-Rudy Giuliani has reportedly been banned from Fox News, as both Rudy and the network
face defamation lawsuits from the election technology
company Dominion over the big lie, spread,
in large part, by Giuliani, a lie that was
disproven yet again by a GOP-funded audit in Arizona
that blew up in their faces. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ Before we get into the state
of our politics here at home, we're going to do something
a little different tonight and talk about the results of yesterday's election
in Germany. Now, stay with me, here, because this is
a little complicated. The center-left
Social Democrats, or SPD, led by Olaf Scholz, the vice chancellor
and former mayor of Hamburg, narrowly defeated the
conservative bloc, or CDU/CSU, led by Armin Laschet, his party's successor
to Angela Merkel. But, in order
to form a government, they'll need to engage
in coalition talks with smaller parties,
such as the Greens and the Free Democrats,
to reach a majority in the Bundestag,
which would lead to Germany's first-ever [ Alarm blaring ]
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa! Is that a Rudy Giuliani
news alert siren? The siren we had installed
in the studio to tell us whenever something
funny happens to Rudy Giuliani? Wally, throw out all the
cue cards about Germany. -Nein!
-What?! -Sorry, sorry.
Oh, I meant, do you want me to throw out
all nine of the cue cards about Germany?
[ Laughter ] I see what you did, there,
Wally. Okay. Let's see what Rudy's up to. -Fox News has reportedly
suspended former President Trump's
personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, from appearing
on any of its shows. -His favorite TV outlet has reportedly banned him. He's been benched
for almost three months, in part, because of the vote
counting conspiracy theories that he pushed,
which, of course, have ballooned into lawsuits
against both him and Fox News. -They banned Rudy from Fox News? That's like banning a turtle
from its shell or banning the Turtle
from the Nike store. [ Laughter ]
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪ -Two weeks
until the audience is back. Got to get our fringe references
in while we can. And is there
any better proof "Entourage" wasn't a true
representation of Hollywood than how off they were
about who would play Aquaman? I mean, Momoa uses Vinny Chase to pick the kelp
out of his teeth. Back to Rudy.
I mean, forget the interviews. If he's banned
from Fox News' greenrooms, where's he going to sleep? He can't go back
to his own place. The feds probably took his bed
when they raided his apartment because, knowing Rudy, he wrote incriminating notes
on his sheets when he couldn't find any paper. [ Laughter ]
And I'm betting he lived off that little plate
of nuts and dried fruit they put in the greenrooms. Probably tried to steal them
from the other guests. [ As Giuliani ]
Diamond, Silk, I thought you left. There's reason I have your
granola bars in my pockets. You know me, Diamond, Silk. [ Laughter ]
Anyway, that was fun, but I should get back
to the election in Germany. After all, Angela Merkel
led that government for 16 years and really ushered in
an era of -- Oh, who am I kidding? Fox News banned Rudy! I've never been
in a Fox News studio, but I've heard that,
if you go to one, pretty much any hour of the day,
you'll see Rudy Giuliani slouched in the corner,
asleep, drool on his chin and a tote bag full of OTB
betting slips in his lap. In fact, sometimes
he's still in the shot when the next guest is on.
[ Laughter ] Now, Fox denied
that Rudy was banned, but, in doing so,
they found a way to wound his ego, yet again. They said he's not
technically banned. They just don't want him. -Fox News is disputing a report that Rudy Giuliani
and his son, Andrew, have been temporarily banned from the network's airwaves. Politico reported
a three-month ban, but Fox News says
that just isn't the case. Deadline reports
that the network just hasn't found Rudy Giuliani relevant
in recent coverage. -I'd use the old
showbiz expression and say Rudy can't get arrested, but I'm pretty sure
he can get arrested. I mean, damn,
it's one thing to ban him because you're afraid
of the Dominion lawsuit, but to tell him you just
don't want him anymore? It's like breaking up
with a boyfriend and telling him, "No, it's not because my mother
doesn't like you. You're ugly and bad at sex." [ Laughter ]
Now, lest we forget, Rudy is a real human being,
with real feelings, and not, as he appears,
a fictional goblin Italian grandmothers
threaten children with if they don't brush their teeth. [ Italian accent ] The Giuliani
is going to give you cavities! [ Laughter ] You want to have-a teeth
like the Giuliani?! Just in the bottoms?
[ Laughter ] And Rudy was apparently deeply emotionally affected
by this news. A source close to Giuliani
told Politico... Does Rudy think
Rupert Murdoch cares about his hurt feelings? If Rudy so much as tried
to speak to Murdoch at a dinner, Murdoch would simply nod
to one of his henchmen and have Rudy thrown into a watery pit full
of crocodiles. [ As Giuliani ]
Why are you taking me
to the pools? I don't have my swimming trunks. [ Laughter ]
Well, I'm sure -- While I'm sure getting Fox News
on Time Warner was a huge deal at the time, it now sounds like the shadiest
of "Sopranos" B-plots. [ Italian accent ]
Rudy's mad because he
helped us out with that Time Warner thing,
free pay channels and the like. [ Laughter and applause ]
But, perhaps the biggest sting of all
was not the banning itself, but when, and how,
Rudy found out and what show he was banned on. -Giuliani was banned for nearly three months, but he only learned of the move the day before he was set
to appear on "Fox & Friends" on September 11th. -Imagine getting told
you're not credible enough to appear on "Fox & Friends." That show doesn't exactly have the highest
journalistic standards. You remember how,
every so often, there's an octopus who predicts what teams are going to win
the Super Bowl or the World Cup? "Fox & Friends" has it on to talk about masks in schools. [ Laughter ]
And then, there's the timing. Rudy was reportedly told
of his ban the night before the 20th
anniversary of 9/11, which might be
why Rudy seemed so, let's say,
out of sorts the next day at what was supposed to be
a solemn 9/11 memorial dinner and ended up turning
into an incoherent rant about how he never partied
with Prince Andrew. -I know Prince Andrew is very... questionable now. I never went out with him. [ Laughter and applause ]
Never! Never. Never had
a drink with him. Never was with a woman
or a young girl with him. Ever, ever, ever. One time,
I met him in my office; and, one time, when we had
the party, right, Bernie? You were there. [ Laughter ] You weren't there? Oh, [bleep]
[ Applause ] [ Laughter ]
-Huh. So weird, TV networks wouldn't want this man
on their shows. "So, Rudy,
just a reminder today. We really want to stress
we just want you to talk about how Biden's vaccine
mandate is tyranny." [ As Giuliani ]
You got it.
I'll also throw in how I never partied
with Prince Andrew. "No, just leave that out
entirely." Good idea because I did party
with him one time. And another time,
it was in my office. But don't worry, I'll explain it
all once you put me on TV. "Don't explain it all.
Just don't bring it up at all." I'll bring it up no more than five to seven times.
[ Laughter ] Now, I'm obviously not
a Fox News programing exec, but maybe the decision
to ban Rudy had something to do
with Rudy being, I don't know, an insane person who's
under criminal investigation and facing a billion-dollar
defamation lawsuit and who routinely confesses
to things unprompted, especially when he's
on Fox News. -Did you read the transcript? -Let's say it was read to me. -It was read to you,
the whole thing? -I hope.
It's all here, right here. The first call
from the State Department. Here's Kurt, saying, "Great. I will tell Yermak and he'll
visit with you there. Thanks." I don't know about it. I didn't hear it. -Forget the whistleblower.
We have the transcript -Shh! Shh!
-of the call and the
president's remarks. -Shut up, moron!
-I would assume you know
the libel law, then. -Shut up. Shut up.
-Okay, hold on. -You don't know
what you're talking about. "What's this guy Romney like?" You know what I told them? He's our Al Gore. -Alright, Rudy. "I'm Spartacus. I'm Spartacus." -By the way, Biden's been
off the trail. -Mueller saying, "Obstruction
of justice." You cut everything out.
"Obstruction of justice." Which, the guy will say,
"Say obstruction of justice." "Obstruction of justice." Did you decide it? "No."
-Maybe they cut him because his impressions
weren't good enough. Looks like someone needs
to go to... [ Laughter ]
Actually, never mind. He'd definitely do sloth. Or maybe he's banned
because he regularly went on Fox and showed off other people's
incriminating texts and emails and phone calls,
and nonsensically waved around
random pieces of paper, like a guy in Times Square
trying to convert you to some weird religion
you've never heard of. "Would you like
a free stress test? Have you heard
the gospel of Gerlax?" But, of course, it seems like
the real reason Rudy was banned probably has a lot more to do
with a simple financial and legal calculation. You see,
Fox is currently the target of a $1.6 billion
defamation lawsuit from the voting machine
company Dominion, which is also suing
Rudy personally for spreading
baseless conspiracy theories about how their machines
were supposedly rigged and Rudy played a big part
in spreading those lies. -As he's gotten more evidence of the rigging that went on he's really outraged. It's way beyond
what people think, including a very,
very dangerous foreign company. A company that has close,
close ties with Venezuela and, therefore, China. It's a radical left company. One of the people there is
a big supporter of antifa. Our votes are sent overseas. This is another attempt to try to defeat him
by illegal means. -If you were on a flight next to someone talking
like that, you'd asked the attendant
for a parachute. Our votes are sent overseas? Is he confusing ballot boxes
with Nermal? -♪ Oh, yeah ♪ [ Laughter ]
For Nermal? Alright. [ Laughter ] So now that he's been banned
from Fox News, Rudy has to resort
to more obscure outlets, like Steve Bannon's podcast, which I'm guessing is recorded on a desert island
after a shipwreck, where Rudy claimed falsely that everything he said on Fox
has been verified. -There's a story
on Rolling Stone and Politico that says you're on double
secret probation over at Fox, and I don't think
people know this -- Fox did not allow Rudy Giuliani
on Fox News, on "Fox & Friends," on the morning
of September 11th. Now, they tell you you've been
on some secret probation over there
that nobody knew about? Can you just comment?
-It's really strange that I'm on probation at a time in which just about everything
I said is being corroborated. -[ Laughs ]
-And they actually are reporting all the things they claim
I misled them about. And, every night, they're now,
one night after another, we're corroborating one thing,
like this Arizona thing corroborates one of the things
they would've said, a week ago, I was misleading them about. -I doubt they called it
double secret probation when they told him about it. Rudy probably used that term and then,
they just went with it. [ As Giuliani ]
This sounds like
double secret probation. "Whatever you want
to call it, Rudy." That's what the queen
put Prince Andrew on. Not that I know him.
I've never partied with the man. Oh, wait.
There was that one time. [ Laughter ]
Bernie, you were there,
weren't you? Oh! You weren't?
[Bleep] [ Laughter ]
No, the scam GOP-led Arizona audit did not corroborate
what you said. In fact, it found
the exact opposite. The audit, which was designed to fabricate nonexistent
evidence of fraud, blew up in Trump's face by proving
that Biden actually won by more votes
than we previously thought. -The results are now in after that very expensive audit of the 2020 election
in Arizona. The Republican-led effort
tonight showing that President Biden
actually won by even more
than originally thought. -It wasn't what they were
hoping for. -We'll get this show
on the road, so to speak. -In the end,
the Arizona Republican audit found 99 more votes
for Joe Biden and 261 fewer for Donald Trump. Republicans in the legislature
admitting today that their controversial, month-long partisan review
of the votes had found, in the end,
that, yes, Joe Biden won Arizona. -So Trump and the Arizona GOP
were humiliated after they spent millions
to hire a group of right-wing tech weirdos
called the Cyber Ninjas, which sounds like
an off-brand action figure your grandma would buy you
at the dollar store. [ Southern accent ]
The man says they're just
as good as Transformers, except they don't turn
into anything and you can't get them wet. They only take watch batteries." [ Laughter ]
As you'll recall,
the Cyber Ninjas went to insane lengths
to find evidence of fraud, like when they used UV lights to scan ballots
for bamboo fibers, and all they ended up doing
was proving that Biden won Maricopa County by even more
than we originally thought. Maybe Trump and the GOP
will just have to keep bringing in crazier
right-wing groups with dumber and dumber names, until they finally get
the results they want, like the Robo Rockets or the Digi-Pirates
or the Crypto Cowboys. I mean, this is what happens when the right-wing
fantasy world of unhinged conspiracy theories
collides with reality. Fox News wants to fend off
a lawsuit from Dominion and they know Rudy's bat[bleep]
crazy conspiracy theories can't hold up in court. Even the Trump campaign and GOP senators themselves
knew that, as we found out last week,
and now, the scam GOP audit in Arizona
has proved it once again. And, yet, as part
of their relentless effort to destroy democracy
and discredit the very notion of free and fair elections,
Republicans are insisting on pursuing more sham audits,
in states like Pennsylvania. But the same thing's going
to keep happening to them that happened in Arizona --
they're going to look for evidence of fraud and, when it backfires on them,
they're going to say... -Oh, [bleep] -This has been "A Closer Look."
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