An Evening with Bob Saget Moderated by John Oliver

um good good evening everyone good evening Bob good evening John um welcome to the most Jewish place on Earth and and I'm very much including the Wailing Wall in that some anybody have coupons never done that one uh so um this I loved this book I want to marry you is that connected to what I just said or yes no separate thought okay um sidebar I think the reason I love this so much is that it's like it's a Manifesto for the way I think people should treat life and that is laughing in the face of intense pain because there is a lot of painful stories in here and what I would describe as a of a lot of dick jokes this yeah it's a lot and often they're almost in consecutive sentences not many writers can pull that off Bob well I have something to admit and I probably shouldn't say this here but I haven't really lost anyone in my life no one died so I know that's a buzz kill for the block but I made up all of us no that's that's not true no no people died no people died so it's worth please be reassured a huge amount of Bob's family has died uh and and it didn't end well please hold your left to the very end it was with this there's so many bits in this at one point you say at the start that uh of why people go into comedy you say when you're told not to do something unfortunately some of us that is exactly then what you want to do yeah were you like that as a kid then that someone would say Bob don't do that no why would you say that see I was trying to how great would it be if I just tanked on everything I said please respond not to that um yeah I had a problem I had a controlling uh mother um and I was told what to do a lot so um I just rebelled I rebelled against teachers um everybody does so it's a teenage thing that you do mine was pre-pubes though that I rebelled I had no no pubes and one's Rebellion that's that's the really committed Rebellion right anyone can Rebel with pubes I and and I hated my pubes once they started to come in so I would just I'd pull them out out of anger you know well she loves me she loves me not and then uh then I'd stick a daisy in my pee hole sorry I don't right I don't know sorry book is like filth Jazz it's like you're talking you'll talk about some of the most painful things you've knife but you'll always return to the central theme of your genitalia it's well it's where it starts it's not mine it's where Life Starts it does Life Starts uh from the wiener that's a fact I'm not challenging you on that that's just a fact I think I think that's where it is I mean no you can do it in a lab now you can uh somebody in a lab that's it uh but yeah this has this has a really impressively high dick joke count I think this is the most big jokes I've ever read in an autobiography since Madeleine Albright's Madame secretary I may have misread that book yeah I I gave myself a challenge because you're you're even describe what you even describe you're right I've never I've never read a book where someone so lyrically describes the context of them with the writing on a laptop and the laptop warming their balls and penis it it actually uh happened um and I I didn't change laptops at first I took that laptop back because it did make it grumbling because the hard drive it grind you think it's eating you it keeps eating actually eating your balls I mean I and I went a little nuts and I went to the Apple Store and I bought the a plasma one but they're very light and there was no heat on my crotch and I said this book's not gonna work yeah this is true and I took it back to the store and I said I'm writing a book and this doesn't make it this doesn't heat my my balls and so uh I finished it on the I didn't finish it but I finished the book on the original laptop I even took a picture uh smoking a cigar with the trees in the background that's from the original laptop and then I did get rid of it I have a new one that and then I actually just put a heater I put up a warming pad on my balls because the laptop's not hot but my balls have to be hot I realized as a writer that's what I learned about myself because you learn your tools which actually used to write next to an open fire lunging in that would be or at a fire pit that's right and sometimes I've always needed to take giant alligator clamps that you would put on cables please someone talk uh but you know on my balls but you talk I have ball waiting let's that's a pun those aren't good let's do them and I do them in that and that's what I got up with with the video show because that was what you do at seven o'clock you do puns but you can't add your penis to it so a pun without a penis now you you were on the today you were on the Today Show and The View this morning how do you have this conversation in that Arena it's code you have to talk in right and uh when I was uh 50 Matt Lauer had I was 51 and he was 50 or something and he wanted me to come on to talk about colonoscopies because he was concerned about it so I gave him one and he takes it um and and he had Mark Cuban on who actually owns Matt Lauer's and and uh and the skater Scott Hamilton who skated inside no you can't really do that you can't skate in a butthole um skate around the butthole you skate around and you can pillow it upon it you could Peggy Fleming it um but uh yeah so I was on this morning and Matt was open to talking about colonoscopies they did a bunch of butthole jokes and I wanted to talk to him today for this book and it was kind of a it was kind of nice came kind of full circle jerk so so let's talk about Own It Stick The Landing own it let's talk a bit about your dad because he also liked a dick joke yeah he did remember well no that's not good no no it is good it is it's good it is disrespectful but that's part of the fun it is and uh we um she used to say a lot I I have to deal with this from both of them my dad and me like it was a problem she got a lot of attention um I uh they were very very very very loving people yeah which is uh your but it seems like you inherited your sense of humor specifically a sense of humor that uh is not afraid to reference the mild Anatomy from your dad that was I was I was I was going to say reared that way but I was he raised me from a mere stem cell uh sea monkey but he he was he had a he was a depression kid uh he raised his four brothers and his sister and um he just had the Meg Gallows jokes he just watched a lot of happen and he just he always made dick jokes I don't even I was a little kid and he was doing inappropriate stuff not not to me physically that's not good but you know what I regret that he didn't because it would have been a hell of a second book and The Aristocrats I would not have been able to do right if anything had actually uh happened but there's something let's roll the film but there's something in that though isn't it there's something in that Gallows humor which is kind of quintessentially humanizing again I think that's what I like the most about this book is that there is that sense of life is too serious sometimes to be taken seriously and some of the biggest I want to go in and enter that into this book sometimes you just can't some it's not worth giving something to gravitas that it claims and you talk a lot about uh there's a great bit where you're talking about your dad's funeral and getting laughs and the need to get laughs in that moment because he deserved them and he was great at giving funeral speeches right except when at his own daughters my sisters he he couldn't speak I I tried to do that on one of them and on the other one I did well because I'd had a lot of rehearsal but it's really really hard because you want to do closure for someone that you love and you want to and usually it's not a time for humor especially if it's a young person and it doesn't matter what age a person is it it hurts because um and he was so eloquent um he lost uh three brothers when they were young they were 37 and 40 and 42 and then my Uncle Joe who um he got to live a lot longer he and uh into his early 80s and we flew I took my mom and my dad and I flew him to Philadelphia which is you know that's a rough trip anyway yeah and flying driving walking the point is the destination unfortunately is Philadelphia there's no way to sweeten that pill WC Fields and I was born there but I can't eat cream cheese and but we flew there and I said we had so Much Death I just went uh hello just first class this we didn't I just put them on a plane we got there put them in a cart face down in the golf cart they were they were unconscious I knocked them out on the plane and and we went to the funeral um with his beautiful daughters my cousins and I helped my dad stay up at the Four Seasons in Philly he couldn't go to bed he was burying his uh last brother and my aunt's still alive I know thanks for asking but um but he he we needed help in the speech and so I stayed up and we wrote the speech and he just kicked ass yeah the next day at this speech and he I gave him a punch line was like I'll see in 30 years and he was already my dad was already getting older but uh he was basically saying he would live to 110 or something um and it was just he just he got laughs he but he went all we talked about um you know when you want to make a speech you one and you want to affect people you do it poignantly you start there yeah and then then you get the laughs and my dad earned the laughs he didn't ever do anything silly he would address people I put him on the video show one time and let him didn't tell a joke he just came out and said people need to be kind to each other that's what's wrong with people but what he's not an amazing bomb terrible we cut him out and showed some guy getting hit in the balls so it's always funny it's always funny really great but isn't isn't like that wasn't that an amazing thing that you could like because comedy is such a pointless career in many ways it's such a big luxurious waste of a life it doesn't you're not helping anybody but at that moment at that moment you were actually out that's some tangible assistance you could use your skills for wants for something and that is to help your dad tell a joke that people needed to hear right but he didn't need the joke he could have done it without it right and just had some deli or something I don't I don't but we comedians do help people if they're not doing if they're giving them money right that's when they can actually help yeah yeah picking up something that they dropped reaching for something from a high shelf not saying anybody love me laugh please fill the hole boy this is basically boy I had a rough time who really I mean gives a shake but people really have a rough time the thing the thing I liked about that story about uh wanting to make people laugh at your dad's funeral because he'd found life funny and so it seemed weird not to say goodbye to him with laughter that that really struck hung for me that one I think your father alive he is but he's he's dad my Grandad was a really funny man in the same in the same way he kind of taught me how to misbehave and you know he would like teach me how to bang my fist on the table and demand food and I remember did he teach you how to beat women pretty much yeah but that was also with an open hand he said right he said never never that no that's that's a thug this is wrong that's right a gentleman's swag or if you're accidentally just giving directions yeah but I think the fame the best laugh is best laughs I've ever got were I got I was going to help my dad bury his dad and I sit in a yard in a yard that's right just because he didn't want to do it and well my dad had just killed him and they needed right plausible really but there was something about the pressure of that moment again it was my dad was too close to it he didn't want to do it he was but my Grandad was an incredibly funny man and so I just told some funny stories and the the frustrating thing was I don't you I don't know if you can relate to this in that moment I started to do really well in the room and the room is a grieving family and I could feel this interesting to me of going I'm going long this priest this guy's just going to bring him down and the last thing I remember from that funeral is looking out of my mom just slowly shaking her head and going to red light this is not about you it's about the guy in the Box how long did you do I did about seven tight seven that's that's short that's I I uh when my um father [Laughter] he passed away I did about 20 minutes which is way too long my mother I did about eight and it was it was pretty good but if you actually took her out of the box and put her in a chair just so people could see because I like to have someone to address so I I but you fought you all right I'm really sorry I I hope that that doesn't offend anybody would you thought do you find that not just you but your whole family have the humor has got you through the worst yes and that is what that's the thing uh that's the spine in the book that is the Crooked spine of this whole book it is my book has scoliosis um but it's a it's a survival is uh I mean we were talking for a moment backstage no we weren't but um but life is beautiful is a thing that I mean if I mean if you're in that how do you find humor in that because you have to you do so um that's and I'd like to be there it's weird I kind of find myself good at funerals which is an odd gift that's probably the best thing that I contribute that's not not jokes it's nice to watch people that I love and make laugh that you I mean I I laugh when you go to the bathroom no I laugh with you on my desk right um we have to go to commercial [Laughter] Twix would really want to go to commercial I I laugh when you on my desk Twix it looks a little bit Snickers a little bit um it's just uh it I was I I was the officiator of Rodney Dangerfield's funeral oh yeah and so that was that's a lot of pressure it was a bit anyway I got heckled a little bit a couple people like heckled me because it was all Comedians and uh it was three hours it was a very long time it was a really interesting thing too because it's it I I felt a pride in it because he he wasn't a very religious person and it wasn't a very spiritual person and I it's a odd thing it's almost a minister kind of thing I mean Sam Kennison who is a friend of mine was a was a minister and then had so many doubles because he was conflicted that he did that and he had a you know he had the tent show he would just right they they had Faith healing they did Faith healing for people well that's is another there's another great quote you've in here so it sucks when funny people die it sucks when unfunny people die too but not as much and I think that's probably true but it feels like more of a loss like when when comedians die I know it's probably because I know some of them but it hurts more because you just um John Pinette just yeah right panel or Geraldo his death kind of hurt more than you thought it would because you feel like you're losing a lot more than just the man yep I I felt like and I was just like becoming and this isn't the book I was actually just becoming friends with him um so we shouldn't get too close because apparently yeah you basically got the kind of Black Widow technique I don't understand it George Carlin and I were supposed to go to lunch right that didn't happen too much yeah no that's not good I think the fun the funniest funeral I've ever been to and I know that sounds ridiculous was there's a British version of Rodney Dangerfield this guy called Malcolm Hardy and he drowned it was very sad it was inevitable in a way because we'd held his head no it's not but it was the same kind of everyone was crying in there but he was such a funny rebellious man and uh the the priest didn't know quite how to handle it because Malcolm was not a fan of the Lord in any of his or her forms and he was really good at just like opening up the funeral to the floor and just comedians came up took the piss out of Malcolm while he was in a wooden box the priest at one point was sitting on Malcolm's coffin and then the fight the music that the priest played at the end as they were picking up as they were picking up Malcolm's coffin and people were starting to cry and the reality of it all of a sudden the jokes fall away and it gets sad the music he played was Elvis Presley's and it was amazing because people it was the first time I witnessed people sobbing and that sobbing turning to hysterical laughter and I thought that's a pretty good way to go out that's a high bar to set for a funeral now and it's also kind of him being spiritual yeah joke right A lot of people think that it's just over exactly when you die immediately a lot of comedians do I know a lot of people that don't believe in God that are comedians which is fascinating to me people get very delicate though about serious situations thinking that they should be treated seriously because you're also writing here about going down to Walter Reed and whenever you go down to Walter Reed those are people who those are tough men and women is the medical hospital for returning soldiers and they want to laugh whenever I go down there all that all they want to do is they want to go in there and start taking the piss out of them because they just want to laugh yeah and if anyone deserves to laugh it's those crazy people yeah I there's a story in here I was there was a gentleman that I met and he had no legs and um he was I got a problem with you Bob and I was a well to read and what is it he goes I my kid he was he was eight and he was in the house and uh you you came on HBO and I I trusted you and [Applause] he says and he says oh oh Dad I want to watch the guys in Full House okay and so the guys you know he leaves the room and then the sound's up and then he hears something and my voice and what I was saying and it was from that ain't right which had a lot of I said many many times my father just died and I guess it was my own mental Rim shot it was an odd nervous I believe it was kind of a neurotic uh response and I've heard people talk about that and I think Louie's talked about it that you say sometimes yeah and I don't uh use it as much but um but it was uh he said what are you watching and and it was like it was just that don't in the kitten eat it I said well turn the sound down yeah I said I look like a dentist or something if it sounds off look like a good dentist but I get scared like if there's kids here I was at a book signing last night in New Jersey um I'm sorry I know do you have to explain to them what a book was first they all want the audio book first I don't understand it my book's actually coming out on in suppository form oh that's nice and uh View-Master and Butterfly Wings very nice um and nose hair so uh yeah there were kids there and one of the pictures of me and a kid next to me is holding this book and I'm like get that out of the kid's hand and then an eight-year-old came up to me and I took him back to the hotel but um no I didn't there's a field on the way back through the before before you get to the bridge what and um so there's a picture of me as a kid when I was nine here and that's when everything kind of turned how old were you when you started to get more precocious with your grandfather uh unsung you on always well yeah for my grandfather he was probably I was probably I was probably really young because I remember the first time I saw an adult fall over it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen do you have any tapes of that it was just it was amazing like seeing the people you're taught to respect fall over yeah like in a really ungainly way and you think oh I need more of that it's really funny oh it's great it's the best when was the when's the first time you got a massive laugh can you remember your first massive laugh um I I do but I don't know what it was for but I I was four I was wow it's so beautiful how that happened I was on the short bus to Hebrew school and thank you and uh they meant something different back then and it was yellow and there were girls on it that were hot but I was four yeah which I didn't even have I was dry humping the ground I don't even have no I didn't know what the hell I was doing like a a thimble and a sock is what I had I don't know what that means I was picturing a thimble on the side I don't know I really should not do puppetry and there were girls that I knew for a long time that were on the uh the bust and I was just trying to make them laugh I was spinning in a circle it was physical it was like because I I love silent films a lot I used to buy like chaplain films and Harold Lloyd stuff there was a uh Davenport Iowa had this uh Blackhawk films I used to buy all the silent films so uh I don't know I just copied silent film stuff at work with my dad would show them to me so I guess I was doing a physical thing not a verbal thing do you think do you think you kind of just fall in love with the sound of laughter in a way when you're a kid especially if it's a kind of naughty laughter I I found that when I was a kid you want the my favorite kind of laugh was the one that would proceed being told off like if you could get a laugh before you were sent out of a classroom from a teacher that was my favorite kind I I did I was I was a bad kid I did Sinister stuff like not good at school you're very lucky it was in Hebrew school I had a teacher I think he having to go to Hebrew school did you go to Hebrew school I didn't go to Hebrew school it's a really good place to learn to be funny that's where comedy is taught well this is but the thing is though Olive bait there's another a lot of Jews here there's a lot of Jews can I can I show you something that you won't believe you don't know Hebrew right I I know a little a schmultz so much here a smear of Hebrew this I'm a speaker smear of Hebrew this is almost like being in high holiday Services yeah I'm going to try something this is I don't get to do this very much and it's going to be weird wait wait let me wait wow that London is so gooey okay oh come on I'm telling you you know what this is this is upsetting this is like Soylent Green this is like Omega Man this is like this is upsetting there's a lot I've never I I feel kind of good but I've never been around this many I'm glad I've got the 92 Y is the definition of a safe space to do that though you've got to be careful with that kind of colonata that's how they got them at the end of a Great Escape now but you talk about school being character forming as a comedian in its character destroying because there's a really nice line in it where you say uh in the book where you say I was the Phantom of three different high schools comedians are Outsiders I think that's probably true I think that that's when comedy generally works best if there's a part of you that thinks I don't really belong anywhere so let's make fun of everything that's uh that is the truth I moved the middle of uh when I say moved I just went like that um I had not moved for a year it's a miracle I was like you know it was a mime yeah no just stand there for a year myself it was terrible nobody would give me money because it smelled like thank you sir I moved the middle of ninth grade from I don't know it doesn't really matter you moved a lot enough to not feel like you belonged anyway yeah and I didn't I made friends I had big student films to try to get people to be my friend pretty pathetic he made Student films yeah I would sell pants out of my trunk too no I didn't anybody want to buy steaks but uh lost a lot as a comedian like a kind of wrote question from interviews is when did you first realize that you were funny and for most comedians that's kind of an ongoing debate with any audience isn't it whether you are in fact funny what was was there a moment where you realized that that could be a power that you could have yeah it was because I was very shy and then very outgoing right so I was both yeah that's the classic recipe for a comedian narcissistic insecure and arrogant it is interesting I wish I I feel like I I always held myself back with this stupid arrogance that I didn't and I worked hard on it to Face Reality right because if you're snooty it's like what the hell are you even doing because it's a trick it's kind of something I learned that uh from my life that I never knew that dating girls if that's what you want to do as a as a guy yeah that the the secret to it which is the same as all business people or Showbiz people is just turn away and you can walk away from somebody and you win or that's I didn't know that I didn't know that until like a year ago right so like I could I could have gotten laid at 15. I didn't know that you just go I don't want you and then people get drawn right Comics are weird because they it's the opposite yeah so needy please please pay attention to me please were you like that were you screaming for a chance I think I was probably the definition of in soft as a child you were just like doing acting out always wondering have you noticed yeah and look even though you have that thing in your head I remember once like a specific moment in class thinking I just thought of something that's going to get a really big laugh and it's also going to get me sent home I need to hear that laugh or is it verbal do you do it well if you're saying something dumb and disruptive and pure oil but the laugh was so sweet I don't regret it and I remember that was the main complaint I was lucky because I was quite I got quite good grades I remember there was this one parent's evening that my parents had to go to and it was this this teacher just saying he is a nightmare and he needs to understand he gets away with more than he should get away with in this class and I took that aside and I even took that as a compliment as they were repeating it they would they were saying it in the way that I was getting told off and I was saying oh that's good that's good I'm doing really well though that's hilarious I had that same problem Hebrew school I I would throw this is I I hate practical jokes and I hate pranks yeah I could test them and I kind of did them as a kid I would throw I'd eat a lollipop and throw it on the ground and this guy he said he was my mother's Hebrew teacher as well so I got him it was like 80. as Mr riccanti I mean I don't know where you get that name and so that's why I tortured him because I don't know I lick lollipops and threw them on the ground where he was walking and they would stick to his feet I mean who would do that like candified tap shoes that's great fly paper yeah sugar tart feet and then uh the other Hebrew teacher I put pencil sharpenings in her chair it's a terrible person I was I'm not sure that is a practical joke as much as it is a kind of hate crime but the the line maybe maybe I picked the wrong place to talk about this and how does that make you feel about you've uh it's it is a fan of Comedy as well there are you did know so many amazing comedians I guess Rodney Dangerfield being Chief amongst them that and Rickles as well I mean Rickles is my friend and one of the best people but he's not that's quite an amazing thing to say Rickles is my friend it's a it's an amazing thing I call them uh last Sunday and he answers the phone what do you want and I'm like I'm so damn happy stop calling calling goes well how's it going how you feel yeah and it's I I call him uh me and Barbara planted a tree in Israel in memory of my mother and I'm like thank you and then he just gets very serious and sweet but then he'll grab me you'll be in a restaurant I put this in there and he would I hadn't seen him for a long time I became more friendly with him through John Stamos there I said the name so I'm not sure what the uh what the spread was it's 8 55 for anyone who had 855 stay muscles 8.55 it's unbelievable right you know that's I'm in a program I say his name and you can hear ovulation and I go I love Donnie because I introduced you to him I'm like okay back off Jesse but I would see Don and he would just grab me by the head I've told this thing before but he he's one of his moves he grabs you above the head and Whispers In Your Ear very very Godfather like I don't miss you at all yeah so you're just alone with him and then he slaps you in the face it's amazing how uh supportive the comedy community can appear when where I can actually be when it seems to everyone else they're being outright abusive that's that they're very sweet people yeah in a weird way because they're they are Outsiders and it's it's a there aren't a lot of us it seems like there are because a lot of people go I'm a comedian yeah and that's that's cool because it's an amazing thing to do but when it comes down to it I mean I I look at hundreds of people that I go wow but there's thousands I mean there's a lot there's a lot of Comedy festivals and I go is this is she good is he good yeah but it's it's a it's a strange as I get older I mean I go oh there's Lewis Black and there's Tracy and it's like a woman he's coming here right he's yeah oh no I'm going to give you an abortion it's like okay I'm good come on I I I actually told the story in an article in Manhattan magazine for my friend Karen's friend and uh Karen Zucker who's a good friend of mine and um I was here to promote this thing I had done called farce of the Penguins and Tracy was a voice in it and Lewis was in and a bunch of Comedians and so we had a session downtown here and um he I got out of the studio with him late and it was an SUV that he's driving he goes get in the car I'll drive you Bobby and so I said well just take me out of stand at the W Union Square great great move and he goes not to put it down I mean then if someone works there I really like it but but then when you drop me off he goes oh we're not going home Bobby foreign the girls are out with their titties I'm like what I want to go home Rose the window down yo baby what are you doing Mama I'm like Tracy come on relax I got stuck I I saw him terrify a woman we we were doing a gig in Vegas and we were going down the service elevator and it's the only time this has ever happened it was me Tracy and uh one of the cleaners and she didn't speak great English and that it was what I've never had this happen before the power went out yeah and it the the elevator dropped about two inches but in that two inches it just felt like death it felt like oh this is we plummeting out to the floor and this the she screamed and she started crying and she was just devastating I was trying to console her and Tracy his way of consoling was to say don't worry baby I'll eat you first and I didn't help [Applause] that did not help but that was his reaction in an actual crisis yeah and of course so the floor dropped out that's right like a real thing that's right the floor the floor two inches drop she thought she died I am I think I'm dead but I have responsibility and he thinks I've got a joke and it speaks to everything you say in this book and he was right because that joke landed and I will never ever forget it and it took you out of the hospital because you couldn't believe he said that I couldn't believe it I was laughing so hard and that freaked her out even more foreign [Laughter] I wanted to read this one of the most pointless paragraphs I think I think just open it anywhere in the English language I laughed so hard I so rarely laugh out loud at books no one does you don't laugh out loud at a book you you mental check right yeah but when you're reading you kind of normally go mentally that's funny that's funny that's funny this this I'm not that that's true yeah I'm not sure uh the English language has ever been so gloriously wasted as it has this isn't it this is the entire paragraph yeah when you're out late at a bar and especially when you drink and drive it doesn't end up well occasionally at the end of the tunnel is a cop just waiting to take you in a cop took me in once into his car and I had to let him have his way with me so I didn't have to take the breathalyzer another officer actually painted his penis to look like a breathalyzer to fake me out he told me I had five percent just the tip for clarity everything after the word cop did not happen when you look up the word why you may find this paragraph that is so funny and so pointless I need to maybe find some points I I would be nice I think because I love stand up there's something about it you take the mic out of the stand and it's just this thing where it's so comfortable it's odd I'm more comfortable sometimes there than anywhere else which is because this is a person or a relationship and that's what writing is a very intimate thing which I loved is is and it's it's hard to do apparently it was it was a year and a half of you know like a couple 48 hour days or that because I they say You're supposed to write oh Bob were you in harpercollins and it books and my friend Mark Chait the editor this isn't Oprah Bob uh Mark is getting everybody a new car but but it was interesting because they said well you'll write uh four hours a day or I said I I can do that you know just discipline you're a very disciplined writer I would imagine you right only because I have to if I if I didn't have actual deadlines I'd do nothing that was helpful on this yeah then I didn't but I the first uh month I was like writing but it wasn't four hours a day and then the second month I went okay I'm writing but you have to write thousands of words a day to really get a book done and then rewrite it so uh I didn't write this book this book my mother actually wrote it what she likes deadlines you're wrong you're wrong what you're wrong you are wrong to react like that how how dare How Could you um basically when you yeah the way you talk about having comfort in stand up which is most people's idea of the most uncomfortable physical and emotional thing to do I remember how old were you when you first did it I did it uh um uh I did it I did a stand up at uh 19 and I realized that was it it was like what I imagined taking heroin for the first time it's like because especially in like doing stand-up like with Heroin if you get addicted to it it might all end behind a bus station it's not nothing there's no necessarily good ending to doing standards there isn't and the people that you're surrounded by that do take heroin and right you are alcoholics and you drift into this uh you know uh Pleasure Island Pinocchio weird world and and it's kind of romantic and wonderful it is and is it but isn't it weird how you romanticize places that are objectively disgusting they're terrible they smell like balls yeah that's right Comedy Club Breeze is a relief at this point right comedy clubs are some of the most physically unpleasant places on Earth it's unbelievable sticky carpets and yet there's nowhere I feel more at home than do you have a sticky carpet at home I do to I do because I don't have a sticky carpet at home a lot of times you do the worm on the floor you have to get across the room you're dragging it like a dog like a dog would if it was spotting like if it was full of fluid because I like to spill one out for those that we've lost every day you bring this out of me Bob I'm sorry this isn't this is a very sweet I'm really sorry you're not like this inherently no it's you no but you I need to be around you because all I do is this and it's useless yeah but the problem is if you're around me I'll die well I need to work on myself then so I can save you I promised them I would throw we've already overshot we need to I do that every night see that's foreign [Applause] there was a brilliant show called laugh and that was Rowan and Martin uh starred in and George Slaughter is a very funny comedy person you don't know it I don't know at the end of the show it was all the famous comedians at the time Lily Tomlin like well let me name them and at the very end of the show during the credits they had one person clapping did they really it did that's so great it was it was it was a comedy show it was meant to be like Vaudeville and that was as a kid I was a kid Watcher I was like wow that's really interesting it was kind of like it's a live Muppet Show weird yeah I was gonna say that sounds like the mother thing a friend of mine was just in the uh the Muppet movie and her her husband is uh used to be a writer of The Daily Show and he met Fozzie and he said he had to fight tears and this is like in between shooting so the guy is there and he started talking he said that like Fosse said oh nice to meet you and he was kind of choking his way through saying Fozzy if it wasn't for you I don't know if I'd be a comedy writer um I just you gave me some of the biggest laughs I had as a kid and it got me through difficult times and I just want to say thank you and these guys I'm leaving going oh oh pretty awesome he was really talking he was he was talking to funny and he said he was only as he walked away he just thought I'm going to have to apologize to that guy later I I've been around the Kermit I mean there's not a really they don't have them all like Elvis out all the time yeah when did you do that did you do that was oh this is a really weird story oh God it's gonna I'll try to do it really truncated um Ray Romano was supposed to do a cruise I would never do a cruise but they called and said do you want to go tomorrow on a cruise and they would fly me to mazat land and then I would leave six hours later out of Cabo I'd be on the cruise for the length of two shows to fill in for Ray Romano it sounds like they were asking you to be a drug meal Bob I actually did I stuffed a lot of cocaine in my butthole and um and they don't check that um when you tell them that you like it um so I got I got there and this is a weirdly true story it was a Disney cruise um they asked me watch this where am I I said I can do this um and I did two 45-minute shows what yes and and it was not I don't know when it was 12 years ago or something and I get on the boat and they're all like frightened that I'm gonna do something and then I do I didn't curse I didn't say anything but I did this that parody maybe it was 10 years ago I did that Danny Tanner was not gay song which is a parody thank you it's a parody of the it's a parody of the highest form of you know uh of the Backstreet Boys I Want It That Way and Danny Tanner was the thing so uh a a couple of gay gentlemen were offended and so they reported me after the first show the captain the captain the guy Love Boat Gavin MacLeod and I was taken in the back and and raped um but that's where I was raped um uh that's not a popular word I'm told that we should stop saying that I have a joke about it I thought it was good which I was watching HBO and it said the following program contains rape and then they ran my special which is hope that by the way I can't wait to watch just to create a segment of the show no don't don't sequence you're right don't wait to watch a show but sorry so the second show this is it's almost over second show I was I didn't I failed to tell you I was working with Kermit it was the guy that does Kermit wow and he was and there was a power failure uh not the same as Tracy Morgan in the elevator yeah but the power went out and it was a room this big on a ship and I'm next to Kermit and he's at the piano and there's no power and it's a guy with Kermit in the dark and we had no mics and I go how's it going Kermit you're like oh it's going good Bob oh my God we're in the dark uh yeah Bob this is definitely and then we sang something I can't remember I don't know and it was literally like hey you stupid bear you know you expected people yeah and there was a balcony and then the lights came on and then I uh it was a nightmare and then I and then I got back because I'm here tonight there we go well I cannot tell you how much I love this book it was awesome Bob it's it's not it's really funny and it's really sad and those two things together are my favorite things when I go out no because you have the death touch uh so I think we're taking uh questions from the floor now I believe or Bobbies over there how does this work is this formal or is this a riot it's supposed to be nude when they do it oh this is cool hello I'm going to be lame and ask the First full house question um recently in an interview you said that you had an issue with the Danny and Vicki relationship and I was just wondering if you could explain that with the Danny and and Vicky yeah uh yeah it was I don't think Danny should have been with a woman okay it was uh really strange um when the show started actually they had three really hot girls as you would call them per the producer being our dates they were going to make it like Bosom Buddies us dating and stuff and then they got rid of that because it didn't know what it was and I I she was a really talented actress uh Gail and uh I I just it didn't feel it didn't feel organic it didn't it was weird because it I liked her but then everybody went oh this is good for him to have someone but it doesn't seem to be working and I just I went back to sweeping and dust busting Felix Unger met Peter Allen it was a lovely character I'm sorry maybe I'll turn it on try it now so [Applause] Danny I'm honored keep the windscreen on all-time favorite TV couple honestly I loved you guys together loved it thank you yeah it's Gail Edwards I'll I'll tell her because we we still have sex I can't believe that I talked to you for 15 minutes and I didn't ask you a single question about Full House [Applause] it's the best thing it's ever happened [Applause] you might want to watch it when you were young no I think it was I'm not sure if it was even on it no it's just it's not what it's not what I think right it was only when you mentioned I thought oh Bob was in full no I feel like I'm cursing when I say the name of the show I feel bad because I don't want to be mean to it because I love I love everybody yeah people it's an iconic TV show and you're an icon of that iconic TV show right it's true I didn't know who I do now because people tell me yeah anyone next person who who has the Conch come on if if a Lord of the Flies reference does not go down well in this room this is the only place you could do literary references with any confidence and you let me down you yes I I just have more of a comment but um I'm a first grade teacher and for the past like six or seven years all the kids ever talk about is Full House and I try and tell them like oh when I was a kid I used to watch that and like they don't understand and I just want to know you know does that make you feel good there's a whole new generation that's getting that it really it really does um and everybody that was on that show uh knows it um and it's a kind of a privilege I don't want to I mean I do what I find funny but I don't want to taint it but but it's but it's a whole people two-year-olds respond really well to the show it's on video which is not digital it's really bright um Michelle started talking at two and there aren't shows where someone one of the characters in a prime time show goes you got it dude you know it's like a Burger King commercial or something it's it's uh and it was a it was for kids it was I mean it was a family show you could watch and then had the morality play stuff and so it's a privilege to have been in it and and some people I know over the years actors and um a lot of people that are privileged or have done really well go oh I hate that show and it was their thing that started them and some most people it's the only thing they had and other people are like oh I hate that I have to do that show and I talked to somebody the other day and it just doesn't make any sense it's like you know the tree opened up you get to do something and own it and don't run away from it because you'll just sleeping's hard enough why be mad all the time was there such good will for that show still when you did that reunion thing on Fallon but the response from the audience when you walked in and character people went mental it was it was really interesting too because uh they did it as a cold open right so there was no and the audience just got loaded because that's what they do before they come to the show and but they came into the studio and then John John about a a mullet on and Dave wore some kind of weird chipmunk wig and had this puppet and I just uh I said no wig just whatever the hell happened to me and and no one saw they had Flats in front so nobody saw oh really and it was the cold openings before the credits and so they pulled the flats out the lights came up and the audience you know Jimmy's in bed he's just afraid to host of The Night Show and then the three of us come in it was it was kind of a genuine freak out yeah he did two takes of it and uh Dave farted they've actually uh he's got a problem he does there's some very good uh daily fart stories in here it's unbelievable what he's done it's terrible my my mother's hospital room he farted he did and my mom went oh that's Dave friend smells like next next question when do you think was the singer's biggest time you bombed during stand up that what you bombed during a stand-up Set uh synagogue benefit [Applause] couple of them um uh I had a couple really bad um yeah that's that's really upsetting it's it's kind of a living nightmare bombing in stand-up is it because I find that once you've bombed a hundred times I've definitely bombed 100 when you're starting off and you realize oh you just lose their capacity to hurt you at that point and it's quite a freeing feeling you just think I'm not being humiliated and you're not even in my top 10 humiliations that's smart that's healthy I um it is I was I was an interesting thing I was a guitar Act and yeah so you can't Dodge yeah and so I took it off because I was just doing music parodies and stuff and they always were sure five things it was like doing it's like having a lion come out yeah no that's bad bad metaphor oh you first but it but the guitar I took it off and then I did about six years wouldn't I wouldn't play it off and on because I wanted to become a stand-up yeah because now because I do like I'll split it up and I don't know what I'm doing because that guitar is a safety net because that will stop you from bombing or no one people sometimes but people just love parody songs they do it's you know and you saw the the comedy special that Ricky Gervais hosted uh with uh Louis oh yeah and Chris and um and um Jerry and they were talking about music parodies and um Louis was saying that he knew a comic get you guys a lot of you saw that with on HBO I can't wait to see your show on each but Louie kept saying that there was a parody that he couldn't help but laugh at and they were trashing it because and Ricky was saying it was the lowest form of Comedy but the parody was um sitting on a caucus I'm gay yeah it's unbelievable how funny that is right that will always be funny and then they were bashing it but I kind of did that kind of stuff yeah and that's the thing you you can you can't bond with that because people are weak and they will they will be articulated into enjoying it it's a it's a fluffer yeah and it's just right it's I once had a 100 walk out true I swear it started with it was at the Edinburgh Festival it started with four people I was doing an hour show two left two left so then it's two people and I'm about 15 minutes in the husband fakes his way to the bar that was a dick move then it's just me and his wife in the room we're about 25 minutes in and I just the most devastating thing was seeing her hand reach down towards her back foreign I said you're going aren't you and she said I'm so sorry walked out and it was just me and the sound guy in the room oh and I had 35 minutes of show left to do I I just remembered that I did things like that a lot I played The Cat skills oh that I was 24. wow and the first show the audience liked me more at the end and it took me the whole hour to get them to like me it was started with zero and at the end I got something but then I went to another place and I did the second show and I was so confident that I figured it out and I got giant response at the front and at the end it went to nothing really I mean nothing and that uh that that does I I'm more sensitive than you if I'd had your uh skills I'm a husk that's good I'm I'm British I'm so not in touch with my emotions I wouldn't I wouldn't recognize sadness if it slapped me in the face yeah in light of being at the 92nd Street why what was your bar mitzvah like it was uh it was uh interesting because I lived in this finally get to my moving story because it's so interesting I I lived in uh Norfolk Virginia all my friends were there at but my bar mitzel was in Philadelphia because that's where all my family was so I didn't have one friend at my bar mitzvah oh that's awesome look how much that's awesome isn't that great did you hear the response that's why you're so funny it's not you've got the ingredients not one friend but I love my family but I was like if there's a there's a picture of me in the book feeding my parents cake and it's like yeah yeah it's a my dad laughed at this joke tonight specials are cake and and they're out of cake parody that's awesome that's great dude you didn't have a theme don't bomb happiness and a double-breasted gold suit of some kind uh yeah next question so Bob have you actually sucked dick for Coke you're very bold [Applause] okay sometimes people don't understand that reference it can be upsetting for people uh no yeah no I've uh I've I've not done one of those things that's that was a particularly ballsy question because you don't have to see the faces of all the lovely old Jewish ladies in this room what did he say there was did he do what for what now I will explain it but it's in the book yeah next question hi guys I have a comment and a question uh John I work on the same floor as you um the you haven't noticed but uh the the elevator uh furthest down to your right gets stuck about once a week so um if you guys want to get on that we can recreate thank you very much um so I work in the religion unit it's the opposite of Comedy so I'm glad to have you on our floor thanks for moving in and Bob you're obviously a terrible like person because you tell horrible jokes all the time in the best way in the best way possible but I would like to know are we married in our past lives um I would like to know what's the one topic that is off limits for you like do you ever get up on stage and you're just like I can't say that out loud because it's too much that's interesting um uh well I've been doing a Jewish jokes but I can't I'm not a cruel person so I don't like uh racist stuff and I don't like oddly enough as dirty as this book is I have to probably admit it I don't like to go like I know so many comedians that are really really filthy I mean and I'm not I know I I but I mean I'm talking about really upsetting stuff like uh you know like I mean violent and uh misogynistic and mine's like for stuff just being like trying to be Groucho and Dean Martin but I also um I love them both but um I don't like cruelty I don't I don't like mean stuff like roasts were really hard for me to do and then they roasted me and I kind of learned it I I don't like them but they do all these benefits now they want you to do it but it's yeah it's really hard for me Greg Geraldo was so cool he loved it yeah and Jeff Ross loves it so if you've roasted people at benefits yeah I actually um there was a benefit wow this is a really weird story I was at the uh in L.A at a benefit and it was for a kid's school had somebody came in I don't know if I should tell the story it was weird somebody uh um no bail out bail out yeah listen to your heart no but it wasn't it wasn't involving me it was someone else that accident that's interesting I don't like to do things that publicly I mean I mess around with somebody I'll make fun of people in an audience in a Rickles wannabe kind of way but I don't like uh cruelty but Rickles Rickles is the good example though because you that in mind is the opposite of mean but there's that you there is no kind of hearted comedian working in the world than that man and yet there's so much joy behind his insults and he makes people so happy and he does it and he his curse is a little like I don't you I don't say uh I don't think Jesus or God damn it I don't say that dandas yeah it's so funny to me because that's his way of his exclamatories yeah but Jesus Christ the audience is it's not all Jews you know and and then he'll he'll say and the Chinese guy and there's no one in the seat and they'll be talking and this chain these guy and you look around and goes there's no Chinese guy there oh yeah it's just a move that he's made because he wants to get out his Chinese people jokes yeah I did my first ever roast charity last night yeah last night with my foot I did Bloomberg yep seriously and I punched too hard that's true yeah I had some I I there were there was this one joke that I was thinking oh this is one's probably too mean so I won't do it and then I got so annoyed by him laughing at one of the other jokes I closed with it with the the nasty joke was it was gonna it was a theater thing and the nasty joke was I know you're a fan of the theater Mayor Bloomberg uh I love the theater as well so if you'll indulge me um I would like to show you my acting chops and then I said you did a fantastic job as mayor so that's that I was not going to do that I was not it's definitely not going to do that because that I knew it was going to bomb in the room and but then the previous joke was about stop and frisk and he laughed at it and he does not get to laugh that was saying you I think it was something like you criticize a lot for stop and frisk I personally believe it's completely random though it's just like roulettes when you spin the wheel and it lands on black 87 of the time and he he started laughing and I thought you him you don't get to laugh now you're getting the nasty joke and the oh I did the no the other the the joke about being a good mayor and the only person laughing in the room was me it was my clothes well good for you you're good you get tonight yeah that's nice oh thank God it was the opposite of that next question oh I don't want to hear thank you was and it is it's still being viewed I think by loads of kids every night on channel six um how did you get involved in Full House um uh I I some of it was was me and I'm more like that sometimes with my own kids in life because I don't go around cursing and doing one-liners and lascivious jokes that would be just horrible I was um on a show here in New York called the morning program and it was against the Today Show and Good Morning America and um I was fired from it they wanted me originally for the pilot Jeff Franklin the producer and Bob Boyette is a producer here he produced Drowsy Chaperone which I got to be in as man in chair thank you thank you my friend Kevin McCullum is here he produced it and that's him leaving and um but um I became available because I got fired from this CBS show and uh they actually unhired an actor that was in the pilot and re-shot the pilot and uh it was a really interesting thing and I I loved doing the pilot and then um then I got off the plane yep yes the joke stands and then we got picked up and uh by the co-pilot and and then it lasted it was really hard to keep it on the air but it was uh it didn't do well for a while it was on Tuesdays uh no no sorry there was something yeah up top so I've been having wet dreams about DJ for around 20 years now what did he say I'm having wet dreams about DJ oh you can't and she's not that hot where where are you who's DJ oh can you please help me out she's married to a hockey player he'll beat the living out of you and even one of his sons can beat the out of him I'm glad that you uh like her I'm happy for you please stop watching EJ uh the uh Candace Cameron Beret was my oldest TV daughter oh Roy okay because you know Full House you're gonna it was made for you yes oh sorry uh yeah this is just really a basic question uh who influenced you to do stand up and who's your favorite stand-up comedian today this is for both of you actually if you want to answer it I've been getting asked that and it's a it's a hard thing um I guess Groucho made me laugh a lot and um I watch all comedians my Dad loved Jack Benny I would watch everybody George Burns who I loved him and respected him but I didn't laugh at him but I um I didn't like Love Bob Hope that much but I but I appreciated him probably shouldn't say that he was you know he did great things as a humanitarian but I anybody have a Shoals I can dig out of my own crap that's the takeaway from this evening Bob Saget says here Bob Hope because I probably shouldn't have said that I love any I love a lot of stand-ups like like a lot of people influenced me um uh Lenny Bruce I got I I got turned on to Lenny when I was like 15 and started listening to him and then I got to know Richard Pryor so I would say he became kind of I was in the presence of greatness and I am also one of the things when I was working at The Comedy Store I hosted it for like seven years um never thought I'd ever get out of there and um one night I was hosting and Eddie Murphy came in to work out Raw and um you came in on a Friday and I said ladies and gentlemen Eddie Murphy and the whole place stands up and um it was astonishing to watch him and then at the end he was working out the all of it and then he got your amazing response at the end but it was uh not satisfying to him and it was like well this is really good he was working it came back a Friday later one week later came in and um it was all one color leather it was uh pretty amazing it'll be Batman coming in and he did um the same stuff and worked it where he got a standing ovation at the top but it was devastatingly amazing it was like you know Beetle stuff or whatever anybody's metaphor not Bob Hope and and everybody it was they were levitating off the ground it was just astonishing and Richard was the everybody's bar that we watched because it was he was so unbelievable trying to be honest on stage amazingly I mean it was kind of beautiful to watch all the people I got to watch he still might be the ball he still might be the bar Richard Pryor I'm not sure this I think he's still probably the best I think probably he broke your heart too he would make you laugh and then you would hear what he came from and he would talk about it and his mom and his life and yeah all the troubles that he had when I was a kid I used to listen to his uh stand up every night when I went to sleep in England from when I was like 12 years old that might be revealing too much about myself but yeah my parents didn't know what they didn't know what it what it was and I saw I knew his album's off by heart or all of all of it all of them all of them yeah you should hear Richard Pryor's wanted through the voice of a 12 year old British boy not quite as good black people be like this in the woods right here DJ wherever the hell you are where are you it's a two-part question Bob um one did you ever go out on a double date with Dave Coulier and Alanis Morissette but I I would presents I'm glad the mic died your your funniest dating experience my funny is what dating experience funniest funniest dating experience God there's there's so many uh bad things that I did to not not not dirty just awkward I can't really remember right now but a lot of them were not good I'm not a good dater um that'd be great for your dating profile look this is not gonna be good right so women are all going to walk out this is going to be that show you did uh so what happened to that couple do you think they needed to have sex with each other I think so they were getting a little frisky during some of your answers and so I think it was just listen let's go and I can't follow that through I've Just Seen their faces and they're they were not a they were not like 20 they were a little bit older than that they were older than 20 to the power of five so so it's possibly because of watching us the first time she's been wet in like 50 years one last question what don't think about that one last question and then there is going to be a book signing Bob is going to be signing books it is a very fast car out of here please I feel bad it went so long but it's really fun this was really fun over there oh hello um if you could if you could give your best advice for life in one sentence so to be your best advice for life in one sentence yeah somebody asked me this today and I I just quoted uh Rodney Dangerfield's advice to me which was just go like a tank right he said people try to stop you people don't want you to do what you want to do they try to push you out of the way and it just that because we're in comedy mode that's what I'm thinking of besides be kind to people and it's true go but go forwards does this thing go forward and and don't put blinders on but just stay stay strong he was 59 when he got in Caddyshack well yeah yeah so it's a go like a tank I guess yeah um Bob it was so great to talk to you I'm honored that you I love this John Oliver giant round level sure stop it stop it thank you uh the the book is available in all good bookshops and on all bad iPads uh Bob Saget ladies and gentlemen Bob Saga well mate thank you I'll see you later

Channel: The 92nd Street Y, New York

Views: 242,234

Keywords: 92Y, 92nd Street Y, Bob Saget, John Oliver

Id: u2p2wRXUSKU

Length: 75min 36sec (4536 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 13 2022