Jessica McCabe and Rick Green Get Real About ADHD

hello brains so Rick green and I had a few technical difficulties in the last video so I flew to Canada so we can answer your questions in person without the interference of a computer now at the end of the video that had the problems we did have a couple of really strong questions that the viewers asked us to expand upon and actually answer and of course there were great questions and we remember them right we totally remember them Jessica how did you find the courage to talk openly about your ADHD and when you went through Jessica okay actually I started talking about my ADHD openly because I didn't realize that it was something you weren't supposed to talk about I was diagnosed when I was 12 I was diagnosed when I found out my cool aunt had ADHD and my mom took me to the doctor and turned out I had it too so I felt like I got to join this kind of cool Club that's not to say I didn't have shame around the things that I struggled with or that I didn't still have terrible self-esteem because you know the fact that I couldn't keep my car clean or like anything really I couldn't you know I I really struggled and I felt bad about myself for those struggles but the fact that I had ADHD did not seem like something I wasn't supposed to say and so I was actually surprised when I started talking about it on the channel and people were like oh my gosh you know you're so brave for talking about it I'm like wait what am I not supposed to how did learning about your brain which is ongoing for you how did that change things for you what were some of the things you went through as you started to realize I cried a lot I knew I had ADHD but I didn't know how it affected me and suddenly I'm reading research papers that are explaining why I couldn't make friends in fourth grade because these researchers knew more about my brain than I did and as I started understanding what my struggles were why I struggled with them I started being able to see myself in a really different light because now I wasn't somebody who first some reason was just terrible at life I was somebody who had these specific challenges that she needed to find strategies for now that I understand how my brain works there's always something I can try I don't feel helpless anymore like what I want to acknowledge for you and for everybody for all of us is even if that doesn't work you tried but it's the willingness to keep trying and trying new things and learning and all of that that's the thing to acknowledge how did being diagnosed with ADHD affect your kids and your marriage okay so how did it affect my kids well I was diagnosed because my son was diagnosed and as I've told you I then looked at the list of my symptoms I have ADHD symptoms and in very short order I was sitting in the office of dr. Flemming going through the symptoms for my son and for us it was because he'd been got into this special program for gifted kids and so on to find out okay there's an explanation of why he's struggling in certain areas was huge changed everything because by October mid October of that year six weeks in the novelty had worn off and the teachers are going he's never done his homework and he only has a new excuse every day he's very creative fast forward second year he's in the second year for mechatronic engineering comes home at Christmas and he's struggling we made an appointment he went saw the doctor the doctor actually has his PhD in learning strategies and how the brain works gave my son all kinds of strategies he went back he got his degree he is a mechatronic engineer and a programmer and has worked on things like robots that can crawl into nuclear reactors if we hadn't known he would have done what I did when I was in second year and I was struggling which was I went from an honours degree and took a general degree in baled thinking I'm not good enough and that would have happened him and he never would have gotten to do what he does and what he does he does really well one more thing what did it cost you to be open and honest about your ADHD being open about the diagnosis getting the diagnosis I think saved my life it's saved in some so many ways it saved my career it saved my marriage and as you have I got an opportunity to make a difference in all these lives which is like I was not expecting all right so we're gonna answer a few more questions that you asked in our comments so I'm gonna pull those up and we'll answer some questions how to spot the moment when if it's even possible you're ready to stop taking ADHD meds is getting off ADHD meds necessarily the right thing to do and do people take athe meds for the rest of their lives or they really needed for a shorter period of time so I had a boyfriend who lived in Italy and was studying physics and was so much smarter than me and he was very concerned about the possible side effects of ADHD medication you know he's like uh you know it could affect the heart and so as I go no okay well he's smart and he tells me I shouldn't be taking these meds so I stopped first of all if you're going to stop taking any meds for anything talk to your doctor about it and make sure that you're getting some guidance I did not I just went off cold turkey I gained like 30 pounds in three months well I lost a job I started a career as a stand-up comedian made some just generally terrible life choices and I spent a lot of money that I didn't have it was just it was bad and I realized after a couple of years of this that the that the side effects of untreated ADHD were so much worse than my mild appetite suppression which was legitimately the only side effect that I had from my medication and at that moment I realized I think I'm gonna be taking these for well you know I I get up I put glasses on I get up I take my meds this works for me and there's not really a reason for me to not take them so I do so I think for the foreseeable future I will be taking ADHD meds from myself personally I can't speak for anybody else I've found other strategies and stuff so that I can take a lower dose but I still definitely benefit from medication so I don't plan on going on off of it anytime soon for myself I'd love you to to chat with each other to talk about funny stories you've had happen to you compare each other's toolboxes and discuss things that the other families might not know who each other's toolboxes okay so I've obviously got more videos with tools that I can possibly implement on a regular basis so I don't use all of my tools on my channel what are your go-to tools like what are the things you you regularly use one of them was start small or start badly and even setting a time limit I'm gonna do this for five minutes and then I'll go get something to eat so for me the biggest thing is actually just starting especially when there's not a deadline if I'm delivering a script for a TV show there are people waiting yeah I I don't use my strategies all the time for me just a big part of it is knowing that I have all these options so if I'm struggling with something I've got things I can try things that I use regularly I regularly meditate I regularly do yoga I regularly do some sort of exercise I regularly use a bullet journal if I'm overwhelmed I'll I'll do something called a brain dump I will take everything that's in my brain and put it on paper and then try to organize and prioritize because I have learned with the way my working memory is and the way I you know I'm disorganized those are two of my biggest executive function challenges or organization and working memory I cannot organize information while it's in my brain so first step is I get it out of my brain onto paper and then I can look at it and start to organize it but you know same wit same if I write something I have to do a brain dump first I cannot go straight to like oh and here's my outline for this thing like it's just not gonna work and then yeah doing this the start small or do it badly I do that all the time those are those are probably some of my bigger strategies and yeah medication they use medication on a regular basis as well could you talk about rejection sensitive dysphoria and ADHD okay this is something we'll do an episode on at some point the sensitivity to rejection the ADHD years feel rejection sensitive dysphoria is a term specific to dr. William Dotson that's his term that he coined it's not an official term so if you bring it to your psychiatrist or psychologist they might may not know what you're talking about but it's a reference to the sensitivity of a rejection that we feel did you have that do you experience that yeah and of course you know you get up on stage and you bomb there's a tremendous incentive to get to work harder at it to make it better to improve the few times that we have bombed I've learned when we were doing comedy regularly live comedy that was a challenge was this is not going well and I would panic and then later on it was like yeah this is an audience of elderly jewelry shop owners they're not going to get anything we're doing these are the kind of people we make fun of so you know so there was usually an explanation we were off we were tired whatever it was that turnaround was from I guess I'm not funny to okay why didn't that work because it's killed 200 times that we performed it live yeah I think that helps a lot to put things in context and recognize that a lot of times the you know the rejection is more about them than it is about you and also cuddling my dog helps a lot like whenever I'm feeling hurt or you know rejected somehow cuddling with my dog just makes everything better for me Craig wants to know what software is it that you were using to count down the questions we're living a lie it's called a bit we were doing we're doing a sketch it was a bit but if I invented it would you be willing to buy it because because clearly it worked so well what were some of the earliest symptoms of ADHD you had distracted unable to stay focused on the work my grade one report cards you too shy introspective read once I get into something a playing with something I didn't want to be interrupted my earliest symptom was I lost everything like regularly came home without my jacket without my shoes for some reason like I lost everything and even now I have just accepted that I lose things and I've told people if you buy me something don't buy me anything you'll be upset if I lose because I will feel terrible so only behind me things that you are okay with me donating to the world what would you suggest for someone who has limited medical resources to get a proper diagnosis of ADHD as an adult when your country and/or doctor does not acknowledge that ADHD is a thing so if it's just your doctor I mean what my mom did when my first doctor said no she's smart she can't have ADHD she's like thank you for your opinion I'd like to see somebody else I'd like to see a specialist and she kept pushing until we found somebody um you know who went through the whole proper diagnosis process when you have limited medical resources that can be a lot harder if you don't have you know if there's a long wait or if if you don't have the money to go see multiple specialists if you don't have health insurance it can be a lot harder what would you recommend Rick one of the things you can do is look online there's the adult self reporting scale that's there on how to I'm sorry I'm totally a DD there's some quizzes you can take there's a couple of videos I've done that are the symptoms read about it learn about it the more it resonates with you and you won't have all the symptoms that Sara Lee but the more resonates that's when you start going I think this is a thing and then if you told well it's not a thing in our country or the doctor can't see you for 12 months then you just say well okay so what do I do about it so you go to how to ADHD and you start looking at tools and you try them and if they work great so that is the thing for me you find out if these things work for you and if they do it doesn't really matter if you have a you know the official diagnosis if on the other hand you're the more you learn about it you're going well actually this is just because I am going through a divorce or I've just been fired or whatever then maybe it's temporary yeah getting the diagnosis you want to do it eventually but I wouldn't sit around waiting and suffering until you can get that proper diagnosis right start looking start reading but just I'd say start now what has been the hardest thing for you to open up about with your ADHD and why I can't talk about it I know the other question was are there things you would never want to talk publicly about related to your ADHD yes yes yes the hardest thing to talk about with the kids just how much it hurt and how scared I was for my kids I I was doing okay you know I was working all the time way too much but just terrified for my kids something that I have not mentioned publicly but I will now a few years before I started the channel I did some stand-up comedy and I did it around my ADHD and I was so misinformed about ADHD I had bought into the stereotypes and all just all the information were fed from the media and you know well-meaning relatives and stuff about ADHD that that it was perpetuating myths and stick and I'm really ashamed of that and now I I remember that anytime somebody comes to me with something that is just ridiculous about ADHD or or you know they share an article that perpetuates a myth or a stigma or whatever I remember that that was me and there is something really beautiful that something somebody said once at a panel a couple of years ago at VidCon and that was is there room among the woke for this still waking so it's a journey for all of us to understanding our ADHD and we were all once we forget but we were all once at a point where we knew nothing about it or we only knew things that were wrong about it do you ever find yourself using your ADHD as an excuse if so how do you recognize what is an excuse and what is accepting your limitations an excuse is I'm not responsible so I forgot to lock the front door I have ADHD for me the explanation what am I going to try so it doesn't happen again now it probably will happen again no matter what I try but it will happen less so I'm dedicated to mastering that or improving on that or whatever right and so it might be because of your ADHD that you have trouble getting to work on time but you work toward it and you can still say this is something I struggle with because of my ADHD but I'm not going to just say well I'm just never gonna be on time to work because I have ADHD and you just have to deal with it there is a difference between an excuse and an explanation and it's in how it's used and I think a good way to go about it is not to use your ADHD defensively you know if somebody's like oh you didn't do the thing why I have ADHD but if we own up to our mistakes and you're like yeah I let you down I'm sorry this is a challenge for me because I've ADHD but I want to work with you to resolve this and then yeah recognize that it's not gonna be hundred percent perfect right and we don't have to apologize for that we don't have to apologize for what we struggle with because it's not our fault that we struggle it is our responsibility to do what we can about it but even that is gonna vary so much from person to person all right I think we're we've got more questions but I think this video is like an hour to have long at this point um we're gonna cut some stuff down yeah we're gonna cut most of rigs thank you for answering questions for real um you had no idea what you're getting yourself into by writing a sketch about 20 questions that you'd actually have to answer some but thank you for thank you for 50 we answered so many questions you satisfied you guess that is nice check out the videos on Rick's channel we did some videos on the top ADHD myths that have affected us and and talked a little bit about that on Rick's channel they're just gonna meet three or four there's gonna be a number of videos because Rick is smart and divides them up into into multiple videos so check those out on Rick's site totally ATD dot-com thank you to my brain advocates and all my patreon brains that allow me to do things like fly to Canada to do a conference and talk to Rick in person without the interference of technology that is not ADHD friendly I'll talk to you soon like subscribe and click all the things and we'll see you soon 1 2 3 bye rains [Music]

Channel: How to ADHD

Views: 211,832

Keywords: add, adhd, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, jessica mccabe, how to, attention deficit disorder, rick green, totally add, how to adhd, brains, rsd, adult adhd, adhd symptoms, adhd treatment, adult adhd symptoms, adhd in adults, medication, adhd help, strategies, help, Jessica McCabe and Rick Green Get Real About ADHD, kati morton, adhd medication, adhd adult, adhd tips, how to stop beating yourself up, mayo clinic

Id: wxMpajLtu_g

Length: 15min 59sec (959 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 14 2019