similar - Rahim salatu was-salam ala rasulina Kareem seasonality you know Hamid were either early he was so happy at my my dear brothers sisters and sisters may allah subhanaw taala we were you first of all and i just want to say thank you to share abdill body yeah yeah when I travel around with the other speakers and we go around you know you see different personalities you know speakers and she you there also like everyone else some of them very rigid very you know military type they don't want to move left and right this is what you promised me this is what I want and all that some of them you know carefree some of them very accommodating very nice they will you know bend backwards just to make sure that things are done and you know one of the people that I always always enjoy his company and I always like to be with him it she'll have the battle very easygoing here you say you're here give a lecture right now inshallah let us go inshallah Larry sustained here inshallah let us eat inshallah everything masha'Allah tabarak Allah and that is a quality of a movement and that's the it been attained me and he said you know some of the friendship you know some of the friends that you have they like flies in a little flat what does it fly it does what are they doing in general the flag will come and fly all over you and they will only land when they hurt you have a little cut that's what they gonna land on it so they're not a good friends others it's like this earth that you walk Allah subhana WA Ta'ala in Verona in an EVD k4 holy foot well either sama ek for fear not well either the mannequin we're in and out of the k4 so they had some of the people are very very high in Lilian and he's he's always there for you and one of them is sure I've been bad you hire me a lot bless him and saying this because he's not here and he's perfectly fine to praise somebody in his absence because it is not something to do so today I gave lecture in Somali in defending you guys fighting for you guys so you know you should pay me for that he shava I was telling the parents you know the issues that we you guys having getting married I spoke on your behalf and I hope I hope that none of the parents are listening and I hope that you also appreciate that I divided things into few but a few points some points are concerning the parents mother and the father some concerning the sisters and also another point concerning the brothers and I wanna you know mention to you what I said and I said to them and I will say to you that number one when Allah was talking about marriage I'm talking about you know us being together husband and wife Allah refer that as one of his the greatest ayat I mean a yachty he and Jared a dopamine unfussy come as Raja he's affirmed that ayat of Allah that he made you pairs husband and wife this is from the ayat Allah this is from the blessings of Allah that marriage happens between husband and wife in Allah subhana WA Ta'ala said in the Quran also lost penalty Allah mentioned in the Quran it is from the Sunnah of the MBA when allah subhanallah our scenario suleiman public what you're under him as rather whether rhea young muhammad we indeed have sent messengers before you and we gave them wives and children and grandchildren and anivia sallallahu alayhi wasallam used to encourage the Sahara's in people and he used to say yeah man Shaba young men and women Minnesota especially to the men - token comin back at a fan yet Izawa if you capable of getting married get married as soon as you can and then he mentioned the benefits of marriage the benefits of Merit and he said for those of you who cannot afford to get married then let them fast let them you know continuously inshallah be fasting until they get married in in in my observation you guys have to deal with multiple barriers multiple issues one I believe from my point of view some of the fathers they not playing up to their part and not playing after being a part of being a father for the sons and fathers father for the daughters like look it's Lama Klee we always tell you boys don't talk to the girls am i right even though you do and we tell them girls don't talk to the boys you also do that you know but we tell you that we don't give you a tenant if we don't give you other option and how many young people came shall say you're telling me not to talk to her you telling me not to talk to him for the sisters and then how am I gonna ever get married you know they messaged you saying this interest for the brothers that interest for the sisters in East and West don't see each other would rather be laughs you know lower your gaze don't do this so how and also what I find the suitable mate is suitable why the suitable husband and that is legit in question you absolutely have every right to ask that question now as a father as a parent it is indeed the responsibility of the father and especially of the father and the mother to facilitate these situations for you not arranged marriage don't get me don't get me wrong not arranged marriage but to facilitate for example I'm just saying for example if I found a young man if a father finds a young man masha'Allah he is good in his Deen is good his love is good masha'Allah comes to domestic he's doing his education or he already finished his education and he has a nice job he's driving a nice car is responsible you see him you know volunteering at the best you see him doing a lot of height every father will love to have that young man as husband of his daughter what I can do as a father is to go to my daughter that I think is ready she's ready for marriage and I said sweetie I have this you know young man and he is good in every way would he like to consider that's the job of the father and if the citizen if she says okay oh I don't mind that I can show you from distance they said well look that little guy that is the one that I'm talking of you know that one you know with the afro is the one who's heading that you know that's the and then she said oh I would have been that I don't want it you know you know or she said I don't know daddy and that means she wants him right then I have the facility as a father I have the facility you know maybe I won't bring this young man if she was not she she couldn't see look at him very well I can say you know come on Yin I want to invite you into my house not telling him anything I'm just saying I'm just you know throwing ideas there I can invite him to my house I can say you know have some lunch have eat you know come for a cup of tea a cup of coffee and then she can see him from distance and if she says thumbs up in the good to go and I can approach him and that's why what did the rumored already of Lara when his daughter hamsa was ready for marriage what did he do and we have to follow the footsteps of these people remodel day of Laurent is daughter hamsa was ready for marriage so who did he go he went to earth not been enough fun because I threaten have fun Subhan Allah he married two daughters of The Messenger of Allah he was the one of the first people who made here to have a senior he also made his unit to you know the city of Medina he is one of the mobile shooting bill Jana he is the man that Messenger of Allah said Mela I gotta study min maniacae will feel shy when the presence of a of automobile fan he has so many minutes so he said well this man is the most suitable for my daughter that was his first pick so you went to the monolith man my daughter have said he's ready for marriage wouldn't you like and I guarantee you that was that that conversation would have some was already done sweetie I have somebody you know she was enough man said he thought about I said no I don't want it thank you very much may Allah bless you but I don't I'm not interested in getting married now and then who did he go to according to him the next best person was Abu Bakr desiderata Allah we know about Abu Bakr and then when he went to her back at her she did Abu Bakr he just said okay and he kept quiet and everybody said and I took it to my heart I took it the wrong way it's nothing I found was man enough to say thank you very much for the offer but I don't want your daughter you on the other hand were bucker you just hear what I said no yes no no no nothing no responding you walked away and then of course who came to propose to have some was a rasul allah salallahu honey he was seldom and then i'm a bucket he said come on let me talk to you you know what happened I heard the Messenger of Allah mentioning her and I didn't want to expose the secret of Rasulullah and I didn't want to say yes or no to you I don't want to be too quick on the cook on the trigger so what I did I waiting and I was waiting if the Rasool Allah says yes I'm going to propose to her then I will back off as I did or if he said no then I would have said to you yes I'm to marry your daughter thank you for the offers like alive so as a father I'm judging the role of the father the father's their job is to filter and I tell you sisters don't ever undermine the role of the father's you got sisters you may think your father is dictating you or what to do what not to do who to be with those not to be with and it's all my god no no no no you're not choosing a husband for me you know I know what I want yeah you don't even know what I like trust me most of the young ladies that get divorced got divorced that I dealt with you know I listened to their stories I listen I listen and I asked the first question I said was your father involved with the process ninety percent of them said no no because they thought this oh man you know he knows how to go to coffee shop you know he knows how to talk about the Somali politics for example he knows how to no no no no one comes to marriage and choosing the right you know is he saying right but one comes to reality the purpose of the father's is to filter these guys who coming to you they have to filter and that's what I saw I saw the Lonnie was telling me he said listen if a person comes to you and he has two things has Dean and character two different things he has Dean he means you know he comes for solit in frigid he comes for initial he goes four hundred Americans you know he is masha'Allah you know he lowers his gaze he you can see Dean you know inside out of this person that's good masha'Allah tabarak Allah and not every man who has Dean my dear sisters has manners or he can be a good husband that's not the case Dean is one thing that Isola was so precise he said Dean and manners he said hallo I'll tell you what whole of minutes in heaven horrible but Dean like I told like hadith and abuse of love oh honey I'm sorry that's a decent living hadith Abdul in Ramallah pop Americans October of the long run this lady she came to him and she said yeah Amir al-mumineen this man by the name is available now how many of you know Steven flower how many of you you can still lose regular one in nerdy laughing what him neither here Roger and you want to get married the ribbon along was the cousin over her so love LA I love LA but that's not sufficient so Allah when he listened but it was one of the few people first few people who accepted Islam as soon our bucket became a Muslim you say also what should I do he said well call people to Islam he first six people that he brought one of them was a Bedouin our and his mother is Sofia interrupted my pipe which means he's a cousin over a certain lines of the Lahani he was sullen and he was one of the UH Shalu Bashir in Belgium one of the ten so happy that and received a glad tidings of Jana there should be enough the manners Dean and it was one of the greatest Mujahideen he sent up the life and I'm gonna have the life in his bed when I want he said my father said when that well at the time of war when things got very heated you know people used to put armors to protect themselves and unmet he said no no my father used to go topless you know in East expose his body to the swords and he said sometimes with my linen hand I used to put my hands with the wounds were and they used to fit after of course after they got healed he said you know I can still see the head they notice that there would call the marks of the sword so this is this man is a Sahabi and he's not only surviving a shot of abortion and he's only not that he's a maggot so I'm gonna gonna hop up she said yeah I'm you know meaning this man has really been I want came to propose to me well you know what he said God be here I do that he's a wonderful man don't marry him don't marry him why because he was harsh on her mind they said he was harsh dealing with women why because he was raised by his mother Sophia and Sophia she was extremely tough Lee I want the kids when he was a little baby and he comes home running and say also also beat me up she would beat him again so go back and beating him up again you go back and beat that kid so she was a tough lady so he that's how he know because he was not raised by his father so only he knows you know a tough mother and that's what hollow comes hope it means you know it could be manners it could be attitude it could be the way of you know life so a person may have good Dean but it could be stinky a person may have a good Dean but quick temper I personally have a big deal you know but he has you know other things so the messenger over law said hey fathers when somebody comes to you check his Dean and check his manners so young lady if a young man comes to you when they come to you they're not gonna the stingy they're not gonna show you to tea that day you know quick tempura they have bad attitude that they have you won't see that that is for the father to see so you need to understand give your father the due respect let him do his job and when he filters that then you can proceed and do whatever you want to do after that inhalation so the father's you know you as young people number one you got to give your parents a chance now other thing comes to the mothers which is another point one comes to mothers and boys you should know this mothers by the way they will never think any of you is good for their daughters you know that no mother whatever say oh this is a young man masha'Allah he does this he's a perfect husband for my daughter he will always say my daughter deserves better than you my daughter can get married to someone better than you in her mind her mother daughter is the best is her Lion of this dunya right and you're in your - like Chawla I'll marry this one again shall the next one and then the third and then the fourth one and then he shall are all right I wanna marry 900 wives and the mother and he's thinking no no no no no he can't even handle my daughter to different perspective of things to different things so you gotta understand the role of mothers and the father I want to talk about some of your struggle that I faced with that I'm familiar with and I'm gonna speak up about the issues that young men have with young ladies not in particular in a particular in this place but whatever I go trust me identical issues this is a blueprint so I'll tell you it's some of the issue that young people have or young men have with young ladies first of the thing is young men a lot of them they think it is too expensive to get married especially if you're so money miss keen because a maha is one thing one event which is you know Anika has one event then a wedding is another event there's AG a battle you know what about it you guys don't know what got batties fish and chips you guys know what the bat is huh the bat it's like in Somali culture like if you're getting married you know you're you have to give the elders of your tribe some cash not to come but you give cash and say listen and what they do they would take this cash and they will say to that other tribe from the young lady that you married and I said we want you to marry us married our son your daughter and according to the book of allah and this is the gift from the tribe who paid the gift came out of your pocket and then that they take that money and the other tribe will bring somebody some some amount back but they were shared fifty-fifty so what happens to that money you go they go back and they give back to the community so they give it 20 pounds here 20 pounds ago in Canada $20 $20 $20 and then then 300 is in their pockets that's what it isn't the guy in the other guys we do this so if you saw money you gotta go so the young man is saying I have to run this place and have to do this I have to have this amount of money I have to buy the best furniture I have to you know get on a flat in in the best neighborhood I gotta do this a lot of expenses and also some young ladies they have an issue they call in Marikina man they have met her and so they say okay I want my man I want my Darrin and the sisters would say the worst how much $50,000 you joking now you think I'm joking well I am now one of the young ladies she said I want $50,000 I said sister he's not buying a car it's just getting married to you 50,000 yeah and then she says no no no no he can pay me something right now he can give me 5,000 cash right now and then 45 in case of divorce that's the security man that insurance money as insurance money I like bility liability would wait a second so it's me so she's literally saying you know I dare you to divorce me because of you everything of divorcing me you gotta pay me to 45,000 pounds and everybody's like no way so young guys is like I don't know you know what if I don't like her what if we don't get along I have to pay $45,000 that's a lot of money so the other people said you say listen I wait and wait and ask those who say I'll wait and I want our fast and avoid harm as someone like you but those other people they will go to shishun and they will smoke inhalation and they wore coffee shop and they were shoveling we talked about so have bihari and they were going to a movie on Friday and they were restorative cap in the movies in the cinema you know they will do all that but the truth of the matter is you know it sounds us a lot of problems comes out of them so that's one issue but remember had it Olivia sort of Maharani he was suddenly these four young ladies the Prophet said the Baraka in those young ladies is it in those who make the process of the engagement is they don't complicate the process of asking for her hand is easy and the expenses of the wedding is little if you have these two things sisters then Allah promised you to put barakah in your marriage barakah what do you want you want a lot to bless your marriage am i right everybody wants that so if you want Baraka from Allah well make the process easy and asked and asked little in my own called my own in the shop which means don't overburden the person who came to marry you don't make it difficult your mother should not make it difficult and I know a lot of young ladies or lie a lot of them most of them they said I don't want to do any of this but my mother is making me do it my mother wants this and the mothers they want to have a wedding that they miss they want to relive their own wedding through their daughters mmm I think how many Muslim anyone has uncle so many other here you know my mother didn't do this for me so I have to do it for you so the mother things I have seen all different types of marriage I have seen show us all the daughter I have seen soy sauce daughter the best marriage is this this is what I would like for myself the second issue that a young people have young men as they say a lot of sisters they were Hodja they come to the Masjid they pray along with us they have halaqaat but inside they are not really what they say and the first thing about in their mind and heart is feminist movement they think men are abusing them men are taking away their happy and they yeah they may look like us the brothers and brothers and they may look like us but it's nothing but a feminist movement you know really being out of their speech and out of their eyes and that is a problem that's the problem a lot of English they thing what this what the things that has been taught in a universities the education that they getting from this you know different countries that's telling them you've been abused in a fight men be better than them be like them be this say you know this man I don't want him to restrict me and a lot of young people he said yeah you know I don't know who was the husband who's the wife she we can't even call it she's wearing the pants you know what I mean I mean she is the boss no she's the one was doing and he's a listen if I'm the husband I'm the husband I have my role and she's the wife why you know she's trying to take and switch roles or why she wants to put you know you know over take over take both roles which is not right and you have to understand allah subhana wa ta'ala gave sisters their help you don't need any professor to tell you that you don't need a feminist movements to tell you that allah already gave you that out I was looking one of the passports you know you know when you born on you sit with your friends let me see a pass brother I'm checking the page and you were saying I think it was nineteen something in his country in nineteen something the page says in nineteen something in that particular country it was recognized women as a person they recognized women as persons as we human being I was just yesterday until century in France in 1914 1914 women were before that women would not would never allow to own any properties any property you can own you know a horse it is she she was not allowed to own you know far none of them none of that and if even if the father dies and he leaves everything for his daughter her husband when he she's married husband is taking everything that his happy this was only 1914 you know it wasn't long ago look I mean talking about through history but look you know Allah on gave sisters their happy and maybe years of a lotta money he was selling gave women their Apple so for your sisters to speak like these women or this feminist movement and say we won this we won this and wait a second have you ever asked if this is your hapana one of the things for example that is illegal in my in my country it's something called spousal support you know what that means do you guys have that spousal support it means if a husband and wife if they married and they got divorced the wife will get a portion of his money every month so basically every month he has to pay her that much after their iddah is done but they say no this is the right of them so if whatever rice that they say is based on the Quran oh so now we say humbly that if it's not then we should not I'm not saying we should not implement that I'm not saying husband and wife should not talk to each other she'd not work together that's not what I'm saying but the fear of this young man young men they said you know when we marry his sister she is not what she looks like that a job that JimBob is only skin or in a hijab or the called deep under that the job she's another person under that job she's like any other non-muslim lady and I mean you know asking things that is not her right so if you want to live Islamic life you want to live in the Muslim household if you want to create that that we have Islamic theme we have the Muslim didi nervous snap that can tells you the half of the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife the third thing that the young men are facing also think this one is common between YouTube and that is parents they interfere with the merits and especially young people are always young men voice up more than young ladies so when they get married and they go to America together husband and wife the mothers and the fathers getting involved in their marriage so the brothers saying she's my wife this is my kid my kids why his her mother is involved with our lives why you know her mother should not be involved with that and I guarantee you majority of the cases that I dealt with that Anna were divorced the second question after I say was your father you know this and that the second question is and asking that is her mother involved with the divorce 90 percent Diaz 90 percent some of you may think oh my mother wants the best thing for me yeah that's true in her mind getting you out of that situation getting you out of is what she think is best for you but you as a husband and wife you got to learn how to live together nothing you should ever ever entertain abuse but I'm saying you guys got to learn how to live together and I always say marriage it's like learning how to drive how many of you come driving in that letter whenever you guys you have no vehicles in UK how many of you over 16 all of you still don't dry in Canada by the age of 16 they got the drive does the first anyway but for those since you guys don't know how to drive you know this driving is like this you know when you're learning how to dry sometimes you hit the brake the wrong time and then you accelerate the wrong time and you signal the wrong direction and you you know and but I need but when you learn how to drive it will become very natural you could be on your phone you can start the car you shift you move and you go on you at the mess you don't know how you got that right marriages are like that you gotta learn you gotta give it its time husband what have to learn how to live together because whatever personality that you showed her or you showed him is not the true personality I'm tell you no it's not the true personality of you you can only experience the true personality when you guys live together when you don't like where she put her toothbrush you know when you don't like when he leaves his socks tell since under under the door you don't like little things like that and then that cost friction and fights so you gotta give yourself time so what do you do I always ask the young people to do two things number one keep your parents away from your marriage both of them because each one's oh my god I gotta protect my daughter oh my god the other ladies involved I gotta save my son and then you become the victim you become the casualty of that war so what do you do don't get them involved I would ask you go to an email go to a counselor before you let any of your parents know especially if they you think they won't be rational and it would be emotional but the second thing that I always give them advice about don't have kids yeah no kids for the first two three years no case I'll tell you what because when a sister gets pregnant she's no longer the same person she's a lioness she will devour your life she will kill you with the litter for the little things she is no longer even herself you know emotions are completely different you know is it and you think hey she used to be sweet you know she used to smell nice no she used to be at this what happened you know well she's pregnant you know you don't know her personality long enough to say well this is not my wife change only happened after she became pregnant so I understand what she's gonna go through so the first four months - I'll be patient because after that they will be normal last three months is they are only concerned about pains you know worry worries about labor and things like that and they're not emotional that's how a lot create the most women most women so as a young man I have no experience in marriage when you see the change that is happening you man I can't deal with this I'm gonna go do how does sheesh you go to your friends I'm gonna have fun I'm gonna go play ball I'm gonna have you know I I can't deal with this she's comfortable with a different person so - you have to all young people is until you know you settle you comfortable with her personality and she's comfortable with your with your personality don't rush having kids I love kids by the way I really do I love kids but I would nothing and I know you all do at least most of you but I will say do not have kids right away because you really still do not know each other well enough 75% of the divorce happens first two years first first year second 75% which means the chemistry it could be there but you didn't give enough time you didn't give enough time the problem now let us talk about the problem that a young ladies have the problem of the young ladies which is true they have is they don't find compatible enough compatible young men to choose for most of the girls I want to do by I want to sound with you I want to everywhere Denmark you know your name it I want everyone in the world of crema everywhere and everywhere I go you in the first cities you know sisters they do better than they are doing better than boys in terms of Dean sisters are doing much better than boys in general in terms of Education same thing in terms of being focused they always do better than boys almost always do better than boys so when this young lady she did very well in his schooling they she has a job you know but the person who is in her her age bracket he still is struggling with basics and the one of the reasons I mentioned this today most of young people are not smart enough and they say after they finish we call it high school yes caught you call it college before University and before they say I'll take a year off how many of you heard that I take a year off I want to take a year off most girls they don't do that they just okay let me do it one small finish so by the time she's already you know she established she had physical education so she may have a good job the husband of the young man that she could be married he's struggling with basics of this life so the sisters they say we don't find in your compatibility in these you know age what should we do either have to marry someone who's a lot older than I or that fine person I really have to struggle finding that person and that may take time and that is so true that's so true boys you don't show and I'm not necessarily saying you but I'm saying boys in general they don't show the responsibility towards that and the way these steps behind girls and hey most of the most of you are right here from different countries your parents migrated here or the immigrant whatever reason you have your own culture and most of your culture is telling you're dictating that you can only marry from your own people am i right you know that's what I always make fun of Somalis because somebody somebody can you know somebody they can bring me a Somali guy bring me a Somali guy and then after he brings us a lot of guy what tribe is here from and then when she passed out his stage you know she no no no we don't want this we don't want that so you still have that so to find see the pool is already not there's not enough fish in that you know Pro so when the sister wants to marry she has to go to Somali community for example and from the Somali community she cannot marry from this tribe from that tribe she has to only limit our search is smaller pool and then from that is smaller pool she has to find someone on a deep smaller pool and then from that smaller pool she has to find someone who has you know decent education who's responsible and so on so the pool is getting smaller and smaller smaller smaller and that's not fair for them that's not fair so what is the solution what are the solutions number one I don't know if you guys can really come up with solutions because you guys are handling that could be maybe some of the the best kids in town but the sugar shooting is very challenging and my solution sometimes doesn't please the parents sometimes may not please you so I want you guys to think about something that you dushala beat me a soprano with Diana through the discussion that's what I want to open the floor for discussion insha'Allah and I guess please don't give me I don't ask me righteous questions yeah what righteous questions mean you know a perfect Muslim question you don't tell me the truth is that ship a harmonica is beyond my leg you never pray or sooner don't ask me about the Emily so ask me a real question that I can deal with not a righteous question no no we'll stop in Shana and I want to hear from you right the brother said and he's absolutely right he said you mentioned but that you said we should not have kids right away and the messenger of allah he said the Zoeller Judith and will do marry women will elude who can't bear children and we'll do it while loving you know they are carrying the short fiction they should love and so that but I didn't say don't have children I said to me to maintain your marriage and to make sure that you don't fell in this marriage you have to have take this measurement and the environment of the Sahaba is different than our environment here everyone around you they have boyfriends and girlfriends you know marriage them just a piece of paper nothing it will not add anything or take anything away from their relationship we're in a Muslim country and that time marriage is completely was a different platform it's completely different so and the community they knew exactly what to do and even at the time of Sahaba they was divorced yet there was not there was not a single single person every survey in Sahara she get divorced rosamma will wait for it it is all in tents hobbies become proposed to her this young man he divorced his wife he have another tends to have yet waiting for him to get married so there was no single mothers there was no single ladies that's when abuse of the long rally was sudden almost all his wife there were single mothers there were mothers you know children except ization even Hadiya she had children so but I'm not saying don't have children I'm saying you know wait until you stabilize stabilize your relationship and then you move forward being I can't see you so forgive me if you raise your hand first but I saw this young man first so I'll take you in second trust me you know I was I remember before you know I was not married no experience you know me and other five fools we got together and say we want we want to get married we want to get married and we all got excited we all got excited and there was some waiting a message sitting in the masala I see a masala sitting in a masala we were five and six of us and we were like I want to get married I want to get married I when I get around do you know anybody no did anybody know you know losers so what happened you're sitting here you're talking to each other and then I say okay what do you want what do you like in assisting in case I find five hundred because that's the first one mine you know so boom so he said I want to be half feeling I want to be this and this and you know whenever her to be skinny I wanted need and this this is a Pakistani old man sitting right here doing his duty towards doctor blah stuff for Allah and I think he had it not with us and he just came and said he said old man old man with gray hair sitting in the Masjid and I don't know if he was doing the cure for his loss or he just run away from home but he was with us and company he ran away from his wife so he said brothers say women before married they all have it they are all beautiful they're all nice after married Allah knows best season and I will say the same thing about boys girls before married they all nice they all sensitive their romantic they all all this after merit will lie they losers a lot of them but you gotta be careful so before when you do ask around that's why it's important to get your parents involved see mothers would only know can really they will tell you the nature of only women can tell you the nature of women and only men can tell you the nature of it so you need someone the people to get involved so if you mother your sisters your sister-in-law somebody has to check her out slap manners you know who who are her friends where did she go all of this and the same thing for boys was just you want to marry somebody some men members of your family have to get involved with doctors and don't say I asked the email that's the wrong thing to do don't say we asked the Emani mom knows him because what does the Imam know the most savvy they come they pray behind him and they leave nobody knows what they do when when they leave them must you know the America not tell you that so usually check the friends so she has you checked their parent a relationship and that by the way your parent your father your parents in-law crucial marriage don't ever say I'm marrying him I'm not marrying his parent I'm marrying her I'm not marrying her prince that's a mistake that you guys make that's a mistake you me don't do that the other thing is if you find fault in a sister or in the brother don't say you shot a lot we will learn together we want to improve our Iman together we will struggle together no the only struggle that you're gonna have is towards the end them if she's not the right person trust me it would be no struggle so this is when you marry the person basically that is the best position that he or she will be in that relationship yes a lot of people they grow together but one day when you here they are we grow together mashallah we've been married for 40 years or 50 years they learn how to tolerate one another they learned not how not to be in there and in their faces all the time how to live together how to be civil with one another they do grow a lot of them change Allah guides whoever who He wills and Allah subhana WA Ta'ala is capable of but usually if you think she's gonna change or he's gonna change that's the one of the biggest mistake in the marriage no somebody was asking questioning no please read it from here from there I don't know but I like the one that relates to marriage he can somebody give it to em challenge for you know ask the first question do you have any more question any come yes while while the sister is asking a question you can filter the questions and put first the ones that are related to marriage and then if you run out of that then we can go into tain the rest yes it's in the back right well number one you know if the parents are even masha'allah to barik alaa willing to entertain someone from different race I say alhamdulillah you know that's it right self is a barrier but find someone else not necessarily your father but it could be your brotherly siblings it could be a cousin it could be someone that you trust his Deen and his judgment they don't have to be he doesn't have to be the father but find someone because in this case he finds someone that you trust and your father trusts because if he if you both trust that person and he gives you the feedback then they will go of them otherwise you know they know your father can filter the true personality of this person cannot know what this person is all about now any more question from the floor relate a with question that relates to merit yes really we need to re-educate our parents but we need to re-educate them and I always say to them we in an era where halal is made difficult and hard are made easy right so for the parents to ask heavy milk or to ask extra expenses it's not fair it's not fair for you it's not fair for the young ladies because yelling is they really they mostly independent they have their education they have their jobs they don't need this madman but it is usually comes from the older generation so you through the person that you wanna marry or the young person through young man through the person who he wants to marry that's just have to convince her parents I don't want anything I don't want anything I want a hundred you can ask for something reasonable but you don't have to ask for fifty thousand twenty thousand or ten thousand or five thousand you don't have to ask that amount of money but he asked for something that's reasonable it's fine but the sisters is the one that has to do the job Rina they the one who have the sisters you have to do the job and say okay I don't want this and I like this guy I like his Deen and like his manners he's responsible I asked around you asked around he's a good guy why do you have to make you know condition for him to pay you so much money or to promise me so much money for this marriage to go through so the sisters have to do their jobs that were their path now in a question yes but if you knew before married if you knew before married and you chose to be with that sister then hamdulillah if stay with that system because that's the one that you troll right if you didn't know and then later on you know you learnt then it is your decision as a matter of fact if both of you if you want to stay together and which is better choice but you have also the other alternative choice the shitty our choices or you can you know I don't know but that's your choice by now see you gotta ask what is culturally known in your region or in your country so if it's let us say the cultural reality for example it's different in the culture in UK Pakistani culture is different than Palestinian culture and Lebanese culture Lebanese cultures different from Somali culture and within that culture in that Cup in that evening within that culture there's also extreme and both int so okay that a lot of Connecticut are now from Oh Martin was as for something that is in your culture is modern it's not too extreme so let us say if 50000 is extreme 500 500 dollars a 500 pounds is low then okay and the culture is as 2,000 3,000 that's what you should do but you also have to understand when the sister asked she asked so much money you know she's really not being fair to the man who will be marrying her and when you ask so little well nothing there is no limit in shaniyah but if you you also have to understand the respect that this man has for you it's not based on how much he paid right is based based on the review when you're dealing on everything on laughs you know this is how what is based on so money has no rather irrelevant it's not relevant here has no value here so you don't you know be extreme I depends so shall our next question what time is it by the way not 11 minutes no next I'm sorry well number one find someone who would be a good role model for your child that's very important he has to be a good role model for your China has to be a great father and she has to be a good mother number two find someone that you can pat about it something someone that you like the same things they always say opposite attract that's a lie no if she likes football and you like cricket I don't know what would you do but anyway in case you do but you know you may not be the best I'm not saying it but I'm just throwing that as an example it should not be the other thing that breaks or makes but someone that you have a lot of compatibility that is what's important I'm sorry that is what is necessary for you the other thing is of course now age sometimes it plays a very important role what do you like and a lot of young people especially a lot of young men and a lot of young women I should say both of you sometimes when you a man is high you got very emotional and you say I don't care whether he's ugly or not I'm making it for the sake of Allah what line I have never and then you marry him and he looks like gorilla not erotic a lot and then six months you know what the pregnancy is I don't I can't stand him no first that's why I would call the wife of that between face she said ya rasulallah I cannot fault my husband and he is generous he's kind he is very religious I love everything about him but he's too ugly I don't like I'm not a charter to him at all what do you want I want a divorce from this man and the Rasul Allah said divorce her so you have to find you have to marry someone that you're attracted to male or female next to shallow anything that would affect your marriage should be disclosed before marriage anything I'll repeat anything that would affect your marriage you have to disclose it before marriage if you think by the time you're the person that you choose get to know about this that would be the end of this marriage and he has a chance or this opportunity that he may get to know about it and what I'm talking about if let us say maybe once upon a time young man shoplifting he stole a candy from a store you know that would not break your marriage you know you were young you were stupid you were you know and you did that it will not break your marriage but if it's something major then she needs to know what he needs to know so be careful with that because a lot of young men they bounce back from the emergency she's not what I expected or he's not what I expected so be careful with that you make sure you tell the person but matters in this marriage and don't just go ahead with it and later on regret no many it looks the false promises if the husband made false promises that's a ground for divorce not being good husband that Ben not being good wife is ground for divorces there's tons of reasons why people get divorced bad treatment not being a responsible parent not caring for the family neither you know financially supporting the film all of those can be good we you know but at the end of the day to have summer in mare hoping the personally shallow would get better and there's a chance that's all with that is always the better choice being that's that's a trick of Shaitan look Allah in the Quran never said don't commit zina never said don't commit adultery you were not fine for an ayah from the Quran saying don't commit adultery but Allah said do not be near zina what a talk about Xena no don't do it no don't be near it so when you in love with someone and you talk and you meet you know Shaitaan is very very small very conniving next thing that you know just touch hands you know hold hands you know ma'sha'allah and then next thing that you know lebesgue allahumma labbayk so you don't wonder not at all next we ask the reasons if the reasons like religious base then you dismiss you're not I'm sorry you you listen to them and you obey your parent and you dismiss that application if the reasons are based on race or any other thing then you need someone to talk to your parent if the reasons are financial base again you need someone to talk to your parents because Allah is the one the first the last two aligns the one we've said the best view or the most honorable in the sight of Allah are those who have most righteousness and Allah said in the Quran if they poor then Allah will enrich them from his bounties in your corner for Allah you only whom Allah Ameen fuddling so it depends on the reasons why the parents may reject or object to a proposal and that is some of them they have the right to say no and sisters you have to accept that if you say you are Muslim and you agree this Deen is the deform Allah then if your parents say these reasons are valid and the sheriff says they are valid and they ask you to dismiss the idea of marrying that person then you gotta listen to the Deen of Allah H is I mean it's relative sometimes is again I don't see H as a issue because sort of like somebody was sudden married somebody who's older than him and he also married someone who's younger than him and he married in between so age is not an issue in Islam absolutely it is not and as a matter of fact you cannot discriminate you cannot discriminate person because of his a and I we did once we there was a issue in America that we dealt with long long time ago that the father reject the proposal because of color and because of eight we had a modulus of animal we really discussed the issue and immediately the request of the father was denied and they performed the kneecap without the approval of the father because his base was this man is this color I don't like that color and this man he is that age and I don't like that age therefore I would never give my daughter to him and the Imam said Ram I said tough luck no when you say loved one I mean the one that I marry all the parent okay in this situation see this is one of the things that would affect that would affect mirrors and that would also be based on the culture listen to me it would affect marriage and it would be based on the culture if you for example no offence please don't not no offense don't be offended if I if you under that category but what I've noticed a lot of reverb a lot of reverb they don't make that a decision they don't make a big issue especially men they don't they don't make that issue they don't that's not a priority for them whereas a Somalis for example or Arab you know that is a condition and even though the worst of you know men who who was you know they did all Haram things he wants to marry a sister or masha'Allah Tabarrok Allah and handle Allah Subhan Allah who has never ever touched before so that's a cultural thing and you may say well it's not right and I we with you hundred-person it's not fair for him to do whatever he wanted to do before marriage and he won a sister who is D so that's not fair but it's up to her to say yes or no to that but in that situation she has to tell him or what happened or her parents so he would he won't make issue out of it because when it comes out if the man doesn't fear allah subhanho wa taala because I've dealt with all situation I dealt with the young man who married this young lady and he found what he did not equip and I also and he was decent enough to say I just want divorce but I also found somebody who made you know headlines and he said she wasn't like this you were like this so you don't know what what kind of person is going to be so that is one of the things that matters in a marriage may Allah soprano tell her we were you when you saw Kamala hen I just want to say thank you for also volunteering we said I'm an awful lot
