Modern Romance: Conflict Resolution | Pastor Bianca Olthoff

my name is Bianca Altaf and I'm one of the leaders here at TF hoc alongside my husband and the amazing team of volunteers here at TF H and if it's your first time visiting we just want to say welcome to our home and we're so glad that you're here and if you don't have a home we want you to check us out we have people at the Welcome Center that want to give you information or help you take your next step our mission here is to invite people to discover freedom and life in Jesus and we just want to create an environment for people to come in and have a radical encounter with Jesus now if you have quality of Hoc your home and you are aware of the series that we're in we are currently in a series entitled modern romance Reese one person Thank You Chelsea we started week one with these two foundational concepts number one you are wildly loved by God you are wildly loved by God and the reason why this is a modern understanding of romance is because romance nowadays is like lusty dusty musty crusty it's like all the things that is wrong with the world right it's so foundational principle you are wildly loved by God and then the second foundational principle is that you will never to be able to wholly love someone in wholeness until you're loved by a holy God you have got to understand that the broken part of you will never be able to complete the broken part of another person two halves don't make a whole except in mathematics so we meet - Matt took us through how do we love after betrayal and and rejection and infidelity and we are going through and pulling out powerful principles out of the book of songs of songs or songs of Solomon some of your translations might say and then last week was on a track and got a little higher on some of the topics we discussed but I firmly believe that we get to put language around what dating attraction and romance look like and so tonight is our final week and here in this final message I want to have a fuller understanding not just of this concept but also this book so while we go ahead and open up with a quick word of Prayer God we come before you and we asked you be here that you do a work in our lives that only you can do open up our eyes open up our ears open up our hearts I pray that God you go before my words I don't think anything out of like Bianca but I say things that I believe that you've deposited in my heart to share with your people and Jesus name Amen so the points and we're gonna discuss tonight I've cushioned them around scriptures straight up out of songs of Solomon and so uh the reason why I did that is because I believe that there's powerful practical ways that we could learn through God's Word and like side note both Matt and I are super passionate about making the Bible not just informational and transformational but also practical but the Bible can come in and give us practical ways to live our life can I get an amen great so tonight is on resolving conflict now if you have ever been in a friendship a sibling ship a family ship a work ship you will have conflict okay two people all right great so I just need the spirit of espresso to come over the house tonight okay listen in relationships you will have conflict so the question isn't if conflict happens the question is how will you respond when conflict happens and so our heart as we close this out it's people get very simple practical tools so this is less of a preach and more of a teach I want to put tools in our hands of how to resolve conflict in everyday lives now this this what we're going to be discovering today is out of a marriage relationship it's I believe Solomon and his love Abba sure but and also a lot of the examples I'm gonna give are out of marriage because I am married to Matt my friend Kevin all noted that I'm not wearing my ring today I'm so sorry I left it at home I'm a bad bad wife but well but what we're gonna see here is that these principles really simple principles can help us in everyday relationships in fact this week alone I use some of these tips in resolving conflict with my own friends friends and I've been with friends with for 18 years so is not just for married people and yes if you're married this is gonna be great but remember conflict is gonna happen and my hope and my heart in all of this is that we have practical ways to salvage relationships because we have people walking away from really good relationships because we don't know how to deal with conflict what I think a big problem is that we see movies and we think that hey they have this perfect relationship if there is conflict in my relationship I should just do so I'm like out that's not for me and the truth is every good movie every good novel every good novella has some sort of conflict that bring characters together so I want to dive into SOS Chapter five will you pull out your Bibles your iPhones or iPads or if you didn't bring your Bibles please bring them back next week and join me an SOS songs the songs chapter five it starts with the words of a woman I slept but my heart was awake listen my beloved is knocking open to me my sister my darling my dove my flawless one my head is drenched with do my hair with the dampness of the night and her responses I've taken off my robe must I put it on again oh I've washed my feet must I soiled him again my beloved thrusts his hand to the last opening my heart began to pound for him I rose to open for my beloved my hands dripped with myrrh my fingers with flowing myrrh on the handles of the bolt I opened for my beloved but my beloved hadn't left he was gone my heart sank at his departure I looked for him but I did not find him I called for him but he did not answer now remember if you've been with us in this series this is poetic prose this would have been sung as a song or read as a poem and to make sure that we're all on the same page if you were with us in week one and two we discovered chapter one and two of SOS it's the beginning budding relationship of this couple they loved each other it's their dating engagement season they are so excited and then when we head into chapter three and four we see the through married and they're in love and everything's amazing in fact she looks back at her dating period and then she tells her community her clique her crew her girlfriends she said do not awaken love until it's time because she knew that that will be detrimental to a relationship that's truth out of the Word of God right now we're giving people the green light and the license to go run a full act amok or run amok and act a fool and what we see here is a wisdom from Aged coming out to speak to us today so now we're going in to conflict here this couple is about to have a little argument in fact 25 percent of the book deals in conflict so if songs the songs dealt with conflict I firmly believe that we should not shy away or ignore it but give people tools through biblical understanding to deal with it so this passage that we just read I know it might sound confusing like myrrh on the door handle what's going on remember it's a poem so there's creative license here and so what I want to do is kind of give some details so this man starts off doing the right thing he speaks to her with loving words my dove my love my sweet one was sweetheart and sure response when she says must I put on a robe must I saw my feet she's essentially saying I got a headache I'm not making that up you can go research it you guys I told you this book is pg-13 okay so she is essentially rejecting his intimacy and his initiation of relationship now what we didn't discuss earlier so there's top five reasons that there's conflict in relationship and it is money sex work miscommunication and lack of unity so if you take a look at your relationships in one of those five now that is specifically for marriage but dare I say the underlying issue is this sense of injustice whether felt or perceived so if it's money in a co-worker situation you guys are showing up at the same time and yet they're getting paid more than you that's an injustice you're gonna have conflict with that co-worker you have an issue maybe your mom loves your brother more than you that's that's a lack of unity in the family do you understand that there's very practical principles that we can pull out of this book and so I don't want us just to hear it through the lens of that's just for married people no it's for all of us in here today and the reason why I'm super passionate about this is most of us have heard the statistics fifty four percent of Americans will end up in divorce and those statistics don't look different in the church in fact 50 percent of marriages end in divorce and arguably up to 70 percent of marriages in Orange County will end up in divorce I know let that sink in but here's a statistic that you probably haven't heard if you are committed to reading the Word of God for just five minutes or more a day four times a week five minutes a day four times a week the odds are one in 1673 that you end up in divorce so basically you read your Bible and it's free therapy now I'm not saying the Bible is magical okay what I'm saying is in light of Scripture we see who we are and we see who God is and how He loves us and how we should react how we should act because we are wildly loved by God amen so my disconnect happens when what happens when were in situations in relationship that are beyond just us praying together what happens when there is deep darkness in in marriage or even relationships whether that's dating or even friendships for the last couple weeks Matt and I have shared a couple stories of our relationships specifically the first two years of our marriage I would say up to three years which was pretty much hot mess Express I mean we had a whole lot of drama that went on during that time but I can joke about it but up into this point I have been very private about the pain that I went through in that season my whole life changed I went from being single and living in LA and being completely autonomous to walking in and being a wife and becoming an instant stepmom to two kids I became a pastor's wife I was at a new church in a new County in a new city trying to make new friends and I got a new job working for an anti human trafficking organization dealing with the darkness and depravity of human slavery I mean I was going through it I was in a very dark place Matt and I didn't know how to communicate with each other and it was so it got so heavy I was embarrassed because I felt like I did everything right I waited for my husband I didn't you know have any illicit relationships that were going on like I prayed this guy and I did everything right and yet this marriage feels so wrong we were fighting constantly we could not get on the same page I felt absolutely embarrassed and mortified I couldn't even tell my best friends what was going on I wanted to put up the facade much like Orange County where everything's fine and everything's lovely and I'm okay and the truth was is that I was going through such a Depression depressive state but the problem was I'd never wrestled with depression so I had no idea what it was it was just this heaviness this darkness this fog I couldn't find my way out and I remember after on the heels of a really bad argument I mean a bad argument the next morning I woke up and I went for a long run and I was just hauling I was hauling and I was on jamberry and there's this overpass of the 405 and the overpass passes the freeway and I'm seeing these cars zoom by and I've just stopping there and beginning to cry and I can't explain this to you this is gonna sound bananas and I hope you don't think I'm crazy more crazier than you know that I am but in my depression I heard a voice say just end it just jump and everything will be okay I knew that we had such problems but I didn't know what to do and Matt had suggested that we go to therapy but in my mind like therapies for people that belong in like psycho institutions that's not for me like we just don't like each other that's the real problem after I began to realize the depression that I was in I went back to Matt and I told him that I thought maybe that we should go to therapy and this is also in the hills of after my run coming home and we just had not resolves our conflict and I came in and he just was he was in angst he was anguished and he looked at me and said why are you with me why why don't we just get divorced and let me tell you something okay we made a promise on our wedding day my mind in a nanosecond flash to Santa Ynez Valley we got married in this gorgeous winery at sunset I had a beautiful cream ivy dress and he looks so fine at his charcoal suit and I remembers vowing before God and my family and my friends that we will never leave each other we will never cheat on each other and we will never abandon each other we will never ever ever say the word divorce and this fool is saying we should get divorce my head turned around like The Exorcist like whoa and a voice came out of me unlike anything I had ever heard and I was like we're not getting divorced you are stuck with me I'm not even kidding you I am not even kidding you bet I bet he was just scared straight like I gonna lead us go crazy Latinas will hurt you okay that's what live suckers you can't leave it if you leave I'm coming with you okay ha ha as we see in Song of Songs chapter 5 the honeymoon is clearly over for them as it was for me I know that if we were gonna survive that we needed help we needed a therapist we needed someone outside of us and Matt and I do not have a perfect marriage but today when Matt and I were talking he said but we have a picture our marriage is a picture of the gospel it's this beautiful broken transformation of what God can do through his power not ours we can't stand back and be like we're polish I'm perfect in front of our whole life is together praise God no no no we are jacked up people in need of a savior and by God's grace we get to love each other through that we've known each other for 10 years we've been married for eight and a half and I knew that we were stepping into this journey of just getting healthy and so we didn't have a whole lot of money during that time I worked for an NGO he worked for a church but we knew we're gonna take it out of savings we're gonna cut out of the fun fun because therapy is way less than divorce and so we went through this and we listen to podcasts and we read books and we read articles and we met with mentors and we did the work because our marriage was a value to us and we're still in doing the work in fact we still meet with a counselor once a month and I begged him I begged him for this like marriage retreat it's like four days in July and we've been saving pennies and I told him if you love me at all you will take me here and in my mind I just think we're gonna cuddle everyday and like make out and it's gonna be like awesome but I'm sure we're gonna have to do like some soul-searching or something like that whatever but I'm passionate about this topic because I know firsthand how communication can rescue relationships and I'm not just talking about marriage I'm talking about friendship and even family so there's some great tools that Matt and I have picked up and also through the truth of SOS it I want to use as our guide for personal and practical ways for healthy communication I love a good preach I love that but today is not that today is a teach and I know you guys I'm cheesy and I love when things rhyme and I love to rap but today it was coincidental that the five points we're gonna talk about today all begin with the letter T hand to heaven I didn't make it up and I was talking to Matt about this and he said oh it's B's T's it's Bianca's tips and they're all begin with five so B's T's five elements to healthy communication so mmm I believe that these are five ways they're gonna help us navigate difficult conversations if your no take or pull your notebook pull your phone point number one tone tone is wildly important look at songs of songs 215 catch for us the foxes the little foxes that ruined the vineyard our vineyards that are in bloom so what the wife is saying is hey let's address the things they're gonna stop us from bearing fruit so we don't know we don't have vineyards unless you're bougie up in here we don't have vineyards and we don't have foxes running in our yard but foxes would gnaw at the vines and eat the blossoms so that the berries and the fruit would not come during harvest season and so they are stopping this the sneaky little pests that run in to stop fruit in their marriage well we in communication whether married or single or friendships or family we need to identify the small little sneaky things that creep in and the first thing that I noted is tone we must have the right tone we bring up an issue or a problem with someone yes or no so tone tells whether you care or not this morning my flight was delayed yesterday at a Dallas and so we had to take a different flight and it was a mess but I finally sat in my seat and we're on our way here and an IRA my flight attendants button because I needed something specific now here's the thing what she said was correct how she said it was rude like security okay you are rude no I'm gonna I'm gonna say this phrase in two different ways the first way is how she spoke to me how can I help you what do you want I don't think you're supposed to talk to me like that I mean I'm not trying to be Beyonce or anything but like why you gotta be rude now if she would have said the exact same thing how can I help you what do you want did I say the exact same thing in two different ways but the tone and intonation was incredibly different so when you're first getting to know someone especially in a dating relationship everything so sweet oh yes absolutely when Matt and I were dating I'd call him and he'd be like hey B what's going on when do we get to see each other next how are you doing the day he was just so interested right and then once I started dating for a while and then eventually got married it became like like transactional like I'm some like frat guy like hey what's up what's up like no no let's try this again you're gonna have to say a more than me now how can I stop the world and ask you what you need like hmm don't you think now in the beginning stages of our relationship I realized that his communication was telegraphing to me that I wasn't important that's what I felt now what I didn't know then but later on learned and reading a book by Emerson egg rich called love and respect is that a woman needs to feel a sense of security and a sense of love and communication now I'm gonna pause on that for a second because I know some people are gonna be annoyed and feel like typecast and gender roles listen don't take it up with me take it up with psychologists and modern research ok again these are generalizations do not take offense just look at the research and what he has said is that when women do not feel a sense of security in a sense of love they withhold respect and then if a man doesn't feel respected then he withholds love and security that's God calling he's saying pay attention don't you love that yes and what Emerson did is that he rooted it in the book of Ephesians he pulled up his just one verse and he spoke and he said husbands love your wives and wives honor your husbands now when when we were beginning to date I would call him and I had expressed to him like hey when I call you can you speak a little like gently to me and in that sense it wasn't because I was insecure it was because I was not secure in the way that he felt about me and there's a difference there's a difference and sometimes if lookin chocobar you so insecure why are you all up in your feelings no no I don't feel safe so I had to begin to tell him and coach him and sometimes men need to coach women and women need to coach men and how they receive and hear communication so I told him hey when I call you we're gonna do a little Destiny's Child okay say my name say my name when everyone is around you say baby I love you all right because what I needed to know and what I need to be secure of is that he was not ashamed of me I was not a bother to him he loved me and I was a value what we discovered after reading dr. Gary Chapman's the five love languages is that physical touch and words of affirmation are high love languages for me actually I'm loved lingual I need it all give me gifts give me time give me everything but these two were like of high priority and I needed to know that he loved me now for most men it's not what you say it's how you say it again tone is everything and I struggle with this because I'm naturally a loud person so the beginning years of our marriage Matt will look at me and be like why are you yelling yelling yelling you think that's yelling I'm Puerto Rican this is how we talk okay I needed to be gentle I need to develop kindness gentleness a love especially in the moment a moments of conflict be otherwise if you are to like rams coming together in argument you're gonna be ramming and bumping up against each other side note specifically to women and this is out of research when dealing with your husband when dealing with your brother when dealing with a male coworker a boyfriend or a husband do not publicly humiliate them you are cutting him down word by word and he will soon resent you bite your tongue speak life and honor him those aren't my words those are the words out the Bible so both men and women need to be encoding love and respect into conflict it's more important and I've learned this the hard way it's more important to be kind than it is to be right it's moricorne to be kind and sometimes the best way to win an argument or to be in conflict is just to be kind now before we're gonna zoom through the next point I just want to pause because you know I love my phrase and my funds leads out of the Bible when people usually teach SOS I would always be offended because some communicators would would preach this and they would read if you read songs of songs you're gonna read some things that sound funny and sometimes the way that they would like teach it or like exegete it sounded like this like Guido Italian guy from New Jersey like in Chapter seven it begins in verse how beautiful are you sandaled feet Oh princess daughter your grace like graceful legs are like jewels your navel is a rounded goblet your waist is a mound of wheat and circled by lilies your breast and your boobies are like two fawns to fawn gazelles and when we read it like that we are actually doing a disservice to the beautiful words that he's putting around her when he's talking about your your your feet he's talking about how they were even beautiful and if you read this from verses 1 through 9 he goes from the tip of her toes to the top of her head he mentions her feet her legs her waist and by the way the sheaf of wheats that he's referring to that cinched in with lilies that means she got the hourglass figure so he's actually complimenting her so men and women discover how your partner your boyfriend your girlfriend your husband your wife he hears affirmation otherwise it could come out really wrong which leads us into point 2 which is time spending time in a relationship is vitally important but it's the pending time with your spouse is mandatory look it up after this man speaks about the beauty of who she was it jumps in with verse 11 and she replies come my beloved come let us go to the countryside let us spend the night in the villages let us go to the vineyards and see if the vines have budded if their blossoms have opened if the pomegranates are in blue and their I will give you my love now we need to take time and under to understand the power of time and I've broken these principles down from a man by the name of Jimmy Evans out of marriage today and he says that there's three different time frames to communication I'm gonna give those to you as quickly as possible the first one is proactive communication the second is personal communication and the third is intimate communication again this is geared towards marriage but it will even parlay into relationships so proactive conversation will stop reactive responses proactive communication will stop reactive communication we don't want to we don't wanna react in moments of conflict so for proactive communication for Matt and I and I highly recommend this for married couples it's a take a vision get away now before you think that this is expensive and you don't time just bear with me in this vision get away you take two days three days if you're lucky and you get away and this is not a time to like manipulate your partner or try talking about other things this is just to lay out what is the vision that you want for your life how do you want to raise your kids what are the things that you specifically want to achieve during this year and this is different this is not a family vacation if you have kids leave the kids at home leave them with grandmas given to a babies that are sending to school whatever you need to do if your family's anything like mine I say you don't have family vacations I call them missions trips because we all need Jesus at the end of like you know you're lucky I'm saved by the Spirit of God cuz I'm about to beat you into next week now if you're sitting here thinking like hey I don't have that money for that in full disclosure this year for Matt and I we just didn't have the time to have the funds and resources but we were very intentional the kids were at their mom's for these two days we spoke to the staff and said hey just don't email us during this time we're not gonna be available we shut off technology we took no trips and we specifically prayed about what we wanted and what we saw for TF hoc the vision that came out from Vision weekend came from those two days that Matt and I were away in addition to that the year before the year before and our vision retreat getaway Matt had spoken about us planting this church and we made critical decisions on what we were gonna do and he said in his foresight he said bee I just know that what this church is gonna be and I need us to have financial freedom I need us to pay off all of our debts and I think that we should cash out of our retirement fund and for me I trigger for me is money I grew up poor and I always feel like I'm gonna end up poor again so it was a big trigger for me and he said in this time just pray and think about it and I realized that his wisdom and his knowledge has allowed us to set up for church now where Matt and I are completely debt-free and we're not dependent on people saying helpless helpless we're poor it's little we are committed to the church and we know that God's got our back and we're taking these steps of faith but I told him hey if we to cash out retirement we also have to be faithful and filling it back up to the glory of God okay there's moving on to the second form of communication this is personal communication now especially again this is info for marriage and if you're single to know now cuz you'll thank me later this is personal communication that happens everyday it's anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes and you might be thinking that's a lot of time if you don't have 30 minutes alone with your partner without technology you're far too busy you're far too busy and in this time in communication with your partner its technology free because when we hold our phone we are connected to hundreds maybe thousands of friends we're connected to bills we're connected to work we're connected to email we're connected to so many things technology free format and I it's just a few minutes in the morning every single morning when we talk about the day we talk about what we want we talk about maybe a little bit of conflict or maybe we said something to hurt each other in those personal conversation moments usually early in the morning before the Sun even rises we get to have that intimate time and lastly intimate communication intimate communication is loving talk how you love someone and give him the googly googly eyes and you tell them they're beautiful and all the other stuff which leads to point number three trust Csonka Salomon 216 my beloved is mine and I am his we will not open up ourselves whether married or friends unless we trust someone I heard it said this way Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets you could spend 10 years building a relationship and it could be gone in ten seconds with a bad decision so if I know that you have my best in mind and vice versa we're gonna build a sense of trust and when we trust we have got to know that if I have a conflict with you as my friend you as my partner you as my spouse you as my co-worker I have to know that you're not gonna pay retribution for me calling you out on something because I'm not gonna want to have hard conversations with you you're just gonna flip on me and you're gonna go off the handle we've got to trust that we love each other enough to have hard honest conversations point number four I want to just highlight the way that this couple speaks to each other it's it's amazingly sweet in verse in chapter 4 verse 11 she says or he says your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb my bride milk and honey are under your tongue for a chapter 5 verse 16 his mouth the sweetness itself he's altogether lovely this is my beloved this is my friend daughters of Jerusalem so they both spoke to each other so sweetly and and in any relationship you will never have trust unless you have truth and and and last week or the week before we were having this conversation that truth without grace is mean but grace without truth is meaningless you've got to be able to give each other grace like maybe there's a miscommunication maybe we didn't get it right I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt but I'm also gonna be very honest with you and to make sure we understand this there's a difference between criticizing and confronting criticizing is saying you did this to me and you put me on blast and you're embarrassing and you will fall at your mama okay so we made it about the person right that's criticizing the person but confronting is gonna sound different it's gonna leave with my feelings hey I I don't know if you meant this but I really felt that you kind of embarrassed me a little bit I know that's not your heart maybe it is but I just wanted to talk to you about this and if you make it about a feeling versus a person the person is left with two options they could say you shouldn't feel that you're wrong and they're a jerk or they can come out and say I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt your feelings and the conversation ensues from there being kind and saving a relationship is more important than being right improving a point graced must precede truth why because we're awesome and perfect no because we follow a man named Jesus who gave so much grace to people who are so dysfunctional messed up and we following suit and lastly the fifth tee is team if we are all exactly the same we would be Ottomans like dressing the same and looking the same and speaking the same and that's weird that's a cult that's not a relationship God has made us uniquely different on all fronts and when Paul wrote to the early church she wrote to the Ephesians and also to the Corinthians he said hey we're a body or one body but can pro comprised of different parts and a marriage and in relationships compatibility is not based on sameness like we are exactly the same so we're a perfect match no that's weird no compatibility is based on shared goals shared vision shared faith shared belief shared attraction and in marriage specifically if you reject the other person's differences you're not going to be able to communicate and even if you tolerate their differences you're not gonna be able to communicate we must embrace each other's differences and celebrate those differences we're a team and we're gonna be in sync and we may not agree on everything but we're putting unity above everything else why because I choose you to be my friend I choose you to be my sister I choose you to be my spouse and I understand that some marriages have ended in divorce or abuse or infidelity and and that's that's that's tragic my hope my prayer is that we don't walk away from marriages specifically because of a lack of attraction or a lack of sexual intimacy or lack of a movie made chemistry of what you thought your life was gonna be there's an attack on marriage and there's this beautiful visual of God as the groom and the church is his bride and as there's an attack on that there's an attack on our physical marriages so fight for your commitment fight for your vows fight for your relationship fight for the love of God for your marriage Matt and I are living proof that perfection isn't the goal but commitment is we preach about a God who can heal and redeems and transforms because we are living proof and we want to bring that that sense of wholeness and healing and our stories are very different I don't know your pain and I don't know your brokenness and I don't know your heartbreak and I don't know anything like that but I want to quote the words that I be shocked quoted to Solomon these are the words I want to quote Matt on my deathbed these are the words that I want to speak over my commitment to this church this baby and would take a moment to honor my husband because this church would not be here if it wasn't for you it was your faith if it's your commitment it was your loyalty and I have not told you that enough I am so wildly in love with you and I'm grateful for this baby that we get at cars and it's a Bajaj told parliament she says plase me like a seal over your heart like a seal on your arm for your love it's as strong as death it's jealousy unyielding as the grave it burns like blazing fire like a mighty flame many waters cannot quench love rivers cannot sweep it away if one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love it would be utterly scorned this is something you can't buy you can't buy or earn the love of God and you can't buy or earn the love of me I'm so grateful this opportunity that Matt and I have loved this church we believe that revival is going to happen here in Orange County and abroad we believe that lives are gonna be changed we believe that bad relationships toxic relationship we're gonna break up to the glory of God and marriages are gonna come together for the glory of God why because we believe that God is the god of transformation so maybe you're here tonight and maybe you you're experiencing some sort of relational conflict maybe you're on the outs with your sister you just cannot stand your boss or you just have lost the loving feeling for your spouse we're just gonna take a moment not long we're just gonna take a moment to recognize that and pray for you and pray with you so we would just bow your head and close your eyes just as an an act of reverence to those around us that are experiencing pain and experiencing conflict here's the thing church is churches churches church but we're not doing Church as a religious obligation we believe that we can encounter the very presence of God and have him do a work in our lives and so if you're here and you know that there's that person that you just want to resolve conflict maybe it's gonna be tone maybe it's time maybe I forgot the other points but I hope you wrote them down but but I'm just gonna ask write rewrite if there's someone in your mind that you need to resolve conflict with will you just raise your hands we want to pray with you thank you yeah we're gonna be honest in the house of God because if we cannot be honest in the house of God we will not be honest anywhere else and the Lord knows your heart so just be honest with yourself by you raising your hand you're just recognizing this is someone that I want to love and want to have healing with spirit of God we just ask that you begin even now to give them language and love language and love for the two words that come to my mind right now that you give them the words to say and the way to say it God I thank you for who they are and I think you got their loved ones you're not praying but I'm praying for their loved ones that their loved ones are gonna be reunited even here in this house that you get to see the full transformation the unification of broken families and broken relationships and broken marriages all happen because of what you're doing here so I pray for these individuals have taken the step of faith to say I need help we thank you God in Jesus name you

Channel: The Father's House OC

Views: 31,205

Rating: 4.9116883 out of 5

Keywords: TFHOC, The Father's House OC, Bianca Olthoff, Bianca Juarez Olthoff, Matt Olthoff, The Father's House, Modern Romance, Conflict Resolution, Christian conflict resolution, SOS, Songs of Songs, SOS 2, Song of Songs 2

Id: 96mSFw7FT7k

Length: 37min 33sec (2253 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 26 2019