You have a receipt for this baby?
[ baby crying ] Can I take him back? Hey, shush! Shush, little duck - little baby! Hey, who's a little airplane, eh? Who's a little airplane? Oh, fuck! [ laughing ] Hey! Save me from this dog! Don't worry. I know how to do a special karate chop that makes dogs explode. Ah, thank you. My name is Terry Hintz. Wow, people call him Lord of the Tutorial. He's been traveling - he's a big deal, he's got a lot of fans. Holy shit. Terry Hintz joined ME, out of everyone playing this right now. What kind of information you got for me, Terry? You can save the game. Wow! Incredible, Terry, thank you. What's this one say? Caution! Be wary of Terry's good looks! [ laughing ] Are you fucking stupid? You're gonna challenge me? With my man, Terry Hintz? Terry, show 'em how we do it where we come from! Zero damage, and he is completely worthless. Turns out, Terry Hintz is not as valuable as I once thought - What the fuck? Oh my god! He's dead! Oh mah gad! Dey dead! Oh my god! Oh, you know that guy's dead. Yep. Hey! I'm not dead yet, you prick! Come 'ere so I can kick your ass! [ laughing ] Ah, fuck! [ laughing ] Now he's dead. Oh, look at this! Terry leveled up! Now he can do two damage! Holla, holla, if ya hear me. I'm dead. These guys fuckin' suck. It's only like ten minutes into the game and they're all dead already. Now, a guy like me, I don't ever die in a video game. Oh no. It can't be. It's - [ laughing ] It's the bad guy of the game! [ laughing ] Fuckin'' gay-ass - Howdy mother fucker. I'ma give you a choice. You get Terry's life or all of your stuff! Make your move! Oh, that's easy. Yeah, just take Terry. That's a no-brainer, right there. Terry Hintz has been taken. What did I even have in my inventory? Beef jerky and a Diet Coke. Yeah, I made the right move, I think. Turn back. Pfft! Get fucked! I don't listen - You should definitely turn back when you get to that part of the game. What is this, a store for wizards? Hello? Hey wizard, I would like to buy - I shoulda never came in here. Riddick? Whatchu doin' out here, man? "Oh, hello there! My name is Nern." "I'm considered the greatest historian." "I've gathered a wealth of knowledge." "Many tales... would you like to hear?" No, fuck no. "GREAT" "Get comfy, my boy!" "I've many a tale to tell!" "Let's see, it all started with what I call The Flash." "I was sitting with my wife, god bless her soul," "and I believe she made me some homemade sweet tea." "Or wait... did she buy it from the store?" "Oh well, hold on, that would be ridiculous, to buy it from the store and transfer it into a cup." "Why not drink it from the bottle?" "I guess so she could put the ice in a glass." "But then again, making homemade tea - that sneaky bitch." "Anyway, I'll save that story for later." "I'm sitting on the porch, drinking lemon tea" "from a glass, of course," "when suddenly, a great strangeness fills my body." Fucking kill me.
"Something was wrong." Kill me fucking now, in real life.
"I've lived many years, and I've never felt something like this. Yup!" Make this stop.
"It was my rocking chair! That son of a gun stopped rocking!" Whoever made this game, make it stop now. This is enough.
"So, I get up and realized a little rock - " "What a day!" "So I'm sittin' there, suckin' on a fuckin' horse's dick," "suckin' down fuckin' lemonade," "and uh, and uh, I'm thinkin' to myself, you know," "Wh - why isn't my wife a horse," right? "Why isn't my wife a horse? Is it my bank account?" "I'm a tall guy. I work out." "Isn't that enough?" "Now, my neighbor, Tom Fucknight, he was very short." "His wife, Karen Fuckarelli, one of THOSE women - " "ANYWAY" "My horse climbs into bed, god bless her soul." "She turns on her horsie headlights so she can read a fucking horse romance novel."
[ horse nickering ] "Meanwhile, I'm over here, sittin' in a fuckin' rocking chair, sippin' down lemonade, you know me." "At this point, I get a giant erection about a horse." "Uh, then her light was on." "THEN..." "I fell asleep." "Then I woke up!" "A big flash of light!" "And that's about it." I think it's over. No... "I can tell by the way you're walking away that you don't wanna leave!" "If you really wanna hear another story - once upon a time," Oh my fucking god.
"I was sittin' at a fucking rocking chair," It just ended!
"My local grocery store sells good eggs," It was twenty minutes long!
"I don't know what it is, the chickens come out of - " [ Spongebob announcer ]
Six and a half - " - dick stuck in a rhino's ass!" It's over. I think it's actually over now. Please. Some jokes, uh... They just... they go on too long. And I hope the developer, I hope he learned that - You FUCKING GAME "Well, hello again!" [ Lisa OST - War Season ]
"So here I am, basically sitting in a rocking chair, giving a monkey a reach-around," "My wife comes in, dressed up like a - just starts shitting on me on with pink web!" Nern has joined your party. How do I suicide my guy? Whoa, you move way faster with the bike. Why is that a feature? Do you see that? What is that? Oh! It's a guy sleeping! [ laughing ] Hey, wake up! What did I do wrong? [ laughing ] Shit! I see you over there, you fucking idiot. I see you! Haha! He has... He has two eyepatches. Fuck you, you pirate piece of shit! Didn't see that coming. He thought he could face me. Little did he know, videogamedunkey never dies in a video game. I really need to get to a checkpoint. Before I die - Fucking Dingaling. [ Lisa OST - Work Harder ]
Right now, this game is sampling Delin's grunt, from Shenmue II. "I'm Delin!" OOH HOO This is the most annoying fucking game ever created by man. At least it doesn't have fall damage. Garbage Island, huh? I'll take you to Garbage Island! Oh my god. Look at all the garbage! Very important above! I know there isn't. I know there is nothing important up here. And it's just gonna... yep. It's gonna be one of these. I'm gonna climb up this for the next thirty minutes, now. Yep, yep. It's gonna be one of these. And then I'm - and then I'm gonna get up there and there's gonna be fucking nothing. There's gonna be, like, a guy up there who kills me. [ sighs ] All right. Here we go.
[ music fades out ] ♪ What a thrill... ♪ ♪ With darkness and silence through the night ♪ It's gotta be alm - It's - [ gasp ] I can - I can see the top! [ wheezing laughter ] Hey, what - hey, what do you know! Hey! It's the only cliff in the game you can't jump off of! You have to climb all the way back down. Thank you, Dark Souls. This - what a beautiful game. Just a - just a - ♪ What a thrill... ♪ At least I can always count on you, snowman. You would never hurt me - Oh my god, he has a gun! He's fucking shooting everybody! He's killing all my guys! Features: A life-ruining experience. "Tommy, don't play with matches!" "How'd you even get those, sport?" "Give 'em to - " "Oh, shit." "What do you want?" I'm looking for a baby. The baby from the beginning. "All these kids have been abandoned." "I'm taking care of them, because no one else will." "Why - " "Oh, Tommy." "Haha, now look what you did." "It's OK, sport, we'll put that out." "Hey, could you hand me that bucket of water?" Sure, there's a bucket of water right here. Here you go. "You fool!"
[ laughing ] "That was my gasoline bucket!" Oh!
[ laughing ] There's the water bucket! Of course! [ laughing ] Don't worry, kids. I'll go get the - I'll go get the bucket of water. You know, they used to call me water bucket dunkey, back when I was in NFL. OK, kids, I'm here. [ giggling ] "This is the second most tragic thing to happen in my life." [ Lisa OST - Garbage Island ]
This is probably the best retro revival game right now. Such a unique experience that actually captures the humor from Earthbound, yet is still poignant and depressing.
SNAKE EATERRR
That middle finger lmao
Wait, did i see the "no man's sky" in the Garbage Island?
About time Lisa got attention
Is this the game mentioned in THE Official Podcast?
Seems like a very Dunk-esque game.
Hey look. Dunkey's playing a game I love that a lot of people haven't heard of. Guess it's going to be famous now, for a while. And everyone's going to be finding it. Other big youtubers will try it, and more and more people will be exposed to it, leading to a meh fan base and a far worse anti-fanbase.
I hope a few people will try it, and legitimately like it. Maybe we'll see a small handful of memes, and then it will fade into the back of our minds with the soul crushing fondness it deserves.
Beat us all to it.