My life after being sex trafficked by GirlsDoPorn Pt. 2 || Consider Before Consuming Podcast

they've earned a lot of lives mine included and it was on there for years and I emailed for years to get it taken down and no one listened and then it just gets reposted with my name and uh pornhub's like oh they just don't even get back to you there was just no response when you reached out to them uh I think I had one response in five years do you remember what the response was uh we removed the video and that it was just reposted and so many girls we we had that in Discovery um we had to forward the emails and like hey how many times do you think you emailed them how how many requests did you get and I'm like I could could see how many views one of the videos had and it was over 5 million and I'm like great and how many times have I emailed them to take this down thank you foreign [Music] my mom's ready for us to call her whenever oh wow yeah audio's good yes hello hi Mommy pie how are you good so we are on the podcast we're live right now everyone's saying hi I call her mommy pie so what do you want to say about human trafficking and healing and how it's affected me oh it's affected every aspect of your life and it's been really hard to sit back and watch you heal because it's like it's always like two steps forward one step back you know five steps forward ten steps back it's just it's so hard because you're so loved and just it's been devastating for everyone I I don't know if you can hear me but I just want to state that I think it's cool that you said that you have to sit back and let her do the healing you know you don't have to just just make her better and she's our family but um all we can do is be a soft place to land and just always you know try to remind her that she's loved by all of us and she'll forget and and she'll be mad at herself and and then we remind her and it's just it's constant it's just been really it's been really really hard and sad but we're also just so proud of her for who she is and and in spite of it all it's just been it's been tough yeah can I ask you a question mom yes how did um thinking that I had chosen to do porn and knowing that I was trafficked um like change your mind about what had happened how did it make you feel and think differently well I think at the beginning none of us could imagine none of us could put into words human trafficking because it just seemed so like it didn't cross our minds it didn't cross your mind it didn't cross any of our minds the words human trafficking they weren't in our just they weren't even knowing yeah it wasn't in our capacity to understand there's my grandma there wasn't vocabulary for my grandma in the background too hi nanny pie and so um that was that was just we didn't even consider it we just thought just like you it was just like oh yeah she made a mistake okay we move on from here but the first second I found out I just thought I'm never gonna smile again I just it was so sad and and that's kind of our logic at the beginning in the first 24 hours and then when we found out it was human trafficking it was just it was just sad it was just you know just I mean it was all sad but it was even more sad that someone could take advantage so badly of of our daughter out of so many girls and how rampant it is in the in the world yeah and that's why we we say we hope that knowing what's happened to me has ruined porn for some people yeah yeah totally we as an organization and as individuals we just want to state how grateful we are for for you and also for your family and we feel privileged that you're here today and like I said earlier you literally by definition are making the world a better place by being here so thank you well I wish we I wish none of us had to be here of course but now we get to educate and hopefully we're important for a lot more people yep break that fantasy because it's just like like there's so many victims even you know and and I did I mean we've all learned so much you know I mean there is a tiny silver lining in every and every horrible thing but that is the thing we all have learned to not judge and to to realize that we have no idea what people are going through thank you Mama I'll call you when we're done I love you so much okay love you bye I think that's the the best uh message that my whole family's taken away from this um you truly don't know what someone's going through um and whether someone is doing porn voluntarily like what have they been through in their life men and women alone are alike everyone's craving intimacy we're all craving acceptance and pornography is such a a false Quick Fix um to try to feel something other than what you're feeling um but it's all fake and men get addicted women get addicted it's rampant it affects everyone in our society you don't know the people that have been in it uh what they've been through in their lives or if they're there by choice um when I talk to two guys or girls alike I don't say um are you addicted to porn as often as I say when was the last time because so many people have this idea of addiction like oh well I can't I'm not addicted I can stop anytime I want uh but I I challenge people to really try to push themselves and heal feel intimacy feel desire or Acceptance in other ways learn learn to accept yourself um I think so many times We crave acceptance and validation from other people and the real issue is do we do I want me I I haven't been able to really have a healthy relationship because I didn't feel good enough for anyone I felt so broken and damaged that I just ignored red flags I uh accepted false judgment because I felt broken and Unworthy of love and when we look internally and find that within ourselves especially through therapy really highly recommending therapy or reading therapeutic books there's so many different tools and resources out there that we didn't have before like this podcast like 10 years ago uh or 13 years ago when I was raped when I was 15 I I didn't know that there was help out there I didn't know that it was so prevalent I wasn't the only one and it didn't make me broken forever I I have to remind myself about that constantly now I'm not broken I'm not damaged goods and if other people want to label me that way if other people want to choose to look it up and take part in that human trafficking whether it's knowingly or not I I have to find that worth Within Myself and that desire to keep living and and any trauma victim we're all damaged to some point but we're not damaged goods we're not broken Beyond repair yeah I'm really grateful that my family is here for me now and I finally let them in and let them help they were really great and I I was so angry and bitter for years that no one saw through the the facade I'm like don't don't you guys know how much I'm hurting and then when when it finally came out they were like well why didn't you tell us and I had to really look internally um and work through that on my own and I still have days where I I'm like oh well I feel like they're always judging me I feel like I can't have like close relationships or um have a healthy romantic relationship because I I feel like I have to find that self-worth Within Myself um rather than just constantly seeking validation elsewhere and I think that's what pornography does for a lot of people it's validating um and they they feel like it's okay but you don't know what that person's been through you don't know I'm sure millions of people have watched the video of me and had no idea they were participating in the human trafficking and I love that the name of your podcast is consider considered before consumption I think that's so important it's it's like with any addiction there there's help out there there's resources there's no judgment and just because you think you might not be addicted to pornography doesn't mean you aren't I really had to learn to not numb and run away anymore I got to the point where I would just take a handful of Xanax and drink a bottle of alcohol I I was trying anything I could to not feel and working through trauma working on addiction working with counselors it's painful but it is so much better than living your whole life running from Pain you do have to actually allow yourself permission to feel and I don't think we should feel shameful about wanting to film them because I think that's our body naturally engaging yeah it's a protect It's A coping mechanism yeah you don't you don't want to run towards it so we shouldn't feel shameful for that I also really like that you talked about how like self-love is the foundation of healing and I just want to state that I hope you are your biggest fan because you are a champion and you've already healed so much but I see even more healing in your future my mom and I used to say like we're gonna we're gonna punch those triggers in the face like uh someone a man checking me out at the grocery store or getting a disgusting harassment message it happens all the time there are constant triggers around us everyone has them um I had certain smells that were trigger certain like songs there were so many different things where immediately I would go into that like fight or flight and I freaked out and I I used to run from it and this past year I went to um Hawaii with my mom and my grandma the year before I was completely suicidal I was trying to numb the whole time I was there I I didn't spend a lot of time with my family I was just so ashamed of who I was and everything that I was feeling every trigger was shameful and terrifying and made me feel more broken and damaged and this time last time we went I had just read something uh by a therapist I I don't even remember who it was and I really want to give them the credit so I'll have to look into this but he said embrace it and thank your body for allowing you to know what needs to be healed thank your body for reminding you that you have work to do we all do it's okay so I started doing this thing where I laid on the ground and I put one hand on my heart so I could feel my heart beating to remind me that I I was here and I I was alive I put one hand on my stomach so I could feel my breath and I laid with it and I sat in that pain for a moment I I put like a timer on my phone I think the first time was 10 minutes because I couldn't bear anymore wow and I sat with those triggers and I let myself feel anger and regret and disgust shame I let myself feel everything for just an amount of time that I could handle I embraced it I let myself feel the pain and it was very uncomfortable and not something that I enjoyed but the more I do it the easier it gets the better it gets and the less those triggers control me yeah you're I think it's on a neurological level you're rewiring your brain to identify triggers as like you can go from like dreading a trigger to being grateful that your body gives you those triggers but because it is a defense mechanism yeah you're like re you're saying okay calm down yeah you're in okay I'm in a safe place yeah that's cool like my mom said on the phone there have been times where it's been two steps forward one step back five steps forward ten steps back it's been um a roller coaster and and just having this um be such a constant looming thing not only the video but like the ongoing trials right we have we've done so many trials so far and we still have so much to do and Michael Pratt is still on the run so hopefully one day we can bring him to justice as well um before I I dreaded it in 2019 I was numbing I was terrified to feel I wanted to legally changed my name I wanted to get like a nose job dye my hair my hair was Brown in the video my hair will never be all the way Brown again it's just one of those things that I have to do for me uh and I hate that they took that from me I hate that they made me ashamed of my name of my body they took so much and I was letting them back then I was letting them control my life and and I did somehow I finished nursing school but even at that time like I couldn't be proud of myself because there was this big dark ugly past that I thought I could never ever move on from I had no hope I I had I have nieces and nephews that I adore and sometimes even now I have to picture their faces if I want to hurt myself or I have to snuggle my dog um I got her in 2019. um so now I have coping mechanisms that I don't run from I don't try to numb every time I slip up all the time I still have the self-doubt I still have the shame I have um I write poetry and that that's my outlet and some of it's dark and I would never show it to anyone but I let it out instead of burying it and I 2019 I was terrified um of who I was I was terrified of talking about what happened I I let it completely yeah it owned every aspect of me it was it was always there a constant daily thing I I would get um physically violently ill anytime I got a disgusting message or a phone call anytime I was really reminded of the trauma and I still owned it a lot back then I still blamed myself for for being this naive girl and and now we have had some justice and that does offer some like resolution it offers some hope I think a lot of the girls we and especially just like having this incredible group of women um I have a few of them in my in my favorites on my contacts and we'll have nightmares and we'll call each other in the middle of the night and my phone ringer is always on for a few of these girls because we can call each other hey I just got this disgusting message I'm feeling really triggered it's so incredible having a support system of people that actually understand so many times when you're hurting people be like oh my gosh I totally get it and you're like no you don't at all right you can show empathy and and at the same time absolutely not say that you know what what it was like yes and everyone we all have our our own struggles our own trials and like it's not just about our bodies it's um we don't always know what other people are going through no the only thing we can do is is be like a listening ear and a soft place to land and I have that now with my family it's gotten so much better the last three years I didn't have that when you and I spoke before um I'm incredibly grateful for that I got divorced and that was a healthy thing it was an unhealthy marriage for both of us it was toxic so I have I have different support systems than I had then I have um hope for the future I have a willingness to actually change and actually work on things I think like the first step for so many different things is recognition like in Alcoholics Anonymous awareness any sort of yes awareness any sort of addiction you have to first admit you have a problem or like you have a broken leg you look down at your leg oh my gosh my leg is broken that's the first step right and then you go I like comparing things to medicine because it makes so much sense to me and sometimes I have to think okay this trauma is this awful like gory blistering totally infected wound and no one else can see it which is really hard they don't understand my pain they just see the ugly the ugly part of it they don't understand how infected it is how how much it's hurting me how much it's killing me and and when you're doing things like therapy it's the next step it's not just recognizing oh my gosh I hurt or I have this problem it's okay I don't want to hurt anymore right and I don't want to have this problem and you can numb for so long and you can you can die eventually you have to open up the wound you do I and it's pain and clean it out gross right yeah yeah we call it debridement it's disgusting uh it smells and it's ugly and that's how I feel about um healing of any sort childhood trauma um the human trafficking like the video is so different because I know that it's never going away but I can get stronger and that's the only way like I I can even survive I'm terrified to have children I'm terrified one day someone's gonna go up to my kid at school and show them a picture and is was this your mom and it's just like um the the boy from high school sending me the video like oh my gosh look at you and it's like gosh they don't they don't see the the horrible infection and or how much it hurt they don't see the blood on the sheets me running and screaming and fighting it just looks how uh they wanted it to look they edited it they edited all of it they they made me re redo scenes and and it just kept going until I agreed and at this point I'm like okay I can keep living my whole life really caring and letting that own me because there's always going to be someone out there that calls me a porn star and it's always going to make me sick but I can I can smile and I can say I hope you heal right the haters are loud but yeah yeah feeling is real and when people are judging and hating they just haven't learned that lesson yet my mom and I when she said um it's taught us not to judge now when I have if I if a boy um says this is too much for me I don't I don't judge him I don't say like well what a jerk you are like you're judgmental I just think like okay I don't blame you you have your own healing to do we all do and I can't constantly put that back on myself I was carrying the weight of the world and just drowning right it's hard being transparent and vulnerable with people you're you're always so scared that they're going to reject you right like everyone's really scared of rejection we all we want validation and love and yeah and good hugs um and we say hurt people hurt people yeah and I like even these men that trafficked us I I have so much anger um but I can't live my whole life like that I have to let it go at some point and and that's not condoning their actions it's not at all saying what they did was okay what they did was atrocious and it'll never be okay they ruined lives but I I don't have to carry it around with me everywhere I go I can I can let go of some of that pain I can heal Yeah clean out the wound and take those antibiotics Yeah you mentioned AA and the first step is like recognition or awareness yeah the last step of AA if I'm not mistaken I've never done it but it's to help someone else yeah the 12th step is to go help someone else and I think that that is what you're doing today that's exactly that's the reason I'm here that's the reason I went and testified it wasn't uh my mom she was very very wary of me testifying she was like you just let your arm open you just tried to die you can't you can't emotionally handle it and there is uh like you can't pour from an empty cup you do have to make sure you take care of yourself and and heal before you help others and I I've made that mistake of spreading myself too thin so many times but now I've done the work it's always gonna be work I'm always going to be healing and that's okay but I'm still here I'm glad I'm still here I tried really hard many times to not be I wanted to be done but I'm so grateful I have the career I have I'm grateful I get to help people I'm grateful for the opportunity to be here today um so that we can help anyone know like you're not alone if you're hurting there is hope it might not feel like it in the moment and working through the pain sucks and that's like a really rude awakening sometimes we want we want everything to be butterflies and rainbows but there's a lot of [ __ ] yeah cleaning out the wound is not fun no it's not fun but it's okay and it's worth it yep I'm really excited to testify again um I feel stronger this time and I I can deal with the harassment it's not fun it's horrible and I know I'm gonna have way more hard days ahead but it's better than it was in 2019 and 2025 will be better and hopefully I'll feel whole enough and my cup will be full enough that I can really look for ways to to serve others that's um I'm working on getting my sexual assault nurse examiner license wow and I think that that's going to be a really triggering hard thing but I would so much rather have someone give me a rape kit that says hey I'm so sorry you're hurting I have been through trauma two we don't compare our trauma and you're gonna hurt and you're not alone and you don't have to be alone I think when we're hurting we isolate a lot wow I did so much of that and I didn't let anyone in because I was too afraid to hurt them or are too afraid of judgment um but it's okay to ask for help to educator let people help you I think that's a beautiful thing that you want to become is it referred to as a sane yeah I see a nurse yeah that's my ultimate I'm I want to get my doctorate in nursing so I'll be a dnp eventually but I can I can do a lot of volunteering with sexual assault victims you will literally be able to give trauma-informed care not from an educate like you didn't have to learn even though you will learn about those things you also experienced them yeah and I think that will give you power to help other people yeah in a very um Twisted way I'm incredibly grateful wow some of the girls from trial we we were talking the other day and we were it was a year anniversary since we put Garcia away and we were saying ah I hate what brought us together but my one of my best friends I always say you're my person and it's incredible that she can be like oh those nightmares I had one last week but it'll get better let's talk about it let's heal together it's great it's so good to have support and to let people support you because we don't have to do it alone porn is a lonely thing you sit there alone and you watch it I am living proof almost wasn't living proof but right now I'm living proof that it's not always consensual I did not consent I am not a porn star I was never a porn star no matter how the world may perceive me I couldn't even say that out loud for a long time because I blamed myself but I was taking advantage of I was human trafficked and it's not okay I really love um for you to uh talk more about the trial details however much you can share but first I want to go back to a point that you just said about how it was not consensual because I think that that's a big misconception in the world today that if you sign a contract you are consenting um but the reality is that valid consent can be rescinded at any time and even if you sign a contract um and you don't feel like if a performer doesn't feel safe in an environment if they're not able to rescind their consent it's not true consent it's coercion I think it's the same thing with rape yeah you can yes consensually begin to have sex and if at any point you're done or you say stop if that continues I would consider that sexual assault completely yeah correct and it's the same same with trafficking yes what we say is that a yes is only valid if no is a legitimate option oh I love that and for you I have goosebumps you Can't fake those no for you no was not a legitimate option so no even though you signed your name on the dotted line under duress by the way yeah under duress Under Pressure terrified exactly didn't get to read what I was signing I had zero idea what I was signing yes that was and I would say that because Saturday interrupt UK don't understand I just wanted her to emphasize that just because there's a contract doesn't mean it's it's consensual yeah and that's true even for voluntary porn performers as well I agree with that fully that's so huge and I think that that's why some people are like oh well they agreed to it they there were contracts it's a it was a company um like PornHub fought us on that too and it's like no I never got to read a word of that contract I was completely pressured I was terrified I was locked in a room right they misrepresented themselves absolutely they it becomes a fraudulent contract yeah yes we fought that in court completely fraudulent yeah men two men standing right over your shoulders sitting at a desk Sign Here sign here flipping the edge of the page initial here and I I'm like no no I want a copy of this I want to read it no no now now and and then you don't it's gonna get worse yeah yeah if you don't you're we're gonna tell everyone you're a porn star um so obviously there have been a lot of things in your life that have gone on since the trafficking you've had trial after trial and now there's even more um upcoming yeah so there were two civil lawsuits that I'd like to um for you to briefly have the opportunity to speak about and that is the girls do porn civil lawsuit and what what is the difference between the girls who points of a lawsuit where you got the ownership rights and the 12.7 million that we've never seen yeah and then there was a second trial um that was a civil lawsuit and where there were Now 60 Jane does who jumped on and sued the parent company of PornHub yes um what is the difference between those two trials um the first was just going after girls do porn it was just trying to get the ownership rights it was trying to get them to take the website down like the the things that we found out in Discovery that I can't specifically name like the amount of money that they made in their time was just disgusting the amount of views and subscriptions or subscribers that um they had was just disgusting and then they marketed it on all these other websites uh reposted it on all these other websites put our personal information down so that they would get more views so that we would get harassed and it would make them more money they are literally profiting from trafficking yes including in the um in the first civil lawsuit all of our Jane Doe numbers were listed online with all of our personal names personal information that's not something that I'm not okay saying because it's the internet you can find whatever you want wherever you want uh there was a a website called like porn weeks or something where they posted episode numbers and posted girls real names and whatever social media they had I deleted all of my social media for years I had like this big yoga Instagram that I was really proud of and I thought like how I'm inspiring people I I'm sharing like positive messages it was something I enjoyed and I went completely dark I deleted absolutely everything changed my number we know that they um they created fake uh Facebook profiles and it's I it's all in discoveries I think that this is public knowledge so I believe I can talk about it and they tried to reach out to girls that weren't part of the trial yet to figure out what was like going on and then girls that were in the trial the way that I even found out about the trial was from a random message I had I had just barely created a Facebook um page again I went to a retreat for sexual assault victims and there were all these darling women that were like in their late 40s late 50s and that uh generation they loved Facebook and I was like oh I'm terrified to go back on social media and I did it just so that I could stay in touch with these women and I was grateful for that and I got this message from an unknown account named Liam and it was saying like hey have you heard of Carrie Goldberg I know you're one of the girls do porn victims um Carrie Goldberg was a New York attorney she's the one that got in touch with Brian Holm and helped us start this whole thing um she was great when I did actually contact her but he was telling me about the case so that he could try to figure out what was going on and he's like let me know when they reply to you send screenshots I'm really emotionally invested in this I really care about what happened to you and I and I've talked to this girl and this girl and told them to join the case and like in the end it ended up benefiting me um getting in touch with them but it was them trying to catfish us wow yeah it was pretty disgusting and then this is just something I'm gonna keep having to deal with and it was years before um the start of that entire litigation to the end of it correct it was like you know because they started exploiting women in was it 2014 I I think it was actually 2011 because it happened to a girl that I went to high school with that was a year older than me really when she was 18. and later I found we found out oh my gosh it's the same people yeah well that's just absolutely guts me that it took so long because the the first lawsuit closed out and the decision was handed down in January 2020. yes I was part of the first lawsuit um but they they had two different groups of girls like originally I think it was like 11 of us and it had already been going on for a solid year before I even found out about it and joined and by the time I did they're like oh well now we have like 22 girls so I guess we're we're meshing everything together and then um eventually with the PornHub the Mind geek lawsuit we had 60 girls yeah and that was filed in December 2020. and yeah we didn't even find out until the fall yep what was happening with that I feel like everything that has gone on with court has been like years like wolf has been in jail for years before finally agreeing to plead guilty and he um this is something I can say the judge uh rejected the original plea deal they wanted to give him a maximum of 13 years and she said absolutely not and that was gonna be the only way that he was gonna plead and eventually he did take the new plea deal so we will have our time in court when we get to give our trial statements again with the same judge and I was really impressed by that judge she she got emotional during Garcia's um during his trial she was incredible they wanted to give him less time the his attorney kept kept saying he's not a rapist like uh because every girl when we when we talked about our testimonies we were like when I was raped right because that's how we all consider it it was non-consensual sex that is rape right and his attorney got very defensive about that and the girls and I are all just looking at each other like what and getting getting just riled up and he's a registered sex offender for life why would you be arrested sex offender if yeah it was uh there were parts of that entire experience that were extremely upsetting but I think that the judge was really incredible when she gave her um her final judgment she told us all it's public knowledge the court documents she told us all how emotional the case was and how it was a really difficult one for her and I just really appreciated her compassion during that and I'm really grateful that she's taking on more so she'll be handling I believe with wolf as well and hopefully that should be happening in the next couple of months I know they're trying to expedite it but normally we don't know when something's happening uh during my entire 20 months of nursing school every month I I had to like go to the administration and say like hey I might have to go testify during this FBI trial we don't know when it's going to be and then it kept getting pushed back and pushed back and pushed back and and my school was super difficult to work with and and then people at school found out and people wanted to say I was lying about it and oh I found her video I I think she's just a porn star and and lying and embarrassed and I'm like it's a it's a freaking FBI trial but there wasn't any proof yet uh and now that there's proof it's like people want to talk about it it was just on NBC yesterday two of the girls talked about it um it is unfortunate when it's only one or two girls talking because I I don't think it's fair to speak for everyone I think it's fair to say we've all been through immense trauma we're all hurting we're all affected by this forever but I'm not going to compare my trauma to someone else's and say what I went through was worse uh because I didn't know what I was going out for or someone was 18 instead of 22 or there's it's just semantics and I think that that gets so convoluted and and inappropriate so I think when you lump all of the Jane does together it's not fair and that's what the media is doing right now it's uh triggering its kind of disgusting because it's just encouraging more harassment everyone's looking up the videos extra wow that's true because it's getting media attention it's like the more publicity the worse it is but the the most that we can do is keep trying to fight I'll definitely be testifying again um I I didn't feel as strong last time but I did it the day after we testified a bunch of girls and I went to the beach and I think that that is one of my very favorite days of my life because we had this moment of just like peace knowing that we all had this like bond that is totally unbreakable a bond that you never want to have with someone but we finally had someone that could connect so we look for ways that we can uplift each other and just having that support system that so many trauma victims don't get to have I've been incredibly grateful for I've had really incredible friendships we're always worried about about someone spiraling and hey how can we reach out how can we help each other and and hey I'm triggered are you triggered uh I had a phone call with a few of them last night because of the wolf plea deal and we're all like oh goodness the the NBC article and the vice article like this is a lot this is a lot of publicity how are you doing and we were able to chat and just validate each other make sure we're okay I fell asleep on speakerphone with my best friend last night because I we were both worried to sleep alone and we both had our dogs thank goodness but we're in different states and we were like okay just leave your phone on speaker and like the the ringtone's always on if we need it so I I hate how we were brought together I said that before but I'm immensely grateful for them I feel like it's never going to be over right I feel like there's always going to be something um and people like there are some people that are trying to monetize again off of us um whether it's people that act like they're supporting it or whatnot that's why I'm grateful for actual non-profits like you guys that actually fight and don't just speak for everyone lumping you saying oh all the GDP girls each each Survivor deserves the Nuance like a nuanced conversation about what they experienced right I agree with that yeah and yeah it's really difficult when people um compare us because I feel like I haven't I haven't been heard I don't like being called a girls do porn victim it's definitely a triggering word so it was like difficult dealing with their attorneys uh all different laws but I I am grateful that we can talk about it like yeah PornHub having a download button not verifying people and some of the girls with the girls do porn trial were 17 when they were groomed well they they certainly got um Michael Pratt he is um he is charged with child pornography charges yes he flew out um the court documents say that she was 16 when she was flown out to San Diego at least one of the yeah underage girls and so he's on the run for yeah conspiracy to commit sex trafficking sex trafficking as well as child pornography so did did the PornHub lawsuit did it feel like a win at all because I mean you'll never had to end up settling and it was a 10 month process from the time that you filed in December yeah to settling in um late summer fall of 2021 did that feel like a win um no I didn't I feel like the very words subtle it's like oh that that sounds better than actually working for something I I really want like we settle every day in our lives so what we can say is the original girls do porn lawsuit with um pretty much 11 years in the making yes and then this PornHub lawsuit was 10 months long yes and that was not necessarily something that you're happy about how quick it was personally no I I don't think that um I don't I don't think that that was Justice I think PornHub was incredibly complicit I think they're the main reason so many of those videos are still out there because of that download button I think that they are horrible company and it's one of the most well-known websites in the entire world so I'm um extremely anti-porn and extremely anti-pornhub they they disgust me I think that they uh they've ruined a lot of lives mine included and it was on there for years and I emailed for years to get it taken down and no one listened and then it just gets reposted with my name and uh pornhub's like oh they just don't even get back to you there was just no response when you reached out to them uh I think I had one response in five years do you remember what the response was uh we removed the video and then it was just reposted and so many girls we we had that in Discovery um we had to forward the emails and like hey how many times do you think you emailed them how how many requests did you get and I'm like I could could see how many views one of the videos had and it was over 5 million and I'm like great and how many times have I emailed them to take this down I think it just speaks to how irresponsible PornHub is and the lack of moderation absolutely that they have there's no way for the amount of content that's being uploaded to that site there's no way to have enough moderators to review this content absolutely and the amount of revenge porn that they have on there that's ruined high school girls lives how many people have committed suicide they they trafficked over I I was I don't even know what number um in the 300s and they still went on for years after that I think it was over what do you mean would you elaborate on that I didn't catch what you meant by the 300. uh episode oh oh of girls report yeah they did this to I I want to say I don't know the exact number I want to say it was over 500 women oh okay gotcha and it was at least yes I know this for a fact because they went on for about two years after me and that's on PornHub uh top 10 recommended so how many lives have they ruined and been complicit and ruining and and charging people for quick satisfaction I I think like that the truth needs to be told more about that and lives need to stop being ruined because people are greedy would you say then that the Mind geek trial was less about the damages the money and more about holding the site accountable for what they were profiting off of yes I I do agree with that I'm grateful that people like visa and MasterCard stopped promoting and processing yeah processing and accepting them when they realized how complicit PornHub is with human trafficking big shout out to Nicholas Kristoff yes huge shout out I'm incredibly grateful what about with um Teddy the cameraman Teddy was the cameraman in my uh personal video I don't he hasn't gone through trial yet no but he's pled guilty he has pled guilty and he was most definitely guilty he yeah he picked he was the one that picked me up in the Escalade locked the doors um yeah he physically shoved me at one point he uh at the at the end they wanted to film a shower scene and told me to blow the camera kiss and I just about threw up right then and there I was like get out of here and as soon as he walked out with the camera I locked the door but I think it's so important for people to know like it wasn't just what was on camera so many women myself included were sexually assaulted raped groped beaten up drugged all these different things off of the camera uh they would say things like oh I just want to warm you up or um trust me you'll really like it or or the next day I'm trying to like convince a girl that they're dating like he he on top of everything that actually happened during the videos he was so manipulative and aggressive and violent he was very violent and I'm really grateful that we saw Justice for him I I know not everyone was happy with that outcome um in the end though like there was some justice done like I'm glad he can't hurt people right now and I think that's all we can really be grateful for at this moment hopefully we find at some point hopefully he's not hurting anyone right now like who knows where he is um but like what's driving that people are getting addicted to pornography and then they're trying to go get it in person and the girls keep getting younger and younger and then they're forced into it it's not just actors and who knows what everyone's been through in their lives but we have to stop the demand the whole the whole draw with girls do porn is like the the nice uh girl next door would never do this has haven't done this before that's why they make you do the interview at the beginning and they coach you on what to say they I don't even know how many times they refilmed mine they're like bite your lip a little or whatever and it just kept going until you give them what they want and so I don't think a single interview at any in anyone's video was was honest so many people were like oh I found out a lot about you and I'm like actually you didn't yeah and actually I'm not a porn star do you have any advice for other survivors of sexual abuse or sex trafficking tell someone and get help I I regret not going um to the police when I was 15. I didn't want to admit that my virginity had been taken I didn't want to admit that I was tainted I didn't even tell my family for years uh because I didn't want anyone to think differently so um sticking to your guns sticking up for yourself knowing your worth is huge when when this whole video came out I thought I had no worth I thought oh it doesn't matter if I die if I commit suicide um I used to think suicide was a really selfish thing I grew up really religious and and I was like how could anyone ever do that they're hurting so many other people and then being in that mindset which I've I've attempted I don't know four or five times now and while I was in that mindset I thought this is the most selfless loving thing I can do for my family they are so much better off without me I love them so much that I'm willing to to stop all this pain to never hurt them again never have them feel shame yeah from me I'm gonna lighten their that's how you framed it yeah and I think I think of suicide a lot differently now yeah I I had a cousin accident accidentally odion um Xanax he we didn't realize if it was suicide or not um but knowing that I almost put my family through that and he's a cousin I I didn't grow up with him I didn't know him super super well but I was destroyed by it yeah and I was like how why didn't I know he was hurting yeah why didn't I reach out why didn't I try to help um I don't think of it as a selfish thing anymore I think of it as such a lonely just devastating thing and kind of look at it as like an unhealthy coping mechanism yeah like you have empathy for those who are victims of suicide yeah because that's yeah I think it gives you a much different mindset but um I think we just have to reach out and ask for help and that there are so many resources out there that I didn't know about and I was um I was hurting too much to think that I mattered enough to get help yeah and I was worried about being judged but there's like the suicide hotline there are people if you don't feel safe going to a family member or a friend um there are so many you can go to the hospital like I've I've literally admitted myself before saying hey I haven't done anything yet but I'm going to hurt myself and they just sedated me and I I finally like slept for the first time in five days I couldn't sleep because I was having nightmares and it was making me Delirious and just out of my mind with grief and it like healthy sleep hygiene is one of the most important things try therapy get a dog like don't think that you're broken don't think that your life doesn't matter no one can take that away from you each one of us is a complex individual yeah we we have so many different facets different emotions different personalities and that's what makes us beautiful and I think just consciously going about your day thinking okay someone else might be hurting I'm not the only one there's no shame in asking for help and taking the steps to actually heal and knowing that you're not alone it's sick that sexual assault is so prevalent it's sick that there's such a demand for pornography um so doing the most that we can to stop feeding that fire yeah spreading awareness I think if anything if you let it your trauma and trial can give you wings and it can give you opportunities to help there are silver linings and everything even if it's really really hard to see them my mom's helped me see it my job has helped me see it um I've had to like remember to try new things like look for different talents I have actually get to know myself try to discover the things that I actually really love that's cool yeah I I just uh isolated for so long that I was like I feel so alone I I'm gonna go learn how to fly fish and I learned how much I loved it so cool I I just think everyone should get a dog though well this was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be really cool yeah thank you so much [Music] if you've enjoyed listening to consider before consuming consider making a one-time or recurring donation to support the podcast your contribution whatever the amount helps support our efforts to educate individuals on the impacts of pornography help keep this podcast going by donating to consider before consuming today at ftnd.org forward slash support that's ftnd.org forward slash support thanks for joining us on this episode of consider before consuming consider before consuming is brought to you by fight the new drug fight the new drug is a non-religious and non-legislative organization that exists to provide individuals the opportunity to make an informed decision regarding pornography by raising Awareness on its harmful effects using only science facts and personal accounts if you'd like to learn more about today's guest and the conversation we had you can check out the links included with this episode if you've enjoyed listening to consider before consuming consider subscribing and leaving a review again big thanks to you for listening to this conversation as you go about your day we invite you to increase your self-awareness look both ways check your blind spots and consider before consuming [Music]

Channel: Fight the New Drug

Views: 503,133

Keywords: Sex Trafficking, Sex Trafficked, Sex, Trafficking, Porn, Sex Trafficking Survivor, I survived Sex Trafficking, GirlsDoPorn, GDP, FBI, Top Ten Most Wanted, Life after sex trafficking, consider before consuming, cbc, podcast, ftnd, fight the new drug, Girls Do Porn, part 2

Id: pUeAmI8v060

Length: 57min 16sec (3436 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 28 2022