Love Triangle | FULL EPISODE | Dr. Phil

[Applause] okay take a look at this couple aren't they cute they're young and obviously so in love the problem is he's a married man and he is not married to her in fact she was a bridesmaid in his wedding to this woman his wife Carly now it is a tangled love triangle that we are unraveling today take a look I'm in love with my wife Carly and my mistress Jessica and I don't know what to do about it Mikey is having an affair with his cousin's wife Jessica there was always something about Jessica there something about her I always was attracted to I was actually the best man in their wedding we've been together for 7 years 1 2 three Mike and I have a three-year-old son together Jus and I hung out every day we became best friends little did I know she was having an affair with my husband Jessica and I started texting we would like to have sex with each other we ended up making a deal where we would do it once before we got married Jessica was flirtatious to Mikey almost like they were closer friends than Jessica and I were we were having sex multiple times a week I was cheating on Cor while we were engaged to get married I had no idea the affair was going on we stopped having sex before I got married for a few weeks Jessica and I ended up having sex within a week after after I was home from my honeymoon and once we spent more time together I really started falling in love with I found out about the affair I felt like I couldn't breathe I felt like there was no way this was the Mikey that I married there was no way this was my life it was a horrible nightmare besides the fact that I enjoyed the sex and I enjoyed her company I had a wife and my son at home Who Loved Me What Hurts the Most is losing your whole life all in one day and never knowing if you're going to get it back I don't work regret anything that I've done with Jessica because it's been the best year of my life I know for a fact I love them both in my perfect world I would have them both by my side for the rest of my life okay now you go by Michael or Mikey Michael Michael yes sir okay now you you wrote to me right yes sir and what is your hope for being here today what would be the Home Run outcome for you from me personally right would be to leave here with both of them to leave here with both of them yes sir so there would be you and your now wife Carly and then Jessica and then you have a child with Cari and she has a child because she is married also right yes sir okay and in fact I I let's take a look at the wedding pictures so I can get the kind of the the SE meting chart all right here the dance card uh this is you with your wife on the left right that was at your wedding yes sir okay and then that's you sitting next to Jessica yes sir at her wedding yes sir so you were in her wedding yes sir what what I was the best man you were the best man in her wedding sir and she married your cousin cousin yes sir okay so she married your cousin you were the best man they have a child yes sir okay and were you happy in that picture with your wife very much so were you happy in that picture with Jessica I'm not sure how I felt in that picture yeah why would you not be happy then you didn't want her to get married I'm not sure how I I wanted him to get married okay but you you and Jessica were having an affair yes sir she became your mistress yes sir before you got married yes sir and before before she got married correct did you ever think about just getting married no sir tell me why not the original agreement was to stop when we got married and then both couples would live happily ever after and just be passed but that fell apart yes sir because you decided after you got married you decided to have sex one more time and was it just going to be that one time or were we just starting back up I guess it was just starting back up so your home run your your dream scenario would be for me to convince these two women that it would be reasonable to have a three-way relationship and just all live together Under One Roof and and be happy I wouldn't want you to have to convince them of that because I'd want them to do it because they wanted to do it okay so you just want them to want to I guess so all right well let's let's meet these women um Jessica who's having an fair with Michael and his wife Carly will y'all come on out okay I'm going to let y'all decide where you sit I want sit by him where where do you want to sit the side of him pardon on the side of him you want to sit there there or there well there's not a chair there can we move it pardon me can we move it can we move it no we can't move it because the camera angles and all that sort of thing it's about a love triangle huh it's about a love triangle well no it's about the way the lights are and all that but do you resent her sitting next to her husband no but you'd rather be there and have her over here MH well okay but you want to sit there yes I do tell me why because he's my husband and I'm here to try to work on our marriage and get what's mine who do you want to sit there both of them listen I think there are times in life where we come to threshold moments and it's important that at those threshold moments that we have the courage of our convictions that we have the courage of of of Truth and honesty we stop telling people what they want to hear we stop tiptoeing around we just say it straight out plain out and be honest we just have to resolve to just say you know what I'm just going to lay my ears back and just be completely honest here good bad or indiffer I'm going to tell the truth fair enough I mean do you get what I'm saying yes cuz we're at that moment if you don't get a resolution here today you're not going to get one I I promise you that uh cuz I may not be the the best there is in the world of psychology but I tell you what I do cut to the chase scene I put verbs in my sentences and get to the bottom line yes sir so so to do that and and you're going to get you're going to get my way if you don't tell the truth now who do you want sitting in that chair I don't know well man up and give me an answer I don't have an answer you don't have an answer okay how do you feel about that because let me tell you what he's not saying he's not saying he wants you in that chair I think he genuinely wants us both next to him uh-huh a seat for one if I knew who I want to sit in here I wouldn't be on the show right now okay I would have handled it a long time ago so you're still on the fence you could go either way or maybe I can't go either way you guys all got here last night right M okay did you sleep with one of these women last night we all have separate rooms I slept in my own room yeah did you have sex with one of these women yesterday here in La yes did you know what I meant when I said who' you sleep with I wasn't clear okay let me be clear do you have sex with one of these girls yes yesterday which one her my wife Carly and when you left town did you have sex with with one of them before you left town to come here let mean the few days before on Sunday no oh I don't think so okay not very memorable was it I think it was Saturday it wasn't with me I know that I think it was Saturday so maybe Saturday yall got together all right um tell me what your home run is for for this today I asked him what his home run was what is yours that I leave with him I want I mean my vows met so much and we have so much history and I feel like we really were like one so I don't really see how something like that just ends now she you guys were best friends right mhm in a sense were were you in either one of you in the other one's wedding we were in each other's wedding you were in each other's weddings like Bridesmaids what's the home run for you here what would you like to see happen I want to be with Mikey okay so what you're saying is she can just go be upset if she needs to you want to leave with her husband yes so you came here you want to leave with her husband you want to get married to her husband would you be at all concerned when you got married to her husband that he would have an affair on you with his ex-wife yes so that'd be a concern to you so you'd like her like out of the picture like move away or something no I mean would you just watch him real close in my perfect world it would we'd all still be friends but yeah it's not a perfect world I started dating corly when I was 17 she was 15 we were high school sweethearts and I loved spending every day with him it was definitely puppy love I just knew we were going to be together forever we were in agreement that nothing would tear us support until I caught my husband in bed with my best friend why are you not upset with him I am upset with him but when I look at him I don't see like a cheater or I don't know I just see the person I love okay so we had a great marriage so it's not like it was you don't see a cheater you just see the person you love is he cheating yes he's still cheating okay so you know that but you just don't see it right and this woman has interjected herself into your marriage she isleep sleeping with your husband you caught them red-handed in bed right yes it did what were they doing when you came in the room they heard the door open and they were both naked and they just kind of went in opposite directions really she hit behind the door and he went in the bathroom okay you hid behind the door why did you hide I have no idea first instinct but she eventually sat on the bed and kind of gave me this look like she was glad and like oh well so y'all had like a naked interview yeah I just I just looked at her and him and he wouldn't look at me so I was just like you know is this the first time they wouldn't say anything I kept asking she finally said it was the first time cuz they agreed they got caught that's what they would say that it was the first time and it obviously wasn't but it wasn't the first time was it not even close so how long have have you actually you guys been having a a sexual relationship a little over a year a little over a year and you've been married how long not a year yet not a so you were having an affair with her before you got married then you decided you were going to stop when you got married then you started up again did you ever plan to stop um had you fallen in love by that point so you were I mean I'd fallen in love by that point but I knew we had to stop because we were getting married and you say you're not going back off now right you say you you Unapologetic about this I mean not that I'm Unapologetic but I can't let him go well Jessica and her husband are now going through a divorce cuz she's married too as I said to to his cousin because of the affair with Michael now the cousin's not here cuz he said you know just aox on all of you I you know I just hell with you I'm out of here um but Jessica says she doesn't regret the affair one bit take a look I am very much in love with Mikey if I had to decide I'd rather be with Mikey than be friends with Carly I know that Carly and Mikey are married I don't agree with them still having sex but I deal with it it makes me feel angry if I had a say he would not be sleeping with his wife at this point knowing that they still get together really hurts because I feel like we just need a decision it's either to move on with your wife and make things work or Mikey and I put all of this behind us and just move forward and actually be a family if I could talk to Carly I would tell her I love you I hope one day you could forgive me but I have no plans on backing off or letting Mikey go you know how great Mikey is so I feel you should understand I am definitely scared I'll never feel this way again about another man as I do for Mikey does it upset you to watch that video very what what what about it upsets you that that should be me I mean look I mean they look like it's sick then it really is it's just like everything he has said to me over the years and leading up up to the wedding and after the wedding and it's like when I called them like texting and the way they would it's just like no conscience no guilt like you can just look me in my face tell me you love me promise me forever she could you know smile on my face and just act like nothing is going on it's just it almost seems like it's not even human like I don't get how people can be that way you said that other than this situation that you're basically an honest person other than this you admit that this is certainly a deceit but other than this that you generally are pretty straightforward honest person have you been honest with her about your degree of involvement yes sir with her so because we we asked you about that and and I wrote down what he said you told her that you'd only had sex one time because that was your pre-plan but he says quote Jess and I had sex while Carly was at work several times a week we had sex everywhere cars Parks hotels uh her marriage bed your uh home on on the couch at your at your house and according to you you say you guys were having sex almost every day uh right um since I'm sorry every day since we got busted you made a pack to stop but but you didn't how do you feel about all of that I mean you're off at work and they're everywhere all around I mean they're in Parks cars hotels your house their house just daily I mean obviously when I hear that I'm thinking there's really no hope for us at all because at the time I felt like we were at our happiest all that was going on so what's supposed to happen you know year or two down the road or however long when something you know we have a patch in our marriage what is he supposed to do then is he going to go find her or just any were at your happiest because of me I'm sorry I missed that they were at their happiest because of me oh I didn't miss it I thought that's what you said so you we were happy before you though not completely he would not have went and see out anything else I'm sorry he wouldn't what he wouldn't have SE out anything else okay so their marriage would was at its best because of you yes that's even came out of his own mouth how did that work what was therapeutic about you for their marriage he was happy to be with me I compliment him I gave him confidence which hers just felt kind of generic oh yeah you look good today basically of course you're going to give him compliments you wanted him you were in a failing marriage so he was telling you what bothered he was telling you what bothered him about me so of course you're going to be like okay let me okay that bothers you cuz she doesn't do this so and that's the thing he never had to tell me that okay well yeah you were my friend so I'm sure I was telling you that no you weren't because you were pretty fake well it was oh because I didn't want to tell you what was going on in my marriage no I'm not asking you to tell me yeah but you were with us so you knew Carly you know me and you were not close till towards the end okay should I get my phone and prove that text message that we talked about that last night I know that that's but that's not the question we're talking about right now to last night basically that she knows that we were not close through all of this we did not start getting close to we started even at planning the wedding she knews that that we weren't real friends basically the two of you weren't real friends we weren't we just we've been on and off again friends for years and well I I guess she called that one pretty right then didn't she you I mean are you criticizing her because she didn't cozy up to you cuz in fact at the time that you were not cozy enough you were sleeping with her husband yes I was I feel like the whole complimenting thing he kind of stopped listen listening to what I had to say because she was there you know he was listening more to her compliments than mine are you offended yes I'm very offended that she does not give him the love and the compliments that he deserves you're offended yes I am you're offended at her yes did you sleep with her husband yes don't want to bring that out we can bring it up Jessica bring I slept with her husband after this happened yes well after this do you object to her sleeping with her husband while you were sleeping with her wife course of course you do you of course I do do you think that's hypocritical yes very much so you think it's hypocritical but yet you're being honest so you say doesn't mean I don't feel that way I still feel it even though I recognize that it's kind of hypocritical of course Carly has always been kind of one of those people people who kind of mold herself into whomever she's around I really didn't like her that much until like I started seeing her through Mikey's eyes Mikey and I have a lot more in common than they do I just don't think she's the right girl for him I think she could move on and find someone a lot more like her well that's what Jessica thinks about Michael's wife Carly let's see what Carly thinks about Jessica I'm just so angry I don't even see how one friend could look their friend in the eyes and just not care have no guilt at all about it I definitely felt like Jessica was always trying to one up me I got pregnant she got pregnant I got engaged she got engaged we were looking for houses she started looking for houses I had breast augmentation surgery she had breast augmentation surgery the amount of betrayal and hurt and sadness and anger is built up inside of me and I doubt we could ever be friends again doubt we can never be be friends again the amount of textes I got we will be friends you never and you never been like that before you never went you were hot and cold where you want to be my friend and then not talk to me the next day yes I want to be your friend that was the whole deal through all of this I still love you and I still want to be with you we both were like that but I don't get why you can how you can laugh at that that's because that's ridiculous trying to one up you sweetheart that is how I feel and that is that that came from his mouth what is ridiculous trying to one up her like I would ever get pregnant on purpose no I know that and I've said that obviously yeah I was trying to war up you you got pregnant I got pregnant yeah that was just how I felt I felt like you were just I'm sorry you felt that way do you think that these two will ever be peaceful with each other sure because they talked last night they hung out several times last week so yall hung out last week what'd you do we went to the movies you went to the movies together we okay first of all we were all talking about the three-way obviously we were good friends at one time we both love him we had great times together as three so we thought it could maybe work we talked about it we would fight we thought think it can work we have a lot of fun let's try so we we I went to her house to talk to her about it it was okay next morning we're back to square one where neither one of us want that we want them alone we talk we're mad at each other we think it might work okay let's just go to the movies and forget about it all we go even while we're there there's tension we know deep down we know that it can't work we're just trying to see because we're just hoping for answers she says deep down she knows it can't work but after three months I get a text saying yes we're going to try the three-way relationship and I think that's what I always wanted I just didn't want to want that let let me go back over some of this because I'm just an old country boy from Texas and I you you're his wife and this is his mistress you catch them you you find out that they've been having this ongoing intimate relationship not just sexual but really intimate and you find out about all that and then under some Theory you go to her house to recruit her into a three-way relationship where you just all live together how'd that go I mean when I went to our house we were just talking about the positives of it you know pretty much what would those be I mean I can't speak for her but I just feel like we're both kind of desperate to just find an answer but desperate doesn't say I always wanted this are you like James Bond or something I mean you I wasn't the one that put all that together that day when they talked when I when they talked I wasn't there they came to me with the ideas and how it was going to work and the positives and all this they came to me with that and I told them if we're going to do it we need to commit to something not say we're going to do it next day no then few days later say we're going to do it next day no say so but that's what happened wow I need a break after I got caught having sex with another woman I lost my whole life as I knew it I lost my job our apartment I lost being with my wife and son every day everything just changed in that moment I lost my husband but I don't really feel he's that big of a loss but losing my home really hurts the part that hurts the most is splitting up their son's Family Christians missing out on things I feel like Mikey abandoned us for Jessica it's all worth it because I am in love with Mikey and I know that we can move past this and it be for all the right reasons I don't want to divorce Carly I want Carly to be my wife for the rest of my life but I want Jessica to be my wife also for the rest of my [Music] life okay so that's a Fair representation of what in a perfect world you would like yes sir okay do you believe that it is remotely realistic that these two women are just going to like become Sister Wives and live with you do you think that's a a realistic possibility or do you think that while it's what you would like probably ain't going to happen at one time I felt like it was a strong possibility now I still don't think think it's impossible but slim to none but I still think it's possible right let's let's play out some scenarios here let's assume that it's not a possibility what are you going to do that's happened over the last three months more than once and here we are same situation if you if you had to make a decision right now you you you had to push a button you had to push a Carly button or a Jessica button which button would you push me and Jessica get along great and I love being with her and me and her get together and we fight and argue but I understand why so it'd be very easy for me right now just to say Jessica and we go on and but a month from now or two days from now or a few hours from now I might be laying next to Jessica and think I made the wrong decision and I don't want to do this and I want corly but you see part of the process of of maturation where you you you you mature into different stages and phases in your life is you recognize that you have to make choices and then you have to live with those choices and sometimes you make the right decision and sometimes you make the decision right and and but one way or another you you work to come out the other end in a way that your life is not in a shambles emotionally or relationally or otherwise and and and that's where you are because let me let me ask you something are you waiting for him to decide what happens to your life I feel like I play different scenarios in my head like I feel like maybe it is on his hands but then again sometimes I'm thinking what am I even fighting for I tell her every day let's talk every day she tells me not today not today not today she's just going on you know doing whatever she wants to do so finally she talked to me she said you know what's up and I told her this we need to talk and decide where our life's going to go what hope do we have as a couple what and she basically sat there texting and like okay when is this conversation will be over so I can leave and when she got up to leave I said if there's any chance for us stay and talk don't leave and she said there's no chance for us we're done she left yeah I did feel like there was no chance for us cuz you we weren't spending time together there we weren't going anywhere it wasn't about you said you were hanging out with other guys and it's helping you get over me and you didn't love me that way anymore I never said that I never said I did not love you that way anymore I never said that I know that Mikey can't just drop his feelings for Jessica so even if we were to get back together he would still have feelings for her and I'm not really sure how I could deal with that I don't want to be with him if he's going to want to be with her or if he's going to think about her when we're trying to better our marriage when a piece of his heart is somewhere else you know there is an amazing Dynamic going on here you two are self-righteous and offended you're offended at her because she has the audacity to be in your way you're frustrated with her because she's ambivalent about you being with another woman it's not just about me being with her though it's about everything but this Catch 22 you're in you manufactured yes you're right you did you you created this you're how do you how do you feel about the fact that you're not enough for him I am enough for him no obviously you're not because he wants her too you're not enough he wants her too well I'll get to her in a minute I'm asking you how do you feel about that I feel like I'm enough well then what is she a potted plant I never said I can't be with either one of them obviously if the chances of all three of us not being together of course I want to be one of them I which one don't know are you you guys are missing something here because you're saying neither one of them is the clear standout choice for you right is that crazy little bit you're being naive if if you're saying no I'm enough I'm the one he I know that he wants me because that that isn't clear to him is it it's not clear to you which one of these you want right I want both of them it's clear to me that I want both of them there's an old scenario about this where you put a hay stack over here and a hay stack over here and you stand a a mule right in middle and it starves to death cuz it can't decide which way to go uh no I want to go and then you come up you find a dead mule in the middle of the hay stacks because he can't pick a hay stack so he's got a conflict he doesn't know which way to go so you find a dead mule and I don't mean to call yall Hy Stacks but I certainly don't mean to call you a mule although you are stubborn right you're very stubborn and not you you don't want to give this up you want to find a way to have them both right I mean they fued the fire of the three-way too and to make me think that that could work and to want to keep fighting for the relationship where you all lived in the same house yes sir I've been doing this longer than you've been alive and there ain't one chance in 10 million this is going to work it will never ever never work where you have them both it just there is there is no Theory under which it will work there's no way it will work you they could even agree that it would work and you could go sit down and say all right let's start doing it it would not work not ever never ever will it work now your mother has a view of this right um let's hear what she has to say Mikey I honestly am shocked about the fair I do think you should be ashamed of yourself I really wish that you would wake up and realize what you are about to lose if you haven't already lost it you're being very self centered not thinking about your family not thinking about your son did you think the affair would just go on and on I mean what were you think you she brings up a good point with your son what what's your thought about that do you think this flies above his awareness so it's not impacting him yet no I mean two us level but I mean I think it's impacting not living at home with Mom and Dad do do you feel at all bad about disrupting this family you don't feel bad about disrupting her marriage but you do feel bad about the family said I didn't feel bad about it really do you feel bad my actions are showing differently but it's not like I don't care about her I just care about him and I don't I mean I can't let go and sorry isn't going to cover it but I just can't what you're doing is you're you're interloping into someone else's marriage and I can tell you that that relationships that are born from infidelity almost never ever work just I mean statistically across time and everybody that's in it thinks they're the exception but they just don't ever work I'm I'm just telling y'all the truth and I'm going to also tell you that the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past Behavior you know if you're hiring somebody and you want to know if they're going to steal from you you can give them 10 psychological tests or you can call their prior employees and find out they stole from them because if they stole from them they're going to steal from you and if the boy cheating on you there's a good chance he's going to cheat on you in the future the best predictor of future behavior is past Behavior so no one should get in a relationship with either one of us ever again it's a highrisk in investment you need to finish one relationship before you start another one you need to cut her out of your life and work on this relationship if you are willing to do that and if you are willing to do that a lot of people are going to ask why it may simply be time for you to accept reality and move on he is a high-risk candidate and the chance that these two are going to stop what they're doing is close to zero would you say that's right would you say that's right now I mean these are the realities is there any more answer than that that you need you're young you can remarry you can have find someone in your life that treats you with dignity and respect because you are not being treated you are not being treated with dignity and respect now you are being disrespected and he does not look at you the way he looks at her and you know that a three-way relationship is absolutely unequivocally not going to work he is an extremely high-risk candidate for you to stay in a marriage with you are a high-risk candidate for anybody to get in a relationship with including you because I mean you may think you're Romeo and that you're different but if she'll do it with you she'll do it to you and if he'll do it with you he'll do it to you I know yall think you're the exception to that because you have this famous love but I just don't think that's true so you two either need to get into some serious therapy to try to work out a marriage and and some maturity in that marriage and I'm happy to provide that for you if you want that I will make arrangements for you back home to have some professional marriage counseling that will that will give you whatever chance you're going to have of making this work we'll do it at our expense we'll arrange it for you we'll make it we'll make it possible but I can tell you the first thing that therapist is going to do say you got to get out of relationship with [Music] her there's an old saying in Texas you can't ride two horses with one ass you got to make a decision and commit to it and if you want that I will do it but I'm I'm just being honest with you they will tell you the first thing you have to do is stop this relationship with her and if he's not willing to do that your path is clear you need to file for divorce you need to move on and and do something else in your life and get what you truly deserve and you believe she deserves somebody that's committed to her do you not very much so and if that's not him then do it the only thing worse than being in a toxic relationship for a year is being in it for a year and a day the only thing worse than a year and a day is a year and two days you got to move on and get out are you at all interested in doing any type of marital work here of course I would like to work on my marriage but I'm not sure I can 100% commit to that would would you like to do that I mean would you if I arranged for you to have a therapist to sit down with y'all would you would you want to do that I wasn't very confident with his answer I really feel like yeah you may not go beyond one session but I mean would you like to try it and see if there's something there to work with of course I do and maybe you know what may turn into is just some support for you to implement a decision and act on it um how would you feel about them going into therapy to work on their marriage and if that therapist said you need to stay out of here and give them a chance to work this out would you do that I promise you promis you would do that have you had a change of heart about that since you got here not changing my heart about my I'm just tired of doing all the wrong things well maybe it's time to start doing some of the right things for you and your child and and and let these people work on doing the right things for them and their child you know I've got some good news and some bad news the good news is life is about choices the bad news is life is about choices I mean it's not easy we really have to make choices and it's not always easy and like I say sometimes you just have to to commit to something and go in that direction and I know I'm going to hear from you on the message boards about this I I wish all three of these young people well um if you're in a similar situation and you need advice or to learn more about today's guest log on to my website drf.com do you have a story or a question for me click the link Link in the description and tell me what in the world is going on

Channel: Dr. Phil

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Id: CYYSg9DBVLE

Length: 37min 40sec (2260 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 21 2024