Matt Chandler - Terrible Years of Marriage

so um I want to jump to something you said earlier someone you talk about a lot obviously is Lauren yeah and you've put you've you've said publicly you know on numerous occasions sure first seven years of your marriage were terrible terrible and if she was here she would she would Amen that she went terrible don't don't hear it was terrible for me she was lucky she had no it was terrible for all of us all involved what why what what was going on yeah you know what it's and this might sound maybe even trivial or trite to whoever is listening or watching this but so my background as a guy growing up in a home where I can't earn the approval of my father regardless of what kind of athlete I am regardless what kind of student I am he just didn't know how to relate to me not because of me honestly but because of his own issues so I had like these deeply embedded insecurities and and so I was almost looking for her to reject me and then she's coming from this background where it's Church every weekend you make you look pretty even if you're not pretty and I honestly didn't quite know how to do that and and so she was if she was here chime this is what she would say she she had a tendency to be careless and to be self-absorbed and so if you put my sweet bride who is self-absorbed into house with me who's insecure that self-absorption and insecurities put in a house together is toxic and that's what it was it was always it was it was this kind of it seemed like an this cycle that just wouldn't stop where we do well for a couple of weeks and we get right back into the same old argument and and so that was for seven years and there were literally nights where I laid in bed and I thought surely they said in the rest of my life because divorce was never on the net me was just never going to happen and so so I mean I would think and out I mean I literally pray okay Lord is this this how you're gonna say is this how you're gonna knit me to yourself because everything else was going gangbusters I mean if I let it it blew up and and so kind of that thing that kind of hooked into me and pulled me into the Lord was two things one it was my merits it was difficult and two it was the fact that everything else was going so well and that made me nervous what was the turning point well I think there were two things the the first thing was I wanted to not try to be the holy spirit for Lauren and I just wanted to work on my own heart so like the lie I believed that made you know what probably could have been two years turned into seven years was instead of going I need to help Lauren understand what she's doing wrong that makes me feel the way I feel I was literally that's how what I was trying to do let me help her understand how when she does this it makes me feel like this and when I feel like this then I act like this which leads to this that was literally default position of my heart for six years then at six years I went know what I need to do is I need to work on me I need to just something's misfiring in me there's some sort of disjoint in me like I don't I don't know why that bothers me I don't even make sense that it bothers me and so men I went funny I mean I'm a pastor and growing organizations that I'm leading and just went to a biblical counsellor I said I need help I don't know how to navigate this I'm trying but I don't know how and and really started to just let someone Shepherd me in my own heart let someone lead me to see things in a way that I wasn't able to see him at the time and and really when I just started working on me like it now a sudden Lauren wasn't getting confused by my weirdness and she was able to see herself more clearly and then Lauren began to take some steps to work on her own heart and so it was amazing that when I quit trying to be the Holy Spirit for her when I quit trying to say this is what I need you to do in order for me to be happy but but really just said I'm gonna love and serve her regardless I will not demand reciprocity if I get reciprocity then praise God but I'm not going to demand it I'm just going to love and serve her like Ephesians 5 tells me to and and that'll be that and I'm going to trust the Lord to be my strength and I'm gonna find my contentment not in my wife I'm gonna find my contentment in the Lord and and by His grace and through some biblical guidance I started walking that path and then Lauren started walking that path and and man the turn has been I mean just best friend in the world can't wait to get home hate to leave in the morning and even today I got I got to the office today at 6:00 for a meaning and man just I just took a mean like a little 10-minute Rick got in my car ran home gave her kiss got back in the car came right back to that I mean just this is we're in a beautiful season how long how long did that turn take you know when when things are difficult just those little increments feel like I mean they feel like a hundred miles you know and so I you could feel year-seven was a significant significant year for us and then it's just leaps and bounds ever since and and I think both of us can default back into old modes but we kind of know what's going on in our heart in that moment so I know if I have this thought okay that thought isn't consistent with reality and it's not consistent with the Word of God that's my insecurities that's my flesh then I can line myself up with what the Word of God teaches and approach my wife with the gentleness and service that the Lord would call me to how many years is abend now Marik will celebrate 15 next month

Channel: BlazeTV

Views: 160,500

Rating: 4.9267116 out of 5

Keywords: TheBlaze

Id: 2k_FlrMFF-8

Length: 5min 51sec (351 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 08 2014