Today's message is
entitled as I mentioned, "Rules for the Road,
Rules for the Road," five tips, five tips to ensure that you reach
your destination safely. But of course my real
intent in this message is to take these road
rules or rules for the road and apply them to
our daily lives. Because Tom Cochrane, who
actually wrote that song, is exactly right. The beginning of
the song says this, life is like a road you're on. Life is like a road
that you travel on, when there's one day here
and the next day gone. We only get to live
each day one time. But the road of life or
the adventure of life is actually more
complicated than a highway because we are all born or we come equipped
with rear view mirrors. What we don't come equipped
with is a reverse, right? There are no do overs. You only get to
do your 20s once. And you look in the
rear view mirror and you see how you did
your 20s and you're like, I would like to go back
and do some of that. And then you look, and it's
just park and it's drive. And park is only
momentary, right? But we just can't go back. You can't go back and redo your
30s or that first marriage, or raise your kids again or
raise that first child again, 'cause the third one came
along and you thought, I think I kind of
overloaded the first one. So we all have regrets because we all have
a rear view mirror, but there are no reverses. And some of us if we're honest
it's temperament personality, we spend a way too much time
looking in the rear view mirror of our lives and
obsessing on our regrets. But the truth is the future
from this moment forward is like a road we're on and it's what we do
from this point forward that makes all the difference. And of course we can
learn from our mistakes, but you can't live your life looking in the rear view mirror, just like you
shouldn't drive looking in the rear view mirror
and especially with life. Because again, there's
just no way to go back. And this is what we
all have in common, whether you're a person of
faith or not a person of faith. We all wanna get
the future right. We just all wanna get it right. And we all wanna arrive
safely in some destination. And you may be a goal. Somebody sets a lot of goals. I'm not really set
a lot of goals. I have some sort
of high level goals that I keep little
bulletin board in my closet that deal with my family. And just a couple of
high-level things. Some of you are very
detailed goal setters, but everybody,
everybody listening,
everybody in the rooms, you can stand up and say,
okay, at a high level, here's what I want my
future to look like. Here's what I want my future
to look like relationally, financially, with
my kids or hopefully when I have kids one day
or wanna get remarried, whatever it might be. So we all kind of
have a general idea of where we wanna end up
in this season of life and where we wanna end
up in life in general. And hopefully these five
rules will help you get there. So five rules for the road. I'm gonna do this pretty quick. All super practical. Just a heads up,
if you came today looking for deep,
deep, deep Bible study, we just did that for
nine weeks, okay? So this is just a summation
of just some practical things that help us move
forward with life. So rule number one,
rule number one, don't travel alone,
don't travel alone. We say this all the
time around here, that life is better connected because you were
made for community. That life is better connected because you were
made for community so you travel with friends. You just don't allow
yourself to get isolated. And in certain seasons of life, because of the pain and the
things that we've gone through, and again, personality,
there's always the temptation to be a little bit isolated. So I wanna encourage you to
ignore that voice in your head, ignore that voice in
your head that says, I don't need anybody because
you were created to live in and to operate in community. You do need some
bodies around you. We were created for that,
but who we do life with oftentimes determines
how our lives go, right? And one of the tricks, then
one of the things that, again, I'm gonna put some
language around something we've all experienced
from time to time. The trick in life when it
comes to who we do life with is don't simply gravitate
toward acceptance. Don't simply gravitate
toward acceptance. Acceptance is a powerful,
powerful draw, right? But don't simply gravitate
toward acceptance because that can be a trap. Acceptance is magnetic and
where this is most important is in the transitions of life. You're leaving high
school to go to college. You're leaving college
to go to grad school. You're leaving grad school
to start your first job. You're leaving the city
to go to another city. You've just gotten
out of a relationship and you're looking for
a new relationship. You've just gone
through a divorce. You kind of hit pause
for a couple of years, and now you're open
to start dating again. And every single
transition in life, and every single
transition in life, especially relationally,
we are prone to gravitate toward acceptance. That is the person or the
people that accept us first oftentimes without
giving much thought to it become the people that we
spend a season of life with. And again, if you've
raised teenagers, you know how powerful this is. Again, if you changed schools
or you went to a new job and you walk in that first
day and you don't know anyone, or you come to a new city,
you don't know anyone, or you come to a new church
and you don't know anyone, isn't it true that the
first group of people who reach out to you and
extend some sort of invitation to do something,
invitation to travel, invitation to
participate in something, it feels so good because
you don't know anyone else. And before you know it, you
are doing life with people who may not be
anything like you, who you normally wouldn't
even necessarily like, but because they accepted you, I mean we are all
acceptance magnets and we all just flow
toward acceptance. So when it comes to
who you do life with, don't simply give into the
magnetic draw of the person or the first group
of people who show up and extend an invitation. Even though they probably
may be great people and as sincere as they
could possibly be. Because the people who get
on the inside of our lives often determine the direction
and the quality of our lives. And don't simply be content. This is so important. Don't simply be
content to do life with people who
share your tastes. And oftentimes the
connecting point is tastes. We like the same music. We like the same restaurants. We're in the same generation. We're from the same
part of the country where we share certain tastes. Look for people,
this is so important, especially in the transitions. Look for people who
share your values. You know what a value is. A value is what you
have predetermined is most important to you. There are things that are
most important to you, and when you find people and
sometimes you kinda gotta move through some groups of
people, good people, wonderful people, just
not the right people. When you can find people that
you share your values with, they had the same
values that you have, even though they may not
eat at the same restaurants or go to the same concerts. When you are able to do life, begin to do life with people
who share your values, they will have your back. You will have their back. And there is a synergy of
values that will ensure that at the end of
this season of life, that you will still be
prioritized around the things that you have decided are
most important in life and most important for you. And you'll get the
most out of life. You'll get what you
want most out of life. And again, who we do life
with, who we travel with, often determines the direction
and the quality of our lives. In fact, if you have children at any of our
ministry environments, one of the principles that we
come back to with children, middle school and high
school over and over and over is this statement. Your friends determine
the direction and the quality of your life. Your friends determine
the direction and the quality of our lives. Or to put it within
this context, our friends determine
the direction and the quality of the trip. So who we surround ourselves
with, who we do life with is so extraordinarily,
extraordinarily important. And this is not to say, and if you've been a part of
what we do for a long time, you won't misunderstand me. But if you're new, I
wanna make sure you don't. We're not saying that
anyone is unimportant. We're not saying that
anyone is less important. What I'm saying is this, when
it comes to that inner circle, who you're traveling
through life with, surround yourself with people
that embrace your values. The author of Proverbs
said it this way. And again, this is one of the
anchor verses for children in middle school and
high school students in all of our ministries. The author of
Proverbs wrote this. Whoever walks, does
life with the wise, automatically over
time becomes wise. And wisdom, we talk
about this all the time. Wisdom is understanding and
living as if life is connected. That what happens
today impacts tomorrow, that what happened yesterday is gonna show up in my life
today, that life is connected. And so the author of
Proverbs says this. When we do life with,
when we walk in life with, when we do life with
people who are wise, who understand that
life is connected, that I've gotta be
disciplined in this season because of what I want in the
next season, you become wise. But then there's a contrast
because the literate Proverbs, literature always
has this contrast, sometimes two, sometimes three,
but the companion of a fool, and this is so interesting. The companion of a
fool, and a fool, Proverbs literature
or literature that's
primarily Proverbs, there's a specific
definition for a fool. A fool is someone who
lives live without care or who is careless. That's like, this is
what I'm gonna do today. Yeah, but how's that
gonna impact you tomorrow? Well, that's tomorrow, this is
today, life is disconnected. The companion of fools... And it's interesting. He doesn't say the companion
of fools will become a fool. I mean, walk with the
wise, you will become wise. The companion of fools doesn't
necessarily become a fool. This is why giving into
the gravitational pool of a group of people
can be so dangerous if we're not careful. The companion of fools
may never become a fool, but the companion of fools will
suffer the same consequence as a fool because that's
who they're traveling with. That's who you're
traveling with. So bottom line is kind of this. Travel with people who are
taking care of themselves, because if they're taking
care of themselves, they will help you
take care of yourself and you will help them take
care of themselves as well. So don't travel alone. Now rule number two is kind of an offshoot
of rule number one. Rule number two is simply
this: don't pick up strangers. Don't pick up strangers. Now I need to define
stranger, okay? A stranger is someone
who is strange. (congregation laughing) That's what a stranger is. Or now, honestly, we're all
a little bit of strange, a little bit strange
to somebody, right? Let's just say someone who
is stranger than you, okay. That's what I mean
by a stranger. My mom who passed
away a few years ago was very, very outgoing. My dad, not so much outgoing. And my mom, wherever she went,
she would just meet people. And she was very friendly. She would begin conversations
with people in line. She would begin conversations
with strangers all the time, and this would kind of
get on my dad's nerve. And he would say to her, this was kind of
one of their things. How your parents
had like a thing, this was one of their things. He would say, "Annie," her
name was Anna Margaret. He called her Annie, he said, "Annie, don't talk
to strangers." I can remember here my dad says, "Annie, don't talk
to strangers." And my mom would say,
"Well, after I meet them, they're not strangers anymore." (congregation laughing) So my mom is literally a
person who never met a what? - [Congregation] A stranger.
- She never met a stranger because she was so outgoing and which was a great trait. So what I'm not
saying, I'm not saying, don't meet people and
don't be friendly, okay. And the reason I
tell you that story is this part of the story. When I was in college, she flew to North Carolina to
spend some time with her mom. When she came back,
I'll never forget. We're kind of gathered
down in the kitchen. And she said, she put
her hands on her hip. She said, "Well, I
finally met a stranger." And what had happened
as she was flying back and she was sitting
next to a guy and he had had a little
bit too much to drink, and I'll just leave it there. She finally met a stranger, but it was so funny
to hear her say that because it wasn't like she
didn't have guardrails. It wasn't like she
wasn't dialed in that there's just some
people in the world that you just need
to be careful around. She was super friendly, but
she understood at some point, there's a, you know what? I can't travel with you. So bottom line on this
one is simply this. Be kind, that's a
fruit of the spirit. Be kind but be careful. Careful of who you
allow in your vehicle. Careful about who you allow in the inner circle
of your life. We are kind to everyone. We are patient with everyone. We're compassionate and
generous with everyone, but be careful who you
allow in the inner circle, because it goes back
to rule number one. He who walks with
the wise goes wise, the companion of fools. You may never be a fool, but if you're too
close to the people who aren't living life
according to your values, when something happens to them
it may happen to you as well. So I wanna just kinda ask
this question as we move on. Do you have any
strangers in your life? Do you have any strangers you've allowed into
the inner circle? And let me tease that
out a little bit. Is there any one
you're doing life with if you're real honest that
they make you less healthy, they cause you to
doubt yourself. They seem to always be slowly and maybe suddenly chipping
away at your values. They're kind of
dismissive of your values. And at times you're almost
intimidated to be yourself because of how
they're gonna respond. In fact, over time,
you have found yourself becoming a different person
when you're around that person. That is a stranger and you
need it to drop them off. God loves them. You can't handle them. God loves them because... And I used to teach
this principle to
high school students and college students
all the time. They'd be like, yeah
but God loves everybody and blah, blah, blah, hey,
wait, hold on, come here. Look, God loves them. You can't handle them. Maybe someday you will be able
to handle a person like that. But if you, if your life is
being bent and moved and drawn in a direction that creates
tension on the inside, dings your conscience, you
find yourself doing things you never intended to do. You find yourself
drifting from your values. You find yourself
being dishonest with another group of people because again suddenly
you find yourself, there's just too much duplicity. You're kind of living
two different lives, that's a stranger. And you need to drop them off. And there's nothing more
difficult perhaps than ending what seems to be a
friendship or a relationship. But for the sake of
that other person who needs someone
else in their life to perhaps bring them
back to a sense of balance in terms of life in
general or perhaps faith, for their sake, for your sake, you might need to drop them off. Go back to the car
thing for a second. You would not
repeatedly loan your car to someone who
repeatedly trashed it. So don't loan yourself to someone who repeatedly
trashes you, okay. So that's rule number two. You got so quiet on
that one, so intense. Okay, rule number three. You say, Andy, I thought
this was supposed to be fun. It's kind of fun. Okay, rule, number
three is this. I want you to choose, when
you're traveling, right, you choose a destination. You don't just travel, right? You choose a destination
and borrow a map. This is kind of
a two-part thing. Choose a destination
and borrow a map. Here's what I mean by
choose a destination. Everybody ends up
somewhere in life. I mean, goals, no goals. Destination in mind,
no destination. Time just goes by. And if you've got the
health to endear your 30s and your 40s, your 50s, your
60s, your 70s, your 80s, your 90s, maybe you
become a centenarian, you live to be a
hundred years old, everybody ends up
somewhere in life. The when, just humanly speaking, and the when in terms of
being a Jesus follower, the when is to end up
somewhere on purpose, right? And just as on a long road
trip, there are multiple legs. The first day, we went here,
second day, we went there, third day here, stay two
days there, fourth day. Just that there are multiple
legs on a road trip, there are multiple
seasons in life, right? Multiple seasons in life. And it is so important
in each season of life to determine your
destination in that season. Now you've all
already done this. We've already done this. I mean, you got in
elementary school, your parents said
your destination is to get out of fifth grade
and to get into middle school. So they said like, okay, you got out fifth
grade, middle school. Then you got into middle
school and your parents said, and you decided I'm getting
out of middle school. My destination is gonna be
to show up the correct fall in ninth grade. So this whole idea of setting
a destination for each season, we grow up with some sort
of a paradigm or a template that teaches us that. But once we get out into the
work world and the job world, it's easy to lose
sight of the fact there are still seasons of life. There's single season and
there's married season and maybe first marriage. And there's a gap in
the second marriage and there's kids and
there's grandkids. I mean, there's
all these seasons. In each season of life, you
need to choose some vague or general or maybe specific
sense of a destination. It's important to choose
that in each life. Determine, essentially determine what you want your life to
look like in each season or in this season. Here's why, again,
this is so important. Obviously you don't wanna drift. Nobody wants to drift. And if we don't decide,
here's the thing. If we don't choose what we
want this season to look like or what we want to look like
at the end of the season, if we don't choose, circumstances and people
and life in general, they just decide for us because the days
keep clicking by. The days keep... Life is a highway, another
day, another day, another day, rear view mirror. Oh, oh, no, reverse, another
day, another day, another day. So why wouldn't we just decide? Because again,
life is connected. This season leads to the next. If I don't set the correct
destination for this season, I won't be prepared
for the next one. This is what wisdom dictates that I am thinking
about this season, not simply in light of
what's right ahead of me, but right in front of me, but
ultimately what's ahead of me because one season
leads to the other. Each season builds
on the other, right? And you know this: wishing won't get you there. Someday I wanna meet someone. Someday I'd like to
be happily married. Someday I'd like to have kids. Wishing won't get
you there, right? Someday I wanna be
successful financially. Someday I wanna get
good at graduate school. Someday, someday, someday. That's a wish,
that's not a plan. It goes back to what I call
the principle of the path. We've talked about
this in the past, that direction,
direction, not intention, determines our destination. This is true when
you're driving. This is true when you're living. It's the direction,
not the intention that determines your
destination, okay? You can drive north with the
intention of going to Key West. You will never get to Key West. I don't care what your
intentions are, right? You can intend and you can
pray and you can trust God and you will end
up in Canada, okay? Intention is almost irrelevant. Intention should lead us quickly
to some sense of direction. So in every season of life,
in every season of life, we need to choose what
the destination is. Not for our entire lives,
but for the season, because the seasons
are connected. And if we're not prepared
for the next season in this season, then when
we get to the next season, well, duh, we're
just not prepared. Again, it goes, I mentioned
this a minute ago. You only get to do
your 20s one time. You only get to do
your 30s one time. You only get to do
your 40s one time. You only get to do a
first marriage one time. You only get to do the raising that son of yours just one time. And again, you be better
prepared for the second or the third child
but that first one, I mean, that daughter, we
only get to do this one time. Again, two rear view
mirrors, no reverse. My dad had sort of a version
of this same statement that he had in his office. I don't know if he made it
up or he found it somewhere, but as a kid, you remember
things in your house. And this is one of
the things I remember, little plaque that
said this, discipline. Discipline, not desire,
determines our destiny. And do you know
what discipline is? Discipline is in this
season, in this season, I wanna make sure
I'm disciplined
enough in this season to prepare myself
for the next season, because life is a highway and
there's another destination. And there's another destination
coming down the road. Decide now so that when you
get to the end of this season, you'll look back on what
you need to look back on to, ensure that you're ready
for the next season. When Sandra and I
had little kids, I mean, they're all
this little and smaller. At one point, we had three in
diapers for about a minute. And then Sandra didn't
like me to tell that story. But anyway, our oldest, we just
decided you're potty trained and we just kinda
moved on and... (congregation laughing) He eventually was,
but you just can't. I mean, three in diapers,
it's just too much. And that season, it's so busy,
like I need to tell you that. It's just there's just
stuff coming and going. There's always more
opportunities than time and there's always
more friends than time and there's always
more hobbies than time. And so we just decided
in that season, we came up with a list. We called it our no-for-now,
but-not-forever list. No-for-now,
but-not-forever list. In other words, here
are some categories of things we're
just not gonna do. We're not gonna, next
Thursday, can you do this? Let me check the calendar,
that just drives you crazy. We just decided there
are some categories. I'm not gonna tell
you what they were because you gotta come up
with your own categories, but sometimes in
a season of life because of what you
want to accomplish and because of what's most
important in that season, you just have to prioritize
and say, you know what? This is not a bad thing. This is just a no thing for now. And then when we get through
this season, it's a yes. No for now, but not no forever. Those are the kinds
of decisions you make once you've decided
what is most critical in this season of my life? When you're in school,
you gotta do that. When you're starting a new
job, you gotta do that. When you're beginning
a new relationship, you've gotta do that. When you're beginning a new
marriage, you have to do that. When you raise your kids. No for now, but not forever. Because what, because
of the destination I've determined for myself
in this season of life. Now the second part of
this is borrow a map. And here's what I mean by that. Somebody has already been to where you're hoping
to arrive, right? I mean, somebody has
already been there. They'd been there
and they've done that and they've done it poorly,
or they've done it well, but somebody has traveled
this road before. And here's the thing, and
this is kind of insulting. But when you transition
into a new season of life, you don't know
what you're doing. How could you? You've never done it before. I mean, the ultimate
example of that is... We had our first child and we stayed a couple
nights in the hospital and the nurse comes in and
says those awful things. This is what she said. She said, she smiled when she
said it, but it was terrible. She said, Mr. Stanley, if
you'll pull the car around to the front entrance
of the hospital, I'll bring Mrs. Stanley
down and Andrew, and you can go home. (congregation laughing) I thought, by ourselves? (congregation laughing) I don't even know how
to change a flat tire. You're sending me home
with a baby, right? Would you come home... Is there anyone who
could come home with us? I mean, do you
remember this is like, I don't know what I'm doing. Well, in other seasons of life, we just think we know
what we're doing, but how could we possibly know? Every season of
life is different. So the wisest thing you
could do is find somebody and borrow their map. Another illustration right
now, our small group, our community group, we've all
been married 30 to 33 years, everybody in our
community group. And so it's hard to decide
what are we gonna study? And you know what
the felt need was? The felt need was how do
we parent adult children? Now, for some of you, you're
thinking, is that even a thing? It's a thing, isn't it? All of you parenting
adult children. Isn't that a thing? It's like, you're saying,
I thought parenting ended when they went off to a
job or off to college. No, it's just another
season of parenting. So we don't know
what we're doing. And after our first
couple of meetings as a small group on this topic, we realized we don't
know what we're doing. And we found a book. Somebody has written a book
on how to parent adult kids, like kids who have left home
and are getting married. And so that's what
we're studying. You know why? 'Cause we don't know
what we're doing. But somebody has written a map and somebody has investigated. And this is what
I'm talking about. You need to find
somebody's map, okay. And the other way to do
this is you know some people who've kind of down
the road from you and sort of accomplished what you hope to accomplish
either professionally or academically or maybe
marriage and family. And here's my suggestion. You get their email
address and you email them and you don't say,
will you mentor me? Don't ever ask anyone
to mentor you, okay? You send them three questions. You say, you know
what, my wife and I, or hey, I've just got
into this new job. Or I've just moved to
the city or whatever. And I have three questions. Here's the three questions. Would you meet me for coffee
or I'll buy you dinner if you'll just answer
these three questions. And essentially what you're
saying is I want your map. Then don't say I want your
map 'cause they're like, what? Okay, so they'll think
you're just a stranger. And then we already
covered that, okay. (congregation laughing) They'll think you're strange. So this is your way of
saying, tell me what you know. And here's the
thing about people who are a season
ahead of you in life. And I'm a season
ahead of some of you. We don't know how much we
know until someone ask. We have small groups with
young married couples or newlywed couples. And it is so fun as somebody
who's been married a long time to drop into one of those groups 'cause you show up. And what Sandra and I spent
a whole year one time, instead of doing
our own small group, we just went from
group to group to group with the young married couples. And in the first couple
times, well, the first time we were like, so scared, like,
oh, what are they gonna ask? And we got in the
car afterwards. We thought, we know a lot. We just know a lot. You just don't
know what you know, until somebody who doesn't know begins to ask you
questions, okay? So one of the best
things you can do is you can reach ahead
a generation and say, hey, show me your
map, show me your map. You might be familiar with
what's called the Vernon Law. You may have heard this before, even though you didn't
know it was called this. Here's what the Vernon Law is. That experience
is a hard teacher because it gives the test first
and the lesson afterwards. Experience is a hard teacher because, oh no,
I failed the test and now I realize what
I should have known. The only way to avoid
this is to get ahead and invite information authors
or people into your life in this season so
when the test comes, you will already have had the
lesson and acknowledging... Come on, you know this. Acknowledging what
you don't know, and inviting somebody
into that space where you just aren't exactly
sure, that's not weakness. Asking for help isn't
weakness, it's maturity. It's a sign of wisdom. Again, the author of
Proverbs puts it this way. Listen, he says, listen to
counsel, listen to counsel. Now don't raise your
hand or elbow anybody. But some of us guys, it
is so hard to take counsel from other people. It's an ego thing,
it's a pride thing. I am as guilty as anybody else. I just have to, just exhale,
don't bow up, don't power up. Don't say, you want me to
tell you what I you know? Just shut up Andy
and just listen. Listen to counsel and
accept discipline. You know what this means? It means accept the
fact that you're wrong. (congregation laughing) If you don't accept the
fact that you're wrong, you will continue to be what? - [Congregation] Wrong.
- Wrong, right. My goal in life is to never
learn anything new and oh, no. Nobody wants to end up there. So he says, listen to
counsel, accept discipline, that you may be wise and listen to this
proverbial promise. You'll be wise the
rest of your days. Here's what that means. You'll be wise in this season
and prepare in such a way that you're ready for
the next season. You'll be wise for
the rest of your days, because if the pattern, this
is a pattern and a habit, if the pattern and
the habit of your life is to be open to the counsel
and the wisdom of others, even people who aren't
as smart as you, even people who aren't
as accomplished as you, even people who aren't
as successful as you, and even people who
aren't as educated as you. I just covered all the reasons
that many of us are like, oh I can't listen,
oh I can't listen. What have they
ever accomplished? Well, wait, wait, what? He says, just listen to counsel and you'll be wise for
the rest of your days. So choose a destination
and this leg of the journey or in this season
and borrow a map and perhaps you'll get
where you're going with... Boy, you'll get there
faster and with less regret. Rule number four,
gotta keep going. Rule number four, pay
attention to the signs. Pay attention to the signs. Okay, road signs are
there for our protection as well as our direction. Many of us, some of us, some
of you think that those signs are for other people, right? Those are for what
other people need to do. I don't need to slow down
the car, I'm a good driver. Yellow light, that
means speed up, right. So I can get through
the intersection. And then when we see other
drivers ignore those signs, what do we think? Idiot, putting other
people's lives at risk. Sometimes it's hard to see the
idiot in the mirror, right? And the same is true in
life for all of us, right? Again, the author of Proverbs, and this is a verse I've
encouraged you to memorize. I hope you've memorized it. If not, you gotta
memorize this verse. Maybe I just feel
compelled to say that because of the role
it's played in my life. The prudent, the wise, the people who know
that life's connected. The prudent see the
signs and they respond. The prudent see danger
and they take refuge. The prudent see the signs and
they respond to the signs. Wise people pay
attention to the signs, the signs of what's going
on with their friends and paying attention to what
I see going on with my kids. And I'm paying attention to
some stuff I see going on with my marriage. And you know what? I'm paying attention to what
I see going on financially. We're not in trouble
yet, but you know what? I need to slow
down in that curve. I see what's going
on professionally. I'm not gonna just
live in La La land and pretend everything's fine. I'm gonna pay
attention to the signs. It's always tempting
to ignore signs. It is most tempting to
ignore signs relationally. But relationships are
like a combustible engine, nothing improves with neglect. But one of the reasons
we ignore the signs in our relationships honestly,
is we don't know what to do. I can fix my router. I can fix a lot of
things electronically. I like to fix things. When it comes to relationships, it's like, I don't
know what to do. So I'm just gonna go
reboot my internet 'cause I know how to do that. But relationally, I don't know. So we just, we are attempted
to ignore the signs, but nothing improves
with neglect, especially
relationships. So again, you may
hate me for this, but if more than one person, if more than one person
has brought something to your attention that you
need to think about or work on, that's a sign. If more than one person and
they don't even know each other, it's like they've been talking. No, you're the
common denominator. It is obvious, not
obvious to you, but it's obvious to everybody. If more than one person has
brought to your attention something that you need to pay
attention to, that's a sign. The only time I
ever was arrested... Pause, let you digest that. It's a long time ago. (congregation laughing) Only time I was ever arrested
is not that I ignored a sign, I actually moved a sign
'cause it was in my way. I was 16 years old, I'm
like, that's in my way. So I got out of my
car and moved a sign and then I got where I was
going late, really, really late and had an interesting
conversation with my dad. So the point is have
you ever moved a sign? Let me tell you what move a
sign looks like or sounds like in the real world. Do you ever heard
yourself say this? Okay, don't ever
bring that up again. I just wanna take
that sign off my road. Honey, son, mom,
whoever, don't ever, or I don't wanna
hear that anymore. I don't wanna hear
about that anymore or I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. Quit showing me signs, I'm fine. What do you respond
to in that way? You're ignoring the signs. You keep ignoring the signs, you're taking the long
way, taking the wrong way. You may never arrive. Because the prudent see
danger and take refuge, but the simple, I'm fine, I know everything
I need to know, you're wrong. The simple, the people
that don't understand life is connected, that
today leads to tomorrow and today is gonna
show up tomorrow. The simple keep going, and they pay the penalty. But you won't be the
only one who pays because everybody
is looking to you, responsible, that
you're responsible for, that depends on you. They're gonna pay as well. So pay attention, pay
attention to the signs. Last but not least, the
fifth and final one. This is kind of
the heaviest one, but I think it's maybe
the most important in terms of getting to
where we wanna get in life and ultimately getting to
where your heavenly father wants you to get in life. The fifth and final one is this: don't carry unnecessary baggage. If you carry too much
baggage on a trip, it just slows you down,
right, just weighs you down. Years ago, Sandra
and I were traveling with these dear friends
of ours, Howard and Doris. And we've traveled, most of
our trips outside the country, we've gone with
Howard and Doris, they're just our travel buddies
and they love to travel, love the same kind of stuff. And so we were standing at
Hartsfield behind the counter and we were putting our
luggage up on the scale thing. And so Sandra had her
back to the counter and she's talking to
Doris and Howard and I are putting the
luggage up there. So I put Sandra's suitcase up
and it went over the limit. And Howard sees it and he
tapped Sandra on the shoulder and he says, "Sandra, you
have a weight problem." (congregation laughing) And the look in her eye was this is gonna be
an awkward trip. And we have laughed about
that for about five years. "Sandra, honey, you
have a weight problem." Anyway so there's
always a temptation to over-pack on a
road trip, right? And on a road trip, it's not a
big deal, but on a life trip, it may be the biggest deal. Unnecessary baggage, unnecessary
baggage, what happens? Unnecessary baggage on life
trip, it's a really big deal. Unnecessary baggage
will slow you down and it'll slow everyone
down in your family and everyone around you who's
trying to do life with you. Baggage is that, this
is that unresolved or partially resolved
stuff from the past. Our baggage is the stuff from
the past keeps showing up in the future and keep
showing up in the present. And it seems to just
make things more and more and more complicated,
actually empowers the past to define our future. It empowers the
past to detour us from our destination of choice. So are you carrying any
unnecessary baggage? You should take a look. And the reason we
should all take a look every once in a while is
because we've all been hurt and we've all been betrayed
and we've all been left out and we've all been neglected. Some of us, you were
forced to parent a parent because your parent
was just so incapable. Even when you were in high
school or college student, or maybe you had to forego
a career to move back home to parent a parent. And there's just stuff,
right, left you angry, left you vulnerable, left you suspicious of
other relationships. And it's hard to
unpack that stuff. It's hard not just to
carry along with it. And the reason it's
hard to leave it behind is because it's
part of our story. It's part of our
life experience. So there's just
something in us says, like, no I just have
to carry this with me the rest of my life because it was such an
integral part of my life, but it's best to unpack
and leave it behind. And the reason you know
it's best to unpack and leave it behind is
because you want the people you're doing life
with to unpack there's and leave there's behind when it begins to
complicate your life. But it's hard to imagine that. But if you don't and if I don't, if you don't, if you don't
deal with your demons, they go into the
cellar of your soul and they just lift weights,
they get bigger and stronger and bigger and stronger, and the thing that's
so deceiving about this is the event itself gets
further and further and further and further behind
as you move forward. But the consequences in the
shrapnel gets bigger and bigger and bigger and
deeper and deeper. And as time goes by, most
people lose sight of, most people lose sight of
the source of their anger, the source of their bitterness,
the source of their anx, the source of their oh,
they're just too complicated and they're too sensitive. They lose sight of the source when in fact the source
is something that happened as part of their story. This is probably
what Paul had in mind when he said to
Christians, he said, look, you can't help
but get angry sometimes. Sometimes you just
gonna get angry, but if you're a Jesus follower,
be angry but don't sin. Figure out how to separate
yourself in a healthy way from what caused you
or made you angry and the behavior that just
complicates your life. Don't let the sun go down
while you're still angry and don't give the devil space or to contextualize it
for our conversation, don't give the devil
space in your luggage. Don't give the devil
a toe hole, a handle, something that creates a
place where he can hang on, a hiding place. And if you're not
comfortable with the devil, we can change the word. Don't give bitterness
and don't give resentment and don't give fear and
don't give anger a toe hold, a place in your luggage
where you carry it around over and over and over. Got any demons down
there lifting weights, carrying any
unnecessary baggage? If you're not sure, the
people closest to you, they know, they know. And they know because they
have to help you carry it. They have to help you... They have to help you carry it. By that I mean sometimes
they have to duck your anger. They have to navigate
your overreaction. They have to
navigate your moods. They have to avoid
certain topics because every time those topics
come up, you just escalate, so they just, shh, we
don't talk about that. And the fact that they
don't talk about it, you think you're fine, but it's because they're
having to help you carry your baggage. They work hard to ignore or try to ignore
your substance abuse. And they, the people
who love you the most, will love for you
to unpack that stuff or to find someone to
help you unpack that stuff or to use the
apostle Paul's words. He's just direct. He says, just get rid of it. Leave it behind. Get rid of all bitterness,
rage and anger, along with every form of malice. And then he tells us how. And it's so simple that
it seems simplistic. He says it's... I know you're gonna, it
just seems too simple. It seems too good to be true. He says, here's how you do
it, by forgiving each other. This is how you get rid
of bitterness and anger. You find out the source and
you unpack and you forgive and you say, Andy, but
you don't know my story. And I you're right, I
don't know your story. And I would never say this
except for what Paul says next. He says, you are to forgive just as in Christ
God forgave you. That we don't forgive because
people deserve to be forgiven. They may not but
then neither did we. We forgive because
we've been forgiven. We cancel other people's debts because God through
Christ canceled our debt. And here's the
trick to all this. See, when you're hurt
and when I'm hurt, it creates a debtor
relationship. The hurt, the betrayal,
the abandonment, whatever it might
be it creates debt. They owe me a childhood. They owe me a first
marriage back. They owe me the opportunity to
put my kids in bed at night. They owe me an education. They owe me, they
owe me, they owe me, they owe me, they owe me. And what happens is that their
debt becomes your baggage. And I've been there. We lug it around
waiting to be paid back. And while we're lugging it
around waiting to be paid back, the demons are lifting
weights, lifting weights, lifting weights,
lifting weights, get stronger and
stronger and stronger. And the problem is of course
the people from our past, they can't pay us back. Half the time, they don't even
know they owe us anything. And the other reason
they can't pay us back is because we come equipped
with rear view mirrors, but no reverse. They can't give you
your childhood back
or a marriage back or an opportunity
back or career back. They can't give it back to you. So get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, along
with every form of malice. Close those accounts. Tell your demons, I'm closing
the gym and they'll complain. But over time, their voices,
not immediately, but over time, their voices will grow
weaker and weaker and weaker. And it's not fair to forgive. It's not fair 'cause
they actually owe you. It's not about fairness. This is about your freedom. So cancel those debts,
unpack all that stuff. Choose to forgive,
cancel their debt. You just decide this
is what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is I've decided
you don't owe me anymore. And who knows, unpack
all that stuff, you might be able to get
by and then carry on. So those are the five
rules for the road. Don't travel alone,
don't pick up strangers, choose a destination,
get somebody's map, pay attention to the signs and don't carry
unnecessary baggage. You're gonna end up
somewhere in this season. You're gonna end up
somewhere in life. I want you to end up somewhere
in this season in life on purpose and
you get to choose. So follow the
rules for the road, and perhaps you will
reach your destination on time and on purpose.
