-Hey.
-This is Mr. Scott. -Guilty.
Guilty as charged. -Ryan Howard,
from the temp agency. -Uh-huh. -Daniqua sent me down
to start today. -Howard, like Moe Howard.
Three Stooges. -Yep.
-Watch this. This is Moe. Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck.
Mee! [ Laughs ] Ah. Right here.
Three Stooges. High five. Oh, Pam.
It's a guy thing, Pam. I'm sort of
a student of comedy. She was once my girl,
and she is your girl now. -Wow.
-Yeah. -This is...
totally unnecessary. -You're not prone
to seizures? -No. It's really buzzing. -I don't even hear her
anymore. -Cool. Thanks, Michael. Don't thank me. Thank her. ♪♪♪♪ -Hey, Oscar!
How are you doing, man? -Alright.
-Did you have a good weekend
going, there? -It was fine.
-Oh, yeah. I bet it was fine [ Laughs ] Oh, hey,
this is Oscar... -Martinez.
-Right. See? I don't even know.
First-name basis. Oscar, you are very smart, and
you have a gigantic education, and I think of you
as my scarecrow, because you gave me
a brain. So, that's why
I made you this. -Thank you, Michael. It's beautiful. -[ Laughs hysterically ] It looks like... It looks like it was made by
a 2-year-old monkey on a farm. Okay. Kevin is a great guy. He's a great accountant. He is not much
of an entertainer. -Basically, there are two type
of Black people, and Black people
are actually more racist because they hate
the other type of Black people See, every time the one type
wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in
and makes a real mess. -OK. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. He's ruin--
He's butchering it. Could you just let me?
[As Chris Rock] Every time - Every time Black people
want to have a good time, some ignant-ass [bleep] I take care of my kid!
-Wait. Wait, wait. -[Bleep] always want credit for
something they supposed to do! -Stop it! [As Chris Rock]
What you want, a cookie? -Kevin, I have something
for you. -Oh! -You know who that is? -Oh... -Don't be a caricature, Kevin.
Never be a caricature. -Hey, we're not all gonna sit in
a circle Indian-style, are we? [ Laughter ] -Get out. -I'm sorry.
-No. This is not a joke, okay? That was offensive, and lame -
so, double offensive. This is an environment
of welcoming, and you should just
get the hell out of here. -Well, you know, Michael,
I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson.
You should look him up. -Okay.
-Great. -Alright. Was there anything
you wanted to add to the agenda? -Um...Me no get an agenda. -What? I'm sorry?
-I didn't get any agenda. -Well, I faxed one over
to you this morning. -Really? 'Cause I didn't -
I didn't -- Did we get a fax
this morning? -Uh yeah. The one. -[ Stammers ] Why isn't it
in my hand? Because a company runs on
efficiency of communication, right? So what's the problem, Pam
Why didn't -- Why didn't I get it? -You put it in
the garbage can that was a special
filing cabinet. -Yeah,
that was a joke. That was a joke that
was actually my brother's. And it was -- It was suppose
to be with bills. And it doesn't work great
with faxes, so... -Do you want to look at mine
-Yeah. Yeah. I would. Thank you. -No. In the beginning,
we were not good. -Well, there was a little bit
of a learning curve in the conversation department but between the sheets,
we were like Jordan and Pippin -Well, if there was anything
exciting about it, it was because we both knew
it was wrong. -Because we
worked together. -No. Okay. Imagine there's a princess
who falls for a guy beneath her station,
and the queen doesn't like this at all. And the princess knows that
the queen doesn't like it, and so it just makes her want to
do it all the more, just to get at the queen. -Am I the princess?
No. I'm the princess. And the queen. -Okay.
So, I'm the guy at the station -So you can't say for sure
whether it's gonna be us or them, can you?
-No, no, no, no, Stanley. No. You did not see me
in there with her. I said, "If corporate want
to come in here and interfere, then they're gonna have to
go through me." Right? You can go mess
with Josh's people, but I'm the head
of this family, and you ain't gonna be
messing with my chillin. Stanley, you love
your Sudoku and your puzzles I bestow upon you
my felt. May you never lose
the fun-loving quality in life -Where's the rest of it?
It's got no balls. -Well...Okay. -Hello.
-Ah. You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome. And you must be
Michael Scott. Aloha and...hello. -[ Laughs ] Very good! Welcome to our
little kingdom. Uh, we have a bag of
nifty gifties for you. -Michael, thank you
for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike -Oh. -Nifty!
-They are nifty! They're nifty gifties. Andy, who needs confidence
that he is a great salesman. I give you my clients --
our 10 most important accounts -Wow.
-Yeah, wow. -You know I'm the worst
salesman here, right? -But you're the best salesman
on the inside. -What does that even mean? -You sold us all on Andy -
a product that nobody wanted -I'm gonna lose them.
-You're not going to lose them -I promise you that I will
-Just do your best. I have faith in you. -Michael, I just lost
Porter Hardware! I just -- I lost them! -Okay. You know what?
Just do your best, buddy. -Josh Porter, Stanford.
-David. -Nice to meet you.
-And Michael Scott, Scranton -Nice to meet you.
-Ditto. How are you, Jan?
-Fine, Michael. Thank you. -Really, David,
I didn't get fired. -Well... Well, then, this is
a terrible decision, Michael I mean, if what
you're telling me is actually
the accurate truth, then don't do this. You are very, very lucky
to have a job. And Colorado? Between you and me,
Colorado is one big REI store. And nobody read books -- except if you count
that Joseph Campbell book they read over
and over again. Everybody's a racist. Women don't shave
their underarms. I mean -- -[Imitating Indian accent]
Kelly, how are you? -I had
the longest meeting. -Oh! Welcome to
my convenience store. Would you like some
googi googi? I have some very delicious
googi googi -- only 99¢¢, plus tax. Try my googi googi.
Try my googi googi. Try my googi googi.
Try my -- -Kelly. Kelly? Kelly.
-What? -If I just went away right now
would that be the best gift that I could give you?
-Yes. Please. Please go away. And stop using
that weird slow voice. -Other starters... Me, of course.
I heard it that time. -I'd like to play,
if it's just for fun. I played basketball
in school. -Um...Yeah. Who else?
We have Jim. Phyllis.
-Oh, they're still not done. -Oh, no no no.
Let me see. Oh, Phyllis. Nice try. I love them. -These are my
party-planning beotches. Pulled off an amazing
'80s party last year. Off the hook! So, I was thinking, if you
haven't already got a cake um, maybe going for one of
those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins.
Those are very good.
Very Delicious. -Meredith's allergic
to dairy, so... -She's not the only one that's
gonna be eating it, right? And I think everybody
likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh,
it's not just about her, so... -It is her --
-Mint chocolate chip! How bout
mint chocolate chip? -Was it just me,
or did you think we were going to have sex
at some point? -It was just you. -How would you
have wanted to do it? Okay, okay. You know what? Inappropriate,
because I am engaged, happily, and you -- you have
landed yourself a Senator. -State Senator.
-Mm-hmm. Bravo. -Brava. Do you want to see
some pictures? I just got these.
-Sure. -And this is the foreman,
Mista Ra-jahs. -That's not my real name.
-No. It's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs. -Darryl Rogers?
-Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege,
then Roger, then Mister Rogers. -Darryl,
I have one last wish. I would like
to use the bailer. -No. I can't let you
do that, Mike. -No problem.
-Sorry. -Worth a try.
-Alright. -Darryl said I could use
the bailer because I'm leaving -No. -And this is Roy.
Roy dates Pam -- you know, the, uh,
the best-looking one upstairs. You still getting it
regular, man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her
it's part of the job. Rapport. [ Slow clapping ] -Mike, you a rock star, man. You are the man. Well done.
-Alright. -That's that corporate booty
-He likes to hit it. -You were surprised,
weren't you? -Yeah.
-You looked freaked, man. We said "Surprise."
You were, like, "What?" "What the hell's
going on here?" Good cake.
Why don't you have some? -I can't.
-Come on. A little bit. -I can't eat dairy.
-Oh, right. Oh, God, too bad.
It's so good. -Yeah, it makes me sick. -You know what? If I
were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself, 'caus
this is way, way too good. -Do you need me? -Yeah. Meredith,
I actually thought that you and I were going to
have sex, as well. -Are you sure we didn't?
-No. We didn't. And I could not be
more proud of that. I am proud of you.
I am proud of us. I'm just... we made it.
Dodged a bullet. -Well...it ain't over
till it's over. -Goodbye, dear. -They told me I need
to let somebody go. And as much as I think
you're a great guy, and I like you,
you're. -- you're -- goodbye -Let's fight it.
-Hmm? -Let's call Jan,
and fight this thing together, like the old days.
-What old days? What are you
talking about? -Did you start
the paperwork yet? -It's right here
on the desk, yeah. -You don't have to do this
Michael. -I can't, I can't --
-Undo it! -See you tomorrow, boss.
-Later, guys. Ah. This is our
receptionist, Pam. Pam! Pam Pam! Pam Beesly. Pam has been with us for..
forever. Right, Pam? -Well, I don't know.
-If you think she's cute now you should have seen her
a couple of years ago. [ Growls ] -What? Michael has so many pictures
of his kids he had to get two phones,
with two numbers, and he pays two bills. He's just so happy
to have a family plan. -Whassup!
-Whassup. I still love that
after seven years. -Whassup! -Whassup! -Whassup! -Whassup. -[Strains, grunts] -Michael. I can't believe you came. -That's what she said. -Best prank ever. -How are things
at the library? -Oh. I told you.
I couldn't close it, so... -So, you've come to the master
for guidance? Is this what you're saying
grasshopper? -Actually, you called me
in here, but yeah. -Alright. Well, let me show you
how it's done. James Halpert.. you started
with this company... as a fine young man. -You know what I think
we should do? I think we should just save
the goodbyes for tomorrow -- at lunch. -Oh. Okay. -And then, tomorrow... I can tell you... what a great boss
you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had.
How did they both grow more hair?