Marriage Conference 2021 Pastor Sam Barela

[Music] so hebrews chapter 11 verse 30. listen to this and and listen while you're listening to this apply this if you will to your marriage and and think about the trials that you face and the troubles and and the disagreements in your relationships and verse 30 says by faith the walls of jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days by faith the harlot rahab did not perish with those who did not believe but she had received the spies with peace and what more shall i say for the time would fail me to tell of gideon and barack and samson and jephthah also of david and samuel and the prophets who through faith subdued kingdoms worked righteousness obtained promises stopped the mouths of lions quenched the violence of fire escaped the edge of the sword out of weakness were made strong became valiant in battle turned to fight turned turned to flight the armies of the aliens women received their dead rays to life again others were tortured not accepting deliverance that they might obtain a better resurrection still others had trial of mockings and scorching yes of chains and imprisonment they were stoned they were sawn in two were tempted were slain with the sword they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins being destitute afflicted tormented of whom the world was not worthy they wandered in deserts and mountains and dens and caves of the earth and all these having obtained a good testimony through faith did not receive the promise god having provided something better for us that they should not be made perfect apart from us therefore so then this is how it went down we also since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking unto jesus the author and finisher of our faith who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of god for consider him and that is the name of this study here today consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls consider him consider jesus then so here in hebrews uh the letter the writing to the hebrews and he's telling he says look at all these trials that believers that have gone before us have gone through and and they didn't even mention marriage it didn't even mention husbands or wives running amok and going in their own direction so on top of all this other stuff then we have marriage and not then not only do we have marriage and then when you have marriages then you have you have children involved in those marriages as well and then you have in-laws mother-in-laws and father-in-laws and brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws and nephews and nieces so on top of all these trials that we face in earth on this earth alone we involve family and in marriage so the one thing the one thing that can remain the one thing as couples and married couples that can remain is a solid marriage someone someone not just one but the two that make it through two that make it through if anything can exemplify god and bring glory to god it is uh the trials and the troubles in the in the the afflictions and addictions that we face in our relationship and we stand here today to tell you that it's possible so therefore he says we also since in verse uh in hebrews 12 verse 1 says therefore we also since we are surrounded by so greek cloud of witnesses let us lay aside every weight and what weight what weight and you ask yourselves that today what weight am i carrying what waiting and this is totally applying to your relationship today to your marriage what weight are you are you carrying that you shouldn't ought to be carrying here today what is what is your burden here today what weight personally do you carry around that would be disruptive to your marriage what is it that you're hauling around what baggage do you have that you might need to get rid of here today and i say might because i'm hoping that you might get rid of it here today now is it you or is it her is it he or is it you just just nonchalantly go [Music] like that she's like this no nonchalant right here but who is it is it impatience are you tired of waiting for them to change is it rudeness i was thinking of something well go get me water no you're not my wife i i don't i'm not i don't tell you what to do i tell her what to do but see how the way i said it i like that he's like yeah no problem that's pretty rude wasn't it but if i said hey beautiful would go get me a water she's going to be more responsive i think to to that she didn't see her face when i said that her eyebrow just went out like she has a water bottle right there i'm lucky she didn't go like because she would here you go rudeness and sarcasm is that one of those weights you're carrying around in your in your marriage proverbs 10 19 says in the multitude of words sin is not lacking but he who restrains his lips is wise a little spark could set the hills on fire can't it just a little spark see when we were recording and dating we had a little bit of spark to light the fire didn't we but now we we do it negatively what about jealousy is there a little bit of jealousy you're carrying around where are you going who are you going with what time you give me back who is that that text you who you texting why'd you like that on facebook resentment some of you have some of us i should say have wronged each other in the past did some dirty stuff hurt one another deeply and you've repented you've asked for forgiveness and you're changed person but the other one still resents you there's some weights there that you gotta let go that unforgiveness unforgiveness not forgiving that spouse for the hurt the past jesus said unless you can forgive how do you expect to be forgiven what about pride anybody in here got that problem with anybody have that problem problematic keep on burning pride i'm not gonna say i'm sorry i'm not gonna ask for forgiveness it wasn't she should have known selfishness was for dinner what time's dinner gonna be ready did you do my laundry like i i hate it when she does that to me you know and in that selfishness and and just real quick on the topic of intimacy and i'll get a little bit more into that as long as david doesn't start holding the time card back there go right now i'm gonna take my glasses off when he gets back there i'm gonna go oh i couldn't see you bro but it hugely applies selfishness when it comes to intimacy and i i i don't think i really need him one of the brothers we were talking and i've been doing a series on marriage and and uh i said hey can i do this can i say one of one of the guys that we meet with and can i do this can i say this because he goes no bro you can't say that just just just you know they don't know what you mean um but yeah it applies both ways you know um men are very visual right and uh and a lot of times women don't like to be bothered right i don't know how to say this uh okay never mind move on i'll come back i'll come back to it [Laughter] all right we like naked girls okay no you women don't be ashamed to to be naked in front of your husband don't be ashamed don't be ashamed to be in naked in front of your husband and you know that's just that that that's what you got to do anyways and when i said girls i met wives right i met my wife so can you guys edit that please um let me get back on track come on people offensive offensive are you offensive are you offensive are you are you just i just what i say i don't think about but i do i don't think about i'm i come across offensive vengeful you know i was thinking about that being vengeful and um you know for some of us who who grew up and and listened to like james brown right the big payback right revenge i'm mad that that that sunk in your head right it's like hey she won't she was she gonna do something i'm gonna do something right back right it's all payback you know and and that's that's how that's how some of us were raised right uh tit for tat and and you know an eye for an eye you know they do something you just they jump so one of your homies you go jump one of theirs right that's that's that's what uh our upbringing and what we learned um and that's a weight that's a weight that we're carrying to be vengeful uh thinking that you need to pay back your your spouse for how they wronged you dishonesty it's huge if you're you're not truthful and you're dishonest um you tell lies to cover up look at my wife she's like [Music] i don't lie babe i like just fix the story better so i don't get in trouble no she hates that though if i if if i don't tell her she might as well go you swear to tell through the whole truth not about drew so i help you god because she doesn't like she does not like me omitting meaning not giving her everything that um or putting a little grass on it right a little little butter little icing to make it sound better she doesn't like that dishonesty that's a weight it's a weight we carry that that is is keeping us down being overbearing overbearing um you know just like again it's like that jealousy thing you know what are you doing where are you going who you with why are you doing that how much money did you spend you know let me see let me see the receipt or just constant constant just control right being a control freak for the most part and uh negativity yeah so yeah so who cares who do you you know what i mean my my cousin you know and what does that got to do with us well my sister just she got a new job yeah good for her hopeless hopeless just so there's it's not going to get any better it's never going to get any better everything sucks everything sucks oh that sucks that sucks everything sounds disconnected disconnected there's something about a grown man that wants to rub some buttons on his controller more than he wants to rub his wife's back there's a problem there right and then it even goes into phones i mean i i i i i have this roller coaster ride with my social media where sometimes i just get stuck on stupid right and um facebooking and you know just looking at videos and things like that and then then the lord convicts my heart and then i'm like i gotta set this up aside and get you know get away from this and um and the worst part is when she's got things going on that are bothering her and i don't recognize them or he's got things going on you know comes home and just checked out and and hey babe how's work and there's no connection no communication that'll that'll break you down it'll it'll it'll separate you and that that nothing should separate us nothing should be in between a marriage and a couple so all these weights on the contrary to is are on the contrary to what love is in first corinthians god's love real love 13 4-7 love is patient and and you can look at all these how they're they're on the contrary to one another love is patient and kind love does not envy or boast love is not arrogant or rude does not it's insist on its own way it is not irritable or resentful it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth love bears all things believes all things hopes all things and endures all things we say we love each other all right i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you too i love you too but what kind of love is this is it a a phileo love a philadelphia love like hey bro you know if i say if i told my wife right now hey bro go give me a water bro we got a problem she's not my bro just like god isn't our bro she's my bride just like we're his bride there's a difference he says let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us the sin and what are the sins that we're we're constantly walking in in galatians 5 19 through 26 says now the the works of the flesh are evident and in god forbid you know the first couple here that if we have any of these in our marriage then it is time to repent sexual immorality impurity sensuality and then you go on he says idolatry sorcery and again if you're if you're out polishing your car men uh and and more than rubbing your wife's back then that's a problem it's idolatry enmity and strife that means division is strife jealousy fits of anger rivalries dissensions divisions and those are all packaged up in just trouble just trouble daily trouble nobody no one wants to live in that home do they no one wants us like man oh man i don't know you're like neck's all tensed up you're like i don't know what kind of mood she's gonna be in today she's off the chain man and you know there's there's there's times man and you know right it's like there's i think you know our wife should put up like a caution sign right like through chats right or whatever right be careful be careful because today is not the day to mess with me but when when you're in love and and when you you examine your companion you the bible says uh husbands live with your wives in an understanding way figure her out learn her her moods and her and her traits what makes her laugh what makes her smile what makes her angry what ticks her off to like no other right we all know the same don't poke the bear right don't poke the bear you know or you know when i was growing up my my dad was he just he he worked hard but he he was miserable he'd come home angry and um it'd be like oh man mom would say dad's going to be home like in in 15 minutes you guys better make sure you're washed up and you're and your uh your rooms are clean and your chores are done because you never know what kind of mood he's going to come home in and he was just something you just start for no reason and no one wants to look forward to that and my mom would say something that that would would just get to him and and there would be a fight a huge fight and it would get physical it got physical and and you know kids are crying and it's just a mess and they had no god there was no god there was no accountability to to do anything right to even work on your marriage they didn't care so ultimately what ended up happening my mom found some young guy at work that treated her kind sounds found some young guy in my picture that is stuck and embedded in my brain is me standing in the sidewalk as my mom well after my mom came to pick up her clothes and she drove away in her little car her and her boyfriend and left me and my little sister because she had enough enough of the fighting and the abuse and the madness and my dad never got over her hit her leaving he never got over it 40 something years ago he says that was a beloved of my life you guys are loving your life you beat on the love your life right you called her horrible names so what did i learn what kind of husband was i when we first got married that was a sane person that was the same man that same guy drinking and and and smoking and and going out and cheating and verbally and physically abusing my wife until christ until christ he's who made a difference it was his word that changed my life so the the those weights all those things that i drugged from my childhood i you know i had to lay him aside right it was intense i was entangled in that that's all i knew and what is it called it's called sin it's called sin and a lot of that stuff it's just embedded right and sometimes that old man will we'll rise up that whole person rises up and you start to feel and want to do want to be and then i just think i don't know my god what am i thinking there's nothing better i would never i would i wouldn't change wise for anything there's nothing better that god has done in my life besides save my soul then gave me my wife nothing he says i warn you as i warned you before that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of god but the fruit of the spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness self-control against these things there is no law and those who belong to christ have crucified the flesh crucify the flesh with his passions and desires if we live by the spirit let us also keep in step with the spirit let us not become conceited provoking one another and envying one another i love how he says in hebrews that in at the end of verse 1 let us run with endurance the race that is set before us the race is not alone this is this is a partnership you're you are you are you are bound together it isn't by yourself you're running this race if one of you is is disconnected or laid out then the other one needs to drag the other one because you what you say to your spouse or to the other is that i am not going without you and if i don't say that you stop and you stay where they are in the in the funk in the muck no you don't you drag them no man left behind right you how can do you know you're not your own anymore so how could you leave the other one we went through we went through some crazy things in in and i've i've shared this here before i believe it you know my wife went went through a period where where um she she got caught up in after my mother my mom died who was her and my mom were very close after my mom died she started uh using uh prescription drugs she started to make her to kind of check out right make her feel better to get get over the the hurt and the pain a little bit losing a loved one she checked out and and from from the prescription meds it just got worse and i'm telling you it got really bad to the point of me seeking a lawyer and saying i'm gonna get divorced and to the point of that's it i'm done i'm walking i gotta get out of this thing and and me not seeking god but seeking a lawyer seven years we went through this trial along with other things on top of that right it wasn't just that i mean i was i was had my head my head was in the clouds the lord just said hold on hold on deliverance is coming hold on deliverance is coming there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it's the same for every marriage in here it's the same for every god is faithful god is faithful you honor god with your marriage and your commitment to your spouse and god will remain faithful you will be talking about the glory of god and how he brought you through and what he did and how he saved your marriage to help others to insure others for couples that are about to get married to let them know there's nothing nothing too difficult for god so let us run this race with endurance the race has set before us that our marriage be a godly relationship right it shouldn't revolve around parties and and and going out and things like that it really shouldn't because once the the lights go out once the party's over once the kids are gone what do you have left you have each other right you have each other and there's nothing better and i would hope that someday and even now that you would be able to see that there is nothing better than the person that's sitting next to me right now how right so how we say how we look unto jesus the author and the finisher of our faith who the joy that was set before him endured the cross for the joy that was set before him he endured the cross for for the joy that is set before you endure it endure it there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning so endure it right that means make it through it's like okay i'm i'm i got i've i'm it's this right now my relationship is just it hurts to even stay in it right now it's killing me i don't want to be here i don't want to be here i want out i've already got my eye on the grocery store clerk man she's so nice and oh man every time i go there she's just like hi how are you oh i'm great how are you you're like i'm you're in the back your head is like oh man i wish my wife was so sweet like this it's funny because every time i i talk about going to the store right my wife gets see look at her she gets all giddy one of these days no because she's my wife's a beautiful woman right so i she i don't let her go shopping anymore because i'm jealous no i'm just kidding but so you know she got her local stater brothers right and he and you know god the guys that the gross look at the ladies are like i don't know nothing what you're talking about but you know i talk about that where where you know she her and i were you know maybe we're arguing or whatever it may be and she goes to the grocery store the guy's like hey how are you how's it going oh i'm great you know nothing's great in her life but now all of a sudden she's great right she's oh i'm great how are you doing and then and then you know or or you got your favorite cashier right that's really nice and you're like oh i'm gonna put i don't care if it's the longest line i'm gonna put my my cart right here that's not enduring the cross that's not that's checking out right that's checking out it's putting yourself somewhere else in temptations away harm's way despising the shame no matter the pain despising the shame no matter i don't care what it costs i'm i'm i'm sticking i'm sticking i'm i'm committed i'm going to bring glory to god no matter what and i'm not even going to go there you know if they're an unbeliever and you want to let them leave go ahead and leave no you you and never say well if you want to divorce me divorce me go ahead it's on you god will deal with you don't don't talk about divorce don't talk about divorce don't threaten each other with divorce it's not a tool it's not a sword the sword is the word of god for consider him consider him if you know anything about jesus if you know anything how he lived and how he died such hostility from sinners does anyone in here live with a sinner we all do right we all live with sinners jesus such hostility from sinners against himself right sometimes it is you know it's like i don't deserve to be treated like this i don't deserve it you're probably probably probably right but consider him for him who so loved the world that gave his only begotten son that whoever would believe in him well that while we were still sinners he sent him well we're still sinners so while they're still sinners while you're still a sinner love one another even as i have loved you lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls from one sinner to another consider what the lord has endured how much time do i have i got a few more minutes you go five oh man all right so seven points to take home for those of you who are taking notes lay it aside your pride you don't have to win every argument yes i do no you don't yes i do no you don't you don't have to win every argument number two even if it hurts don't flirt but do if they with you you got that one but she was she was flirty with me i wasn't flirting with her i was just being friendly well be friendly to your spouse how about that focus on the spot or not we're planning a men's conference in in for november or men's retreat for november so we all went up the planning group went up to to running springs and spent the weekend together praying and planning and one of the brothers richard he he comes up and richard richards about my age but richard's in good shape he's a delivery guy and he's all cut up and he's the guy that could wear that white tight t-shirt you know and it really looks good on him right no extra stuff tires and things like that going on right it's like uh maybe you should put a shirt over that right that's what i have to do but so richard shows up in his white t-shirt you know looking all normally like bro looked at your muscles you know but he he stopped for a chorizo and egg burrito before he got there right while he was driving so what happened right nice little grease spot right here on this bright white t-shirt and so what is automatically you know you know the focus is on the spot right and that's what we do to each other when you when we're doing when we're doing something wrong or the sin that somebody's doing in the relationship right it's always you it's what you're doing it's not what i'm doing it's you it's you you know if you would just you just pick up your clothes after yourself if you you would just help me out once in a while jesus said that that if you want to be great in the kingdom of god you need to learn to be this what servant of all the servant of all that even means a lazy person that won't get off the couch and all it does is just mess us up right when we're focused on the other one and what they're not doing what he's not doing what she's not doing what he's not doing it's them it's him it's sam you're it's like you're so distracted everything else could be great it sure was bright white right the shirt was a man i even gave his wife some props and you know how to do some laundry girl right but so much was good but that one thing don't focus on that spot okay so i if i go like this there's there's an area in my back that i can't scratch who's gonna do that for me the cashier at stater brothers excuse me uh before i go who's gonna do that my spouse right babe can you scratch my back real quick [Laughter] they do a little tap right afterwards like do you remember right do you remember do you guys remember that right that was the best what happened we used to do that for hours huh like until one of us would fake we were asleep so we didn't have to turn over and do that do the other one but if your spouse has an itch who's supposed to scratch it your spouse right your spouse doesn't not married couples scratching back okay or non-married couples scratching backs okay but not too much okay wait two after you know you get the little but it goes beyond scratching your back right goes beyond scratching your back first corinthians 7 3-5 let the husband render to his wife the affection do her and likewise also the wife to her husband the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does and likewise the husbands does not have authority over his own body but the wife does do not sin i repeat do not deprive one another except with a consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting in and prayer and come together again so that satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control do not deprive each other sex is not a tool that you use to get your way it's to give yourself away you give even if you don't even if you don't want to even if you don't want to and yes it there's things that that you know if there's things that are not right then yes then you have that right to stand your ground but you need to take care of one another you need to take care of another intimately intimately and it goes back to that selfishness you know guys it isn't just about you it isn't about you you gotta hook your wives up man you've got to hook them up you can't just you know just do your thing and then you know mimi's or whatever right take it take care of each other you have to take care of each other um and and that's all i'm gonna say about that number five tell the truth even if it feels like pulling a tooth tell the truth even if it feels like pulling a tooth okay even if it's your own hurt tell the truth be honest with one another the last thing you want to do is hurt each other with a lie number six be attentive and repentive attentive and repentive pay attention to one another's needs know what they know your likes and your dislikes and then be willing to repent right okay i didn't know i'm sorry forgive me and be but make it sincere number seven kindful and mindful the things i do and say matter the things you do and say they do matter they matter so be kind for when you're going to say something say something kind and we all know man when we're dating and when we're we're trying to you know hook up pre-marriage it's it's we're nice right and and i would say if any any of you married married somebody that wasn't nice to you in the beginning then you need to pray right you need to pray and ask god yeah to help you or whatever but um you know and you got yourself in a situation but god could fix it god could fix that remember it's god first it's god first and then each other and then so let me ask you this when's the last time you looked into each other's eyes when's the last time you looked into each other's eyes i could just look in your eyes forever i can just stare in your eyes forever when's the last time you looked in your each other's eyes before being intimate the last time you looked in each other's eyes during intimacy or was the last time you said something kind or frisky before during or after so finally now i better not see this one okay when you are when you're arguing somebody has to say okay that's enough that's enough we're not going to do this brother honey babe why are you treating me so good why do you treat me so good i don't deserve all the love and kindness that you keep pouring out because that's what god does doesn't he the grace upon grace it's endless a lot of us deserve to be squashed by the almighty we deserve to be squashed to be done with stricken with some sickness to the the point of misery because of the way we are but he just keeps pouring out kindness and love and i just and that's what we sing to him that's why we love him because his love never fails work on that endure through the times of sorrow and pain that the joy may come in the morning amen

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Id: bK5nOobnaiE

Length: 50min 16sec (3016 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 13 2021