Marriage Conference 2021 Pastor Mitchell Perez

[Music] can you open up your bibles to ephesians chapter three ephesians chapter three i want to do something i do with my church and uh i want us to stand i want us to read the scriptures we'll stand and then i'll have you um sit down as a as a way for us to remember to revere the word of god this is not the opinion of man this is the word of god ephesians chapter 3 starting in verse 14 i'm going to read that down to verse 21. the apostle paul writing to the church there in ephesus for this reason i bow my knees to the father of our lord jesus christ from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named that he would grant you according to the riches of his glory to be strengthened with my through his spirit in the inner man that christ may dwell in your hearts through faith that you being rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height to know the love of christ which passes knowledge that you may be filled with all the fullness of god now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us to him be glory in the church by christ jesus to all generations forever and ever and everybody said amen you may have a seat the ephesian church um planted there in the city of ephesus the apostle paul himself this is the man that uh was ethnically jewish god radically saved him out of his uh being lost in in phariseeism he was a pharisee he hated christ he hated christians god radically transformed him and changed him by the grace of jesus and then he becomes this pillar this leader in the early church movement and he goes to these to a a gentile city and we we read in the book of acts how uh the story of the planting of the church in ephesus when paul wrote ephesians he was he was in prison he was in prison he was in a in a position of suffering but as you read ephesians and for those of you who've been walking with the lord and you're familiar it's hard to tell that this guy is suffering in prison he writes this letter and and bible commentators and pastors and theologians have pointed this out you know ephesians has six chapters in it and and um though there weren't chapters and verses originally those were added later there is this beautiful divine structure of ephesians the first half chapters one through three paul is saturating the believers in their identity in christ who they are in jesus and you read chapter one and that's a beautiful thing when you're having a bad day is reading ephesians chapter one for those who are in christ understanding who you really are in jesus and then in chapter four it's more of the practical implications and application of the gospel in our life and that order is very important friends and it's what separates christianity from every other religion in the world you see christians we live our life our behavior is based on the grace that we are freely given through our faith in jesus alone so we don't do good works and behave in order to get into heaven you know we are saved by grace through our faith and that so changes us at the core of who we are it it affects our behavior in all categories of our life including marriage and so that order is important and this part of ephesians is is is i think is this pinnacle moment as the apostle paul is pending these these words the to the ephesian believers this pinnacle moment where he says this is my prayer for you ephesians in verse 14 he says for this reason i bow my knees isn't it interesting that we are able to know what paul's prayer for these believers are it's interesting too to me because in chapter five there's that famous uh verse that that we're very familiar with with marriage wives submit to your husbands husbands love your wife your wife like like christ loves the church but you know what's interesting is before ephesians 5 is ephesians 3. and sometimes when we're when we're as students of scripture we have to keep in mind the the greater context of the entire book and we have to first understand that paul when he prays for them look at the heart of what he prayed that we read today he doesn't go here's my prayer for you ephesians that you read the bible more pray more that you go to church more things are good things important things we need to do those things don't get me wrong but his prayer did you catch it is ephesian believers here's my prayer my prayer is that god is able to give you the strength that the holy spirit is able to give you the power that you just might comprehend to a greater degree god's love for you that's his prayer paul's prayer for the ephesian believers these are not lost souls sometimes as christians we think the message of the love of god is mostly for non-christians but once i'm a christian i've just gotta i've gotta grip my way through this christian life that wasn't the way the apostle paul thought he wrote this to christians and he's saying i'm praying you understand god's love for you even more that's the heart of what he's praying for and then chapters four five and six all of these these outworkings of that what that looks like in marriage and in the home and in all sorts of areas of our life so this is that pinnacle moment and you know what what this does because if as we look at as we look at um verses 14 through 17. i want to just point a couple things here just so you know um the entire triune god is at work in the life of the believer that they might better understand the love of god we've got the father in verse 14 the one that paul is praying to the father of our lord jesus christ the whole family in heaven and earth is named with the name of god through jesus we've got the holy spirit doing that work in the inner man strengthening us so that christ the son may more greatly dwell in our hearts we've got the triune god working together that the saints of god might grow in their understanding of god's love for them a lawyer once asked jesus what's the greatest command in the law and what one one jewish rabbi scholar counted 613 total laws in the old testament that jesus could have chosen from and you remember what he said he said you shall love the lord your god with all your heart all your mind all your soul and all your strength and then jesus does something different really interesting he says and there's a second like it when you look at the lawyer the question he asked he said which law singular is the most important but jesus gives too he he quotes from two different parts of the of the old testament law the second time he says you shall love your neighbor as yourself the most important command is loving god and then loving neighbor loving others it's so pivotal for us to understand that in our loving of god that we don't love god to earn god's love we love god because he first loved us i i wonder before like when jesus says um you shall love the lord god with all your heart all your mind all your soul all your strength i don't know about you when i really meditate on this idea of all that's scary right god i can't i don't know if i'm capable of giving you all of it like if jesus said you shall love the lord your god with with some of your heart and some of your strength and in some of your mind i feel a lot more confident maybe even half um and even a little bit more comfort with uh most but all it's taking me like several years meditating on this and and talking to other pastors about this and and learning and it's and then i realized why does god ask that demanding of a love and devotion to him it's because that is the way he has loved us god can tell us i have loved you with all my heart and the evidence of that is what my son jesus did for you on the cross friend our marriage as was said earlier today is is like a mirror it's a mirror of our understanding of god's love for us did you know that and there's no one that knows us like our spouse we see each other's worst sides they're the ones we can't really hide things from i wish my wife was here too because i might just even call her up and she could tell you a more um real version of who i am right um marriage is like a mirror and for the christian uh marriage becomes this mirror of our relationship with god and i think i think from this passage actually we could actually we can actually like meditate and learn about what it looks like if we are truly growing in our understanding of god's love for us we have certain indicators by which we could measure our hearts with the lord and where we're at the most important thing for our marriages in fixing them and repairing them is not necessarily things that we could do on the surface it has to do with our walks with the lord haven't you noticed when you're when you're when you're spending time with the lord when you're in a good place with the lord isn't it doesn't it just come so much more natural to love your spouse don't you see the divine order of things when my walk with with god is is in a healthy good place i have the power and the patience and the love for my spouse and often when i'm impatient and too short with my spouse it's an indicator to me that there's something going on in my walk with the lord anyone else can relate to that or is that just me so so so there are some indicators that we could look at in our life and to see the root issue of our love relationship with god so how do i know if i'm in a spiritually healthy place how do i know if i'm growing spiritually here's number one you know you're growing spiritually you know you're in a spiritually healthy place when you are growing in your understanding of god's love for you this is what paul's prayer was for these believers and i love how i love how um i love how paul breaks this into these four categories which is really interesting he says i'm praying that you might understand even more that you might be able to comprehend by the divine power of god the breath the length the height the depth of the love of god i want to to pause and consider this for a second understand the breath of god's love for you or the with god's love is wide this was especially relevant for the ephesian church they had jews and gentiles being integrated into the same church god's love is so wide it could reach prostitutes and corrupt pastors it could reach businessmen and gang members it could reach people that have been grown up in the church their whole life but their hearts are far from the true gospel and captured by the love of god god's love is wide didn't jesus teach us that he was a friend of the sinners god's love is wide friend that we might understand the width of god's love and paul's like and i'm praying that you understand the length of god's love the highest relationship on earth is a marriage relationship what do we say at our at our ceremonies till death do us part but friend god's love is even beyond that how many times in god's word does he say i will never leave you or forsake you my love is an everlasting love an eternal love oh friend that we might understand the length of god's love meditate on that paul says i'm praying for you believers that you understand to a greater degree the height of god's love you know what's amazing about god's love is one day the love of god will carry us up to the presence of god you will see i will see for those who are in christ jesus face to face there's this beautiful picture you can you can look this up you can type it later um it's a painting called first day in heaven gets me every time it's this girl and she's just a big old hug in the arms of jesus in heaven friend did you know that you've actually only experienced a limited love with jesus we're going to see him face to face embrace that incredible oh that we might meditate and grow in our understanding that god's love is going to take us to the heights of himself paul says i'm praying that you guys understand the depth of god's love listen carefully all throughout the bible is this this picture of the pit the pit the pit of shame the pit of despair joseph was thrown in a pit but even metaphorically through the psalms we read often about being in the pit how many how many of us have fallen into that pit maybe some of you are in that pit right now you feel so far from god from the love of god maybe you feel like your marriage is in a pit no way to get out the pit is too deep all hope seems lost friend there is no pit that's too deep for the love of god yeah god's love is able to reach into the deepest of pits you know the truth is is as you and i are far more sinful and lost in our sin than we realize but friend we are far more loved than we can possibly ever conceive in this human life we are both more lost than we realize but we are more loved than we could possibly realize i think about one of my favorite passages jesus is teaching on this very subject luke chapter 15. can you turn there with me luke chapter 15 gospel of luke just a few books to the left luke chapter 15. i want you to see what's going on here this is there's three parables in luke chapter 15 and what's important for you to know is what what triggers jesus teaching these three parables you know the first about allah sheep the second about a lost coin and the third about allah's son and chapter 15 of luke verse 1 talks about the tax collectors and sinners they're drawing near to jesus and this causes a ruckus this causes a problem because the religious leaders of the day are saying if this jesus is truly a holy prophet from god he wouldn't associate with such sinners okay jesus understanding what these religious leaders are teaching he gives these three parables and they're directed to who they're directed to the pharisees they had they they said this jesus even eats with them he dines with them middle eastern culture back then to this day to eat with someone was an intimate act you know you were associating yourself on a soul level with another person and they're thinking god is holy god certainly wouldn't associate himself intimately at a dinner table with sinners like this but what's jesus trying to teach all through luke luke 15 is you guys don't even understand you don't have the beginning of the understanding of god's love for these sinners but the capstone parable is the last one because what we learn is god doesn't just love these lost sinners that are prostitutes and tax collectors he loves the pharisees too okay and i want you to see something here in luke chapter 15 in the parable of the prodigal son which actually personally i'm not a big fan of this title parable the prodigal son because there's two lost sons actually in the parable and really when you really look at this whole section it's the story is really not about the lostness of the sons it's about the love of the father that's the big takeaway in luke chapter 15 you know starting in verse in verse 11 jesus tells the parable two two sons you guys know i'm gonna summarize this but i want you to understand what jesus is doing when he describes this younger son the younger son essentially tells the father dad i don't want to wait for you to die to get my inheritance i want my inheritance now talk about disrespect right but the father relents gives his share of the property while he's still living already the pharisees and the religious leaders that are listening to the story they're already teed off right this son did what to his father okay but the story gets worse and what jesus is trying to do is listen he is trying to paint a picture in the minds of these religious leaders of the worst most outrageous possible sinner he can possibly paint what happens uh verse 13 not many days later he gathers all that he had and takes a journey into a far country what does that mean this is a jesus is jewish he's speaking this to a jewish audience this guy went to a gentile nation he went to a pagan worshiping nation later on when you read the older brother one of the things that he says is that your son has devoured our property with the prostitutes so understand that this the younger son went to another place and he was sexual immorality okay with people outside of of israel the religious leaders are looking at this they're thinking they're hearing this story this is this is outrageous he spends all his money in reckless living verse 14. he spent everything and then a severe famine arises in that country uh pretty bad to not have any money during a famine jesus is now painting a picture of this outrageous scene an outrageous environment and then of course he he he hires himself out to be a servant he ends up being a a person who feeds pigs remember jesus is talking to jews pigs are not kosher that's an offensive animal the shame that would have been associated with this man a jewish man feeding pigs what's jesus doing he is painting the most outrageous sinner disrespectful to the father in an outrageous situation a famine in a shameful situation feeding pigs and then it gets so bad he is longing he gets jealous of what the pigs are eating longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs are eating he was in the pit he thought he was going to die and this younger brother remembers man even the servants for my wealthy father they had it way better i'm going to go back to him that's my only shot at survival i'm going to go back to him and then the son from this place of shame settles for what i want to call a shame-based relationship with god he doesn't even have to call me son anymore i'm content with just being his servant the shame of what he did realizing what he did as a sinner and then of course oh man this is so good verse 20. luke 15. and he arose this is the young prodigal and came to his father but while he was still a long way off his father saw him and felt compassion and ran and embraced him and kissed him a couple of things did you notice that the father saw the son a long way off of far away what does that mean it means it means the father was looking the father might have had a routine every day looking off into the distance will this be the day my son returns can i show you something else did you notice the father runs to the sun before any evidence of repentance he doesn't even know why he's back he might be coming back to say i need more money dad and he's running out there by the way this is a wealthy father let me tell you something today and especially back then in middle eastern male patriarchal dominated societies men don't run but wealthy men don't run that's not a dignified look can you imagine like i don't know why this one comes to my i'm not trying to make a political statement at all but can you imagine like donald trump just like sprinting at the side of seeing like one of his kids can you imagine that like in his suit and all just like running full with his desperation can you picture that that's hard for me to imagine a wealthy man i only imagine someone who's desperate doing such a thing okay did you notice he starts he greets him and he puts his hands on him not to strangle the guy he puts his hands on him embraces him starts kissing him in the greek it's repetitive it's kissing and kissing and kissing he is lavishing his son with affection verse 22 the father says to his uh servants bring the best robe put it on him can you imagine how this guy must have smelled by the way hanging out with pigs bring my best garment it says put a ring on his hand that ring would have been the father signet ring that would have given the the son authority to make to buy things all throughout town put shoes on his feet bring the fatty calf and kill it the fatty calf that would have fed the entire village that would have fed hundreds of people now the father is saying this is so outrageous not only am i going to show personal affection and grace and love and lavish my son with that i want to invite the entire village to celebrate with me okay what's jesus doing in this parable jesus is painting a picture of the most outrageous sinner in an outrageous situation but what's even more outrageous is the love and the grace that this father gives to this son it doesn't make sense the people listening especially the religious leaders they're thinking this doesn't make sense jesus you're describing a scandalous type of love from god friends we only understand very little about god's love for us the story doesn't end because jesus continues this parable and unlike the first two he's got a message for who the religious leaders verse 25 now his older son was in the field i want you to notice that what's the older son doing he's working thank you whoever said that he's working you know what the older son's problem was the younger son he settled for a shame he was fine with a shame-based relationship the the older son had a works-based relationship and and the thing about workspace relationship is it could lead you to despair where you feel like you can never do enough good works to please god and get his blessings or it could lead you to pride and entitlement god look what i've done for you in my life how come he gets the fatted calf how come he gets the citywide party he doesn't deserve it and what does jesus say at the very end jesus i don't i want you to to notice this that the father in the parable he hears from one of the servants that the older son is in the field and that he's upset and the father leaves the party to go to see his other son his other lost son by the way first son was lost in sin the second son was lost in his quote-unquote goodness lost in his good works do you see in the in in the same way as the father sought out the prodigal he's now seeking out his other lost son do you see the love of god even for this young man what does he say in verse 31 son you're always with me all that is mine is yours it was fitting to celebrate and be glad for this your brother was dead and alive he was lost and is found the story ends on this weird cliffhanger you know why it's intentional jesus is telling these religious leaders you are the older son the the the the um tax collectors and the sinners that are coming to me that i'm dining with they're like the younger son they've done shameful things truly sinful things but i love them but hey you're lost too and i'm here for you as well see the younger son settled for a shame-based relationship the older son had a works-based relationship but with jesus's teaching here is a grace-based relationship where we don't work for his love and there's no sin that we could do to lose his love it is freely poured out to us from the heart of god and can you see what might happen in our life in our marriages in all aspects of our life if we allow more of the drip of god's love to pour into our heart it will radically change everything at the core of a lack of love for my spouse is an issue beyond just me and my spouse it's an issue between my understanding of god's love for me so you've heard the phrase hurt people hurt people a lot of truth to that i think that's a i think that's a generally true statement but listen loved people love people graced people grace people forgiven people forgive people man how do i know if i'm in a spiritually healthy place it's when i'm growing in my understanding of god's love for me amen second one though i know i'm in a healthier spiritual state i know i'm growing when i'm growing in the understanding that god can do great things in and through me did you notice that right after paul in ephesians um chapter three did you notice how after he makes this just beautiful statement and and his prayer of just like i'm praying that you guys understand god's love more after he after he says that he says now to him who was able to do far more abundantly than all we can ask or think according to the power at work in us in other words when we have a healthy understanding of god's love for us you know what that happens it causes us to trust god more we have more faith you know that's just a principle in life the more you experience love from someone the more you trust them so the more we understand god's love for us the more faith we have that he can do amazing things in and through our life the lack of faith that we have in our life we we might just be tempted to think i just gotta muster through it i just gotta grip my teeth and just do it that's one thing you can try or you could just douse your soul baptize your soul in god's love for you it's interesting it might sound really cheesy all right this whole idea of god's love man you keep talking about god's love god's love paul said in his prayer in ephesians 3 i'm praying that this is the foundation of your life he says i'm praying that you are rooted in god's love that you are rooted in that what's the foundation of your life what is the root of your life what is the the identity that you are um building your life upon build it from the place of god's grace pour it upon you in jesus christ number three way that we know that we're growing spiritually healthy is trials are not devastating me but they're demonstrating faith where was paul when he wrote this he was in prison but we can hardly tell and paul it's not explicit in the text but it's implied in the scripture here this guy had so much peace despite the fact that he's in this prison and he's he's on this trial and and when you have a healthy understanding of god's love for you and when you're believing that he could do great things in and through your life trials just don't devastate you um you ever get a mosquito bite and then you're just like oh my god a mosquito bite we just most of us we might be a little annoyed but we're like it's just a mosquito bite remember apostle paul book of acts he goes the island of malta snake bites him he just shakes it off it doesn't in the fire no biggie look at how you handle the trials in your life and in your marriage they're indicators when i'm in a healthy place with my walk with the lord um trials often feel like mosquito bites if i have a healthy view of god's love for me a healthy view of god's power upon my life okay the trial so trials are not devastating me but they're demonstrating you know my faith they're demonstrating peace and humility and last one i want to mention here number four is i know i'm in a healthy spiritual state i know i'm growing spiritually i know my walk with the lord is in a good place when i'm growing in the character of christ now here's what's cool ephesians chapter four now we're starting the second half of ephesians and paul says therefore interesting yeah whenever whenever you read a a chapter of the bible that begins with therefore or because you always gotta you've always got to look at what it said just before and what was just said before paul's saying i'm praying that you guys understand god's love more i'm praying that you guys uh understand that god is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you could ask or think therefore okay therefore i as a prisoner of the lord urge you i beseech you to walk in a matter worthy of the calling to which you've been called look at this verse two with all humility and gentleness with patience bearing with one another in love eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace when god is your treasure then obey him is your pleasure when when you have a healthy understanding of god's love for you and christ it changes your character you're more humble you have more peace you're able to bear with people including your spouse even when they're unbearable see the source the power the strength to handle your spouse sinner that you're in love with for life is staying in the love of god under that under that spout where the love of god comes out see marriage is like a mirror it's a display of our relationship with the lord and so as we consider this idea of endurance in our marriage by going the distance all the way and not just surviving and barely getting to the very end but like thriving right thriving in our marriage as we consider that let the source be let the foundation let the motivation of what at the center of your marriage be your walk with christ your love relationship with him friend this is why we read the word of god we're meditating upon the promises and the character of god and and and the works of god and and all the blessings that come for us this is why we need to be consistently with a body of believers you know one of the one of the things too that um i was tempted to really talk about a lot here but i'm running out of time is paul when he wrote this he's not talking directly to married people and when he talks about um at least not in this portion and when he talks about uh there in in chapter four in the beginning with all humility and gentleness and patience bear with one another and love he's talking about you as a church you as a believer you know in your community and um this is another thing that um that i wanted to say loosely tied to the message book but not really is really be present in your church as a married couple don't just keep all of your struggles and burdens together sometimes the way god builds your marriage the way god grows you rebukes you encourages you is your brothers and sisters in christ yes we have a personal relationship with god yes we have the word of god yes we have the pastor's teaching but there's all these one anothers in the new testament for us encourage one another comfort one another confess your sins to one to another there's always one another's and don't allow for your fellow brothers and sisters in christ to not pour into your marriage because you're just trying to keep it between you and your spouse open up your heart i know there's a marriage ministry here i met ernie i believe ernie you're the one that you and your wife are leading this ministry if you're part of this church i encourage you to really be intentional and and get involved there and don't let your pride keep you from opening up about the difficulties of our of your marriage god uses the word of god to grow us but he also uses the people of god to grow us yeah we're the body of christ so remember that as well as we close to the degree that i understand god's love for me is the degree by which i am transformed friend you are more lost in your sin you're more prideful than you realize you and i but we're more loved than we can possibly imagine may we not lose sight of that sometimes we're so focused on maybe fixing the surface level of things in our life including marriage but the fruit shows the root actions behavior they're exposing core beliefs that we have our core beliefs drive our behavior remember these things and so friend i just want to just share that gospel truth with you god loves you if you're far from him submit yourself to the love and lordship of jesus christ let him melt away your sin in your pride and holy go to him and follow him and see how following him is not rules and regulations it's freedom it's freedom from the power of sin over your life it's freedom from the penalty of your sin that will come in the next life if we don't have christ as our savior and one day it will be complete freedom from the mere presence of sin when we are face to face with jesus i can't wait may we anchor our souls to the love that god has for us amen

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Length: 41min 31sec (2491 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 13 2021