Ladies R&R

[Music] is [Music] is [Music] is [Music] [Music] okay we're almost ready to start so if you guys would all get a seat sit by somebody you don't know so you get to know them [Music] okay we're almost ready to start my god [Music] it's my testimony [Music] oh [Music] [Music] okay guys ellen needs a a lot of time so we want to get started if we can and i can't sing at all but i see this sign behind me and we're so thankful to be here and we do want to praise god so whoever can sing donna get up here [Music] we'll start it off and let's sing praise to the doxology yeah sure here you want to stand yes dad [Music] here we go praise god from whom all blessings flow praise him o creatures here below praise him above ye heavenly host praise father son and holy ghost amen never okay um okay we're gonna we're gonna have our announcements at the end and you're welcome to stay and have more refreshments and coffee um because we want to give ellen as much time as we can um ellen you want to come up and then i'll pray and we do want to remember today too which is september the 11th 20 years ago people lost a lot of loved ones and even though it's 20 years that hurt is still there so we want to keep them in prayer okay and when i called ellen to ask her she said yes right away not everybody says yes right away so i'm so thankful for her and she's going to share her story my mind just went blank ellen the title learning to be content con being content choosing to be content even when it's hard choosing to be content even when it's hard so let me pray and then we'll get started father god thank you thank you for this beautiful beautiful place that we can be and we just thank you so much for our church a light on the hill standing for the word of god preaching the word of god we are so blessed and i thank you for every pastor lord i just pray father you would help us all to be faithful to you help us to be women of your word to be in your word father to study your word to know your word so that when people see us when people ask us we have a reason for the hope that we have and we can share that so father now i ask that you would be with ellen and i ask that you would speak through her i pray for every woman here lord that you would prepare our hearts that we wouldn't think about all those things we have to do when we get home but we would just focus on you for this hour and i thank you thank you so much for ellen's willingness to come and share with us today and it's in jesus name that i pray amen amen thank you okay so when great when hermeta asked me to speak and i said yes right away it's not because i'm a great speaker it's because quite a while ago i had said to the lord lord however you want to use me you just let me know and so when i met a called i said well okay i guess god wants me to say something so this is all for god's glory i am not a practice speaker this is my husband's position in life not mine so here we go you just got a quick preview there we go okay we make choices every day we choose what to wear what to eat how to spend our money who to marry we choose our jobs we choose where we want to live but do we choose to be happy do we choose to be content there we go oh i gotta change my screen too okay at first i thought about choosing the topic choosing to be happy knight bird a young woman who is struggling with cancers through most of her childhood staying on america's got talent not too long ago and after she sang she said to the judges you can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy happiness is more of a feeling an expression of how we feel it's more of a short-term emotion when i look up in the bible to see what god said about being happy what i found was that god talks about being joyful in the lord and giving praise to god i couldn't find any verses that told god to be happy about me or about my life that doesn't mean that god wants us to be unhappy oops i think i went too fast but maybe contentment is a little easier to talk about paul told the believers in philippians 4 12 and 13 i know what it is to be in need i know what it is to have plenty i have learned the secret of being content in every situation whether well-fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in want i can do all things through him who strengthens me how is contentment different than happiness well contentment in the biblical sense is a deep-seated sense of accepting who and where we are at in any point in our lives contentment can be learned it comes from knowing god it's a long-term peaceful ease of mind you might think ellen doesn't know what's going on in my life my life is pretty hard well no i don't know what's going on in your life but i can tell you what's going on in my life and things that i've had to deal with i was married at 21 years old to my best friend howie and we had a wonderful life together with some struggles along the way as all of us do we dealt with infertility and two difficult pregnancies and after that life was easy for a while until our daughter developed a devastating life-changing autoimmune disorder but that's not the story i want to tell you today today i want to tell you about when life really got hard in 200 2007 i developed severe abdominal pain how he was in pittsburgh on a business trip and he was supposed to fly home that night the pain got worse but i was thinking it was something i ate for lunch then my daughter came home later in the afternoon and she's like you look terrible i was really waiting for howie to get home i knew i needed to go get checked by a doctor but his flight actually ended up being canceled caitlyn ended up taking me to the hospital and after tests and a cat scan it was found that i had an abdomen full of blood at one am in the morning i was rushed to the uh to the operating room to have this tumor the size of a cantaloupe removed howie was not happy about not being home after the surgery i was told that it was a benign granulosa cell tumor but that i still needed a specialist so i went to the specialist and he said you need more surgery we have to do a completion surgery where they removed my other ovary and and some other did some other testing i was told that i would be need to be monitored every three months for the next 30 years because it can grow up grow back that long there was very little information on this tumor there still is very little information on this tumor so i lived in ignorant bliss for about five years then in 2013 when i was at work i started to have some pain in the area of my appendix i work in the hospital which in case you don't know and i walked right past the emergency room and i looked in the window and i said they're too busy and i went home later that night i couldn't sleep and how he took me to the emergency room the cat scan showed another tumor right by the appendix the doctor didn't want to do surgery uh in a rush so she sent me home for a few days on pain medications when she did the surgery this time it was the size of an orange it had grown into the bowel so she had to move remove part of the large intestines and the small intestines and yes it was granulosa cell again the big difference this time was that there was a little bit more information it was indeed not benign it was cancer many of the doctors for many years have believed that this type of cancer tumor was benign but now we know better howie and i were also able to get more information on this granulosa cell now so when the oncologist recommended that we go for that i go for chemo again we asked well why and she says well because it's similar to prostate cancer and it looks like it under the microscope but we could not find any information that said this responded well to chemo so we refused then three weeks after surgery we went to alaska my doctor wasn't happy about it but we went anyway had a great time took a motorhome up into the arctic circle there we go 2014 22 months later my tumor markers showed that something was going on again sure enough there was another tumor by the kidney this time so off to surgery again again the doctor wanted me to go for chemo but we disagreed with her because we couldn't find any studies that showed chemo worked on slow growing cancers on the next visit to the doctor after my surgery the doctor had apparently done some research and she finally agreed with us that chemo was really relatively ineffective so this time i was put on anti-hormone drugs the week following the surgery were probably my darkest days emotionally i felt a very heavy sense of doom i thought why bother doing anything why bother buying anything why bother doing whatever because i was just going to die soon anyway i remember sitting in my rocking chair crying out and pouring my heart out to god and asking him to fill lift that veil of impending doom for me i can't say exactly when it happened but soon after god lifted that cloud off me praise the lord in 2015 howie was diagnosed with stage four prostate cancer his only symptom was having to get up to the bathroom in the middle of night what 50 year old man doesn't have to do that by the time it was diagnosed it was already in his bones he went for chemo for six months and all the test results after that showed very positive results we were expecting to get a five-year remission from this and we even went on a family vacation our last to hawaii ten weeks after chemo howie's cancer came back with a vengeance he was put on immunotherapy and liquid radiation but it seemed to have every possible side effect that there was he had the bone marrow was no longer functioning properly and he had constant vomiting while all this was going on my tumor markers showed positive again i can't even begin to tell you how hard it was to tell howie i actually told him right after this little trip down the shore because i didn't want to ruin his weekend just to complicate things more how he ended up in the hospital a week before my surgery with a resistant infection i was in a panic mode but my surgeon wasn't the morning of my surgery howie was still in the hospital and all i could do was say hi from the doorway because he was on isolation god was good he sent several friends and family members to keep howie occupied and others to wait with my kids in the waiting room for the doctor to come out and tell them how things went this ended up being my biggest surgery that i ever had my incision was 17 and a half 17 inches long i had a chest tube and oxygen for a week i was in the hospital ten days while i was in the hospital howie was sent home a couple days later my son calls me up and says mom dad's not acting right i asked him some questions and determined that he had another infection and had him bring him right back to the hospital again to say this was a stressful period of time for my family is putting it mildly i think i have to go back one oh maybe i'm too far there we are the summer of 2016 was a difficult one howie had lost the use of his left eye which you can see in this picture the bone cancer had was putting pressure on a nerve that that controlled his island he fell several times so we got him a walker and you may remember him walking down the front to pray on sunday morning and how he could barely make it back to his seat despite all this he continued to work from home a little bit he wrote in his blog and he met with several young people and missionaries of which he had a huge heart for he wanted to help them with their future plans his biggest regret was that he could no longer go to the cancer center to volunteer as a chaplain how did i fair during this time well i healed from my surgery and with the help of my dad i was able to accompany howie to his doctor's appointments and his treatments and take care of him in hindsight i'm not quite sure how i got through that summer i would say that i grieved more during that summer than any month that followed his death it was so hard to see her and see him suffer with so much pain how he commented on my tears and he said and i said to him you know i can do this without you but i don't want to by the end of august he was back in the hospital and with tears in his eyes and he said i don't think i'm going home again three weeks later he died but during that time he met with a couple of missionaries and he was able to have good dogs with her kids the last day thank you the last day that he was able to talk to me was probably the day before he died and he told me his last message to me was remember god loves you how he died five years ago yesterday on september 11th the day after his death i went to visit bill kohut in the hospital i wanted to see him before he died every day howie and i called diane from the hospital to check on bill and how he would say i'm going to miss him and i would say no you're not you're going to be there with him anyway as i was coming uh how oh go back a minute howie and i had some long discussions over the time last summer that he was alive and we would talk about things that i would miss doing with him and one of them was hiking so as i was coming out of the hospital god displayed his love and his assurance to me in a very definite way because as i was coming out in walked vicki she was a person that we had actually talked about she was not someone we knew really well she was a friend of bill and diane's but she used to hike we used to go hiking together and she was exactly the person that i was thinking that would be good to go hiking with and in she walks as i'm walking out i had no phone number or email address for her but here she was god put her right in front of me just the day after how he died she called me a few weeks later and we started walking walking on sundays it was very therapeutic vicki had lost her husband about four or five years early so she knew what i was going through and i could cry and she would understand it was exactly what i needed when i needed it well my grief was deep that fall but life doesn't stand still i can't you can't possibly imagine how hard it was to tell my children that i had another tumor it was less than four week four months after their father had died and only six months after my last surgery i actually held off telling them until after christmas we had decided that we needed a different christmas this year this first year without howie so kate invited us to okinawa japan to celebrate at their house it was a wonderful week together and it was there that i told them it was very hard on all of us in february i had that tumor ablated or burned out it was an option that was available to me because it was now in my liver this is an option um i have to say this option was actually one of the easiest procedures that i've had done i was actually able to go home that same day but i felt very alone even though loved ones were with me i felt very alone this was the first time without howie without my best friend oh there we go 2018 was not to be any easier much to my shock a routine cat scan showed that there was something in my right breast i thought how could that be i was on medication that you take for breast cancer how in the world could i end up with breast cancer unfortunately the mammographies the ultrasounds and the biopsy showed that i had triple negative breast cancer the worst possible type to have emotionally this was difficult telling my children but it was even harder to tell my dad mom was still in the hospital after hip surgery and dad desperately needed back surgery i put off telling them until after my dad had scheduled his surgery he's one of those kind of people that likes to fix everything he wanted to cancel his surgery but thankfully my sister wouldn't let him a few weeks later i brought dad for his surgery it was just one day or two days after my chemo first chemo treatment but god showed himself here again in a clear way when i told my friend diana about the spot found in my cat scan she was there all the way she came with me to the very first doctor's visit for the biopsy results she claimed the title of chemo pal and bodyguard she never left my side that whole period of time she even went weak shopping with me like my wig she sometimes cooked for me and did whatever i needed to have done then in october i went to have surgery on the to remove the leftover of the tumor and to check the biopsies of the lymph nodes the biopsies on the lymph nodes showed that there were some live cancer cells still there so then it was off to radiation for the next several months oop too far there we go right after that in 2019 i was told that i should have more chemo that this would just give me better chances of being in remission from the breast cancer i thought oral chemo that sounds a whole lot better than iv chemo i wouldn't lose my hair again but i have to say that the oral chemo was probably harder than the intravenous chemo i don't know if it was because i was back to work but whatever i just could not be wait to be done with that 2020 there was no new cancer yay but i struggled with severe episodes of abdominal pain and vomiting every few weeks for several months i spoke to several doctors of course i see doctors all the time at work and i told them what i thought that i was having small bowel obstructions they all agreed with me but they had no answers no one would do surgery to remove scar tissue that was causing the pain because surgery causes scar tissue thankfully the lord led me to a wonderful acupuncturist who was able to eliminate this problem i also had elevated liver enzymes and i struggled with joint pain and muscle pain to the extent that it lived limited my physical activity and interfered with my sleep it's now four years since my last granulosa cell tumor this is the year that greg and grace got married and there's my little puppy that brings so much joy to my life i could tell something was going on again because i looking at my liver at my tumor markers they weren't quite right so this year it was official this time it was tucked into the small intestines doesn't sound quite as difficult as some of the other ones but it shared the same blood supply as my colon so this time i lost another section of my large intestines this is the third time that i could have ended up with a colostomy but god saved me from that again god truly blessed me with this last surgery i believe that the removal of the scar tissue and the adhesions opened up my liver to drain properly my liver enzymes are no longer elevated and my joint pain and muscle pain has been relieved so i i told my surgeon that and she's like i never heard of that before so that's that's just god's guidance on their hands god also blessed me with a wonderful daughter-in-law will i ever be in remission or cured from cancer only if god chooses how many surgeries will i have i don't know will it ever get to the point where the doctors say they can no longer do surgery probably will the breast cancer come back maybe how do i keep going even with all this doom and gloom hanging over my head only by god's grace we all have a ticking time bomb inside us i can just hear mine tick how can you be content with a ticking time bomb that's what i want to look at today let's look at what blocks contentment first okay and i don't look too content here leave it to my son-in-law to get a picture like that we all have core assumptions and beliefs like i deserve to be happy everything always happens to me life isn't fair the only thing this creates is a victim mentality i always figure that god never promised me a perfect life but a being a believer doesn't entitle to me to be exempt from life's difficulties genesis 1 and 2 shows us in the garden of eden eden that life was not intended to be hard but sin ruined everything romans 8 22 says we know the whole creation has been groaning as in pains of childbirth right up to this present time comparing ourselves to others this just results in discontentment jealousy bitterness and anger this blocks our relationships with others it makes friendships difficult and family relationships stressful it also affects our relationship with god it is hard to choose relationship with jesus if we are carrying around all that baggage god wants us to accept ourselves for who we are i know a lot of circumstances that have occurred in life where people would like to go back a second or two and do it over again the moment when you look away for just a second or you delay saying something that you should or doing something that you forgot we all remember the grandfather on the cruise ship who was watching his grandchild and the child fell through the open window wow how do you forgive yourself for that how do you forgive someone who caused you so much pain looking back sometimes we doubt that we did the right things did i choose the right doctor that i choose the right course of treatment even worse people question their decisions or decision question our decisions like did you smoke did you get regular doctor checkups hindsight is always better than foresight we make the best decision decisions that we can at the time that we have to make them and the rest we have to leave up to the lord in the end god is can control regardless of what doctor or hospital you may choose he is our great physician are you sporting a tude anger is sometimes a very normal response to bad things that happen anger at a person a situation or even god sometimes people say when i get to heaven i'm going to ask god why personally i feel that when i get to heaven i'll have a new understanding of life and i will fall on my face and i will praise god for being god what happens in this world is so much bigger than me i'm just a cog in the wheel god is the greatest great mastermind and engineer bitterness starts out small and it burrows in we replay our hurts over and over in our heads self-pity reinforces our sense of being a victim and creates hopelessness isolation can lead to depression anxiety and even substance abuse or suicide these are all normal reactions but when you get stuck in any of these situations it creates all kinds of problems back there we go fear the bible tells us do not fear over and over and over again fear of pain fear of suffering fear of loss fear of the future fear of the unknown will my cancer come back will my husband die how will i pay the bills who will take care of my children we all have vivid imaginations and can easily conjure up the worst images i could easily do this myself if i allowed it but i choose not to dwell on it sometimes i keep my busy self busy so that i don't dwell on it so like yesterday i went to work and did everything that i normally would do instead of creating an anniversary around my husband's death because it's easier for me to just remember the good things and not dwell on the bad psalm 56 3 says when i am afraid i will trust in him yep sometimes we become attached to material things like a house an object or even money memories can be wrapped up in objects and even our feeling of security sometimes our attachment is for a desired outcome or maybe a person who is close to us and we feel like we just can't live without them the ability to let go corey ten boone says i have learned to hold things loosely so god doesn't have to pry them out of my hands this is a process i had to give up our dream retirement my own physical strength and appearance you can imagine i have lots of scars how often i wish i could run home and tell howie about something that happened go back one there we go the ability to accept our lives at the moment one of the hardest things i had to learn was learn to say was i have cancer i am a widow it's like the words get stuck in your throat and you just can't say it so you talk around it you say things like the cancer or my husband's no longer with us say the words say them to yourself but say them don't become a victim to it having cancer and being a widow does not define me it is part of me if you get stuck here you can't move on do you have that person in your life that's always tearing you down and telling you're doing telling you you're doing everything wrong if you can reduce or eliminate this kind of relationship that's good but if many times you can't and then you need to learn how to set limits with that person so how do i find contentment contentment is a mindset for me where do i let my mind focus and my thoughts dwell how do i change my mindset i try not to dwell on howie's death but rather on his life writing out a story was difficult for me thinking over the last six months was painful instead i choose to focus on his life and who he was and he was pretty incredible how do we change our mindset so that we can find contentment prayer is the first place i turned turn when i want to refocus my mind and when i felt that heavy weight of doom so often we pray bless me bless me bless me instead of thank you lord i feel like i know what's best for me and my family and god should just comply with my wishes but god wants me to pray with a focus on him and his kingdom and what his grand plan is for my future and my family and my world when we focus our prayers on what is important to god it's not just and not just what is important to us we'll see amazing answers give those things back to god he understands our depression our fears and our heartaches when life is good and going our way it's easy to say thank you god for all his blessings when life is hard find at least one thing to be thankful for maybe you know you're in the hospital and your favorite nurse is on duty maybe somebody gave you a call when you were lonely maybe a tax rebate came in the mail to pay that overdue bill focusing your mind on thankfulness helps to reset your mind and brings contentment nightbird got it right in her blog she says i learned a new prayer thank you it's a prayer i don't mean yet but i will repeat it until i do bible reading is a way of learning about god the through reading the bible we can see who god is and his promises and his faithfulness this is how we change our mindset and find contentment god cares about our struggles and our heartaches exodus 33 14 my presence goes with you and i will give you rest in romans 8 paul writes verse 18 i consider that our present suffering is not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us verse 26 in the same way the spirit helps us in our weakness we do not know what we ought to pray for but the spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans verse 28 and we know that all things god works together for good for those who love him who have been called according to his purpose jesus understands and cares about our grief and our pain he also knows that joy is out there waiting for us psalm 30 11 you have turned my morning into joyful dancing you have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with god's promises are all laid out for us in scripture memorize them so when you need them they are hidden firmly in your heart if you focus on god's promises you will find that contentment follows close behind do you trust god do you really trust god do you trust that god loves you do you trust that god is all-powerful do you trust that god knows what's best for you god is god and i am not he is not obliged to give me a reason for my struggles he has a much bigger plan in mind and i am just a small part of that plan proverbs 3 5 trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding god never promised me that i would have an easy life but he promised that he would be there to help me through it this deep understanding and trust brings peace and contentment one particular scripture that has been speaking to me lately is psalm 46 verse one god is our refuge and strength he is a very present help in trouble look for it pray specifically for it so you can see it verse two therefore we will not fear even though the earth should change and though the mountains should slip into the sea though the waves roar and foam though the mountains quake and its swelling pride though my body is haunted with cancer though i'm widowed at a young age though covid rages throughout the world though your finances may be faltering though your marriage may be failing though you fill in the blank verse 4 there is a river whose streams are made glad city of god the holy dwelling place of the most high god is in the midst of her she will not be moved god will help her when morning dawns and not before verse 7 the lord of host is with us the lord of jacob is our stronghold come behold the work of the lord verse 10 be still stop striving stop playing god give up control and know that i am god tell someone keeping it secret is just going to make life more stressful trust someone enough that you don't go through this situation alone this may make you feel vulnerable but accept help possibly join a support group you may think that you're protecting yourself and others by not telling them but instead you're creating a lot of stress for yourself we need people to help us focus in the right direction someone to pray for you and with you that doesn't mean that you need to tell everyone just tell at least one person that you can confide in it will relieve a lot of stress and anxiety there we go there's all kinds of self-help books out there on all kinds of hardships in life and whatever it is you're going through it may not be medical it may not be grieving a loss of a loved one but i'm sure you can find some books out there when howie died i found two books that i found helpful the first one was heaven by randy alcorn this book was a comfort to me there's two notable quotes i want to share with you the first christians faced with terminal illness or imminent death often feel like they're leaving the party before it is over they're going home too early they're disappointed thinking of all they'll miss when they leave but the truth is the real party is underway at home precisely where they're going the second quote christ-centered righteousness living today is directly affected by knowing where we're going and what rewards we will receive there for serving christ the second book is a grace disguised by jerry setters this man lost his mother his wife and his baby girl in the same car accident of which he was driving how do you live with that kind of loss how do you live with that kind of guilt this was his struggle his sister said to him one day the quickest way for someone to reach the sun and the light of day is not by running west chasing after the setting sun but heading east plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise this is what started his look into the darkness of grief he concludes his book with this quote as long as i remain alive i want to live as a joyfully serenely and productively as i can now that's contentment this is jim henry yes a good friend of howie's what is stopping you from being content what are your personal vulnerabilities your weaknesses or your mindset what about your attitude what does god want you to want you to learn about this difficult time in your life what does god god want you to learn about him when howie was reading jim henry's book after diagnosis life he got to the chapter on journaling and he laughed at it it was something that did not interest him he didn't like to write after a long deep conversation with a friend shortly thereafter he was again challenged to journal that night he wrote his first blog he went on to write 40 blogs that went to about 14 different countries it was here that he expressed that that he dealt with the struggle of his terminal illness and he shared with the world what he learned and what he gained through that period of time he called his journal my journal to god's glory re-evaluate your priorities do your loved ones get your leftovers what about god do you have unsafe family members that you haven't talking to and you've been putting it off maybe you just lost your husband so you have to restructure your whole life to take care of your children or to help them through their grieving process seeking god's priorities for your life he has a plan for you live today as if today is your last serving others is not only a sign of contentment it's a means to becoming content our whole purpose here on earth is to glorify god building up his kingdom supporting one another and witnessing to unbelievers through word and deed micah 6 8 he has told you o man what is good and what does the lord require of you but to do justice to love kindness and to walk humbly with your god for me this was this is running over to somebody's house to help them with an issue whether big or small talking on the phone with somebody that was just diagnosed with cancer or just lost their husband god has equipped me to do this through my own personal life experiences my goal now is to do whatever the lord has put in front of me for god for howie it was volunteering at the cancer center going chair to chair in the infusion room praying with people and listening to their stories it's different for everyone in this room god has given us all different talents and experiences maybe it's simply praying with somebody or making them a meal or sending them a card maybe it's injecting as much love as possible into the lives of your children and your grandchildren take care of yourself often when we're not feeling well we don't take care of ourselves or when we're going through a hard time we don't take care of ourselves this just creates it wears on our health and it creates difficulty in finding happiness and contentment when you don't get enough rest and you don't eat right and you don't exercise it's it's difficult to go on eating junk food and gaining weight does nothing for our self-esteem or our physical well-being it just adds to our depression and our self-pity and of course what's the first thing i do when i'm stressed i eat exercise and the physical activity increases endorphins in your brain and it boosts your mood for me it's cycling these gals have helped me out many many times every time i have surgery this group of girls help get me back in shape i meet with them somewhere along our normal route and they kindly slow down so i can keep up it may take weeks or months to get back in shape but they're there by my side the whole time i find it best to go with somebody when i am down and discouraged because when i go alone my mind can go in crazy places they keep my mind off my problems and encourage me in the right direction forgive yourself and others don't hold on to regret self-doubt anger or judgment maybe somebody is causing you pain and you need to forgive that person even if they can't bring themselves to say they're sorry maybe you need to ask for forgiveness from someone that you have heard they may or may not forgive you but then pray for them maybe you need to forgive yourself forgiveness not only has positive healing effects but it releases you from unnecessary emotional burdens it decreases anxiety and it improves health it leads to a more hopeful optimistic and compassionate life you may not feel forgiveness at first start by writing it down or saying it out loud you might have to say it over and over again before you can believe it yourself corey ten boone discovered this to forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that that prisoner is you you can't be content if you can't forgive find some relaxation technique that works for you there's several effective ways to relieve stress and anxiety focusing on a bible verse that will put your thought patterns in the right direction not just bring not just begging god to fix your problems consciously calm yourself down relax yourself for breathing techniques and progressive muscle relaxation take time for hobbies and sports that you find relaxing for me one of mine is rug making howie would call this rug my self-portrait there's also apps that can help with it with calming down sometimes when all else fails a therapist can be very helpful maybe we don't even wait till all else fails and we start earlier when you get stuck in some phase that is causing you to be get discontent maybe you need some help maybe you can't move past your anger your fear or unforgiveness this is when sometimes an expert can be helpful it's not a forever thing it's rather a short-term assistance to help you deal with a difficult time in life someone to give you coping mechanisms how to help somebody else we all know somebody who's struggling have you ever felt that you can't talk to a person because you don't know what to say or do we had some friends who were go do you have some friends who are going through a hard time do you know how to react is it awkward is it scary does it bring back unresolved feelings of your own we had friends who struggled with this and it took them time it took time on our part to realize that our struggles are also their struggles here's some ideas just spend time with them just be there with them one of our friends who's not real big on talking but they're big on doing so one of our friends helped us plan as staycations when howie was on chemo when you have a friend who's struggling with life i like to take them out kayaking it's just two hours in the middle of a peaceful lake surrounded by birds and turtles and wildflowers i let them guide the conversation and it may have nothing to do with their problem but it's just a peaceful time to get away sometimes i take people out for a cup of coffee for lunch or invite or just go over to their house this is sue and leanne here out kayaking with me not that long after how he died we're just having a good time but it was very therapeutic for me acceptance accept what has happened to your friend and how your friend is responding to it just show them love pray with them not just for them it may not come natural to you but i feel that praying with somebody is more powerful than just praying for them avoid being an advice monger ask open ended questions and let them talk be sensitive highlight the positive be aware of your own attitudes as it relates to their situation be non-judgmental don't ask questions that may feel make them feel guilty for instance if someone has colon cancer don't ask them when their last colonoscopy was if they're anxious you can ask questions like what do you normally do to help decrease stress help them to look back on how they had confronted problems in the past there are were there problem solving such uh mechanisms in the past effective the israelites often forgot how god had let and guide them when we are stressed we don't always think clearly or need reminders we do need reminders be practical have you ever asked somebody what can i do for you today you might be surprised by the answer but then you also have to be prepared for it it could be child care or dog walking a meal or just sitting with them being content in all circumstances is not denial of your struggle but rather a refusal to be defined by it like i have cancer but i am not a victim of cancer the byproduct of contentment is joy and peace it doesn't take your sorrow and your pain away but rather it is a deep-seated assurance that god is god and that he loves and cares for us he understands what we're going through matthew 11 28-30 come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest take my yoke upon you and learn from me for i am gentle and humble of heart and you will find rest for your soul for my yoke is easy and my burden is light we need to keep our mind not on earthly things because earth is not our home what we're doing during our lives affects all eternity and those that we leave behind god calls us to be content in every and every situation we could choose bitterness and anger which only wastes our struggle or you can choose to learn and grow from your journey earth is not outside heaven as peter kieft wrote it is heaven's workshop heaven's womb you all have a handout if you don't they're on the table up front i was going to try to read part of this but don't read it now because you'll all be in tears this is the first page this is howie's first journal blog if you want to read all of his blogs the website is up there i'm going to read the end of it because i i practiced it a few times and i can't get through the whole thing but i'm going to read the end how he says i look forward to how god will use me in the time that i have left which will only lead to additional fulfillment i am very grateful for the hundreds of friends who have shown love to me during these weeks even though the winter season has descended upon me i will still be content i will remain positive and show the world the power that resides in me whether god chooses to miraculously heal me or call me home i am at peace this is howie's last written blog the pit is deep dark cold and lonely and i'm going to read the last paragraph you need to know that even though this has been really hard times i know that my savior has been with me and allowed me to live the abundant life talked about in john 10 10. while in the hospital i shared the life giver's message with three top officials praise the lord thank you [Applause] thank you

Channel: Hawthorne Gospel Church

Views: 308

Rating: 5 out of 5

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Id: KRlleY20zBE

Length: 67min 9sec (4029 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 11 2021