Jordan Peterson: Narcissists & Pushovers in Relationships

the person that you can completely map and who only does positive things for you it's like a you don't know that person B they're not communicating with you nor you with them maybe they're just subordinating themselves to you or you to them and you're not growing you want someone who can it's a real relationship is a wrestling match it's a grappling it's a grappling phenomena that you both emerge transformed from and that's what people want they don't want to push over not unless there's something wrong with them now a narcissistic person who never wants to be challenged will want a partner who does nothing but deliver exactly what they're told to deliver but they will mistreat them beyond belief what does the optimal relationship look like in terms of positive and negative emotion you might say well utopia nothing but positive interactions it's like no now Jan you get people to code the interactions they have with their partner during the day you know you sample it you say with that interaction positive or negative and then what you're trying to do is predict the longevity of the relationship okay so here's the data if it falls under five positive interactions - one negative interaction the relationship doesn't continue fair enough too much negative that's easy to understand if it exceeds eleven positive - one negative the relationship doesn't last why no challenge right what do you want from your partner bliss no no no you don't well that's a representation of Diana you could think of Diana there's an opposite Durga in Hinduism and she comes forth if you make the proper sacrifices to Kelly but I wanted to show you alternative representations from different cultures of these archetypal forms this is Diana positive feminine what multi breasted right she's the thing that nourishes the world and so that would be on one hand your mother who obviously protects you from the terrible aspects of fire and danger but also my nature conceptualized as the positive feminine in general the source of all fertility and all food and all beings and all good things something that you have on your side that's for sure and you might say if you acted heroically properly and you played the metagame and not the game and you made the proper sacrifices then you'd never encounter Kelly you would only encounter her benevolent counterpart and so then you might say well does she even exist then that's something that's very interesting is because the degree to which the terrible part of the world manifests itself in your life is proportionate to how insufficient you are and we don't know the full extent of that if you got your act together completely maybe all the suffering would disappear from your life or at least maybe all the unbearable suffering and maybe all the suffering or the unbearable suffering from the lives of people around you - and you already know that because there are people that you'll go to in a crisis that you can rely on and you know they'll help you and you wonder what what the world would be like if you were like that and everyone else was like that - we'd have a lot fewer crises and the ones that we do have would be a lot more manageable and so when people say well why is the world so rife with suffering one answer to that is because we're not yet what we could be and at least that's an answer that we have some control over right you're not going to talk God out of making the world suffer that's for sure and you're not going to negotiate directly with mother nature but you might be able to put yourself together a little bit and see if that works at least it's under your control and god only knows what the upper limit of that might be well here's the decomposition of the of the fundamental archetype the dragon of chaos differentiates on the one hand into the feminine that's the unknown and the feminine differentiates further into the negative feminine and the positive feminine the negative femen is the reason for which hunts it's the reason for you know there's a whole group online called men going their own way mgt o/w that's a very interesting group to go study there's lots of them I don't know how many of them there are and most of them are older many of them are men who've been through a particularly horrifying divorce for one reason or another and there they've had enough of women so they stay tell the young men that they're teaching never have a permanent relation ship never share your territory with the woman never share your possessions make sure you never live live together and don't stay with one long enough to enter a common-law relationship because you will be stripped of everything that you have well that's a hell of a thing to be telling people but what's happened is that the female has been manifested in their life only as the negative archetype and they've got that confused with all women and that's partly you know you got to ask yourself if you know the mythological story is maybe if you made the right sacrifices you wouldn't have so much trouble with women I can make dinner I can take care of my family I can undertake this job at work that makes me a decent father that's part of being a good person the question is what's at the pinnacle of that at the upper end of the abstraction hierarchy because these things should be organized all the way up into a complete hierarchy what does it mean to be a good person well it means we've walked through it it means you win the set of games you go out into the world and explore and you bring back what you've found and you build yourself out of it and you share it with other people that's an old old story that's no different than the story of the collective hunt it's exactly the same thing right you you build yourself into someone that can has a little have a long-term relationship with someone of the opposite sex generally speaking so that you can bring children into the world and turn them into exploratory heroes and stabilize the state that's what should be at the top and that thing that's at the top it's the same thing it's the integration of all of those things into the same thing and that's the same as the Sun that's the same as the halo it's the same as the thing that emerges from the belly of the whale it's all of those things and you also know that because you know that you have the capacity for admiration it's in you it's in you it's locked into your biology and it's locked into your sociology you see what you admire and that's a partial representation of the ultimate ideal it's as simple as that so I kind of nested this a so I should just explain this diagram briefly so it was a map I tried to make in some sense of my own identity I mean just using myself as an example of someone typically situated in society so now I have this role which is kind of a high-resolution role I'm a father and a husband and I also run a business and so the farther and husband thing is sort of nested inside of that because it's dependent on my economic success to some degree and then that's nested inside a capitalist structure and then that's nested inside well I said American personality but it's sort of that's good enough and then that's nested inside the humanistic Western personality and inside the judeo-christian personality and that's all nested inside this thing that's best conceptualized as something approximating the exploratory hero and so that's a that's a value structure that's and you know you can different you could differentiate that to much higher level than farther and husband and we did that when we decomposed things right down to you know their motor actions and you want what you want and this is I think there's something that's transcendent about this you want all those things stacked up so they're all operating properly at the same time all the way up and and all the way down and I don't even know how far down means like if you get all those things together your physiology be organized and oriented properly to oh you know and that means your organs work properly and the micro elements of the work property and all the way down and then if everything is organized like that to the society starts to work everything starts to organize itself along a horizontal axis where each level of the structure supports every other level and you can feel that I believe that's what you feel when you're engaged in doing something meaningful you can feel those things coming together and you can also feel like that that as a kind of strength that pushes you forward instead of pulling you backwards so and it I I think that your our nervous systems are very sophisticated and they orient us in time and space and they can tell us when they're in the right place at the right time and people love that and I think you experienced that when you're deeply engaged in music as well it puts you there momentarily right say you're in a Cathedral and you're listening to some remarkable music if the light pouring in you're in trees because that's what a Cathedral is that's what this that's what the the arches is it's light coming through the trees that's what's represented in the stones you're in there you're looking at the light it's it's it's pouring down at you you're in this you're at the center of the world and there's a great piece of music playing and it's an indication that everything is stacking up along this one pole that's what it's supposed to produce that produces a religious experience if it works properly you know that you go to rock concerts you go listen to music so what the hell do you think you're doing there if you're not having a quasi-religious experience you think you'd go otherwise and just because you don't know that that's what happened that's what's happening doesn't mean it isn't what's happening people have been gathering together in groups and transcending the limits of their pathological individuality through music and rituals since the beginning of time why would it be any different for us and the lights there that's what the light show is for it's the same thing it's just that the religious element of it is stripped away partly because we've criticized that to death so carelessly that we can't integrate it anymore into ceremonies like that and I mean fair enough but but it's not like that comes without a loss

Channel: Essential Truth

Views: 367,234

Keywords: Jordan B Peterson, Jordan Peterson, Essential Truth, relationships, marriage, divorce, relationship advice, philosophyinsights, Ramble, Intense 5, Ideacity, Gad Saad, StevenCrowder, Independent man, MGTOW, nice guys, psyche matters, Dose of Truth, Gravitahn, Transliminal, M Czerna, PowerfulJRE, JRE Clips, ScienceNET, The Rubin Report, Evan Carmichael, Jocko podcast, H3 Podcast, Rebel Wisdom, Mixed Mental Arts, MagiCal HD, Mulliganbrothers

Id: IIEIfOkT5YA

Length: 9min 59sec (599 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 16 2018