Navigating ADHD Through Regulation with Jenna (Part 1)

we are attached to this frantic disregulation that feels like productivity so part of the work I also do with people is detaching this idea of like frantic intensity feeling like I'm gonna scream that means I'm doing enough because it can be easier but we don't allow it to because then we feel lazy we feel like well this day felt pretty nice I must not have accomplished enough because we all all the belief systems too but so that being said yes we kind of have to accept or see a glimmer oh maybe it can be different I think that has to come first but I was just talking to someone today who is doing their PHD their thesis two years wrote nothing we work together in four months she's done like that's how that's how cool it [Music] is hey everyone I'm Megs and your you're listening to the mindful Megs podcast organizing an ADHD brain where you will hear stories from me and others on how we organize both our brains and our lives while living with ADHD we talk about how ADHD can be your superpower if you know how to harness it I found out I had ADHD 2 years ago and it was very difficult for me to find acceptance now that I know so much I want to share what I know and help others understand that this diagnosis is not your downfall it's a Eureka moment where you can now understand how your brain operates and how to figure out how to thrive you can expect to feel inspired like you're not alone and learn about so many of the incredible organizational tools there are to help your head stay on straight thank you so much for tuning in welcome back to organizing an ADHD brain I'm your host Megs and I am here with Jenna I am so excited she is an ADHD therapist and coach and I found her on Instagram because her incredible videos resonated with me so much so Jenna tell us a little bit about you tell us about the work you do who is Jenna yes hello I am someone who was diagnosed with a in adulthood I think as many people are these days and when that happened I went oh okay yes it's all making sense now so it was a long journey to get here through life I used to actually be a coat for intuitive eating and disordered eating which I now know is so intertwined with ADHD and the way we think and how things can play out so I actually coached around that for seven years and repaired my own relationship with restriction and binge eating and disordered eating and so that was a beautiful healing process and then it's what I taught and then when I got diagnosed with ADHD what what I have I think why I see ad differently and why I teach in a kind of a little bit of a different way that's usually the comment I get is like no one's talking about it in this way is because I I see the parallels of like disordered eating and a relationship with food is how kind of it's same thing with our brain like for instance oh yeah if you restrict you're going to binge well if you're in a frantic intense State you're going to crash like it's just humans are very predictable so we're you know our brains are always on these we're functioning from these Cycles so if we go too far one way we're going to have an opposite reaction the other way and so I have seen both with eating like intuitive eating is very like allow all foods find balance yes you want to eat well but you also need to allow some dessert or else you're GNA binge and so it's the same with functioning with ADHD is we can't get too ramped up or else we're going to crash so how do we find that balance and flow and way of living in this sustainable and enjoyable way and I think where sometimes we've gotten tripped up or I think just the you know the mainstream messaging round ADH isn't quite there yet because I I find the overall not everybody of course but the overall energy is like work harder do these hacks use these timers okay set a timer and then work really hard for 15 minutes and then see how much you can get done and gamify and it's a very like I mean I hate to say it but very like masculine like intense energy around ADHD and how to cope with it where my history has made me see that's like actually taking our foot off the gas pedal slowing down a little bit regulating that's a lot of the work I do working on our flexible thinking and this like gentleness actually then lets the brain open up to be more productive but we're kind of losing that that message and everyone's trying so hard and it's just making it even harder it's funny because I was thinking about as you said 15 minutes I tell a lot of my clients to try to break things up into 15minute tasks but not in a go go go us the time frame I love one video that I watched we talked about giving up social media and how annoyed you were at what a difference it was making in your life it resonated with me so much because that is such a thing that I struggle with and at the same time I also know how incredible it can be your words are beautiful and the work that you're doing is really incredible can you tell us a little bit about your journey on when you were diagnosed what that was like and how you got to the space that you're in now sure so it's after I had kids when I really felt my I it was more and more obvious I'm like okay yeah something's different like something is up here something is the word I had at the time was something's wrong like it and as I researched I'm like I think it's ADHD which seemed weird to me because I am a you know High achieving outwardly appearing successful person and that's not the messaging we hear about ADHD I was always a calm girl only child goody goody like what are you talking about how could I have ADHD I wasn't running around I was never disruptive I was always doing well in school but now that I see how I actually did a lot of like strategies and coping subconsciously to do all of that but after I had kids that's when it really got to the point of like okay like this is different I'm functioning different than other people function why why is this happening so for about two years I was like to my parents specifically like I think I've ADHD and of course they don't know what that looks like especially in women they're like no you're crazy like no you don't you you know you do so well in life but then eventually I was actually in grad school to become a therapist and as a parent of two at that point I was like okay I am not doing well I am struggling hard so I really want to go get assessment so I was very privileged that my parents helped me pay for it because it was very expensive now I know kind of some more affordable options but and I got that yes you have ADHD and it was just like ah thank God if it wasn't that I know it's something something is going on so that was really great it was just a nice thing to know okay I am not just individually weird like there's a reason for it it's not a personal failing I'm not just quirky like I think in a different way and I always knew that but now I I just enjoyed having a solid thing to point at to understand why and then as I was in grad school to become a therapist I of course was like well ADHD is very relevant to me so I want to learn and research and take courses and do as much as possible so I can work with people with ADHD because I'm a big fan of working with someone who experiences what you're going through similar to when I was working with disordered eating I had that connection with my clients of I've been there and I know so then I started researching and I also saw that nobody knows what to do with us every course I took was like timers calendars this is all you have to teach me to help people but okay so then I started working with people and then after you know hundreds of hours of working with adhders 10one I started making the connection of how this cycle of being disregulated in this frantic State and crashing is the core of our struggle that if we're not dealing with that timers calendars little dads are not going to we're not going to break through enough to make a lifelong difference um those tools can be very valuable and useful but it can't be everything and and so then that's how I developed kind of the framework I use now which I don't know really has a name I call it ADHD flow but it's really focusing on regulation um and balancing everything our thinking our schedules our um nervous systems and kind of finding the sustainable and enjoyable way to live it's a lot more sustainable enjoyable really it's just like a way that you can live forever instead of feeling like you're always hanging by a thread or white knuckling it or always trying to play ketchup we can't do that forever it's too tiring oh my gosh absolutely how old are your kids by the way four and five boys they are absolute terror is in the best of way that's awesome mine are five and seven and I have two girls so I feel like it's a different VI it's totally totally different I don't know that I would know what to do with boys but likewise right yeah exactly it was interesting because I never understood the correlation between eating disorders and ADHD until more recently and I've struggled with food my entire life and it wasn't until I think it was two years ago now I have to do you know math in my head but I had bariatric surgery and I lost 120 lbs and I thought that that was going to fix everything I just thought I'm like okay well once I lose weight everything will be fine except that there was so much work and I was doing work I was meeting with a therapist but there was so much work that I still hadn't done up here yeah that I had to work through and I'm still working through to this day so so coming back to the self-regulation what's one of the first pieces of advice you give to people with ADHD to work on their self-regulation so curious yes well I typically work in groups now so I mostly work in groups of seven people so it's more of a teaching kind of the concepts but then of course I ask everybody how does this relate to you do you connect with this how do you see this play out in your own life I've never had someone say I do not relate to this so it's it's inherent it's part of all of us with ADHD I think but I always explain first what's happening so I wish I could show the image right now but I do have a flow image maybe we could put it in the notes or something where people could look at it oh definitely but there's like a little top layer where the Adu brain when left unattended as I call it lives in one of two places so we have this little top layer at the very top of the page and it has things like overwhelm paralysis frantic energy rushing masking now I got to use my working memory here else is up there just all of that that stuff that we experience that is very intense it's like oh my God I have so much to do and I'm so overwhelmed and how am I going to get all done so you have that spot it could also be internal right though we can be in paralysis laying down for three hours and scrolling but it's still that mental rumination and and intensity and swirling and then we can't Sprint forever and then we crash so then at the bottom bottom there's a little spot where it's low dopamine exhaustion it's just like I can't even care anymore totally checked out and just that exhausted state that kind of burnout and then what the Ed brain does it loops around and around and around from one to the other we ping pong in these extremes and it keeps going because of course then when you're exhausted for a few days don't get much done finally have some energy and then we feel like i' got to do it all right now because what if I crash again it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy of course if we go in in really hard and intense we will crash again it's the high that creates the low whereas we're not making that connection and we're just seeing Oh I crash or I'm lazy or I you know so the second I feel any motivation to do anything I have to go 125% at it but then that intensity creates the crash so here we go round and round so even understanding that is a great first step and then the second step would be even just identifying disregulation in the moment can you tell when you're in that state because if you can't how can we disrupt it at all the physical signs would be you know any physical signs of anxiety heart racing tense muscles rushing I love that one because it's very physical you can see yourself doing it right are you running around your house trying to get things done or are you walking in a at a reasonable pace and present with each task or are you running oh my God I got to do this now I gotta do this oh I got to take the garbage J if we're in that state we are disregulated and then the mental part part of it is rumination overwhelm negative selft talk masking so all of those things can also be disregulation doesn't always have to be physical what I should say though is all of that is fight or flight so that disregulation fight flight freeze or Fawn so like flight it's kind of like when we're running around fight we can have emotional disregulation you know that comes up and we're short or we're snippy or angry and then flight or freeze obviously paralysis and then Fawn which is that masking piece that people pleasing piece that oh my gosh if I make sure everyone else is okay and no one's mad at me then I'll be all right because when we're in fight ORF flight your body doesn't know if you have lots of emails to write and you have a long to-do list or if you're getting chased by a bear so of course if you're functioning in a place where like you feel like you're in danger all the time which you might not consciously think you're in danger but your body is functioning that way right of course is exhausting is so exhausting so then you will crash and you will be exhausted and you will feel like you're just running on this treadmill trying to catch up all the time because then you will crash it's such a vicious cycle so it's a great spot to start to be like wow in the moment can identify when I'm disregulated the one thing I hear on like session two of our groups is like Oh I'm a lot more disregulated than I thought like all day every day I'm just in this state of like heightened intensity and my brain's going a mile a minute and that's the first place to start it's like we have to see it to then work on it I like taking a step back first and acknowledging that you need to acknowledge what's going on first before you accept the help or start doing any kind of work just based on listening to videos or doing this or that just acknowledge that you need something more than what's happening right now and start absorbing what's happening so I like that that's the way you approach it because one thing I've noticed with people I talk to with ADHD or even just seeing videos or memes or things like that is that people might know that they have ADHD but now they just think it's a a thing that they have to deal with or they're working against their brain almost 247 instead of finding ways to work with it yeah to identify that okay I literally will not remember this if I don't write it down so I have to consciously tell myself write this down do this so that you can allow yourself to make peace with it's somewhere I can look up again what kind of Transformations have you seen with people acknowledging their disregulation and just yeah not just going with the status quo anymore like because you're kind of comfortable being there right right cuz it's just what you know it sucks yeah it's but it's familiar so yeah tell us a little bit about that yeah that's a great point I do get a lot of comments on my posts about like well that's just how I work well I have to work frantically well that's the only time I get anything done I'm like yeah that's the problem I get it I so get it we attach to this frantic disregulation that feels like productivity so part of the work I also do with people is detaching this idea of like frantic intensity feeling like I'm going to scream that means I'm doing enough because it can be easier but we don't allow it to because then we feel lazy we feel like well this day felt pretty nice it must not have accomplished enough because we all all the belief systems too but so that being said yes we kind of have to accept or see a glimmer of oh maybe it can be different I think that has to come first but I was just talking to someone today who is doing their PHD their thesis two years wrote nothing we work together in four months she's done like that's how that's how cool it is and we're not I'm not there's no there's no mo there's no like accountability coaching where it's like okay get this many pages down we didn't even talk about that we just talked about how you going to be regulated are you enjoying this process of writing what is overwhelming for you what is stopping you what is getting in the way and then we work on the overwhelm we work on the regulation we work on this whole concept cept of like life is meant to be enjoyed not endured just because you're writing your PhD your life has to be held no are you enjoying the day-to-day process of this and we do all that work and now she's like oh and now I'm doing my three week study to defend it oh because I'm done I ped it in like that's crazy yes I oh that's so amazing because you know I don't know if this is everyone or or with ADHD but often times I find myself just constantly thinking about what's next what's next what's next and especially when I worked in the corporate world I was like oh I will be happy once I do this or once I do this and through a lot of yoga and mindfulness and manifestation practices I've found myself practicing focusing on the present and I say practicing because I'm not always good at it but like literally taking myself out of that future and saying wow what is really good in this moment and how can I be present for that do you do any work with that too well regulation is being present right regulation to me being regulated is I am here present in the thing I am currently doing and everything's fine like I'm inherently safe everything's okay got laundry to do that's okay it doesn't distract me from talking to you on this podcast because I'm here that's for later it's this idea a of being able to be present and not in this like hypervigilant State oh my God I have this to do I have this to do later I have to do this and then I got to go do that and then oh my gosh how am I going to pick up my kids at four and I'm just here and that's what a regulated brain can do is it can be present with the task at hand and enjoy the process instead of being so hyperfocused on like okay what's next what's next and we're not enjoying any of it and this energy of like trying to get anything over with to me is a huge red flag of disregulation I've been doing this for a while so I'm at the point where I'm at the dentist and I'm laying down and I'm like oh my God I can't wait to get out here and I'm like nope be present like yeah this rushing to get things over with dis reggulator state of trying to get things over with and oh my God you're going to crash so it's like how can I just be present when I'm washing the dishes just be here we're not trying to get over with this is part of life this is in itself just important as a moment as you going on vacation it's all to experienced and enjoyed as much as possible but that's very different messaging than typical ADHD work which is just like productivity how can we get more done hammer it out that's going to close the ADHD brain down even more the brain's like no thank you that sounds boring and hard whereas if we start creating a life and like well I'm just present for each moment oh I'm waking up I'm having my coffee okay now I'm doing this oh my gosh the brain's like okay I'm I'm open to that that sounds fine I'll go make a a coffee that sounds fun instead of like well after I make my coffee then I have to do this and I have to do that so I'm just going to lay in bed instead and that's some other feedback I've had recently is one client in a group was saying oh I'm happy to wake up in the morning because I have like a slower morning that's not just torturous the whole day I'm not dreading the day so I'm more able to wake up when my alarm goes off so people will ask me like how do I wake up earlier in the morning I'm like I know you want some sort of like alarm hack but if you get regulated and start enjoying your life more you'll want to wake up more the overwhelm and the stress of life has us making it hard to wake up not necessarily like we need more sleep sometimes we do because 8 years do need more sleep than others but it's very like rooted in disregulation it's funny that you say that because when I was a kid and younger I would procrastinate getting up and it wasn't as if I was sleeping I would wake up and i' be like not yet and I would you know force myself to just close my eyes again and now I wake up at 5:00 a.m. and if I don't I don't feel like I have the best day because getting up at 5:00 am allows me to do it slowly yeah and I think a lot of what you say is culturally significant because we have a hustle culture that we're living in that's one of the reasons why I left the cor corporate world is because I I knew that the more that I would grow the more I'd have to work and put myself out or even feel like I needed to and so now taking a step back working on my own business I am working so hard on fig figuring out how do I have a balance where I'm working and I'm doing something that I feel that is purposeful in my life but I can also be present with my children yeah and I feel like there's a shift happening and it's not as fast as I would like it to be happening but I do feel like more and more people are looking to see like what are these life hacks that we can have that just make life more purposeful and worth living the best life out there where we're thriving and not just working every day and having two days off my daughter says I just feel like it's so unfair that we have to go to school 5 days a week and we only get two days off and I'm like girl preach I get it absolutely but even in that okay so say you have a 95 that's you can't afford to not you have to have your 95 if you are regulated prioritizing enjoyment slowing down I highly recommend people look at their work contract what are your hours contracted for because adhders work so many extra hours feeling like we're inadequate and we have to make up for it they're not taking lunch breaks but then your brain's going to take a break anyway and you're gonna be scrolling for an hour and a half where you could have just taken your lunch hour so it's there's a lot we can do in whatever your current situation is you don't have to quit your job and become an entrepreneur you don't have to do any of that because that can be way worse I was a coach for seven years prior to this work I'm doing and that was while I was disregulated and not diagnosed and I definitely brought that into my life 247 so that's not necessarily the answer but if you are a regulated worker oh my God like you'll be fine it's just simply being present with each task at hand not allowing yourself to be a frantic person that's like a chicken running around with their head cut off because yes those your co-workers might be that but is that helping anything no I have seen as a regulated person in the past couple years of business I have been more successful working slowly and more thoughtfully and mindfully and less honestly than I ever was when I was like running around absolute wild thinking about work morning toight frantic rushing and My Success was like up down up down up down six months of nothing up down up down now it's like every month is more successful than last and it's but I'm slower it's so counterintuitive but that is how the ADHD brain we kind of get off the rails when we're disregulated we're not able to make as thoughtful decisions we're not able to prioritize because when we are in fight ORF flight the prefrontal cext is turned off that's decision-making that's logical thinking that's prioritizing that's Discerning what's good better best that's long-term planning all of that get shut gets shut off when we're rushing and frantic yet we think when we're rushing and frantic we're more productive no we're actually just spending a lot of time on things that need no attention we're just reacting oh an email popped up let me do that maybe that email is of no importance you need to be doing your other work but when we're disregulated we just react to what's in front of us there's very little thoughtfulness we're not able to stay on task easily distracted and we procrastin it's a whole mess regulation is so cool I just love it cuz I still have ADHD I still have a calendar of like Insanity in detail because I need that there's still supports I need but the supports I need are so like dropping the ocean at this point it's like who cares us doesn't hinder me at all and then when we're regulated that's also when the superpowers of ADHD come out because I know people talk about superpowers and people are like well I don't have any I just struggled it's like probably because you're disregulated there's no space for that sparkle that we do have to get utilized and really show itself cuz at this point I see ADHD is it's only brought me good especially currently as a regulated ADHD the where it comes out is only positive that was part one of a two-part interview I did with Jenna it was so incredible to hear her insights and her understanding of ADHD through regulation I can't wait to share a little bit more about how this episode impacted me and my day-to-day life I had one of the best days yesterday after focusing on being present and really enjoying the moments that I had instead of focusing on what's next next next in this episode I I think I even felt like oh I'm regulated there's not a lot that I need to do and then when I started practicing some of the things we talked about felt like it was a little bit different so interesting stop back here on Wednesday I'm going to drop the second part of our interview all of the different information that Jenna was talking about in the interview is in the show notes below and let me know if you have any additional questions have an awesome day oh I did this new feature on the podcast platform that I use where you can actually send me a text message so if you scroll down to this uh show notes you can click a little button and it'll send me a text share your thoughts it's so easy because there's a button for it so cool I mean there's other ways to get in touch with me in the show Notes too but try it out I'm so curious how it works and I would love to post a text message that I get so you guys are amazing thank you for all of your feedback I have been hearing some beautiful beautiful things about the podcast so thank you it keeps me going if you would like to support the podcast in any way shape or form please consider joining my patreon account where I'll post some additional content and some wise words from me if you will join my Facebook page like and share this podcast with whomever you think could benefit I also have this amazing woman who is my friend she owns a small batch skin care business in Colorado and I have been using her CBD bath bombs forever and my code I have a code that you can use to save 10% if you use that code you can order bath bombs for yourself and have it sent to you I actually just had my father order the direct pain cream and it is incredible I use it for cramps and he used it for his knee that was giving him a ton of pain and he looked at me after he put it on first I had to promise him he's not going to get high right and he laughed at me but also I think he was relieved that I confirmed that for him but he looked at me and he was 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Channel: Organizing an ADHD Brain

Views: 15

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Id: 4PqjZM4xOTM

Length: 30min 5sec (1805 seconds)

Published: Wed May 29 2024