Fox News Bans Rudy Giuliani, Arizona "Audit" Humiliates Trump and GOP: A Closer Look

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The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the light, the future is.

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/churchofbabyyoda420 📅︎︎ Sep 28 2021 🗫︎ replies
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-Rudy Giuliani has reportedly been banned from Fox News, as both Rudy and the network face defamation lawsuits from the election technology company Dominion over the big lie, spread, in large part, by Giuliani, a lie that was disproven yet again by a GOP-funded audit in Arizona that blew up in their faces. For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ Before we get into the state of our politics here at home, we're going to do something a little different tonight and talk about the results of yesterday's election in Germany. Now, stay with me, here, because this is a little complicated. The center-left Social Democrats, or SPD, led by Olaf Scholz, the vice chancellor and former mayor of Hamburg, narrowly defeated the conservative bloc, or CDU/CSU, led by Armin Laschet, his party's successor to Angela Merkel. But, in order to form a government, they'll need to engage in coalition talks with smaller parties, such as the Greens and the Free Democrats, to reach a majority in the Bundestag, which would lead to Germany's first-ever [ Alarm blaring ] Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa! Is that a Rudy Giuliani news alert siren? The siren we had installed in the studio to tell us whenever something funny happens to Rudy Giuliani? Wally, throw out all the cue cards about Germany. -Nein! -What?! -Sorry, sorry. Oh, I meant, do you want me to throw out all nine of the cue cards about Germany? [ Laughter ] I see what you did, there, Wally. Okay. Let's see what Rudy's up to. -Fox News has reportedly suspended former President Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, from appearing on any of its shows. -His favorite TV outlet has reportedly banned him. He's been benched for almost three months, in part, because of the vote counting conspiracy theories that he pushed, which, of course, have ballooned into lawsuits against both him and Fox News. -They banned Rudy from Fox News? That's like banning a turtle from its shell or banning the Turtle from the Nike store. [ Laughter ] -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -Two weeks until the audience is back. Got to get our fringe references in while we can. And is there any better proof "Entourage" wasn't a true representation of Hollywood than how off they were about who would play Aquaman? I mean, Momoa uses Vinny Chase to pick the kelp out of his teeth. Back to Rudy. I mean, forget the interviews. If he's banned from Fox News' greenrooms, where's he going to sleep? He can't go back to his own place. The feds probably took his bed when they raided his apartment because, knowing Rudy, he wrote incriminating notes on his sheets when he couldn't find any paper. [ Laughter ] And I'm betting he lived off that little plate of nuts and dried fruit they put in the greenrooms. Probably tried to steal them from the other guests. [ As Giuliani ] Diamond, Silk, I thought you left. There's reason I have your granola bars in my pockets. You know me, Diamond, Silk. [ Laughter ] Anyway, that was fun, but I should get back to the election in Germany. After all, Angela Merkel led that government for 16 years and really ushered in an era of -- Oh, who am I kidding? Fox News banned Rudy! I've never been in a Fox News studio, but I've heard that, if you go to one, pretty much any hour of the day, you'll see Rudy Giuliani slouched in the corner, asleep, drool on his chin and a tote bag full of OTB betting slips in his lap. In fact, sometimes he's still in the shot when the next guest is on. [ Laughter ] Now, Fox denied that Rudy was banned, but, in doing so, they found a way to wound his ego, yet again. They said he's not technically banned. They just don't want him. -Fox News is disputing a report that Rudy Giuliani and his son, Andrew, have been temporarily banned from the network's airwaves. Politico reported a three-month ban, but Fox News says that just isn't the case. Deadline reports that the network just hasn't found Rudy Giuliani relevant in recent coverage. -I'd use the old showbiz expression and say Rudy can't get arrested, but I'm pretty sure he can get arrested. I mean, damn, it's one thing to ban him because you're afraid of the Dominion lawsuit, but to tell him you just don't want him anymore? It's like breaking up with a boyfriend and telling him, "No, it's not because my mother doesn't like you. You're ugly and bad at sex." [ Laughter ] Now, lest we forget, Rudy is a real human being, with real feelings, and not, as he appears, a fictional goblin Italian grandmothers threaten children with if they don't brush their teeth. [ Italian accent ] The Giuliani is going to give you cavities! [ Laughter ] You want to have-a teeth like the Giuliani?! Just in the bottoms? [ Laughter ] And Rudy was apparently deeply emotionally affected by this news. A source close to Giuliani told Politico... Does Rudy think Rupert Murdoch cares about his hurt feelings? If Rudy so much as tried to speak to Murdoch at a dinner, Murdoch would simply nod to one of his henchmen and have Rudy thrown into a watery pit full of crocodiles. [ As Giuliani ] Why are you taking me to the pools? I don't have my swimming trunks. [ Laughter ] Well, I'm sure -- While I'm sure getting Fox News on Time Warner was a huge deal at the time, it now sounds like the shadiest of "Sopranos" B-plots. [ Italian accent ] Rudy's mad because he helped us out with that Time Warner thing, free pay channels and the like. [ Laughter and applause ] But, perhaps the biggest sting of all was not the banning itself, but when, and how, Rudy found out and what show he was banned on. -Giuliani was banned for nearly three months, but he only learned of the move the day before he was set to appear on "Fox & Friends" on September 11th. -Imagine getting told you're not credible enough to appear on "Fox & Friends." That show doesn't exactly have the highest journalistic standards. You remember how, every so often, there's an octopus who predicts what teams are going to win the Super Bowl or the World Cup? "Fox & Friends" has it on to talk about masks in schools. [ Laughter ] And then, there's the timing. Rudy was reportedly told of his ban the night before the 20th anniversary of 9/11, which might be why Rudy seemed so, let's say, out of sorts the next day at what was supposed to be a solemn 9/11 memorial dinner and ended up turning into an incoherent rant about how he never partied with Prince Andrew. -I know Prince Andrew is very... questionable now. I never went out with him. [ Laughter and applause ] Never! Never. Never had a drink with him. Never was with a woman or a young girl with him. Ever, ever, ever. One time, I met him in my office; and, one time, when we had the party, right, Bernie? You were there. [ Laughter ] You weren't there? Oh, [bleep] [ Applause ] [ Laughter ] -Huh. So weird, TV networks wouldn't want this man on their shows. "So, Rudy, just a reminder today. We really want to stress we just want you to talk about how Biden's vaccine mandate is tyranny." [ As Giuliani ] You got it. I'll also throw in how I never partied with Prince Andrew. "No, just leave that out entirely." Good idea because I did party with him one time. And another time, it was in my office. But don't worry, I'll explain it all once you put me on TV. "Don't explain it all. Just don't bring it up at all." I'll bring it up no more than five to seven times. [ Laughter ] Now, I'm obviously not a Fox News programing exec, but maybe the decision to ban Rudy had something to do with Rudy being, I don't know, an insane person who's under criminal investigation and facing a billion-dollar defamation lawsuit and who routinely confesses to things unprompted, especially when he's on Fox News. -Did you read the transcript? -Let's say it was read to me. -It was read to you, the whole thing? -I hope. It's all here, right here. The first call from the State Department. Here's Kurt, saying, "Great. I will tell Yermak and he'll visit with you there. Thanks." I don't know about it. I didn't hear it. -Forget the whistleblower. We have the transcript -Shh! Shh! -of the call and the president's remarks. -Shut up, moron! -I would assume you know the libel law, then. -Shut up. Shut up. -Okay, hold on. -You don't know what you're talking about. "What's this guy Romney like?" You know what I told them? He's our Al Gore. -Alright, Rudy. "I'm Spartacus. I'm Spartacus." -By the way, Biden's been off the trail. -Mueller saying, "Obstruction of justice." You cut everything out. "Obstruction of justice." Which, the guy will say, "Say obstruction of justice." "Obstruction of justice." Did you decide it? "No." -Maybe they cut him because his impressions weren't good enough. Looks like someone needs to go to... [ Laughter ] Actually, never mind. He'd definitely do sloth. Or maybe he's banned because he regularly went on Fox and showed off other people's incriminating texts and emails and phone calls, and nonsensically waved around random pieces of paper, like a guy in Times Square trying to convert you to some weird religion you've never heard of. "Would you like a free stress test? Have you heard the gospel of Gerlax?" But, of course, it seems like the real reason Rudy was banned probably has a lot more to do with a simple financial and legal calculation. You see, Fox is currently the target of a $1.6 billion defamation lawsuit from the voting machine company Dominion, which is also suing Rudy personally for spreading baseless conspiracy theories about how their machines were supposedly rigged and Rudy played a big part in spreading those lies. -As he's gotten more evidence of the rigging that went on he's really outraged. It's way beyond what people think, including a very, very dangerous foreign company. A company that has close, close ties with Venezuela and, therefore, China. It's a radical left company. One of the people there is a big supporter of antifa. Our votes are sent overseas. This is another attempt to try to defeat him by illegal means. -If you were on a flight next to someone talking like that, you'd asked the attendant for a parachute. Our votes are sent overseas? Is he confusing ballot boxes with Nermal? -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ [ Laughter ] For Nermal? Alright. [ Laughter ] So now that he's been banned from Fox News, Rudy has to resort to more obscure outlets, like Steve Bannon's podcast, which I'm guessing is recorded on a desert island after a shipwreck, where Rudy claimed falsely that everything he said on Fox has been verified. -There's a story on Rolling Stone and Politico that says you're on double secret probation over at Fox, and I don't think people know this -- Fox did not allow Rudy Giuliani on Fox News, on "Fox & Friends," on the morning of September 11th. Now, they tell you you've been on some secret probation over there that nobody knew about? Can you just comment? -It's really strange that I'm on probation at a time in which just about everything I said is being corroborated. -[ Laughs ] -And they actually are reporting all the things they claim I misled them about. And, every night, they're now, one night after another, we're corroborating one thing, like this Arizona thing corroborates one of the things they would've said, a week ago, I was misleading them about. -I doubt they called it double secret probation when they told him about it. Rudy probably used that term and then, they just went with it. [ As Giuliani ] This sounds like double secret probation. "Whatever you want to call it, Rudy." That's what the queen put Prince Andrew on. Not that I know him. I've never partied with the man. Oh, wait. There was that one time. [ Laughter ] Bernie, you were there, weren't you? Oh! You weren't? [Bleep] [ Laughter ] No, the scam GOP-led Arizona audit did not corroborate what you said. In fact, it found the exact opposite. The audit, which was designed to fabricate nonexistent evidence of fraud, blew up in Trump's face by proving that Biden actually won by more votes than we previously thought. -The results are now in after that very expensive audit of the 2020 election in Arizona. The Republican-led effort tonight showing that President Biden actually won by even more than originally thought. -It wasn't what they were hoping for. -We'll get this show on the road, so to speak. -In the end, the Arizona Republican audit found 99 more votes for Joe Biden and 261 fewer for Donald Trump. Republicans in the legislature admitting today that their controversial, month-long partisan review of the votes had found, in the end, that, yes, Joe Biden won Arizona. -So Trump and the Arizona GOP were humiliated after they spent millions to hire a group of right-wing tech weirdos called the Cyber Ninjas, which sounds like an off-brand action figure your grandma would buy you at the dollar store. [ Southern accent ] The man says they're just as good as Transformers, except they don't turn into anything and you can't get them wet. They only take watch batteries." [ Laughter ] As you'll recall, the Cyber Ninjas went to insane lengths to find evidence of fraud, like when they used UV lights to scan ballots for bamboo fibers, and all they ended up doing was proving that Biden won Maricopa County by even more than we originally thought. Maybe Trump and the GOP will just have to keep bringing in crazier right-wing groups with dumber and dumber names, until they finally get the results they want, like the Robo Rockets or the Digi-Pirates or the Crypto Cowboys. I mean, this is what happens when the right-wing fantasy world of unhinged conspiracy theories collides with reality. Fox News wants to fend off a lawsuit from Dominion and they know Rudy's bat[bleep] crazy conspiracy theories can't hold up in court. Even the Trump campaign and GOP senators themselves knew that, as we found out last week, and now, the scam GOP audit in Arizona has proved it once again. And, yet, as part of their relentless effort to destroy democracy and discredit the very notion of free and fair elections, Republicans are insisting on pursuing more sham audits, in states like Pennsylvania. But the same thing's going to keep happening to them that happened in Arizona -- they're going to look for evidence of fraud and, when it backfires on them, they're going to say... -Oh, [bleep] -This has been "A Closer Look." [ Laughter ] ♪♪ God's Love We Deliver cooks and brings over two million meals a year to men, women, and children living with HIV/AIDS, cancer, and other serious illnesses and they need your help, now, more than ever. If you're watching this online, you can hit the Donate button. Stay safe. Get vaccinated. We love you.
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Channel: Late Night with Seth Meyers
Views: 2,047,313
Rating: 4.8289919 out of 5
Keywords: NBC, NBC TV, television, funny, talk show, comedy, humor, stand-up, parody, snl seth meyers, host, promo, seth, meyers, weekend update, news satire, satire, A Closer Look, Fox News, Bans, Rudy Giuliani, Arizona, Audit, Humilates, Trump, And, GOP, Seth Meyers, Seth Meyers A Closer Look, Current Events, Gods Love We Deliver, Politics, News, Political News, Political Satire, World News, Donald Trump
Id: HK0SCcNPlO8
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 13min 13sec (793 seconds)
Published: Mon Sep 27 2021
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