Lawyers, What Is The Worst Defence You've Seen In Court? r/AskReddit Reddit Stories | Top Posts

what's the worst defense you've seen someone make in a court my sister told the judge that the light wasn't that red then he said he was going to suspend her license and she said but my dad already took it away i defended a guy on a dui that jumped into the back seat after he got pulled over and claimed someone else was driving he was the only one in the car i saw this go down while waiting for my traffic ticket judge so you were seen pulling a stop sign out of the ground and throwing it in the river accused yes sir jay were you drunk hey no sir jay the ticket says you were intoxicated hey no sir jay okay let's say i believe you i will throw out this drunk and disorderly charge hey thank you sir jay but i will have to charge you with the destruction of government property and endangering the public that comes with at least a year in jail so i'll ask one more time are you drunk hey yes sir very drunk sir i took a guide to small claims court his defense was i didn't have the product so i couldn't ship it to him obviously the judge was like but you took his money the guy yay so i could buy the product and ship it to him judge did you do that guy not yet judge do you have his money guy no i had had an emergency and had to spend it that was that i won edit someone gave me gold thanks this was a very stressful period of my life aggravated criminal sodomy the defense attorney said the abuse only lasted for a minute added during closing argument to the jury i never touched my daughters i never hurt my daughters never would i sexually abuse my daughters except that one time at the cabin the guy became an instant meme in our country language i was a juror for a case against a woman that was charged with selling a stolen gun to a pawn broker and possession of a gun by a convicted felon she took the stand and admitted to finding the gun at a friend's house and taking it to the pawn broker her attorney's entire closing argument was that the state failed to prove that it was a gun and the charges should be dropped never mind the fact that she admitted to it being a gun the guy that owned the gun said it was his gun and we had it right there in front of us the defense said it was not a gun because the state had not fired it to prove it was a gun and of course as soon as we get back to the room to deliberate one of the other jurors said he was not convinced it was a real gun that was a really long day edit while this is by far the most karma i've ever gotten on a comment for those wondering we had the gun in the jury room but it was in a clear plastic box we did have a bailiff coming at one point to take it out and pull the slide back we were not allowed to handle it ourselves it says here you were drinking and driving judge no sir i drank then i drove a guilty guy of course his dna seamen was in the alley behind his apartment where a sexual assault took place where else would you expect to find your dna except where you lived i was in traffic court and the first guide to go before the judge got pulled over doing some crazy speed like 140 miles per hour the judge essentially told the guy to say he wouldn't ever do it again and that it was a mistake and in return the judge would drop the ticket fee and the points on his record the guy countered with well i drive that fast all the time so i'm really good at it and i don't think it was dangerous at all because of how good of a driver i am guy could have walked out totally free but instead got a two thousand five hundred dollars if any and two points on his record a domestic abuse case the husband was the accused the couple was in their late 70s or early 80s when asked if he did indeed abuse his wife the husband started complaining that some 40 years ago the wife pretended to be ill and he had to do the laundry all by himself as if he expected the judge to just go okay i guess that's cool then i watched a friend try a dwi case her client testified that she wasn't drunk while driving and therefore not guilty because she was actually high on meth at the time my friend put her head down and started hitting her head against the desk friend of mine once got a ticket for leaving her car standing in the marked off no parking zone in front of a grocery store which she thought was outrageous because she was just running in to get a pack of smokes then she saw how much the ticket was for something like 120 dollars which he thought was just ridiculous because damn it she was just running in for a pack of smokes i mean come on how is that worth 120 dollars so her plan was to go to court and contest the ticket and point out to the judge how ridiculous that was and offered to compromise it like maybe 40 dollars because for pete's sake she was just running in for a pack of smokes and let's be reasonable here yes her plan was to haggle with the judge over how much the ticket should be worth so she goes to court and sits there most of the day waiting for her case to be called and eventually she gets bored and goes outside to grab a smoke and hang out and while she's out there her case is cold she missed the whole thing didn't even get to try the whole come on 120 dollars for that come on i'll give you 40 dollars and even that's highway robbery defense on the judge and got hit for the full value of the ticket plus court costs i knew a guy who said that the police who responded to the domestic that he had perpetrated had no right to charge him with meth possession since the meth was so pure no one could have seen it it was independence day your honor a day to celebrate the freedoms that our forefathers fought and died for a day to celebrate what this country is so yes judge i did do some math for freedom this was in a drug treatment court edit stop encouraging him tbh the judge chuckled and just said don't be stupid then the next five defendants tried the same thing and the judge threw the book progressively harder key here is get to court early so your bs excuses first ted bundy jumping out of the courthouse window and running probably didn't do much to convince people he was innocent i was a bailiff on a kidnap rape case the defendant was proper acting as his own attorney during jury selection he had the option to wear civilian clothing instead of his jail clothes he chose to remain in his jail attire complete with handcuffs and waist restraints it came time for him to cross-examine the victim understandably she was very upset before he even started she was crying and refused to look at him the defendant's first question went like this you seem upset does it make you nervous to be questioned by the person that raped you you could hear a pin drop in that courtroom he was found guilty and sentenced to 46 years to life in prison edit several question about the defendant's motivation about asking that question he was big guy but definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer my personal take was he tried to ask be questioned by the person you said accused raped you and flubbed it i was talking to a seasoned defense attorney about this story and some others his take on it was some defendants for whatever reason commits suicide by court a guy was in court for a dui and he insisted on taking the stand when his lawyer advised him not to turned out he wanted the judge to know the cop who arrested him was just some rude kid trying to be a big [ __ ] and he wasn't even drunk he only had two bottles of wine with dinner his lawyer interrupted him to try to get him to stop talking and he told his lawyer to shut up then the judge advised him to listen to his lawyer and he told the judge i'm not a damn child don't interrupt me and the judge just smiled and sat back and said please proceed we all knew it was over for this guy he got maxed on the charge and advised in the future if he was going to pay for a lawyer he should listen to him sexual assault trial we had this past summer guy brutally raped a woman in a park then took her bike and atm card a few minutes later he is recorded withdrawing 80 from her account he is arrested within hours of the assault at trial he testified that the six was consensual and the victim enjoyed performing all on him so much that she gave him the bike and atm card to show her appreciation and that someone else came along and beat her after he left he also practiced his planned testimony with an inmate who had just been sentenced on a gun charge and bragged about the sexual assault in detail that inmate threw him under the bus and testified against him gun charge inmate freely admitted he hoped rapist would wind up in the same prison he did so he could hand out some wreck yard justice running dope and guns was one thing but he couldn't tolerate someone touching a woman it didn't take long for a guilty verdict and life sentence judge why do you think showing up to this young lady is home unannounced after she has made it clear to you she is not romantically interested in you was an acceptable thing to do guy i was getting a restraining order against i just wanted to lick the inside of her dog's mouth but there's lots of backstory to this but let's just say i had a very creepy stalker edit thank you everybody for the love and support also thank you to whoever so generously gave me a silver and platinum you made my week during law school and class i had to defend a hotel manager who was putting hidden cameras in the rooms edit since this blew up i want to note this was probably a civil suit and motion to dismiss i could only really argue the law not facts i.e the goal is to convince the judge that the conduct as alleged was not unlawful i couldn't really get into issues of evidence or if he really planted the cameras and so on and settling was not part of the exercise i had no ideas case law was pretty much in thorough consensus that it is in fact unlawful to do that yet i had to put something together for oral argument and also answer questions from the teacher judge it was a total disaster i remained somewhat composed somehow but i really had no argument the best i could do is that it was a digital camera and the files had never been open or viewed as far as evidence showed so in some sense there never had been an actual image of the hotel guests just a bunch of 1s and 0s that could of course become a video as soon as someone opened the file with proper software it was a itty and unconvincing argument hands down it's a tie between every sovereign citizen i've seen in court for a simple traffic violation like displaying expired plates or not registering a vehicle the defense is always a stupid variation of this court doesn't have jurisdiction because the wrong flag is displayed in the courtroom i gave testimony as a health professional in a child custody case the mother wanted to revoke the father's joint physical custody of the eight-year-old girl the issue was that girl was asked to wipe her father's butt apply lotion and wash his genitals the father's case was that because he was obese fatigued suffering from frequent diarrhea and taxed to take care of his own hygiene without assistance it was acceptable for her to do this as long as she wore gloves to avoid contracting hepatitis c from him he also argued that it taught her a lesson about compassion and caring for those unable to do so themselves and help them to bond truly incredible wasn't legit court just caught to change my last name i was 14 and wanted to change my last name to my stepdads my biological father had to be present for the appointment and sign off on it it went something like this judge ok if everyone will sign here your name will be changed bio dad i'm not signing judge why not bio dad what if she gets pregnant out of wedlock i want the baby to have my last name reminder that i was 14 years old had never even kissed a boy and i hadn't spoken to my dad in at least five years the judge told him that was an irrelevant point and convinced him to sign the paper i was glad to leave that part of my life behind me that day not a lawyer but this story comes from a cop so they got a call about a guy having sex with a girl in his van they show up and arrest the guy he's 20 the girl is 12 when they arrest him his defenses but she told me she was 14 edit for clarification this was in southern california about seven years ago legal age of consent was 15 i believe so 14 still illegal when my cousin was on a jury for a domestic case the woman was put in the hospital by her boyfriend she was in a coma for 18 months and couldn't even appear in court apparently the guy pushed her through a door and down the stairs the guy's defense lawyer was actually trying to get him off with a lighter sentence but then they guy opened his mouth and tried using the defensive if she would have just listened to me about not touching my gun i wouldn't have gotten so mad i didn't think the push was strong enough to put her through the door i didn't mean to put her in a coma it just happens when my cousin told me this i couldn't believe it he ended up spending three years in jail and is no longer allowed to possess weapons he was deemed mentally incapable of handling such things my rapist's lawyer tried to argue that i wanted it i was 8 when i was assaulted and had no idea what was going on or what he was doing i had a guy come into my jail with a robbery charge he tried to explain that it was a misunderstanding because he just took a girl's money and kept the weed he was supposed to buy her for himself so at most he was just a itty boyfriend he made his situation worse by throwing and did she tell you we're ducking she was underage was sitting in court for traffic violation the guy in front of me had a speeding ticket to fight it he pulled out a large stack of papers about three stroke four of an inch thick the stack of papers was a law he pulled out from the 1990s from a different country the poor judge had to read through mine is sort of a worst best defense sort of scenario a few years ago i was doing jury duty at crowned court in the old bailly it was to judge this gang violence case against a sri lankan gang in london essentially someone had gotten attacked with a machete in a car park and left for dead there were six suspects in this trial two of which had left the country what was very clear was that all six of these people were in complete cahoots every one of these four came to trial and blamed one other so no one got blamed twice that every one of them got the blame placed on them most of the evidence pointed to one of the guys in the trial or one of the guys that had left the country we had to vote not guilty because there was so much reasonable doubt against all of them that none of them could be prosecuted i knew a guy that was charged with pimping a 17 year old girl mind you he didn't tell anyone he knew she was 17 i won't get into the morality of pimping because that's another subject entirely but his defense was that he wasn't a pimp he was a rapper and a drug dealer like why the duck would you admit to being a drug dealer they threw the book at his ass with like 20-26 years new law for pimping miners statutory rape etc edit he actually was a drug dealer too so maybe he thought it would work lol but they clearly had recordings of him from jail where he was talking to this girl and doubting himself like an idiot traffic court guy said he had been speeding accidentally because the speedometer in the exotic foreign car he borrowed was marked in kilometers not miles the failed atmos judge actually bought this defense even though driving at 85 miles per hour would have been displayed as 136 kmph i found the girl dead before i raped her i overheard this guy tell the officer that yes his car license is suspended but his i don't remember the correct terminology the driving truck one isn't and neither is his moat license three people and the judge tried to explain that a suspended license means he's lost his privilege to drive in general and all together he kept fighting it and saying he wasn't fixing anything because he's now driving a moped and that license is still okay he came out with saying it's suspended for several old duis story from driver's ed guy was in court for killing two relatively young gals while drunk defendant lawyer claimed that the young girls should be at fault because this man was drunk and the girl was sober she should have had the reaction time to get out of the way pretty stupid offense but in terms of the worst defense nothing beats that absolutely appalling when i was watching my sister get sentenced for a minor offense i listened to this court appointed attorney talk about this 18-year-old girl who was in trouble for hitting her 50-year-old co-workers car and not telling anyone until the co-worker noticed the co-worker was yelling and carrying on about how this obviously pretty concerned 18 year old girl wouldn't even acknowledge her at work anymore and how she found her cocky and disrespectful her court appointed attorney basically just said she told me she was afraid of you and wanted to stay out of your way while this was being worked out and the woman screamed that's ridiculous as far as defending yourself goes that wasn't a great way to do it i only sexually assaulted her to make her feel more confident about her body as she was a big woman paul gascoigne ex-professional footballer today judge why are you late defendant my momma didn't wake me up judge how old are you defendant 42 traffic court i was the defendant i show up in a suit and tie and i'm waiting for my attorney judge is there first part of the day is just making sure we all show up and then the city attorney offers us a discount to plead guilty that is first time offenders have to sign up for a class on safe driving other than that 30 off the top always fight your tickets people anyway i wasn't going to accept a plea deal cause i had an airtight case even my lawyer agreed she was nice and actually listened to me and did the ground work so she shows up i've already checked in and she and i refuse the initial offer she then tells me to go wait outside while the city attorney tries again to get me to take the plea and others so the thing with traffic court is that the officer who wrote the ticket has to show up my attorney was concerned because the guy who ticketed me typically shows up so we go back into court and i'm sitting there and a group of guys come in all wearing ripped jeans and graphic shirts with dirty work boots one of them looks familiar but i can't place him and figure it's just some more people waiting for tickets they were the cops for the various cases the judge was not amused their defense for their condition was that court was too early me and about 10 other people all had our tickets dismissed i have the signed letter from the judge framed we didn't have to say a thing the poor city attorney though he looked like he was about to die when the judge asked to speak to him like seriously i honestly feel he felt he was walking to his execution i was a juror on a dui case the driver had drank six vodka tonics and three beers in about three hours his lawyer tried to argue that electronic interference is what caused him to fail the breathalyzer test not in court but i saw a guy pulled over and cops were trying to give him a field sobriety test he said he couldn't walk in a straight line toe-to-toe because he was a tugboat captain and his balance wasn't normal we were on a bar patio with in-ear shot and we ducking fell out even the cops were laughing right in this dip its face needless to say he got cuffed and stuffed i was sitting on a jury for a case of reckless endangerment or reckless driving or both anyway the defense was it's not illegal because he didn't mean to he was ducked up on pills i seriously hope that guy got an appeal for bad counsel maybe not exactly a bad defense but when i was going through the legal system with my ex-wife there was the case before hours between a woman and her son she was suing him over a bag of cat food he took a bag and never paid her for it after he'd promised he was just kind of like yeah never paid her back and i probably never will what's worse is the judge sounded so casual about it like as if it was a normal thing for him to hear caught over a bag of cat food was in court for a traffic violation in the state of florida i'm sitting with a room full of people who are also contesting their tickets there was a lady who looked like she was a waitress who got up to make her case in front of the judge she point blank told the judge in front of the officer that ticketed her that her violation was bullet from a know-it-all cop the judge then questioned the officer your honor the defendant's car was going 75 and 35 and ran several stoplights the judge then proceeded to ask why those charges were unreasonable her answer was parody level i was drinking last night and woke up late i couldn't lose another job so i needed to be on time she ended up paying 500 for wasting the judge's time in addition to her tickets throw away here the worst defense i ever saw was when my ex-wife was trying to take my son away from me i previously just a year before one full custody over him due to abuse and conditions he suffered under her household while she didn't conduct any of the abuse herself she knew of it and did nothing choosing her then partner over our son after that year was up she still had visitation rights in the summer she decides to take my son in the summer and refuses to give him back under this delusion that my custody was only good for a year now previously i went easy on her in court because in the middle of our first court battle she gave up because she didn't want all the terrible things about her to get out publicly this time in the attempt to save my son from was should have been treated as a kidnapping i pulled no punches and talked more about her and how she is unfit as a mother and unstable as a person her history of suicidal and self-destructive behaviors which my son picked up on and thankfully through therapy no longer partakes in such a self-mutilation how she used to threaten to murder our son when we were together and how she never puts him first even when he is being abused which lead to me getting him in the first place quick clarification so originally she had full custody of our son i know how absurd that sounds but the first time around in court during the divorce i was absolutely screwed and unfairly so anyhow the judge asks her about these behaviors and she screams out in the middle of the courtroom i don't want to hurt anybody i just want to kill myself the entire courtrooms was in shock and just fell silent for a moment her lawyer just kind of slumps down and that certainly was a nail in the coffin for her case i didn't even have a lawyer and thought i was so screwed despite being the stable and obvious parent my son should be with and the judge gave the judgment in my favor one of the reasons given was the erratic behavior my ex-wife displayed in the court if anyone is wondering how my son is doing he is doing great he went from living with her and constantly missing school and poor grades and being frightened and abused all the time to a loving household where he is now a perfect a student and hasn't missed a single day of school in over two years he's happy and is a wonderful kid that i admire because i don't know if i could do as well as he has if our roles were reversed i only hit him he fell off the building himself a stupid person who spartan kicked my uncle off a high school building that kid who drunkenly mowed down a family of four argued that he was too spoiled to know the difference between right and wrong some guy sang a song about how sorry he was it was honestly beautiful he still killed a kid dumbass got life in prison in a recent trial we were reading to the other side's witness male married heterosexual a document in which he literally said i'm a genie not genius i've managed to double penetrate jon and get him to agree to this stupid proposal we asked him you were happy because you had deceived jon into agreeing to this proposal and you know you had had one over him and had sold him a bad deal correct to which he replied no what i actually meant in that email was that i had sold john a very good proposal one that i would accept myself and i was so ecstatic that i wanted to have sex with him to celebrate aside from the fact that this response was clear perjury i loved it because it allowed me to turn around and give a long long stare at his wife who was sitting at the back of the courtroom and she became so red i wondered whether she might explode edit to be clear there was no six involved the man was basically boasting about having deceived our client this was a fraud case in this and other emails but he came up with a number of fantastic explanations as to why we all misunderstood his emails this was the example that stuck with me but there were a number of other ones including several ones where he called our clients idiots and fools and said that he could probably get them to erect statues to worship him which he explained away by pretending he was a big fan of michelangelo's david and always wanted a statue of himself the judge ended up throwing out his testimony as deceitful and untrustworthy and referred him to the cps for contempt of court perjury and growth this is in the uk [Music] you

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Id: iWmtCDb_ZIk

Length: 27min 4sec (1624 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 07 2021