The Happiness Expert: Don't Fall For This TRAP! How To Live A Purposeful Life | Robin Sharma

what's the point of climbing this mountain that the world says we should climb in order to be successful and happy and realize at the end of a career the end of a life we've climbed the wrong Mountain International best-selling author 20 million plus copy sold one of the world's top leadership experts Robin Sharma I've mentored a lot of super rich people and money is all they have how does one balance ambition without attachment hey everyone I've got some huge news to share with you in the last 90 days 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel there's research that shows that if you want to create a habit make it easy to access by hitting the Subscribe button you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier healthier and more healed this would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better bigger brighter content for you in the world subscribe right now the number one Health and Wellness podcast J J shett the one the only Jett when we talk about living a rich life when we talk about living a full life it's a really interesting conversation because I think all of us have grown up with definitions of what a good life looks like and obviously in the book you break down the eight hidden habits as you call them of of the areas that matter but you you have so many amazing chapters in it that that're dive into the depths of it and the one first one that resonated with me was don't be a resentment collector and when I looked at that chapter I was thinking about people I know in my life I was thinking about people I speak to and I realized that actually it's very easy because life can be hard because life can be challenging to collect our resentments to place them on a wall almost as as art and to refer to them and talk about them and find validation and value through them what's the resentment that you've seen people carry around for the longest period of time well so you said a lot of interesting things in there and the first the first thing is there has been a cultural hypnosis Jay that you are rich when you have a lot of money you're rich when you have a big stock portfolio you're rich when you get to the top of the financial Mountain and for 15 plus years this is something I've experienced mentoring billionaires Sports Superstars CEOs movement makers a lot of these people sadly are cash rich and their life poor and so what's the point of climbing this mountain that the world says we should climb in order to be successful and happy and realize at the end of a career the end of a life we've climbed the wrong Mountain so this book is based around as you know the eight forms of wealth now I want to be really clear money is one of the forms of wealth money puts food on the Family Table it gives us freedom it allows us to do great things for people in need having said that there are seven other forms of wealth the first form of wealth is growth we were talking about that before we started to be in Hot Pursuit of your finest self is a form of wealth to spend your days doing a little bit of work on yourself so you know more of your gifts and your talents so you build wisdom so you build Wonder so you build bravery as a form of wealth and so in that first section there's 25 chapters one of them is don't be a resentment collector and I really do think that a lot of us go through life and people hurt us and rather than process through it metabolize the hurt and use pain as a purifier we swallow it and we allow it to build up and it creates what I call in the book A resentment stack and it's that old idea you know heal what hurt you so you don't go out there and bleed on people who didn't cut you and so moving through as you know entrepreneurs don't really talk about forgiveness and athletes usually don't but if we move through the forgiveness and let the people who've hurt us off of our backs we build intimacy with our creativity we get to know ourselves energy Rises Wellness Rises and and we just become more of the people people were meant to be I find often don't you feel this that humans oscillate between extremes so often we have a culture that idolizes money and then we sometimes develop a mindset that demonizes money we have a culture that may idolize Fame and then we demonize Fame we idolize success and then we demonize success and we're not great at finding the neutralized the pure ified version which not only are we deeply seeking but seems to be the healthiest place to land and so you spoke about and I was very happy to see that money is one of the forms of wealth and you're just expanding that there are seven others but I find that often when people hear like and and I think I I've been very clear that I've never talked about how money doesn't buy happiness because I think money is a really powerful energy and Powerful resource which you of course talk about in this book as well but why do you think or how do we stop ourselves from idolizing and then oscillating to demonizing and what is the middle path like what is that perspective that we need to develop that's a beautiful question allow money to be your servant not your master and it's that old proverb be in the world but not of the world so be in the world make money there's 25 chapters on how the billionaires do it make money have nice things go through life treat yourself treat your family having said that don't identify with your wealth your financial wealth a lot of people they their self-identity is determined by their net worth makes me think of Jim Carrey we're in the land of films and movie stars right here and he said you know I wish everyone could be rich and famous to realize it doesn't make a difference and so it's almost as if we're going going through life we all have holes within us and we're looking for outer things to fill the holes and I guess what I would humbly suggest is nothing on the outside will ever fill the holes we're trying to fill on the inside so have the nice car have the nice house take the Great Vacations but don't be defined by those and don't think those things are going to somehow make your wake up one Friday morning feeling fantastic and that's where the other seven forms of wealth come in money is one of the forms of wealth but there are seven others for example growth Wellness family craft and those kinds of things as we pursue them I mean for example number form of wealth number three family I've mentored a lot of super rich people and money is all they have you know I've been to places where I remember one in particular I write about it I was asked to attend um an assignment to Mentor someone most beautiful house I've ever seen I walked by his art collection walked by his car collection indoors walked by his book collection went to a Subterranean passage smelt cigar finally got to the room where the Titan of industry was and we talked for two hours and through the conversation I asked him I said J so who do you share all this with must be amazing you must be able to do anything with the people you love and there was just a long long silence and he has no family and they won't talk to him he's all alone and so what's the point of having the beautiful house and all the nice things if you don't have someone to share with it with you know I was um recently with my parents my dad will be 87 in in June and the more years I get behind my belt the more I realize like family is so incredibly important uh there's a chapter have three great friends yeah bet that's one of my list right not not a thousand or or whatever digital friends three great friends that allow you to be seen and you can be yourself with and that's a that's a form of of riches in that chapter on or that section on family there's also something called the 10,000 dinners room and that comes from Aisha Vegs one of the UK's most famous divorce lawyers and she was asking you know look you've seen so many relationships fall fall apart can you share what makes a great relationship number one she said separate bedrooms and number two she said 10,000 dinners if you can see yourself having 10,000 dinners with someone because looks and Fades lust might dissolve but if you can see yourself having 10,000 dinners with someone hold them close because great love is hard to find how does one balance ambition without attachment because I feel that the natural cause of events for most of us is we have ambition or drive we then have achievement and then that achievement leads to attachment because our value becomes our ability to get things or our ability to have achieved how do you have but not have the attachment is the question I think human beings are built to progress I mean I think we are happiest not when we're resting and there's there's a lot in the wealth money Camp buy about recovery enjoying life and all those things having said that I think we are happiest when we are materializing our PL Primal gifts we are happiest when we are chasing what I call your Project X we're happiest when we're moving in the direction of our Mount Everest that's so ambition is not a bad thing I would say what's the root of it though what's driving you are you driving it is it driving you from an un healthy place are you doing it for FFA fame fortune and Applause are you doing it because really deep inside you're overcompensating you don't like yourself very much so you're hoping to get the Applause in the world to make yourself feel better but if you are ambitious and creating your tajma holes or your catcher in the Ry or your Moonlight sunata because you want to push magic into the world if you're doing it because you're in pursuit of a craft the fourth form of wealth pursuing a craft if you're doing it because you want to be of service mahat mandhi I know one of your Heroes as well he said to lose yourself in service in others is to find yourself so if that's what's driving you then I believe your ambition is absolutely healthy and and and only good absolutely I couldn't agree more I think and what's really interesting about that way you process ambition is that it's so internal externally two people could look like they're living the same exact life but internally they're living a completely different one because one is motivated by attachment and one is motivated by service right one is motivated by FFA as you said and one is motivated by service it's it can only actually ever be known by the individual and those closest to them and one of the things that I know my audience struggled with I know that my friends struggle with there know people in my life and I read this chapter I was like this is the one that I'm going to tell them to listen to and read immediately you say the best way to start is to start and I find that everyone I know or a lot of people I know I should say struggle to start because they're so scared of what people will say they're so scared of what people will think they're so scared of rejection they're scared of failure I spoke to a friend the other day he said to me he said Jay I struggle with trying new things because since I was young I kind of followed a path I went to college I knew I was going to study this particular thing so I got that degree I only applied to two jobs and I got both of them because I'd studied the right degree and so I've never really had a door shut on me before so now that I want to do something different it's impossible to think that nine out of 10 doors May close so I find that so many people struggle to start even though we know it's the place to start because they're so scared of re ection lack of validation or failure so how do we how do we start when that's what's going on in our head how do you write the book that'll change the world you go home and you write the first page how do you get super fit if you want to get super fit you go on the first walk how do you find true love if you are all alone you talk to that person in the grocery store as simple as it sounds if you look at the great monuments Taj Mahal 22 years one of the wonders in the world it started with the first block another wonder of the world the Great Pyramid of Giza 2500 blocks 50,000 workers one of The Monuments the world looks to it started with that first stone so I was in Dubai on a radio show and this wonderful broadcaster asked me like you know this is all fantastic and so where do we start and I think you're right the very question speaks of some degree of fear because underneath it is really exactly what you're saying if I stand in my true power if I live my values if I chase my ethical Ambitions if I live the life I truly want to live if I let go of the energy vampires and fill my life with people whose lives I want to be living if I become all those things what if I fail What If I Stumble what if I get laughed at and that's where I think it's really important to remember the shortness of life and that's why people when they talk about mortality they go they almost apologize sorry to talk about the shortness of life or but I think talking about the shortness of Our Lives is inspirational because when we remember how quick a human life goes by no matter how long we get to live and when we make maybe every day in our meditations or in our journaling and our private conversations we remind ourselves soon or late we will be nothing more than a pile of dust on a mantle above a fireplace next to Little League trophies number one we don't take ourselves too seriously and number two we live to the point I think what we are as human beings is we are great postponers we are busy being busy we are maximalists versus minimalists we put off we're going to do these things later but accident illness death all those things are a part of life and I think it it's simple as it sounds it's really important one of the chapters in in the book is Put Your Last Day first another chapter at the end is having have a living funeral buy the cake buy the daisies invite your family hear what they would say about you tell them how much you love them and remind yourself that life is really very short what have you seen in the people that you've coached people that you've worked with seminars for you know 25 years or more now what have you seen has allowed people to give themselves the permission to fail like where have you seen people become comfortable with discomfort and failure what has been that habit or that practice that has made them go this is okay this is normal wow I would say first of all MVP as you know in athletics MVP is most valuable player and that's an acronym I use for meditation visualization and prayer so you know I wrote the 5 am. club and for years I I get up at 5: and I do the victory hour but these days I get up at 4 and it's really beautiful for me I I live in this old farmhouse in Tuscany and I hear the roosters off in the disc dist and I hear these dogs barking and I just lay there in bed and I meditate and I visualize and I pray and it really works now it doesn't transform your life in a day what does but small daily seemingly insignificant improvements when done consistently over time and that practice of meditating on becoming less fearful visualizing yourself as the person you want to be maybe in a scenario maybe it's in a business maybe it's in a presentation maybe it's asking someone out maybe it's running a marathon or just getting to the gym seeing yourself with your eyes closed while the world is asleep and just feeling at a cellular level and the colors visualization is incredibly powerful and then prayer it's so easy to forget this time honored truth every prayer is heard and if you don't believe in God or you don't believe in spirit then I'm sure you believe in your sub subconscious and so prayer MVP is a very powerful tool second tool I call it the pre-performance paragraph So what you're right about deepens commitment what you're right about sets a default about how you're going to be so writing a paragraph is part of your morning routine in your Journal about who you want to be in that day Brave strong resilient positive writing out in detail just a paragraph is a very very powerful tool and then third thing I could continue but the third thing is you become your conversations the sixth form of wealth in the wealth money can't buy and it's form of wealth is your community you become your Social Circle it's like I don't know if you like good wine but great wine comes down to a great terroir the terar is the surrounding the ecosystem the wind the soil the sun Etc well as human beings we become our terroir and if we are around toxic people if we are around people playing victim if we are around people who stand for low standard we are around people who minimize the power of personal growth we are around people who are takers we will become the people we surround ourselves with and we could get into the science of mirror neurons which cause us to mimic our Social Circle we could talk about emotional contagion which is the scientific phenomenon of us adopting the dominant emotions of the people we are around so those would be three things the third thing is really clean out your Social Circle get rid of the toxic people I think it can change the world or be around negative people you can't do both yeah the last one's such a you know we know it to be an ageold truth yet we struggle with it so much and I always wonder why that is and before I ask you that I wanted I wanted to share yeah I find that I found that whenever I'm complaining about some in my circle I am in that process becoming more like them like I remember years ago I was complaining about someone because they always were complaining and I found myself becoming the biggest complainer I knew because I was complaining about this individual and so often we're becoming like them not because we're even mirroring them we're becoming like them because we're behaving like them subconsciously without knowing why do we find it so hard we've heard that million times why do we find it so hard to change our Circle and to transform the Tera around us like why do we struggle so badly even though we know that we are the average of the people we spend time with why is it that we're still stuck in the same circles often it's because we love them and I would I would say reason season lifetime some people come into our lives for a reason some there's that old idea which is some people come back into your life to to see if we're still stupid so you some people come into our lives for reason some people come into our lives for a season and then some people come into our lives for a lifetime like I think of my my partner L you know she's just that person who gets me that person who you know I could have 20,000 dinners with so I think we struggle because sometimes these energy vampires Jay are are parents or our sisters or our best friends and so we say well I love them that's been my friend for 10 years or five years but I would say you know if you're growing and you're reading and you're doing all these Mo modalities and you want to live a TR your richest life and you want to materialize your gifts and talents and live at your best and someone isn't growing and they're always questioning you or you say here's a new idea a project and they're just going that would never work here are the reasons Etc then you really have to ask yourself if that person is is is good for you and healthy for you and I would say if you love them maybe it's a parent then love them from afar or practice selective Association and see them once a month versus texting with them or chatting with them on the phone every day I'd say the second reason why we keep people who are not good for us or who are bringing us down in our life is the human being doesn't like to change we just don't like to change and so it's so much I would put it to you this way I would say the the discomfort of growth is always less dangerous than the illusion of security and so I would say yes it's difficult to let people go and yet that is always less dangerous than saying I'm going to allow these people to stay in my life if they're just bringing me down it's it's such an interesting thing because I often find also that we're growing in our personal growth self-development Journeys we're often becoming less compassionate in the beginning like there's a immature arrogance that develops of I'm moving faster than these people I'm better than these people I'm I'm I'm the one doing the self-work and they're not doing it and even that mindset in itself is a sign that we've got a lot more work to do because if we're working so deeply on ourselves our compassion should more likely expand and hopefully we'd have the ability to set better barriers and boundaries with those individuals and develop the idea that we can have a group of people that we grow around and then you have a group of people that you have to give too often right like I think that's what our life is made up of like life isn't just we're not just surrounded by people that help us grow because we're obviously taking from them as well and we don't want to be in a position where we're only giving we want to be able to grow so it's almost like we all have we have two sets of groups in our life at any real given time would you agree with that that or well I would just say trust trust your joy I think Joy is a great GPS and so yeah I'm not in any way suggesting be around people only who fuel you and who help you become you at your best yeah I'm simply saying it's it's about what's healthy it's about your joy it's about being around people who you Vibe with who understand you who have similar values who support you and and who encourage you so I think your community is definitely a key an absolutely key form of wealth the fifth form of wealth is the fourth excuse me is your craft and I think you know it's very easy to fall into the Trap of thinking a job is a job and not realizing that our work offers us an opportunity to get to know who we truly are you know there's a there's a chapter in there about do your project X you know which is build your and I think the world right now needs more magic in the world and I think a lot of us what we do is we try to push out a lot of content put out a lot and I would rather do one Masterwork than a thousand mediocrities and I think you know seeing your craft as a chance to change the world is is is a form of wealth what would you say to people who go Robin you know what I just want to check into my job clock my hours and come home is that okay is there a better way to live what would you say to that I'd say of course I mean the Great great thing about a human life is we all get to live in the way that we want to live i' I've never subscribed to the hustle and grind culture I think that rest is not a luxury it's a necessity I think we have to enjoy the fruits of our labor having said that I think almost in the world right now hard work has a bad reputation and and I just think that you know seeing your work as Noble seeing your work as a chance to pursue Mastery seeing your work as a chance to serve and delight and astonish is a great form it's a great form of Happiness if someone wants to say I just want to finish at five and go home that's absolutely fantastic I would humbly suggest though they might be missing one of the greatest sources of joy and well-being and inner peace if you look at people really happy people a lot of them say I would never retire why would I retire it's it's my oxygen and for me got a great family life and I I think I have a good lifestyle and yet I just what I do if this is year 31 in the field of leadership and personal development and the opportunity to calibrate the craft I spent one year of my life on this book I did 20 different manuscripts probably 10,000 little optimizations every version and I really suffered on this book and you know I I have to I it was suffering it was hard I felt like giving up I could have mailed it in the publisher would have said absolutely fine but there's a whole series of values here like my family name is on that cover I'm only as good as my last book I think you know pushing yourself to the jagged edges of your potential is how you grow and and you know this but I really feel I have a sacred trust relationship with my readers mhm and you set an intention before we started I set an intention here too which is you know to to celebrate you for all the good that you do in the world and to have this this studio full of light and also I just did a little visualization and prayer before I came over here for all the people around the millions and millions of people who listen to your show and you know as you know these are real human beings with hopes and dreams and fears and inse Securities and and I thought about as many of them as I possibly could some are at the top of the mountain some people are struggling some people are in bad relationships some people are in the relationship of their lifetime some people are starting a new tech company some people are multi-billionaires some people are entertainers some people are athletes what am I offering I'm I'm simply saying I think through our work we have a chance to change lives I was in London recently and I got into this taxi London black cab and the gentleman outside it was almost like he was on guard doing Noble work Jay his car was shining his tires were polished I walked inside the carpeting on the floor was perfect and as we went to heo I sort of tried to deconstruct his winning formula and this is on this fifth form of wealth the it's a fourth form of wealth seeing your work as your craft and he said well you know I take my job seriously it gives me so much pride I get to meet interesting people and when we got to the airport he goes look look what I do before every person comes in here and he had this shampooer and he goes look and he turned it on and he started shampooing the carpet and then he had like the Windex and and I'm just saying you know whether someone is a CEO or a billionaire or a famous tycoon or a p maker or a yoga teacher or an astronaut work has incredible potential to help us build intimacy with our Mastery but also give us incredible fulfillment so it's a form of wealth you know what I love hearing that because I had personal experience of it as well just last week so last week was one of my my best friend's birthday he was in town and so I took him and a friend to Disneyland uh you know which is not a couple of hours away for his birthday and it was amazing we were fortunate enough to you know have a have a a private guide like a a tour tour guide her name was Lexi and I have not met someone this like just for a long time I'd not met someone who was like that passionate knowledgeable smart charismatic about their work she knew every detail of history of the Walt Disney park right she knew everything she knew where Walt Disney had spent time she knew what year that ride was built she knew the little Easter eggs and the hidden stories about every single ride like it was just spectacular to be around her and to learn from her and when you're talking about mastering your craft I was so amazed at how you know 26 years old like fully mastered the craft of hospitality tour guide entertainment knowledge smarts and I said to her at the end of the day because we were just so happy with the experience I said I said you're going to run that Park one day like you have that energy like you're going to run that Park one day and she said you know she said to me afterwards she was like it's experiences like this that give me joy for what I do and I was just thinking how special it was to experience that I love what I do but to feel that from someone it was it was amazing so shout out to Lexi if you're listening but uh it was it was such a beautiful experience and I think that what's happened I feel Robin I know you work in leadership you worked with so many organizations all across the world world like I think for so long because culture perpetuates and Cascades down because you've seen the person above you not love what they do and not master their craft but do the job you then do the job and don't master your craft and then the person who's coming up Beneath You sees the same thing and then we repeat that culture because we see it being rewarded we don't see what you just said you just gave this beautiful example of you know it took you a while to write this book you suffered to this book it was it was hard work to put it together and you said I'd rather create a Mastery than lots of mediocrities but we see mediocrity being celebrated and rewarded and masterpieces generally are hard to find these days right because of the amount of consumption and the amount of creation and so it almost feels that we have to be able to break generational Cycles or break the generational curses or break multigenerational culture how do we get the courage to do that when we see everyone doing the opposite around us well I I think there's a few things that come to mind and the first thing is you know I I love going to art galleries me too and I am absolutely inspired I don't know if all your viewers can see but there's that almost looks like a Basia behind me you know so I'm just I'm an aesthet that's a French word as you know for a lover of beauty and this is not expensive Beauty necessarily I love the beautiful flower I love going to art galleries and seeing the work of the Masters and I often I here in La the other day I went to a whole bunch of Galleries and I was around Sable yes oh I love sa I was around for you know and I I just love these amazing whether it's a oh I went to Basia I don't know if you've seen the Basia inan please please go and what I'm offering is don't do it don't do beautiful work for the Applause the Applause will come as a byproduct do beautiful do your most beautiful work work hard on it calibrate it make it magic see your work work as part of a magic shop for what it introduces you to within yourself and even if no one sees it I think about Vincent vano one of the greatest artists of all time he sold two paintings so he didn't do it for the money he didn't do it for the fame fortune and adoration he did it because he had to do it and he did it because he was an Explorer he was a magician it it did something inside him that made him feel very good I think about JD Salinger one of my favorite books is catcher and the Ry Jay he only wrote one book and then he checked out into a Subterranean Passage in New Hampshire and he probably wrote I think was 30 other books but he never published one of them so how do you develop this kind of a philosophy well you stop plugging into the cultural majority and doing what everyone is doing and you do you take a radical act and you start thinking for yourself and I think that's the power of the eight forms of wealth the book is based around it's a framework it's a Mount Everest for the eight most important elements of a life well- lived doesn't mean you're going to do them all in a day but every day you advance on growth on Wellness on family on Craft on money on community on adventure and on service and you start to think for yourself and I guess what I'm trying to say is you start to live your own life versus your neighbor's life and I think that's a a powerful way to live no one wants to get to our last day and say we lived like the tribe we lived like our neighbors I there's a an acronym in the book called penum The Five forces of penum parents environment Nation associations and media these five forces program us and here's what they do they cause us to forget who we truly are and so I think we're born into genius and then we resign ourselves into ordinary and we become busy being busy and we're playing with our phones and we're doing what everyone else is doing but deep inside we have a voice voice of wisdom that sees the self- Betrayal and we're in pain because potential unexpressed turns to pain so we're in pain but we don't know it and so that's why we medicate ourselves with too much phone too much digital too much work too much scrolling too much gossiping because we don't like ourselves for sure well said I mean one of the it's so funny to say that one of the things I work on with my clients that I work with privately will uh I'll ask them to we've write a book for them which is called their book of values and it's a book of values mindsets habits that they practice we design the cover we print the book only one copy and they carry it around with them in their bag wherever they go so wherever they go in the world they can pull it out and whenever they forget all the self-work they've been doing they can look back at a guide book for themselves and I always tell them we're only ever going to publish one of these it doesn't get shown to your family it doesn't go to your friends it's not something you have to promote you don't Market it it stays with them and I was inspired by it because I remember reading uh Benjamin Franklin's uh 13 virtues to me that was the idea of it is like how could you have a book that you carried around that represented you that held your identity that made you like yourself because that's who you were but you often had to remind yourself of who you were while you caught in the penum uh you know the the Five Points you just mentioned now and and and I think that idea that and anyone can do that you don't have to be well known to do that you don't have to be successful to know that I know you talk about the value of journaling like that's what a journal is it's it's a space where you carry around your heart uh if you see it that way right you carry around your thoughts and you can re-edit and you know systemize your thoughts and make sense of them uh and and one of the things I've been hearing from a lot of people recently is this thought of like realizing they need to rewire their relationship with money people have either been trained to believe that money is bad money is evil money doesn't buy happiness money is the root of all evil money will make you lose friends there's so many statements about money that have been programmed into our penum whether it was our parents whether it was media as you said you know all the others that have programed us and all of a sudden you get to a point in life where you realize well now I just have unhealthy beliefs about money so whether I have it or I don't I don't have a healthy relationship how do you start rewiring that I if I could before I answer that you talked about something that I think is so important your the book you do with your clients yeah and I think that speaks to something that is so essential in the world right now which is Solitude I think genius loves isolation I think we are so in the world right now and there's so much noise we can't hear the signal and so I think spending some time every day alone is so powerful whether it is in a journal whether it is on a nature walk whether it is one of the chapters in the in the craft section is go ghost for a year take one year go to Bali go to Vietnam go to medin go to Stockholm leave your phone take the classic read them study them learn MVP meditation visualization and prayer take long walks and get lost talk to strangers find yourself and after that year or six months or three months come back to the world reconnected with who you truly are so I think being alone and going ghost is important so you talk about how do we rewire our relationship with money I think the DNA of transformation is awareness so it's it's the process of first of all realizing that my money is something but it's not everything so our society says measure your success by your net worth in many ways that's how Society tells us to think we pedestal the billionaire we don't put the gardener or the teacher or the firefighter on the front cover of the magazine so understanding that money is not everything and it won't be the source of your Jo like I've I I've met so many people have sold their companies I had I think one person in particular he said we we had a liquidity event we were waiting for the funds to wire into the account my whole family was sitting around the table we watch the funds go into the account and he goes it went into the account and I didn't feel any different and it's that Zen proverb wherever you go there you are so realizing that trap number two realizing of course money's important gets you better way to journey through life and in some ways less stress you can do great things for your family you can help people in need you can get things that that you like there's nothing wrong with material objects but not defining Yourself by your art collection not defining Yourself by your net worth because then that becomes just another drug of choice so it's what I was saying earlier which is making money Prosperity is a wonderful thing I mean if you look at the universe there's no scarcity there's flowers everywhere and there's clouds and there's there's so much the universe is abundant so there's nothing wrong with abundant forms of money I don't think we need to make it bad at all but not being not using it and having it as our God to the point where actually we become so busy chasing money we forget about the other seven forms of wealth we forget about our family forget about our Wellness what's the point there's there's one wisdom tradition they say when we are young we would sacrifice our health for wealth and when we get old and wise we would sacrifice all of our wealth for one day of good health so making money is not at all a bad thing but let's not sacrifice the other seven mountaintops that are important for a truly well-lived life yeah having a more expans definition is so required because we're often also only measuring our success in life and happiness based on that one metric I think that measurement piece is so interesting because I was saying to a friend a couple of years ago he really slowed down from his work because he fell in love and he found love and he's gone on to get engaged to that individual and at some point soon they'll get married and he always felt that that year was such a wasted year in his life because he was looking at it through the lens of the business didn't progress the you know my financial life didn't progress and I I've said to him so many times I said that was one of the best investments of your life because you found love like you'll look back at that year as the best year of your life of all time but if you're only measuring your success and I was like you have no idea how that stability is going to impact your career in the next few years you could have been distracted looking for love for the next 5 years and your work would have been distracted here you are you found love in one year and now look you you'll have that stability and it's so interesting what we measure makes such a difference and I like that you're giving us eight things to measure as opposed to one thing and then you start to realize how rich you truly are because no eight are going to align every year anyway these are eight priorities of of a truly great life and you talk about that love story you know H how rich how wealthy are those are those two people I even think about the times that we are dealing with heartbreak you know the times we are dealing with tragedy the ego says this is a waste of time the ego says I should be productive what's more productive than navigating hard times and using the painful moments to introduce us to our strengths using the difficulty to make us wiser to teach us forgiveness to help us learn the great human virtues of patience and understanding so I think it's our ego that tells us oh we're wasting time if we're building love we're wasting time if we're healing we're wasting time if we're going through a hard season on our journey but it's all Grist for the mill you know I think the person who experiences the most wins and work is important but let's not confuse productivity with busy and let's not confuse movement with progress and I think a great human life has many different seasons and many different elements and maybe there's a time for each of them absolutely you you talk about knowing your scarcity scars this one really resonated with me because I think we don't realize what a scarcity mindset we've built up over time in all of these areas I don't deserve love I manifest bad health I must be going to get sick I'm going to ruin this and throw it all away like these are repetitive thoughts in people's minds in scarcity in each of these areas that you break down as the eight priorities somewhere deep inside of ourselves we believe we don't deserve Career Success love success Wellness success craft I could never be good enough to do that that's for special people that's for the Kobe Bryant Michael Jordan that's not that's not for me like those people mastered their craft so these scarcity scars that exist how do you even develop the idea that your scarcity scar doesn't have to be your reality forever so there's an idea that I share called recruit a dead board of directors and recruiting a dead board of directors is about the power of mentors and all it takes is one conversation with an interesting person to revolutionize the way we see the world and we talked about the penm programming the five forces in so many ways we adopt the when we're little kids we have these social cues and we watch and listen to how our parents see the world and that's what parents do they teach us how the world works and for a lot of parents they teach us scarcity money doesn't grow on trees I had one client his father repeated over and over and over again all rich people are liars cheats and thieves MH how many times do parents say uh that's a great idea you want to be in the NBA or you want to be a painter you want to be a bestselling author you want to be a billionaire be reasonable makes me think of George Bernard Shai said the reasonable man adapts himself to the world the unreasonable one persists in adopting the world to himself therefore all progress depends on the Unreasonable Man so what is recruiting a dead board of directors all about well it's like if you can't have a mentor who's a possibilitarian and who mentors you and teaches you how to do it then find some dead people through their books that influence you and so how do we heal these these scars well we realize that genius is less about genetics and it's more about your daily habits you know if you look at the people we put on pedestals the hey Mars The Great actors the great athletes Aristotle oases Nelson Mandela one of my greatest heroes in in my life and you read their biographies these people are all Cut From the Same Cloth as as we are you know the the the story of human greatness is all about people from ordinary circumstances wiring in new habits taking risks get knock getting knocked out so much and being and being resilient so I think having a dead board I even think of Kobe you know you mentioned Kobe so he actually said you know I got in the NBA and I thought everyone would want to be best in the world and want to be iconic and he said I realize a lot of people got in the NBA and that was their badge of honor they were good and they just started partying and they might do one workout every day and he said I realize that if I got up at 3:00 every morning practiced from 4:00 to 6:00 went home had breakfast Etc went back did another workout 11:00 to noon went home had some lunch recovered rested did another workout went home had dinner and did a fourth workout to use his words after a period of four or five years I would develop an advantage so great that no one would ever catch up so all I'm saying is people whose lives we want to be living they're not cut from some magical cloth you know scarcity scars like the richest people I mentioned Aristotle Onasis he started with $250 but they're just doing a series of practices and they're adopting different ways of seeing the world and they're not playing victim and giving away their power to external things and steadily through time they build the lives that we now admire well said I the reason why that resonates so strongly with me I've I've often said and I love your language around it I've often said that I've been mentored by people I've never met because I had the fortune of reading Martin Luther King when I was young reading Steve Jobs you know when Walter isacson wrote His Brilliant book on Steve Jobs reading uh Einstein you know it's just it's amazing that we're so obsessed with what people think of us as opposed to how people lived and it's we think a mentor is about who can give me direct advice and we're so interested in advice as opposed to you can actually study the action that that dead board of directors did in that scenario how did they deal with stress how did they deal with pressure how do they deal with failure how did they deal with success like what did they do like it's so great to have a dead board of directors I love that language because you can actually study the actions not just the advice and we often get so lost in advice that we miss out and realizing Its Behavior change its action it's its habit change as you're saying that really makes the shifts in our life and you mentioned this earlier I wanted to come back to it was this three great friends rule and I love that you talk about having three great friends I heard recently somewhere I can't remember I was I was browsing on social media and someone said you need 300 a.m. friends as well like friends you can call at 3:00 a.m. and they'll pick up the phone how do you know what is the quality of a great long-term friend what what is a great friend I'm not sure we even know anymore a great friend is someone you can be yourself with and they still love you great friend is I I had a line in the book you know you're in a foreign country and 3:00 a.m. they hop on a plane and they come get you a great friend is someone who you can laugh with great friend is someone who you're going through your most difficult times and they'll listen to you for hours a great friend is um yeah someone who who accepts you someone who helps you be seen a great friend is someone who when you're with them you feel joyful versus depleted so I think it's really important you know in this world where we are maximalists we want we want to be all things to all people we want to have so many different friends focus on three great friends we want to read a hundred books Master Three Books maybe it's Jobs's isaacson's Autobiography on jobs like you mentioned maybe it's the Prophet by KH Jon maybe it's The Giving Tree by shell Silverstein maybe it's meditations of Marcus aurelus one of my favorite books of all time you know but I think just being a minimalist is is so powerful build your life around a few things even in work I mentioned it rather than pushing out a thousand pieces of mediocrity do one thing incredibly well you know even if it takes five years 10 years there's a chapter called make your Project X in the wealth money Camp by and the example is the duo in Milan you how long they spent on it in this world where we want to do something in an hour and they get the Rewards or maybe a week maybe a month it took 600 years to create the Domo that these are values of a unspoken age 600 years of calibrating refining optimizing to create the Domo and so that's what a Project X is rather than doing lots of things you do one thing maybe it's one work of art Michelangelo took four years of working on the Chapel of the cinee ceiling but he got the job done so minimalism is is very very powerful m M and one of the things you said that this idea of we're almost trying to be so many things to so many people that it's hard to find the right friends one of the things you talk about is do not be a doormat and I find that that becomes that peop pleasing mentality that ability to I can mold and I can be whatever you want me to be and I can be lots of things and we feel validated that way but in the end we're just becoming ad dorat everyone crosses over ad dorat and AD dmat welcomes everyone in the same way so when I read that I was like how do we be kind but not be a doormat how do we be service oriented but not be a doormat how do we balance that art of Being welcoming but not being a doormat well I you know for for many years like you Jay I've talked about the power of just being of being kind you know and it sounds so simple but being kind staying in a hotel remembering there's someone going to clean my room after I leave the room so put the bath the towels in the bathtub straighten out the bed leave the room service tray clean little acts of kindness not only are a gift you give to someone else it's a gift you give to yourself you respect yourself more so then people come sometimes say to me well if I'm kind people will take advantage of me and I would say people will only take advantage of you if you allow people to take advantage of you let's not confuse kindness with weakness there is a time to always be kind but that doesn't mean you let people walk over you and that makes me think of another idea that I write about which is the importance of you know in this world right now it's so easy to live the same year 80 times and call it a life and there's one chapter called be a perfect moment Creator and the story I tell him there is of Eugene Kelly o Kelly excuse me and eugo Kelly used to be the former CEO of KPMG the accounting Behemoth and one day he walked into his doctor's office to get the results of a routine medical and the doctor came out with an expression you never want to see on the face of your doctor when you go to get your results and he was told he had 90 days left to live he had an inoperable brain tumor so confronted with his mortality he realized for the first time he had never in all his years as a corporate Titan he' never taken his wife to lunch he had missed so many Christmas concerts of his daughter he had never spent time with his friends walking through Central Park and having conversations and so he decided to re-engineer his last 90 days and he said I wanted to become a perfect moment Creator and he spent those last 90 days he actually died roughly 90 days after um the report from his doctor but I think that's so powerful you know when you're with your family when you're with your work when you're with yourself each and every day find some way to create a perfect moment maybe it's giving a gift to someone through a compliment maybe it's taking some time to do something that fills you with joy but being a perfect moment Creator I think is a form of wealth money camp byy for sure uh Robin I have one last question for you which I think is such a interesting challenge for so many people right now your rule is see anothers winning as your Victory and I think we live in a world right now where seeing other people winning is we take it as a reflection of our losing right we see others winning as a reflection of us being inadequate we see someone winning as a feeling of we're behind we see someone else winning as a feeling of there's not enough space it's too consumed it's there's there's too many podcasts in the world there's too many books in the world there's too many Instagram Reals in the world like how can I do anything like if that person's winning then they've taken my spot we live in a world believing that there's a finite number of seats in the theater of happiness and in the theater of dreams and that there isn't a seat with our name on it rather than seeing another's Victory as our own how do we train ourselves to do that well this is such an absolutely important point and you're right a lot of us look on one of the social media feeds and we see someone and as we all know a lot of that isn't real so that's the first thing we don't know the truth of how someone's really living the second thing I would say is you do want to train yourself to see someone's Victory as an example of possibility and you want to train yourself and how do you do it MVP meditation visualization and prayer prayer is very powerful you know or when you're writing write about your insecurities write about how you're feeling when you see someone else winning you know metabolize the feelings of inferiority by noticing them by journaling about them simply by sitting with them processing through that's how you move through as you know so well how do you move through a feeling of insecurity not enoughness you acknowledge it and you don't give away your power you don't make excuses you don't throw rocks at those people you go what is it about their winning that is bringing up my in not enoughness and you work through that not enoughness through journaling through meditation through prayer through silence Through Stillness through nature walks and so I think if we can train ourselves to say wow that person is doing so well and applaud them and feel good for them and say if they can do what I can do it I think we're going to be much more peaceful I would also say about the podcast someone is going to launch a new podcast that is going to do incredibly well why not you someone is going to write that new bestseller tomorrow that is going to dominate the list why not you someone is going to launch that new business that's going to change the world why not you and then the last thing I'd say about is we all know but this kind of a way of being where we see someone else's success as something that brings out you know like we have resentment for it is coming from a place of great scarcity and fear versus generosity and if we are stuck in scarcity then we're never going to bring our magic to the world we're operating I mean everything we do reflects who we are and if we're in scarcity and we're really it's it's about jealousy and if we're feeling jealous at someone else's Victory then it has nothing to do with them we need to work through our feelings of jealousy until we get to our next level of Consciousness and ution I think it's a great opportunity to see what other people success bring up for us Robin Sharma everyone the book is called the wealth money can't buy the eight hidden habits to live your richest life Robin I'm so grateful for your time your energy for pouring into this book for us picking some of my favorites today but like I said there is so much in this book to unpack please tag me and Robin on Instagram on X on Tik Tok on any platform you use on social media with your greatest insights the chap that are speaking to you take pictures of the book and post them and tag us so that we can see which moments inside this book are resonating with you strongly and which ones you're trying to apply and as Robin beautifully said it's not about reading a 100 books this year about three that you can Master if we can learn to master the wealth money come by uh it will hold such a deep and profound impact in our life that we'll value 30 years from now 50 years from now uh Robin thank you so much again for your time your energy your presence always grateful to be with you and I'm so grateful that you put this book together thank you so much for your time Jay keep changing the world and uh really a joy to see you again if you love this episode you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion my fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of the more that I face my fears the more that I feel I'm gaining strength I'm gaining wisdom and I just want to keep doing that

Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast

Views: 231,196

Keywords: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty Podcast, Jay Shetty Interview, On Purpose Podcast, Jay Shetty Inspiration, Jay Shetty Motivation, Jay Shetty Video, Self help, Self improvement, Self development, entrepreneur, success habits, purpose podcast, Jay Shetty relationships, robin sharma, robin sharma jay shetty, personal growth, life hacks, forms of wealth, diary of a ceo, robin sharma diary of a ceo, relationship with money, money trauma, happiness expert, how to be happy

Id: -O9j0Hnw7NA

Length: 62min 32sec (3752 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 08 2024