Koala STDs | Bonus Jokes Removed from Netflix

yeah I've been on a tour of which uh no one really has been on this scale or scope before it's pretty wild I've toured all of North America and then I have you know Australia New Zealand I have uh Latin America coming up um then I do Europe then I do Asia and then I pass away at the very end but you know my agent wants a boat so let's hook them up the best part of international touring if you're a performer is that you get treated so much better than you should ever be treated I mean my theory is they can't believe you took the flight uh I'm serious my last tour ended in Australia I got off the plane and the promoters meet you there they're like you're here and you're like yeah we have a contract I thought we were doing this you know and then they offer you the world it's wild like they go we're going to take you to the best restaurant in the country tonight I go oh wow thank you and they go tomorrow you'll be on the field for a rugby match I'm like no and they go the next day you're going to meet the Prime Minister and you're like this is for stand-up are you sure about this one of them says to me would you like a private tour through an animal sanctuary when I was like uh yeah I would it was amazing then the lady in charge of that place goes would you like to hold a koala I go let me ask you something who the says no to that of course I want to hold a koala they're adorable and I did and it was and then she walked me out and she goes I hope you have great shows in Australia I said thank you very much she goes can I ask you a favor I'm like yeah anything she goes don't make the same koala jokes everybody makes and I go you got it what the would those be and she goes you know because koalas have chlamydia and I go wait what she goes most Koalas in the wild have chlamydia but it's a different strain than what humans have okay she goes everybody makes the same joke don't a koala because you'll get chlamydia and it's just not true okay and she goes will you tell people I will never let her down and if you guys leave here with anything tonight I hope it is this you can go to Australia and you can all the koalas that you want to and you will not get chlamydia also speaking from experience it is not that fun um they wiggle a lot they smell weird I recommend a hand job from a kangaroo they have these little paws and they let you come in their pouch and they bring it home to their families that's a blooming onion mate isn't it yeah it is

Channel: Tom Segura

Views: 1,957,580

Keywords: tom segura, comedy, tommy buns, tommy bunz, t nutz, comedian, comic, stand up, funny, vlog, podcast

Id: Fu6X5eBpwKs

Length: 3min 34sec (214 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 18 2023