Larry David's Steve Martin Tribute Speech

please welcome Larry David thank you thank you that's very nice lovely I only hope you feel this way when I'm done because I could destroy this night in two seconds easy easy my question is what do these people have against Steve Martin that they would even ask me to do this I mean they're giving him this prize it doesn't make sense I'm the last guy you want to do something like this I mean the fact is I don't really know Steve that well you know we've been introduced a few times in Los Angeles and the last time we ran into each other we realized we were both going to be in New York at the same time so we made plans to go to the theater I thought great I'll get to spend some time with this comedy legend you know one of my idols and really get to know him pretty cool pretty cool so we met outside my hotel and started walking to the theater and we saw this homeless guy yeah and I gotta tell you when I see something like that it really touches me you know it's just the way I am most people don't know that side of me they think I'm the guy from the show I'm not that guy That's not me that's a roll okay come on get real so I took out my wallet and I gave him $50 no big deal no big deal I give it out I don't care Steve by the way not only doesn't give the guy a nickel he insults him he says get away from me you lazy bum get a job I said hey Steve come on take it easy he said I don't like bums they creep me out yeah you see you know what I really shouldn't say anything he's getting the smart Twain prize it's not it's not right but come on insulting a homeless guy I can tell you Mark Twain would have done that sell the homeless guy staggers off and we continue walking and then I spot this cat stuck up in a tree you know I'm not a big cat lover their food always stinks up the room they're mysterious I don't really like mystery but when I saw that decrepit little kitty cat up there I knew I had to help it that could be some poor little girls cat how's that poor little girl gonna feel missing a pussycat again aside of me you don't get to say it's unfortunate but I'm really quite a treat anyway when I told Steve we had to save it he went crazy have you lost your freaking mind if you want to help this stupid cat go ahead but hurry up he said this your big Mark Twain prize winner you big reason I had to dress up like this when I have two tickets to the World Series so i shimmied up the tree that's right I shimmy I got the cat who was totally dehydrated and missing a leg poor thing and then I said Steve could you please hold the three-legged cat so I can climb down and when he saw the cat he got so freaked out he urinated all over himself and then he took off down the block and as he was running he dropped a piece of paper I picked it up read it and then later when we took our seats at the theater I handed it back to Steve who said it was a new piece he'd written for The New Yorker I said Steve you didn't write that Dorothy Park it did you see they shouldn't have asked me to do this I well I can't help but I gotta be honest did I say something wrong should I not have said these things all right anyway then the curtain went up but it was really hard to watch the play because Steve won't shut up apparently he'd been considered for a part but he didn't get it he was so consumed with jealousy that he kept criticizing everybody and making rude nasty comments and one point he even yelled out can't hear you then in intermission he walked into the lobby he started yelling hey everybody it's me Steve Martin the Mark Twain Prize winner that's right Mark Twain never heard of him and which point he reached into his pocket took out a flask and started guzzling some bourbon I said Steve what are you doing you can't do that here are you crazy he said I shut up your dirty Jew okay I'm sorry all right I'm not a violent person but I wasn't going to stand there and let some mean selfish plagiarizing incontinent cowardly drunken egomaniac attack my heritage so I popped up - no started believing uh you should have started him cry with sickening my nose my nose okay I'm sorry I should I not have said anything that I've did IRA I ruined the whole night right tonight did I run up I told you they asked me well maybe next time you'll give this award to someone who really deserves it someone whose personal conduct is beyond reproach someone like you figure it out meanwhile why don't we all watch another clip from Steve in this piece from both finger Steve plays a man desperately trying to get a deal from major studio executive played by Robert Downey jr.

Channel: grant money

Views: 1,425,046

Rating: 4.7963414 out of 5

Keywords: larry, david, steve, martin, mark, twain, 2005, curb

Id: Gjl80E1SSmM

Length: 7min 25sec (445 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 23 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/junkiejarrett]

We need asshole Steve Martin in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[u/neutrinbro]

He is so hilarious. This bit can be so cringeworthy in the hands of someone less funny, but he just killed it. One of our comedic legends.

[u/NewClayburn]

I wanted to see the Bowfinger clip.

[u/UniversalPolymath]

Jesus, I had no idea Steve Martin is such a piece of shit.

[u/Gato1980]

Well maybe next time you'll give this award to someone who deserves it. Someone whose personal conduct is beyond reproach. Someone like... eh... you'll figure it out.

4 years later they gave the award to Bill Cosby.

[u/profotofan]

This is amazing. Love Larry David.

[u/fuzzo]

Displaying his truly remarkable talent by reviving an incredibly ancient bit and killing. Murdering.

[u/jerkin_on_jakku]

It only really struck me how cool it is that Larry David has his own theme music

[u/Lust4Me]

Was hoping Steve would yell "can't hear you!" at the end.