Meet The People Who Can't Stop Shopping | Compulsive Shoppers | Our Stories

my name is jasmine harman and i know firsthand how devastating a compulsive disorder can be also in my life i felt like my mum's stuff was more important than me it was purely a compulsion that she couldn't control i've helped mum and people all over the country deal with their obsessive behaviour get rid i'm really proud of you now i've become interested in another secretive condition so you actually keep your living room locked compulsive shopping i don't know why but i can't stop myself we all shop of course but some of us shop much more than others i think i've spent about nine thousand pound just on shoes i will be out and then all of a sudden i see a bargain i forget really how much i'm spending it just continues to just buy and buy and buy things that we don't really need i explore what happens when shopping spirals out of control you really take on my life i don't like shopping but shopping likes me i can't even trust myself i discovered the roots of the problem run deep i haven't been in there since i put all the girls clothes in and the impact on shoppers and their families they do feel pushed out to be honest with you can be far greater than simply overspending i don't want to have shopping taken away from me because that would be like my whole world come to an end [Music] it's thought that as many as eight million people in the uk have a compulsive buying disorder shopping is my life like i live to shop i'm not married yet and shopping is like my husband like my companion i've been told about 30 year old dipner a self-confessed shopping addict capable of spending thousands in a single transaction i do feel as if it's out of my control i might not want to buy but i just buy it she's filled a wall of wardrobes with designer jewellery shoes blazers and bags this was 3 000 this was 1600 and the wallet was about 700 pounds i got credit cards that's probably the worst thing i could have done despite living at home earning 500 pounds a week teaching and writing about cookery and co-managing her dad's restaurant dipner is struggling to fund her habit i'm in about seven thousand five hundred pound debt these earrings are like two hundred pounds each two twenty two fifty when i can't go shopping depresses me i've cancelled work just so that i can go shopping i know that's not a good thing i can't imagine there being absolutely no shopping i don't know what i would do what else would i do if i didn't shop what would i have to look forward to nothing there'd be no life without shopping [Music] i don't think i've ever met anybody before who sees shopping as their best friend or their life partner you can't have a relationship with shopping it sounds silly doesn't it even to say it out loud but dipner really feels that that is the meaning to her life the trouble is she's getting into debt she feels depressed if she can't go shopping to me that sounds like quite a serious problem [Music] dipner already has more clothes than she could possibly wear but i see no signs of her slowing down how much did you spend yesterday oh 1 500 pounds i didn't want to but try and not think about it that's quite a shopping spree yeah most of the things she buys are pushed to the back of her cupboards and still have their labels on it's quite a lot there you haven't used yeah but then when you go to the shop and you see it it's just that moment and you're just like oh that's really nice or what the hell just buy it you're not in control you're not you're not really able to say no i'm not i'm not buying it no i'm unable to do that who's in control the little voice inside of me 600 pounds you look like you don't like them they're not my cup of tea is the honest truth but that doesn't matter yes i'm not going to be wearing them 485 pounds yes david i said to mom right that's it now i'm going to start saving up because i'm going to buy a car have you already got a car yeah but the car i've got is the old mercedes there's a new one coming out in a few months a new shape so i've got my heart set on that and it's really important to have the new shape yeah but now i'll take it on lease and then if i'm paying that off every month i know i'll have that pressure that might stop me from shopping so much because just might get you in more debt i mean does that ever cross your mind that you could stick with the old car and you could have the extra money every month to pay off your debt but i wouldn't you wouldn't why not i'll probably just use that money to like either shop more or i would go and get the car so the way you look at it is that that money you might as well use it on a new yeah might as well use a new cart before because otherwise you're going to use it on shopping yeah which makes sense no it doesn't i'm looking at all of this and it's actually mind-boggling to think how much money's worth of stuff you've got here yeah it's got to be like hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of stuff yes a lot of stuff [Music] on first meeting dipner you could be forgiven for thinking she is spoilt but actually the honest truth i think is that she is not in control i know from my work with hoarders that compulsive disorders govern the people that have them and i think that dipner could well be in that category [Music] not all shopping addicts get their fix from high priced purchases [Music] i'm on my way to meet a single mum ebony whose eye for a bargain is out of control and they still got the labels on them i don't even remember half the wigs i've got i have to say ebony lives in surrey with her son's river and chance how come she got all that blonde in your hair i dyed it ginger i think it looks pretty swag if you ask me oh please baby shut up their mum doesn't spend a lot of money but boy does she buy a lot of things whoa wow how many pairs of shoes do you think you've got um possibly a thousand now a thousand pairs of shoes but have you worn all of them they will be worn they will be worn i don't actually go out to buy shoes i will be out and then all of a sudden i see a bargain so are you saying that a thousand pairs of shoes happened by accident totally none of these shoes were planned does it not worry you i need to be more than 20 pounds if anything in any of these shoes i'm saving okay prime example these boots down here i got three pairs for a tenner they were such a good bargain i actually bought nine pairs of shoes nine pairs i did it was amazing i can't even express how fantastic it felt that day it's like an escape from your day's work or you know and financially you're okay with buying all of that stuff yeah because eventually i um pay off the debt so do you buy on credit cards i do how much debt have you got you've got about six grand okay but if i paid the full price at a thousand pounds that would be ridiculous it would be but it's already ridiculous as i said i don't plan to go shopping but i don't like shopping but shopping likes me i think it says come to me come to me secret storage compartment you are kidding me are you actually joking like how do you find anything just a couple of scarves and hats it obviously makes you feel good having all these things to hug in your bed oh there you go there's a missing void yeah replacing my man i don't have one and i'm sure this will give me more joy [Music] if i'm honest i find ebony a bit frustrating it's hard to know when she's being serious or not she doesn't see herself as a shopping addict because she doesn't even like shopping shopping likes her ebony hides the problem from herself by cramming bargains into every nook and cranny including a locked room i'm not yet allowed to look in at least ebony stops buying when the shops shut behind closed doors all over britain some compulsive shoppers feed their habits around the clock online when i wake up in the morning the first thing i think about is what i'm getting on that day [Music] 56 year old dean is addicted to online auctions spending more time with his computer than with his wife karen it's almost a full-time job for dean it could be eight hours a day because if something finishes at four in the morning he would stay up till four in the morning [Music] in one day i would buy probably 20 items maybe more oh god there's another two cameras in here it could be a new television uh it could be a car there's another camera here oh another camera candy floss makers sunglasses watches i forgot my that was kevin did you 30 40 couch that one that's brand new that one and does he wear them he does no not really some of these clothes are quite expensive um goodness knows how much money i've spent on them i wouldn't like to count up really oh with tags on never even be more not even been worn there i'd like to buy guitars equipment hawaiian shirts uh a caravan in fact he did bid on boat but fortunately we didn't win that because we know where to put it i mean he did have five cars at one time you've got that this was a toy no i thought i was buying a metal big safe for a good price it's not got a clue off your love when i bid i really get excited it's the thrill of the win i think it's it's like gambling in a way i suppose and if somebody was to outbid him by five ten pounds he'd be beside himself we could have bought a small house by now yeah it's quite embarrassing really i feel embarrassed about it dean and karen have been married for less than two years karen's under no illusion as to where she comes in relation to shopping he spends an awful lot more time now than ever and i do feel a little bit pushed out to be honest with you as if ebay gets more attention than i do so yeah it has got out of control i would prefer to shop than go to the pictures or go to an event it's taken over my life it's really taken up my life and i just think about all the time [Music] dean squirrels away a lot of his buying in different storage locations across yorkshire but still their home has become unbearable for wife karen prompting a drastic move to a bigger property in the same village as you can see as we've just moved and these are all the boxes i've come to find out more well it's got to the stage where we couldn't have anybody over to stay even the grandchildren because we couldn't get to the bed all the things i bought was on top of the bed with nowhere else to put them we had to move really well you couldn't just sort of maybe get rid of some of this stuff the postman has like a satchel doesn't it yeah then he went to a little trolley and then it got that bad he had a little van he has to come with a van now when he's bringing all my parcels your solution is to keep putting things in storage and keep buying a bigger house and moving to a bigger house a bigger house dean's already filled every cupboard in their new house his purchases are spilling into the spare room you've just got a few here oh these are just all brand new unused never come out the plastic yeah i've never even took them out with the some children's watches we've got an awful lot of sunglasses as well yeah i'm sure we've got a suitcase full of sunglasses a suitcase full of sunglasses i would imagine it's that one i think dean when you're buying a watch online what's going through your mind it's just a case of buying them and do you have plans for them to put them in this box what happens is that you'll get things on ebay so you'll leave it on your desk for a while so i'll put it in one of the boxes and then you'll forget all about it and that's how it starts to stack i see so for you the excitement is actually that moment of purchase yes sometimes i'd say i'm bidding on something and i think oh god that's just going to go in the spare room [Music] what's inside this house is the tip of the iceberg because he's got storage full of cheap tacky plastic junk for want of a better word sunglasses oh i've forgotten all about those the dean doesn't care about he doesn't even know what's in those boxes and so it seems really pointless but still he can't stop dean spends eight hours a day glued to online auctions but i'm not sure he really knows how much money as well as time he's wasting so show me some of the type of things that you're looking at online at the moment all right at the moment i've just bid on this one and i've won this for the kitchen there it is we can look at the pictures now i think 51 pounds which i think i've got a bag in there and so how do you feel having just won that fantastic it's like scoring the goal of football i suppose it's it's that thing that you get you know that elation of uh of winning the bid how much do you reckon you spend like each week or it goes into i'm not sure because i don't really but the fact that you have absolutely no idea about how much you've spent not not worrying to you at all um i have an overdraft at the bank so dean's oblivion to his spending is staggering hopefully karen can shed some real light on his finances [Music] do you know if dean's in debt yes he is definitely do you know how much yes are you willing to share i think it's 15 000. really right [Music] that makes this situation a lot more serious it does i really do worry that if dean carries on the way he's been going he is going to do irreparable damage to not only his finances but also to his relationship because it must be so hard for karen to just have to put up with it on a daily basis when it's completely unnecessary [Music] i really want to help all three of the compulsive shoppers i've met so i've come to one of the few medical institutions in the uk that identifies the damage shopping addiction can cause i'm hoping to find some answers from lead consultant for addiction dr nile campbell i have seen lots of patients who have significant shopping problems and it's not recognized by the medical profession as a serious symptom um the the harm that's done and the consequences are enormous particularly the financial consequences and then the amount of time that they spend doing it instead of being with their family interacting with other people being with friends i think it's a huge issue and we've got our head in the sound about it with the people i've met a lot of them don't really see their shopping as a problem sometimes even defining themselves by that's just what i do and there seems to be an element of denial is that quite common it's massive the key is recognition like any other addiction that there's something wrong and if people actually acknowledge the fact then they can reach some sort of solution could you liken compulsive shopping to drug addiction or alcoholism or gambling we see a lot of similarities with those kind of addictions when people shop and buy things they can get a little bit of a rush and that's probably a bit of a dopamine rush like um one that people get when they score drugs or when they put a bet on and people will say well yeah i felt a bit better brought it home but then there's a big downward surge when they they feel guilty about it so it's you know it's a um there's a negative aspect to it which is why we often think of it as an addictive thing are there any practical steps or exercises that someone who's addicted to shopping could use well compulsive shopping we see as a symptom of many conditions so the therapy is aimed at what unhappiness from the past what unhappiness currently about relationships your situation then trying to change that it's about what's behind it [Music] so this is where the rest of your stuff's hidden is it this is our storage space i don't have enough room dances my future husband better have a big house that's all i'm seeing so where did your love of shopping begin i think i blamed my mum and dad because as a child they spoiled me whenever i used to go out with mum she always used to buy us something when dad was with us she was taking the take us in the shop and say right guys get what you want would you say that you're addicted to shopping yeah for sure what makes it an addiction the fact that i can't stop and i think if i did ever stop or someone did try and stop me i i don't think i would be dip nine i wouldn't be where i am today if i didn't so you would lose your identity yeah i think i would because there's a lot more to you dipping than just shopping there is i think me as a person i love children and i think if i had if i ever had kids which i will i'm sure in the future um i think that will make me you know forget shopping because my love of kids is even more extreme than my shopping so yeah that makes me feel kind of sad i think she's lonely and i think the shopping is almost a replacement for having someone in her life to love and to cherish and so instead she loves and cherishes all these other material things [Music] i've decided to pay diplo's father gulu a visit at his restaurant to see what he thinks of his daughter's shopping and her views about what might have started it she told me a bit about her upbringing and she pretty much had everything that she wanted and do you think that has made her worse uh i would say i am to blame a little when we got married you know we were longing for a child i'd been uh going to temples to shrines we waited nearly six six years and our prayers were answered that was the proudest moment and i wanted to get her anything she said she was like a little princess she still is how does it then make you feel that dipner says shopping is her partner and shopping is the biggest thing in her life i think that is not a very serious problem drinking is a serious problem or drugs is a serious problem than shopping but if dipner is addicted to shopping could that not be just as dangerous or as harmful and as limiting to her life as drinking or taking drugs no i don't think so she's a free person that's how i can put her but is she gulu because dipner has said to me that she would love to have children and that she thinks if she had children she wouldn't need to be shopping so much because she would have something else to fill her time but by spending so much of her time and her energies and her efforts and her money of course shopping is she preventing herself from getting to that point she's taking her time to getting the right person and of course i think once she gets married she will then realize how she's got to maintain her lifestyle things will change i think you know in a way what she's doing is how she is okay so i cannot change too much of that talking to dipner's dad so many little things kind of fall into place but i don't think he really got the fact that the shopping could be getting in the way of dipner living her life and moving forward with her future it feels to me that because shopping is universal something we all do it's all too easy for compulsive shoppers and their families to bury their heads in the sand [Music] i'm going to see ebony today and i'd like to get to the bottom of what is going on because it's all fun it's all a game but i think that's a veneer [Music] i'm hoping she'll let me see what she stores in her secret room and open up enough for me to understand why she's filling her house with so much stuff how are you i've actually got some really good burgers actually yeah definitely what kind of things electric blankets electric blankets how many did you get uh five and a few other little bits and pieces oh go on tell me what else i got two jackets three clocks i had a pair of shoes but my foot was hurting me so i had to go and buy a pair i've got this really nice bra knicker set a cd free those donuts three crusts ones oh and now i see why so you've got three packets of each yes they were reduced absolutely i only went out for tortillas and some mayonnaise what happens then you go out to buy tortilla you come back with so much other stuff i don't know i didn't even want to stop but if i don't inspire myself no one's going to spoil me so i might as well do it so when you buy things for yourself what are you doing there oh what am i doing i'm making myself feel happy for a little while why don't you show me where you're keeping your stuff you seem like you really don't wanna i really don't want to go into this room because it's a complete mess i really don't think so you actually keep your living room locked yeah okay okay so you store quite a lot of stuff in here no no i'm supposed to be decorating i'll try and find someone to help me decorate and um you're planning to decorate well i bought three sets of wallpaper i'm not quite sure which one to put where people just bought three sets of wallpaper without knowing where they're gonna go yeah but there was only two pound fifty each i just wonder if sometimes you get swept up with an idea and you buy all the stuff to go with it like the wallpaper and the paint because it's on a discount and then whatever it is you're planning to do with it doesn't materialize it's the wrong way around i see the bargains i'll buy the bargains when i bring them here i think what can i do with it and then i do something with it right the other way around so it's completely driven by the you seeing a bargain yeah and you think i've i've bought it now i've got to make use of it yeah what about all this lot some of my tools underneath they're just as good as shoes really yeah absolutely ah this is new what is it it's an angle grinder do you have much use for naming grinder yep i will be be using it very soon i see more toolboxes more yeah more tools it's just dawning on me the size of what you're dealing with on a day-to-day basis when you're going out and you're tempted to buy something it's not just one type of thing no there's another toolbox down now and does it matter if you use them or not or if you need them or not i always use tools eventually it's a really sad situation actually i was totally not prepared for that i thought she's a girl who likes shoes she likes jackets she likes clothes straight forward but she's got these projects that are on the go but they're not really ever getting started what's in there then um some more tools and now seeing everything makes me realise this is much bigger than i realized in the beginning and definitely a much bigger issue than she realizes herself at the moment [Applause] in yorkshire it's dean's favorite time of the day i have quite a lot coming today and it's a big excitement it's a little buzz that i get that every morning i'm here and i'm waiting for him so i never know what's coming karen sees things differently [Music] i'm just thinking oh my god how much what is it do we need it steps really because it's a waste of money that's money that we could be doing something constructive with hi there thank you [Applause] one two three four five six seven eight nine ten today it's like christmas it really worries me to be honest with you on a daily basis i'm trying to find where to put things it's exciting is it i can't get into this one what's this blueway oh wow but i want to see what else i've got as well so you can take that are you bored with this one now a little bit but we'll see what's in this one now i'll put that over there it's the bidding and the winning and then opening the pre the parcels for the like presents to him i think i think that's probably how he looks at them um but it is it's just that thrill the hawaiian shirts is something that i do buy and i do collect them as like my watches and my guitars and things that is actually essential that because everything has to match i don't think that'll even fit dean that's out dean's mind now today's purchases he's on tomorrow's it's gone up i've still been outbid so i'm going to go up to 15 pound and 9p now just continues to just buy and buy and buy and i'd say 75 of the items that we receive are things that we don't really need want or require i'm the high bidder i'm winning the bid yay dean's on his fourth marriage i really want him to spend more time with karen and rediscover the world outside of online auctions [Music] i'm asking him to try something he's never done before go cold turkey delete ebay okay come on there you go i feel like i've lost my hand a bit he's surprised i'm really surprised that you've actually done it i bet you are yeah think of all the time that you're gonna have to yourself i know well i will want to and time more time for you as well that'd be nice dean's agreed to try and stay off the auction site for three weeks i think the hardest part of not going online is i do it it's just automatic for me we could be sat watching tv but i'm always on there looking at what's happening but that's going to be the hardest part not not having it there outside of me dean will be starving himself of a habit he's fed eight hours a day day in and day out for years but it's like a little break this isn't it's like just getting out we need to make more time to do something like this because for a cup of coffee and a sandwich yeah there's nowhere near as much as you spend to help dean i've suggested he uses some of the time freed up from shopping to get rid of the stuff he's stored in friends garages and warehouses all over yorkshire by selling it at a car boot i actually bought this from ebay to try and learn the keyboards it had all the things on there all the different notes i think i bought at the time on the whim really just to i think i played it once a lot of it's just a load of rubbish really isn't it by facing up to the things he's buried in boxes i hope to open dean's eyes to what's truly important well these these bring back some memories now look amongst piles of discarded purchases dean stores memorabilia from his past life as an 80s pop star that's me with flat lace there they just mean so much when you look back on your life what you've achieved and done and so i'm upset that they've just been put into a box and closed up and put away in storage and the other things are in material really they're not you know they mean nothing when you open that up and find what used to be i brought it to my eye that did i know you shouldn't always live on your past but it is just lovely memories of of my life [Music] as dean's pop starred and waned online shopping filled the gap it's seductive stuff and easy to see how without it his life feels empty another day this is getting harder and harder not to go on to be honest i had a sneaky look on yesterday but i did manage not to to buy anything in west london i want to see if dipner might be up for a similar challenge not just to stop shopping but to think about why she shops and how else she might spend her time say three weeks three weeks yeah because i think that would be enough time to you know it'll be a challenge but it would be enough time to see how it affects you three weeks is a very long time three weeks is a long no that's like that's unrealistic two weeks i could still two weeks you think you can do yeah and how will you go about avoiding the temptation to shop i'd have to find something to do yes exactly that is exactly what you have to do go on a couple of dates it doesn't sound as exciting as shopping but yeah dipner may be laughing now but as i leave her to it i know it's not going to be easy today my first proper day i really need to buy something and it's getting me down this i don't know making me a bit depressed i guess right now it just feels like i haven't been shopping for ages and it's actually starting to piss me off it's making me pretty grumpy 20 miles away in waybridge i've suggested a slightly different strategy for ebony from kitchen blenders to garden tools ebony gets her bars from bargains going out for one thing and returning with multiples of anything on offer i bought three of these teddy bears and i bought four of these little mini ones but she's cluttering up her house and her life with stuff she doesn't need and can barely afford so i've asked her to write a shopping list and stick to it okay everything that i need from one shop i do have to visualize the shops so uh dog food but despite best intentions just one second it seems she soon falls back into old ways let me show you what i bought nine pound team and what did ebony find it for 50p and yes i did buy more than one 50p i'm sorry but there's just no way i am going to walk past them when i caught up with ebony two weeks later i quickly realized she'd fallen off the wagon big time that's new really yeah 40 inch flat screen tvs and tablets don't come cheap bought a couple of those i urgently needed a filing cabinet right so you've got two of these so i ended up with two of these one and one of these yeah so that's new as well i'm not sure the shopping list idea helped at all so ebony given everything you've just showed me all the shopping that you've done have you got a shopping problem oh my god that's a hard question and you're looking for a one-word answer i don't think i have no and even with all the discussions and being aware of everything you're buying all of that hasn't altered the way you look at your shopping not really no that's what i'm saying i'm still doing the same shopping i'm not not doing the shopping i'm still it hasn't got me to a stage where i'm so guilty that i'm actually stopping the whole point of having a shopping list is not to make you feel guilty if you buy something that's off the list it's just to to see if you yourself can remain focused and aware of what you are going out to buy yeah and how easy it is for you to get less astray and come back having spent 200 quid on a new tv it's not about going and spending you know a couple of quid on stain remover for the for the kid's shirt i don't see i think you're wrong because at the end of the day if the whole exercise is that i supposed to stick to the list then it doesn't matter whether it's a spray but you've just proved to stick to the list whether it's a spray or whether it's a tv or whether it's i've done it i've done it i've gone out with the list does it give me a bath no because i've just gone in there i've got what i have to do and then i've gotta go to work then i've gotta come back do all the so there's nothing exciting in my life i'm not going out partying i haven't got a partner please tell me where is my little bit okay so was that shopping list exercise pointless in your opinion yeah a little bit you could say if ebony doesn't have a problem with her shopping who am i to argue but it's not just ebony that her compulsive shopping effects knock knock guys you're right how's it going can i sit down so tell me what do you two think about your mom's shopping it's ridiculous way too much she shops so much what do you think river oh yeah it's just like crazy she always like grows out just like buys random stuff that she never uses just no she doesn't have the money for it and if she's not gonna use it what's the point of buying it it's weird not being able to go to certain places in my own house because there's too many stuff in there what would change if you were able to get the living room um sorted and cleared just the fact that we would have an actual house instead of a giant like storage system i'm determined not to give up on ebony it's three weeks since i asked dean to go cold turkey from his beloved online auctions i've been thinking about dean quite a lot since i last saw him and you know it seems really sad that you know he did so many things and had you know all this fame and fortune and now he's a person who would rather stay in and shop online rather than go out with friends or with his wife and socialise and you know that sort of turnaround is it really puts things into perspective so how have you been since i last saw you i have kept my promise yes i have although i've had a look i've been a sneaky look at something that uh a rolls-royce i was looking at uh because karen said you can't have one so i didn't bid or anything but he used to have a rolls royce many years ago when i lived in spain but i can't afford one anymore so that's gone it's like a lot of your shopping is because of memories from the past yeah how i used to live dean's made another big step not only has he not bought anything new he's getting rid of much of the stuff he already has i'm wondering what karen makes of the new dean what's he been like the last three weeks when he's not been going on fine shopping he's been a little bit like a lost boy really yeah and after um you'd been here last time there were still parcels being delivered 10 days later and it was things he'd forgotten that he'd ordered but he's lost interest it doesn't even go to the letterbox for the letters now we've eaten out a lot so that's been nice so it's had more time i think he secretly has realized that he's got a little bit of a problem going on here and it's opened his eyes quite a lot [Applause] oh wow gosh so much isn't it i'm just sorting everything out what we're going to keep and what we're going to take to the car boot yeah so they're all memories scrapbooks and things so i'll keep those dean international cabaret that's when i used to do the cruise ships so you must miss that life of making records and yeah i miss being on there and you know in the limelight if you like i think there's one thing to save things but i think it's another thing entirely being dependent on bidding on something and winning it for that little rush of yeah of happiness that it gives you and when you get you know huge success or you get recognized in the street or you know you've got fans coming after you that must give you that same little buzz it does yeah it must be on a much larger scale yeah you know when you win a bid is it like a round of applause yeah i suppose it is really when yeah it's like getting that round of applause i think that's probably what it is that little bit that might be is why i do that then when you say it in that way yeah yeah like you said it's just stop you going back to this in the in the future i don't think i will but why don't you think you will i just don't think well do you think i will now do you really i mean um i think it'll just slowly get back well i don't think so i think i can do it i think and i've realized now [Music] i really hope dean can prove karen wrong for her sake just as much as his in west london after two weeks without shopping dipner's lost no time returning to old habits whatever happens with her shopping no matter how much she shops she's always going to have a roof over her head there'll be food on the table she's going to have a car to drive so really she feels that there's nothing to lose whereas when i look at it i see that what she's sacrificing for shopping is actually a future [Music] it's having the life that she really wants the perfectionist in dipner rose to the challenge but she clearly didn't enjoy it i was a bit depressed on some days yeah i was a bit down when i was busy i was still myself and i was still happy there were just times when i was moody and a little bit depressed and i think those times especially when i was left alone when i came home from work and no one was here think about what you just said it was when you came home there was nobody here and you were on your own do you not think that maybe that comes from loneliness you know you're 30 years old and you live at home which is fine but you've said that you'd like to get married you'd like to have a home of your own is the shopping not just standing in the way of you doing those things that you want to do no i i don't think so because even tomorrow if i did get married i don't think i would stop shopping completely it would still be a part of me because you know something i love to do but i would never let shopping kind of stand in the way when i meet mum i realise dipner's shopping covers up a much bigger fear than of being single do you think shishma that dipno will find it hard to adapt to not being with you together with the hand on my hand that should find difficult more than the shopping living me i mean leaving the house that's what's stopping us from getting married i think are you okay yeah does it upset you it's almost like nicer to just stay here with mum and dad and not have to really grow up and pay bills and get married and leave the security of home if i could i'd give up shopping tomorrow so long as i could stay you know with mum and dad forever it's really interesting because it seems like your main problem is not shopping it just comes out in shopping but actually the underlying thing that's going on is that you don't want to leave home can't i can't even think about the day when i have to leave home like i just can't think of it without getting upset but she has to go one day it's hard isn't it [Music] it's that lovely safe bubble yeah where i feel the safest most secure to begin with i really thought that her shopping was holding her back and preventing her from moving on with her life if the day comes when dipner feels ready to leave home and get married and have a family of her own and at that point maybe her shopping will subside because she won't rely on it so much she won't need it anymore but i think until that day comes dipner will keep shopping because she's clinging on to her childhood while dipner seems desperate to keep hold of what's familiar ebony wants nothing more than to escape her everyday life today i am here to help ebony do some clearing she's overwhelmed by all the different projects that need doing by the decorating by the clutter by the garden and so she goes out and when she goes out she ends up shopping and bringing more stuff back to the house and i think that for a lot of people and ebony being one of them the state of your home quite often reflects the state of your mind and so i think clearing the decks and making some space will be also really important mentally for her i've persuaded ebony to recycle some of her clutter including some of the many things she's bought and never used oh well we've got our work cut out for us today haven't we are you looking forward to this yeah i'm too happy i'm trying to hold it down don't hold it down what do you want to start with don't mind this let's just go for it and then i just throw it all away first piece to go yes sorry happy you're so happy right now it's not laughing see boys doesn't this feel much better is it nice to have the kids helping ah yes but you know they're only willing because you're here you're serious i swear chance is it true your mum said that if i wasn't here you wouldn't be helping yeah i told you why wouldn't you help pay for this no you don't get paid for it wow i think we might need another skip i know and we haven't even gone to the shed yet we haven't even touched the shirt we've hardly even scratched the surface of the garden ebony has put off clearing her shed for several years i know i've got quite a few baby stuff in there how long have they been in there since they were babies no it wasn't for them you know because i miscarried um a couple of them you know i started getting the stuff you get all excited once three months is up this is quite a few years back now a couple of years back a few years so i haven't been in there since i put all the girls clothes in i've just bung them at the back there and i know there's a cot in there and baby walkers and so there's a lot of baby stuff in there so let's go go [Music] i didn't realize that ebony had had a miscarriage so going through the shed where she's kept all of the baby stuff is going to be really hard as well and so it's kind of understandable that she's put it off and actually going shopping is one way of filling her time and just avoiding doing all these things they're a bit overwhelming a to do it on your own and b to go back and relive those painful memories [Music] all right let's get the cut out at least let's get the cots out [Music] you just can't get over it that you are able to [Music] i can't do it i thought i'd be able to just you know just i think i'm going to have to keep that one yeah you my darling you have got an absolute heart of gold and you're keeping everything going for everybody else you should be really proud of yourself i hope ebony can see the positives of what she's achieved today [Music] that's nuts isn't it oh my gosh it's like a big brick has been taken off my shoulder nice it's really liberating stuff hanging around yeah just yeah just throw it oh but when you look at it do you also partly think what a waste because that's all stuff that i've bought yeah it is a waste but i'm not in a rush to do it again so are you not no it's been a really good exercise in that way this has been a good exercise i've had a shopping list but this is definitely a good exercise have you also learnt that there are much greater pleasures in life than the buzz of going shopping of course there is of course so today it totally beats the buzz of shopping totally absolutely 100 one day you can't change a lifetime of habits but one day can inspire somebody you know for ebony today has been way better than any shopping trip i'm not sure she'll ever resist the lure of a spur of the moment bargain altogether but at least she knows there are bigger buzzes out there i'm keen to know if it's the same for dean in yorkshire whether four weeks after i last saw him he's been able to confound karen's doubts and stay clear of online auctions i'm very careful what a bag i mean i've not bought anything off from ebay since since we spoke last that's progress yes it is yeah when we first met you were quite reluctant to even go out and socialize because you had bids that were finishing and you needed to watch in and whatever yeah yeah so how how has stopping online shopping changed your life i think it's brought karen and i closer together i think we spend a lot more time together time that you wouldn't have had that's right yeah good questions have been chopping on there what did karen say well she said it's better now your computer and everything else is in there and we sit in there without any any interruptions that we can communicate well together and i can honestly say that i'm not addicted anymore which is great amazing yeah i'm in a different place now i'm really proud of dean and really happy for karen i've learned that for compulsive shoppers a disorder that masquerades as a harmless pastime can in reality be addictive and dangerous used to combat underlying unhappiness it ends up contributing to it what i've realized is that when people who shop compulsively acknowledge that they've got a problem and begin to understand the reasons why they shop then there is hope and with the right help they can reclaim their lives [Music] do [Music] you

Channel: Our Stories

Views: 34,470

Keywords: Our Stories, Documentary, Observational Documentary, Real Stories, Full Episode, Full Length Episodes, Full Documentary, Fly On The Wall, Yearbook, Real Life, Documentaries, Real Lives, Behind The Scenes, compulsive shoppers, jasmine harman, mental health, adicted to shopping, shopping addict, mental health documentary

Id: 6W6zs9m5NAM

Length: 57min 53sec (3473 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 01 2022