curses are being blind and not having green cards for their children which doesn't really prevent either of them from leaving his apartment and living normal lives I mean they seem to live with Kyle full-time which seems more like a perk of the job than anything but there's nothing stopping them from going outside they reveal at the end that Kyle's father owns this beautiful isolated lake house which Kyle specifically tells us his father hates and never uses my dad got bad reception down at the lake you'd only take it for about 45 minutes so why was that not where Kyle was spending his banishment he was a lot less great than that apartment in the city I also don't understand as rich as Kyle is why the Machu Picchu trip is such an obstacle like he feels like he's close to breaking the curse but the Machu Picchu trip is looming as like a time limit because Lindy wants to go on it so how come after they had a relationship starting to build kiled injustice I'd to alleviate the tension of the Machu Picchu trip by like surprising her with plane tickets to Machu Picchu like hey Lindy since we're avoiding a drug dealer anyway you'll be safer in Machu Picchu and they could have bonded on the trip two birds one stone there's the scene where Zola tells him to get her something that she likes to show that he knows her interests and the first time I watching the scene I'm like what do you know about time you must think about her me no you see who she is go on think trip to Machu Picchu trip to Machu Picchu and then he gets her jujyfruits and I was like oh okay but out of this whole movie my biggest question is about the witch why does she go to his high school at the start of the movie she already goes there and everybody knows who she is the movie starts in May at the end of their junior year has she been there all year has she been there all three years did she come here to find somebody to curse or did she just happen to already go here because she earnestly needs a high school diploma or did she enroll in this school specifically knowing she already wanted to curse Kyle and then waited for him to give her an excuse to curse him so she could carry it out because if so that is an incredible long con then she's just at the Halloween party having a grand time and then later in the movie Kyle wants to beg her for more time and he just like goes to her house like the witch just has an apartment and Kyle knows her address is she there all the time is it listed in the phone book number three the acting beastly stars Vanessa Hudgens who was fresh off High School Musical and Alex Pettyfer who at the time had not been in a lot of major things and was just kind of known for being a hot guy and I think that's still where his career is that and he just really can't act please give will his sight does all what her family the least they deserve after being trapped in his hell with me okay it's mean to say you can't act he he can kind of act like it's it's enough his performances are like he's the guy from the football team that gets cast as leaves and high school drama productions because there just aren't enough boys in drama class there was this one scene that I was just imagining as his audition monologue we came to this deal he bought me all the toys and Kenny I wanted and at the end of the day he told me my mother had left I haven't seen her since well he's not great but we need somebody to play Valjean and look how Vanessa Hudgins is playing off of him with just that blank emotionless stare Vanessa herself is really rough in this movie and I don't think she's a bad actress but this was really early in her career so like maybe she just didn't have enough experience yet or maybe it was the directing bless her heart she tries to like make her voice deeper in this two-seam I think more world-weary or mature or something figures he had a daughter falls for the addict presumably it was to try to break out of that good girl Disney Channel little kid image from being in High School Musical because I think this was like one of her first projects after that you can just tell that it's not a comfortable range for her to speak in and it makes her performance that much less natural so I'm here okay whoever you are and the two of them have no chemistry at all the same old same old jerks are exciting in my type of strategy falter not that I felt before what's even worse is Vanessa Hudgens and Neil Patrick Harris have like one scene together and just in that scene you're like oh my god these two have so much more chemistry than she does with the lead I had heard the game you Rangers fan die hard I knew it guys guy like he is too old for her this is a problem a greenhouse a greenhouse rad but I did like that it made me go on this mental tangent of like what if in the real beauty and the beast' Belle had just fallen in love with Lumiere and Lumiere himself is trying to discourage it because he wants to break the curse but like the heart wants what it wants and she's like telling the Beast all about it and saying what a good guy Lumiere is she keeps saying things like I know he's a candlestick but I love him for what's on the inside and the time limit runs out and Belle chooses to move into the castle full time and she marries Lumiere who is still permanently a candlestick and the Beast is just forced to watch their happiness from a middle distance for the rest of his days anyway the rest of the cast is pretty limited the lead actress the Fifty Shades of Grey makes a cameo as Kyle's ex-girlfriend Zola is played by the wonderful Lisa K Hamilton who is completely wasted in this kind of offensive caricature when my husband wanted me to marry him he would weave me back the only performances I liked were Neil Patrick Harris and mary-kate Olsen it's not a role with a lot of range but she's living it up she's selling it and who doesn't love a good witch performance that being said there is one element here that really doesn't help number four the dialogue best embrace the suck best embrace that this movie's dialogue is a hot mess and that's actually like one of my favorite things about it there are so many lines where you can feel this obnoxious pride and how cool they thought that line sounded a lot of the dialogue is just pure clumsy exposition with the characters stating exactly how they feel or their worldview in case we couldn't pick up on that already beautiful people get it better I appreciate all the extra time you spent with me mr. Bernstein mm-hmm teachers whatever it takes Manson could call this Rex Grimm people like people who look good anyone who says otherwise is either dumb or ugly I don't let other speak for me then you have the moments where the characters are making small talk and every single line has some kind of buzzword filled snappy comeback let's look at the scene where Kyle meets his tutor come on during carpe diem and help happy to meantime how about you Cage the rage and invite me in for a nice hot bowl a dad sucks I love that because on top of the incredibly tacky dialogue please note that both characters in the scene speak in a way that's totally interchangeable everyone here just talks like the writers version of cool person it's not interesting to watch them interact because Kyle might as well just be talking to himself and I already mentioned that Alex Pettyfer and Vanessa Hudgens have no chemistry and on top of that I think the editor was really sleeping on when to make those cuts what can I say I'm substance over style a dying breed it's never too late to join I think I already drank the kool-aid oh it helped the fact that there's always like a single beat too long at the end of a line just makes their interactions that much more stiff and awkward next up let's look at number five the marketing my favorite thing about beastly is that you can tell the studio thought it was gonna be a big hit they sold backpacks stationery sets t-shirts I just found out that they made a Kyle Halloween costume and I thought I was gonna die looking at it another piece of merch that they made and my favorite thing to come out of the beastly saga was number six the Wii game I have played this game in its entirety it's basically you as a generic character walking around different environments from the movie interspersed with borderline unplayable minigames the game even ends with a level where you're walking around Machu Picchu and to win the game you have to answer trivia questions about Machu Picchu but the best thing about the game is that it includes clips from the movie I think there was a licensing issue where when they acquired the clips from the movie they didn't want to bother getting clearance to also use the pop songs from the soundtrack this is a shame because the movies pop soundtrack is really funny there are a lot of moments where the lyrics are hilariously on the nose for what's happening on the screen [Music] I think I thought I might be dangerous falling in love with you [Music] only in but anyway the Wii game couldn't use any of that so they acquired clips that are like the unscored version with just the dialogue and the sounds but it's weird if it's silent so to compensate they attempted to score these clips with the game's built-in music and since it's a cheap game they have like three songs to choose from quirky sitcom backing track where did it come out because that is what you meant No who are you spooky horror sounds can't imagine a pause [Music] and generic club music me and my brother none of them work for any of the scenes they're used in and it makes them amazing to watch [Music] now this next item is a bit of a twist that's right this video has twists number 7 the other ending yeah this movie had two endings like I said they were really concerned with marketing it so there must have just been some really compelling feedback from the test screenings the ending we see in theaters is not the way it was originally supposed to go down so in beast lease alternate ending Kyle runs to the school on the day of the Machu Picchu trip this time all the posters at the school say Machu Picchu trip departed yes sounds legit presumably there's another flier that says school prom yesterday the students see Kyle someone screams which is not a nice reaction to have to someone that basically looks like they were in a bad car accident he grimly shows everyone his face and then storms outside to try to call Lindy and then he finally checks his voicemail and there's a message from her saying that she didn't go on the Machu Picchu trip because she didn't want to see Machu Picchu without him I don't really understand that because Lindy doesn't know there's a curse with a time limit so why didn't she just go on the trip like he's gonna be there when she gets back then Kyle's phone rings and it's Lindy but it sounds like she pocket-dialed him but it's on purpose she is being kidnapped by the drug dealer who wants to kill her I thought you were in jail she even has a line like I thought you were in jail and that's never explained this is a lot of weird twists I don't know Kyle finds them and he tackles the gunman gunman gets knocked out but Kyle gets shot Lindy says not to die because she loves him breaking the curse he turns back they kiss happily ever after and everything from there is the same as the other ending so this is basically traditional beauty in the Beast I don't really know why they didn't go with this ending like did the moms not like violence it isn't any more violent than Beauty and the Beast you think if the moms were upset about anything it would be how many times Kyle calls women [ __ ] in this movie that didn't happen in the new version speaking of killing you see the fall fighting guru Ted it's a lot this self mutilated tatted Frankie's game but this ending works a lot better like the drug dealers comeback it's not just a dropped plot thread this is also a much more dramatic climax and more like the real fairy tale my best guess as to why they didn't go with this is just that the way they edited it it turned out kind of stupid you're here the events themselves don't feel too out of place in the rest of the movie but like Lindy cries a tear and then they make it glow and there's like a weird dreamy filter effect over the footage I think they just got feedback from somebody that was like that felt dorky and instead of trying to make a second pass at editing it they just reshot the entire ending I don't know maybe this was different than the book ending and fans of the book were mad are they're fans of the book anyway you're probably like Jenny why did you put this bullet point here why wasn't it higher on the list why didn't you just tell us about this when you told us about the first ending and that's because that week game I just told you about I just wanted you to know that the Wii game had this ending let me get help okay I'm about to go in for the kill so first let's cover number eight the things that I like - Kyle builds Lindy a greenhouse I think that's the scene that's actually supposed to be the stand-in for the library scene and I actually think it works better than the library Kyle didn't just buy it he had to actually build it and put effort into it and he did it entirely for Lindy the Beast just had his library he wasn't even using it I also liked that scene where Sloane his ex-girlfriend is making out with his friend at the party but honestly with him gone never leave they basically give her like a single line where she's like I'm actually glad Kyle's gone because I think he made me a worse person I always felt like I had to be on and mean mean keep him entertained I like that she wasn't just a mindless evil harpy which is more than I can say for the non bell women in the remake of Beauty and the Beast although even after he's supposed to be a reformed nice guy Kyle still refers to her and her friends as Sloan and the BIM BOTS like their bimbos and robots for the ponies get Munoz or whatever sick expensive kind Sloan and her big bottle of nice Kyle I'm sure your middle-aged Jamaican nanny really appreciated that zinger okay so I realized two things is a miserably short list but that's all I got let's move on to the next point number nine this doesn't work at all as an adaptation of Beauty and the Beast one of my biggest questions after seeing this movie was what were they even trying to do you can make that the quote for my review put it right on the DVD cover every night guess I kind of know what they wanted to do because I know they wanted to make money and maybe that was it so mystery solve but what I'm saying is why is this story set in modern times at all like the shtick is that it's a modernisation of Beauty and the Beast and like modernized fairy tales are a thing it's it's a popular genre I get it it can be interesting because it comes with its own challenges of like how you translate different things into modern times from a fairy tale world so this story just like modernizes some things in almost like a 50/50 split Kyle isn't a prince because that would be ridiculous princes aren't real his servants don't turn into furniture that would be crazy he doesn't turn into a beast that wouldn't make sense he's a tatted up bald guy with scars but like the witch is just a real witch she has real magic kyles deformity is magical the doctors they're like usually we undo this but it's magic cuz tattoos move around and change with the seasons because they have magic when the curse is broken the witch magically restores Neil Patrick Harris is sight and magically conjures green cards so if that's the case why can't Kyle just be a beast why can't the servants just be furniture the rules of what needs to change and what doesn't for our suspension of disbelief make no sense then there are other elements from the fairy tale that they preserve for no good reason like they have a scene where for some reason Kyle is disgusted by a rose tell me you did not get a cheap-ass rose and they keep reiterating that Lindy loves roses she's very into roses okay the weirdest wrench in the stories that they totally eliminate the idea of Lindy being the beasts captive her father doesn't steal from the Beast even though that would be easy to work in because Kyle is known to be wealthy and his residence might appear deserted from the outside because he never leaves it and her dad is a junkie who clearly doesn't have any money instead they have the convoluted thing where Lindy is there to be protected from drug dealers but only because Kyle is blackmailing her father to let him protect her this doesn't work on any level Lindy doesn't know her dad is being blackmailed at all and actually she never finds out which I thought was really weird like I thought that was gonna be a dramatic reveal at some point but the movie ends and she just has never found out about the blackmail so with this in mind Lindy's initial hostility toward Kyle is just kind of rude she's mad at her dad for sending her away and for putting her in this situation that makes sense she also initially thinks her dad is getting paid to send her here and assumes that this friend is going to be some creepy old pervert who's going to try to take advantage of her but she quickly meets Kyle and like sees that he's her age and that he's kind of nice so as far as she knows Kyle is just a deformed guy that's helping her out he isn't a jerk to her at any point while she's there and he actually stops being a jerk pretty early in the narrative unlike in Beauty and the Beast in this story the only obstacle to their relationship is Kyle being ugly which is just kind of depressing also Kyle's curse just doesn't have the same punch when he's not a literal beast I mean he has like a weird boil on his nose and a lot of scars with staples in them a ton of tattoos but it's 2011 this isn't a massive setback it really sucks for Kyle and I see why he would get depressed especially since he cares so much about his look so when you're turned into a literal animal in the French countryside in the 1700s that actually ruins your life because you cannot go outside or her mob might kill you with pitchforks and finding love is a Herculean task because who's gonna even consider you as a romantic partner when you're not even human on top of that your day-to-day life is affected you can get fleas you can't wear your old clothes you don't have thumbs you'd like big clumsy paws for Kyle it's just like I mean he might get discriminated against at a job interview but he's already wealthy he might get some weird looks but if he really wanted to he could just go outside walk around the city and have a normal day dating will be a challenge but he has good bone structure and a six-pack so somebody will be into him Kyle doesn't even actually work as a good translation of the beast my impression of Beauty and the Beast was never that the beasts sin was vanity it kind of seemed like he turned the old beggar woman away because she was a beggar like he was snobbish and uncharitable and that's what he was being punished for she turns into a beautiful enchantress and the prince isn't like oh no I would have helped her if I knew she was hot he's like oh no I would have helped her if I knew she was someone powerful who I need to be afraid of and not a helpless charity case I mean if you want to look at a character whose flaw is vanity look at Gaston this story is really beauty and Gaston they do go out of their way to make Kyle really rude in a lot of ways wipes Natick at home to your 16 children but what they really beat you over the head with is that Kyle is obsessed with appearances and that's his main thing so that takes me to my next point number 10 what is the moral I guess I know the moral of the original Beauty and the Beast it's don't be fooled by appearances and be kind Lindy's are beauty and she does not make sense as a character to me there aren't actually any indications that she's a particularly complex or nice individual she watches Kyle be really really mean to the witch and she doesn't intervene she just like stands at a middle distance and occasionally she grimaces or be green like the rescue of patient disabled coven but in kind of like an oh boy way not in like and I can't believe this I'm disgusted way you'll never like me because of my commitment to the environment I don't have one I just want this to my transcript then the witch leaves and Lindy and Kyle just start gently flirting with each other that's love tomorrow and it's nice to finally meet you after three years at the party Lindy sees Kyle again and they flirt again and they even take a photo together take a picture with me what and then later we find out that photo is like displayed at any given time on her desktop of her computer like she's just staring at it longingly but Kyle bullied that girl that night right after the photo was taken here's the secret sometimes they let you in just because your eye candy you bought that I'd hook up with you the self mutilated tatted Frankenstein so Lindy already had a crush on Kyle back when he was still a vain spoiled jerk after Kyle's cruel roasting of the witch witch Lindy is right there to see we don't get any more reaction shots to see how Lindy has reacted to this and this was only her second and her last impression of him before he disappeared for months then she runs into him again at the Halloween party and not realizing she's talking to Kyle she starts telling him about Kyle she just unprompted starts saying he was an okay guy talking about the way off personally I respect that he called things wipes near to get home to your 16 children then later when Lindy is living with Kyle we see her mooning over that photo she took with him at the Green Party party then when Kyle and his beastly farm asks about it she starts saying that she had fallen and for this guy something about him hey did you find that photo on Facebook Lindy did you find that when Kyle tagged you in it and then go to his profile where it says that his interests are anything bangable and that he hates fatty cakes guts with butts something about him she even says in this conversation that she loves bad boys and enjoys fantasizing that she can fix them something underneath catnip for sappy tools like me it's kind of extremely important in Beauty and the Beast that they'll not express interest in the Beast until he starts displaying kindness she wouldn't like it when you were being kind the man I know you to be why you need to get home to your 16 children when he's dragging her sick father down a flight of stairs or screaming at her to eat dinner with him or starve she's not like ooh maybe I can change him what if there was a scene in the Disney movie where Belle reminisces to the Beast that Gaston proposed to her and that he's a jerk but she's attracted to him and she's kind of flattered and maybe she can fix him she likes a project you know the Cheerilee ridiculous thing is I might have kind of sort of actually thought he a little bit liked me I mean I guess the Beast would be like that could be good news but as an audience member you'd be like yikes I mentioned earlier that this movie's version of beastly doesn't necessarily impact Kyle's ability to lead a full life so for the record I feel like having Kyle turned back at all in this version feels like a cop-out if he finds somebody who loves him and it's even somebody he thought was a hot before and he learns to accept himself it shouldn't matter whether he becomes handsome again he shouldn't have had magic or a witch l should have been a superficial jerk whose face got really messed up in a tragic car accident or something and then at the end he finds love and happiness but he just looks like that because that's the thing Kyle doesn't learn to accept himself at all he learns to be kinder but he doesn't learn to accept his ugliness and that's okay because that's not a lesson that the beast in the original fairy tale learns either but also the original tale isn't about self-acceptance and vanity and this one definitely is there's this wonderful Easter pit scene about halfway through the movie Kyle walks in on Neil Patrick Harris his blind tutor carefully selecting a tie to where the tutor says even though I'm blind I still have a sense of style holdover from my seeing days Kyle literally points out hey you're blind but even you care about appearances that ruins the theme of the movie point being no matter what how you look matters but Neil Patrick Harris says not about how others look at me it's about how I look at myself mental Rubik's Cube I know and well if that's what it's about then this movie is an all-around failure so that's beastly I don't know why I love beastly so much it didn't do very well it definitely wasn't a phenomenon like they wanted it to be but it also kind of flew under the radar as far as bad movies go and I think that's a shame beastly is like a sad deformed boy that only I can love I don't love it in spite of its flaws I love it because of its flaws I don't want to change it or fix it I love it the way that it is so what I'm saying is my love for beastly is a better love story than beastly you literally years after Beasley came out if you went to a Toys R Us you could always find a corner or a clearance and cap where they were still selling beastly merch like the throw blanket or a tote bag and just the further it got out from the movies release the funnier it got I feel like surely some of the stock just never sold I feel it's entirely possible that this year when Toys R Us went out of business there were some locations that close their doors with beastly wares still on the shelves

Channel: Jenny Nicholson

Views: 1,872,777

Rating: 4.9518704 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: 0cwGwkupmWk

Length: 46min 57sec (2817 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 13 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/judgeharoldtstone]

Listen to the How Did This Get Made podcast on this movie. Fans of the show know this movie...and are TRYING to forget it.

[u/[deleted]]

How Did This Get Made remembers.

[u/[deleted]]

I remember Beastly the Care Bears character.

[u/[deleted]]

I have such a crush on this girl and I can't quite work out why.

[u/IntoAComa]

Does it count as not remembering it, if this is the first I've heard of it?

[u/Prettymotherfucker]

I remember watching this with my GF a couple of years ago. So there!

[u/NY08]

This is the chick who went off on Beauty and the Beast

[u/loveportlandoregon]

This is a mediocre video to represent one of my favorite youtube gals, Jenny. One of the two people I sub to on Patreon. Check out some of her other videos if you like this one.

[u/goonyseank]

so that was 47 minutes long