Navigating ADHD Through Regulation with Jenna (Part 2)

I organize through regulation prioritizing enjoyment and Marley if you have those two things your brain knows what to do like we're not stupid we're so smart like the people I work with I'm like you're all so cool so smart so interesting and there's just this disregulation kind of hindering all this truth that we have that's so great so you know as a regulated person when you're just calm and present and your prefrontal cortex is turned on and you're able to think logically and prioritize and slow down and maybe take five minutes at the beginning of the day okay what does my day look like where are my task where might my tasks fit okay I'm gonna have a realistic expectation for myself I'm not trying to do 10,000 things because I'm not in a frantic [Music] Rush hey everyone I'm Megs and you're listening to the mind FS podcast organizing an ADHD brain where you will hear stories from me and others on how we organize both our brains and our lives while living with ADHD we talk about how ADHD can be your superpower if you know how to harness it I found out I had ADHD 2 years ago and it was very difficult for me to find acceptance now that I know so much I want to share what I know and help others understand that this diagnosis is not your downfall it's a your R moment where you can now understand how your brain operates and how to figure out how to thrive you can expect to feel inspired like you're not alone and learn about so many of the incredible organizational tools there are to help your head stay on straight thank you so much for tuning in welcome back to part two of my interview with jfrey I have been practicing so many of the techniques and by so many she literally just talked about being present in the moment what a profound experience it's been since I interviewed her this was just last Friday and now it's Wednesday I'm dropping two of been pretty fascinating to focus on being present I say this because I thought as I'm interviewing her and you can even hear it it's like I'm so regulated I'm so great at this I'm so glad you're telling other people because they need to hear it except I needed to hear it it doesn't mean that I haven't done a lot of work towards it I do yoga helps me stay regulated but literally I was doing the dishes the other day and instead of rushing through it or trying to get it done or being just annoyed that I had to get through it in general I focused on being present and in the moment and it was kind of fascinating how it didn't feel so overwhelming when I'm done I was just a little proud of myself I'm cleaning meting up it felt really good to walk around and clean up things and again I was just present in the moment not thinking about everything that I had to do but just doing one thing at a time which is what I preach to my children too even last night when I was tucking in my daughter my 7-year-old fights it she's procrastinating sleep as some of us do and it was really cool because I started doing some of the sematic exercise I think it's catic but some of the exercise to focus on being in the present and I learned that from my guest two weeks ago Faith Hoskins she had done a presentation on being present in the moment and I'm going to show you on YouTube here but one of the exercises I did was I held my daughter's hand and I talked to her about like how do mommy's fingers feel in your hand and does it feel cold or warm does it feel soft or scratchy I started to focus on that and then I ran her through a body relaxation exercise where I talked about okay relax your toes and relax your feet and so on and so on and so on she was asleep before we even got done and normally she fights it a little bit longer but it was really neat to help her practice being in the moment she's seven I can't even imagine having this kind of a tool when I was seven it's doesn't mean that she knows that she can go to it whenever it's going to take a lot of reminding and implementing but it's been fascinating doing this podcast because I have met so many incredible women who have owned their ADHD and found ways to conquer it and found ways to live a life where they're thriving and it's not about we also talk in this episode about people saying well I feel like everyone has ADHD nowadays I've been interviewing people over the last couple weeks and asking them what's your take on that tell me about when people say I feel like everyone has ADHD what does that look and feel like to you and how do you go about answering that it's pretty fascinating I can't wait to hear what you think of this episode we're going to pick right up where I left off in episode one so enjoy heck yes like go obviously have little things where I'm like forget stuff but it's like that's peanuts like that's so nothing yeah you posted a video the other day about actually taking time to go to the bathroom this is so relevant because we often put off these things where we take care of our bodies but we're doing we're like oh let me just finish this email as you were talking about and the first thing I said well what what if I forget what if I forget what I was doing and you're like but you're going to say what if you forget and if you're regulated you won't and I'm like how dare you but I I loved what you said because often times we are so go go go because we know if we don't do it now it's not going to happen or it's not going to happen until I remember a month later and I'm like shoot now if I don't do that now then it's not going to happen but I do find as I'm putting in the work to be more mindful on a regular basis I do get way more done and not in a way that's frantic but in a way that just makes sense for myself my family and oh my gosh your words are so powerful and thank you for saying about the superpower too because I think my brain is fascinating so things that I can come up with and and I'm still learning to use my voice in a way where I can show up authentically because the things I think of up here I'm just like oh if I could if I could communicate that that would be so incredible so I'm working through that aspect of things taking what's up here and really effectively putting it out there so that I can show up as who I really am and all of these beautiful thoughts that I have so tell us about how do you organize your day in a way that makes sense for you what helps you organize your brain now I say organize because I just feel like when you're regulated or when you know where things are or you simplify things you know where to go for the things that you need as emotions come up as your day throws things at you that you weren't necessarily prepared for yeah I organize through regulation prioritizing enjoyment and Barley if you have those two things your brain knows what to do like we're not stupid we're so smart like the people I work with I'm like you're all so cool so smart so interesting and there's just this disregulation kind of hindering all this Ro truth that we have that's so great so you know as a regulated person and when you're just calm and present and your prefrontal cortex is turned on and you're able to think logically and prioritize and slow down and maybe take five minutes at the beginning of the day okay what does my day look like where are my task where might my tasks fit okay I'm gon have a realistic expectation for myself I'm not trying to do 10,000 things because I'm not in a frantic rush I know things will eventually get done let me just that's all my clients say they hear me in their in their head like just doing the thing now I'm doing like that's the Cadence we want for life it's just like this nice little slow March through life consistently chugging along part of that might be a lunch break part of that might be a little lay down it's not saying we have to work all the time but it's just this gentle Rhythm to life that's sustainable like I can work the way I'm working for 10 more years I don't have dread about that whereas prior in my other business I was like I'm GNA just H I'm hanging on by a thread and that's no way to live what what the heck like we're just it's just passing it by and we're just trying to get the next thing done so we can get it over with and then eventually you look up and 10 years this pass and you've gotten 10 years over with and your life is passing you by and so it's just such an important work this kind of bigger picture stuff and slowing down so that you then can be organized and that's why I like this work is because you just do it and see what happens regulate and I want to see what happens like it's not okay now I got to be really organized and thoughtful and we're not white knuckling it we're changing kind of the foundation and then seeing what grows from there and that's what I have found I have not been meticulous about work I have not been like what's the word I'm looking for like scheming and really thinking okay what's my next step I'm just going with the flow and it's been so successful because I'm not fighting against my brain or in a disregulated state where I'm not being thoughtful it's like slow steady do the next thing that makes sense as it comes being more present and that has created so much flow so it's like more success but it it comes easier so whether anyone is a 9-to-5 is a atome parent whatever you work at all day if you do it in a regulated way your entire experience of it is going to be totally different it's so cool I love that and as you're talking I'm like yeah but what do you do like what's your one step and then two step and then three step and I'm like Oh my my gosh that's exactly what she's saying like not to necessarily do but do you have a routine that you follow regularly that helps you stay regulated I mean no my work work that I teach is mostly like in the- moment regulation so when I like even now I'll notice wow I'm rushing to wash the dishes oh okay slow down that's the work I teach is like in the moment are you identifying where you're disregulated and dropping straight into doing something about it this isn't about meditating for hours isn't about yoga isn't about like not this manufacturer but like all kind of a manufactured moment of Regulation I want us to be able to regulate when my kids are screaming I want to be able to regulate when I'm washing the dishes I want to be able to regulate when I'm on a call with somebody I don't need to be able to regulate in a nice warm yoga class where some woman's talking to me in a soothing voice yeah I'm gonna be able to be calm in that space But can I be in my logical mind and in a place that's regula and calm day to day moment to moment as I do life which is why this works also great because it's we're not adding anything to anyone's to-do list I'm not adding more to your life there's nothing on there should be nothing like written down in your calendar that you have to do when I do this work with people it's simply carrying this with you as you do the life you're already living so you know even I'll still have stuff come up like I was late for an appointment I noticed I was getting a bit frazzled and I was like okay you you know just cuz I'm late you know my stomach being in my throat's not going to help taking a deep breath you know I was kind of rushing to the car and I stopped and I walked in a nice Pace got in the car put my music on enjoyed the 10-minute drive to the appointment it's going to be a 10-minute Drive whether I'm freaking out or whether I'm calm so I'm just gonna chill enjoy my music sing along to my songs very loudly have some fun and I'll get there when I get there and then in the end I was there on time which is funny I think a lot of times we freak out and it's actually fine yeah well that's work is kind of in the moment living in this way and at first it starts in just little blips right you might do it a couple times for 10 seconds great but then those blips grow and grow and grow and it spreads where soon the disregulation really sticks out because you're actually more regulated than you are disregulated that's fascinating because I continuously say oh my gosh my inner selft talk or catastrophizing a situation is doing no one any good particularly me because it comes with all of these emotions and so instead of thinking about the past and all of these things I've been told or thinking about the future and how bad things could happen just staying right here with my brain and saying I am exactly where I need to be in this moment I'm going to get there safely everything is okay I can continue to enjoy life and I don't need to worry about what's happening on the other end and I really like that because I think I know that especially when I talk to people with ADHD and myself is can sometimes ruminate on the past or get too caught up in the future that I'm never here and so okay so tell me though how does one regulate when their kids are throwing temper tantrum that's the hardest that's the thing I'm still actively like that's the thing that'll trigger me the most and disregulated me the most with this current phase of life so it's just it's just being aware of it I'm aware that their screaming is not about them screaming it's about the feeling that the disregulation it's creating in me and my reaction is because of me it's not because of them but even having that awareness it's like I might still get impatient I might still be snippy but I can catch myself and be like sorry like I just need a minute or or I take a deep breath and at least let them be screaming but I'm not also yelling on top of it so it's I mean that part for me still work in progress but the day today like getting up in the morning working taking care of kids having fun doing stuff doing life taking care of my house that is in pretty steadily at a one thing now I'm doing the next my gosh I love this and so like that's what I'm going for but then of course there's going to be heightened moments where I'm still like I'm feeling the disregulation and I need to Grapple with this for a little bit to kind of come back down but in those moments you know simple tools like taking a deep breath noticing that you're rushing even that from when I'm talking fast when I take a breath and take a second my body the energy feels different it's a bit softer my favorite tool is just slowing down so if you're physically rushing stop yourself and then continue at a reasonable pace so you're running down the hallway to your meeting stop I don't care that 30 seconds to get there is not gonna it's not worth that disregulation like if we got to really have in our minds if you want to do this work like someone said so you're saying stay regulated at all costs I'm like essentially like that has to be the most important thing because we're rewiring the brain to function in a whole new way you got to do it again and again your brain's going to have reasons well I'm in a rush well so I have to rush or I'm late so I have to go faster run or there's so much to do I have to be frantic it's such a crazy week at work I'll work on this next week you will always find a reason that you need to be frantic and be rushing because that's also what we've tied to this feeling of productivity if I'm doing it in a nice even keeled way I'm not working hard enough and then it's a whole thing so there's lots to rework but even if you just if everyone who's listening to this just started by when you notice you're rushing for any reason oh stop for a second then continue at a reasonable pace so dishes it's like oh just want to get this over with so I can go lay down it's like nope okay stop okay I'm just here present with the dishes washing them this is just much a part of life is going and laying down is so let me just be here yeah and that's how we retrain the brain and body to pretty much say you're safe you can just be here there's no bear chasing you everything's fine then you can just be and then you just do and then the idea of wow I did the dishes and I did the laundry and I vacuumed you're not exhausted from it because you haven't exerted a th% more energy just stressing about it and being frantic about it you just simply did the tasks it's not the tasks that exhaust us it's the way we do them it's the disregulation we have around them that is like so draining and exhausting and overwhelm and all of that yeah that's really fascinating when I was working with my therapist she did not have ADHD and there was one thing that she said to me she she said that I was doing so much that maybe I just shouldn't be anymore and I was like I got so annoyed at her that I was like we're done how dare you tell me that one I can't do it all and that I shouldn't be doing it all because by her saying that I didn't have a picture of what that looked like or what that meant to me and I was even talking to uh someone that I love so much and they were telling me that they just experienced a loss in their life or going through grief in our family right now and they said I I just I don't know how to slow down I don't know what that looks like because go go go just means that I can get on to the next task and it keeps me going and I was like well it's regulating tip sealed grief and so it sues that disregulation to go go go that's another thing is like how to sit with the disregulation and be with discomfort and not use something external to sooth it is going to be such a lifesaver because that's why we scroll that's why we shop that's why we eat that's why we distract ourselves and are running around all evening when you could be resting but no I'm fidgeting around the house all night because we're unable to sit for a second because there's disregulation and we don't know how to internally work on it so that's what we learn in the work I do how do I calm this down internally myself so that I'm not ryant on a phone so I'm not ryant on spending money to sooe me for two minutes and then I feel guilty after like like those things aren't helping it's just masking it for a second but this Primal fighter flight part of us it it's survival mode it only cares about you feeling better right now it just wants to survive it does not care that this your future self is going to pay for it it honestly doesn't it's just trying to get through the day similar to someone who yeah that I'm gonna steal because I'm starving I don't really care if I'm gonna go to jail later I need food now like you don't care about you just care about the now because you're just trying to not die well that's what the disregulation is is like this is so uncomfortable I'm feeling unsafe I'm feeling like my life is in danger and I get that people are like I don't feel like that well not consciously but that's what the body's functions are feeling and so yeah that I don't care if I really should be doing my work I'm going to scroll for two hours because that's making me feel better that's kind of soothing this discomfort or distracting from this discomfort and then two months later you go why the hell am I always on my phone I'm so frustrated it's not even a choice it's compulsive at this point this is not a conscious choice and so when we're feeling like the things we're doing is compulsive we have no choice that's when you know disregulation is present because your subconscious is then doing things to make you feel better because you're not consciously aware that you're disregulated and then working on regulation if you consciously work on regulating you don't the subconscious doesn't need to go for the phone and the spending and the food and the substances in order to I'm not saying I'm not saying addiction but I'm just saying like if you're in the habit of oh I you know smoke at night to calm myself down is that just this regulation and you're just using something external to to regulate you temporarily or soothe that disregulation when we could actually do some bigger picture work where you don't need that you could choose to do that and that could be a conscious choice of something you enjoy but when it feels compulsive that's when we know oh I mean nobody wants that I don't I know I don't I don't want things to feel compulsive I want to feel like I'm choosing even if I'm choosing to scroll even if I'm choosing to eat a snack if I'm choosing to spend money I want it to be my conscious mind's choice not like why did I do that like that's so such a bad feeling it's like well first how dare you call us all out and also thank you because so much of that resonated with me and I know so many of my listeners aside from being mindful in that moment say processing grief where it's very disregulated what's step one how how do you work on being okay with the uncomfortable yeah I do think that sometimes it just takes doing it right so being aware of like ah I see you know so say your friend that is like oh I'm aware that I'm running around and busy because this is uncomfortable well then it might be when you're ready to challenge that I don't don't saying you have to do it immediately when you're ready be okay I don't want to have to this is compulsive at this point I don't want to have to I want to be able to rest I don't want to be running around constantly all the time making myself busy work to avoid these feelings okay so I'm going to choose to sit for 10 minutes and just work on taking some deep breaths to calm my body down and show myself that I won't die honestly it's like this this discomfort will not kill me but if I'm running around masking it how am I ever going to know that so obviously that's kind of a bigger example but even just even this idea of like oh my heart's racing fast and I'm running around frantically okay I'm going to choose to stop and it might still be uncomfortable for a bit but I'm going to okay let me we continue this at a slower pace and that might be uncomfortable but it's just showing your brain and body hey look we don't oh I had an effect there it did fireworks behind you I think it's like you could do hand motions now in zoom and it does like I yes okay see and then that distracted my ADHD brain yeah but yeah being able to settle it down internally and takes a lot of repetition and a lot of practice so although it's very simple and something that I hope people can carry with them and not have be like wait what am I supposed to do like it's pretty easy it's not complex but it takes a lot of repetition so that person might sit for five minutes and then they're back being busy again well great well at least they kind of did a little blp they kind of tweaked it a little bit they challenged that a little bit so you might be rushing around all day and you didn't rush for two minutes a day amazing that's a great start that's we have to just have to get those little drops of Regulation feel what that's like and then you start remembering what that felt like and then you start growing and then you build this capacity for yourself to live in that way and then you start seeing the benefits of living that way and then it starts happening more and more and more where soon you just feel like wow I feel really regulated obviously I'm going to have things that happen that disregulated me but even in those moments I have the tools I have the awareness to calm it down very quickly like at this point when I'm disregulated I can like like it's Max me right in the face I feel it so strongly and I can come right back down oras that used to just be my state of being it didn't feel weird because it was normal yeah now regulation and kind of being present and calm feels more normal so when I'm disregulated it really sticks out and then it's like so easy to work on it because it's not hiding that is huge and I I appreciate you saying it could be five minutes it could be 10 minutes it could be two minutes maybe even 30 seconds but sometimes we feel like we have to have we have to be perfect right okay well if I'm going to be regulated then I want to do it perfect then I want to now be regulated to the point but it's a practice it is a one step at a time itsy bitsy teeny weeny step in the right direction in the direction those skills it's a building skill it happens over time with repetition and then part of this work regulating work is also regulating our thinking right because all or nothing thinking black and white thinking we need flexible thinking so even that is part of it right of like being flexible with oh I could try implementing this stuff and it might just be like a little Drop in the Ocean to start that's okay right it's not all or nothing we want challenge that thinking as well because it's also not balanced absolutely I love the way that you talked about the belief system too in that a lot of the times we might be rushing because we believe if we don't Others May look at us differently it comes back to the people pleasing Tendencies and things like that I want to know how do you view your ADHD as a superpower I see that I see things differently I almost feel like you know tons of people people are standing over there looking at it from that way I'm way over here looking at it from a totally different way sharing about what I see and people are like oh my God my mind is blown I love that I love that I can see things you know after working with people for hundreds of hours it's like I've put this all together and created these observations just from talking to people and making connections and seeing similarities and kind of it just like and then it comes to me and then I create visuals and people like oh my god I've never understood what was happening to me and now I put it into into a graphic like oh like I have a whole graphic of procrastination isn't really a thing it's actually a cycle of avoidance so I have this like graphic that shows all the steps of this cycle of avoidance we get stuck in and how that's related to disregulation and what we can do to challenge that and get out of it but and that's just such a superpower this isn't like me sitting trying to really logically figure it out it's just like the brain creates the connections and it's just I see it and I think that's so cool and everyone who's listening has their superpowers but if you're very disregulated and struggling I totally get that those might be under the surface at the moment so you might be like GH good for you you have a superpower I'm struggling but it's it's there it just maybe hasn't totally been able to come out and show itself because the disregulation is masking all that cool stuff and part of that is working with a therapist working with some of the trauma that you may have been through it's understanding how to regulate what it looks like what it feels like all of that yeah and and It's Tricky though because if you work with someone on that stuff who doesn't have ADH it's a different thing like what work I do for regulation is not what you know someone who's working with the trauma patient would do for regulation mine's very ADHD focused very ADHD language specifically how the adg brain works and understanding it and it's and you don't have to identify with having trauma you don't have to identify with any of that because I don't particularly identify like yeah I've had trauma and that's why I'm disregulated I just knew I was disregulated and sometimes I think that language is important because if you don't identify it with it it's hard to like latch on and really see yourself in it it's a bit tricky but but good because there's everyone has this own version of what ADHD is happening to them and understanding that you don't have to have trauma but you can still do the work is beneficial just seeing it from a different perspective yeah just knowing I'm disregulated just knowing yeah I'm in this cycle of being frantic and rushing and then I crash that's all you need to identify with to work on what do you say to people who say I just feel like everyone has a little bit of ADHD well I would just go okay I can read but you know I there's and there's already that saying out there it's like yeah well everyone pees but when you're peeing a hundred times a day there's a there's a bigger problem you know it's like yeah everyone's GNA get distracted everyone's going to be rushing everyone's going to do this but I mean in my eyes you kind of know when you know like I knew I have friends who think like they oh I relate to team po but I know I don't have it like I know myself so anyone who a lot of people work with me who are not yet diagnosed and I'm sure 99.9% of them will get a positive diagnosis if you really think you have it where you're going seeking out NY coach and doing their program I'm pretty sure you've got it like you are connecting enough and struggling enough and like having a hard enough time that you're like yeah this is what's up like people who are like oh identified with that one symptom that's not you it's different it's a different thing it's like a whole network of issues that we struggle with that's not like oh yeah I have a hard time focusing like that's not in itself ADHD or I'll even do posts about like a a small part of ADHD like I have a post about like how showering I find difficult or like draining and people are like this doesn't mean you have ADHD I'm like I'm not saying that one thing I'm saying I'm sharing a symptom of mine as someone with diagnosed ADHD who has a who has a large plate of symptoms that show up for me it's not one thing so I think just realizing like a symptom does not make a diagnosis yeah it's much more complex than that okay thank you for saying that I really appreciate it because it's been coming up a lot and then I was just I got locked into a Reddit thread just recently and I'm just like oh my gosh there is so much information out here especially with a lot of women getting late diagnosis oh totally so gosh this is has been amazing thank you so much for your time and your expertise where can people come find you and work with you when they're ready to get regulated yes on social media I'm at ADHD with Jenna free I'm I'm hosting a workshop on June 11th called ADHD at work where we'll be talking about regulating and all this stuff at work so people can check that out I also have groups that I run those reopen June 26 so that's six sessions over eight weeks in small group of seven and we dive in and go through all of this work you really have a strong Foundation of kind of finding your flow and living well in a way that's enjoyable and sustainable with ADHD and yeah that's kind of the main stuff I have at the moment going on that's brilliant and I love that you focus on the at work stuff too because I left the corporate world I needed to but now that I've focused so much on my own regulation now I I'm the yoga person and like meditation and I set timers but this is helpful to know that I don't necessarily have to do that just being more in the present but I just appreciate that there's hope for people in the workforce too because a lot of people with ADHD are entrepreneurs but that's not the answer for everyone nor does it have to be it doesn't just mean that there's one path there's multiple paths and there's answers at any path you decide to take totally and I did also want to sh I do have a free ADHD regulation guide people can grab ADHD withth gene.com ADHD guide so that is something where people want to just go like hm I want to know more of what that's about that's a free thing they can grab so good thank you so much thanks for being here today thank you so much oh that episode was fascinating and beautiful and one of my favorite Parts was when I asked her how to stay regulated during a temper tantrum and she's like well we all need to work on that something I've been looking at differently with my own kids temp Tantrums is oh my gosh this isn't directed at me they are disregulated and they are trying to figure out a way where they haven't gotten something and they have to be okay with not getting the thing that they need or want and they don't understand and it's our job to help them understand and it's hard when you get triggered and all you want to do is just react because that's all you know that's all I've ever known is to react in certain situations please go check out Jennifer she is brilliant I love watching her videos as she's trying something new in her own ADHD world she is a brilliant example of how we're constantly evolving and changing and understanding new things about our brains and our bodies so that we can Thrive oh I did this new feature on the podcast platform that I use where you can actually send me a text message so if you scroll down to this uh show notes you can click a little button and it'll send me a text share your thoughts it's so easy because there's a button for it so cool I mean there's other ways to get in touch with me in the show Notes too but try it out I'm so curious how it works and I would love to post a text message that I get so you guys are amazing thank you for all of your feedback I have been hearing some beautiful beautiful things about the podcast so thank you it keeps me going if you would like to support the podcast in any way shape or form form please consider joining my patreon account where I'll post some additional content and some wise words from me if you will join my Facebook page like and share this podcast with whomever you think could benefit I also have this amazing woman who is my friend she owns a small batch skin care business in Colorado and I have been using her CBD bath bombs forever and my code I have a code that you can use to save 10% if you use that code you can order bath bombs for yourself and have it sent to you I actually just had my father order the direct pain cream and it is incredible I use it for cramps and he used it for his knee that was giving him a ton of pain and he looked at me after he put it on first I had to promise him he's not going to get high right and he laughed at me but also I think he was relieved that I confirmed that for him but he looked at me and he was like I can't believe this is working right now he's taking aspirin he's taking all of these other things to try to get the pain to diminish in any way and this direct pain cream works so check it out use my code to save money and you can have it shipped to you so it doesn't matter where you are additionally me and my husband use hellofresh I'm not sponsored by them in any way so they are literally just free boxes that we can give away so I put a code down in the show notes below if you sign up for a free box that we get to feed our family for a week for free so thank you so much for supporting us and you get to eat as well so how about that what a world we get to live in if nothing else just thank you for participating and listening

Channel: Organizing an ADHD Brain

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Id: GqipM6h3G8o

Length: 35min 15sec (2115 seconds)

Published: Wed May 29 2024