Cynthia Erivo ON: How To Find Your PASSION & Get 1% BETTER Everyday | Jay Shetty

what is supposed to be for you will come to you and if it wasn't meant to come to you it won't you are good enough the best-selling author and host the number one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with Jay Shetty hey everyone welcome back to on purpose the number one Health and Wellness podcast in the world thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen learn and grow I'm so grateful for our incredible Community here the incredible response we've received to the episodes of late has just been unbelievable whether it's you sharing your greatest lesson on Instagram or some of you making videos about episodes on Tick Tock or sharing a tweet it really means the world to me to see how many things you're changing about your mindset and your lifestyle in order to live healthier more healed happier lives and today I'm speaking to a guest who I've interviewed very briefly before I was doing a Facebook audio room called safe space and this was during the pandemic and I got to connect with this guest and since that day I have not stopped thinking about or quoting this conversation to people so when people say to me like oh who's the most interesting person you've interviewed recently this person's name comes up a million times in conversation and I'll talk about her creative process and how she gets into character and I've I've rarely had that feeling where I think someone's words stay with me for that long I'm always blown away by my guests but for things to stay with me repetitively and then we've kept in touch we've had we've had a few messages back and forth but today finally got to meet her I'm speaking about the one and only Cynthia arivo Grammy Emmy and Tony award-winning actress singer and producer as well as an Academy Award Golden Globe and sag nominee Cynthia burst onto the West End and Broadway stages in the color purple and has since taken the World by storm Cynthia was recently nominated for a sag and Emmy Award for her critically acclaimed portrayal of Aretha Franklin in National Geographic's Emmy winning Global Anthology series genius Aretha if you've not seen it I highly recommend it uh Cynthia will hit the screen in early September with Disney's live action retelling of Pinocchio my favorite story growing up I can't wait uh and Cynthia will take on the iconic role of the Blue Fairy how cool uh Cynthia was the lead in the HBO series The Outsider and Cynthia starred in Harriet where she brought the legacy of Harriet come into the big screen I actually don't know anyone who's played this many iconic people in their lifetime usually just get one go and and Cynthia's just taking them all up uh Cynthia lent her voice to the movie's title song stand up which he co-wrote stand up won best original song at the Hollywood Music In Media Awards and both Cynthia and stand up were nominated for two Academy Awards as well as two Golden Globe Awards in the categories of best actress in a motion picture drama and best original song Stand Up also received a nomination for a Grammy award in the category of best song written for visual media please welcome to the show Cynthia ariva Cynthia it is awesome good to see you it's good to see you I know and even the first few moments we've had yeah you know there's something about hearing a British accent you know it's like brings your home doesn't it oh it's yes man I feel so like embraced yeah I just heard your voice come up the hill when you were coming up and I was like oh that sounds familiar like I'm growing up like I've just gone back to being a teenager yeah do I make you feel that way yeah like whenever I hear because you know for all intents and purposes this is home but whenever I hear an accent that's that sounds like where I'm from it makes it even more home it's like oh I reckon I really recognize that I feel like oh that's a warm hug yeah hello yes do I still have it though that's I know you do okay that's good yeah I always get worried I feel like you're probably bringing out more of me I I always feel like I'm I'm quite the chameleon sometimes with my yeah my wife always makes fun of me because she's like every time you talk to one of our family in India you just put on an Indian accent and they do it really unknowingly I do it as like I think we we each have depending on where we're from we have like traces of of what that is so I know that when I'm talking to my Nigerian friends we've been listening to that accent since we were kids so it's not that we aren't we don't have the accent it's sort of like embedded on our brains so it just comes out when we're we're together it's sort of like the comfortability of it comes out so I think it's the same as when we're around other English people the comfortability of speaking with an English accent yes comes to life there are times when I have to sort of like shift certain words whenever I'm I'm speaking to other American people there are words that get um sort of misunderstood yeah so I might say one thing and they'll be like what does that mean so I'll find the American version of that word and repeat it and there are times when I've had to change the accent to make sure that we're both understanding We Get Lost in Translation yeah so I totally understand why you it might be stronger when you're speaking to me because now you don't have to make it any milder because you know that I'll understand everything you say absolutely yeah there was this I remember when he first moved here my wife would be at the grocery store and she'd be like can I get a tin of beans please like what's a TIN it's a candy and yeah she's like where's the tin of this and the tin of that and then there was the one that I always I I started changing my language from being pounds to dollars and so it would have been a video or an interview yeah I'd be saying dollars yeah and then all my all my Brit friends in the comments section would be like oh we see where you are now like you know you let us know so yeah what what was your your stock wall right yes I was in North London so I grew up in like wood green Tottenham area like that was where I grew up what's something that we kind of moved to the states around the same time we just found out what's something that you miss about London but you love about la I love the sunshine in la I love that there's there's it's so bright a lot of the time and the that it's warm a lot of the time but there is something really wonderful about the way the weather changes in London in the UK the way you get the seasons obviously I miss family I don't get to see them as often as as I would do if I was there and like silly things like biscuits because biscuits here are very different to biscuits there which ones are your favorite biscuits um digestives digestives or like hobnobs oh yeah yeah I used to have Rich tea yeah you know the the the round ones or the pencil the ones yeah or whatever that those ones are so good yeah like little things like that you just sort of like Miss lays also are not the same as Walkers yes Walkers are really good these are good too but all of Walker's packets are good you have to find like the right yeah like you know silly things like that yeah exactly yeah no I love talking about it because it's same for me it's interesting you said that I think I often feel that sometimes when I'm back in England I was like oh you live in Hollywood now and you live in L.A and I'm like well no to me I live in L.A because the weather's incredible and I love waking up to a blue sky every day yeah and I love the fact that I can go on a hike yeah yeah right here yeah and be in nature I I hike for about two miles every day yeah around my home and it's just I I love that I never could have done that in London I never did and at the same time I miss a lot of I miss going to watch a football match because I love football and so for me being able to go to going to watch a game yeah and like feeling the energy of the fans yeah yeah uh it's it's it's special there's like a special Vibe around it but what I like to do on purpose is I like to dive into people's Journeys people's stories parts of them we're not we're not following a linear or you know we're not trying to do a bio biographical piece but I love diving into stuff and I saw that you went to a Roman Catholic school going on yeah yeah how is that influence now when you look back who you are today positive things that were challenging like how do you grapple with that today what does it feel like growing up and going to Roman Catholic school there's a girls school too all girls school yeah it's strange because I never really felt like I totally fit in there I believe in God but that's sort of upbringing felt really restrictive it's so rules based that you sort of Miss the the most important parts of what that faith is supposed to be about and I've kind of let a lot of the Roman Catholic side of me go just so that I create I could create space for me to form my my own understanding of what my faith should Encompass right now I'm really clear on the fact that the most important part of my faith is to be as loving and kind to people to the world around me not just people but I have two dogs so I can't take care of them in the most loving way because I want that to come back to me so I believe things are really cyclical so if you give out something good that good will come back you might not see it immediately but somehow it finds its way back to you it's like a boomerang you know and I think that that is really the most important part of the of my faith and I sort of encouraged myself to really take in what is around me so that I can appreciate the wonderful things that come you know the fact that I can get up in the morning and go for a run and it's really sunny and I as I pass by there are two when I today when I ran there were two women who stopped and they I saw them as they passed by they smiled and I was like that's lovely of them smiling and I ran back and somehow managed to meet them again how I don't know I ran three miles I you know just did a quick 5K but somehow on my way back we met in exactly the same place and they stopped and I stopped and they just were like we were just really impressed we didn't know what you what are you running for was I running for the marathon I was like oh okay great and just those little interactions are really special because well we don't know how either one of us is going to influence our day and to be able to stop and have that conversation with the person and smile at someone and you know have something positive means that we've put something positive into each other and I think that that is really what it is about for me and I I understand that everyone has their own understanding of Faith but for me Roman Catholicism sort of doesn't give us the space to embrace all of that it's always really interesting hearing someone's reflection in in hindsight yeah because I don't know how it felt at that time whether it felt the same way but I went to an all-boy school so I went to Queen Elizabeth's boys school and Barnet and I I used to take like a 45 minute bus or to an hour bus sometimes just to get there every day my parents had worked really hard for me to prepare for exams to get into this school and it wasn't private but it was a great education and at the time it's like all of us didn't want to go there because it was so strict it was so like disciplined yeah but I found a few teachers there that kind of had this openness yeah and so I had my art teacher at the time Mr buckridge who who's still there I believe and we keep in touch now and again but he just helped me think so differently so in this space where there were like rules and discipline yeah there was a teacher who just kind of just knew how to navigate enough where you were in the rules but not too much yeah yeah yeah and he helped me so much with my thought process and my mindset and now when I look back I'm really grateful that I have this really beautiful experience where I feel like I have equal parts discipline right and equal parts Artistry yeah and I really embraced those two sides I was wondering with you like you you're right yeah yeah you're very right actually you really wrote about that that there is that sort of like tandem of of discipline and an Artistry my favorite music teacher actually my music teacher and a French teacher for some reason sort of stuck to me um Miss rycroft and Madame shesley they both just wanted me to Blossom as a creative Madam chairs they wouldn't let me get away without speaking some sort of French to her all the time and now I love the language very much so and Miss rycraft made me learn every kind of instruments I could possibly put my hands on and seeing everything I could possibly seeing in but it also gave me the discipline of wanting to learn wanting to to be as good as I want to be at these particular subjects and you're right in that there is a wonderful sort of melding of creativity and discipline that has definitely influenced how I live and how I've lived so far yeah I was thinking that with you because when you brought up running yeah you've got to be really disciplined and when I see your stories I'll post with you running I literally I'm like I'm an anxiety like I'm like I am so glad I was like I'm becoming friends with Cynthia I hope but as long as she doesn't invite me on a run we're good like she wants to do a hike I could do that but it's like you require this requires so much discipline so much energy and that's that's what we're running first and then we'll move into your Artistry but when you look at how much you're running you just said you run a half marathon half marathon uh over the weekend and then at this every day is about eight miles except for today which is supposed to be a break day so I did 5K and then on the weekend it's 16 to 18. and how do you find time for this in between roles and prep and like oh is this something that continues it just goes on like I I've I've been running since I was 20. my first marathon was 2016. I think I had one mini break in between I was I remember I was in Atlanta and just decided let me get back to it and haven't stopped since then it's an ongoing Journey that teaches you about discipline your stamina how your mind works how you psych yourself out sometimes how you can boy yourself and lift yourself up and I gain so much from it believe me there are days when I do not want to get outside or on a treadmill and do any of it but that also is a moment for me to sort of learn there are days when yes it's good to stop take a second and not do the run today but other days it's how can I overcome this moment where I'm like truly not wanting to do it and those days when I'm able to overcome those moments when I'm like I do not want to do this often are the days when the runs are the best which is very strange yeah um but I love it um it has provided space to think it's provided moments where I've made friends along along the way people are now used to seeing me do certain routes so I always bump into people and I say hello and it just it gives me a lot the physical aspect is yes your body loves it it's great to work out but it's more a mental thing than than anything else distance running really is more mental Than Physical because once your physical is done if you get to 18 past half marathon it really is sort of like okay mind how how will you get past the rest of this yeah and that's always a really wonderful sort of Adventure yeah yeah have you felt that that approach to anxiety and psyching yourself out have you feel that become applied to life through that process of running like yeah could you give us an example of how that because honestly it's those days are the step-by-step days that's that's what I call them you just take one step then take the next step and take the next and the next and the next and you'll realize at some point you're running that's and that's essentially what happens with me with other things this is a silly example I had to redo my closet everything was taken out of it and I've had to put it all back together again and when I first looked at this task it just looked Mammoth I was like there's no way I'm gonna get this back in order again and I looked at it and would go away and go I'm not this it's not going to get done I can't do it I can't do it and then one day I just said just start just start to start nothing else after that if you just start something will get done even if even if it's like one small section you will have started and the next day just start again yeah it's the same for if I'm learning a piece or a song that just won't stay I'll just start learn the first line and just keep going over the first line and sooner or later the first line will be in there and you'll want to go into the next line will you do a piece or uh you're playing a character you just can't understand just read the lines read the lines find out what other people are saying find out what the journey is and then sooner or later you'll want to get to know this character now the way to get to know this character is probably to learn the character and when you learn the character well you've learned the character now you know it all these sort of little mountains or trials they're just they aren't always easy but if you just start you might be able to get over them yeah even when we're running hills I never look at the and you know sometimes you're told look straight ahead I always look at the bit in front of me my eyes are never pointed upward when I'm walking up a hill I'm always like if I can just get my foot in front of this next foot and if I could just keep going Bit by Bit by Bit a sooner or later when I look up I'll be at the top of the hill and that's always what's happened and it's one thing that doesn't that keeps me from stopping in the middle of a hill I just keep going one foot in the front of the other my eyes are pointed downwards because I know that there's only one foot that keep can the same the only thing that can happen is I'm gonna put my foot in front of my foot again and then eventually the hill sort of flattens out and you're like oh I got there I made it okay yeah I'll keep going it's good yeah yeah that's that's so powerful I love that perspective because I think you are right there we've kind of been trained in Society tonight look at the goal yeah look at the Target yeah figure out the end point yeah and you're so right that if you ever try and run or whatever you do whether it's hiking or anything swimming or whatever if you're looking at the end constantly right you'll keep measuring how far you are away from exactly I know that I don't run anywhere close to as much as you do but when I have ever run before when I have looked at the end I'm just like how am I gonna get so far away I'm still so far away okay I'll get to that point and then I'll walk and then you know whatever and then you start negotiating with yourself right rather than if you you are just looking at it it's the same when we were taught to meditate as monks I lived as a monk for three years when we were trained in that practice uh we always meditated on beads and you get this beautiful set of beads I still have them today and there's 108 of them which is a sacred number and you're told to just focus on one bead at a time right and the mind is like oh I've got to go 108 beads and got to do this multiple times and whatever it is and so we were talking no just one beat at a time one step at a time one you know and just start I loved that as I love that as a view of like just start today and then you thank yourself later you'll figure it out I can't tell you how many times people have asked how do you how do you even do that how do you run so much I like I want to start and I'm not sure what to do and how like I'm never going to be able to run that that distance no one is asking you to run that distance just go outside and start yeah that's it put in your sneakers even if you only make it to the door that's more than you did yesterday yes and then maybe you'll make it in front of the door tomorrow and then maybe you'll make it just down your street that is a run yeah five minutes of running is a run yes it doesn't need to be half an hour an hour two hours fight two minutes is a run yeah just start just a little bit is enough and then you'll find more later you'll find that you are asking your mind is asking your body is asking for a little bit more because the five minutes that you did is now well I can do that I'll do more then absolutely were you always athletic like was that always a part of your life growing up like yeah I've always I've always been athletic whether it be dance or sport I was a sprinter when I was younger that's what I sort of wanted to do and then my very first sort of distance around was a 5K and it was for cancer research and I just wanted to do something and I saw this run happening uh in a park nearby and I started doing it and I don't know I sort of was telling myself that oh I can't run outside I'm not going to be able to and then I just figured it out I just wanted I'll just find a route and and that sort of what happened and I haven't really stopped since then yeah when when you apply that to your career now did little Cynthia ever think that you know and I don't want to simplify and I'm very careful about this I never like to simplify someone's success to external accomplishments and awards but did little Cynthia like growing up in Stockwell like you know and you look at the journey you've been on and you know Emmy Grammy Tony they just you and and more importantly you've paid iconic people who who transformed culture and your work is educating people on these incredible personalities that history can try to forget or doesn't know enough about or doesn't know the depth of the story like what would little Cynthia say to you now like looking at all of that like who believed in you back then like was there did your parents did your family like who who knew this was possible did anyone my mum believed in me um sort of from the beginning she she knew when I was a kid that that was sort of what I was gonna do apparently I would hum when I ate so she she was like it's probably going to be a singer or an actor so that sort of like it was a came at no surprise to her that this is what I sort of wanted to do in my sister you know has always been around for everything that's happened to her she's always believed in it and has come to some of the shows and seen some things and you know I have really wonderful friends um one of my friends Capri Hakeem who I've known for almost 17 or 18 years at this point has just always been there and like always has gotten it and believed in me and I have some really incredible friends who I'm getting to watch do amazing things now as well but they also believe in me and I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by some wonderful people little Cynthia believed in herself although I'm not entirely sure that she knew how much was coming yeah um she sort of kept her head down and just was like well I'll do that it was also it was a game of like I'll try this oh okay I'll do that no I'm game to like I'll do some backing vocals for this person I'll go and sing at this sort of club and do all those things and I'll try this young actors course and there's just like a it's a combination of yes hard work but also loving the adventure and wanting to try new things and wanting to not miss out on something if I if I don't enjoy you know yeah I think that she would probably pack me on the back and give me the mischievous look that I give most people when I'm like that's good and be really really happy and then she'd be like what else are we gonna do yeah what else can we do that's awesome yeah I love that and and it's so I I actually realize it's more and more that a lot of people that I speak to did have people that believed in them like there was that and I and I love hearing that I think it's important to normalize that too where it's like hey if you believe in your kids it's great that's good it's good yeah you should yeah yeah you should and then if there's people out there who grew up with parents who didn't believe in them yeah that's great you became resilient that way but it's beautiful to hear that there's two ways yeah there's not like this oh well you you should have had everyone telling you you were never gonna make it and that's the only way and you're like actually I had really good friends around me yeah yeah you know and and I think I just sort of like have been consistently sort of finding my tribe and finding people who who are challenging me and wanting me to to keep being better and keep doing things that are different and then there are those friends who are just we're here when you want to have like a normal day and a cup of tea and like sit down and chat and we need both and I I love that balance because it is kind of what life is made of there's no there's never always just the one way to be yeah and I think both influence the other yeah yeah you've you've been known for playing so many iconic people now when was a role where a role that you've played that you feel you loved but it wasn't as well known or it was something that maybe wasn't as successful but that you really found that you just fell in love with it and that it became a part of you I'm I'm gonna say Holly Gibney in The Outsider although that did that did pretty well yeah that did pretty well um I've I've loved the roles that I've played and I've picked I I picked them really specifically because I I want to get to know this person I you know if I I always say this if I if I haven't met this person before either I'm screen or in life I'd like to meet them so I that's why I play them I want to get to know who they are and what makes them tick and Hollywood's just so different she just she was very hard to shake she was a woman who found it hard to communicate but really all she wanted was connection and so had to learn to find ways to make herself understood and when she was misunderstood would deep would be deeply hurt by it extremely intelligent a brilliant brilliant mind but also deeply loving in the most individual way and I I just had never played anyone like her before I had and what's wonderful about that particular role is like I get everyone from every different type of Walk of Life in any place sort of going that show that you did on HBO with Holly Gibney that I I loved it she she was one of my favorites so wow I remember a person said to me um he was connecting with his sister more because of this particular role and realized that oh my sister just communicates in a different way than I do and this was the thing that joined us together and I thought that's that's what it's about making pieces that allow people to connect with each other yeah you know yeah that's beautiful I love hearing that as well because it's and it's what I appreciate about our conversation last time as I was saying earlier it was like the way you think about characters and the way you get into them I'm fascinated by that and I love geeking out and like I I love seeing people obsessed with their art like that's what gets me excited in life it's like when I meet someone who's obsessed about what they do because I'm obsessed with what I do and I can never understand how you obsess over the things you do can you describe to me again because you told me about this last time but I want to hear it again for on purpose for this community because you were talking about how like when you're playing roles you look at how people walk oh yeah and you and I was like and how they talk to figure out their pitch and then like the rhythm of their walk and the pacing and I was just like I would never think of any of that but because it tells you so much when you when you meet a new character yeah walk us through how you understand them yeah so so I when I meet a new character obviously I I'll read a script and the first thing I think of is what is the rhythm of this person usually there's a rhythm sort of written in in the way they speak in the way that in their syntax and the words they use when you find that Rhythm you sort of find their internal like heartbeat you find their heartbeat and then I'm sort of like well how do they move what is it that they're looking for is there an urgency to how they move if they walk fast are they moving away from something are they trying to get to something quickly do they think fast or if they move slowly are they apprehensive about something or are they really laid back about things do they have nothing to worry about if they're if they're anxious maybe that's why they move fast or maybe it's the opposite maybe they're so anxious that they are paralyzed that they can't move at all so they move really slowly because what if I get there and something happens and so I just sort of like find what fits on this person and then it's about well how do they speak if they are confident well maybe they don't need to make themselves sound really sweet and so their voices aren't as high pitched or maybe they are sort of held and so they're a little bit quiet then things feel a little bit whispered and um there was a really interesting documentary about Princess Diana and I she's really fun to listen to because her voice changes as the years go by when you first meet her it's almost like she's whispering and swallowing the words and the pump doesn't really use her mouth very much and it's very quiet and very reserved and as you meet her as the years go by when she sort of like now I know who I am she starts to use her mouth more so she she sounds really rounded and and that's sort of what you're discovering about these people and I love that I love trying to find out what is this person how do they grow and do they grow through through meeting them and through these episodes or through the film does it change does it shift do they move more confidently do they move more smoothly are they are they quick are they darted so many questions I would ask myself and then silly things like what scent do they use because we all have sense memory so if there's a particular scent they use it's because it reminds them of something and when I put that scent on does it make me think of something or do they like makeup and if they do like makeup is there a particular way they do it do they want their eyebrows messy or do they want them very tidy when they put the clothes on are they looking for Comfort or not with Holly I always wore a button up because it felt like protection her neck was covered and she was wear wore comfortable shoes so she could move easily and she wouldn't think about her feet but those things are yeah you know they change with Aretha she needed heels and she needed a look and she did her her eyebrows particularly and they were a particular shape with an Inky black line you know and with Celie it changed when she put trousers on she could walk better and she had a heel a thick blocky heel that meant that she could like make sound when she moved before then she was in a shorter heel with that was like a soft shoe that made no sound at all so it meant that she could move really quickly because if she didn't move quickly she'd be in danger so it's about that how do you find all the things that make this person a round person so that when you when you meet them on screen you're like oh I can see this person and they're three-dimensional four-dimensional and not just someone that I read a script on where did that ability and skill come from because obviously it can be seen as a technique but when you talk about it it's not a technique it's it's something that you know it's it's not just like oh you've read that in a book yeah it's it's how you think and how you feel and how you empathize with this person and even when you were talking about Diana there's someone obviously who've not played it's like but you're watching that and you're you're able to observe that where did that skill come from how did it develop do you remember like when did you start did you start doing that when you watched TV when you were a kid or did you you know where yeah where did it come from I'm not even sure when it started I think I've always been a people Watcher I think I've always observed how people move how people are so that I can better communicate with them myself I haven't always been perfect but like that seems to be my sort of cheat code to knowing what a person needs from me in conversation I sometimes watch people's lips for to make sure that I'm really listening or watch their eyes because those are the places that give you what the emotional life of a person is and I think I've always just applied that to my everyday life and then when I went to drama school was he learning about actioning and making sure that there's a reason for something and what is the reason for the thing you're saying what we say is 50 of what we mean often how we say it and what we're thinking as we say it the words aren't necessarily the thing that we're thinking they're just a representation of how we're feeling and and until you know when we're not afraid the words are the thing that we thinking but often with people when we're saying the thing that we think the other person wishes to hear as opposed to what we want to say and so I I learn about that in drama school and then just applied it to the bigger you know space of my life and then I you know as you get older you start to want to connect with people and that desire to connect properly with people I think just feeds into my work I want people to connect with the people I get to play and I call them people because I don't see them as just characters when you see the people you're playing or what people would know as characters as whole and realized people you get to know them better which means you get to give another person introduce a person to everybody watching and so they get to connect and feel as though these are real people out in the world that I might not come in contact with but they exist and and I want that for the people that I play yeah that's that's the desire for connection consistently with my characters yeah do you do you feel that sometimes and I've I coach a lot of people who act instead of not in acting obviously in in in life and work but how do you often feel as well that sometimes those people become a part of you oh and that do you do you try and shed them do you try hold on to them like do you do you like that like because I don't think that's talked about enough I think we hear about in the extreme senses of method acting gone wrong or like when it leads to like you know a the tragic event of someone taking their own life and we hear about and there's very extreme but I don't think we talk about it enough with actors who are you know going about their day taking on new roles and like how long it takes to become someone and then lose someone and yeah you know like right now everyone's saying Austin Butler sounds like Elvis Elvis in every interview and the thing is I feel for him because I know that that he's not putting that on yeah of course not it happens you and it's very different for every single person but for me it takes a while to to lose a character because if if you've done your job correctly they weren't just a character they were a part of you you had to infuse use this person with some of you yeah so they and they have to come from you they're in your body they use your voice they use your face they use your mannerisms you create them together they take up space within you they take up a little bit of your heart because you have to mean in the things you're saying and when you finish the role usually after what a couple of months three months sometimes six I'm about to play character for a year they are a part of you and and what people don't realize is your body doesn't realize that it's not real it thinks that this thing happening is you it's real yeah so you have to at the end of it let your body know that it's okay to let this thing go but it's gonna take a while because you've learned to teach your body to do it quickly get to that person quickly remove the thing that you know is your everyday life and get to the person that you're playing every day quickly that's what you want the quicker access so now the access is really quick and to the point where well now you don't really have to think about getting into the role because you're already there yeah you wake up in the morning you know oh I'm gonna put this on and this is and there we go do you look at your mirror and I'm here there we go hi nice to meet you and and at the end of a project it takes some time some projects are easier like getting out of the blue fairy very easy I didn't have to shoot for very long so it was lovely and I know it's fantasy but and it didn't cost me too much yeah getting out of Aretha getting out of Harriet getting out of Holly very different things because I was there for months with these people Holly was hilarious because she had a her walk was very different someone sent me a video of me walking about on set and I was like that is not me that's not me posture is different walk was different different weight the way I move my head was different the way I spoke to people and even my hair and makeup team were sort of like you would come into trailer and it was not you that's not who we met we met Holly most of the time and it would take a while to let them go the person I just played her name's Jacqueline I spent three four months with her and I still remember everything she went through as though it was me and it takes time if you mean it yeah it will take time exactly support Austin Butler is walking around with this accent because I imagine he shot this film for six months to a year so had to learn this sound and when you learn a sound it doesn't just leave you yeah you know he may slip into it just by X not even thinking about it yeah because that's the person he played he paid he played a person that existed for six to nine months or something and preparation and prepared it before then and then rehearsed it and then sang the songs like same thing as insane as well yeah he put a voice on top of his own that's not gonna go because the film is over yeah there's no way it can yeah how does that affect your relationships during that time like I wonder how does that affect your personal life because because like you're saying it's not as easy as like on off on off yeah it's not like there's a switch yeah how does it affect like your friends it's always easy but if you have people around you that are understanding of the job you're doing they're just patient with you I have been Savvy enough to get myself a really good therapist so I can talk about it talking about it really helps to let go of it because you can find the separation between yourself and the person you were playing the more you talk about it the less it's you and the more you let them go the more you allow your body the permission to let go of something which is a life lesson not just an acting lesson the easier it becomes to let it go what was your reason for going to therapy was that the reason was that part of it or yeah and just like a life things things you know I I my mum raised me uh my father wasn't around and those we don't realize that that sticks to the bones of a person you don't realize it because it comes out in different ways and I just wanted to be Freer of that so I wanted to give myself more access to the fully emotional parts of myself and in order to do that I had to let go of any resentment or any upset and it doesn't go overnight but it helps to create space I wanted to be just better at understanding relationships I have in in general where I am you know mistaking something for hurt as opposed to if I'm thinking someone is being mean I'm I need to know what are they going through also because it might not be vindictive it might not be a mean thing it might just be that they they are also hurting but what is what in me is seeing their hurt as mean am I hurting in a place so it's just finding better ways to communicate with people therapies really helped me with that like how do I want to communicate best with people how can I show up as my best self and that's not always to lay the groundwork for really great communication yeah I think that's that's a really beautiful way I've never heard it described like that yeah I actually think that's a really refreshing description because it's almost like I think we literally run from conflict here yes unease here yes discomfort yeah yeah and it's like personally professionally family whatever it may be and you're just you're running from discomfort to discomfort to Discount yeah and you never had time to think about it yeah you never attempt to prepare yeah you never had time to debrief right like you know you may do that at work yeah but when do you debrief personally after a altercation with someone and therapy or coaching or the ability to talk to someone in your life like you you get to start going oh well I've actually thought about this right and here's how I feel about right right rather than I'm just feeling I'm just feeling I'm just feeling yeah and also those feelings end up being exacerbated because you're just talking to yourself yes you can't really process something if you're just talking to yourself you need ears that can say well I know that you're feeling that but here's what I'm hearing as you say this to me that has been a wonderful Game Changer when the words that you're saying are not actually the thing that you are saying yeah that's not what you're feeling the thing you're saying is not the thing yes yes and and that's what we all struggle with is that we are this misalignment between what we're thinking and saying yes and feeling yeah is is so much more widespread than we think yeah yeah what what's a belief that you think that you held once about yourself that led you down a scary path or a wrong path is there a belief or a value or a idea you held about yourself that you think didn't take you in a great Direction I don't know that there is anything like that I think just little things that come up sometimes you question whether you're good enough for something we all suffer from that in a little way and some you know more than others varying degrees and when you're younger it feels huge and then as I've gotten older it creeps it in occasionally and then I sort of I allow myself to know that what is supposed to be for you will come to you and if it wasn't meant to come to you it won't you are good enough full stop if you're doing the work to be a good person to prepare for the work that you want if I spend the time you know running every day no it is a holistic thing that I give myself my therapist said to me when you do something or you eat something or you buy something or drink something ask yourself are you loving yourself when you do that and if the answer is yes well then you've done a good job and if the answer is maybe not to something different if your life is a series of things that you know are goodness and you and they are a series of things that are what is known as loving yourself you are good enough and all you're doing is prepping yourself for whatever is supposed to come to you yeah every time I've gone I wanted to do that and it doesn't come my way every time something else comes up and I go oh got it yeah yeah I know I wasn't supposed to do that because that thing came and that thing is awesome so I want to do that thing thank you Universe thank you God yeah for taking that out the way I always say to people every no is just room for a yes every no is just room for the thing that is supposed to happen you're making room for the yes that's supposed to be there I I loved your response to that imposter syndrome as we call it today that you felt that the idea that anything that comes to you is meant to come to you yeah so even if you feel that way yeah and I feel that way often I I experience imposter syndrome all the time I get to do incredible things that I could never have even imagined or dreamed of doing and then this opportunity comes your way and you're scared before you you prepare you're scared before you even get there and you haven't and you haven't experienced it yet so you have no idea what you're stepping into yet you just know it's a good thing in front of you and like what if I'm not good enough for it am I supposed to be here yes you were supposed to be here not just because you're the person that's supposed to do it but you're the person that's supposed to experience it because your experience is valuable if you share your experience maybe you're the person that changes someone else's mind about this particular experience because someone else might be petrified of Leaning into it but because you're the person that is experiencing it you're the right person to send the message to the next person you see what I mean absolutely yeah that is so Crystal Clear I love that yeah yeah no it's that's exactly what I'm saying that the what's what's really clicking for me as you're speaking is that idea that it's come to me it's for me to experience it's for me to go through and that what we do is we're scared before you get through it and you probably did better than you thought you would and then afterwards you critique yourself of how you didn't do a great job and then when the next thing comes along you do the same thing all over again and what you're saying is just so fascinating that yeah it's for you to experience I think that's beautiful like that's even better than just this for you to do yeah or for you to have yeah it's like no there's an experience here that's been perfectly crafted just for you just for you yeah yeah and we don't always live in that Miracle or like live in that space what what have you felt like about what you're doing right now that's come that way that you're like oh this was just for me like this is the experience I was meant to have was there something recently or oh I mean it's coming up I uh doing Wicked so there was another cool that I really wanted to do and it didn't quite work out and because it didn't work out it meant that I was available to even be seen for Wicked and now I'm doing it and and it came in out of nowhere I one day my my agent called him was like so they're seeing people for Wicked and I was like I had no idea this was even happening and now now it is what it is and I'm doing it and this is so far has been a really wonderful experience I've been talking to John our director and Ariana and we're really sort of like finding our sort of group like what is our what is the group mind wanting what do we want to tell with the story how do we want it to look what do we want people to feel how we want to feel when we do it all of those things and it wouldn't have happened if there was a yes there yeah because this yes was supposed to come you know yeah yeah how does it feel when you're working with other incredibly creative people that one mind can be really challenging there's one thing getting your mind right and being like I know what I'm doing yeah now you've got three sets of imposter syndrome three sets of excitement three sets of artists like what have you figured out as by now like is there a system or process that you can follow to help to make everyone feel comfortable like how does that work often it's about thinking less about and I know this sounds counter-intuitive but less about what you need and more about what they need what does this person need in this moment to feel confident enough that they can go through this with you what can I do to make you understand that I am here for you as well and if I'm here for you you can be here for me and therefore we can think together we can figure it out together and I think that once that's sort of established it's just about throwing ideas and like what about this there's no wrong idea like creating a space for when you want a One mind idea it's about that's actually about creating a safe space and we hear the words safe space used a lot but that is really what it is creating a safe surrounding so that we can throw anything at the wall like what is what about this it might sound completely ridiculous and outlandish but it's okay to throw it in this circle because we're all gonna appreciate it we might it might not be quite right but we're going to be like actually this thing about the thing that's outlandish actually might work what if we applied it to this thing here and made it work that way then we're all then now we're of one mind we're of one of one Accord we might have different thoughts and different ideas but somehow they all come together because we're all there for the same purpose if you find out what the purpose is we're all going in the same direction well then you can't necessarily go wrong you won't really have to manage everyone's sort of imposter Center because it's not about us yeah about the bigger picture at hand how do we approach this challenge together and make it work yeah yeah yeah I love that idea of I think that space of there's no bad ideas and uh don't judge someone for their bad ideas judge them for their great ones yeah and judge them for The Bravery to even say the idea in the first place even though everyone knows it's Syrian and you're so right that so often a bad idea is actually the seed of a great one it's just that you have to kind of put it away like take it apart and get rid of all the dust remember there's actually something really interesting there right like there's an interesting perspective or a way of looking at it yeah what do you think Cynthia for you what's the biggest change you've made in your life that you think's had the biggest change in your life like is there a habit a practice obviously running is a huge one that I think we discussed is there anything else a change that you've made internally in your belief system or externally or in your values that you think is has been the Catalyst for all of these mindsets shifts and this this greatness that has come your way like does that come from having had a religious upbringing that you've spiritualized does it come you know because I'm always fascinated by like when you speak and when you put these ideas together I'm like there's so much Beauty there's so much uh eloquence and then there's Elegance to it too and then I'm like well where how do you know like I'm like I I love I I guess when you were saying like when you're looking at a role or a person actually you said a person a real person not a character you were saying like you love how they to figure out how they walk and how they talk and why they do this I think for me when I'm I'm fascinated by human behavior from the point of view of how can humans change right I think that's what like I get obsessed about I'm always like well when that person made that shift what did they do yeah that helped them to make that shift and how can other people benefit from that yeah or like how does that person make decisions that makes them a better decision maker or yeah why does that person lie or steal or cheat or whatever it may be that ruins their life so I think yeah I'm just trying to get to what change did you have to make a change in mindset or do you think it was a snowball effect of just these positive experiences that you kept collecting think it's like a slow and steady accumulation of trying just trying things when I was younger I'd be I was a little scared when I when I first went to drum school what actually happened was I met someone at a young access company I told you the story before Ray McCann and she she told me I should go to drama school but before that I had I had just gone out on a whim and decided I don't want to be it I can't go to university and study this subject it's not it doesn't feel right it's also like listening to myself and being okay with that this might be a terrible mistake but I'm not going to do this thing and I think everybody expected me to do so I'm going to leave University I'm gonna just try this young actors company this course that's at a theater it's not it's not an it's not a massive course that is around the world like nobody really knows about it but it just feels right so I'm gonna go there I bump into Rey who I hadn't seen for five years she tells me to go to drama school I tell her no I say I'm not doing it that's there's no way I'm going to get in she says well you can't come to this course if you don't apply to this wow it's cool and I say all right I will apply to this school but only this school just this one only because you asked and I'm only applying to this fine I apply and we and I do the work I don't phone it in I really do work to to get to these auditions and somehow I find myself in this drama school World Academy dramatic arts it's one of the best schools in the world for for acting and I feel like a fish out of water but a lot of my experience at this school is about what feels right for me because that's really how I can gauge it at one point like and I and I was physical I was working out a lot and one of the teachers says oh you should stop working out because you get you know you need to get softer and I was like I don't know that that's right I'm gonna I'm Gonna Keep working out because it's good for my brain and my mind so I'm going to keep doing that and I find a person in my class who happens to just play the piano he plays the piano beautifully so we just pick up books from the library that are scores of music and we go through these music scores one of them happens to be Wicked and we learn that school back to front I have no idea that 10 odd years later wow that thing is going to be the thing I'm doing now no idea I have no idea I just love the music and I and I know that going away to a music room with a piano with this person to sing all this music feels really good yeah feels good we're doing these shows and we all are like trying to get our agents and whatnot and I think I don't think the traditional way of getting an agent is really going to work for me so we put on a cabaret in the bar because it feels good good I get my agent and I finish early so when I go to do this thing we call it the tree which is like a presentation of different scenes I just do the things that feel good yeah and people love it and I feel good when I'm done and there's no pressure there's no anxiety and I leave with a show to go to and it's been a series of what's my gut and my heart telling me the color purple came because I knew it was coming and I was like I I know I'm supposed to play Celie I just I just know it I I can't tell you why but my gut is telling me my heart is telling me that's what I'm supposed to do no idea about what's happening next we do this show in a little theater with 200 people it's a 200 seater that's it towards the Nar so do you wanna do you think you would want to do this on Broadway I don't think they're being serious cut to a year or two later we're on Broadway and we're doing this show I have no idea of any of this I think it's just accumulation of genuinely listening to myself and not being afraid that the decision might be wrong totally you know yes because yes some of it might be wrong but then it somehow is right yes yeah yeah right yeah if you've just sparked something with me that I think has has some uh truth in it is the idea that if you listen to everyone else chances are they might be wrong right and if you listen to yourself chances are you might be right right and there might be some ways that it goes wrong but when you're listening to yourself you can take responsibility right when it doesn't work you can give it quicker right or is that a fine when you listen to someone else and it goes wrong then you just keep blaming them again oh yeah I shouldn't have listened to that person right and it's like but no like you don't need to listen to what they thought anyway and so I loved that and I love all the dots and the can the cool joints yeah and that's the beauty of it like looking back on it yeah there's that beautiful um quote from Steve Jobs where he said you can't connect the dots moving forward right you only can when you're looking backwards and I feel like when that's exactly what this is you're like I just did this because it felt good yeah I did this and now when I look back and I I encourage everyone to not look for the connection moving forward yeah like you will find it no connection you'll find it later yeah just keep keep taking the steps forward again one step in front of the other yeah just keep moving forward that's beautiful Cynthia on that no I mean I could talk to you for hours and I hope we will but uh we end every episode of on purpose with what we call uh there's two segments yes uh one of them is called the many sides of us okay where we ask you to use one word or one phrase okay to describe yourself through different mirrors and different lenses and the other is the Fast Five so uh here are your questions what is one word do a phrase that someone would say about you meeting you for the first time I've been hearing she's it's very warm that's beautiful I would have to agree yeah and you're very warm uh today I'm meeting you first time even though we've spoken before and so I'm like very warm you actually last time I interviewed you it was only audio so it's always different when you finally and I was like you you have a way of speaking that people want to listen right that's what I noticed about you I was like I actually care about what she has to say because if you're Caden to tone you're just yeah the texture of your voice I'm like I'm so intrigued like so that that was something as well that's special okay what is one word or phrase to describe what someone would say that knows you very well I'm stubborn ah yes stubborn about what I like to get things done on my own and it's a trait that I am having to sort of like shift a little bit because there is that wonderful positive thing about I can get it done and I'm pragmatic I can get things done but there's also the other part of like it's okay someone else can help you you could help is good too yeah it took me eight I know what that one feels like yeah I know yeah yeah I can relate to that all right so it's not it's not stubborn in the same way my wife has got it I understood yeah all right let's just clarifying okay uh question number three what is one word or phrase that you would use to describe yourself open beautiful what is a word or phrase that someone who maybe doesn't like you would say about you difficult I don't settle right I I I'm so glad you brought that up let's let's have it so I get that feedback a lot yeah and it comes from my inner responsibility that I have this unique opportunity to serve the world in the way I want to and I never thought it would be possible I'm very grateful for it right but now I can't settle right and I don't want to treat this as just a job or a career or it's so much more to me than any of those things tell me about how you deal with that when you're seen as difficult in your way in your specific experience of that word the way I've dealt with it it is has sort of shifted over time before I would probably get defensive about it yeah it's in our nature to sort of like defend ourselves when when we don't like the thing that we're hearing about ourselves now I think I'm I have more patience to sort of sit and be like the reason why you may think I am difficult or or see that is because I'm I'm maybe asking for things that feel like they're way it's just too much but actually I'm asking for the things that will allow me to be my Optimum self for you yeah so that when we come away from this you know I've given you everything I can possibly give you in the best possible way it just takes patience and understanding for us to be able to meet in the middle that's beautiful yeah I love that great description okay uh question number a five yeah what is a word or phrase that you're trying to embody today something that you're working on something that you're today I have this already but I think it's an everyday Voyage Joy just seeking joy in every day like in little things being able to finish organizing something or I did my vanity that around my bathroom and I think it looks really tidy that's a little piece of Joy meeting people on the streets I run little piece of Joy I found I don't know a chocolate bar that I haven't had for ages Joy you know I've managed to get everything ready and I got the right outfit my my water's prepared I'm prepared to date Joy like finding pieces of joy in the little moments so that we aren't just waiting for big massive things to happen that it actually is an everyday buildup of goodness yeah so that when the big things come they're just like a cherry on top yeah yeah I love that that's beautiful yeah and I wanted to end with our final conversation around what we talked about briefly before we started was that you were saying that you're at this point in life where you're trying to figure out the difference between speaking from a place of love and then speaking from a place of fear so often we're trying to speak from a place of love but really we end up speaking from a place of protecting us yes yeah and I wanted to hear how you felt today when you were sharing like how has that evolved for you because I think you're so right I think especially people in the public eye yeah are always being from a place of fear yeah because everything you say is like can be taken apart and can be highlighted and can be blown up out of proportion and so walk me through that for you I think that we we've misconstrued what what it means to speak from a place of love because we believe that speaking from a place of Love is protecting someone's feelings but by protecting someone's feelings protecting your own because you don't want that person's feeling to come back at you and make you feel hurt but actually if you speak from a place of love you are actually communicating with another person about what can can help both of you meet somewhere in the middle and understand one another so if I say let's say something as simple as someone has said something that's hurt your feelings instead of saying that thing you said hurt my feelings and I know that that wasn't what you meant to do but that's how I felt that person can go I'm so sorry I didn't need to that's not what I meant at all now we've not exacerbated anything I've just told you how I felt from a place of not afraid that you're going to get defensive about what you said it's not you said that thing and I don't think it was right and it was really mean different turn of phrase isn't it you're not speaking from a place of this is how it felt when it when it came to me is that what you meant yeah now there's a space to to have a conversation about well actually maybe this is what I meant I know I understand okay well now we can have a discussion about something yeah when we speak from a place of love what we're actually doing is giving the other the other person an opportunity to be understood and therefore you get the chance to be understood as well when we speak from a place of fear we're trying to stop the other person from getting upset to stop ourselves from feeling even more rejection or more upset and we can't walk around like that we're essentially walking around like broken shelves that doesn't work we want to allow people to make themselves whole every time we have a conversation with them yeah to leave a conversation thinking oh I learned something I understand something I know something if you leave a conversation going did I actually get what I needed from that and that's often how people leave conversations especially arguments you leave an argument you think I don't think I got what I wanted from that yeah I don't think I got the ex the conversation I needed out of that I'm still missing things I'm still not understanding certain things because we weren't speaking from a place of how do we solve this how do we how do we make make this better we're just sort of I want to be heard you want to be heard as opposed to I want to understand you so that you can understand me now we walk away thinking oh we got something yeah and so usually by the end of those conversations when you're like I want to understand you want to understand you're like you're good I'm good yeah all right should we start again yeah let's start again that tends to be how those conversations end up I want those yeah yeah I want those too it makes so much sense and today's today's been a conversation filled with love filled with joy yeah filled with a lot of understanding and I know anyone who listens to this speaking to you is like there's there's a there's a therapeutic nature to it it's very like I I feel like anyone who listens to this or watches this is gonna walk away just feeling a sense of Joy genuinely because I think the way you talk about your life the way you talk about these Miracles the way you talk about the connection the way you talk about the the work but also the wisdom that comes from it is is really special and beautiful so thank you so much thank you for being here today thank you for doing this I hope you had fun I did it's lovely and I hope you feel heard and seen and understood very much and uh I want to welcome everyone at home to make sure that you share what you learned from this episode across social media so that we can pick up what were those little moments that Cynthia mentioned that connected with you that resonated with you that you're gonna try out that what are you gonna start I'm fascinated by that what are you gonna start doing I like that question yeah yeah and Sydney I hope you're gonna come back a year after yeah yeah I can't wait for Pinocchio very excited too it's a very excited I can't not wait I'm really pumped but uh excited for this thank you so much thank you very much for having me thank you thank you if you love this episode you will also love my interview with Charles duhigg on how to hack your brain change any habit effortlessly and the secret to making better decisions when people talk about procrastination when they talk about overthinking what they're really talking about is they're talking about the first step once you take the first step it's used

Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast

Views: 754,123

Keywords: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty Podcast, Jay Shetty Interview, On Purpose Podcast, Jay Shetty Inspiration, Jay Shetty Motivation, Jay Shetty Video, Self help, Self improvement, Self development, entrepreneur, success habits, purpose podcast, Jay Shetty relationships

Id: xZInsd0WPTY

Length: 68min 1sec (4081 seconds)

Published: Mon May 01 2023