- So today, we're
wrapping up our series, Better Decisions Fewer Regrets. And the big idea in this series is the often
overlooked relationship between good questions
and good decisions. Good questions actually set
us up to make good decisions. And I'm convinced that if you've been following
along in this series, that you're convinced as well that if you will
ask, answer honestly, and act on your answer
to the five questions we're talking about
in this series, you will make better decisions and consequently, you will
live with fewer regrets. Your life will be better. And the people who look
to you and depend on you, their lives will
be better as well because we aren't
the only people impacted by our
decisions, right? And we're not the only people impacted by our regrets either. Quick review. The first question we explored
was the integrity question. The integrity question. Am I being honest with myself? Am I being honest
with myself really? You will never get to
read where you want to be until you are honest about
where you currently are. The most difficult
person to lead is always the person
in the mirror. So whenever you're making a
decision of any consequence, before you commit to an
option, ask yourself, am I being honest with myself? Am I being honest with myself
about why I'm doing this, choosing this, purchasing this, calling him, calling her back? Second question was
the legacy question. The legacy question is, what
story do I want to tell? When the decision that
you're in the process of making right now, relational, financial,
academic, professional. When the decision you're in the
process of making right now, when it's nothing more
than a story you tell, what story do you want to tell? Make it a story
you're proud to tell. In fact, better than that, be
the hero in your own story, not the villain. Be the person who
exercise self-control, not the person who lost control. Use your super power,
we've talked about that. Your respond ability,
that's your super power. And you decide your story
one decision at a time. Because as far as
it's up to you, you write the story of your
life one decision at a time. I want you to write or
decide a great story. Our third question was
the conscience question. Is there a tension that
deserves my attention? Is there a tension that
deserves my attention? You're considering an option and you're thinking about
doing something specific. You're about to pull the
trigger on the decision and everybody's nodding and
everything looks good on paper, but there's just something about
it that doesn't seem right, something that you can't
put your finger on. When that happens, pause and
pay attention to that tension. Now, last time we were together, we explored the fourth
question, the maturity question, and the maturity question is,
what is the wise thing to do in light of your
past experience, in light of your
current circumstances, in light of your future
hopes and dreams? What is the wise
thing for you to do? An option may be legal or
acceptable or permissible, not exactly immoral,
but as it wise? Remember this. A decision, a decision
can be not wrong and not wise at the same time. Unwise decisions, remember this, unwise decisions are
gateway decisions. They lead to regret. In fact, your greatest
regret, your greatest regret was preceded by a series
of unwise decisions. How do I know that? Because it's true for all of us. The decisions that preceded
your greatest regret, they weren't wrong,
they weren't illegal, but looking back, they were
terribly, terribly unwise. So decide wise. And that brings us
to our last question. Our fifth question is actually
the relationship question. Now, again, if you've been
a part of this series, you know by now that
most of these questions, most of these questions
are a bit terrifying because they are in
fact, so clarify. And by clarifying, I'm referring to the fact
that in most instances, you know the answer
to the question even before you've finished
asking the question, right? And once we know,
we can't unknow. And once we know the
answer to these questions, we feel accountable. We feel accountable to
ourselves, which is good. And honestly, it's
a bit terrifying. It actually reminds
me of a question my mentor, Regi
Campbell, used to ask me. He used to say this,
he used to say, "Andy, Andy, what do you
hope I don't ask you about?" Now, that's a terrifying
question, right? "Andy, what do you hope
I don't ask you about?" So I would dodge this
question and I would say this, "Well, you can't ask
that question, Regi, you gotta dig around a
little bit, that's cheating. You gotta discover
that for yourself." And he would laugh and then
he would repeat the question, "Andy, what do you hope
I don't ask you about?" So our fifth and
our final question is perhaps the most
clarifying question of all, but honestly, in some ways, it's the most terrifying
question of all. It's clarifying in clarity. Come on, clarity is
often the thing we need to push us past our resistance
to making a good decision. And I promise you, there will
be resistance with this one. In fact, this may
be the question you
will be most tempted not to answer honestly, because it will require
the most of you. So once again, the disclaimer. You don't have to
act on your answer, but you owe it to yourself to know the answer
to this question because what you won't know, what you refuse to
know can hurt you. And in this case, what
you refuse to know or acknowledge or admit is going to hurt the people
closest to you as well. Again, this is the
relationship question. And as I mentioned last time, when you envision your
future, isn't this true? When you envision your future, you never envisioned
yourself alone. There's always
somebody beside you. This is true of all of us. And perhaps that somebody
is already besides you. Our final question,
this fifth question, will help you keep them there. Perhaps you're looking
for that someone. Getting in the habit of this
question now, if you do that, you will become the person that the person you're
looking for is looking for. Because you know who
you're looking for? You're looking for
someone amazing, right? So are they. Asking and acting on
this fifth question will increase your amazing
quotient, I guarantee you. But the benefit of
asking this question this relationship question, actually extends beyond
that special somebody. This question, when asked
and answered honestly and then acted on, it has the potential
to enhance the quality of every single
relationship you're in. It has the power to restore
broken relationships, heal relationships. It has the power, honestly,
to rekindle romance, to restore what was lost. But before the big reveal,
another disclaimer. Unlike the other four
questions in this series, this one does not come
with a guaranteed ROI, return on investment. The other four do but not this one,
here's what I mean. You will always come out ahead by being honest with
yourself really. You'll always have
something to show for writing a story
you're proud to tell. There will be a measurable
return for paying attention to the tension and
doing the wise thing. You ask those other
four questions, you are going to benefit. Our first four questions always
yield a favorable return, sometimes immediately, but always eventually. But our fifth and final
question is different. There may be no
tangible, measurable, or even noticeable
return on your effort in asking this question. While the first four questions
are demanding in the moment, our final question is demanding throughout very waking moment. And the reason being, our final question isn't
about making your life better. It's about making someone
else's life better which may make your life better,
but honestly, it may not. However, this fifth
and final question, should you have the courage
to ask it and act on it, positions you to make
the world better. So here we go, Throughout Jesus' ministry, when you follow Jesus
through the gospel, throughout his ministry, he was constantly
hinting at the fact that something new
was on the horizon, something designed
to actually replace much of what was in place
in first century Judaism. And while many people were
hoping for political reform, Jesus had something
entirely different in mind, something much bigger
than political reform, something far more inclusive. His hints, his parables,
his foreshadowing, they were all designed to
create a sense of expectation in the minds and the
hearts of his followers. So when he entered Jerusalem
for his final visit, you know this story, crowds lined the
streets to welcome him. They knew something was up but their expectations were
political, regal, messianic. He had their attention but they did not
understand his intention. In fact, even as 12
apostles were confused about his ultimate aim, right up to the very end,
right up to the very end. They are jockeying
for positions of power in the soon to be re-established independent kingdom of Israel. So on the night of his arrest,
he gathers them together for what would be their
final Passover meal and he finally reveals
his intentions. He makes his intentions clear. To begin with, he announced
that he was leaving. And that was a problem. As we've talked about before, Jesus was their
security blanket. Wherever Jesus went,
crowds gathered and the crowds kept Jesus'
enemies from getting close. So if Jesus leaves, if
Jesus goes missing, odds are the apostles are probably
going to go missing as well and not in a good way. Besides why would
Jesus leave now? They were on the
precipice of a revolution. I mean, the kingdom was
about to be restored. So on this final night together,
he spells it out for them in terms that, well, in terms that have become
so familiar to many of us, I'm afraid that they
leave little to no or make little to no impact. Now we don't doubt they're true. We don't doubt what
Jesus says is true. After all, Jesus
spoke these words. But these words don't
rock us back on our heels. They don't send us rushing
home or back to work or back to the neighborhood
with an apology on our lips. These words, this command
from the lips of our Lord, think about that. They just don't stand guard
over our words like they should. They don't stand guard over
our responses, our actions, or our attitudes, the way
they were intended to. In fact, when I read Jesus'
words to you in just a moment, you may be tempted
to respond with, "Oh, I've heard that before. Oh, that again,"
which is unfortunate because these words spoken by
Jesus to his closest friends, men who would earn
the reputation for turning the
world upside down, these words explain the event
that we cling to when we sin, when we fall short,
isn't this true? When you wonder where
you stand with God. When you wonder where
you stand with God. In those moments,
as a Christian, what
do you lean into? You lean into the event of
Christ's death on the cross as the payment for
your sin, right? Jesus died for me, so I have
a right standing with God. But his death, his death on the afternoon
after he spoke these words was actually an
illustration of these words and a reminder of how
central these words are to our experience
as Jesus followers. They represent in a
way, the epicenter of the Christian faith. These words are really what the kingdom of God
looks like on earth. Paul who was unclearly
rocked back on his heels by these words and
actually never recovered. When he wrote his
letter to Christians living in the Roman
province of Galatia, he said this, he
said, "The only thing, the only thing that
matters is these words." And then in 1 Corinthians, he declares that if we don't
get this one thing right, it doesn't even matter
what else we get right. He understood what we missed. And here's the thing. And I understand
this, we want deeper. And Paul would respond to that we want deeper
requests like this. You want deeper? You want deeper. You want deeper because you've never
witnessed a man being flogged to the point to where he
wants to die, but can't because the soldier
inflicting the pain knows exactly when to stop, not out of mercy, but because the goal was to inflict as
much pain as possible. Death would be merciful. But out of a desire to cause as much suffering
as possible, they would stop. When we think there's
got to be more, it's because we've never
witnessed a crucifixion. We've never seen someone
choose days ahead of time to lay down their
life for an enemy. There is nothing deeper. There is nothing more profound. There is nothing more contrary
to fallen human nature. There is, well, there's nothing with more
potential to change everything than Jesus' instructions
to his followers the night of his arrest. His words represent
a paradigm shift of, it's no exaggeration to
say of epic proportion. They would, again, they would
turn the world upside down because they
established a kingdom that looked upside
down to the world. And what began as a harmless
threat to the empire, a harmless threat to the
temple, a Nazarene sect, a cult, would eventually
engulf the empire. And his words to his disciples during that last Passover meal, they serve as the context, they serve as fuel, the match, for our fifth and
final question. Here's what he said. And I wish for a moment, you could hear them as
if you're hearing them for the very first time. Allow these words to set
you back on your heels, to leave you scrambling
for your slice of the conflict pie
in your relationships. I hope they will
compel you to forgive, to be kind, to loan your
strength, to tame your tongue, to adjust your pace,
to open your wallet, to reshuffle your values. Here's what he said. "A new command. A new command I give you." And of course, they didn't
need any new commands. They had plenty. Besides earlier, Jesus had just reduced
the entire list to two, love God and love your neighbor. Those are the two
we know, right? So why do we need a third? And besides that, why was
he talking about command? They needed to
make plans, I mean. And what gave Jesus the right
to add any new commands? Only God could... Only God have the
authority to add commands. Exactly, right? As it turned out, Jesus
wasn't adding a command to an existing list of commands. He was doing something
far more radical. He was replacing the sxisting
commandments, all of them. And one reason, one reason
that this new command doesn't have its desired
effect on many of us is because we were raised to
believe that his new command was simply another command. Another command to be
added to the big 10 or the big 600 plus. But it wasn't. Jesus had come to replace
much of what was in place. "A new command I give
you; love one another," which wasn't really
actually new. But then as we've said before, Jesus wasn't actually through and he wasn't commanding them and he wasn't commanding me and he wasn't commanding
you to feel something. He was commanding
us to do something. And what came next? Well, what came next
was unthinkable. But what came next
changed the world. What came next trumped
the golden rule. What came next trumped love
God and love your neighbor. "As I have loved you, so you must love one another." This was so disturbing. In this moment, Jesus establishes himself
as the standard for love. The standard against
which we are to measure and evaluate our behavior
if we're Jesus followers. You've heard it said
believing is all that matters. If you were raised in
certain kinds of churches, it's all about believing. Jesus would say to you, "If you're going to
participate in my kingdom, loving as I have loved
is what matters most. Doing for others what one hoped others would
do for them in return, that was so last century,
that was so old covenant." Jesus tells his followers
on the night of his arrest to do unto others as
he had done unto them. Now this was extraordinarily,
extraordinarily personal for the guy seated
around the table, right? I mean, when we read, "As I have loved you,
you're to love one another," we think of the
cross, they didn't. They thought back over
the previous three years. I mean, Jesus could have
gone around the table and called them all out
one by one, "Matthew. Matthew, you remember what
you were up to when we met?" "Yes, sir, I was working
for Rome from home." Well, I was pretty much a
government sanctioned thief with body guards. I remember because good people, well, they kept their
distance from me." And Jesus could
have said, "Matthew, do you remember
what I said to you that afternoon when we met?" "Yes sir. You invited me to follow you. And No one had ever
done that before. In fact when people thought
I was following them, they just rushed home." "Exactly, Matthew,
extend that same grace to every single person you meet for the rest of your life. As I have loved you, Matthew, that's how I want you to love." And he could have worked
his way around the table one by one, "Love
as I have loved you. Extend the same grace, the same forgiveness that
I have extended to you." So that real quick. How about you? Let's put you in Matthew's
seat for just a minute. What were you up to? What were you up to when
you first understood and accepted the
call to follow Jesus? Think about that
season of your life. And to think he loved,
loves you anyway. He hears your prayers. He forgives you over and
over for the same dumb stuff. Right? Me too. I mean, in my case,
I have no excuse. I mean, I have no excuse not
to extend grace, forgiveness, and mercy, second and third
chances to everybody I meet because I've been commanded
to love as I have been loved. And I have been given second
and third chances by my savior. And as Jesus looked around
the table that night, he could have added,
"And gentlemen, if you think you've
seen me love, you haven't seen anything yet, because tomorrow,
covered in my own blood, I'll put on a
demonstration of love that will take your breath
away, but more important, It's going to take
your sin away, and it's going to
take your excuses away not to love the way
I have loved you. Tomorrow, I'm going
to give my life away for you and for my enemies." And then he continues. And this is the part, if
we ever got this right, if I ever got right,
it would change. Maybe it would
change everything. He said, "Gentlemen, by this. By this, everyone will know
that you are my disciples if you love one another." Now the term this is a
demonstrative pronoun. Remember those? A demonstrative pronoun is used to point to something
very specific. And in this particular case, it's a singular
demonstrative pronoun. Jesus is pointing to
one specific thing that was to be the
identifying characteristic of his followers,
namely, the way we love. This new command, this
new command brand of love was to serve as the unifying and the defining characteristic for his new
movement, the church. His new command was to
serve as the governing ethic against which all of our
behavior should be measured. And this stood in stark contrast to the current first
century way of thinking. Unfortunately, it
stands in stark contrast to the way that many of
us were raised to think in the church today. This litmus test, this would be the litmus test
for being a Jesus follower. And again, the new litmus test was not some sort of
ritualistic day of the week, festival-driven, don't
forget your goat. Don't forget to
say your prayers, worship of an invisible
and somewhat distant God. Following Jesus would
not be looking for ways to somehow get closer to God who dwelled out there somewhere. Jesus followers, according to
what Jesus said that night, Jesus followers
would demonstrate
their devotion to God by putting the person next
to them in front of them, as he would do the
following afternoon. Authentic Jesus followers would not authenticate their
love for God by looking up. They would authenticate
their devotion to God by looking around, by loving
the people around them. And then this was
so unprecedented. In an unprecedented move for a
religious figure, especially, Jesus didn't
leverage his position or even his equality with God or his messianic authority to
stir his followers to action. He didn't say, "Hey
guys, you better do this because, well, do
you know who I am?" He didn't anchor his new command to his divine right as king. Paul said it best, that Jesus did not
regard equality with God as something to be leveraged
for his own benefit. Instead, do you
know what he used to inspire his
followers to actually? Do you know what he used to
inspire you and me to action? He leveraged his
sacrificial love, why? Why should his disciples
obey this command to love? Because he loved them first. He went first. They were to do unto others
as Jesus had already done and was about to do unto them. "A new command I give you; love one another as
I have loved you, so you must love one another." Jesus knew all
encompassing command was. Well, it was far less
complicated than the
prevailing system but it was far more demanding. There are no loopholes, no workarounds in
this brand of love. It's why we avoid it. It's why we are tempted
to take the new command and simply add it to
a list of commands, perhaps hoping it will
get lost in the mix. And that brings us
at last to our fifth and our final question,
the relationship question. The question, honestly, that paves the path
to relational health. The question that
really lays a foundation for mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying
relationships. A question that honestly
brings inescapable clarity to just about every
relational decision you will ever bump up. Again it's a question... I think a question
everyone should ask but a question that Jesus
followers, we have to ask it. Our fifth question is this,
what does love require of me? What does love require of me? This clarifying, and as I said
earlier, terrifying question should stand guard
over our consciences. It should serve as a guide,
a signpost, a compass as we navigate the
complexities of relationships. It should inform how we date,
how we parent, how we boss, how we manage, how we coach. It should form a
perimeter around what
we say and what we do in our roles as spouse,
coworker, neighbor, friend. This question gives
voice God's will for us on so many issues, on issues
where the Bible is silent. It fills the gaps, it succeeds
where concordances fail. If you're a Christian,
it crushes that
insipid justification that we all grew up using. But the Bible doesn't say
there's anything wrong with, right? This question closes
all those loopholes. In fact, it exposes
our hypocrisy. It stands as judge and jury. It's so simple, but it is
so inescapably demanding and it intersects with every
imaginable relational scenario. I mean, we're all tempted to ask or wonder sometimes
relationally, how little can I
get by with, right? The very thing we
don't want the person on the other side
of us to consider This question calls
us to account. So relationally speaking, when you're not sure
of what to say or do, simply ask what does
love require of you. When unsure of
what to say or do, ask what does love
require of you. And then do unto others as your heavenly Father through
Christ has done unto you. He did what was best for us. We are in turn to do
what's best for others. We are to love as
we have been loved. And when we fall short,
we're to own it quickly, we're to own it before anyone even has to bring
it to our attention. And if that sounds like too
much to ask, congratulations, then now you know
that you understand exactly what Jesus
is asking of us. If there's something
in you that's like, "I just don't know if
I can live up to that," then you understand
what he's calling us to. Now, I imagine that
you're smart enough and emotionally dialed
in enough to know what love requires of
you most of the time, even if we don't want
to admit it, right? But just in case, if love one another is
not specific enough, the New Testament is actually full of
real world applications of what Jesus' new command
brand of love looks like. In fact, the authors
of the New Testament did not add to
Jesus' new command. This is an area where it gets
confusing really quickly. They didn't come along and
add to Jesus' new command. They simply explain
what it looks like. They tell us how to apply it. And the apostle Paul
provides us with, I think the clearest
applications. In his letter to
Christians living in the Roman province of
Galatia, we mentioned earlier, he insists, he says this. "When it comes to relationships,
God will always nudge you. The Spirit of God
will always nudge you in the direction of kindness,
goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. When you're tempted, when you're tempted to try
to control someone else, Paul says the spirit of
God is going to nudge you in the direction
of self-control, because that's what
love requires of you. When in doubt,
simply max these out. But this was actually the
apostle Paul's abridged list. His most detailed description
of what real world love looks and acts like is
found in his first letter to Christians living
in Corinth, right? We've talked about
this so many times. In fact, that list
is so familiar, I fear it doesn't even
create so much as a ripple in our conscience sometimes, especially for most
modern readers. And that's unfortunate because Paul's description
in 1 Corinthians is the gold standard of what love looks
like in the real world. What does love require of us? You know this, he says,
"Well, it's patient. It's kind. This brand of love doesn't envy. It doesn't boast,
it's not proud. It does not dishonor others. Love never treats another
person dishonorably, disgracefully, indecently. Again, love never treats
another person, dishonorably, disgracefully, or indecently. One more time. Love never treats another
person dishonorably, disgracefully, or indecently because Jesus never treated
another person, including you, dishonorably, disgracefully,
or indecently. What if we just got that right? Love, he goes on, he says that
love doesn't create regret. It's not self-seeking,
it's not easily angered, it doesn't keep score. Love conveniently forgets the
bad and elevates the good. Love forgives and
pretends to forget. That's what love requires. Love doesn't delight in evil,
but rejoices with what's true. It always protects. In other words, love never
smuggles something harmful into the relationship,
just the opposite. Love keeps harmful things out. Love doesn't seek
to win arguments. Love works to protect
the relationship. Love chooses to trust. See, he finishes up this
powerful piece of literature. He says, "Love always hopes
and it always preserves. It always protects." That's what love requires of us. That's why our fifth question
is not for the faint of heart. But before you
decide to remove it from the list of
questions to ask, whenever you're
making a decision, I want you to consider this, isn't that or
aren't these things, what you hope for or even expect from the
people closest to you, your spouse, your fiance, your
significant other, your kids. Isn't this what you hope
for from your friends and your neighbors and
the people you work with? I mean, if these are the
behaviors or responses we consciously or
even subconsciously
expect from others, shouldn't they be
required of us as well? So, before you react to someone, before you over
respond to someone, before you remind
them of their past, before you get out of the car and go into the house to
straighten everybody out, before you walk into
his or her office, as you're contemplating
that invitation, before you decide, ask, what does love require of me? What does love require? I know what I've
done in the past. I know what everybody expects. I know what everybody else does. I know what my pattern
and my habit has been. I know what they deserve, but what does love
require of me? If you're a Jesus follower, this is like asking, what
does my Lord require of me? It may require you to
get up out of your chair in just a few minutes and walk into the kitchen or
the bedroom and apologize. It may require you
to pick up your phone and rebuild a bridge
that you burned down with your unassailable
logic and sarcasm. You are right, but being right wasn't
what love required. You may need to write a
letter or rewrite an email and know the other party
may not be interested in what love requires of them
or what love requires of you, but that's okay, right? Chances are, isn't this true? Chances are there was a time
when you weren't interested in what God's love for
you required of him, but he didn't quit pursuing you. There are things, and this may be hard for
you to take coming from me. But there are things that
I'll never understand. In fact, there are
things that Jesus said, I'm not exactly sure what to
do with in the modern world. But my lack of understanding
never impedes my capacity to put others first. As complicated as
so many things are, there's so many things
I'll never understand, but when it comes
down to this question, as much as I don't know, I almost always know
what love requires of me. And if Jesus was correct,
apparently that's enough. If Jesus was correct, that's what it means
to be his follower. That's the center. That's the kingdom
of God on earth. What does love require of you?
