Marriage, Mental Health & The Market Place

[Music] thank you [Music] I have couples here that need no introduction go ahead go ahead go ahead and I'm going to ask some hard questions and I asked them to be open honest transparent and vulnerable so we all can heal because none of us in this perf in this room are perfect I have this saying that God created inside of the Dust because he always knew we were going to be Dusty so we're Dusty okay no matter what you put on how you dress it up there's areas in your life that need Improvement and that's your mental health and let me break down mental health for you simple definition of mental health is how you live how you love and how you laugh that's your mental health and so that's what we're going to talk about how you live okay how you show up in the marketplace how you make your living how you love that's relationships and not just romantic relationships or spousal relationships but your family your friends things that you're connected to and then lastly how do you laugh how do you enjoy life amen all right so we just gonna go ahead and get in it y'all ready we can always count on Pastor Sarah right it's too late lock the doors lock the doors it's too late so I got some questions here for you I'm gonna start off easy we're gonna ease them into it she she doesn't know she's ready we're gonna ease it can you tell us I'm a newlywed well am I am I a newlywed how long are your newlywed just a year okay two years two years well I'm a newlywed and but I was married before I was married for 18 years and I didn't do everything right in that marriage amen but God gave me a second chance and I said God if you give me a second chance to be skinny I won't miss I mean married I won't mess it up that too but we're talking about marriage right now I said if you give me a second chance I won't mess it up and he's a god of a second chance and so I want to ask you all of you what are the top three things that makes your marriage work thinking about your history but also thinking about your destiny where you're going what are the three things that make your marriage work I'll start off by saying that my favorite city is Vegas so now I feel comfortable because I was I was nervous my wife and I always say and we can collab on this we always say that we're not experts we're just experienced because I think that when you enter a relationship um because a person is the way they are then you spend the rest of the relationship trying to change them into you and and the difference between the two of you is they are them and you are you and so you don't enter a relationship uh assuming the position of transposing a person to acquiesce to your thought processes our conflict resolution Styles because one of me is enough in the world but two of me in the same house um is is overkill so not looking for offering yeah you give it I agree I mean I think communication is huge which no one told me the first time around because this is also another chance for me and no one's told me how important communicating is and it's on all aspects one thing my husband did shortly after we got married is he sat down and he has this this notebook and it's leather and it just looks like you business right so whenever this notebook comes out I'm like oh God here we go I don't know what's about to happen so it's like this old school leather notebook he brings it to the table and he says what's our goal for the next month the next three months the next six months and it went all the way to five years I have never ever like in a relationship in a partnership ever sat down and done our goals that way and it was it was like an eye-opener to me because I I was raised in a household where my dad had the table conversation we had family meetings if me and my sister had an argument or anything we were having a family meeting and Keon did not so I would want to talk about everything and Keon in his mind I say babe let's talk he's like oh God you know it was like a panic came over him and I just want to talk everything out but to set goals with him and we have what we call a contract and a commitment to where we can always go back to that page and say this is what we committed to you know even if it Alters or change we talk about it so I think communication to answer your question one of the things is communication for sure and that gives accountability and stability which for women stability is one of our needs so thank you Pastor Keon thank you a little more stability is that we have to do it on Wednesday and I don't know Sarah please don't do it don't do it Sarah we do it on Wednesday because I figure if she can't remember for a week it might not be that important so we do it on Wednesdays and then we give each other 10 minutes of uninterrupted conversation so she gets to go 10 minutes I can't sigh I can't breathe hard I can't respond I can't tell her what I think and then the reverse is true and then here is the kicker part then we have to ask the person's permission um to respond to it and you can say I'm not in a position at this moment to respond to that effectively huge I actually teach couples that you have to ask permission because you dropped something that may have been marinated in your spirit but it's news to them and they can't answer off the cuff and they need a minute or 10 to think about that that that's amazing that's amazing look at Sarah so let me walk on over here let me walk off all right yeah wow what a powerful what a powerful tool you've given us 10 minutes uninterrupted talking no sighing no huffing no eye rolling wow wow I can't control my facial expressions so we would have to have like a wall in between us because baby one thing imma do is put it on my face luckily I rarely have any reason to do that look at her look at her she putting on them faces right now so I think our three things that have helped me in US I think I'm going to say constantly striving to have a healthy relationship because I think the health of a relationship is on a scale depending on what's happening in our world what's happening in our lives and I think much like maybe the stock market when we look at it over time we're like oh this has been healthy but there are some moments where it does feel like is this healthy are we moving in a way that is conducive for both of us but I will say my three things are space for ourselves so space for yourself that means that you are a person outside of this unit and taking the time to do the things that you enjoy I think have been really helpful for us he has his things I have my things space to be a mess because if you come from traumatic experiences or you've been in codependency in the past when a person is going through a bad day at work or something in their family system has come up it's very easy to internalize that as like what did I do is there something wrong with me but trusting that if there's an issue in our relationship that he has the ability and I have the openness to hear it and if he doesn't bring it up is something that's happened about us then he has space to have a bad day and space to you know have things go wrong at work so space to be yourself space to be a mess and space to grow because we're constantly changing as we're coming to stuff like this we're being exposed our dreams are being more defined and more distilled in who he was yesterday who he was when we first met almost 10 years ago is not the same person that he is now and so I have the ability and the desire to constantly get to know him so space to be a mess space to be yourself and space to grow all right she came up with the Trinity look at God I think for me I don't I'll try to come up with three but we're like really friends like we I think that that marriage is a house it's like a house and a house has a lot of different rooms in it you know it's got your living room where where you're just chilling and you're out in public and so it's not so public in the sense of your house you have your bedroom hey [Applause] um you have your office you have your backyard you have whatever and so I think what works for me is that I don't have to live in a particular room all the time they're going to be some Seasons where where Romanticism is not going to be high because we're focused on work or we've got something happening with our kids and to have a broad enough marriage where you can live in different spaces and it'll be okay because then that makes if I'm living in the living room or up in my office or whatever it makes the bedroom more exciting when we're in the bedroom and so being broad enough to not make your marriage one thing and to make certain that you marry somebody that you can have a whole bunch of rooms with you know we do business together but we don't do business in the bedroom kinda but but you understand what I'm saying it's it's it's yeah but but it's it's get out I got my brother do you need a minute do you need a minute I'm okay now I think okay we got a good little break between now and then but but um so so a broad house sometimes we're in the French but to make certain that the Friendship room is is a full-time room like so no matter what we're going to be friends like this is my dog like like we high five we laugh we I mean she's really my friend but I think maybe because the house is big and there are multiple rooms maybe that's my three that's my three that's your three yeah bedroom amen amen it's holy it's holy and undefiled uh but no but I think that that's a big enough one to keep the country going and what I love is because I actually use that analogy when I'm doing premarital counseling it's a house marriage is a house and you have different rooms yeah yeah so I'm hiring come on come on but marriage is a house and you have different rule uh rooms and you have different rules for each house and sometimes people can look at the people on stage and look at your social media and think everything is perfect for you and that you never have conflict that you never you know are in the doghouse or anything like that so dispel that that myth how do you handle conflict in your relationship yeah so you talked about houses we actually have these three frames because he makes everything a sermon y'all watch that's right what what that's why I always let him go first usually I like to go first because mine don't be as good that's right I'm gonna be like we we just make it happen and then he gonna come with go babe go say it all sister you got this oh yeah okay okay you got this you got it all right yeah so you want to do the frame no go ahead oh you gotta do it I gotta do it with you yeah all right so so we got we got the A-frame you know already know what it is yes so the age I know it I know it the A-frame is when you're so dependent on each other that if somebody loses their balance somebody Falls and so so so A-frame relationships are unhealthy because if she moves I'm a mess and then we've got the h-frame relationship which means that we still have connectivity but we are one situation away from separation wow but then we have our M frame the m stands for merits now she's on her feet I'm on my feet but try to get in between this well we got a circle frame [Applause] I didn't like that I don't like that I didn't know he was Cheerleading that's at the other convention I'm a bag off so no matter what your alphabet is if you are M or o you got to make your marriage work but I love that because you have two couples here and they use but they're saying the same thing if you listen carefully they're saying the same thing but how they express it comes out differently so when you're sitting here and you're listening we don't want you to mimic them we want you to take the principle and then apply it to your life and apply to your marriage amen okay and Sarah kind of answered this but I I want to ask go a little deeper how do you make time for you in the relationship because that's one of your spaces is how do you make time for you in the relationship without losing connectivity to your your mate go ahead tea time she mentioned tea time that that that's a Terrain time um I think that first of all it's the Consciousness that if I don't get time just to me to minister to me then TNS time is not going to be what it can be and she's learning that because like when I used to you know fly somewhere or drive somewhere whatever she used to be a little you know a little like really you get to do that you know but but the version of me that she would get when I got back was so uh elevated and so loving and so patient and so you know what I mean that she started sending me away like don't you need just some tea time and uh so I think for me it's we have an agreement I can't I mean I was trying to take some tea time uh don't do that okay okay sometimes she'll jump on the plane but but um but we haven't agreed where are we going right I feel a heavy we in my spirit on this one but we give each other permission so I'll say and she'll do the same and she gets her time um but you know Hey listen I'm feeling like I need these few days and by the way it is not a rejection of her and this is really important because because me saying I need some tea time is not me saying I need time away from Sarah it actually has nothing to do with Sarah or the kids or anybody else but it is me recognizing what my soul needs to be the healthiest version of Toray but you can't get there unless there's communication because it will look like you're running away from your spouse and from your kids if it work it's not that I'm not running away from nothing I'm running to a better and healthier version of myself so there's communication prior to me leaving prior to her leaving and then there's an agreement there's sometimes where I can't go okay I have this need but as we look at our family as we look at our our work landscape whatever we whatever we might need in our our sphere of influence there's sometimes why I have to put it off or you know what Sarah will do sometimes I'll go in and she'll go so it's just the communication part is Big I'll tell you so the first time that he said he needed some tea time that was unfamiliar to me like time to himself and um I had to really work through that one because I've just been in bad relationships in the past and I'm like let me roll up at this hotel laughs let me risk it all you know what I'm saying like don't let me you know and then when I realized that that was just my old trauma coming up and that I was attributing his character to previous experiences I had to learn to really grow and trust him and trust God and you know so that was one thing then I started getting resentful though because I think as the facilitator of the kids the facilitator of the house I have this idea in my head that if I leave this whole thing gonna fall apart and that's not true I did not create in my mind um enough room for the house to fall apart and that being okay for the kids to be off their schedule and that be okay for him to not do things the way that I would do them and for that to be okay but the idea that like he was going away getting some time when I was like burnt out losing myself it used to create a lot of resentment ultimately not just within me but in our marriage so anytime he needs time away now I'm thinking about all of the times where I need time away am I making this look so easy I wish somebody would just send me away instead of using my own words to advocate for my own needs and so when uh the first time that I did go away it was really more out of like I'm I'm gonna show you that when I'm gone and uh but then when I got there by myself I'm like whoa I can do this without it being a punishment or retaliation for him being gone and in not change the dynamic of our relationship and I get an opportunity to get what I need to and we're talking like two days at a hotel up the street and sometimes I do have to call in extra reinforcements right because he's not going to lay edges and if my girl's at school and their edges they lay what kind of mother am I you know what I mean so like sometimes I do call in reinforcement can somebody you know hears the doordash here's what they order here's the snack routine like I do have to help facilitate it but the time for me to recalibrate be by myself not be bothered when I'm in the bathroom walk around with my wig off be crazy eat food in the bed watch ratchet television then pray this is how I know how to pray effectively is when I see what's happening in the world God I bring my sister Nene to you she's throwing drinks at people you know and I feel like a woman and I think let me just say this I think part of what makes it difficult for women to feel sexy and to show up as women in their marriages is we are legitimately so tired thinking about tomorrow that the idea that I'm can throw it in a circle tonight is unreasonable [Applause] well but but found that when I disconnect from my responsibilities and I have a minute to recalibrate that I this circle still circulates I think you need to go to Jamaica I just feel like the Lord's speaking send me Lord send me Lord wait wait send them over here send them over here too but let's talk about that for a minute because I think they can go together I think [Applause] today I mean they can leave now see nothing wrong with it yeah they run out of control they just out of control but really I think you hit on something Pastor Sarah is that I think for men and for fathers it's easier to take the tea time and and get away I think Society has placed on women that everything does hinge on us and we are selfish if we take time away instead of it being self-care is what you described and so self-care is not selfishness it's necessary because if you're the foundation and there's a crack in the foundation guess what everything's gonna fall so you got to take care of the foundation that self-care and that's wisdom amen and and to do it and to do it I'm sorry and to do it without guilt and to do it without guilt because when when I did take that time and I'm gonna pass it to Shawnee but when I did take that I used to feel guilty like you know walking out the door but then I realized it's not being selfish it's being so full it's been it's being mindful of self and so you have to break that that guilt Spirit off so that you can go listen the last time we say when Jesus is asked what the greatest Commandments were he said love the Lord your God with all your heart all your mind all your soul and all your strength and then he says I love your neighbor as you love yourself we think that the sequence is God neighbor's self but it is not it is God self neighbor how you interact with your neighbor has everything to do with how do you interact with you and so it's it's loving yourself enough to make certain that you get what you need and God says that's a great commandment because I am going to be a better husband I am going to be a better uh CEO I am going to be a better pastor and leader if I love me first amen amen so let's switch gears a little bit here because you guys are so busy like just looking at your schedules looking at your social media I get tired right so how do you not let Ministry or the marketplace overtake your relationships you know mine gonna be fast it does like it does overtake and when it does overtake we readjust our boundaries we acknowledge it and then we move it back over but I do think we have moments where like he's in Boss mode I'm focused on something else and you know we could start sending texts like you know like we're gonna have a W-2 at the end of the year like could you do X Y and Z no please no thank you no gratitude and I think that when one of us waves the flag and we're like wait a minute that was a little too close to like employee employer or like pastoral and you know I'm your wife I'm your partner I think that we're able to readjust but for us it does bleed over so I because I'm not gonna let anyone think that like oh my gosh we manage this perfectly we just realized that when we've crossed that boundary that we should fix it because what's most important to us is the marriage and you have to amen and you're getting good at no but you're getting good at saying something because I started at another company recently and it took and you know it takes when you're starting something new it takes all of you like everything and I didn't realize and I'm so glad you brought it up it humbled me and I can't remember how you said it but you were basically like where where are you you know where Where Have You Been you've been so focused for the past six weeks you've been so focused on this new company that um you know I didn't even realize I was missing her because I just was doing what I do and we can we get locked in those rhythms where we're just doing what we do but it was you communicating to me that um that I wasn't present and that helped me that helped me a lot can I say too though I think that what we had to learn is that me holding you accountable to our marriage or you holding me accountable to our marriage is not the same thing as me attacking your dream because like I'm not trying to stand in the way of your progress I'm not trying to stand in the way of who you're called to be in the earth like I want to see you win I want to see you prosper but I'm also want to know where we fit in that I want to know that I'm on your mind in the process of all of those things and I had to learn that and I think that that helped me to receive then when you're telling me like hey you're off center that I'm not now trying to be like oh you hating on me you don't want to see me win you you know what I mean we're on the same team and we had to really establish trust in us being in the same team so that we could hold one another accountable to the level of balance that works for our marriage and we've we've tried to make sure that we add the third M so you got the ministry of the marketplace the marriage is also a business right so that we we pour into it we invest in it uh we're we're new at it right so uh we don't have 10 years of experience with each other but we have um many years of experience apart and one of the things that we say to each other there's a difference between having um 10 years of experience and one year of experience 10 times [Music] right yeah yeah there's there's a difference because if you get repetitive in the cycle you're going to do the same thing this January that you did last January and you don't have experience you have repetition and so what we try to do and and this is the greatest thing about it whereas Pastor uh Sarah and taray are are in Ministry together I had a Ministry when I met my wife so what I've leaned on her to do is to help me to maintain the balance that she had and not let Ministry swallow us both of us so she has the permission to grab me out of beast mode and say we're going to Vegas for the next three days and you're going to do nothing but play golf while I lay by the pool and that's just the way it's going to be and I understand what she's trying to do is Save Me From Myself yes she's trying to save Me For Myself the other thing that we all four deal with is the unrealistic expectations people treat us like Barbers and beauticians they want to leave but they want us in the chair when they need their hair done I mean just be honest nobody wants their Barber to be going on the day that they show up but we schedule ourselves in the schedule and somebody's edges just ain't gonna get laid that week cause we out yeah here we go yeah I think my theme is intentional like everything I do I try to be very intentional about so again we talk about these things and I had to point out to him one time I said why is it every time we go to the office on the drive over you turn into somebody else he would like turn into like this CEO even with me like in the car he didn't realize he was doing it though and it took like a few times I was like you know every time we go to the office like you have this you turn just into somebody else and you had to he had to see that in himself but I'm like at some point like you got to just let that it's so much on y'all being pastors like it's so heavy and I I just I had to keep having that conversation because again being on this side of ministry is new to me so sometimes I sit back and be like why can't you just tell them no you know like it's midnight you can't you can't go you know but y'all can't do that I mean you can but they can't they crazy but I I feel like I can I'll be like give me the phone I'll be like no but I they'll forgive me I told them all the time just blame me they think I don't know nothing anyway so blame it she don't know Church etiquette or something I don't know tell them something but that leads into my next question yeah because you're not the traditional first lady and Sarah Pastor Sarah you're not the traditional Pastor female Pastor right look at how she gave me the look y'all she gave me the look but you guys are breaking stereotypes because we can get real churchy and we can put ourselves in the place of God and think we know who deserves what so listen he said preach no y'all missed that last night preach but this is the thing I love that about you too I love that you Embrace who you are and not the traditional mode of first lady or pastor and I think that's why people are attracted to you because you give them the courage to be themselves and in particular I'm just getting to know first lady Henderson but I've been able to watch Sarah Pat and I'm sorry I'm trying to keep saying past Sarah because I've called her Sarah for so many years but Pastor Sarah I've gotten to see the transition and one of the things I love is that you kept being you even as you elevated you kept being you and I love you for that and so talk about that how did you maintain that how do you maintain that being you when you have so much pressure to be something else or it could be easy to be what somebody else expects yeah I'm gonna go first because serious is about to be really good um sorry Pastor Sarah I gotta say um I I just I don't know how to be anything but and it's interesting now I realized at this point in life that even though I did TV since 2010 people don't really know me you know I did not share who I was and how I was molded into the person that I am now so you know everything somebody thinks is pretty much just a perspective of a few minutes of TV time um so I think that this space in my life Bishop said something the other night where he said I can respectfully tell people to just go to hell um that he said it not me he said it I'm just repeating what the bishop said but that is in my spirit but I um you felt that in yeah [Applause] and I love people I had this conversation with Sarah and I was like I love people like I I'm a hugger and I really do love it but I have this thing where I do keep this little bit of a shield around me and it's just a protective space because of things that I've been through and seen and the trauma I bring and we it I can't even go back to what Pastor there was saying about letting go of guilt I have not been able to do that like I was a single mom for so long that it was me and my five kids and I did everything it was just me and I still my youngest is 17 and she's home with us but I still feel guilty leaving and and not being there for everything because I was there everything for so long so I'm working on that I'm I'm not I'm not there yet but as far as like the perspective and the expectations that people have of what a first lady is I I asked him I said what what is the biblical translation of a first lady because it isn't one it I mean it isn't one that I found Maybe I'm Wrong I ain't a pastor so I don't know um but I don't think I don't even love the title you know like I don't I don't require people to say lady I just y'all can call me Shawnee it's fine but I think that I just don't try to meet any expectations and remain who I am because that's the real and people will gravitate to real I'm only going to gravitate to what I feel is real and what I feel if I feel you believe what you are saying to me and you believe what you know what what you're trying to make me but I can I can draw into that otherwise you know fake we see the fake and and I can't I just can't so say the good stuff Sarah cause you're about to say something real good real good stuff I don't yeah what you said was amazing I don't know that I can fully answer this without just like just going on and on and on but I didn't really expect to be in Ministry um I stumbled into it I've been really open about that it's not like I felt like since I was a little girl I was called to preach to the world and that's some people's testimony I just I never felt that way and um I think that when I started blogging and people started connecting to the blog and it kind of became something that felt like it was bigger than me that I just made a commitment to like hang on to myself um just because I've been in a Ministry family for so long that I've seen people literally overdose trying to live up to expectations and people end up with addictions and you know just all of the numbers numbers of things that happen when you're in this platform and so my Ministry and my desires centers around what would have been effective in getting my attention in the moments where I was completely lost and just the church phrases just weren't translating to me what would I have wanted to know about how hard it is to walk certain things out and how can I give language to that and I think ultimately I have a commitment to like really hang on to myself I think like you know one of the many blessings that God has revealed in me getting pregnant at such an early age is that like you know for the most part like Gray graduating from high school is like the greatest achievement because like you know you get pregnant at 13 nobody's really rooting on you doing anything great and so I think the bar was so low that like y'all really got me out here and I just feel like you know it's not that I can't lose but I'm just like I am so much further out than I think anyone ever thought that I would be so I don't feel a sense of failure because even if I like fail from here I still came way further than I ever thought I could be so like it's just up and it's stuck come on now it's dressed up it's just up wow thank you thank you both for sharing that because I think especially for a lot of women especially if you're married to a pastor you get burnt out on expectations and trying to fill everybody's expectations so YouTube just gave them permission to be free I will say this so PT was pastoring before um he and I met and got married and one of the things that he did tell me was like if you don't want to do like the whole pastor's wife thing like that's cool or you want to do it your way like nothing that's ever been seen before like that's cool too and so I do think in relationships where there is pressure from church and local communities for you to like live up to whatever this first lady role is supposed to be that ultimately you and your partner hold the vision for that church God's given you all the vision for that church and I think the husband plays an incredible role in giving the wife space to be who she is no matter who that is and to defend her from people in the church who say she needs to be a you know like I'm here to help undergird what God is doing in his life not even just in this building because I know who he is outside of the building like I'm here to undergird all of who he is right and I think you know the least that he can do as a form of reciprocity is undergird the process that she's still in and she's finding her purpose and finding her voice and creating space for her to do that into PT's point when we first started dating he said that he knew that God told him that his role in my life was to create an environment for me to flourish and he was true to that and authentic to that and has been protective and edifying over my process and he didn't allow anybody not even myself to put negative labels or stigmas on me so I think that that unit if that unit is tight it'll give her space to really be whoever she's supposed to be and not what people say she's supposed to do amen as well the same way with me he does not play about me and he protects me and he was very open and saying when we first got married the same thing he was like listen you do this first lady or don't do this first lady think how you want to do it um and and you figure it out you take the time actually lady Sarita told me never even try to attempt to meet the expectations because once you try it'll never be enough and they'll keep expecting something else and something new and so don't give him any and I've been priding myself on that but Keon has been very very supportive and always have my back in that space and so to what Sarah was saying I think that's also extremely important especially in Ministry because It Ain't Easy I tell them sometimes I said sometimes I'll get up there and people's faces are just like [Applause] can I ask you a question so you know PT used to have a powerful prayer Ministry too before we got married where people would be in need in the in the late night hours some of the some of the some of the women's of God some of the single prayer and then for some reason when I came into the picture I don't know maybe I'm a miracle worker I don't know there was a healing that took place they no longer needed yeah yeah they no longer needed them he'll deliver you if you let them okay so he there was a Deliverance yes so like oh that's not my panel but I'm asking questions so like [Applause] how did you overcome the women's who wanted a touch of the Hem of His Garment yeah yeah because yeah they still inside but the churches still I think me and PT going to Jamaica yeah let's go no like cause like it's like it got hot I don't got hot up here no my parents been married 40 years and they steal some touching of the hymns of the Garment yeah yeah that they want to touch on yeah and so like how do you wall [Music] how do you all you know without making us feel like we crazy we jealous like when we say she's sniffing and I got something for her like how do you navigate the reality of life you know this roof no listen listen if if we need it my work we need answers no for real no for real because like sometimes sometimes God's still working on people right and we know that you the best of them because y'all pastors and we pastors and we see the best of them but like how do we draw those boundaries so that everyone can stay saved and not in trouble you know yeah yeah can I add something to that let's not just say pastors let us say CEOs and business owners right how do we do we do we're all clear boundaries and so uh what happened was look at all the cameras looking now I think so first of all I I trust your instincts amen because I'll be honest like when when Sarah and I first got married she was clocking like all of the ladies in the community and at first I was like you you you overboard that's no you know she's she covering me and you know but she was right cover she was right and then they started knowing they started leaving like they started like leaving I didn't know so so so in all honesty like I think like like for real for real like when your heart is pure you expect other people's hearts to be pure and their motives to be pure and so and God sent you a purifier so God sent you a pair of fire honey it's running through her so I had to start believing her I had to start like if you you're picking up on something you're a woman you're picking up on something that that I can't see I can't I can't I can't um I can't pick up so I so I I trusted you and so uh and I still do that to this day but but there are two sides to that coin well well now all right now all right do you see this woman because now I got more deacons now tonight let's go now let's go here this is not eight not a call look these Negroes and they got prophecy [Applause] prophecy I'm all the prophets you need [Applause] okay okay false prophecy okay [Applause] and the Lord the Lord uh Pastor Sarah [Applause] and different things so how do you address that hold on I got to get in there I got to get in there come on come on because it don't just be the people at our church it'd be the pastors at other churches hey beautiful no Jeremiah you gotta go back to church because we we got to bring you back okay we back we back I told you I was gonna get it I told you it's gonna get real I told you I was gonna be honest okay so I will say to land the plane what we have learned to do because that does it does happen people this what in both in both directions get out it does what we have done as a rule in our relationship whether we see it or not we trust the other person's perspective because it doesn't matter whether we see it or not if there's anything in our relationship that could even be a potential for threat or a potential for division or a potential for insecurity I'm not going to ask you to change the way you think I'ma just move in a different direction so that this doesn't have to be anything that we worry about it ain't worth it that's good it ain't worth it I always tell my wife I swear to you we say it all the time I'm like she'll say well how do you handle it I promise you my response is always the same discipline is far cheaper than regret yeah the cost of discipline is far cheaper than regret and I know what type of regret I would have oh God if this woman is absent in my life oh God so that regret is my boundary that's wonderful I could not handle that regret that's wonderful and that's my boundary and that comes listen that doesn't come from sanctification comes from experience [Applause] it ain't because it ain't because I got the whole Bible memorized it's because I know what regret feels like yeah and it is a cost too painful to Bear the reason this woman is sitting on my left now is not because she's beautiful because I think she's beautiful and not because she's smart and I think she's intelligent I remember when I got a divorce and I thought I would never be in front of a room like this again and I laid in my bed depressed about what I thought the church was going to do to me and she rubbed my head until it started my hair started to grow back until I felt strength again until I felt like if I just have the audience of one it's better than the audience of thousands and I never will forget her dad counseled us and I was low on myself because I was the pastor that went through divorce and now that I saw I was lowering myself and he said something that snapped me out of it he looked at her everybody know who her husband used to be he said now this is my son and he said I don't want to see him go through hurt anymore and he looked at her and said and don't forget he's shacking his world I said you you're right you're right I have forgot I forgot because you got to have somebody outside of you to remind you about who you were before you went down and I heard his language in her and when we did counseling your dad would tell you this we were up there for six hours and five of it was them talking it was them talking and they and and her father was dying and he was translating to her what her father meant yeah when he was trying to get closer to her he she looked at her and said your dad's leaving see that those kinds of things brought us together yes those kinds of things made me feel like I can trust this woman because you ain't never heard about it about the shape I was in when she met me and you won't hear about it because this is my dog yeah right and so that's that's that's why I feel it yeah we have a bond and that that of losing that because I never had it I never had it and losing that is too big of a cost for me listen I feel you I told my husband I said they will never say I'm divorced again they'll say I'm a widow never that's right you gotta be a widow and let let me put it on record I love that man yeah because of what I went through I love that man and I will be a widow I will never be divorced I ain't going nowhere you can't get rid of me I love that's my that's my kind of energy because if something ever happened to me and y'all see him posted that with something don't y'all leave no comments talking about like she would have wanted this for you no she wouldn't [Applause] both of y'all don't you bet it won't be no resting yeah look look I do this thing by myself I'm good I'm serious I'm serious myself you better miss me every day I'm gone every day every you think hey listen I saw your post you said he ain't been hungry since ain't been hungry since listen well this has been fun this has been open this has been honest I want to thank my guests for your transparency your openness your honesty thank you so much thank you so much thank you [Music] foreign my name is Pastor Keon Henderson I am the founder of an organization called take action now people are always direct messaging me and texting me and saying pastor what are you doing how can I be a part of what you're doing and I know everybody doesn't want to be a part of the local church but what if I told you I had a way for you to partner with me so that we can affect change throughout the world hence take action now a 501c3 non-profit organization committed to advancing individual agency and social progress by protecting strengthening and uplifting the underserved and disenfranchised throughout the world we're doing humanitarian things teaching entrepreneurism teaching home ownership and institutional inequities cultural deficits we have our ear to the ground and we need your help to make a difference wherever it is making a sizable donation to the estate of a young woman who lost her battle with cancer via the Internet and we were able to make a difference there or whether it is in a underserved community in the Caribbean islands where the children were playing amidst rocks and glass and we came in and broke ground recently on a park so that athletes and cheerleaders and young people in that Community can have a safe place to stir up the gift inside of them whether it is paying the utility bills in cold climates for seniors or just helping basketball players get the proper uniforms of football players it's just us making a difference through financial literacy and technological empowerment and mentoring services this is what we do and all I'm asking you to do is become a partner with me right now and I want you to go visit take actionnow.org don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today [Music] thank you

Channel: Keion Henderson TV

Views: 48,651

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Id: B4eqiGL2gXg

Length: 54min 44sec (3284 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 13 2023