Jay Shetty Talks Healing, Purpose, Forgiveness, Grace + More

wake that ass up early in the morning The Breakfast Club morning everybody it's DJ EnV charlam the GU We Are The Breakfast Club we got a special guest in the building my guy he's an author New York's time bestselling author he's a entrepreneur he is a podcast host and now he is a model as well ladies and gentlemen Jay Shetty a Model A model by the way Jay shett is more than a podcast host he has one of the top 10 biggest podcasts in the world that's right okay like I think that's very important to note because everybody got a podcast okay Jay said has one of the top 10 biggest podcasts in the world what is it number five I think I think so that's on Spotify I think that's what it came out as but no thank you for having me guys I love being here with you guys I'm so grateful to be back with you congrats on the new studio I know it's not new for your for your viewers but it's new for me being in here with you but thank you thank you guys you're one of the people I always use as a model man when people tell me like you know how do I get started in podcasting or broadcasting I always say you got to be your true authentic self and you got to provide something that um you know may be missing and you came with healing you know conversations about mental health love and you filled the very big void in the marketplace a void that I didn't even think people knew was missing wow that that means a lot coming from you I think I think whenever you're starting anything right it's about finding the space in the market and then figuring out what you just said that authentic part that you can match with that space and I think for me I love all the podcasts that exist in the world and they serve so many different purposes there's so many that I listen to but for me I was I remember I was at this event and the event was called building meaningful lives and Tom Brady was speaking at the event and then they were asking questions and I don't know Tom Brady and you know we we we're not we don't know each other we've never connected but I saw a lot of questions being asked to him and all the questions were about the Rings and the games and the sports and I could tell that he was trying to talk about meaningful things because the conference was building meaningful lives and again I don't know him so I've never checked this with him but from my perspective I could I felt my intuition suggested that he wanted to go in a direction that he couldn't go in because everyone just wanted him to talk about sports and I was like okay I want to build the platform where someone like him could go in the direction they want to go in that's like when you came on the show and you need to come back we need to have you back on you know when you came on it was like we could go in the direction that you want to talk about that some people don't have the platform to do that for you know so that's where it came from you know we had Uh Kevin Gates up here he's a rapper and he he has a a song called um I think it's called I can heal you you know and he's talking about you know the fact that he feels like he can heal women right but just in general do you think you can heal people I can't heal people I'm not that powerful I don't I don't think I have the power or the capacity to heal people but I believe the universe does I believe energy does I believe frequency does and I think that all we're trying to do is introduce people to all of these ideas Concepts practices habits mindsets that they can then Implement I think people taking on that power is too much pressure I think taking on that pressure of I'm going to heal you I'm going to heal people wow I think I would crumble if I felt that way I would I would not last two seconds and so I have never felt that and I've always felt that I've been a vessel for my teachers and mentors and guides I feel that I've been so invested in a lot of people say to me like Jay you're so young how did you learn this and I'll say I just got lucky I had great mentors great teachers great guides and I'm just trying to share what I've learned through me and yeah I don't want I don't want the pressure of trying to be a savior Messiah or a Healer you can heal people do your experience though cuz people you know I think a lot of times they feel like they're alone and if you explain your story and tell them how you got through your tough times or whatever that you've been through it can like you said give somebody a road map of what they can do you know for every situation that you try might not work for somebody you know uh but it'll give them a guide to maybe something that can put them on their healing Journey absolutely absolutely yeah I agree with that I agree with that but I feel like that is still so much on that person and I feel like that's what we've seen whether it's mental health whether it's growth whether it's personal development so much of the accountability and responsibility is on the receiver of knowledge my teachers would always give this beautiful example they'd say cuz sometimes right I'd go to listen to a talk or you go listen to a and the person who's teaching you is maybe not the best orator they're not the best Communicator they're not the person who's coming at it with all the you know gems and everything else and my teachers would say to me if you're sitting in a class like that that you may think the speak is at a zero but that means you need to rise to a 10 to extract greatness from them whereas if your speaker at a 10 you get to Coast at a zero and you may extract nothing from them because they just entertained your mind and so I think as a listener as a practitioner we've got to raise our game to extract greatness from who we're listening to and implement it in our lives if that makes sense does everybody no I I feel like everybody deserves healing but does everybody deserve healing I would say that LE let's let's go around down this thought experiment to answer that question so I've been thinking a lot about this if we could simplify the purpose of life to be to love and be loved M if we could agree that we think that loving others and being loved by others feels like a meaningful purpose in our lives right what's really interesting about that is that because of how we've been loved growing up we Chase to do things in order to be loved so we start thinking well in order for me to be loved I need to build a big business I need to look a certain way I need to have a certain amount of followers I need to build a podcast whatever it may be so we start doing lots of stuff in order to be loved cuz we think to be to love and be loved we need to do big things then what ends up happening is we end up in a space where we realized that doesn't lead to love I'm not loved more because I have more followers I'm not loved more because I have more money I'm not loved more because I have more which then begs the question going to your earlier question we need to heal that idea so I think everyone deserves healing because everyone's been misled whether it's by the system whether it's by Society whether it's about conditioning so if you look at the journey as to why everyone deserves healing it's because everyone Started From A P place or everyone started from a more naive place but got LED down a certain path that then requires them to have healing so I think everyone deserves healing what do you think shoman I'm seeing you thinking about it deeply I do I just hear people say that you know and um I think what what I what I would tell folks is you know that's like you said that's really not up to you to decide you know if a person regardless of what they've been through if they decide to go on their healing Journey that's between them and and and their creator and that's between them and their their trauma you know who am I to say that person doesn't deserve healing yeah you know I guess the other question too would be does everybody deserve forgiveness and Grace I mean here's here's how I like to look at it let's let's pretend that we lived in a world actually we don't need to pretend that is the world let's live in a world where there is no forgiveness and Grace Lord have mercy right exactly let's let's see what what would that look like like let's do a thought experiment you have a planet there's no forgiveness there's no Grace I would struggle to live in that world because I know I need forgiveness and Grace not only from myself but from the people around me if my wife wasn't forgiving and getting me Grace that would be a really tough relationship if my mom didn't forgive me and give me Grace that would be a tough relationship if my boss if you know whatever else in my life I think we'd actually all be living with more anxiety more stress and we'd internalize that lack of forgiveness and project it back onto ourselves and that would perpetuate a cycle by the way that's kind of where we're at right now that's right and I think a lot of our lack of capacity for forgiveness and Grace for others actually comes because we don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt right like you know amazing things going to happen whereby we literally will you know I think I'm sure you've heard this too where it's like I loved you until you did this I believed in you until you did this and it's almost like we don't give ourself a second chance and because we don't give ourselves a second chance we don't give others a second chance and I believe that everyone deserves forgiveness and Grace if they are willing to choose the path of reformation that's right if they're willing to go on the path and do the work of saying I have had some challenges I've made some mist Stakes I'm willing to grow that's but sometimes it's a chicken and egg situation because sometimes for someone to have that reaction they need to feel that there is an opportunity for forgiveness and Grace so often people are so scared that people won't forgive them that they don't want to admit it right like let's take a very basic example like uh you know someone's let's let's take something that I think you know someone's cheated on their partner not not an ideal situation not a great thing do we just let that person get away with it of course not but partly that person may be scared of sharing it because they're scared there won't be forgiveness and Grace that's right now are scared to lose or scared to lose now they've made a mistake and they should be held accountable regardless because if they were in a committed relationship but it's this chicken and egg situation of like where what comes first and I don't know the answer to that because it requires so much from the person who's been her and it's sad cuz you've already been her and now more is required of you and I think a lot of people feel that way that they're the one who've been hurt but they've got to be the bigger person yeah I think a lot of times with with forgiveness sometimes it's why the person asks for forgiveness or why the person is sorry right so like you said in a cheating situation right it's quick and easy for a person to say okay I'm sorry because they got caught totally you know same thing with with somebody when they say something wild online right what the first the first reason they want to apologize really is they want things to get back to normal but are they really sorry did they really understand what they did in hurts somebody uh and I think that's the problem when it comes to forgiving somebody right it's easy to say I forgive you you slap me in my face and I say okay I forgive you but no I don't m not until we have the conversation of why you slapped me in the face why you said what you said how did you affect me and then we can get to that path but I think a lot of times it's easy for people to say I'm sorry I didn't mean to do it I went to rehab it's over right and and the world is supposed to open back up but if you can't explain to me why you did what you did and assure me why it can't happen again M I can never forgive you people be like well forgive you means this that and the other no I don't think about you but that's that's my reason of feeling that way I that's yeah that's the best I fully agree with everything you just said that's that's that's what's missing is you you just you said something so subtle and so passively I want to highlight it for everyone because I'm like that is it it's like we want to say sorry often because we want things to go back to normal correct and that that is the mistake like that isn't worthy of forgiveness and we need to go deeper than that you just uh sat down with First Lady Michelle Obama conversation was everywhere right uh and she expressed how terrified she was about this election year what was it like hearing that from her and how do you process that does that give you anxiety when you hear that yeah it's an interesting thought process because I can't vote in this country uh I moved here eight years ago I have a green card but I don't you know I don't have voting rights and I moved here the year Trump became president in 2016 and so I've had an interesting education in the United States and I haven't you know I didn't grow up learning American history or American politics so I'm also very uneducated in this in that space specifically I think for me I look at most things as things I can and can't control and when I think about things that make me anxious on a global scale I often ask myself what is the root of that anxiety in my community so if I'm seeing whether it's ignorance whether it's a lack of understanding whether it's a lack of curiosity openness compassion on a global scale I'm asking myself where does that exist within me and my friends and my society and how do I start impacting that because that I can control and so I've been practicing that for a long time because I feel that there's a lot of things that give me anxiety like there's a lot of things that can stress me out there's something new in the news every day that can do that right but for me what's really interesting is saying okay where is like I read this beautiful quote from F Scott Fitzgerald a few years back and and it's beautiful and he said that I don't have my phone other I'd read it right but what is it I'll Google uh type in um type in the type in two opposites and F Scott Fitzgerald two opposing ideas correct but look for the full quote cuz they only quote half of it sometimes and it's so and a longer version of that quote I see the test of a First Rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing sides in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function one should for example be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise that I love that right like to be able to hold two this is I think the biggest challenge we're facing in the human mind is that we're not able in our Micro World and in a macro world to be able to hold two opposing ideas at the same time still retain the ability to function so as Scott Fitzgerald said I should be able to see that everything seems hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise that to me is where I like to live and where I like to function is that how can I accept that things are Beyond My Control I'm not powerful enough yet control what I can try to do and so I kind of look at ignorance in my own community in my own friends group in our WhatsApp chats in our text threads like where is that ignorance where is that you know where where are the missing links and how can I start to impact and influence my friends to be more open-minded to be more Curious to be better Learners and myself by the way too to question where I'm easy quick to shut people down like I've noticed that so much in me recently like if I'm judging someone I've really been asking myself can I look for that quality in me because I really believe that the reason I'm judging it and I'm so triggered by it is because I know it's inside myself and my judgment is just a reflection of me not introspecting enough so to me I try and bring down Global events into the personal and intimate because otherwise it's so chaotic and so hard to deal with I believe some people's judgment is a reflection of of of the masses right and and that's my biggest thing I have with social media and sometimes when people talk about their healing Journey or some of the things that they do I think they look for out with without actually doing the necessary work right so somebody might see Charlamagne and he's a eved and and he'll explain the ways that he evolved and somebody might JP on it because they seen it work for Charlamagne but it won't work for them because it's not in their heart you know what I mean I think a lot of times with social media and what you said about the masses I think people follow a fake way of doing it to pray for healing instead of trying to find their own journey and I think that's that's the difficult part and I try to tell people and I think you know with with some of the things that you're doing you trying to find your own healing Journey you know you give an example with yours shag gives an example of his I give an example of mine but a lot of times people will try to follow that and it doesn't open up their own mind to some of their other thoughts yeah yeah that's that's so powerful and I think the beautiful thing about anyone who has gone on a healing Journey realizes how unique yet similar it is like if we sat down and we talked about healing Journeys all three of us we'd find so many similarities yet so many differences and that's that's the beauty of it that when you go down that path and yeah I would encourage everyone to not try and imitate it's almost like you know a few years ago people's morning routines became really popular and all of a sudden everyone's trying to do the Einstein morning routine or whatever it may be and it's like you're not going to become that person by doing their morning routine that's a part of who they are but what you're saying is that there's an Essence there's a heart there that you're totally missing out on so yeah I fully agree you can't you can't imitate someone's morning routine and suddenly become them I like what you said too can you can you really find truth in this world of extremes because it feels like everybody got to pick a side and like we talked about it before you came in like I can sit down and have a convers with and people will look at that as an endorsement no we're just having a conversation because there's got to be some Nuance in all of this right like I got a spiritual you know leader one of my spiritual teachers slute y she always says she says there's no such thing as right and wrong in humans do you do you believe that there's no such thing as right and wrong I mean you could see that from the I guess it depends what level of I guess it depends on what level of humanity you're talking about right like legal there's right and wrong I guess morally there's right and wrong and then I guess thought wise or perception wise then you get into muddier territory because then what is right and wrong because everyone's looking at everything if you just think about the multiple lenses that we've had it's like if you imagine that every life experience you've had is a crack in the mirror right the parents you had the town you grew up in the friends you had growing up the school you went to your first job your first love your first heartbreak imagine all of those are cracks in a mirror now every time you're looking in that mirror imagine how many different Reflections and distorted Reflections you're seeing M we're basically dealing with that with 8 billion people so the amount of distortion in perception reflection perspective is so variegated that How can any one of us know what the truth is or what right and wrong is because it's there the options unlimited like you would need an algorithm and even an algorithm couldn't compute the depths of the trauma the impact the experience like it would require it would require a god brain in order to formulate and contextualize all of those experiences so I do think there was this uh I don't know where it's from but I remember seeing it in cobrai of all places but there was this great line that said there's always uh there's always three sides to every story Yours Mine and the truth but I think the challenge is that the truth part is not we're not even it's objective it's objective but I don't even think what what you just said rightly is in order then if we're saying there's three sides to every story but we're only living on one side the only way to get to the middle ground and by the way the middle ground has been a philosophical standpoint the Buddha talked about the middle path we talk about living a balanced life we talk about finding the core the heart the center if you at all philosophical spiritual well-being Traditions it's always about the the middle the heart the center the core yet the only way to get to the middle is by looking at both extremes you're not going to get to the middle by being on one on any of one side of any thought and so I think what you just said shalam and what you do here so beautifully is I I love and I try and do this too to have conversations that people don't expect me to have with people that people may be confused as to why I'm sitting down with them in order to understand the cracks of the mirror that's what I'm fascinated by I'm fascinated by the cracks on the mirror because how they got to how they think is even more important to me than how they think because if we understand how someone got to how they think we can help save the future because we can make sure that their experiences are slightly more variegated diverse supported in order to have healthier ideas in the future do do you do you feel like most people are just performing what do you mean by that because when sometimes when you sit down with these people you realize like oh this is this is just an act like you know I mean you're just doing this because of what can what what can come come from it so it's like I when I'm having a conversation with somebody I try to remove all of that and get to what you just said like and you usually get to that by seeing how a person got to where they are and then when you that's when you realize like oh this isn't yeah I think it's hard right now like there's this meme on social media that I love and it's all text and it says society says be yourself and then society says no not like that and it's brilliant right and so what I've realized is society says I want to know what you feel and then it goes but if you let me tell that again what society says I want to know what you feel but then if what you feel doesn't make me feel good then I don't know what you want to feel and so I think people have actually kind of regressed into performing because they're so scared of being judged for every word they say and then there's the side of people performing because they think that they have to abide by certain rules or they have to you know sit with a particular thought process or whatever it may be but I think in our attempt to be more authentic as a society we've actually started blocking authenticity because if your authenticity doesn't make me feel good then I'm rejecting it and that doesn't actually make sense like you know it doesn't you can't if you say something that I don't like I can say I don't like it but I can't tell you that that's wrong yeah don't say I'm real until I say something that you don't agree with yeah you can't it can't be that way I still I should still be real right like come on but is it all in in interpretation right like um you've been married eight years sometimes when you get into a a argument or you know a disagreement with your wife it might not be right or wrong it might be how you interpret things right so you know if your wife says something you be like you had an attitude and it makes you upset but really she didn't have an attitude so I think a lot of what we see in this world is interpretation absolutely I I try and and that's why I think the self-interpretation point is so much more important I think we get so lost in social media we've mention it here and by the way obviously I love social media without it I wouldn't even have had a career I wouldn't be here today so I'm very grateful to social media but the point is that I think we get so lost in other people's marriages other people's careers other people's failures is that we don't make the time to reflect on our own so when I find myself being agitated with my wife or being irritated with my wife I look back as to why did I behave that way and 99% of the time it's because I have a certain fear I have a certain insecurity sometimes my fear is actually a positive fear of let's say my wife asks me a really important question but I'm about to walk into this interview my agitated non-m mindful response is going to be I haven't got time for this right now I'll talk to you later right which is the worst thing to say but I I've been there I'm just going to put my hand out I've done that right like I've said hey I haven't got time for this right now I would never say that but you got more balls I I ain't got time for this right now I'm being honest and said I've said that in the past right I've said that before and I feel terrible for saying that now when I look back at that and I've reflected on that and my wife's very forgiving and kind and so she tolerates me deeply and I appreciate her for that but when I reflect on having made that mistake the real reason is twofold one is it's it's not that I haven't got time for it I actually really care about her and I want to give her a really good answer I just I'm scared that I won't be able to do that in 30 seconds and so now I'm just trying to pass it off because I I don't want to take on the fear so there's actually a well-intentioned thing there it's not that I actually think I'm too busy and then sometimes I'm like well my life's more important like I remember this time my my wife would come up to me and say I've had a really bad day and I'd say tell me about it I've had a really bad week and I was using her pain you're trumping her pain exactly I was using her pain to validate my pain because I haven't spent time validating my pain in private because I haven't taken that time to acknowledge and recognize that I'm having a challenging week I'm now using and taking her moment of connecting with her partner to make it about me and so again when I reflect on that why am I doing that it's because I haven't taken time for myself and I think that's where I want people to live more because we could actually heal so many of our daily irritations and agit simply by going got it I'm scared I'm being insecure and I'm not validating my own pain how many times do you how many how often have you broken your own eight rules of love oh every day every day man every day I I don't think it's you know it goes back to that how can I heal someone I'm still healing myself and it goes to the reality of and I think we all know this at this table everything in life is a process right like even if you took something really tangible like we say this person is Rich we talk about them as if they can never lose it and that it will always be theirs that's actually not true people could lose all their money we talk about someone being famous you could lose that so in the same way healing progress development you can lose it and I think we've got so lost in that destination addiction the belief that you get to a point from which there is no return and I think that destination addiction is really misleading in the wellness space because we feel like oh now I'm Healed and I think it's comes from this idea of if you think about it right social media is full of before and after pictures this is where I used to be look at where I am now right and it's always like saying I used to be in a bad place now I'm in a great place no process though no process and linear when the real life life is this every day that's right it's just cyclical and I think we've made our minds feel that Journeys a linear it's like a to B like going from LA to New York or New York to LA it's linear but we know that life is so much more cyclical and so yes I have broken the eight rules of love every day every week of my life one of the things you said man that I think is so important that I want people to really get from this if they don't get nothing else from this conversation is you're like there's no manual for any of this so you're not going to be the perfect husband you're not going to be the perfect father I spend so much time simply apologizing to my wife and apologizing to my kids because I don't ever want them to think that I'm trying to come off as some perfect human who never gets anything wrong right and I think that is that's very important to do and just being present like when your when your when your wife calls you your child calls you even if you in that moment you weren't present I'm soon as I'm done whatever I'm doing I'm so sorry that you know I had to do that but I had to go do X Y and Z in that moment yeah absolutely and I think I think the thing about the point you just made and and I hope this is what someone takes away from this as well is I think a lot of us in our minds when we do introspect we're quite heavy and harsh on ourselves I think a lot of people are walking around with a internal inner critical voice that is completely making them feel terrible and so when anyone says something externally it's worse and I just want to remind people that you can't hate yourself into change like you can't guilt yourself into growth you can't blame yourself into a breakthrough when was the last time you changed who you were because someone hated you never when was the last time you supported someone you hate deeply so if you're hating blaming guilting yourself it may get you started but it won't get you there and so anyone who's giving themselves a hard time I'm not saying to give yourself an easy time but that inner Grace that inner forgiveness is such an important part of you actually becoming better so you're not doing it because you're trying to take it easy on yourself you're doing it because it's going to let you get through the hard times the the the most important thing I think for a lot of people is is back to what you said with forgiveness and Grace right a lot of things that we do is learn Behavior right why do people pop their children usually because they got popped as a child you know why do people talk the way that they talk usually because their parents talk to them or their parents did the same thing or they do that but a lot of times when you're in the moment you don't see that right when my dad told me don't go out don't do this don't do that my first reaction was like I hate him my other friends can do it and I can't but now as a parent it's the same thing now I understand why he said what he said but you always pray that you get it before that family member leaves this Earth You know what I mean and I thank God every day that my dad is still here that I didn't leave being mad at him and you know I I I try to explain more to my kids because I never want them to feel that way but I know they must feel the same way when they be like I can't go to my friend's house for sleep over wide and I know they might be mad cuz their friends do it but that Grace and forgiveness we have to understand that a lot of the stuff that we do is learn Behavior even if it's not right we have to realize that a lot of the things that we learned and were taught were up yeah yeah yeah there's there's that famous quote you just reminded me of that says uh by the time you realize that your parents are right your kids are telling you that you're wrong and and it's that that awkward position that we end up in and but you know what's really interesting about that I was talking to someone about this at dinner last night and there's this old story that that I heard a while ago and it's always resonated with me even even with my own childhood not not in particular but in essence so The Story Goes that these two men were interviewed intered and one was an alcoholic and the other one had never drunk alcohol and they were brothers and they interviewed them and then they asked the one who drank alcohol and was an alcoholic he said why are you an alcoholic he said my dad was an alcoholic and then they asked the other brother why don't you drink and he said my dad was an alcoholic and so I think a lot of us got an education in what not to do but we ended up repeating it instead of breaking the cycle and I feel like in my life I had to I got a great education in a lot of my areas of life in what not to do and who not to be and I took all those little notes down and I think that's what's improved my life so I think if we're constantly waiting for the perfect example and the perfect space and the perfect surroundings and the perfect aunt and uncle and the perfect parent it's like we may be waiting forever cu no one's perfect so we almost have to make a list of what not to do but what not to do but also how to that's why that's why podcast like on purpose is so important that's why podcast like you know Debbie Brown deeply well is so important because we learn how to you know break break a lot of these Cycles absolutely are you wearing Gap right now no not right now okay I'm just asking no cuz you saw that you saw yeah I saw the Gap came that's I called you model earlier you did the that's why that's you thought you thought you was handsome thought I was like I was like all right DJ MV there's a you know all right there you know I wasn't expecting that from you but but thank you man I appreciate it no you and your wife did a holiday holiday Gap campaign yeah yeah we we were just you know when we got us to do that it was like we couldn't believe it we're like what is this you know like we grew up watching The Gap campaigns like the holiday campaigns especially and any I've said to my wife any time I get to do any work with her is my favorite thing because I get to hang with her all day and so that shoot was fun they made it fun the creative team was fantastic like it was a good time we walked out of there having had having had a great day so yeah it was a lot of fun and then it was it was surreal because you know yeah definitely never been a model so do you have a question yourself when you get a approach to do things like that because you know people think for whatever for whatever reason what it is you do oh you shouldn't have ADD campaigns like you're supposed to be a guru you know do you ever question yourself about doing stuff like that yeah absolutely I I've I've had the challenges I've had to sit with that question so much and here's what I've come out with one of the reasons I do it is because I don't want to be the guru I I don't want to be that I'm a normal guy who likes nice things who is married who's happily married who who's living in the normal world who has businesses like everything it's like I just I want to be that because I think that the you know the putting anyone up on a pedestal that person will always let you down because it's it's hard for anyone to live up to that and so I would rather take myself off of it and and normalize it and be good with that and and at the same time I think I look at it and I go in my opinion I'm hoping that someone's going to see that and be reminded of Wellness and be reminded of well-being from the perspective of like oh yeah Jay and Ry they do that thing so I'm hoping that it's actually helping us get the message out there more uh and maybe I'm wrong but I also look at it as things I enjoy doing and things I love doing with my wife and I live life in that way and a lot of the opportunities come my way one of the things that I've really been working on and this is probably the most thoughtful answer I can give to this is I've realized that a lot of opportunities I give today a lot of opportunities I get today they feel like a high five to my 16-year-old self and my 12-year-old self and even my 5-year-old self and then there's the more evolved me of today and so I'm living these two lives and I think we all are living the life of what our inner child desired and then our evolved today self- desires and I've just found that there are certain opportunities that fulfill it for that inner child that I don't want to abandon because what I'm worried about is that if I abandon it there will be some more bitterness some more resentment that will develop that will grow in the future and so I want to make sure that I acknowledge the needs of that inner child that maybe weren't met at that age or that stage in my life and so that's kind of what I refer to a lot when I'm trying to make these decisions I don't have a problem with it because you know we always say stop making stupid people famous so why not so why not make the small ones if the small ones can get the light on them why not because when it amplifies your profile more people you know come in and pay attention thing I want to ask you too do you get push back from people who will watch you sit down with a Michelle Obama or J pinket Smith why didn't you challenge them on this why didn't you challenge them on that yeah I don't get push back for not challenging people because I think the questions I ask are challenging in a different way but I think I'll get push back because someone doesn't like that person yeah but what I found every single time is that when someone actually listens to the episode or watches it on YouTube if you look at that comment section it is spectacular like when someone's actually taking out time out of the day to listen for an hour or watch for an hour and then you see the comment section you'll see people having complete I had people reaching out about both those episodes the the President Biden interview as well that we did earlier last year and the comments of people who actually listen to it and by the way a lot of people were like hey I don't agree with this person's politics I'm actually on completely on the other side but I just want you to know that listening to this interview was so enlightening from a human perspective thank you for putting it out there and I respect that approach because I think that's why I do the interview I don't do the interview uh for any other reason apart from us looking at the broken mirror and looking back and saying okay where can I resonate with the humanity of this individual or where can I relate to this person so yeah I think that's that's generally the push back but the comment section I I encourage you on those episodes to go look at the YouTube comment section uh it's it's phenomenal to read what people are getting yeah cuz I think your conversation with Jada pinket Smith the clips is what set off the Jada pinket hate train not because of you you know what I mean but if you if you didn't watch the whole conversation in context and you just saw Clips yeah she got attacked for a lot of that yeah yeah and Jay's a dear friend for me so it's yeah it's it's a tough one because I think any clip about anyone I I said I someone say this to me today yesterday they said to me Jay they' met me for the first time and they were like Jay you're so much nicer in person I didn't like you off of your Instagram and I was like fair enough like that's cool but it's like it's so hard for me to be all of myself in 30 seconds and I'm trying my best you're trying your best you're trying your best but it's hard for any of us like they not the like about you on Instagram you're in the kitchen with your wife no you got puppies looking your face no in the sense of I I think he was just like you know I feel like you feel a bit like whatever it was like whatever his I don't even know what it was but I think all all of us if you judged any of us of a 30C reel I'm sure all of us would agree it's not who we are you know so and that's why I've I do stuff with my wife because I feel I'm most myself when I'm with my wife because naturally it's the person I spend the most time with and so but even with even with all of us like I've got to meet you guys in person a few times now we were in can with iHeart on on you know for the festival last year together and I think when you've met people in person that's the only time you're going to feel like you've got to know them I don't think any on on this I feel like if someone if someone okay if someone follows me on Instagram they understand maybe 10% of who I am if they listen to my podcast they probably understand 75% of who I am because they're really dialing into who I am if they've read my books and my podcast they probably like at that 89% if they've seen me live they're right that 95% and then when someone's met me in person it's 100% And so I think it's all percentages and I you know I I hope that we all again going back to forgiveness and Grace I hope that we can all give each other a bit more benefit of the doubt M because I think it would go a long way for people and you officiated uh Ben in JLo's wedding yeah that was a year and a half ago were you licensed to do that uh I had to do the online kind of you know why did they I mean why did they but I don't think you have to be in in Georgia I don't think you need to be uh licens or I don't know what the rules are there I can't remember why did they pick you though like uh so I'd collaborated with Jen for a while like we'd done a bunch of stuff together Cas she came on the show a few years ago we'd had a few great offline conversations uh I went and officiated weddings as part of the launch of her last movie on on her special and it was just uh you know it just I was really grateful for the opportunity I I was you know pinching myself as well and you know for me I love love like I'm a massive lover of love and I I'd sent her the book as well and I think that kind of made it happen too I'd sent the book and when it was being written and she appreciated it and she wrote me a beautiful testimonial for it and that kind of led to the wedding as well and uh it was like I felt like I was just trying to make sure I didn't cry like I'm that kind of guy who like ugly cries during a wedding and like gets really soppy and like you know she's walking down the aisle Ben's there he's tearing up I'm like don't cry dude you're going to ruin this do not cry and and I just had to hold it together just to get through because I was like I'm about to ball so yeah it was special it was an amazing experience I I got know you probably got a run so I got like one more question for you you say language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone and it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone could you could you expound on it yeah it's a Paul tillich quote the writer Paul tillich shared that and to me I I extrapolated from his work for my book because I was realizing that language and the way we use words completely defines how we think about things so when you hear the word loneliness you think sadness you think potentially depression you think negativity course Solitude is spending time alone with yourself but with strength with courage as Paul tillich says Glory so what I've realized is we've got to be so careful with the language we use in our minds every single word is a seed for either a weed or a flower that's right and so every single word that you say is defining so if I keep saying I'm lonely I'm lonely I'm lonely that's going to impact how I feel but if I say I'm in solitude all of a sudden there's a strength that comes with that and so I just want to encourage people to recognize that being alone doesn't have to be a weakness it can be a time of strength and self-awareness and personal growth but it is about the language that we use with ourselves and so I would ask everyone to this one activity think about the one word that comes to your mind the moment you wake up or the moment you go to sleep make that word a word that you want it to be don't let the word you go to sleep with and don't let the word you wake up with be a word that makes you feel negative unhealthy or weak because those studies show we have 60 to 80,000 thoughts per day and 80% of them are negative and 80% of them are repetitive which means you're having the same negative word or thought repeating it's not like we're having lots of different thoughts it's the same thought now you can't control 60 to 80,000 thoughts but you can control two thoughts of the day so just Master the first thought of the day and the last thought of the day and make it a thought and a word that you want it to be I wonder what when that study was done I wonder was it before social media or after cuz I feel like what social media is probably triple that yeah I probably read it that stat probably I've read in the last three to four years so I guess while social media is around but yeah I mean now it could have totally tripled but it's interesting because it's the same thought often yeah right it's a lot of the time we keep saying the same thing I'm so tired I'm so tired that thought could life last a year or like oh God I'm so scared at work I'm so anxious that could last a year so uh one more thing yeah man is there anything J Shady hates oo oh that is that's a great question I need to give a good answer for that yeah think about that by then of the answer I was going to give I have to I can't so the answer is I don't because I think hate personally collectively individually doesn't lead to Greatness MH I've never seen hate lead to Greatness I've never seen hate lead to purpose I've never seen hate lead to a positive outcome and so I think hating anything is setting yourself up to never see the greatness the goodness in it and so I'd prefer not to hate anything what about the notebook you hate the notebook I don't hate The Notebook but I have I have thoughts about the notebook Charlamagne I don't hate The Notebook I find it hilarious as to how many and I was like I said I'm a hopeless romantic I've been like that my whole life because I grew up watching Hollywood movies thinking that that's how I was meant to fall in love I was that dumb person who fell for that and now I've read about something that they call Disney princess syndrome where people walk around like feeling like they're going to be saved by their partner like you're going to have a night in shining armor who's going to come in and rescue you uh I think there's Disney prince syndrome as well where we want to go and save someone and we want to be the be all and end all of everything so the notebook just has some really questionable lines where like Ryan Gosling's character says to Rachel mcadam's character he'll say things like oh you know I could be anything you want me to be I I'll be anything right we've heard that but then the other thing is she's on a ferris wheel is that what called yeah Ferris wheel right that's what you call it Ferris wheel I was I have to check my British and and American but yeah she she's on the ferris wheel he's hanging off the ferris wheel and he goes if you don't go on a date with me I will fall like I'll let go that's really unhealthy like that is really unhealthy like like saying to someone I'm I'm going to commit if you don't go out with me and those and we may think oh it's a movie it doesn't matter I know people who've heard that from people I've had people who've St I've know people who've stalked people who've had people chase them down who who've said things like that to people so I think I'll kill myself if you leave me exactly so I think you we've got to be careful about these ideas if you're watching his entertainment it was really funny I was talking to someone the other day and they were like they're like I didn't sleep so well and I was like what did you watch last night and they went American Nightmare and I was like yeah obviously what do you expect so whenever anyone tells me they wake up with anxiety the question I say what did you watch last night because that is going to tell me what was in your brain so yeah uh I don't hate The Notebook you think it's a horror movie though it's basically it will make your life into a horror movie for sure well Jay shett ladies and gentlemen when can they follow you Jay tell them uh come and check out the podcast on purpose it's where I'm pouring my heart and soul and you know excited to share so many more Amazing maybe thought-provoking maybe even pushing you slightly conversation to come and join us on purpose and his latest book was eight rules of love that came out last year how to find it keep it and let it go you got any a new book coming or you just no no no this was just I was just excited to be back with you and hanging and actually do you know what sometimes I love these conversations because I came here not knowing where it was going to go and then you guys just guide it beautifully so this was wonderful man yeah thank you guys J shett it's The Breakfast Club good morning wake that ass up in the morning The Breakfast Club

Channel: Breakfast Club Power 105.1 FM

Views: 71,120

Keywords: the breakfast club, breakfast club, power1051, celebrity news, radio, video, interview, charlamagne tha god, dj envy

Id: kCBPu8i1xVs

Length: 45min 24sec (2724 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 25 2024