Meanwhile... Has Elon Musk Lost The Faith Of Tesla Owners?

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<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN! ♪ ♪ ♪<i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> JON-- >> Jon: AAAH! >> Stephen: JON, WE'VE GOT A GREAT-- WE HAVE AMAZING GUESTS TONIGHT. THE WE HAVE BOB WOODWARD AND ROBERT COSTA FROM THE BOOK "PERIL." I CAN'T WAIT. I-- I-- I JUST-- SPOILER: DON'T TELL ME HOW DEMOCRACY ENDS. NOW, IT'S A GREAT BOOK, THOUGH, VERY ENJOYABLE. "ENJOYABLE" IS NOT THE RIGHT WORD. GRIPPING, I CALL IT A GRIPPING READ. I CAN'T WAIT TO FINISH IT, BUT IT'S PRETTY UPSETTING. JON, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU OUT AT THE EMMYS. >> Jon: YES, YES. >> Stephen: YOU AND OUR GUESTS TONIGHT-- >> Jon: GOOD TO BE THERE. >> Stephen: YOU AND OUR MUSICAL GUEST TONIGHT LEON BRIDGES DID A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL RENDITION OF HIS SONG. THE NAME OF THE SONG IS AGAIN? >> Jon: "RIVER." >> Stephen: "RIVER" FOR ITS IMMEMORIUM REEL. I WAS PROUD TO SEE YOU UP THERE. IT WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFORMANCE. <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> Y'KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME OVER THERE CAREFULLY ASSEMBLING THE MOST TOPICAL VIRTUOSO WIND SECTION, TUNING THE VIOLAS, CELLOS, AND CONTRABASS TO THE COUNTRY'S ZEITGEIST, AND WAVING MY CONDUCTOR'S BATON IN THE TEMPO OF HUMOR TO PRESENT FOR YOU THE SPECTACULAR BRAHMS CONCERTO IN SATIRE MAJOR THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP IN A FUGUE STATE BEHIND THE ABANDONED VIDEO STORE, STEAL A GARBAGE CAN LID AND A BROKEN UMBRELLA HANDLE, THEN GRAB AN EMPTY CAN OF P.B.R. I'VE BEEN USING AS AN ASHTRAY TO FASHION A RUSTED KAZOO, ALL TO CREATE THE 2-IN-THE-MORNING ONE-MAN-STOMP SHOW OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: >> "MEANWHILE!"<i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).</i> >> Stephen: IT'S A SHOT IN THE ARM IS WHAT IT IS. IT'S A SHOT IN THE ARM TO A WEARY NATION. MEANWHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND EVIDENCE OF HUMANS MAKING CLOTHES 120,000 YEARS AGO, WHICH MEANS WE CAN FINALLY DATE THE FIRST-EVER "WHO WORE IT BEST." MEANWHILE, AFTER SEVERAL ACCIDENTS WHILE ON AUTOPILOT, SOME TESLA OWNERS ARE LOSING TRUST IN ELON MUSK'S PROMISES OF "FULL SELF-DRIVING," WHICH IS EMBARRASSING FOR MUSK, WHO HAS PUBLICLY BRAGGED, "IF YOU BUY A CAR THAT DOES NOT HAVE THE HARDWARE NECESSARY FOR FULL SELF-DRIVING, IT IS LIKE BUYING A HORSE." AND A TESLA IS NOTHING LIKE A HORSE, BECAUSE A HORSE CAN MOVE ON ITS OWN WITHOUT CRASHING INTO A SUNGLASS HUT. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> MEANWHILE, A FLORIDA MAN FED UP WITH POTHOLES PLANTED A BANANA TREE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> I GOTTA SAY, I DID NOT EXPECT THAT HEADLINE TO END WITH FLORIDA MAN DOING GENEROUS PUBLIC WORKS. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE, "FLORIDA MAN FED UP WITH POTHOLES FILLS IT WITH EX-WIFE'S PHOTOS AND DEFROSTED CHICKEN WINGS BEFORE SETTING IT ON FIRE WITH HAIRSPRAY." <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i> SURE. FLORIDA MAN. MEANWHILE, AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND, IS CURRENTLY UNDER LOCKDOWN WITH FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS CLOSED, AND YET, NEW ZEALAND COPS HAVE ARRESTED MEN ENTERING THE LOCKED-DOWN CITY WITH LARGE AMOUNTS OF ILLICIT K.F.C. OH, NEW ZEALAND! THAT'S WHAT COUNTS AS ILLICIT FOR YOU? IN AMERICA, WE GOT METH-HEADS GETTING BUSTED FOR COOKING VIAGRA BATH SALTS. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> VIAGRA BATH SALTS: THE MOST TERRIFYING BONER YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i> APPARENTLY, THESE KENTUCKY FRIED BANDITS WERE ATTEMPTING TO SMUGGLE IN THREE BUCKETS OF CHICKEN, A BIG STASH OF FRIES, AND TEN TUBS OF COLESLAW. TEN TUBS OF COLESLAW?! ARREST THEM FOR THAT! WHO LOOKS AT MAC AND CHEESE AND MASHED POTATOES AND SAYS, "EH, YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD GO FOR? WET CABBAGE." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BOB WOODWARD AND ROBERT COSTA.
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Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Views: 875,529
Rating: 4.8249598 out of 5
Keywords: The Late Show, Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Steven Colbert, Colbert, celebrity, celeb, celebrities, late night, talk show, comedian, comedy, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, hollywood, famous
Id: Lf-LkJhKVhk
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 4min 18sec (258 seconds)
Published: Wed Sep 22 2021
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