Starting Over • Part 1┃"Three Myths"

hey everybody welcome to your move I'm Andy Stanley today we begin a brand new series entitled starting over how to ensure next time won't be like last time stick around [Music] the title of this series is starting over in the subtitle is how to ensure next time won't be like last time how do we sure next time won't be like last night so if you're starting over a relationship you've just gotten out of a marriage and you want to get remarried you just lost your job you're flunked out of school these can be start overs that are completely your fault these can be start overs that are completely other people's fault and isn't it true it's mostly other people's fault so these are start overs no matter where you are if it's your fault somebody else's fault you got bumped out of that job you know you deserve to be let go you flunked out or the you know the teacher didn't do it right and it's not really your fault or the relationship didn't work out again whatever it is you're having to start over this series is for you and the reason that I am so excited about this is I've had a you know a front row seat to watching lots and lots and lots and lots of people through the years start over all kinds of things and it just breaks my heart sometimes to see the mistakes that people make and again it's always easier to watch somebody else's life and know what they should do we all have had that experience but when you see it so much at the time you just want to call a big timeout for the whole world you go okay can we all just stop a minute because there's some basic things that if we'd all just do right the next time we'll definitely be better from the last time and here's why this is an interesting thing we learn from our mistakes in the least in the areas that matter least we learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least i'm games if you're learning a new game board game you know you only make the same that mistake one time you won't make that mistake again sports if you're learning sports you're taking some sort of lessons for something to do better you know you learn pretty quickly hobbies putting toys together putting computers together texting you remember when you first started texting you made some really stupid errors and you said some things and other people got it it's oh and then you started direct messaging and if you're on twitter then you realize oh oh I just think I told everybody in the world I love you uh-oh you know enjoyed last night that went where oh my gosh you know how you so anyway you there's certain there are certain mistakes you only make them one time and then you've learned your lesson and in the areas that matter the least we seem to learn the most we've learned the quickest but we repeat unfortunately we repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most in the areas of finances relationships things we do with our kids things we do at work things we do at school and after we repeat the same mistake a few times and suffer the same consequences we ask ourselves this all-important question when will I learn when will I learn when will I learn and this is a really important question and the reason it's so important is because of this word right here I because the common denominator and all of your mistakes is you you follow yourself around wherever you go there you are and your greatest regrets there you are and for some reason you simply don't learn as quick sometimes in the areas that matter most as you do in the areas that matter least so again so for years and years and years I've sit around and I watch these things happen I watch people make mistakes and my thing is this and I say this all the time you know life has enough unavoidable pain I mean if you made every if you if every one of your decisions was perfect you're still gonna have pain in life they're still gonna be disappointment in life things are just gonna go wrong sometimes so why in the world add more pain to an otherwise somewhat painful existence why in the world would we do things to ourselves and so when I see people make unnecessarily bad decisions financially relationally professionally academically it just kind of breaks my heart because I think now that one could have been avoided so as we talk about starting over it's beginning next week I'm gonna give you three in a row I'm gonna give you three things that you've just you just absolutely have to do if you want next time to be better than the last time so but to kind of get us there today I want to explore real quickly three myths and as soon as I put these on the screen you're gonna go oh yeah I see that these this this isn't rocket science sometimes we just need somebody to surface for us the assumptions that we're operating from and here are three assumptions I think we all make subconsciously when we think about starting over or moving on to a different chapter of life so these three myths real quickly that drive people into bad decisions when they start over myth number one is this it's called the experience myth experience makes me wiser experience makes me win other words we think well since what does it mean in light of what I've just gone through I'm wiser for it so I need to just need to tell you experience does not make you wiser it makes you older it makes you tired it makes you poorer it makes you matter it makes you lonelier but experience alone does not make you wiser now the reason this is such a big deal is people say oh I don't need to read that I don't need to learn I'm ready to go I know what to do I know what to do I know what to do next I won't ever repeat that because I've had this bad experience you just need to know experience alone does not make you wiser and experience one time doesn't mean you're any more prepared for the next time then you were the first time so experience doesn't make you wiser here's the key evaluated experience is what makes you wiser so one of the things we're gonna do into three weeks that follow is I'm going to give you some tools to help you evaluate your experience now again what I put this up here nobody's like oh my gosh I never crossed my mind I mean this is true you know this is true by watching other people because you've watched other friends make the same mistakes over and over and over they never learned anything from the past yet they had a past they never learned anything from their previous experience but they had a previous experience so experience doesn't guarantee anything except that you've just possibly wasted some time but evaluated experience can be a game-changer evaluated experience sets you up for success the next time so consequently we're gonna do a little evaluation in the next three weeks the other the other myth is this it's called the no better myth since I know better I'll do better yeah you laugh because it's like this is an assumption since I know better I'll do better now I'll tell you where I got the terminology for this was talking to my daughter Allie she's 18 years old and a few weeks ago she came in and she were talking about some stuff and she said you know dad she said kids now she's a high school student since she's talking about her friends you know kids they think that just because they know the difference between right and wrong they're automatically going to do the right thing or they think they have the strength to do the right thing I said that's not just kids that's everybody there is an assumption we have that if now that we know the difference between right and wrong now that we know better then we'll automatically do better but know better does not equal do better right and this is why this is why if you're a parent or if you remember back when you were a kid your parents would say now and they would tell you what's right what's right what's right and make sure you don't make sure you don't make sure you don't and what would we say we would say aye that's right I know I know I know and what we were saying to them is mom dad since I know therefore I will do and they kept repeating themselves over and over and over and over and over because they know that knowing doesn't always equal doing but it's worse than that no better doesn't equal the ability to do better now here's why this is important when you think about starting over you can think well I've had this experience I'm wiser now that I know better I'm sure I'll do better there's no guarantee because in many cases in many cases knowing better doesn't equal the ability or the power or the self-control to do better so simply knowing better doesn't mean you're going to do any better next time around unless you evaluate your experience and unless you make some personal changes this is why for many of you your last bad relationship reflects your current bad relationship that's gonna be no carry on into your next bad relationship and you keep thinking what's wrong with all these people I'm dating a couple things number one you pick them you're bad picker or they're picking you and you don't know how to say no but there's some there's something you got to think and you've learned oh I've learned I've had experience I won't let that I know better I know better I know better and your friends are looking at you going ok you say you know better why are you going out with him well we're just friends that's what you said last time right so this is important knowing better doesn't mean you'll do better knowing better doesn't mean you have the strength or the power or the self-control to do better they are come they are two completely different things and in order to make sure that next time is better than last time you have to know that and you have to ask yourself the question okay if that's the case now that I know better what must I do before next time to ensure I actually do better the third myth is the time myth and this is the toughest one time is against me time is working against me the clock is ticking I'm not getting any younger that's right I'm not getting any younger the opportunities are coming the opportunities are going all the other people my age all the other people my age all the other people my age all my friends all my friends all my friends all my friends and so we think the clock is ticking I need to get on with it time's a-wasting I've learned my lesson I know better I've had a bad experience I'm ready to jump back in I'm ready to restart I'm ready to sign back up I'm ready to go out and ready to date I'm ready to be back on the market I've learned my lesson I'll never go there again and I got to get with it because the clock is ticking time is my enemy absolutely false in fact of all the myths this is the most destructive one I have a friend he and his wife mentor other couples who were about to get married and so this this particular gentleman is in a second marriage and so he and his wife they focus on couples who are moving into second marriages either for one or both people because there are specific things that happen in a second marriage that are more difficult second marriages are generally more challenging especially if you're blending families or you have kids or grandkids or you know there's you know still in a court battle I mean the second marriages can be very complex that they enjoy interfacing and spending time week after week after week with couples who are inter aunt or considering a second marriage and so I was talking to him not too long ago and he said something that I just completely confronts and I think if you'll allow it to dismantle this whole sense of I got a hurry I got a hurry I got a hurry he said this we always tell couples we always tell individuals who are considering a second marriage time is your friend it is not your enemy time is your friend we feel the opposite we feel the clock ticking we see the hourglass with the sand slipping away and he says and anyone who's been in that situation would tell you I understand the rush I understand the loneliness I understand oh my gosh and I understand what if he and what if she and you know what if the last ship sails and we get all that okay but time is your friend and this is true of just about every kind of transition from a first time to a second time this is true every time and in every arena where you're starting over and here's why because when you've gone through something difficult either because of a decision you made or a decision someone made about you the truth is you're a little bit out of balance and before you make another big life decision you need to find balance emotions are like a temperature you know they go up and they come down but often times they do not come down as fast as they go up and you're carrying a little anger you're carrying a little bit of a resentment you're carrying a little bit of jealousy you're carrying stuff you don't know about so consequently you're a little bit off balance your emotions are a little high you're in you're still dealing with some pain you know when your temperature your physical temperature goes up it's because there's something wrong in your body when your emotional temperature goes up it's because there's something wrong especially if it stays up and here's the thing here's the thing when you are in pain either physically well we know this physically when you're in pain physically you become very self-absorbed when you're in pain emotionally you become very self-absorbed it's not your fault it's the nature of pain if you've suffered with migraines you understand this when you're in the midst of an episode the last thing you want is for someone to talk to you engage you in a conversation ask you a difficult question ask you to do something for why well it's not that you don't love or care about those people it's just that when you're in pain you become self-absorbed it's the nature of pain you can't help that true of all physical pain emotional pain is the very same we're just not as aware of it so if people in emotional pain become self-absorbed I'll tell you where you've seen this you have some friends that are going through some tough things and every time you have a conversation with them you end up talking about their tough thing we need people that will enter into our pain with us and walk through it let us tell our same story over and over and over and let me guess and it's still her fault it was her fault last week it'll be her fine no it's that's just life now here's my point that's just part of the healing process but but self-absorbed people make self-absorbed decisions they just do you just do I just do we can't help that so consequently jumping into whatever's next before you've allowed the temperature to come to come down before you you know found your equilibrium before you found your find your balance is a dangerous thing and here's the thing as well when you are healthy you have clarity and when you have clarity you make better decisions and until you have clarity you have no business making decisions but that takes time and if you wait long enough if you wait long enough you will be able to hear later things later that you can't hear now there's some things you need to hear you can't hear them and it's not your fault it's just that you're not ready to hear them but there are things that you need to hear before you move on to whatever's next and not only are there things you'll be able to hear later on two weeks from now a year from now there will be some people that you're able to listen to that you can't hear from right now there'll be some people that you'll be able to hear from some people who right now are trying to speak into your life you just can't hear them and it's not because you don't want to you just can't time is your friend but it feels like your enemy now again listen to me say that you're like Andy yeah I know what yeah I know what you think I would think the same thing you're thinking Andy for everybody else I'm sure that's true but if I could come up there and tell you my story everybody would go oh you need to jump in you need to move you need to go No time is your friend and the reason people rush is because they are convinced personally that their situation is different I hate to tell you this because this might hurt your feelings okay your circumstances but maybe unique but you're not your your challenges may seem unique but you're not and after you hear enough stories you'll realize that not even your challenges and not even your circumstances you argue that all that unique here's the interesting thing as I was thinking through all this and trying to figure out there's so much you can say on this topic I thought I wonder if there's any illustrations in the Bible of people who had like a first time in a second time and as I begin to just think through the characters and the narratives in the Bible there are so many and I'm not gonna teach through these in fact the next three weeks we're not even gonna look at any of these but it's just so interesting the people that God used in a significant way the people that God used in a significant way whose stories are recorded in the old and new Testament every single one of them just about every single one of them had a first time a failure and then a second time the most famous possibly as Moses is born into the household of Pharaoh he realizes I'm not an Egyptian I may walk like an Egyptian talk like an Egyptian but I'm not an Egyptian I'm a Hebrew so he decides hey we need to do something about all this Hebrew slavery gets in a fight kills a guy has to you know basically he's excommunicated nice communicative but he's you know has to leave the country you know and then eventually he comes back second time around and he's the savior of Egypt in Israel rather it's the story that you know that made Moses famous but there was a first time and there was a second time a David King David the same thing he's anointed to be the king of Israel he goes to live with Saul who's the king he's living in the palace he's got it all going on Saul gets jealous kicks him out there's an interval of time David comes back and eventually he's the king the stories go on and on and on and on but here's the part of the stories that you're going to hate and that I hate in every single instance in the Old and New Testament where there was a first round in a second round there was an interval of years years for Moses forty years before he shows up for round two that's encouraging isn't it you're going right for David we're not sure somewhere between eight and twelve years by the term you know when he gets kicked out before he shows up again to be the king of Israel not only was there this gap of time two things emerged in these people's lives that I want to see happen in your life two things you know what happens they come back with these two things a divine sense of destiny and on an abiding humility a divine sense of destiny when they show back up it's like God is up to something and I get to be a part of it an abiding sense of humility no matter what God does through me I'm not gonna get all proud and arrogant about it and here's what I've seen then I'm gonna wrap this up as a listen to this part as I have watched hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people through the years navigate first time second time well and navigate first time second time third time not so well people who waited and allowed God to prepare them for what was next versus people who said time is wasting I got to jump in I've learned my lesson I know better I'm sure I'll do better here's what I've seen there is always more time and in between than they're comfortable with and when they get this right they emerge with this divine sense of destiny they come out on the other side and they say things like this God is up to something in my life God is a purpose for my life they even say things like this they say you know what I wouldn't I wouldn't trade anything for the lessons I learned in round one I wouldn't trade anything for what I learned in that tough relationship I know those people had no right to kick me out of the company and I didn't they promised me partnership next thing they know they sold the company I didn't get anything and you know what I was so angry I was such a victim it was devastating but I'm telling you what I learned what I took away I'm such a better person I feel like God has something for me they emerge from those situations when they handle them well with a sense of destiny and this sense of abiding humility that God is up to something now that's not natural I understand that but you know what I want that for you and here's why because many of you are gonna have to start over with something and you might as well get it right and you might as well allow God to redeem which means add value to your past instead of you looking back and thinking what a complete waste of time what a complete waste of and here's why this is important and this isn't a bad thing this is just a thing thing when we start off in anything new we we dream big dreams we have big ambitions and I think God put that in us I don't think it's a bad thing so if you're about to get married you're gonna have like the greatest marriage we're gonna have like the greatest passion field get along married you're gonna be a great marriage we're gonna have like a pretty little house it's all gonna be perfect I'm gonna go to the University of fill-in-the-blank you're just sure you're gonna go there I'm gonna get a graduate degree I'm gonna take my father's company I'm gonna start a company or I'm gonna work my way up so we have visions and dreams and we jump in and we pursue all that and we should the problem is and there's I don't think there's any way around this but in round one of everything it's just really about us and if you pray this is how you pray god help me to make an a you know god help me to find the perfect person for me so we can have a marriage that reflects you butts a lot of fun too and God help you know in the end I don't think anything's wrong with that but but the thing is in every first round of just about anything even if you're a Christian it's just kind of about us it's how we pray it's how we plan and then we discover life's not perfect there are no perfect marriages and there are no perfect kids and there are no perfect families there are no perfect jobs and life is life is just messy but here's here's what I've discovered that when you're emerging from around one of whatever it is and that doesn't mean you're not going to be successful or successful in some of the things you do I don't mean that I mean when life bumps you out somebody else bumps you out or you bump yourself out if you will allow God to do something between round one and round two if you will allow God to do something in you before you start over you will move into the next phase or the season of your life with a sense of destiny and there's a sense of humility I'm gonna work hard I'm gonna set goals I'm gonna do my best I'm gonna reach for the stars but I'm doing this under the canopy that God is up to something and I'm giving God all the credit I'm working hard I'm more disciplined than I've ever been I'm gonna you know do all the stuff you need to do but I don't feel like everything hinges on me any I already did that once devine since the destiny and abiding sense of humility now you know people like that you're you're sitting with some people like that today you're maybe you're watching with some people like that today maybe you're one of those people I just you know want that for any of you there in the midst of a transition because the next time can be better than last time so I want to leave you with one verse today next week we'll look into some more passages of Scripture but I want to leave you with the verse that if you grew up in church you've heard many times you've heard possibly talked about before if you're not a church person you may have heard somebody reference this and maybe you didn't even know it was in the New Testament but it comes from the Apostle Paul who certainly had a big round one and then a even bigger round - with 14 or so years in the middle having done some things that he was so embarrassed about a past I mean the Apostle Paul dragged around a past that was so embarrassing that it was difficult for him in the early years to even be around Christians because all of the Christians he was around knew what he had done and it was embarrassing it was public and there was nothing he could do to make it go away and yet he saw God leverage that and actually used his past to set him up for what he was to do in the future so with all that in mind he writes to some Christians who live in Rome and here's what he said he said and we know which means Paul says we're confident about this and we know that in all things and all things in this context are all circumstances that no matter what has happened no matter what you've done no matter what was done to you the Apostle Paul says I'm telling you God's grace is as big as your experience God's grace is as big as anything that's happened to you or anything that you've done we know that in all things check out these next two words God works God works this is so powerful it means that if you get this right it means that if you're willing to take a deep breath maybe hit the pause button back off a little bit decide hey just because I've had an experience doesn't mean I've learned anything just because I know better doesn't mean I'll do it do any better he says if you will allow him to God will work through and in even that segment of your life that chapter of your life that weekend of your life that week that experience of your life that you think I just wish it would go away I've got to start over and I can never look back the Apostle Paul says here's what we know God can work and use all things and here's what we're gonna talk about for the next three weeks God wants to use all things my opinion if you don't allow God to use all things then all those things will come back to haunt you but if you respond in such a way that you allow God to use all those things all those things will show up in the future and potentially benefit you and benefit someone else he continues and we know that all things God works for the good of those who love him and in this context it's those that have said god I want you're way more than my way God I love you which means I recognize your God and I'm not your the Lord and I'm not your the Potter I'm the clay your will is more important than my will he says for all of those who love God that God works and can use anything and work through anything and redeem or bring value to anything to those that love God and then here's how he completes this and who have been called according to his purpose this is so big I've seen it some of you've seen it some of you don't believe it some of you think no if I told my story I'd be the exception but I'm just telling you God can leverage purpose out of anything if you invite him to your heavenly Father can leverage and bring purpose to anything if you will allow him to but if you rush if you just move on if you think you've learned all the lessons if you don't think there's anything to evaluate you will simply have another round reflects the first round and possibly you've learned nothing and there will be nothing to leverage and there will be nothing good that comes from it until you're finally willing to submit and to surrender to the Heavenly Father who loves you so that's what we're gonna talk about how to do that for the next three weeks because the good news is this next time can be better than last time but not just because you want it to but because you're gonna plan for it to be not just because you want it to be better we all want it to be better but we together for the next three weeks are gonna learn how to plan for it to be we're gonna just do away with those myths just because I had an experience doesn't mean I've learned anything just because I know better doesn't mean I'm gonna do better and just because I'm in a hurry does it mean that I need to be in a hurry and while it looks like time is wasting perhaps it's in that time that God is working and preparing a better future for [Music]

Channel: Your Move with Andy Stanley

Views: 65,012

Rating: 4.8756218 out of 5

Keywords: Andy Stanley, Your Move with Andy Stanley, Your Move, better decisions, fewer regrets, What do you do when your life falls apart?, how to pick up the pieces, start over, how to, starting over again, starting all over again, starting over at 40 with no money, starting your life over at 30, divorce, death, loosing a loved one, failure, mistakes, failure quotes, fail meaning, fail, why failure is good, failure motivational

Id: LXIKFEQYEg4

Length: 27min 43sec (1663 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 05 2018