Narcissist Tests: Mortification, Hoovering, and Attraction Scales

what are you doing here why aren't you going out to socialize to have one-night stands to drink yourself to oblivion in obscure bars and pubs whose names you will not remember the next morning why don't you play video games for an average of four and a half hours a day latest data why don't you I don't know watch reruns stuff yourself with popcorn others a pandemic out there this is a reason well in this case lovely people I'm the next best option and today I'm going to discuss two instruments two tools they are very rough and tumble they are very rule of thumb heuristics they are not tested they're not peer reviewed they're not vetted but they rely on a database of 1791 people diagnosed by mental health practitioners not by their spouses and angry children diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and their family members a total of several million data points so using the most rigorous statistical methods I keep analyzing these database which I've accumulated over the past 23 years and I keep coming up with surprising answers and based on these surprising answers I am now trying to construct a series of tools psychological tests and other tools with internal validation in other words tools that the database Excel validates love of course the database is flawed it is self selecting it's not representative it's comprised only of people with not extreme the extreme form of narcissism they're suffering family members it's all true but still it's by far by far the largest cope was the largest body of knowledge about this disorder just for you to have a basis for comparison the biggest tests ever conducted biggest experiments because studies ever conducted involved anywhere between 24 and 100 people diagnosed with narcissism that's it so I think I have what to contribute and today I'm going to discuss two rough instruments wrong instruments that I'm working with which might be of interest definitely of interest to narcissists and of some interest to people who are forced to leave or collaborate or work with narcissus looking from be from the outside so the first tool is is what I call the hearse a GRS the heartbreak heartbreak and recovery scale it's actually a tool to gauge mortification you remember multiplication and if you don't I recommend an advice to search for notification on my channel but we might channel the YouTube channel is searchable there is a magnifying glass symbol you can click on it and search the channel for relevant videos you can search by title you can search by keyword and so on so there are about four if I recall correctly videos dedicated to mortification now just to remind you what is modification notification is a state the state of mind of the narcissist induced by an extreme challenge or injury to his self-image the way he sees himself when we sees himself as a pronounced component of grandiosity so that is challenged and undermined in a process of notification but there are so other components for example he goes in the narcissist feels good with himself some narcissist even convince themselves they're good people and so any challenge to the self image and self perception of the narcissist that is sufficiently abrupt sufficiently strong to penetrate his defenses can cause mortification by forcing the narcissist to see himself as other people see him Marcis dennis is Kimmel to scape it becomes inescapable cannot escape himself he sees himself as a creep it's a monster is an abuser it's a bad guy as in he can't cope with it he can tolerate it so he decompensates disintegrates and very often acts out or develops clinical depression etc etc I discussed all this in the previous videos and to remind you modification is caused by in in most cases in romantic relationships modification is caused by substituting another man for the narcissist in a new shared fantasy this tends to cause modification in exit from the shirt fantasy by the romantic or intimate partner and shifting all the blame and responsibility to the narcissist especially if such a shift is merited these are the three components that leads to what we call external motivation of the narcissist and I've designed a tool which can tell the narcissus to what extent he is mortified this tool also predicts how long will it take the narcissus to recover from a traumatic breakup or from infidelity by his cherished partner this tool also predicts if the narcissus would be able to remain friends with a cherished partner or will try to over her or will he call or contact and finally this tool is useful in predicting will the nice narcissist try again overing aforementioned overly willy try again but seriously will try to re-established assured fantasy will he give the intimate partner a second chance at relationship recovery so the instrument which I again chol instrument heartbreak and recovery scale hearse the instrument has six questions and each of these questions you know you need to answer yes or no if it's a long it's a zero if it's a yes it's a one so the first question is did what she or he I'm going to use she but of course it applies also to to male intimate partners over female analogies so in this case we are talking about female intimate partners of male narcissus but there is no gender prejudice here it's simply for convenience sake so the first question is did what she do come as a shock to you or was it predictable the culmination of a visible evident crosses into the answer is yes it came as a shock give yourself one point if the answer is no I saw it coming give yourself zero number two question number two did she humiliate you in the process especially in public and in front of your peers if the answer is yes one theater is no zero number three did you react with anger or even range they just wouldn't go away even after the event yes or no number four following the events which led to the mortification where you disparate way you in the throes of catastrophe did you say to suffer we'll never find someone to replace her or did you have negative automatic thoughts are always failing my relationships I'm a monster I made it happen etc did you have all this and this is called internal modification if you had any of these thoughts give yourself one if you didn't give yourself zero question number five in the aftermath did you experience profound sadness dysphoria and did nothing give you pleasure didn't you find you couldn't find pleasure in anything it's called anhedonia if you experience dysphoria or depression and nothing gave you pleasure after the event in the aftermath of the event give yourself one if everything was okay a week or two or three later and finally the last question in the wake of the dissolution of the bond did you feel excruciating pain overwhelming romantic jealousy or pathological entering any of these if the answer is yes one nausea now if you scored in this test two to three it is improbable that you will ever be in touch with that traumatizing person again with the former intimate bother if you scored for it usually prefaces predicts and foresees a new phase of mere friendship or companionship between the two of you but no the no reestablishment nor reconstituting the shared fantasy nor months just transition to another form of relationship and if you scored five six this usually would lead to frenzied although doomed attempts to restore the relationship to his former romantic self to reconstitute the shared fantasy and I explained why narcissus trying to reconstitute the shade fantasy in another video they are trying to replace external modification with internal modification or another external notification it's the only way they can survive but in any way this tool gives you from an analysis of our of my database this tool gives you very very accurate prediction the sensitivity is about 98% and the specificity is well over 95% always petition is ironclad and I'll summarize the game if you scored two to three you will never be touch me she's called for after some time you will make contact you will try to over her but not as a romantic but usually as a friend in a companion friend with benefits if you scored five or six you would be hysterical you will be in panic you will be driven you will be compulsive trying to re-establish the trying to Hoover her to scoop her back to brainwash her again to addicted to condition her to be again your intimate romantic partner in order to resolve actually as a multiplication now the second instrument it they're not designed I've designed quite a few dozen actually and then introduced them graduate gradually over time the second instrument that I would like to discuss today is what I call the s1 is to score s 1 is promiscuity and s 2 is self-efficacy now let me explain what is what is promiscuity what is self-efficacy promiscuity is indiscriminately engaging in sex with partners almost regardless of their qualities traits behaviors and profile self-efficacy is the ability to induce beneficial outcomes in the environment and in your life through your efforts by exerting yourself by investing by working hard you succeed to obtain results you succeed to accomplish things the more you succeed the more self efficacious you are you then have agency over your life so these are the two parameters promiscuity and self-efficacy when I say promiscuity I'm referring to someone in a king I'm going to use the female pronoun but it equally applies to the male pronoun right now there is there are excellent reasons to believe there are equal numbers of narcissists among men and women as opposed to 20 years ago Gnosticism has risen dramatically there's been a tsunami wave of Gnosticism among women so I'm gonna use the female voice but it's just for convenience sake supremacy is sleeping with multiple partners simultaneously engaging in group sex engaging in casual sex habitually as a habit or as the main form of sex serial cheating on a dedicated intimate partner primary in a primary relationship so for example cheating on your husband group sex with relatives or sex with relatives including insist sex with age inappropriate partners very old men very young casual sex with strangers in unusual impersonal settings rape sexual acts in teasing so teasing is a form of sexual act sex while drunk or while high or while stoned or one wasted habitually again not as a one one-off that is a habit send sexting as as a habit all these things are strong indicators and components ingredients of promiscuity so this is promiscuity I found out found out from analyzing my database that they are five five traits of a potential source of supply which rendered the source of supply irresistible to the narcissist if the potential source of supply has these five traits in varying degrees she becomes a natural and natural as as a source of supply in the narcissus will invest in pursue her in court her much more than others so promiscuity is number one it seems it seems that gnosis is react very powerfully to promiscuity number two self trashing narcissists are attracted very strongly almost irresistible to women who self trash when I say self trash engage in reckless behaviour self damaging self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors as a form of self punishment as a form of self-devaluation self degredation insert despoiling that attracts analysis a lot the next thing that seems to be a determinant in a predictor a prognosticator of attraction is disclosure so the more open the future partner about her promiscuity and self trashing the more the narcissist is going to be attracted irresistible inexorably and at the same time develop severe abandonment anxiety feel pain feel a lot of pain and react with desperate attempts to re-establish object constancy so if the woman is promiscuous self trashing and talks openly about it this trifecta is almost guarantees that the narcissist will gravitate towards such a partner and will try to acquire her to make her his and to possess her and to convert her and transform her into his partner his intimate partner in the shared fantasy the next two components are diametrically opposed to the first three in many ways first of all the level of organization of the personality a high level of organization the higher the level of organization of personality the more the narcissist is attracted now it usually doesn't go together a high level of organization of personality seats seats ill doesn't doesn't usually go with surf thrashing or promiscuity women who serve trash and are miss promiscuous and especially if they're proud of it are usually women with very low self-esteem labile moods and dysregulated emotions this is for example a typical profile of a woman with borderline personality disorder or even histrionic personality to hyper dysregulated emotionality but if the narcissist finds this unicorn a promiscuous self trashing woman who is personality is highly organised in the do exist but whose personality is highly organized that renders her as I just said the eunuch and finally self-efficacy a high self-efficacy is again very attractive to the narcissist something that draws them in in a way that he cannot resist does not want to resist put the five together from his security self thrashing full proud disclosure high organization of personality and high self-efficacy and you get the ideal profile of a partner in the shared friends because the Nazis never finds this profile in his totality he compromises if I'm three out of five elements it's good enough fights for wonderful but if he finds fine this is going to be the woman in his life why is that can we try to understand the psychodynamic background to this bizarre concoction of traits and behaviors well first of all you do remember the nasty sister subject to Madonna a Madonna complex they divide all women into Madonna's asexual Madonna's sexless Madonna's Saints women with whom they can develop a business establish a family do many things together be great companions but no sex but they may not have sex with them because sex is defiling self is despoiling self is degrading and it on duty you don't do this to a saint or to Madonna although you truly intimate partner in life so this Madonna and then there's war or all the other women the women who are legitimate six six objects the women who can be subjected to sadistic dismantling despoiling degrading demeaning debasing by the nurse is the only type of sexy nose kinky but with humiliation with a pronounced element of humiliating the woman and they're all these other women so the promiscuity and self trashing elements that we mentioned before and especially if the woman is proud of these things they indicate they're strong indicators of a of exactly the type of woman who would constitute a legitimate sex object in the narcissus mind it's like a red light goes on Wow a siren yeah she's the one she's the prostitute she's the woman who would allow me who would let me do anything to her she will not resist or object or reject me never mind what I do to her never mind how I humiliate her never mind how I Despoiler cause the pain etc etc the sadistic element and and so these are the indicators of this and then the personality organization and the self-efficacy they are hallmarks of a mother Mother's are highly organized well supposed to be highly organized they are highly self efficacious they obtain results they accomplish things they are the safe base of the child child feels that the the mother is a pillar she's a foundation she's stable she's always there she's safe she's she she's protective so a high personality organization high self-efficacy a mother like elements Saint like elements so the Madonna complex causes the gnosis is to look for the impossible a woman who on one name is a playmate a playmate in the forest sense in the sexual sense promiscuous self trashing open to submissiveness open to sadism open to kink open to humiliation and on the other hand he wants in the same woman to have strong personality traits enterpreneur she go-getter daredevil simplifications gets what she wants go straight is a high personality organization stable strong cool headed etc and he wants this combination now believe it or not this combination does exist and the Nazis he spends most of his life looking for exactly this kind of woman and when he finds her his infatuation is limitless his limitless and the subsequent shared fantasy is full substitute for reality he'd then totally migrates from reality into the shirt fantasy and and when he's inevitably mortified because this kind of woman is likely to cheat on him likely to betrayed him and likely to finally discard him in abandoning having realized who he is so the end of such a shared fantasy is a massive usually not always a massive multiplication and remember modification is caused by when the woman migrates to another shirt fantasy with a lot of men exiting the shed hunters even the narcissist but she must also blame the narcissist for her transition blame him for her cheating for her abandonment for dumping him transfer all the responsibility to him make him feel bad about himself if she only does the first two if she transitions to a shirred fantasy with another man and exits the fantasy with the narcissist but takes responsibility blame guilt and shame upon herself exempting the narcissist exonerating the narcissist they will not be modification so these are two tools that narcissistic in you know they use at their leisure and pleasure nothing much to do during this pandemic and I hope they will derive some insights although that's a very tall order when it comes to losses I the next video I'm gonna make is in response to a series of questions I've received about how I'm coping during this pandemic what's my what's my inner lynskey how do I feel and so on so stay with us for the next episode

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 74,514

Keywords: cheating, adultery, extramarital, unfaithful, covert, classic, shy, quiet trashing, grooming, isolation, pain, hurt, defences, sex, romantic, unconscious, ego, sadist, sadism, humiliation, degradation, narcissistic supply, mortification, punishment, masochism, narcissist, borderline, shock, shame, guilt, fear, personality, false self, true self, grandiosity, splitting, needs, intimate partner, relationships, anxiety, morals, empathy, healing, trauma, self awareness, child, mother, fantasy, psychosis, delusion, object inconstancy

Id: DRIetgbQe_k

Length: 24min 39sec (1479 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 20 2020