My Abusive Father Locked Me Inside For 30 Years | Minutes With | @LADbible

if I did things like look out of the window or just anything that I like to do and that was forbidden she would go and tell him about it and get me into trouble which often led to enormous explosions of anger and a lot of beating and kicking and other forms of violence [Music] what do you remember from early childhood my earliest memories were of a lot of violence in the house I grew up with my father well I didn't know he was my father but and my mother and a few other people it was not the family but it was a close commune which they call the Communist Collective at first it was kind of like a small Communist party on a small scale and as time went on it became more more and more like a quasi-religious organization so there was less and less of the the political aspect to it I mean that still carried on but it became more of the cult of personality and he started to say that he would one day become ruler of the world when China took over from from the West that is this is the way he used to talk and it sounds absolutely crazy but that's what I grew up believing I don't know at what point but he started to say also that he was actually already the ruler of the world but that was in secret and that was why the what he called the British fascist state was always targeting him and everybody was spying on him and neighbors if they played loud music were part of the fascia State's campaign to disturb him and make his life difficult and and he became increasingly more paranoid and saying bizarre things that people were listening in to him when he's talking EB could leave the house on his own and of course do whatever he wanted but the other cult members always had to go in in a pair they were not allowed to go on their own except a couple of members who were going out to work how did you refer to the cult leader at that point in time did you call him father or dad I was told to call him comrebala or a b sometimes I wasn't aware that he was my father or that I had a mother I didn't know any I'd even as a child I didn't know the concept of father and mother I just knew that this was Conor Bala and we had to do as he said my mom didn't know that she was pregnant until her Waters broke so it was a shock to everybody when when I was born and a b explained it to his wife and to the rest of the cult members that there was electronic warfare going on and that's why the baby was born this woman called Sean who I later then was my mother in many ways she was crueler than everybody else it was like she was trying to prove that her loyalty to a b was more than her love for her own daughter she had to prove to him that she did not care about me at all so she was the one who was always getting me into trouble by saying that I had done something that I hadn't done or just anything the repercussions from that were terrible I was just like left in the room on my own and people went out of the door and shut the door behind them and held the door and left me on my own and that might not seem like such a bad thing but in the context I was always told that if I was on my own bad things would happen to me that members of the fascist state would come along and take me away and do horrible harmful things to me so it was terrifying to be left on my own if I did things like look out of the window or just anything that I like to do and that was forbidden she would go and tell him about it and get me into trouble which often led to enormous explosions of anger and a lot of beating and kicking and other forms of violence EB was very even though he was quite small and getting on in years he was very powerful when he was angry and he could really hurt you when you grew up did you think other people were living the same way as you or were you aware that everyone outside your house was living in a different way I would say I think the cult tried to hide from me how other people were living because they wouldn't let me for example even look out of the window but I inevitably did start to look out of the window and then I was told that these people outside the neighbors and other people you saw walking past were living horrible lives unlike the Fantastic life that I had been blessed with so I was never allowed to even go out of the house or go to school or even go to the doctor that was that was how I grew up what kind of people was he getting to live with him and stay with him he had his fiancee who later became his wife and then her disabled sister and he he used to do campaigning among the Malaysian students and nurses who were living and studying in the UK when I was born there were 10 people in the house and aside from my father all the rest were women one of them was a union rep and the other was a nurse in a rehabilitation center so we lived on the money that they brought in they they had all cut off ties with their families that was kind of that was kind of a deal breaker for joining the cult that you had to keep your family at a distance and many of them like my mum she said I have no mother when her mother came to the door to try to find out whether she was living there or not and they were none of them were allowed to have contact with their families he used to say well I can't remember word for word but the essence of it was this that all the feelings that they had were actually chains upon them preventing them from devoting their lives fully to the Communist course and by Ascension to him so they had to consciously reject anything which aroused emotions or a sense of Bond or connection with anyone else they had to go against that and pretend that it didn't exist or almost like punish themselves for daring to have such thoughts even when what he said was clearly wrong or clearly didn't tally it's like saying one thing one day and something completely different the other day it was like they were just they were just nod along almost like zombies and I think a lot of these people were very naive and very easily LED and they wanted to believe in something that was good and it sounded very good if you heard him speak you would really think that he meant well and it was it was like there was a a dark undercurrent which was not immediately noticeable to a person who was so taken out by the message people have read the Lord of the Rings he reminded me the way he used to talk of Saruman and the voice of Saruman who used to make people believe what he said using the power of His Voice I I just remember lots of time seeing people standing around in circles listening to a b talk and sometimes it was three or four hours people will stand up and sometimes people used to pass out and they would get slapped and beaten up for passing out everyone would stand around in a circle and Target one person whoever that person was and say all the bad things about them and then others would just join in and pile on that person and reduce them to tears and kind of just abuse them emotionally and verbally when they failed to follow his instructions they were actually harming themselves so what he used to say was that he believed that he had a mind control machine who he called Jackie and he used to say that when he beat people up or punished people he was actually protecting them from the much greater Wrath of Jackie Jackie was an invisible entity which he called he used to call it the machines when I was growing up as a child and later on he became Jackie the the adults in the house were the ones who really believed in Jackie I mean as a child growing up I kind of I don't know if I seriously believed in it but I didn't know any better than to challenge it but the others in the house the they really believed in it and they I don't know I don't understand how they managed to sink to such a level where they accepted such things without question but I suppose there was a an element of they were missing that religious element in their lives and they wanted to believe that there was a higher power so rather than believe in a traditional religion they were believing in this weird cult what were your first experiences like of meeting people from outside the cult I remember when age 10 I poured water into the Airing cupboard hoping that they would have to call a plumber in so that I could see someone who was different on the rare occasions that people visited sometimes I used to be taken out that was the only times that I went out of the house once a year or once in two years when relatives came to the house to the park or to a museum or somewhere like that and those were like the highlights of my life and I so excited about going out but it was so rare whenever I met someone from outside either when they came to the house on the red or on the rare occasions when I went out I always thought other people seemed so much nicer and not weird not robotic not just freaky like the people around me and I used to wonder why why can't I be like them why can't I be around people like that who talk sense you know just you can just have an ordinary conversation with them without all sorts of weird ideas about Jackie and fascist State and don't say this and don't say that and don't do this and don't do that and Abe would do this to you and a b is this and you know all these treading on eggshells about every little thing I remember seeing someone getting beaten up getting a black eye and all the other members of The Cult were holding that person down while a b unched her face in when I was five years old and it was like kind of that was that was commonplace I remember Abe saying to me when I disagreed with him or had a crush on somebody who he didn't like or something saying that I would bury you in the garden Who would know if I killed you who is going to know because nobody knows you are even here couldn't understand why it had to be like this I understand it I I could understand what up to a point what they were trying to do but I couldn't understand why he had to be so unpleasant so what would happen if somebody fell sick they died and did people actually die yes well my mom became very paranoid and seriously mentally ill and she didn't get any help so she committed suicide so that was the kind of thing that happened in the house how old were you when your mother passed I was 14. did you know at that point that she was your mother no not until later on I I suspected but I didn't know did it have an impact on you well unfortunately I have to say it made my life a lot better because she was she was a horrific bully second only to a B and his wife the the police got involved when my mum died because her family wondered what on Earth was going on when she was in she she threw herself out of a second floor window and was in hospital for eight months and her family were told that she was traveling abroad and then when she died the the hospital informed her mother that she had died and she was heartbroken and was like what happened and they thought that Something Fishy was going on so they got the police involved and there was a murder investigation and finally there was a an inquest at which members of The Cult all went and they lied the the cult members told the inquest that Sean had fallen off the window while cleaning and I don't know they didn't seem to be anyone who was questioning that and it just it was just a cover-up as with everything else and unfortunately a lot of people just went along with that and didn't probe any further when my mum was in hospital I started reading more I used to read beforehand but because she was always around my ability to read was curtailed very greatly but after she left I had a lot more time and I used to read a lot of stuff and in the process of reading I came across things not similar to my own story but about people like writing to an Agony Aunt saying that my parents won't let me go out or something and I remember thinking oh I would like to be able to write to an eigenyon but then I can't write it I can't go out to post a letter and if a letter comes to me a b would open it first anyway so I felt like all avenues were closed all the time and then there were times when I had crushes on people like on a neighbor or something and thinking oh I'd really like to be able to talk to that person but how am I going to be able to do that when people are watching me 24 7 and doors are always locked and windows are locked and you can't there's always somebody around there's at least two or three people in any room at any one time but I thought anything would be better than this and even if it's not better at least it's different I couldn't imagine that anywhere could be so awful as this place where you just got into trouble just basically for existing so why what age were you when you started to hatch an Escape Plan when I was 22 I ran away from the house and I didn't know how to get on a bus I didn't barely knew how to use money I didn't know how to navigate A to B so it was very scary and when I went to the police station they kind of thought they was like someone just running away from home because they were not happy with their parents and it was like an ordinary situation but this could be kind of either I think what they thought was they could be resolved just by talking about it and I didn't want to talk about what was actually going on because my intention was not to get the cult members into trouble it was just too get out of that situation because I didn't like it the woman who I spoke to she said she would ring me in a couple of weeks and a b made sure that there were a few people in the house when that happened there were about three of them all standing around me to make sure that I said what they wanted me to say and I they're not even put an inflection in my voice which would have triggered any concern on the other side because I knew that I would be in serious trouble if I sounded confused or sounded like I was not certain about what I was saying to actually hatch the escape room was much later I was in my late 20s I had to enlist help from another cult member but her name was Josie and she was one of the worst lieutenants of a b next to Sean my mum but she hated Abe's wife who was always bullying her so what I did basically was comfort her when she was being bullied by a B's wife Abe's wife Chanda used to tell lies about Josie to a b and get her beaten up so I said to her I said but that's what you used to do when I was a child you used to get me beaten up by lying and then she kind of thought yes that's terrible I don't like that she kind of built a kind of a connection with me I think and I was also very sympathetic to her when she was being targeted because when Abe bullied one person none of the other cup members would befriend that person it was like a complete banishment for a few days until Abe decided that they were allowed back into the fold so Josie would feel extremely isolated and unhappy but I would comfort her at that point and I did so not because not purely because I wanted to get her to help me to escape but because I just thought it was unkind and I would have loved someone to do that to me when I was being bullied so it was like now is my chance to Comfort somebody who has been treated badly and I I wanted to do it but I started talking to her and telling her that all this unpleasantness in the house is due to Abe's wife because if I had said it was a b she would never have accepted it because she was she worshiped a b but she was happy to accept that it was Abe's wife because she she was jealous of her and hated her because she was a bully so she we started talking about how bad things are and that and I said at one point that I want to leave this place and this was in beginning in 2013 I said that I will leave this house by the end of 2014 either alive or dead and at that point I started to lose weight rapidly and Josie was worried about me based on what had happened to the other people in the past who had not got medical attention and had died and she was worried that something similar was going to happen to me so she talked about taking me to the hospital when ab and chondo were out but I said I'm not going to go to the hospital to come back here if I'm going I'm going to go I'm not going to come back to this place once I go I'm that's it I'm going so she accepted that things were serious and she agreed to help me to find a way out we decided that what we needed was a mobile phone to be able to call out of the house in October was it September October 2013. Josie bought a mobile phone when she went out shopping with Aisha and we were kind of waiting for the right time so we used to have to watch the six o'clock news that that was compulsory and there was an item about forced marriages and underneath there was the helpline number for be saying that if if anyone is in a similar situation call this number so we didn't think it was quite accurate because this wasn't a fast marriage situation but we thought it might be so memorize that number and then the next time when a B and his wife went out shopping we called it and we managed to get through to someone who was very interested in the situation and said that they would be happy to help and finally a date was arranged which was 25th of October 2013 that someone will come and pick us up it was arranged for a day when ab and Chanda were out shopping and I said don't stand in front of the house because they might notice something going on and decide to not to go out or something so sort of go around the corner and and wait around the corner and we'll come to you Josie wanted to leave with me she was still very much attached to the cult but she wanted to make sure that I was safe so she decided to leave with me we went to a refuge in Leeds so it was flat with a number of rooms in it but each room had a lock and key so it was like a safe room so when ab and Chanda came back they they according to Usher they were calling for us and like where's where where these people and they've gone so Asha was getting grilled about why why they had disappeared and she just said I didn't notice I was busy in the kitchen and I didn't notice that they had gone obviously she knew but we had told her not to admit to anything otherwise she may have got beaten up according to Aisha a couple of hours later the police came to the door in connection saying that they wanted to speak to them in connection with the two ladies who had left the house and Abe told the others at that point he was chunder and I shared just to keep quiet and not to say anything about what was actually going on but I on the way to the Refuge the police interviewed me and Josie and I I had told them what what was that what had been going on so they went into collect our shares well so all three of us went from London to Leeds together and he was arrested he was arrested about a month later him he and Chanda were arrested but she was not charged his jail term was 20 for 23 years he was sentenced to imprisonment and I mean I was not particularly happy about that I don't like the idea of imprisoning people I mean since I had been held captive for 30 years I didn't exactly want to put someone else in prison he felt like taking Revenge which is not not my thing at all but that's how it worked out so did you ever see him again did you visit him in prison no I I didn't know how to arrange I wanted to talk to him and sort of tell him that there's no I don't hate him or something but I just couldn't live in the way he wanted me to live but it never it never happened and he passed away last year and well that's something I suppose I don't know can't always have it the way you want it can you and how about for you after 30 years raised in in a small house in cramped conditions it must have been very very difficult to adjust to the openness of the outside world yes it was everything was so difficult and I didn't expect that at all when I first came out I kind of while waiting the house and fantasizing about Escape I kind of thought once they were out of the way I would just be able to do what I wanted and I didn't count on having disabilities and health issues so I struggled to struggle to move about and then I have issues of getting lost and just get feeling overwhelmed in in a large space that was a big problem at first because getting from A to B learning to cross the road learning to take public transport that was it was scary as hell I suppose with meeting people it's when people ask questions hoping that they won't ask too many questions about where I went to school or what I was doing or where I was from because it was embarrassing to have to talk about what where I came from I mean I grew up it was anger and hatred in the house and the one thing that I never want to be is to be that person myself so I was at times very angry and very hateful when I was stuck in the cult and I did have bad ideas about wanting to do harm to people and things like that because it was just so what you call it unpleasant and when when you're put under extreme pressure sometimes the dark side comes out of any one of us I have always loved the idea of people who forgive others because I think that is such a nice thing to do and after having spent the first 30 years of my life in prison now I want to be free and you can't be free if you're hitching other people or wanting to take revenge on others it's it's such a pointless and stupid way to live [Music] whilst everybody was having their orgies free love sex they would no longer be permitted to enjoy the sex for each other they had to fantasize that they were actually having sex with Jesus um men included

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Length: 31min 22sec (1882 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 20 2023