Kat Timpf | Club Random with Bill Maher

love random what do you want I would have I have this beer bottle of a little tequila too I'm a tequila girl as well you want this and I just pour it just like put it in here just I just sip on it okay that'd be cool um thank you that's enough yeah that's cool for now at least we'll see how it goes you know so that's what you drink tequila tequila and beer yes together so yeah that's what I'm doing right now you drink tequila and then you chase it with a beer yeah so you just want ice and no yeah no soda or anything I'll put a little soda yeah I think I think tequila uh tastes good with some kind of stuff yeah sure [Music] um all right then I'll take mine I did just do a shot in there yeah good for you other than that yeah why not so you drink how much would you say how much would I say yeah I mean like per week how many per week between like zero and 14. what it's zero yes one to zero a week sometimes when I just I don't I don't feel like it or I'm working or something like that but I don't really drink during the week at all but then on the weekends I've never had a week I didn't feel like it really all right I mean I used to I would say I mean I don't know how late into life but certainly until I was 50 I probably you know had more like 25 30 drinks a week yeah yeah which is not like a drunk but it is definitely it's definitely Irish yeah and you know now I have like three like a week yeah okay because you just you know you otherwise you'd look like Ted Kennedy see that's the things I I feel like I don't want to like look like [ __ ] I don't want to right and feel like [ __ ] and feel like [ __ ] I guess yeah that too you know there's a saying in sports well you take what the defense will give you and I feel like that's the same with health like when you can get away with it you drink 25 drinks a week because I could because it didn't stop me from being exactly who I am I mean it wasn't good for my liver but it wasn't like I couldn't work it wasn't like I couldn't sleep it wasn't like I couldn't I probably didn't even have a hangover unless it was like six or eight drinks on a certain night which happened sometimes um but even that you know that's what aspirin was put on Earth for was it like a slow burn or you just stopped no I never stopped because I never done exactly I never needed to because like you couldn't function that way because that's what the defense is giving you your body is saying to you yeah we can take you drinking that many drinks a week and still be fine you're not dying from it it's not good for you but we're good and then when you get over 50 your your body's like well no we're not giving you that shot anymore but I also kind of learned the wrong lesson because my mom died when she was 57. yeah she did and she barely drank and she was super healthy and she ate all organic food and she exercised and she died of this super rare disease she just it's called cardiac amyloidosis so it's your body builds up A protein that your liver can't break down so it starts building up in your organs so it's super rare it mostly affects black men my mom was a woman I'm obviously not like mixed so it's not black and uh she died and I'm like you know what it's kind of a crap shoot and for a while I was just like let's [ __ ] go and I was drinking a lot like in my 20s but then I was like this doesn't make me feel good there's something like 7 000 what they call rare disease yes and like the ones that we know of that are not rare they don't know what the [ __ ] to do I mean this is something I always bring up when I'm debating people about covid and vaccines and stuff not that I'm an anti-vaxxer or anything you have to say that of course but like my overarching theme is always they just don't know that much they don't they you know in a hundred years people will look back at what we did especially during covert but look with them anything and they'll and they'll look at all the stupid mistakes and they'll go oh don't be hard on them they hadn't even figured out cancer yet yeah you know you have to realize that's where we are I know we think oh we're on The Cutting Edge yeah because we're the latest version of ourselves we're awesome but tomorrow will look a little Dumber because we will be a little dumb yeah and you know so yeah God forbid you get a rare disease because again they can't figure out the big ones little the the rare ones are the one that just go [ __ ] if I know exactly I mean Lyme disease is they're kind of that where we're with Lyme disease yeah we can just throw a bunch of [ __ ] at it and try but are we even diagnosing it right I mean your health you're on your own sister you just we all are just on our own yeah I think about it a lot though like when like how I will die when I will die uh I think because I was slapped in the face with it at a relatively young age but um slapped in the face yeah like when my mom died I I realized that death is ugly you know like I feel like our culture whitewashes it a lot where you're supposed to have like these beautiful conversations at the end of life in the movies like even Titanic you see Titanic and they're like actually in real life he wasn't able to I have that conversation because he was dying of hypothermia so I had I felt like I was doing it wrong when my mom was dying because our last conversations was her being like I'm can I get a nice trip I'm thirsty you know and it was ugly and it was gross and wait he couldn't have the it was talking about Titanic yeah he's in the world when he's in the water and they're having this deep emotional conversation that that would not have went down like that no definitely would not and as many people have pointed out uh uh she had room on the raft she did she did there was something there that was just so off or whatever she was on that door and you know in real life it would have been um yeah um could we table this talk about our future and maybe I get up on the raft I've never actually seen the movie I just know that last scene you've never seen Titans my mom wouldn't let me see it because there were boobs in it and then I told her I'll have boobs someday and like I don't so she's from Super Christian she was very Catholic she was very Catholic actually when I was looking for her but she was vulgar when I was like what did tits have to do with Jesus I I don't know I'm not religious yeah I I don't know I she was super Catholic when I was actually couldn't find her hotel room or hotel hospital room opposite uh I the nurses were like oh the lady with the all the pictures of the Pope and the dick jokes and I was like that's gotta be my mom so I filed in there but she yeah she was super Catholic and a lot of my extended family still is and I'm just I'm not religious I don't know you were yeah yeah and when did you stop being Catholic well we stopped going to church when I was 13. that was a big red letter day in my life because I was very traumatized by it from like whenever we I mean I remember catechism which is when we went on Sunday before church and that's like where it was taught by nuns and yeah that was like very scary to me and we were I was very young I remember first communion practice you're seven yeah did you get I got first communion yeah and then I was in the middle of practicing for what's the one you get at 13 that's where you get a middle name confirmation confirmation I did that one and we never quite made it there I did that one and uh it was I was felt very liberated because I just always was dreading anything to do with church I didn't mind Church itself so much it was boring but my father and my sister were there with me but that catechism class it was so different than regular school which was like smaller I knew the kids this was like big it was like 40 kids in the room and the nuns were like you know they didn't really know who you were just you know they would [ __ ] literally hit you with the ruler and kind of stuff and uh and then after then I was there for a long time I was not an atheist I just didn't really think about religion much at all except if I needed something from God like I would plead with him oh I'll stop doing this if you just yeah some that kind of [ __ ] but I wasn't uh I think they're just I think even into the 90s I was not really an atheist I just was somebody who was I guess that's more agnostic but I if you ask me if there's a God I would have probably said yes I just don't think about him much and I think religion is stupid but that's not God you know he's different yeah and then at some point I don't know but at some point it was like oh come on yeah I guess I'm just I'm agnostic I guess because I really want there to be a God I want there to be a God but I can't make myself believe it and I mean I write about in my book actually about how comedy is a sort of religion to me it's because bad [ __ ] that happens I can be creative with it and can I can have some kind of meaning but I have a tough time with the Catholic Church honestly because I mean I I even do have family members who are upset that I'm not Catholic anymore especially because my book's coming out and I'm talking about all this stuff right and it's like well if you love me so much it can't God still love me even though I'm confused like I don't it's not that I don't want to believe and I'm not like I I reject God I just can't believe it and the toughest thing for me honestly or the thing that because some of the stuff that's mortal sins in the Catholic Church doesn't make sense like you masturbate and then nothing you masturbate and then you're on your way to get that you get hit by a car you go to hell the Ten Commandments don't make sense four of them are just about God's ego and like you know don't uh make up statues and like if you were gonna make a list of 10 really bad things the worst 10 things you shouldn't do you would include things like rape which is not on the list and yet you know having false Idols is or you know coveting thy neighbor's wife is on the list but but not uh incest or you know I mean it's just it's nothing none of it makes sense yeah what do you think of the uh abortion switch over with uh no more Roe versus Wade and people in red States they have to like Drive yeah I mean where you pro-choice program I'm pro-choice yeah I I just think you know someone else's pregnancy is like not my business that's how I've always felt about it um like I'm not sure about like if roe you don't think it's murder yeah I don't I also just think like you don't think it's murder I don't think so I don't think I think it is murder I'm just okay with it yeah do you know I actually that's I've I know people in my life who have said that exactly you know I mean there's no denying it's going to be a human yeah um but I so I have I have nine Frozen embryos with my husband that's like a reverse abortion like I have like nine kids in a freezer because I'm just like I I so you have no kid I have no I have the nine ones in the freezer so and then so in other words you could have nine kids with that yeah yeah so I don't even know how that works in embryo do they have to literally take it out of here so no they I I get my eggs taken out and he's in another room jerking off and then they mix them together of course and I had no idea because I've been on birth control my whole life so I had no idea I was like I'm skinny I'm probably not fertile I'm not I'm like a motherly person right I was like I like my voice is like I I sound like a man people on Twitter all the time excuse me of being trans I'm like if I was trans why would I not admit it I'd be so popular uh no uterus here and I was like holy [ __ ] like I actually can I'm actually we have nine like nobody gets nine and now they're just like they've been in the free on ice for like I don't know oh you mean they yeah they're embryos one time yeah and one I had no idea so how many they usually get when they do it like three to five oh so you're very first apparently right okay so what are you gonna do with them that's the thing I don't know so you know what I see I'm gonna try to get pregnant I think the sex way I'm not gonna try to get pregnant I think I'm just gonna take the IUD out and see so you want to have kids I don't see the thing I don't really want to have kids we're like don't get pregnant but but I don't not want to have kids and I'm a yes person you know I'm like let's do it and you know my sister's like that's a horrible reason I have children but I think children have been brought into the world for way worse reasons than that you know I'm like why not like if my body has the ability to like like have like grow like a human inside of it and like I it comes out of my vagina like why would I not sign up for that ride yeah why wouldn't you not I um yeah look I mean I have certainly uh aware that children are remain like one of the most popular uh activities there is I mean there's bowling and there's certainly uh you don't have kids yeah I have kids or like them uh there's uh you know there's uh video games there's movies there's TV but kids what enduring popularity you know that they're popular because even celebrities have them yeah and you'd like be like Jesus Christ what do you need a kid for you've got a good life you don't and yet it there's something about a kid people most people it's a very deep-seated thing I do not have that chip but I get it they really like creating maybe it has to do with mortality like I'm never really gonna die because I had this protoplasm that's really me and it came out of me and it looks like me and I you know it's it's me it's me come on it's just it's you and I'm terrified to be clear I don't blame you I'm terrified my husband really wants kids right and I'm like I'll have his kids how long have you been married it'll be two years on 21st and he's like a good man right like no like good you don't know me but I dated trash almost exclusively like it you know humans and I think that's because I didn't want to commit to like a boyfriend I was like because then if it goes wrong then I have to feel bad about it maybe so there's a lot of trash out there there really is so it really is hard to find and a lot of it is really hot so like really it's tough but he was like he gets it he knows that I'm ambitious I want to keep he's like cat you're gonna be a great dad so that's funny so I'm like I'm down to do this with him so that was your type hot trash hot trash a lot of it like uh like um if you think they're trashy because they're hot and it allows them to be dressy I mean I like tattoos I like like you know uh you think that's hot or trashy both yeah yeah because I like trashy equals fun in a lot of different ways like I don't want to die where I'm like I have this idea and he's like oh we shouldn't do that I'm like what the [ __ ] you know yeah I think when I was younger I certainly was not opposed to Trashy um because I should say fun and stuff as you get older it's like it's the parts of trashy that we get on your nerves it's far outweighed how good the sex is and also there's just the oh I don't need trouble in my life so yes I I but I certainly look I never got married yeah obviously I can't believe I did right yeah I mean some some guys don't get married because they don't like girls and some guys don't get married because they like them a lot yeah and so no saint here but yeah trash that is something how old are you I'm 34. yeah you could still do it yeah no you you transitioned at the right time that's it you gotta you know you sold your Wild Oats and then you really yeah you got it out of your sister and I think women can get it out of their system and then there are men like me who like no I realize at a certain point in my life oh I see there's this is never going out of my system this is my system and that's fine too I mean again I thought I just got exhausted after all I mean and he's also just the right guy he's he's very he lets cat do cat he's very cool he's very secure in himself and he's Works in finance he's from a great family like he went to boarding school which I didn't even realize was a thing well two are gonna have a kid yeah we're gonna have a kid it's gonna be crazy you know but like he he had no we'll do it now because you know 34 is uh it's a you know it's not too old but you know it's not exactly what Mother Nature fully into no it's a geriatric pregnancy I've already gotten science involved really I mean I have the nine Frozen kids because I'm just like I don't want her to do and it's like how crazy is that though there's just like nine embryos like on ice because like I'm not sure when you when you go no you're not gonna have nine babies no no they're gonna pick one of them that's the crazy thing how do you know which one to pick I don't know which one to pick I have six boys I have three girls oh really they know these oh I see they know at that stage and do you get to look into a glass case like you do at a jewelry store that's the thing is I want that one I think that one is going to be a genius and that one uh I want to just try to get pregnant the sex way and then they'll have even more extra kids I have no idea how they pick oh I see I have no idea which is a little weird but you froze them because you thought maybe you couldn't have it yeah like what if I want to have kids because I had no idea if I was fertile next on birth control my whole life and also what if I want to wait like this way if I wanted to I could have a kid when I was like 50. where do they store them like in a fridge or something yeah I've never seen I don't I don't visit them no but like is it it must be some place very secure um and um I'm hoping that when the power goes out they have some sort of General right or because you know you wouldn't want the kid to melt no exactly I I really don't know it's just one of those things it's one of those things that you do it's so weird you know and it's so weird but doctors can just explain everything in like a like a calm cool clinical way whether you're like creating a Frozen kid to freeze or like somebody's dying the doctor's like okay so and then they make you feel like everything's normal well that's you know part of the problem with the American Medical system is that doctors do make you feel like they have the answers and they don't so they don't they don't not always you know not to go back to 7 000 rare diseases yeah but not usually I mean that look if it's something obvious like a broken leg yes anything the least bit complicated doctors are guessers are they better guessers a percentage of the time than the average person because they went to medical school yes they are they also just get a lot wrong not because it's their fault we just don't know that much yeah we just don't they're still mapping things in the human body they're they so something that's like oh um that's not completely obvious you that's why they say get a second opinion and then that doesn't even match the first one Club random is brought to you by the audio marketing gurus at radioactive media so it's May and that means Mother's Day is close anybody can buy Mom flowers but how about impressing her by being smart about advertising for your growing business that's right this is an ad for advertising maybe you've tried ad streams on social media and Google and experienced lackluster results now it's time to do something different to stake a name for your company grow your business and yes make your mother or both your mothers proud partner with shows like mine enjoy lower cpms and elevate your brand in a space away from your competitors by contacting the team at radioactive media they create nationally airing campaigns for podcasts terrestrial satellite and streaming radio radioactive media is the leader in audio marketing they create customizable campaigns to 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series Love and Death tells the true story of two church-going couples candy and Pat Montgomery and Betty and Alan Gore enjoying life in Suburban Texas until an affair ends in Murder hosted by Nancy Miller the official Love and Death podcast will explore the making of the highly anticipated limited series welcome guests from the cast and crew to examine the lives behind the real players and dig deeper into circumstances of the case stream Love and Death podcast on HBO Max and check out the official Love and Death podcast on atrio Max and wherever you get your podcasts I go to the doctor all the time though for what just for everything like my your hypocrisy that's what my husband says but I'm like no I really do have [ __ ] that's wrong with me sometimes like what well I actually almost died uh I uh I had a perforated bowel I had asked to me for five weeks or what happened my bowel just perforated so I had a stomachache that was really bad your bowel perfect yeah yeah yeah in 2020. from uh vigorous anal sex that's the thing is no apparently not that's the thing it's no I asked and they said no but it could have been that no it wasn't that but it could have but well no it wasn't it doesn't you know you said that's the thing like no it wasn't like that's the thing I I was enjoying it I was like as long as I enjoying anal sex why so but you thought it might be one of the reasons I did ask that question well then obviously you're having anal sex okay well hey there's nothing wrong with that I mean the Bible says it is but between husband and wife there's no exception but what is the policy of fox I don't know getting [ __ ] in the ass it's my healthy marriage I don't not that I know of otherwise I just violated it could that have been part of the Tucker Carlson firing uh I have no idea what happened but you wouldn't rule out anal sex being a part of it I probably [Laughter] I probably would I probably would I mean so I don't know what happened it was just .001 chance it happens to some people so I had the bag for five weeks it was disgusting what do you mean the clock it was awesome so I have a scar right here I can show you it's very small it's not gross I believe you right there no it's not gross it's just a little scarf okay and um but while I had the bag my husband did still have sex with me what yeah he's a keeper that's right that guy is a keeper that's what I mean he is and you know what also if anything [ __ ] you with the best yes and if anybody like on the Internet or in real life ever tries to tell me I'm ugly I'm like I had sex with an with a [ __ ] bag right like I'm like I'm that level of attractive and you don't even have your face on your [ __ ] profile oh no you're very attractive well thank you I'm wearing a five pounds of fake hair but but even without I think you're very attractive but I gotta tell you I would not [ __ ] you with the bag I mean that that your house no you get sick much higher grade yeah because that is some that's some serious devotion it really is but the I wouldn't even let you live in the house dude honey I'm gonna pay for the four seasons for six weeks I just hang out there and when the bag's gone you come right back home he would empty it for me because I couldn't look at it I was disgusted with it it's so gross it's on your own but you know what's it you know it's but what do you what are you gonna do what are you gonna do I think what are you gonna do you're gonna [ __ ] in the back you have to and after I was I was out I threw myself a party called cats out of the bag anyways we had these unused ostomy bags were already open like the bag so they got the hole in it for the your intestine and then the hole that you know whatever to dump it in go back your intestine goes in the bag yeah I thought it was a valve too it's your actual small intestine that's out it's in the bag yeah why isn't it in your body because so I learned a lot about the digestive system so uh my colon is the large intestine had a hole in it so they they can't be it'll become separate you can get a hole in your cone I have no idea I only had the bag for five weeks it was really minor it was just something that's from anal sex because because I don't well how would I've never had matter of fact somebody would have to have a needle dick you don't go all the way up to the coast I already told you it wasn't from anal sex you really wanted that to be a headline no it's Tucker Carlton was fired for anal sex that we've established that's that's what you've established but um but so yeah so it's it it goes It goes there's like something you ate like Egypt it could be and I had a colonoscopy a few weeks prior it could have been something there I really don't know it was no it wasn't wait a second yeah excuse me Sherlock Holmes you had a colonization it was a few weeks before that yes because it was a small tear that didn't heal or got infected or yes that's how exactly of course it was the colonoscopy yep that's what I think that's that's probably yeah okay you know but I did the cat the awesome bag again one goes here one goes out so what we did is we poured champagne into the unused ospi bags like the extra ones we bonged champagne out of them to celebrate so like whoa that was you know what if you had a [ __ ] bag if you had a [ __ ] bag you'd be finding ways to feel better about it too no I'm man well I'm glad you're better and you are all better I'm all better all my insides are inside right yeah right well you know this happened you're relatively young so your body's strong and you know can regenerate and yeah I mean uh it's terrible you had to go through that it's like boy uh I'm not going to say don't ever have a colonoscopy I will say this because I apparently never seem to Tire of pontificating about the American Medical system but it deserves it and that is there is just way too much testing yeah I'm like give me the test I'm like if I could get food drawn every day I do it let's go let's [ __ ] go how is my lipid panel house I I want to know okay you got to get over there psycho I get it I get it yeah because first of all I'm telling you testing is not always benign it's usually some part of it is somewhat less than benign usually it doesn't hurt you too much does a chest x-ray hurt you yes we when and when they say oh you know we know this amount of radiation you don't know [ __ ] you don't know [ __ ] you don't know what causes cancer could this combine with a thousand other things you're not sure about be the reason I don't know you don't know how you don't know my genetics maybe some people can get a lot of chest x-rays and they're fine in other people it is going to affect them yeah you don't know [ __ ] what I do know is that the more testing and probing they do in you there is also probably some risk every time with all of them and so yes are they is it a godsend that we have them of course because sometimes you need and it's great that they're not just guessing like Wizards in the 17th century yeah about the small toad but the drugs were better they let you do whatever you want but like people who like there's way just way too much testing in America I'm that person I'm like I gotta get my blood work I gotta get this done I gotta get that done but I mean if I wouldn't have gone to the hospital that day I would have been dead that's why people come to club random cats so I can straighten out their lives yeah that's true we established you've married the right guy I did um I did but the [ __ ] bag [ __ ] again that was he was we were just engaged at that point I was like this is the best I was like but I had a belt to hold the bag in place like a spandex belt to hold it because you know you don't want it you know what now that you know he'll do that I think you should test him a little further like yeah like some night eat the wrong things throw up in your mouth yeah and then see if he'll Fringe kiss you and like you know he would have to he would throw up in your mouth I mean I think he I mean that would be less disgusting than than that I think we could debate that really kissing someone with throw up French kissing someone would throw up in their mouth I mean oh look I mean College I mean a lot of people probably have done it but they don't know it when you're a [ __ ] bag [ __ ] I mean certainly it's not the norm but you're not actually [ __ ] in the [ __ ] bag you're [ __ ] their vagina and the [ __ ] is to the side instructions for sex post [ __ ] bag was all bold all capitalized underlying do not attempt to penetrate stoma and that's just the [ __ ] intestine the ostomy and that must mean people did try to [ __ ] it [ __ ] what the okay so your small intestine oh my God comes up if those were the instructions OMG people are sick people oh my God but that's not oh my God I can't even why was it bolded yeah because somebody did it and because more than once somebody did it first they did caps you're totally right they did caps and they were like okay they're not getting the point let's [ __ ] bold it you are totally right about it like stop [ __ ] the intestine like oh but like you know everybody's looking for something new and freaky humans and when I say humans um in this sense I mostly say men yeah well just [ __ ] anything any yeah that's what I'm saying they will [ __ ] your vacuum cleaner they [ __ ] children they [ __ ] intestines did you ever see the movie Crash I don't watch movies because they're too long we'll get to that in a minute but David Cronenberg uh interesting director not mainstream but he kept making movies The Fly was a hit Okay so this was about people who reenact famous car crashes on purpose and it turns them on someone in this movie [ __ ] I think it's Rosanna Arquette's wound she has like a big wound on her leg and it's like this while she was alive or dead no she's alive they reenact these car crashes and they get hurt in them because their car crashes and then this is sexual and people eat popcorn and watch this yeah I saw it in the theater I don't know if I made it to the end uh yeah um movies are too much commitment for me in general you don't watch movies no I really don't I don't watch movies at all why don't you watch them I I don't watch usually when I watch movies it's at home and I don't watch the whole movie at once like something has to really be amazing to get like Happy Gilmore it's my favorite movie oh my God well I love Adam Sandler I do too but okay so watch movies like I had this conversation with somebody here and they were saying you know watch it all at once I said do you read a whole book all at once no you read a chapter that's how I watch movies watch a half hour or 15 minutes each night why how can you not watch movies yeah I know I I don't remember the last movie that I saw honestly I I don't know any cultural references what do you do uh at night what do you like what do you do and what when most people are watching movies what are you doing oh I mean I watch TV like I watched reality TV I like to watch Trash I like to be like your life is a disaster what you grew up in West Virginia no I grew up uh in the Detroit area um I love Detroit I love Detroit Detroit is an amazing Place full of amazing people it is look at all the musicians yes from all from Motown to Kid Rock it's amazing you know that Bob Seger oh I mean yes uh yeah Motown but I mean Detroit itself is just like yeah it's it's like all the different strands of America it really is and it's my favorite place in the world so you grew up outside of Detroit so I moved all around uh until I was in like first the area until I was like first or second grade then we moved to a suburb called Macomb Michigan which is a middle class suburb but my mom grew up in Hamtramck which is like this polish neighborhood like in the city basically I mean now it's all Muslim but it was polish to start yeah and I spent a lot of time there growing up so I learned a lot of things like how to drown a rat and stuff like that that I think all the other kids didn't really learn and uh it was fun like they float like when when they float they're done the rats Oh I thought you meant a kid no my see my grandma had a big rat problem because all the factories close and the Rats had nowhere to live so they ran out to all the houses this sounds like you ever see oh no you didn't know what some is it a movie or did it yeah could I recommend one movie for you okay will you watch it okay uh you'll love it okay what is it you'll enjoy it okay what is wrong with you uh so many things how much time do you have I'm free Gran Torino okay it's Clinique I've heard of it Clint Eastwood is a movie star he's now in his 90s um somehow he's still making movies which is getting a little ridiculous and I'm a huge fan yeah but the last one he played a 90 year old Bounty Hunter and it's I just you know it's like you know he's not bad in the scenes I mean he's but come on you know come on I haven't seen him but Clint Eastwood I couldn't be a bigger fan of what an amazing filmmaker anyway he made this movie when he was like oh I don't know 75 he's you know this guy's a he's it's about Detroit I see it now I'm sold and the changing neighborhood he's like the old guy who was there in the 50s when it was all white and now he lives next door to a family from I think they're from Cambodia yeah you know or there's some Asian minority oh it's a yeah or Laos it's the Hmong people who were people who we we brought over after the Vietnam War because we just placed so many people obviously with them yeah no more so now he's living in a neighborhood with you know the Hmong people and it's it's hysterically funny very unpolitically correct I know you will like it for that reason this guy but of course he the the beauty of the story is he they learn to love each other and he comes to them as a savior at the end I mean I want to ruin it but it's a beautiful great funny not politically correct heart felt movie and I firmly recommend it I'll watch it great movies are tough for me though Grand Serena I've never seen all the movies you're supposed to see like Titanic uh that's another great one I never saw Star Wars I got in a big Star Wars I can't the biggest Scandal the biggest Scandal like backlash I ever had anything I've said in my whole life was when I made a joke about Star Wars like I had to get the police involved I said that I'd never seen Star Wars because I've been too busy liking cool things and being attractive and it gets struck a nerve look I am the same way and I'm sure it's genius and George Lucas is a great filmmaker but there I just have never been able to it's just something about it it just doesn't yeah it's yucky tried to watch the first one I know it's great in classic and I it's such a cultural phenomenon I know I know [ __ ] about it I don't that I know Luke Skywalker exactly you know that's so Darth Vader Darth Vader's his dad Darth why is that why is that scandalous like did Darth Vader bang somebody's mom you know what I call that what mind rape mind rape is when you know something I didn't know against my will exactly yeah I did not ask to know this I didn't ask to know that I was mind raped I mean I I know a lot of things about Star Wars I know like in a galaxy far far I didn't ask yeah yeah not I know there's something called an Obi-Wan Kenobi but I don't know what it is but Jabba the Hutt don't know what that is either the Star Wars bar and uh yeah and then I've even caught parts of like okay maybe if you don't know the plot you're lost but I've watched it at times like oh there's I say Star Wars episode nine the the revenge of and I tried to watch and I'm like really I don't know it just that's what was what must attract them is what I it just doesn't do it for me yeah but um but it's just weird what people can get pissed off about I don't know what you say if you're just joking around you know I very would you follow that do you follow your social media some no I don't just sometimes it's undeniable I mean very recently the biggest thing of all the things I've talked about my [ __ ] bag which by the way I had complications in the reversal where I was bleeding out my ass really bad I needed a transfusion and that was on January 6th like the January 6th all the stuff I've talked about publicly the one thing that I got massive backlash was a joke I made about lacrosse which all I said was um it's not a sport and I said it's just an arena of people masturbating to how rich their families are oh wow well because I know you're a liberal joke because I married a D1 lacrosse player but that's like a liberal joke yeah that's why they get mad at you because you're on Fox and you made a joke that a liberal would make and they were fact checking it they're like well my dad was an electrician and I played lacrosse when you I really just want to tell people to [ __ ] off so hard when they fact check your jokes like it's a joke and you know the guy that I'm talking about and I also married that guy so clearly I do understand why the what I'm talking about yeah I do I struggle with it every day okay but that's it in in this America it's very very hard to um not be on a team well but you're perceived as exactly you're on Fox so if you're on Fox you're on a team right um so yeah there there's if a liberal if uh you know I don't know some liberal host had made that joke there would be nothing would it would be a mild laugh followed by nothing because it would just be here's and this is what's wrong with America it would just be great joke Jimmy or whoever because it confirms what I believe right privilege lacrosse equals White Privilege somehow and maybe it does I don't know I know it was invented by the Indians but I guess we stole it colonizers blah blah blah and that's why it would be like we love this joke on this side and on your side we hate this joke because well and it's like it's just I told it on Barstool stupid country I told on Barstool which I mean the context and I love barcel I used to work there I think they're great uh but like nobody bothered to CH oh yeah she actually married a D1 lacrosse player you know like she's not she doesn't actually think I'm a bad and do you have a production company do I have a production company yeah not yet well when you do I think it should be called bleeding out of my aspirin dude that was my January 2021 like that was chapter five of my book is called [ __ ] bag and you know it's called shipbag and it's about the [ __ ] bag it's about my January 6th [ __ ] bag by the way I saw a [ __ ] bag at the Roxy about three years ago colostomy Orton no [ __ ] bag they were on that night I mean it was and when you see them in a small room yeah yeah man you know what but again I I love what you said because people can be like oh like Bill Maher's conservative just because you say like one thing that's like not what you're supposed to say because I deal with the same more than once I deal with the same [ __ ] in the reverse though right because I'm not conservative enough sometimes for the fox viewers because I'm not conservative I'm libertarian and that's actually a real difference if you're an actual libertarian and then everybody who's not a fox viewer is like she works at Fox like ew when I'm at a party and people don't know who I am and they ask me what I do I just say porn because that's fun and they're like oh we're proud of you because it's way less controversial than being like I work at Fox you look like it could be important absolutely you do slander of course I do you know but this is a very padded bra like this is yeah but that's like the thing now yeah yeah well I mean you got a different there's all neat needs are served on PornHub and some of them are for for I mean this is more my preference than I don't I'm not remember been the hourglass figure kind of guy yeah I got no I have no titties my bra size is double mastectomy well you've already got a name for your production company Productions sorry [ __ ] see that's right I'm gonna need someone to help with the market yeah no but it's like does that but you don't let that bother you because I mean you have a duck pond and you're super rich I don't own property yet well it is a duck pond but it used to be a pool it used to be pool but that's the thing no I'm so rich and I have another Pool exactly I don't even own property I run a [ __ ] apartment really yeah but what about uh [ __ ] Peg [ __ ] what is my husband I mean we will like he actually oh I guess we got married he owns an apartment in Nashville he's a landlord so I guess that's like part of mine now but we don't want to we want to buy a New York it's like do we have a baby with a baby you must you must be making good money you're on television every night I'm on television but then the government takes half my money which which it's which [ __ ] sucks and I don't believe in taxes because I think it's armed robbery but can you agree that it's a moral though so stupid it's immoral it's so stupid cat okay I get what you're saying but it's immoral to take someone's money it's not without without their consent okay well you know what there's I got a place for you there's no taxes it's called Somalia and I think you should move there because the president of Somalia well we'll call it they don't have they see they don't have a president because it's just it's just Lawless and there are gangs and militias who fight each other and terrorize the population because they don't have money from taxes to hire a police force or an army but see this is where when I was first got into television they labeled me a Libertarian and there are parts of because I was a pot smoker and I was single so okay did not fight the label I mean there are parts of My Philosophy still that I would label as libertarian which is people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurt somebody else now you get to something like covid and that becomes a debate because obviously covet can hurt somebody else right I understand why we're debating that I just come down a little differently than um the people on the you know super safety left but there could be another pathogen that came along and I would be much more on that page but anyway but libertarian I never embraced what the full libertarian thing was which just sounds like where you are because I thought it was just intensely stupid you cannot have a society that functions and all the things you enjoy in life without taxes now do they waste money yes should they be able to transfer it without doing it in a leaky bucket yes lots of things should but you can't live in a functional Society without taxes it's like primitive it's just it's just you understand what you're sophisticated I I think I understand what you're saying it's just I think that it's like Anarchy it's like for Anarchy it's another dumb idea but I'm not talking about policy though do you know what I'm saying all I'm saying is that it's I think it's a moral I think it's a Moral Moral it takes someone's money without their consent it's ridiculous to take too much money without their kids and they do or to of course they do because you're on Earth where life is not perfect right it's the best as Churchill said it's the it's the worst system except for all the others yeah well I mean at this point it's and I just think the amount of money that I paid and everybody thinks that everybody thinks they're taking paying too much taxes yes we're paying a lot of taxes and what are you getting for it yeah I mean exactly well let me answer the question look around the world and see how other people live in what they have to put up with yes I I pissed off at taxes too and especially California which is the ultimate make your [ __ ] bleed still is there a duck contacts do they no but they're so does somebody look at your pool because now you've changed my mind now I'm super left-wing now I'm a socialist and I look at your blue socks in it and I'm like you know what I own this pool now you know this is a government pool cat I got it I got it first of all guy Vanessa is working on a duck talk but I gotta tell you those Ducks those Ducks came into my life do you love them I didn't ask for ducks did you name that yes Onyx and ducky and they came into my life about six months ago and one day they were just there in the pool six months and yeah um they've been there about yeah I think about six months um she's already had children I was gonna ask you about that yeah we can't wait to have them have her bring them over but I think they're still in the nest uh there's a camera there we go the uh the male Onyx is a is a real badass because other Ducks came by seeing what a good deal it was and try to tell him they fight him every day trying to get I guess him to give up the pool and he first he beats them back and then he [ __ ] ducky I'm not kidding dude that's like a whole Bravo reality show going on in your pool I would use my other pool too what I worry is what if the ducks go in the other pool because they can't have both pools because they're going to expand well I need them they're going to expand their territory like yeah look at most of history no no I don't for some reason they're gonna colonize your other colonizers exactly yeah you know but that's you know are you do have you like Googled when are the baby's gonna be born like have you looked into that um well my friend who lives over here does he he he he he absolutely you have a bird keeper no no no I have uh someone who does the things I can't do in life which is everything but tell jokes and get up see that's what I'm working on too because I can't do [ __ ] anything I can't do any normal human [ __ ] but you're a girl you're not supposed to I get that I can't get that no I don't want to drive I don't want to drive I'm bad at it no but the girls still uh well I contribute to this time I'm sorry I'm in I mean menstruating people dude yeah they still um they still want the guy to kill the spider and oh no I love bugs but I'm a weirdo yes you are yeah you love bugs yeah you don't watch movies and you love when I was little I loved bugs bro I loved that I got another movie for you okay Arachnophobia okay I did that one I've seen oh [ __ ] I've not seen Star Wars but I've seen a miracle movie and I was on the spider side I was like so you like bugs I did I had a pet Cricket named Charlie because my mom and dad would let me have any other pets because my brother's allergies until I left the house and then they got a poodle uh and he was my pet cricket and my mom ran over him with the van and what was wrong with me as a child that I was so attached to a bug I don't know well did you have pets growing up like in your house a dog I had almost the opposite situation I collected butterflies for a couple of years like that's what I guess they collected like you take well you know what I I feel terrible about it to this day here's what we would do this is I mean I'm talking about when I was like maybe five or six years old they're very young okay so I guess I got a butterfly net first of all just in case people think that global warming you think this is why you're going to be canceled that you killed him no I don't think that's why oh there'll be a reason but that's about it no but I feel bad personally but here's so like for anyone who thinks global warming is you know a hoax or whatever um I got to tell you when I was a kid there was much more life like I live in the suburbs here this is most of La is the suburbs there's downtown but we all live in suburbs there's Greenery and it's beautiful okay that's now when I was a kid I grew up in the suburbs yeah it wasn't that nice but it was like there was a lawn and there was trees where'd you grow up New Jersey and life was teeming like there was just much more life more birds more butterflies definitely more insects and you'd smell sap and like there was just fireflies which I never seen there was just more life things that were we we are slowly killing everything as Homo sapiens do they're just the ultimately yes we are um but I contributed to this because I collected that was a thing I don't know again I was really young and you would catch them in the net I remember the different types the Tiger Swallowtail the Black Swallowtail the monarchs they were beautiful and then you would take it home and you'd put it in the killing jar there was a [ __ ] jar and I could smell it it was really the fact that you smelled it is the only sick thing you've said so far well you couldn't help you opened it made my mother tell me don't don't know even at five I got it did you snort it no it's killing the butterfly I was not into drugs yet and then after the butterflies were dead then like my father remembers I remember seeing him sit at the dining room table and he would Mount them and we'd hung them on the wall you know like in glass cases but I feel bad about it why because of your duck friend because I killed butterflies of my block for butterflies I [ __ ] get yeah after a certain point it's like okay but aren't men like hunters and gatherers right well maybe you were gonna kill those butterflies to feed your family I mean I don't know if men are Hunters I don't even know but I do believe in me Tarzan you Jane Yeah well yeah I mean with the exception of when you have a colostomy bag yeah look I was still gotta I was I was a real woman and just because I had an extra hole didn't make me that made me actually more of a mobile if you have some people he's a Four Hole yeah and you ask some people it's an opportunity absolutely you know I know my alarm I'm crazy with these alarms I have alarms that go off all the [ __ ] time and it gives everybody anxiety or without your phone no I actually all right I don't have to wrap this up anyway I don't want to wrap it up but I don't either but I hate the phone I turned it off actually I turned it completely off what are you plugging what am I plugging your book yeah all right me first for you first now let's do yours last so it has more of an impact okay Center Stage used to be the Hard Rock Live in Northfield Ohio May 20th May 21st I'm at the Mystic showroom in Mystic Lake ah Minnesota perfect place to go in May June 3rd the Met Philadelphia and the Wind Creek Event Center in Bethlehem Pennsylvania June 4th what are you doing Kat who lives in an apartment but soon we'll be living in a big mansion I want a duck pond I want to be like I don't give a [ __ ] about this pool I your best advice for getting rich before I before I plug anything well I think you're on the right path actually really I'm getting old too especially for a chick because as a 34 year old woman I'm actually older than you I need to be like 23 to catch any heat now yeah but you know what you're in a great place we're 34 are you kidding I was 37 when I started with unpolitically incorrect but as a man right that's true but first of all you're look you're you're not um you know you're not you're not in movies you don't even watch them you're in you're in TV and you're in TV comedy news TV I mean the scales of hotness I mean you're doing great okay I mean for for that level you're a 10. okay that's great you're a comedy news 10. yeah that's gonna serve you very well am I Duck Pond you I'm sure there are lots of Fox News watching nerds who are already you're their secret girlfriend I don't want to go into graphic detail I understand but they're [ __ ] your intestines in their mind I understand I mean when they hear this tonight and this is good but what a good sport I mean a lot of girl we talked about him being a hero a lot of women wouldn't want to have sex during the uh intestine out of the body period I want sex too much yeah even you must right yeah well I mean with your intestine tank exactly I mean was that not clear you're still horny then I'm down to [ __ ] with my small intestines out it involuntarily comes out like it's but it's also liquid it's whatever but I I bought a belt for it from this company I forget what it's called like ostomots or like ostomy Intimates or something I wish I could plug the company because they helped me out no you're on a great trajectory yeah telling you I know I've been there I know television I know people um it's a big Talent that's brought a big Talent oh you're well you're a massive Talent here's my book my plug plug in my book see this you can't joke about that I gotta tell you whoever took that picture I get a new person yeah I know it's just you look so much better than you do on this cover well thank you well but also that sucks but I look way better on the back I suck slightly better but that's you're supposed to you're supposed to look worse in person really who can't make a person look better in a photograph well I'm saying the whole what's the best you've lost the holding on a coffin that's not nothing to do I didn't even notice the coffee yeah um seriously this whole country is built on people sharing pictures of each other that are not realistic that's what I thought always in the favor of the picture no that's not reality that's what I thought and they can't make you look better you come up here and you look way better than the book no I agree with the picture on the book I agree with that but I was I was also like tired of answering emails that day number one and then number two I was also kind of like well maybe I'll seem more approachable if I look not as attractive yeah well that's I looked at that and I thought oh that's the theory is that oh this will alienate women because you know women can be you know like look at daytime TV they love it when you're fat or a lesbian or preferably both what they don't want is the hot chick you know hosting a show yeah so that's like I thought oh okay this is to put the women at ease I'm frumpy too that was the reason I was a kid that actually which sounds [ __ ] up but also I'm I'm like I am wearing a lot of fake hair right now for sure exactly exactly exactly nobody grows their hair themselves well I mean like men don't men at some point every man learns today not to say to a woman is that your hair because the answer is always if it's on my head it's mine I bought it I bought it exactly but you know like guys can't even tell about when I take out the hair they don't really care that much about it no guy is ever gonna be like oh like you know this girl over here is so her [ __ ] air has so much volume bro Wanna [ __ ] this girl it's they don't except except for one guy that I went on a first date with who I told him my hair was fake and he was like oh that must mean that you're not like I've really full hair as a sign of fertility I would love to [ __ ] ask him if he wants to hang out and then just drive him to see my nine Frozen kids all right well good luck with that I gotta go back to work my real job oh okay well thanks for inviting me oh it's a pleasure I know you flew out here just to see us that's very very flattered and appreciative that you did that thank you so great to meet you well we'll do it again I know I'm like and you and you are on a great path thank you so much you're in a great place 34 yes nine Frozen kids [Music]

Channel: Club Random Podcast

Views: 727,355

Keywords: club random podcast, club random, podcast, bill maher, bill, maher, club random with bill maher, real time, real time with bill maher, Kat Timpf, kat timpf gutfeld, fox news, fox news channel, fox news media, fox news network, kat timpf book, greg gutfeld, gutfeld, fox news voices, fox news gutfeld show, kat timpf interview, gutfeld! tonight, kat timpf greg gutfeld, kat timpf hosts gutfeld show, kat timpf gutfeld show, greg gutfled monologue, gutfeld panel, tyrus gutfeld

Id: 0AseW4ixWi0

Length: 59min 56sec (3596 seconds)

Published: Mon May 01 2023