Michelle Obama - Becoming - Book Talk - Dec 11 2018

well starting now on book TV a look at Michelle Obama's book tour for her new memoir becoming becoming has sold nearly 3 million copies since it debuted in November making it the best-selling book of 2018 she's been selling out arenas throughout the country and we're going to show you some of those appearances now on book TV we're gonna start off this segment though in June at the American Library Association's annual meeting in New Orleans she previewed her book and talked about her life there with the librarian of Congress dr. Carla Hayden and now the person you all came to see [Applause] Michelle LaVon Robinson Obama she is a lawyer she is an author and she is the wife of the 44th President of the United States Barack Obama [Applause] throughout her initiatives as first lady she has become a role model for women and for girls and an advocate for healthy families service members and their families higher education and international adolescent girls education her much-anticipated memoir becoming will be published in the US and Canada on November 13th 2018 by Crown a division of penguin Random House and it will be released simultaneously in 24 languages considered one of the most popular first ladies mrs. Obama invites readers into her world chronicling the experiences that have shaped her from her childhood on the southside of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work to her time spent at the world's most famous address warm wise and revelatory becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations and whose story inspires us to do the same we are also fortunate to have librarian of Congress Carla Hayden hosting the conversation with mrs. Obama today as we know Hayden was nominated to this position of librarian of Congress by President Barack Obama in February 2016 and her nomination was confirmed by the US Senate in July 2016 she was sworn in as the fourteenth librarian of Congress in September 2016 librarian of Congress Carla Hayden and first lady mrs. Obama come together now for an in-depth conversation around her forthcoming memoir becoming and the experiences that have impacted her life her family and her country Michelle Obama [Applause] thank you so much la librarians here guys looking good hi Carla hi how are you Oh telling you there have been many thrills but to be the library and that's sitting here with you is one of the most I'm getting a little compliment but I'm interviewing so I have to do it you just have to remember our days back in in City Hall I mean I've known Carla since I was a baby a baby professional so you shouldn't be nervous and what a professional you were though because with Chicago Public Library I came back from Pittsburgh and the library was part of your portfolio yes it was and it made such a difference to have somebody that understood libraries that read and everything in government like that that was her that wasn't shade not at all she was just making a point that's all because I was coming in from academic teaching librarians and things and so so we go way back way back way back and what what I mentioned that you like to read it's been a big part of your family reading oh yeah oh absolutely yeah we are readers the Obamas and we started reading to the girls when they were babies infants because as a little kid I loved to read aloud I was one of those kids who would set up the stuffed animals and the Barbies and read to them and show them the pictures and then go back I love the the act of reading aloud so when I had kids they just became like my real babies I could read too so I read to them all the time all the time I know every word of every dr. Seuss anything still by heart and as the girls grew up we continue to incorporate book as books as a form of family activities so as they got older we started reading more complex books together so Barack and Malia wrote read all of the Harry Potter books aloud from front to cover from the front to the back and then she could see the movie after they read it so that was their their father-daughter rituals so they've seen and I stayed out of that because you know you want the father to have a thing that they do so I don't know anything about Harry Potter because I wasn't even going to get involved in that so that's their thing so when Sasha got older I read Life of Pi with her and then we saw the movie and we were big comic family readers so we loved Calvin and Hobbes we were a big Calvin and Hobbes family so yeah we read it was you know it was a part of the the way we put our kids to sleep at night you know I I felt that music reading culture was an important part of their development to this too you know from from very early on so we are big big readers and one of the images that I know that when you were in the White House and there would be a holiday time you would be going and they would be going to the book stores oh yeah yeah giving books as gifts yeah that's all Barack does that's the only place he knew how to go as president he could golf and he could get to the book store I think those were the two things he felt comfortable doing outside of the White House but that was an annual ritual of he and the girls to go to one of the book stores for the holidays and in Chicago the 57th Street bookstore you know that that's bookstore that was our that was our neighborhood store that we like to go to so you have bookstores and in libraries of course we're a big part of our life big part of my life very early on too I remember my first experience with going to the library I was four and it was like the first official time I got an ID you know you felt like big-time person getting something with your name on it and I remember going into the library in our neighborhood was three blocks from our house and my mom who was a housewife at the time that's where she would take us and that was sort of my first major big-girl thing I could do was get my library card and stand like counter high watching them put me into the official files I felt really important I didn't know what to do with my library card because I didn't have a wallet or purse but I felt really special just to have it and we would go to the library it was a community spaces all of you all know the library for us like for all of you you see it's a it's a major part of any community and that was the place for our family to go to get those early books Dick and Jane books barbar the elephant you know you go off into the chilled corner where the colorful titles were and then I thought one day I'd graduate to going upstairs where the books were darker and the jackets were maroon or blue or that was where the serious books were upstairs did you ever get to go oh yeah I got up there one day I graduated but then the library became work research papers it's a Dewey Decimal System it became a little sassy Oh only here at a library invention what do we get just a shout out for the Dewey Decimal System oh I love you all [Laughter] so you continued you went to school you graduate school all of that and then your life got even busier and how did you find time to read just for pleasure and you know we all want to know see what get a chance to read anything for pleasure yo yeah yeah there were there were moments of escape today however I'm spending most of my time selfishly focused on my book so that's what I'm reading y'all and it's almost ready it's coming and what I've been in I've been immersed in that process so this year has been a little tougher for me because I'm trying to you know stay in my voice but when I do have time I have one of my my chief of staff Melissa who by the way she's more excited to be here than she was to meet Bruce Springsteen I mean Melissa went to her is my book recommender she loves you all and I may lose her here in this convention center tonight she might leave me she's been with me from the very beginning of the campaign but she is my book guru and I usually read what Melissa tells me I should read so she'll pass on she'll throw some books in my bag or on a long trip but what have I been reading lately I mean I have a very eclectic sort of reading list I've read Commonwealth that's I love a good story that takes me outside of myself I love everything that Zadie Smith has done white teeth I actually accidentally read what reread that I read it maybe two years ago and then I was like it was on my shelf and I thought I have I read this and I started reading it and I was thinking I must be have ESPN or something because I know what's gonna happen in the next page this is how my life is that I freeze past decades I would forget what I've read but I read it and I realized by the third chapter that I had read it already but I finished it because it would say did you put it down oh no oh no no no I loved her story telling her characters just finished reading exit West which was very good very very powerful the Nightingale I read just the other day any shoutouts for the nightingale Chimamanda Adichie and love all of her stuff so I mean you know I I love stories I love to escape for a moment I needed that escape over the past ten years needed to get out of my own story get into somebody else's story for a minute and were you able to do that oh yeah yeah get lost in a book you know I couldn't read in the White House at times there were just too much going on and we were running so fast that whenever I got a chance to sit down and pick up a book I would get maybe a sentence and I would fall asleep so I literally sitting down I don't know if I was napping or passed out I did I couldn't tell the difference I'd wake up and it would be an hour and I think I thought I was I asleep that's how the White House years felt so usually on a longer trip I could get into a book but it was you know it was a hectic eight years now you said pick up a book so that implies the physical book oh I already bought you books yeah I'm not an e-reader I like to have a book in my hand yeah I mean even in my writing process I like to hold it I don't I can't really edit things on the computer well I feel like I have to I have to write down my thoughts I can jot down things on a on an iPhone but that's hard I have to feel it I have to still be able to touch it I'm old sorry so I we still have a lot of books in our house and my husband who as you know as an avid reader and still loves books around everywhere we've gone he's just boxes and boxes of books that I can't get rid of he will not allow me to do it so we are still a household that is we have books on shelves lots of books on shelves now you know as a librarian I did some research and I understand that there's a library you actually worked in a library bindery oh yes I worked in a book bindery one summer Bob Goldman's book bindery I did it was the summer right before I went to college at a friend's mother who worked there and it was my first real job before then I did the neighborhood jobs babysitting I had a family next to us that they paid me to do everything for them babysit trained a dog tutor piano the Smiths I loved them they got me through high school but then I graduated to a job downtown the bindery was downtown and a friend's mother worked there and my job entailed doing one thing a thousand times every day all day over and over again so I got to put the little metal thing in a hole and then pass the cardboard over to the guy that would slam it down so my job was to take the metal thing put it in the hole and pass it and I was good with doing that for the first day even I thought you know I'm gonna and I'm gonna was aiming at finishing it I thought there would be an end to it that there were like thousands of them and I would prove to the bindery people that I was so fast so that I can complete it and I would be done and I just realized it's never over they just kept coming the little pieces of cardboard and the little things and that went on for weeks and weeks and weeks doing the same thing and I just thought my god I'm ready for college I can I can do this but it taught me great respect for the men and women who do that work every day that thankless work that makes it possible for us to have books and folders and you know I'm I learned work ethic at the bindery the the dozens of people in that plant who came there and they did the same job every day for years and years and years you know it reminded me of my father those those blue-collar workers who didn't look for passion in their jobs they didn't have the luxury like we did to think about doing the things that we love they had to do things that put food on the table and that was my first experience shoulder-to-shoulder with men and women who were making a living for their families now you mentioned your father so many times about his work ethic and what it took for him to go to work and and provide and things you saw it first oh my father Frazier Robinson man he was you know every value that I have in me came from my mother and father and watching them day to day as most people know my father was a blue-collar worker worked the same job his entire life worked at the water filtration plant and my father had MS and contracted it at the prime of his life so I never knew him to be able to walk without the assistance of a cane but my father got up every day was a shift job so you know some days he was on days some days it was on nights some days he was on evenings so his schedule changed and I remember him putting on his white t-shirt and his blue button-up uniform and getting his crutches and making his way out the back door to the car to go to his job without complaint without regret because he was proud that he had a job that allowed him to invest in his children me and my brother you know with that blue-collar salary he put two of us through college and Princeton at that and he made sure that you know and those were we went to those schools long before they had you know the financial assistance that puts you completely through we were still paying my parents had to pay a portion of our tuition and he made sure that our tuition was paid on time we never were going to be late and not be able to register for our classes so Who I am today is so much of it's because of my parents and that hard work ethic and you know the values of your word is your bond you do what you say you're going to do you know Trust is important honor honesty you know I saw my father behave in that way every single day with everyone regardless of race or station in life so that's who I think about when I write my book and I how I carry myself in the world I do what I think Marion and Frasier would expect me to do that I hope to be that person for them and my mom is out here and your mommy oh yes she's just calling eight hey mom sorry and so whenever anything happens she says this is Robinson she's models after your mom oh yeah and how your mom handled all of that so she your mom was right there with you well you know grandma you know we couldn't made it through the white house without her you know just having her she she had been helping me long before coming to the White House because Barack was always you know he was a state senator and then the US Senate and those were jobs that had him away from home usually most of the week and I still had a full-time job I was at at any point in time I was a professional with a big job of my own and we had two little kids and we had you know we could afford help and we had a couple of great babysitters but you know the time I lost that one good babysitter and that crushed me like nothing else I mean when glow when she said she had to leave because she couldn't needed to make more money I thought I was losing an arm you know Brock was trying to console me and I was like dude just get out of here you are of no help to me I need Glo I don't need you do nothing for me but I remember that pain and I thought how can I go to work every day and not know that my kids are good that there was somebody who loves them which is not to you know get on a soapbox which is why affordable child care is so important because so many having access to that kind of security for all the families out there who don't have a choice they have to go to work I know that that pain of what it feels like when you don't know your kids are good and good not just being safe but that they're in a place where somebody loves them and is going to instill values in the and is going to read to them and take them to the library and it's not gonna just plop them in front of the TV so I was about to quit working and I thought I just can't do it I can't keep up the balance and who stepped in but my mom who was not yet retired but she would come over at the crack of dawn to allow me to go to the gym she'd started getting the kids ready for school she'd wake him up fixed breakfast I'd come back I'd grab him I take him to school she'd go to work she'd get off she'd come and pick them up get them home start dinner by that time I'd get home I mean we had our routine down and there's just something about having your mom in that place where you know she she will she will kill someone for her grandchildren so she was the grandmother at the pick up line she was going to be the first one at the pick-up line because she didn't want her little grandbabies walking around wondering where their ride was so she would get there an hour before pickup to be the first car so that she'd see her babies and to bring him here bring him here the you you know you don't you can't pay for that no so we brought that energy with us to the White House and we needed it that kind of no-nonsense solid tell it like it is unimpressed with everything kind of personality that is Marian Robinson you know she did not want anybody doing her laundry at the White House she could do her laundry just fine really was Jo know she did was notoriously doing we had housekeepers and Butler's and everything at the White House and she was like don't touch my underwear I've got it too old for that my heart's role-model and she taught the girls to do their laundry so they had laundry duty with Grandma oh so she really helped keep them grounded because my god yeah she kept the whole White House grounded she just kept because and everybody used to go up to her room the the butler's the staff they'd just be in there chit-chatting with her shooting the breeze getting some wisdom telling their stories you know she just had a whole little psych counseling session up there in her Suites of rooms but she she kept us humble and focused on what was important and she was my sounding board anytime anything crazy happened over the course of the day the first thing I would do her her suite of rooms were on the third floor above us and I'd go there and I'd sit on her couch she'd have on MSNBC or something and she'd be trying not to talk about what was on the news until I kind of let her know that I was ready to talk about it and she would do what she always did sit there and just listen and go hmm and then what because my mother was not going to solve your problems for you no you know she was gonna listen and she would say well what do you think about that and then you'd figure it out and by the time you'd leave you figure I feel great so so much of my ability to get out there again and again and again had to do with going up to that little counseling room and sitting and having Marian Robinson mm-hmm you'll be fine just going back down there did she stop now did she ever tell you you know you've talked about that a lot what are you gonna do say that again did she ever say you've talked about that a lot now what are you gonna do about it no she's mom my mother and I write about this about how I my mother my parents had a really advanced sense of parenting at a very early age they taught us how to advocate for ourselves very early so her expectation like you you know how to fix your problems you know what to do and when you teach kids at an early age that they have a voice that's worth listening to number one and that their opinions actually matter and that's what they get day in and day out in their home at the dinner table two adults listening intently and asking questions and you know encouraging kids to contribute that was the household those were our dinner dinner tables so that when you came home from school with a problem you could air it but you had to go back and solve it and so at forty fifty years old no my mother wasn't assuming at all that she needed to solve any problems that I had at first lady her expectations were you will do this and you will do this well because you know how to do this so there was never any need for her to even pretend like she had to give me directions she knew she had instilled those values in me when I was four and five and seven so she had done the work wonder what a blessing and you mentioned to the you almost thought about quitting because you did have it I don't know how many people realize what high-powered positions you had as a career woman I mean to balance that well but before I was first lady oh yes oh yeah yeah I had a jobs before I was first lady everyone pretty high-powered and sometimes that getting lost executive vice president I had big jobs I was really I was smart was continue to be that's why sometimes when I keep the question how did you know what to do his first lady yes that's like whoa okay I went to Princeton Harvard Lauda was a lawyer work in the city worked with Carla working on libraries I worked in planning and economic development ran a nonprofit organization was vice president a hospital I don't know I just maybe was osmosis so they're an instinct you were able to use some of those experiences so yeah you you know I I didn't come to the position of first lady a blank slate and that's sort of what happens in society with spouse you become a spouse all of a sudden burn you know and I felt I talked about this in the book of how I felt myself becoming a spouse I went from being an executive to becoming a spouse where the first thing people would talk about was what shoes is she wearing and it's like oh no no people not you're not focusing on my shoes right I mean I'm standing in front of like a military families we were doing important things but so yes there were moments in my profession because the the burden of child-rearing fell on me as a woman you know there was there was a part of my trajectory as my husband's ascent got faster and higher and louder there was the challenge of how do I make sure that my kids are saying and I have a career but then yeah that started very early those doubts those questions of how do you balance it all and is it fair that we're on his rocket ship ride when I have one too but that's something that I write about that's what you learn the balance in marriage that and I tell young people this all the time particularly young women is that you what I've learned is that you can have it all but you you usually can't have it all at the same time and that that's a myth that even having the expectation of having it all it's a setup for a young people young young couples young men and women with children the notion that you're not successful if you don't have it all well it's it's hard to balance it all but if but I started to learn that life is long and there are trade-offs that you make and I think that the trade-off of stepping off of my path until at least I found a child care solution that worked for me which was my mom I entertained the notion of stepping off of my track because I felt like I have these two kids and that is I brought them here so my first priority is to make sure that they are okay I can't save the world if I if my household isn't isn't solid so but the other thing I learned at that point in time when I was ready to jump off the professional track I started not caring what people thought about me professionally so I felt more freedom to ask for what I needed so I wanted up staying in my career because I had an opportunity to become the vice president of Community Affairs at the University of Chicago the president was looking for a new person to head that division and I had just had Sasha she was four months old and I was like not doing it don't care don't care about work but one of my good friends said well you should interview because this guy is really different and I was like okay I don't care so I took I was still breastfeeding so I had Sasha in the crib but said we're going to an interview baby we're gonna go see this man who wants me to work from him but we don't care we're not we don't care so we're going and he needs to see all of me have a baby and a husband who's a u.s. senator whatever he was doing at the time it's like you want you want to hire this well let me tell you what it'll take I'll need this much money on the flexibility I laid down a whole list of demands that I knew was we're gonna have him running in the other direction because I really felt the freedom to be like well if you can do this this this this and this for me then maybe I'll think about it and he said yes to all the whole list of all the things I asked for and I thought wow I guess I have to try this now but what I learned there is that as women as individuals you have to ask for what you need and not assume that people are gonna give you what you need and that taught me that I can define the terms of my professional life in a way that I didn't feel the freedom to do so I thought if I'm gonna do this I'm going to do this in a way that provides balance and I you know I I told folks there don't expect me at every meeting don't expect me to come to meetings we're not doing anything because I'm going to the Halloween parade and that's important and I'm doing my job and I'm doing it well but this meeting isn't necessary so I felt that freedom for the first time in my professional life to ask for what I need knowing that I was worthy of it that I that I was valuable to them even in all my complicatedness I was still giving them value but I had to learn to appreciate that value before I could ask for what I needed right and not be afraid oh gosh yeah not be afraid at all that they might say which is easier said than done so I mean you know I I understand it is not easy to tell somebody that you're worth a lot especially for women we have a hard time saying that about ourselves that I know my worth and I can put a monetary number on it too that there is there that there is a value to it and that's that those are kind of things that I'm exploring in the book as well and I'm not really just trying to pump the book but I'm I'm these are what I've been asking about for the last year I've been sort of reliving these things and figuring out what it's taught me so I'm writing about all that so if I'm if I sound a little like therapy here where you're in it I'm in it I'm still in it thinking about and people and you're having the time to be able to step back because you mentioned going and going you didn't have really time to reflect as things were happy with no time to reflect in eight years I mean we did so much so fast and we also knew we didn't have the luxury to make mistakes when you are the first I mean I'm I've lived my life as the first the only one at the table and Barack and I knew very early that we would be measured by different yardstick making mistakes was not an option for us not that we didn't make mistakes but we had to be good no we had to be outstanding at everything we did and when you're operating at that level and your your-your-your trying to live up to the you know to the expectations of your ancestors of your father when you're the first you're the one that's laying the the the red carpet down for others to follow so yes we were moving fast we I I was starting an initiative almost every year during the eight years that I was there and when I started an initiative there was a lot of work that went into it beforehand because coming from to this work as a professional I knew that strategic thinking about an initiative had to happen the background work had to be done we met when we started let's move before we even launched it we spent a year meeting with every expert in the field we had already developed partnerships before we had even announced it we had focus groups we were meeting with legislators and policymakers so that when we stepped out into the arena we knew what the pitfalls would be we knew where the partnerships needed to be we knew where the holes were well that that was work that we were doing at the same time that you're doing state visits and Halloween parties and Christmas decorations and so you're like a swan with the paddling legs underneath that was eight years of that so yeah I realized there was time that something really major would happen at the beginning of the week let's say you met the Pope or something like that let's just say that you know this is the weird thing that's kind of stuff we did I met the Pope or hanging out with the Queen it's like okay that was my week that's my life or that was one week - that was it could be in one week you know a state visit my first trip to Africa that was my solo trip involved doing push-ups with Bishop Desmond Tutu literally and I was like please get up please don't use I know no I'm gonna do push-ups when you come Michel come down so I just looked around it's like if something happens to him it's not me well I so I was doing push-ups with Bishop tutu I gave a speech to a group of young African women leaders I met Nelson Mandela we went on a safari I went to Botswana I you know that's like four days all of that kind of stuff would happen in like four days and then you'd go to the next week and I could literally forget everything that just happened the week before because something like that would be happening in the next week so to be able to remember it all to keep it all in your head I would find myself forgetting oh yeah I've I went to Prague I literally forgot that I have been to Prague and I and I'm not I I mean we had this conversation somebody said what do you think of Prague and I said I've never been to Prague and my chief of staff said yes you have and I was like no I have never been to Prague ever she was like yes and we went back and forth and it took a picture of me in Prague going you're right I forgot all about that I was there for two days that's how that's what the pace is you can forget big major things not because they weren't important but they get crowded out by the next series of issues and demands so I don't know what the question was how we got on this you forgot the question I forgot the question all right so when you think about all of that and then you have the two little ones say the two little ones right oh my kids and so they might have I never ever got about them and so that balance and so when people are thinking about balance and how you do it any advice for how people can be try to yeah there's there's a lot of advice for balance my balance is crazy it's it's it's on you know because you're the first lady but you're also trying to go to the potluck and the soccer game and you know I tell the story of how Barack goes went to a parent-teacher conference and you know he's got a big motorcade it's big it's a lot of stuff and men with guns machine guns black you know sniper gear they follow him everywhere they're in trucks and they're leaning out looking at you like I will kill you because that's their job but when they're at Sidwell fourth-grade on the roof of the undergrad the elementary school even Malia was like dad come on you know so everybody was sort of okay when dad didn't go sort of politely going dad you don't have to come to the fall/winter concert you it's okay we'll take a picture you could take a pass but I would be there and mom would be there and you're trying to be a normal parent in the midst of it you know when you know you your kids invited over for sleepover and you have to explain to them we will need your social security number and there will be dog sweeping your house and they're going to ask you if you have guns and drugs and you'll have to tell them sorry mrs. Julia's mom but this is what it means to have such over but it's gonna be fine you know don't have fun they but but kids have fun they learn how to work past all of that but you're balancing at least I was balancing not just the the act of being a mother but being the first lady of the first daughters who had their own detail all the time so imagine trying to go to prom with eight men with guns and doing anything else that you're trying to do as a teenager with eight men with guns Barack and I were very happy about it [Laughter] [Applause] we were very but she even had to like learn how to like discipline them without letting them think that their agents told on them right so all parents you understand this so I had to I had a lie a little bit about where I got my information from it's like how did I know that no parent was at that party Julia's mom called me and told me not because I got a full report in detail it's like why are they so dumb not to know that how do you think I knew their kid that's our dads are those are some of our parenting scenarios so my goal as a parent was to try to make sure my kids had normalcy that's a different set of challenges for the average parent but here's the thing that I learned one of the things I learned living in the White House is that kids don't need that much you know if they know you love them unconditionally you can live in the White House you can live in a you know you can you can live in a little bitty apartment I grew up in home is what you make of it inside it's that interaction that you have everyday and it doesn't have to be perfect it can be broken and funny and odd in many ways and you know our oddness was a level of dysfunction that most families will never experience but it was odd and and they kids are resilient they make it through which is why I think about all the kids that don't make it through because it takes a lot to break a kid you know it takes a lot but there's so many broken kids which reminds us how bad we're doing because you got to do really messed-up stuff to kids to to send them off they have to come from a brokenness that is so deep and off and we have to see that in our children and understand that when kids act out there's a reason for it there's there there's no such thing as bad kids kids aren't born bad you know they are not they are products of their situation so I learned to give myself a break because my kids are loved and they're going to be fine and we we mess up a lot we make a lot of wrong calls as parents but you know we we we hold them to high standards as people you know we don't measure them by things and grades we measure them for how they interact in the world how do they treat their friends how do they treat each other things like kindness and compassion and empathy those are the things that we have tried to teach them over these years and here's the thing kids watch what you do not what you say so the biggest thing that Barack and I could ever do to be good parents to our kids is to be good people in the world for them to see every day so and that is true whether you're the president in the first lady or you're Marion and Frazier Robinson those standards don't you know they don't know title they don't know income that's just all that kids need and we as you librarians know who you're working in the communities and you see you're seeing these kids come into your your doors and they come with such promised and they they just want somebody to love them you know they just want somebody to tell them that they're okay and that's one of the things I've tried to do as first lady with kids why did so much with kids because I always thought this is the interaction that could change a kid's life this one hug this one you are worth it you never know what what can make a difference now all of this you're giving to communities you're giving to your children and you're giving but you've also I've heard you say it that sometimes you have to put yourself first or not feel guilty about taking care of yourself no yes ladies and men too but let's talk to the ladies a little bit on this one because we do that right we put ourselves forth on our priority lists after everybody else and then we're sort of aunts and sometimes we're not even on our own list at all it's so filled with so many obligations and the guilt that we have and you know you this is nothing new but that oxygen mask metaphor is real you know if you can't save someone if you are dying inside and that death can look like so many different things it can be our you know our self our sense of self-worth our own physical health our mental well-being all of that is if we let that go and we don't nurture it as women we are not good to anybody else and I you know I and that is something to that you have to practice and that's what I had to learn I had to learn to learn that because I didn't see that even in my mother I mean my mother was one of those who didn't do anything for herself you know my mother died her own hair until she turned it green and it was like mom it's green it's not working you don't know what you're doing just go to the hairdresser and she's like it's fine it's just green I can relate to that just green I remember that you know it's like my you know so I I grew up with women who put didn't put themselves first and I thought I want to show my girls something else you know I want I want them to see that being a good woman out here in the world means that you're smart you're educated yes you were gentle and kind and loving but you know you could you can do some push-ups you know you can you know you're gonna think about what you put into your body what you eat you're gonna take time out for yourself you're gonna invest in your relationships with your friends I thought it was important for me to my girls to see me having strong friendships with women in my life so I have a posse of women who keep me sane that's what I wanted to know oh yeah oh yeah and the posse started early in my life I always had a crew of women crew girls I had my my lunchtime girls that we went over to each other's house at lunch time in grade school and played jacks and complained about the teacher and just analyze things watched all my children then we got ourselves together and we were fortified and we could go back in and finish the day that was my early group but when I went my kids were young I had a really strong group of woman still do these women are still a major part of my life and I could have gotten through those early years without him because we were all at varying stages of our professional careers some of us were married some were single parents some had husbands who travel but every Saturday we would get together and we started when the babies were in those cradles and we would just set them down around each other in a circle so they could look at each other and then we talked about everything you know about are they walking yet are they supposed to be do all those questions you have as a new mother and you don't know whether you're doing anything right it was just nice to be around a group of women who knew just like you they didn't know anything either we were just messing up and it was okay but we became our most important confidence as mothers raising kids and our kids all of these kids who have come up together are like cousins and they're they they're out in the world and they've all done well which was another lesson that I learned you can parent all different kinds of ways there's no one right way to do it again if there's love and consistency and a foundation and security they're going to be okay so we we started learned to let ourselves off the hook you know and then we started doing fun stuff together like we worked out together these same women I would do a boot camp with at Camp David I want to thank these women who would come because I was trying to get everybody healthy so like once the season I bring them to Camp David and we do like these intensive workouts and I like eliminated wine and stuff like that until everybody said they weren't coming unless I put wine back on the menu so I had to put wine back on there just to not lose my friends but we work out like three three three times a day and the little Navy cadet kids they'd be like ma'am go lower on your pushup and be like oh you're just so cute and don't call me ma'am so we were getting healthy together and we started doing a little seminar as we do each other one of my friends was an OB gynie so as we got older we would have sessions on menopause and then we talked about other things that I can't talk about here but but that group was that was that that was my crew throughout the white house years and that was a part of that self-care that we all felt good about and we all got stronger over these eight years we as women this group of women we got physically and mentally stronger together in ways that I love my husband you know he is my best friend but they're more fun sometimes don't tell him he doesn't know that I have more fun with them sometimes but they gave me the kind of the kind of fortification that I needed and I encourage young mothers to understand that you are we were not meant to parent in isolation and so many young parents because of you know circumstances maybe they were transferred they're living away from their homes I saw this in military families a young you know military mom would move away from her family she'd have kids she'd be alone and she'd be wondering well why is this so hard and I'd say because you're not supposed to do this alone you know children weren't meant to be raised in isolation we need community that it does take a village and so I encourage young women to build their village if it's not at home with your mom and your aunts and your cousins then wherever you are build that village because that will be your salvation it keeps you saying and and it just keeps you in imbalance in a way that I think we don't appreciate and what about fun fun yeah I just told you a bunch of fun we had the push-ups the push-ups are fun Carla you Shay should so you wouldn't enjoy like working out well you keep score that's what you tell Carla doesn't work out because she thinks there are scores to be kept during a workout it's like okay one pushup for me and one for you well we had fun oh yeah we had fun we made sure we had fun and we wanted the White House to be a place of fun and particularly in tough times you know and we went through some tough times crisis shootings I mean I the the the amount of of grief that we that that that we had to I wanted to say we weren't carrying it but we had to help the country get through you can't have all crisis you know the country needs a moment to feel like they can celebrate in some way shape or form even in the darkest times so we had Halloween at the White House and kids came and they mostly military kids and their families they would come around the South Lawn and it was all decorated and the house was orange and everybody was in costume and they got to trick-or-treat at the White House you know we had any major state event that we did whether it was a state dinner or a rival we found a way to incorporate kids in that so we had a big act performing at in the evening usually they'd agree to do a separate performance or a talk or a workshop with young kids from from when we'd fly them in from all over the country so that there would be kids getting different experiences so kids sat down and talked to you know every major star that came to the White House we did the had the whole cast of Hamilton come back and perform and it was a very full circle moment for for me because we first met lin-manuel when the very first cultural event that we did at the White House was the spoken word event because spoken word rapped for those of you don't know poetry you know sort of cool had never been done in the White House in the East Room with George and Martha standing there and so we were going to do that as the first event so we were finding some of the hottest young voices and we did a rope line and this young kid lin-manuel came up and he and Barack and I were what are you gonna perform young man and he said I'm gonna do a rap about Alexander Hamilton if we were like you know that's when here you remember you're the president first lady you cannot laugh in the face of your guests and go what are you kidding and then he went on to perform the first number that that was the the first number he had prepared and it was obviously amazing and so afterwards we were like that's really good and he said yes I'm gonna do a whole Broadway show on it and we were like hey like good luck with that kid and then it blew up and and we invited the whole cast back and they performed first they did a whole day of workshops for kids from all over the country so they were doing lyric writing and you know you name it they were in the Red Room writing and rapping in the Blue Room and they were dancing in the yellow oval and you name it they were everywhere and then they did the performance in the East Room with all these kids who had never gotten to see the Broadway performance but they all knew the words so we had fun we had lots of fun and all our fun always involved kids because kids are good they just make everything better and we wanted to make sure that kids felt like this white house belonged to them you know that they felt like when they walk into it and kids of all backgrounds felt like this was a place that kids were supposed to be not like peering out the front gates but they were supposed to walk in those doors and experience everything that was going on in there and that was I think of all the things that we did the work that we were able to do with young people there's a fulfilling and hopefully the most impactful work though that we did in those eight years and they felt like oh yeah I'm rapping in the Blue Room rapping in the Blue Room we did a whole design workshop where kids were draping with designers and there were mannequins up in the so we did a whole workshop Anna Wintour helped to put it together so we had some of the top designers come it was sort of a way to kind of give an A Maj to all the American designers who would work with me but not to do it and make it about me so it had to be about kids so they all came for a day of working with all these young designers around the world and they were making jewelry in different rooms and they came together for a panel and they got to meet Diane von Furstenberg and all these big names came and they spent the day with these kids and it was about them but it was also about fashion so those are the kind of the ways we tried I tried to think about you know linking the stuff that people wrote about to something that was important there's like okay you like my shoes but let's teach some kids how to be designers how do what this craft means in America that it's a you know that it's not just about how you look but what you do and design and all of that was fun fun fun and and the kids left feeling like hey I've been to the White House they felt like they were something special I'm in the White House doing this we had a mentor program that we never really publicized but I worked every year with a group of twenty girls from the area because mentoring has always been a big part of my life and brock's as well so he had some young men that would come and they'd come once a month they were usually kids from the DC area not the top kids but not the kids struggling but sort of those kids that are just in the Middle where there probably isn't a lot of programming for them and they would be paired up with a high-powered woman in the administration Valerie Jarrett was a mentor Cris Comerford who was the first female executive chef at the White House who Laura Bush appointed she was a mentor and they meet with these kids all the time but they would come together once a month in the White House and it was interesting to see the transformation when they first start they were shy they couldn't look me in the eye you know they were just nervous you know because it was nerve-racking you're in the white house you're meeting Michelle Obama and why were you picked and you're wondering but we'd spend time talking and eating popcorn and we talk about everything and by the time they complete it usually two years with us by their graduation ceremony when their parents would come they felt there was just a shift in who they thought they were you know they felt comfortable in that space in that room with me they knew that they deserved that for themselves and it's that process of just giving them that exposure on a regular basis saying you are worthy I don't even care about your grades who are you as a person and you were worth being talked to being listened to and they came in and after while they owned the place they were taken they didn't even notice me it's like oh yeah mom that's Michelle Obama we're old friends now let me show you the Blue Room I mean they just they had a confidence and my belief for them was that if you can walk into the White House and look me in the eye and introduce yourself there is no room you cannot go in there's no room you can't go into after that right right before we started there was a high school high schooler and she's here this is her first time with librarians / hope to recruit her there she is there she is hi honey and of course we hope she'll be a librarian but but any advice you might give a high score and she said I know about college and what I want to do and any advice what how old are you 17 well you're gonna go to college right okay well that's the first advice go to college because you need a college education in this day and age if you want to be competitive right but here's the thing there are so many different ways to get an education we live in the United States of America and we have wonderful community colleges we've got four-year colleges there's so many ways to do it there's no one right way to do it right you don't have to go to some four-year school and live in a dorm if that's not your thing it's an excellent experience if you can do it but you have to get an education beyond high school that is a must a high school diploma is not enough anymore and we want you to be the very best you can be and be able to take care of your family and wear nice shoes and be all fly and have power and all that good stuff having an education is the key to that so good that that's my advice in a nutshell now we don't have much time left but I meant to ask you about the book I'm talking about you know okay cuz it's coming out in November these are like you guys ready we want to be able to book talking you got to give us a few things so we can book talking that's what we do all right oh I've given you a bit few tidbits but you know if I were to describe the book it's it it's a real man ization effort because you know for me a black woman from a working-class background to have the opportunity to tell her story is interestingly rare you know I think that's why some people ask the question how did you become here how did you go from here to there it's sort of like people think I'm a unicorn it's like like I don't exist like people like me don't exist and I know that there are so many people in this country in this world who feel like they don't exist because their stories aren't told or they think their stories aren't worthy of being told you know in this country we've gotten to the point where we kind of think that there is only a handful of legitimate stories that make you a true American and so if you don't fall into that narrow sort of line it's like you don't belong but we all belong and I think my book is just it's the ordinariness of a very extraordinary story and and I hope that by telling it that it it makes others not just black women not just black people but other people other women people who feel faceless and invisible and voiceless to feel the pride in their story in the way that I feel about mine the ordinariness of growing up as a working-class kid with two parents who had values they didn't have a lot of money you know I we grew up with music and art and love and that was just about it and were encouraged to get an education you know I am NOT a unicorn there are millions of kids like me out there and it's just a shame that sometimes people will see me and they will only see my color and then they'll make certain judgments about that and that's dangerous for us to dehumanize each other in that way we are all just people you know with stories to tell and we're flawed and broken and there's no miracle in our stories it's just we're living life trying to do good and that's who this little girl in becoming is she is becoming a lot of things in life but the journey continues and I hope it that it starts a conversation about voice and it encourages so many other people because we need to know everyone's stories so that we don't forget the humanity and each other because what we've learned Barack and I over the course of this eight years and traveling around the country is that Americans are good people decent people really even if we don't agree on politics and we have to remember that about ourselves and understand that that's true not just here in America but around the world their own there are no Devils out there there are no people out there they're there people who do bad things but all of us are really just trying to figure it out and if we've done something really horrible it's usually because we were broken in some way and if we understand each other's stories and we share those stories that maybe we can be more empathetic maybe we can be more inclusive maybe we can be more forgiving and be more open so I hope that the book encourages some conversation around those kind of things and then you'll hear about the China and my shoes a couple of nice stories you know Bo and sunny make an appearance so not to worry they're there they're still alive doing well by the way thank you you got that well I just have to tell you we are glad that you were Michelle Obama Thank You Carla and they are - thank you all thank you for everything you all do keep doing the work out in the community we need you and that was Michelle Obama and dr. Carla Hayden the librarian of Congress talking at the American Library Association's annual conference in New Orleans in June well Michelle Obama is currently on book tour for becoming her memoir which is the best-selling book of 2018 we're going to show you several of her appearances we were only allowed to tape about ten minutes per appearance here she is on the book kick off in Chicago at the United Center with Oprah Winfrey she made us always feel like the White House was really our house the people's house she is your hometown girl from the south side of Chicago [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay everybody Wow United Center have a seat we're home we're home yeah feels good I gotta say I gotta say every time I fly into the city because the city was a city of so many blessings to me I get a little lump a little flop and so when you're flying in now coming home after all this place has even and nurtured you what does that feel like oh well first I try to trace every inch when we're flying in I try to point out all the neighborhood's I was like okay that's Midway I see my high school I think that's my mom's house Oh see I still call it the Sears Tower you know I try to trace the outlines of my city and find all the neighborhoods that's what I'm doing I do that every time I'm like looking it's like there's the lake and do I see there's planetarium yeah there's my school I think I could see everything so yeah I'm tracing my life over that city and it it always feels good it really does okay I was coming in tonight because as I said you I haven't been here since the Oprah show ended I was at the United Center and then I came in it was 1:00 and from the cold she's like biology but coming in and all the banners around the stadium for becoming people lined up to come in I mean I was thinking about your parents your father in particular no one could have ever imagined from 7436 you could have a new south snow yes that it would be happening yeah and of course I missed all that because I still come in the back way through the freight elevator by the garbage you got to see it Yuki that has been my life you got to see it on the way out I'm just trying I mask my sick can't we go out the front door just so I can see my sign I'll be like ma'am I'm sorry get in the car you know I have to say that from the first page of this book until the last you you did it you brought it you opened yourself up you allowed us to see in and let us experience the fullness of of you in a way that I don't think anybody has ever done before particularly who's been in a White House and it's why I chosen is it Oprah's Book Club selection and they thank you by the way well you didn't need it but okay everybody was gonna buy the book anyway so I understand thank you this is the truth though anytime you're looking at life from the outside in it always looks like life is better over there out there up there and you and your father used to do with the family what my father used to do in the Deuce and a quarter drive around that aspirational ride particularly on Sunday yeah uh-huh look at other rich people's houses mm-hmm white people mm-hmm yes and the truth is it doesn't get any bigger than the White House but what you allowed us to see is that it isn't always as it seems and that the White House is really a paradox I'd like for you to paint the picture for us of life inside the White House yes Wow I describe it it's like living in the fanciest hotel and you have your elevator that takes you up to your room and there's a lobby where all the action is going on and that's the central floor what you see on TV about the White House the state floor that's not the private residence that's where all the official stuff goes on with a Red Room in the Blue Room in the green room and all the rooms are the old the the East Room that that's the ceremonial floor but then up the next floor there are two more floors that are the residents and those floors are private to the families who live there and once you get in that elevator and you come up to that floor and those elevators open and there's usually an older black gentleman in a tuxedo who is worked at the White House for decades often through standing there a drink of refreshment no no just with a lovely smile okay you know although you could have them do that too and any time I never thought of that and any time I look down at any time of the day I'm night can you just say I'd like some refreshment you know you you can but then you realize I write about this yes that you pay for it right so they tell you you can order anything and they listen very carefully because everybody listens to every word that the president says and I used to tell Barack don't say you want something because then we'll have like thousands of it you know and then we're paying for it so I know it was a shock if he said he likes some rare fish he just happened to say this is delicious and then we get the bill at the end of the month and it's like you flew that fish in from China that fish wasn't that good I said listen everybody don't say you like that fish everybody's just just getting the book today so I can see the surprise on people's faces when you hear her say that they had to pay for it yeah a lot of people think you know and this is also is sort of an interesting thing when people would say that taxpayers are paying for that and the truth is yes but you know you don't pay rent and you don't pay for staff but every thing every dish every they they would count the number of peanuts that you eat and charge it back no so you'd get a bill at the end of it it's not a you know it's not at all we lived in a white house y'all I mean this is not a complaint it's just something that people don't understand you pay for your own Charmin you can pay for your Charmin you pay for all your guests the food that they eat Saul y'all came and visited when you were thinking I'm just gonna take some put it in the purse I was like we got the bill no but all the official events are paid for there's a budget for that but all of our private meals all of our entertaining whether we had family over for Thanksgiving those things were paid for but you know that's a minor part of the experience but the house is beautiful but it is staff and there are people they are constantly they're chefs and Butler's and the butler's when we first came in wore full formal tuxedos at all times black men serving people in full tuxedos who've been there for presidents like for year after president after president we loved the staff the butler's are amazing the whole staff at the White House is amazing and one of the first things we did because we were trying to figure out how do you make this normal for children you know because Malia and Sasha were 7 and 10 thank you for that you know I won't hear the end of that she's like mom didn't even know how old we were they were young and we were figuring out how do we keep them grounded and the first thing we thought is like they cannot you know what we're having pancakes in the morning it's just crazy to have a man with a tuxedo come in when when you got some little girls at a sleepover and you bring in in some water that you know so we cancelled the tuxedos it's like you'll take those tuxedos off wear some polo shirts and some slacks unless we did something formal we just sort of loosened it up a bit but other than that the White House does feel like a home you know and I always say that a house is a house and what we what you bring to the home is what makes it at home and how we lived in that home was what I remember most and people asked to do I miss the White House and it's like no I don't miss the house because we took what was important in that house with us and it is with us it's family its values and the friendship so the house is beautiful and it's historic and you know it was an honor to live there but the people in it make it what it is and you're watching book TV on c-span - its television for serious readers we're in the midst of showing you portions of Michelle Obama's book tour across the country well she sold out Capital One Arena in Washington DC twice and we want to show you those appearances now [Applause] [Laughter] hey honey hey my love here we are this is so exciting we are in this town that has become your town yeah we are with all these amazing people and the thing that I think is so extraordinary as we keep discussing is we are here to talk about a book it's something all these people are here because you know buddy's twerkin no there's no tricking we are reading that's right that's right we're all reading and so no costumes no no no costume changes sorry y'all but you know we've been talking about this and I've been thinking so much that the the the extraordinary presidency comes to an end you and we're going to talk about transitions and swerves in life but your time to make another transition and what you decide you want to do is write this book yeah why did you do that well first of all it was sort of an assignment right because every first lady is supposed to write a book and I think they've done it for quite some time so it was one of those okay I'm supposed to now write about this and that's one thing the other thing as I've told some young girls that I talked about I thought about this book and thought how many times does a black woman get to tell her full story herself in a way that's going to be read potentially by millions of people so I thought to myself let me you know take this seriously I want to make sure that this isn't just a chronology of things that happened in the White House because what I've learned over the years what I've learned from my parents is that to understand one's life you you have to understand the context of it so for people to understand what I got from the eight years in the White House they not they'd have to know all of my story that I'm to understand the neighborhood that I grew up in the family that built me the values we were raised on the challenges that I faced and I wanted the book to be very readable I wanted it to feel like a story so that people of all backgrounds and young folks of all ages could sort of follow this journey of this little girl Michelle Robinson who had very much an ordinary life but took it took many extraordinary turns and as my brother said on the clip I want I wanted my story to to be an example to many that we all deserve and are worthy of an amazing extraordinary life and the stories that we all have in us you know those small memories are really what make us who we are it's not the eight years in the White House that define me that just happened to be part of my journey so much more of Who I am comes in the first three sections of this book and I wanted the people to understand that and and so what you've given us is a story of this ordinary extraordinary girl in a way that all of us I think can read into the ordinariness of living near your cousin's having dinner at a certain time having a relative who's a little bit cranky but who's still a part of the fold all of these particulars are something I think that that give people an American coming-of-age story and the fact that that is a black woman's coming-of-age story for everyone to identify with I think is an extraordinary feat and as you know I think you have written a work of American literature for which I thank you well that that means a lot coming from my friend who is a literary amazingness person in her own words the truth is the truth is the truth and so this story begins with my little invisible pretend best friend Michelle Robinson I wish we had known each other when we were five years I know that would have been so good it would have been so wonderful because you are my favorite little girl this little girl is very determined she's single-minded she's fierce she has a rich interior life oh yeah she lives in a close-knit family and you live on on in an iconic place the south side of Chicago outside South that's right one of the America's great metropolis is we are biased South siders of Chicago but when I think back on my life in the community that I was raised in the truth is is that when you read about my community it feels like so many communities in this country you know it was a working-class neighborhood of peace some people who own their homes some people who didn't it was very racially diverse when we first moved in as you can see from my kindergarten classroom pictures there were people with all kinds of last names consul Ponce in Abu Asaf sand dempsey's and Robinson's we were all sharing the space together and living in a very vibrant community and I was in and out of the homes of all these kids you know we grew up in a time where you know if you got into some trouble you could count on the neighbor lady calling up your mother a stopping by and telling on you and you couldn't talk back to the neighbor lady you know you had to listen to what other adults you had to respect what other adults in your life had to say about you we can get an amen on that right but it wasn't just the people that was sort of the sights and sounds I mean we had a park down the street that had a men's softball league that played at Knights in the summers and I remember falling asleep on the screened-in porch because we didn't have air conditioning and when you didn't have air conditioning you slept on a porch we spent on the porch had many a great night on the porch just falling asleep to the sounds of people cheering on their teams you know we had the liquor store on the corner that sold bread and penny candy that's what your mother sent you to get Newport cigarettes and you could get a week's worth of candy with a quarter and I remember getting my latest now later only recently you know not so recently I realized that they were now or later but we didn't say it like that he said that's right it's Annihilator can and the flavor was great it was great colors yeah I want red and I think like a lot of people in working-class families we lived in a community of relatives you know people didn't live on their own you know you lived with an elder and every elder in our family had somebody who lived with them we lived with a great on above in a very small house but she owned the home she allowed my parents to live there with little rent because my parents moved to the neighborhood to put us in better public schools around the corner was my maternal grandmother who lived with an aunt around the other corner was my maternal grandfather they were divorced but they never just talked but they lived around the corner from each other mm-hmm you know you just learned that they didn't talk and what we thought was light years away was my father's family they lived basically like five minutes away but it felt like a big trip when we went over to dandy and grandmas because she had to get in the car to see them but I grew up with a community of cousins and cousins of cousins and people who probably weren't your cousin but they were your cousins the story never really got fully explained they're all your cousins and music was a big part of my life I write about my father who was a lover of jazz and if you grow up with a father you know of art that generation that's when you play records on the stereo and you actually actually had to sit there and listen to them and learn how to put the needle on the record player without scratching it yes because you'd get in trouble if you scratched up your father's records and and you had to listen to the whole album you couldn't pick up and put it in the middle on this song you like in the beginning wait until your song came on that you weren't in the bathroom when it came on can we start it over nope no gotta wait till we get to the end and some of that to that music you listen to with Southside you're grab great I loved all the men in my life and this is something yeah I point out because when people talk about what what makes a girl strong and a lot of times you look to the mother and my mother definitely did that there were strong women in my family but I was surrounded men by a lot of men who loved me and treated me well and respected me I didn't know and and and I didn't realize until I got older how rare that is for a young woman to grow up safe and loved by the men in her life and that's a sad statement for us as a society as a world quite frankly but I was one of the fortunate ones who grew up with both of her grandfather's men who adored me in South Side I would spend whole Saturdays with him they were working-class folks who managed without a lot of money without degrees and connections to provide us with a home full of stability consistency love guidance values and what they remind me and should remind everybody is it doesn't take a lot of stuff to raise good kids you know you don't have to be titled to do the job of good parenting and my parents did that my father was a stationary fireman his whole life worked the same job until the day he died and my father was the oldest of five my mother was the middle child of seven and my father was the rock for so many not just us but for his brothers and his sisters he was he was a giver you know I say in the book that he believed that time was a gift you give others and he gave and he gave and he gave he was that person that everybody would gather around in his recliner they would come and bring the girlfriends so he could check them out and they'd ask him for advice and he was a visitor you know he visited everybody and oftentimes he dragged me along with him on a Saturday where I would be sitting on some plastic sofa you know the feeling some ladies house with a little little cup of 7up and I would listen to him visit and visit and visit but my dad was a storyteller and he was courageous and he also had MS which was only part of his story and probably something I didn't realize that he struggled so mightily with as a young person because my father was somebody who wasn't going to complain you know he wasn't going to seek professional help for his disease which was a frustration to all of us he was going to get up and go to work and earn a salary and we were his world he invested everything he had in us and any other kid that came his way so I learned to be a storyteller I learned to be a listener I learned to be a giver from watching him and then there was my mom Marion who is as I described her in the book she just had a Zen neutrality in her ability to parent and she taught us responsibility at an early age she was the kind of mother I think we were about seven or eight when she gave us alarm clocks and she was like you're gonna wake yourselves up because as my mom said I'm raising adults not babies so she taught us how to think for ourselves in an early age and I think the thing that I want to share with people I've shared in the book that I want to say about my parents is that they valued our voices from an early age we were not shushed we were allowed to speak our minds and to ask questions they encouraged our curiosity they told us the truth and they told us the context of people's existence so if there was the crazy uncle there the funny you know cousin they'd explain to us that history so that we could understand why they landed where they were so I think because of the two of them and we as Craig said my brother said on the video we we were successful because of these two hard-working good valued folks and I wish my dad could be here to see all this how proud would he be of you yeah so there was Michelle there was Craig your brother who at one point you even shared a bedroom with oh yeah what was he like as a big brother and how did he add to this equation of this family he was my protector you know I joked when I was on some show this week because I've been on a lot of them I can't even remember which one I was Robin Robinson Robin Roberts he was my he's the favorite okay and that's okay he's my mother's favorite she won't admit it but he knows it I know it you know and I tell her all the time it's like what do I have to do I'm the first lady I live in the White House [Music] you know I'm taking her to China I'm like you know she's meeting the Pope and at Thanksgiving it still wins Craig coming I'm like I really really care but the thing is is that I adore him too so I can't be too bad at him and and here's the thing I want to tell you about Craig he was he and my father treated me as an equal and that's so important for fathers to understand about girls it's like having a strong girl isn't just about having a strong mother it's about having men in their lives who loved them and respect them so when my father taught my brother to do anything whether it was boxing or learning how to throw a fastball or running bases I was right there with him and my brother encouraged it he wasn't like this this is not for girls we didn't deal with that kind of stuff so having men in my life who loved me from the start and then I had a whole community of men who loved me I had my grandfathers and my uncles one of who is here one of my favorite uncle's are here and he knows who he is I grew up with men who took care of me and looked out for me so my bar was really high by the time I was getting out in the world so education was also important to your family and early on in about second grade something happened that really changed your trajectory tell us a little bit about what was going on back in those early days well this is also a story about this gives you some insight into who my mother is as well but we grew up in a neighborhood called South Shore on the south side of Chicago yes South Shore in the house we are everywhere on the south side we just come everywhere but when we moved into the neighborhood it was a mixed neighborhood mixed race neighborhood and it was working class to middle class which is one of the reasons why we moved there to go better schools we lived with my aunt Robbie and she was a teacher so she was able to own her own home she was married to my uncle we called him Tara he was a Pullman Porter so they had a stable income and was able to buy a house in South Shore so the neighborhood was mixed and that meant the schools were mixed so in kindergarten and first grade my classrooms I put a school picture in my book to show you the diversity that was there but what was going on in the 70s was what we call white flight and all my little white friends that I had and I had plenty of them they started literally disappearing before my eyes and I didn't realize until I grown up and learned about segregation and the whole issue of pushing folks fleeing out of communities as black families moved in was that the neighborhood was starting to change and so we started to feel though those effects not just in friends leaving but Adi investment disinvestment in the neighborhood and we felt it in the school so second grade comes around and it was the first time I was in a chaotic classroom you know where erasers were flying and teachers weren't teaching and I knew this as a second grader and I would come home with my little lunch my bologna and I'd come sitting because you came home for lunch back then lived around the corner we turn on all my children and we'd watch the shows and I'd have my bologna sandwich and I would complain be like mom this class you will never believe it we didn't even get homework and I was that kind of kid you know I was like we are not learning enough in this class how will we make it in third grade I was this kind of worrier it's like what we our friends saying who you brought home with you they were all saying because we had we had girls that came with us we traveled in packs and we were all complain and it's like this isn't we this needs to change and and we were just complaining and my mom did the mom thing of like and we thought she was just listening and just you know humoring us but little did we know she was back up at that school and she was making some moves and what happened was that a few of us got tested out into the third grade because of my mother and the advocacy of other mothers but I tell this story because I knew even at that age that I wasn't being invested in as a second grader and sometimes we like to pretend that kids don't know when they're being shortchanged and devalued and I'm here to tell you that I knew that at second grade so as we look at school inequality and things aren't right kids know when they are not being valued and it and it makes them feel some kind of way and I was lucky to have gotten out of that classroom and into a better classroom but that wouldn't have happened if I didn't have a parent at home who was also one of my fiercest advocates and understood the difference between whining and real distress and that was the former first lady during her book tour appearances in Washington DC now book TV covered several of these appearances but we were only allowed to tape about ten minutes of each she also stopped in Philadelphia and here she is in conversation with comedian and author Phoebe Robinson there is so much I want to talk to you about tonight your book becoming is literally life-changing I really do feel that way it's so incredible and smart and wonderful there's a lot of stuff I want to cover but I'm gonna come out hot out the gate okay with a topic that's a controversial just the way we like it hi hi so stick with me um Thanksgiving was last week yeah and I remembered four years ago when you're being interviewed by Robin Roberts on ABC you and Barack and she asked you guys this question so let's take a look how it turned out oh it's tur stuffing favorite pie pumpkin for Thanksgiving okay okay so let's talk to me can be freeze back on him that is that's not Michelle that's a little fun being like what the hell every woman knows that look when it comes to her band it's just like wow they're people looking at their men like that tonight I can't can't believe you just said that did you feel pretty betrayal when he picked pumpkin pie what you know that's sort of that's Barack swervy wades pumpkin pie in the Robinson household we do sweet potato yeah I didn't even really know there was pumpkin pie so I left home I didn't even know what that was the concept of pumpkin in a pie no no sweet potato pie it's like I look at him like you know better than that okay so I'll can decide let's dive in I want to just kick off with another extraordinary achievement in your life it just seems to never stop but your book becoming sold 2 million copies and the first two E's thank you guys that's so incredible that's y'all thank you it's almost Christmas yes it's a few more weeks thank you though it's amazing and so it's so exciting making your Times bestsellers list and you know as I'm also a writer and I've also made that list and I know in the industry like publishing that is so predominantly white to have someone of your stature have this kind of success I think really means a lot and speaks a lot to the industry to say people want to hear stories from everyone yes so how do you how do you feel like the success of your book is gonna impact the industry and also I think inspire future authors of color and women of women as well to want to get into the writing game well I think the success of the book speaks to what I've always known about this country and this country is open to so many people in so many ways and people are curious about other people's stories I mean that's what I experienced when I first campaign for Barack and Iowa the notion that there's a little girl from the south side of Chicago who at the time was named Michelle Obama berry to Barack Hussein Obama was going to dive deep into the Midwest in Iowa going door-to-door in people's homes and they were opening up their homes and welcoming me around their kitchen tables and what connected us was our story it was our shared stories of the stuff that I put in this book you know it wasn't what degree I had it wasn't what school I went to it wasn't what career I had it was what was our food like what was that kitchen table conversation like what was the relationship with my favorite what relative like what were our neighborhoods like the sights and the smells and that's the commonality that we share across this country it is not race it is not gender it's not religion it's the stories that make us who we are and the fact that this is resonating with so many different people just reinforces what I know is true about this country so yes I think that is now incumbent upon us to stop being afraid of our stories and to know that there are so many ways to live a life and is up to us to share it with one another and know that we won't be judged or criticized or looked upon oddly so now we have to dig deep and and and know our stories and be ready to put them on the table so yes hopefully there's room for more excellent that's amazing thank you so much you know we all know you as you know am I paying the best first lady of all time [Applause] you know and we know you as a public figure as a fashion icon as a philanthropist there's a lot of things that we know about you but I wouldn't go back to the beginning as you just being this little girl growing up in Chicago and and you're during - how you became a koko Khaleesi in my opinion koko Khaleesi you may need to explain that anybody watch Game of Thrones ok I told you when you mentioned that I'm not a game of Thrones person don't stone me I've been busy but you have nailing that to me so Michelle Khaleesi is a white woman but you are a koko Khaleesi see the number one Coco Lee sees some powerful woman it's just yes you are like the boss ok I'll take it yeah the boss beep I don't want to Kirk can I can't curse here no I know when I don't want to get kicked off the stage but I want you to take us back to you growing up sort of your journey like what was your childhood like in Chicago tell us about your parents and how they informed you yeah I grew up on the south side I know we've got some South siders and the south side of Chicago my neighborhood is like so many neighborhoods right we grew up in the 70s where there was mixed income and folks had jobs and they took care of their lawns and they planted flowers and kids went to school and they listened to adults so when somebody told you to get off their lawn and you didn't they were going to tell your mother and your mother wouldn't curse them out they would actually beat your behind we're not listening to visco and so you know we rode our bikes I had one of those banana bikes with the seats mine was white and purple with the big handlebars and the big deal was not just learning how to ride a two-wheeler but being allowed to ride around the block that was a big deal we had our corner store where you could get milk and bread we also called it the liquor store because they sold liquor but there were people who went there for liquor but most people went there for Wonder Bread and that's where your mother would send you and you could also get your penny candy back then I used to get for a quarter you could get a bag of candy including your Nile Eaters I don't know if you all knew and know anything about Nile laters it wasn't until I was like thirty that I realized that it was called now or later I just thought it was one word not later [Applause] so you'd sit on the front porch with your friends and there was a park down the street where there was a men's soccer softball league and I remember going to sleep to the sound of men cheering and playing sports but we were poor folks we lived in a home above a great-aunt because that's how we grew up on the south side everybody lived within a 5-mile radius I had cousins around the corner everybody lived with an elder so my grandmother lived with a with a nod my grandfather lived with an uncle and we were all a part of this big unit where you know you'd gather in one place in the gathering place in my family what South Side's house for those of you who ever at the book my maternal grandfather who was like the heart and soul of the family he was a lover of jazz and I would spend Saturdays with him and his dog Rex because I still wanted a dog my mother didn't let me have a dog but Southside let me have his dog and you've been watching former First Lady Michelle Obama in Philadelphia on her book tour for becoming her memoir has become the best-selling book of 2018 selling nearly three million copies since its debut in November she and President Barack Obama received about 60 million dollars in advance for their memoirs from penguin Random House now book TV covered five of her appearances the next one is from Brooklyn [Applause] we're in BK this is lyocell happening hey honey hello darling here we are thank you for being here I am so excited to be here we are gonna have another conversation let's talk that's right we have a lot to talk about very very very big night and where I wanted to start us off is thinking about this moment in your life here we are all of these people are in a stadium because of a book and so you know I have to start us there because there are so many ways that you have shared your knowledge your grace your power your inspiration with your individual communities starting with the people who love you up close and moving out in radiating circles to the whole world who you are up close is who you are writ large and that's an extraordinary thing to see and what I think is amazing about what you decided to do after the White House years is you decided to write a real book yeah you decided not to write a book that hit certain First Lady marks but rather a book that I want to tell you all and you have not yet read this book this is an important work of American literature okay this is a coming-of-age story a girlhood to womanhood story of finding your power story and ultimately a story that like so many great works of literature helps us know ourselves better so why did you decide that you wanted to write this kind of book when you did it was the only way I can write a book because for those of you who haven't read the book what you'll see as I started telling the story that the least important part of the book was the eight years that I was first lady that was just a part of a bigger story and for people to understand how I got there the context was important in my life because I know it's important in everyone's life you know the real meat of our lives come in those little moments that you see it in the first section in the section second section you know the stories about real life the real stories not your stats not you know where you went to school and how much money you make and what kind of occupation you have but it's it's it's sort of what are the sights and smells of your life you know who are the people that touched you you know what relationship did you have with your father what was your first fight you know what was your neighborhood like what did it feel like what were those sounds that's what makes us who we are that's what made me who I am so you don't understand Michelle Obama the first lady unless you understand Miche little Michelle Robinson who grew up on the south side in a working-class community we went to public school you know who had her ups and downs and you know here's the thing that I want people to understand it's like people are really interested in that part of our stories and and I wrote this book and hopefully as a way to let people know that we need to tap into the stories that we have you know and and and not only be willing to understand those stories to understand the journeys that we've all gone on to get us to where we are now but then you have to have the courage to share them because that's when you really know people you know that that's when you you can tap into their real essence and I and I hope by being as vulnerable about all of my life the highs and the lows the embarrassments the challenges the struggles that people would understand that that just opens you up to Who I am so there's no need to hide that stuff for any of us that's what connects us so my hope is that this book will inspire everyone to tap into their own journeys of becoming and to share those stories with one another and I think you know starting as you do on the south side of Chicago without side side with the left you say South Side but we're actually in New York so we can only say it a few times because then they'll start talking about the whole New York thing - Brooklyn everybody's got their neighborhood that's it my - happened to be the south side and that little girl who I loved so much who who I claim as the the childhood best friend in my mind a little Michelle Robinson was an amazing little girl and as you described her an ordinary extraordinary little girl like so many of us and that there are so many things about your life living within five blocks of cousins and extended family having those family members who are sometimes coming with their feelings or their anger or their outside miss but still they're part of the fabric of the family and listening as you write so beautifully to the sounds of striving yeah right listening to that all around you talk about that and about that that world well my neighborhood was like most neighborhoods you know not just in cities but in in rural communities you know you you we grew up with family and everyone lived with an elder I lived with my great-aunt I had another aunt who lived with a grandmother another couple of aunts and uncles live with my grandfather south side we all live in the same community and we grew up in a time when you respected your elders you know even in the neighborhood when you were playing around and if you ran over somebody's grass or did something wrong neighbor lady X was going to tell your mother hmm and your mother wasn't gonna curse her out for telling you she was gonna come home and beep your behind because you're supposed to listen to neighbor ladx you know and it was a community it was a it my my neighbourhood South Shore was a vibrant diverse community a working-class neighborhood where people own their homes it was it was a diverse until 2nd grade right before white flight set in that's when white folks felt comfortable sort of living with us in our neighborhoods and then people like us moved in and they they fled so you can see that in my class pictures in my early grade in kindergarten you can see that there are kids of all backgrounds and we all played together and we were at each other's homes and little did I know that people were whispering in their ear Realtors saying get out because this is turning into a ghetto you better run and by the time I was in eighth grade as you can see in this picture this the neighborhood was all all-black and that sort of sociological phenomenon of white flight has gone on in countries in communities all over the country and I stopped here because I I just want us to understand that in that time people were afraid of us right now let's just hold that thought because we we're sort of going through that right now where we are telling ourselves are being told that we need to be afraid of people who don't look like us who don't speak the same language or because somehow we are to be feared there were white folks who were afraid of Michelle and Craig and Marian and Frazier and Southside and I want us to hold on to that because that still goes on that sort of notion that people look at the color of your skin and they make assumptions about who you were they didn't know our values they didn't know that we were kids striving to be good that our father was hard work and they didn't care they were running from our race and we still do that so I grew up in what was a vibrant community but as it started to become more more more black you know we could see the deterioration and you could feel it you could feel it in the school system as people were taking money out of the schools you could see it and the attitudes of the school teachers towards us I could see it as a young child I I was that kid who would come home I came home from second grade just all disgusted at the fact that we weren't learning in the second grade I would come home and slide to mom we didn't get homework again last night yeah I don't know how we're gonna be prepared for third grade this is outrageous I was a bad kid and your mother wonderfully always said I wasn't raising children I was raising adults she was raising it though so she taught us to express ourselves and to speak our minds but to do it politely but at the same time she was a mother who fortunately because my father worked so hard allowed my mother to stay home from work so she was one of those handful of mothers in the schools who were looking out not just for her kids but for all the kids who didn't have parents who could be at home and she went up to that school and because she she heard my cry and she took my complaint seriously and I say this to say that parents can be advocates in some very powerful ways early on for kids when they're young and that wraps up book TV's coverage of Michelle Obama's book tour for her best-selling memoir be coming now if you missed any of the segments that we've shown you today or would like to see them again go to book tv.org watch them in their entirety this yearbook TV marks our 20th year of bringing you the country's top nonfiction authors and their latest books find us

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Length: 119min 4sec (7144 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 16 2018