MyPillow Mike’s Major MAGA Fail, Trump’s “Abdul” Obsession & Nicki Minaj Responds to Jimmy Kimmel

thanks for watching and thank you for joining us here in um sunny southern california and we're gathering devin newsome's still the governor uh yesterday he won the he won the recall election i think did he win can you win an election you didn't want to happen it's like coming home from work you say good news honey the guys at the office dug a hole and they pushed me in it but then they decided not to fill it back up with dirt you've had that happen right we all have yesterday um gavin newsom didn't not win he didn't get fired not even close he trounced a clown car full of candidates for running against him the cost to our state was about 300 million dollars which i think is the third most expensive dinner at french laundry ever the top uh republican vote getter radio host larry elder was surprisingly gracious in defeat he accepted the results of the election i forgot what it was like to see a republican do that but it's like every once in a while you see a chicken fly and you're like oh yeah they're birds but most of the candidates made a final push yesterday including america's sweetheart katelyn jenner who seemed to be unaware that she had a better chance of winning another olympic gold medal than the governorship today is election day where did it go i had my little lecture oh there it is got my i voted today and uh it is coming to a close and um uh honestly it is for me it's just like so up in the air what is going to happen yeah uh was it though i mean what happened was caitlyn jenner finished 13th and uh like if this was dancing to the start she'd have been gone the first week that's how bad it was so i guess it's back to waving down tesla's in the parking lot at the e-network begging for another shot have you been have you been following this uh ongoing saga of nicki minaj's cousin's friend's testicles yeah well last night i mentioned that nicki minaj tweeted claiming a friend of a cousin got the covet vaccine in trinidad and as a result his scrotum swelled up so much his fiancee called off their wedding i guess they didn't have enough room for them at the head table or something but the story got a lot of attention dr fauci had to weigh in on it even the minister of health in trinidad and tobago was forced to issue an official statement there is absolutely no reported such side effect or adverse event of testicular swelling in trinidad okay well that's good news now we can visit i guess but i have a lot of questions for nikki's cousins friends and i mentioned that on the show last night that i would like to get in touch with him and i guess nikki saw it because she reached out on twitter she wrote he's willing to talk for the right price i'm his manager call me jimmy which was exciting i don't have nikki's number and i do want to get an idea of what kind of money we're talking about so i wrote back does he charge by the pound you know for the but i've not heard back so far but with any luck only would be able to work out a payment of some kind and get a good look at those nuts right guillermo jimmy yeah speaking of speaking of nuts donald trump is uh there's a new tell-all book that uh paints yet another ugly picture of his time in office this one is focused on what went down during his final days in the white house the book says the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff general mark milley took special steps after january 6 to ensure trump couldn't go rogue and use nuclear weapons to like keep himself in office i'm not sure how that would have worked but millie was apparently so worried trump might start a war with china he called the top military officer in china to reassure him that an attack was not happening trump of course uh had his twitter privileges taken away so he had no choice but to jump on the phone with his former press secretary newsmax host sean spicer so first of all if it is actually true which is hard to believe uh that he would have called china and done these things and was willing to advise them of an attack or in advance of an attack that's treason and i would think i've had so many calls today saying that's treason right i got calls from scabio ted nugent kevin sorbo they all agree it's treason trump also patted himself on the back when it comes to afghanistan once again pointing to his talks with the leader of the taliban in 18 months not one american soldier was killed i had a talk with abdul who is now the leader okay so this abdul he mentioned who he keeps mentioning is the co-founder of the taliban for whatever reason trump only mainly refers to him by his first name i had very strong talks with the leader abdul i had a lot of strong talks i had a very strong conversation with abdul i had a talk with abdul because i dealt with abdul i dealt with the top guy abdul okay so i told you about abdul it's abdul gani karaka let's call him abdul i said nice to speak to you by phone abdul and he goes straight up when in doubt just go with abdul that's the way he thinks one of trump's other buddies the mypillow guy mike lindell is back at it this time he popped up on the jim baker show to sell both his conspiracy theories and pillows for kids well they stole our country yeah we got to take it back we're taking it back maybe yeah and they they stole it at lower levels micro levels levels our time's going away south you know what i believe i believe if everybody would order a set of pillows we could do a million dollars yes just in pella and that would be a great start towards victory yeah right that is they do say that step one buy a weird disney-ish kid's pillow with jesus on it but um so this weekend mike had a rally in kentucky and the promoters of the event were expecting 10 000 people to come less than 300 actually showed up mr my pillow might not have much credibility left even with the maggot crowd which is sad really so i thought we'd check in with mike to make sure he's okay and i believe oh there he is i think there he is our pillow pal mike lindell mike what porch mike what the holy can you hear me mike what in the holy hell show yourself your damn demon where are you i'm not mike it's not a demon it's just me jimmy ah crepes it's just jimmy kindle not now jimmy i'm i'm just about to finally get to the bottom of who stole our country uh what are you doing what the hell does it look like i'm doing i'm cracking open this dominion voted machine to extricate the bogus balance wait that's not a mike that's not a voting machine that's a red box you're darn tootin your guldar tootin it's a red box in fact it's a red communist chinese box and it's here to steal the presidency from our donald j trump no mike that is n it's like a vending machine for movies the second is i know vending machines but one time one time the rotary club sent me down to tokyo we went to the godzilla museum where i got startled by a pokemon and made a squirtle in my gutchies i had to buy a new pair out of the vending machine and can you believe it the dang thing only had pairs of ladies under panties i had to walk around tokyo with this twine yanked up my tailpipe like a chicken tia i've been wearing them ever since you can't see the lights oh yeah yeah it's actually it's very flattering look mike i wanted to catch up because it seems like you had a rough summer ah you heard about that look just because those kids down at the silk city water park saw my testes then let me tell you that the drawstrings came literally no that's not not at all i wouldn't even know about that well i don't know what could be worse than a bunch of wet punks calling your grandpa fat balls while you're trying to unwind in the lingy river wait a minute they called your grandpa fat balls that's not nice at all hey that's what i told him yeah what i was talking about was donald trump because he wasn't reinstated you said on august 13th he would be reinstated as president and he wasn't uh look that was my mistake jim i admit that oh that was bad okay i miscalculated the date because i got my kevin spacey wall calendar upside down oh i had it upside down you have a kevin spacey calendar from i was a 1999. yeah look i didn't become a billionaire by buying new calendars every stinking year jim oh here it is look there on thursday i got to return that copy of that movie aaron brockley you ever see that movie yes exactly yeah it's about a lawyer who sues people with her cleavage it's me hard like a redwood gym could you give me a ride down to blockbuster i'm sorry if something bad happened to blockbuster but listen i want to talk about this that cyber symposium you had because it was honestly nonsensical you sho you showed no evidence of election fraud at all look that's because it was too dangerous to provide the evidence on account and then in the middle of the symposium dominion sent an assassin to viciously attack me in the lobby of my hotel wait a minute he came up like he came right up like leos won't be said hey pillow no well i i read that story and the witness told the police it was just a prankster who poked you in the armpit while he was taking us out that's a lie that is a lie jim that is fake news my underarms were almost assassinated and i know who did it too i know who's back oh you do who did it it was the ninja turtles what you see yeah i rub pepperoni on my clothes so straight dogs will keep me warm when i sleep inside the lincoln my nephew juno pointed out the ninja turtles are addicted to pizza it makes them get violent and go wild like a pack of turtles so you believe that right like a a violent pack of turtles mike that's super crazy um so are you saying that trump will still be reinstated you're sure as shooting i am cause as i i'll tell you right now sure shooting i am it's happening in late december it's uh it's at the stroke of midnight a new year's rocket eve mark my calendar with right when the y2k bug makes all the dominion machines explode dick clark will swear him in on the crystal ball that's what's gonna happen jim we're not gonna let you keep stealing these elections like you and gruesome newsome did last night in the california recall with these darn voting machines over here no such thing the dickens is there what is that what was that what's this oh my good gosh here it is more proof that's ironclad proof total recall oh no oh it's worse than i thought even a former governor swagging hop resentment oh that's that's just seemed like just a dvd that fell out of the machine eventually yeah but this time it looks like they're rigging the election from mars i don't think they're rigging for mars juno come on it's the version that's a pencil sharpener all right paper's out get here that's mike mike lindell thank you mike get back to work seems good all right so you're doing good i was worried about them you know every once in a while it's nice to check in on people and see how they're doing that's what my wife tells me anyway you know hi i'm jimmy kimmel and i am not allowed to eat this cookie until you click the subscribe button so please click now i'm hungry

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,049,581

Rating: 4.7273088 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Live Audience, Hollywood, Recall election, California, Gavin Newsom, Caitlyn Jenner, Larry Elder, Nikki Minaj, Twitter Beef, Dr. Fauci, Trinidad and Tobago, Donald Trump, Tell-all-book, Mark Milley, Sean Spicer, Afghanistan, Abdul, Mike Lindell, Jim Bakker

Id: 9ydp3j5PBlI

Length: 12min 14sec (734 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 15 2021