-Welcome to the
80th Annual Golden Globe Awards. [ Cheering and applause ] Mm-hmm. [ Whistling ] I am your host,
Jarrod Carmichael. [ Cheering and applause ]
Sure. Sure, sure, sure. And I'll tell you why I'm here. [ Laughter ] I'm here because I'm Black. [ Laughter and applause ] -Yeah, you are. [ Cheering ] I'll catch everyone
in the room up. [ Laughter ] If you settle down a little bit, I'll tell you what's been
going on. This show,
the Golden Globe Awards, did not air last year because the Hollywood
Foreign Press Association -- which, I won't say they were
a racist organization [ Laughter ]
but they didn't have
a single Black member until George Floyd died. [ Laughter ] So, do with that information
what you will. [ Laughter ] I'll tell you how I got here. Why am I here on the stage
with you guys tonight? Well, I was at home. [ Laughter and cheering ] I was drinking tea. [ Laughter ] And I got a phone call from my man Stephen Hill. Stephen Hill's
a great producer. He said, "Jarrod, really, I'm honored
to be making this phone call." He said, "I'm producing
the 80th Golden Globes and it would be an honor if you would agree
to join as the host." I was like, "Whoa!" [ Laughter ] You know? Like, one minute,
you're making mint tea at home. [ Laughter ] The next, you're invited to be
the Black face of an embattled
white organization. [ Laughter and applause ] Life really comes at you fast,
you know? [ Laughter ] So, I said, "Stephen, I'm torn.
I'll be honest with you. I'm a little torn because,
you know, I -- [ Laughs ] one, it's a great opportunity. Thank you for the call. But I'm only being asked
to host this, I know, because I'm Black." And Stephen said, "Let me stop
you right there, Jarrod." He said, "You're being asked
to host this show because you're talented. You're being asked to host this
show because you're charming." He said, "You're being asked
to host this show because you are one
of the greatest comedians of a generation." [ Whistling, cheering,
and applause ] But Stephen's Black,
so what does he know? [ Laughter ]
Like he's only producing the show
because he's Black. They're not going to tell him
why he's here, either. [ Laughter and applause ] So, I said, "Stephen,
this is a lot for me. Let me call you back." So, I did what I do when I have
a moral racial dilemma. I called the homegirl Avery, who, for the sake
of this monologue, represents every Black person
in America. [ Laughter ] And I said to Avery,
I said, "Avery, they asked me to host
the Golden Globes." I said, "You know,
what should I do?" And she said, "Oh, booky,
I'm so proud of you. [ Laughter ] Now, remind me, which award show
was that, again?" [ Laughter ]
And I told her
what this show was and I told her about how,
last year, it didn't air because of the
no Black people thing. [ Laughter ]
And she was like, "Well, how much
are they paying you?" [ Laughter ] And I said, "Well, Avery, it's not about the money,
honestly. It's about the moral question
of whether I should allow --" And she said, "Jarrod,
enough, all that. How much are they paying you?" [ Laughter ] And I said, "$500,000." And she said, "Boy, if you don't put on a good suit and take them
white people money." [ Laughter and applause ] And I kind of forget
that like where I'm from like we all live by a strict
"Take the money" mentality. [ Laughter ] I bet Black informants
for the FBI in the '60s, like their families
were still proud of them. Like they were like, "You hear
about Clarence new job?" They paying him $8 an hour just
to snitch on Dr. King. [ Laughter ] It's a good government job." [ Laughter ] And I called Stephen back
and I said, "I'm happy to do this." And I was really proud
of that decision. Until... ...I got an email
from my publicist, saying that Helen, the president of the Hollywood
Foreign Press Association, wanted to have a one-on-one
sitdown with me. And I said, "No, thanks." [ Laughter ] I know a trap
when I hear a trap. [ Laughter ] [ Laughs ] And I thought it went away. Then it came back like, "Well, they're not really
asking, Jarrod. They're insisting
that you take the meeting." And I'm like, "Or what?! They're going to fire me?" They haven't had a Black host
in 79 years. They're going to fire
the first one? I'm unfireable. [ Laughter ] And it came back again,
a third time. Like, "You know, Jarrod, Helen really just wants
to educate you on the changes
that the organization has made, in regards to diversity." And I'll be totally honest
with everyone here tonight. I don't really need
to hear that. I took this job assuming they
hadn't changed at all. [ Laughter and applause ] At all. I heard they got six new
Black members. [ Clapping ]
Congrats to them. Whatever. [ Laughter ]
Sure. But... it's not why I'm here. I'm here, truly,
because, all of you, I look out into this room
and I see a lot of talented people,
like people that I admire, people that I would like
to be like and people that I'm jealous of and people that are actually
really incredible artists. And, regardless of whatever the Hollywood Foreign Press
Association's past may be, this is an evening
where we get to celebrate and I think this industry
deserves evenings like these and I'm happy you all are here
and I'm happy I'm here and I hope you have
some fun tonight.
