-No person having received
a majority of the votes cast. A speaker has not been elected. [ Gavel bangs ] -Hi. Huh? No. Nope.
No, I didn't win, honey. No, not this time, either. No, it's okay.
No, I'm feeling good. Okay.
I'll see you at home, sweetie. Okay.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye. [ Groans ] [ Breathes deeply ] -Mr. Jordan,
do you need another phone? -Yes, Kayla, please. Oh, how did I lose?
This is chaos. Some of us are here to actually
serve the American people. All I want to do
is get Congress back to work so I can shut it down again. -You'll get there, sir. In the meantime, there's someone
here who wants to cheer you up. -Hi, Jim. What the heck? -George Santos? Why do you have a baby? -No one seems to know. Hey, hon, can you take this? -Oh. Where?
-Oh, just put him in an Uber. Jim, I just want to say
how sorry I am, but I want you to know
I voted for you. And get this --
so did Shoshana Loggins. -Who's that?
-Also me. -Okay.
I appreciate that, George, but I'm not ready to give up.
Okay? Do you think if,
one more time, I try, I could be elected speaker? -Well, look, I would be lying
if I said yes, so, yes. -Okay, George,
thank you for coming, but I have a lot
on my mind right now. -Of course.
[ Cellphone rings ] Oh. Hmm. Oh, I have to take this.
It's Tupac. -Mm.
-Girl, I know. Jada is crazy. -Yeah. Oh, my God. None of that made me
feel better. -Mr. Jordan, there's another
one of your supporters on line 2.
-Great. I'll take whatever I can get. Hello? -Hi, Jim.
It's your fellow member of the Freedom Caucus,
Lauren Boebert. -Oh, my God.
Lauren, hi. It's been a long day. -Jim, look, things are
going exactly as planned. Just keep running for speaker, and even if you
don't win, great. The government shuts down,
and we blow this whole thing up. Stop, stop, stop. Oh, my God. -Sorry.
Are you out somewhere? -Yeah, I got to go.
I'm at the theater, seeing "Aladdin." Good luck, Jim. -Oh, God, what a night. I don't know what else to do. I'm just so close. I only need, what, 100 votes? -Knock knock knock.
-Oh, goodness. -Yoo-hoo!
Is this the loser's office? -Mr. President,
I'm so glad you're here. You endorsed me, and then
you just kind of disappeared. -Yeah, well, that's because
I prefer the Jordans who win. Okay?
Like the great Michael Jordan or the even greater
Jordin Sparks. No air.
Remember that? Now, that was a song. ♪ Tell me how am I supposed
to breathe with no air? ♪ You can't.
You can't do it. But, Jim, I still like ya. Not "like" like.
It's more like "not like." Okay? Like, I don't like you at all.
Part of it's the jacket. It's the lack of the jacket.
You don't look good. You look like the night manager
at a two-star steakhouse. -I understand, sir.
I've been told that before. -But, you know,
people are saying that I would make
a great speaker. -I mean, you would, sir.
-It's true. But sadly, I'll be
too busy campaigning, traveling from city to city, visiting their beautiful
courtrooms, you know? But I'm doing great things
for the courts, doing great things
for the courts. -This is all just
so frustrating, sir. I did exactly
what you would do -- intimidation, threats.
Why didn't it work? Well, because, frankly,
you're not me, okay? You're no fun.
I'm hilarious. Okay? I'm a creep.
I'm a weirdo. What the hell
is he doing here? You know? They don't play "Creep"
live anymore, do they? You notice that?
They don't play it. Everybody else does it,
but they don't do it. But you're --
you're little Jim Jordan. I'm Donald Trump, okay? I'm Coke.
You're Shasta. -But you endorsed me,
and I still lost. -Seems to happen a lot. It's happening a lot,
but that's okay. You can't give up, all right? You can't give up
because this is America. It's the most beautiful country
in the world, filled with some terrible
people, some awful people, some of the worst people
you've ever seen. But we love it. What a beautiful nation it is.
What a wonderful nation. Not so much in terms
of the people. There are people
very bad and weird. But don't we love our country? What an awful place it is. -Got it. So, do you think I can win?
-Honestly, I couldn't care less. But soon, I'll be
back in president. And don't you worry, Jim.
I'll take care of you. Oh, yes,
you will be taken care of. -All right. I don't love
the way you're saying that. But live from --
-Hold it, hold it! That's not for losers.
-[ Sighs ] -Live from New York,
it's "Saturday Night"!
