Welcome to Sad Boyz, a podcast
about feelings and other things also. - I'm Jarvis.
- Oh, I'm Jordan. - You all right?
- I don't know what happened there. It looked like you were exorcising a demon. - Something kicked in.
- "Ohhh." - Oh, there it goes.
- Yeah. I was Jordan, and he's ascended. Oh, OK. Who are you now? - Uh, Johnny Smooth.
- Oh, yeah, Johnny Smooth. I feel like this is the one
character you play. - [JORDAN] What do you mean?
- Where you don't know what's going on - but you're cool.
- [JORDAN] He's a different guy. [JORDAN] As I said, I went
to heaven, and not a character. - Right. Not a character, for sure.
- Come on, man. I'm old Johnny Sm – I gotta
look up improv lessons. Yeah, cut to you reading
the UCB comedy manual. Chris Gethard's biography. Don't read that. That's just
gonna tell you about his life. - Oh.
- It won't really teach you - anything about comedy.
- "Oh, this book's too long." Yeah, "God, I gotta put it down." Um, how are you doing? It's been a while since we
recorded an episode. - A one-on-one?
- Yeah. One-on-one, it's been a especially long time, and also we recorded so many episodes around VidCon that we had just weeks and weeks - of episodes in the can.
- [JORDAN] Mmhmm. - And, uh, so it's been a minute.
- Had a little bit of breathing room. I hadn't seen Jacob for a
hot minute. How you doing? - [JACOB] (inaudible)
- Whooooooa. - Jesus.
- Holy cow. Look at that. What's up? Why do you
not wanna hang out? - Yeah, what...?
- [JACOB] I was scawed. - Oh.
- Yeah, Jacob was scawed. Was it one of these little
index finger touch? Yeah? - Uh...
- [JARVIS] But we're back. We're back. I've never been –
It's never been more back. We are – it's the opposite of jover. - [JORDAN] Yeah. It's jon.
- It's jon. - It's absolutely jon.
- It's Joe Bi-don. - Obamna.
- Um... - Obam-no thanks! Weird that that never
kicked in, huh? - I guess. It's not particularly catchy.
- It was like, "He's Kenyan." I'm like, "You're wasting your time." I thought you were
making a Barbie reference. "He's Ken-yan." - That same poster, where it's like...
- "She's Barbie." Yeah. "He's Kenyan." - "This Kenyan runs."
- Yeah. - "...the White House."
- Whoa! Do you know that me and Barack Obama are
technically from the same tribal lineage? - Is that true?
- Mmhmm, both Luos. Is that why people compare you to Obama? It must be why. It's like
a respectful reference - to my ancestry.
- And it's not a racism thing. It's not just a mixed guy. - People ever make that reference for you?
- No, never. - I think I look more like Obama.
- You do. - I always get Jaboukie.
- [JORDAN] Yeah. So that's become like a little meme, where sometimes the extremely talented actor, writer, comedian, musician
Jaboukie Young White, um... Falls to top two. Second place. Silver, below Jarvis now. Yeah. Well, that's the thing, is we had – Jaboukie and I met because someone asked him on his Instagram stories,
"Why do you look like Jarvis Johnson?" and then he said, "You guys think
all light skins look alike." - Uh, and he was right.
- It's the burden of the gifted. - What can I say?
- Yeah, it's true. It's mostly a power, sometimes a curse,
you know what I mean? - Yeah, sometimes a curse.
- It's such a... a self-report when people
just say we look the same. - Very. It's annoying.
- It's like, "Wow. Really." - [JARVIS] Yeah.
- I would say... of all our light skin friends, of all light skin guys we know,
pretty far apart, if anything. Yeah. We've definitely got
different genres of face. - I'm a Luo of sorts, in face.
- Right, and I'm something. - Some crazy stuff.
- I'm like a "oh no!" - "I'm an Obam-no of sorts."
- I'm an Obam-no. Do you know what your, uh, type is? - No.
- Your Black history? Uh, I only know... I only know generic, 'cause it's like my family, like, came over for slave times. - [JORDAN] Oh, what happened?
- Uh, oh, it was just like a good old time. Everybody was hanging out
and working for free. They were so excited to work.
They didn't even ask for money. - They were learning essential skills.
- Learning essential skills, yeah. Who's pushing that? Florida, right? - Uh, pushing it?
- Yeah, the new curriculum or whatever? Oh. - Oh, like a DeSantis situation.
- Mmhmm. Chad legend, of course. Uh, yeah, Ron DeSanctimonious. - "It's sugar, man!" The most embarrassing.
- "I did everything right," "and they indicted Ron." If he did the exact same thing, no one would care. He's so sauceless. Yeah, he has no sauce, no rizz. He's so profoundly unseasoned. And he's, like, way younger
and at least has his faculties, and he would be destroyed
in any one-on-one conversation. So one thing I have to say, uh... Two things I have to say. One, uh, about the slavery thing, yeah, I mean, a lot of Black Americans
don't really know kind of lineage beyond a certain point,
'cause my grandparents were – like my great-grandparents were in America, so I don't know basically
beyond that point. - Often like no name to track.
- No, yeah. And then, um... But just, general West Africa. And then on my white side, who I don't know who
my father is – that's canon. Is 23andMe why you know West African? - Yes.
- [JORDAN] Or one of the websites. I've used a couple of them, actually. My DNA is all out there for
all of the companies to harvest. Um, and then on the white side, and I have never met
a white member of my family, I do not know any of them,
I only know that I'm half-white due to doing the math of my
dark-skinned mother and how I look. I, you know, X+Y. - [JORDAN] Logic.
- Yeah. And... But I did learn from 23andMe
that there's, like, British... The other half of me's British, so... - Uh-oh.
- I do think we kinda look alike. It makes sense. Culturally
we're one-to-one, I would say, yeah. That's true. The other thing
I wanted to mention, talking about "unseasoned,"
I watched They Cloned Tyrone. - Is it good?
- It's good. Um, it's a very pretty movie. I thought it was interesting. I love the genre.
I love the setting of it. There is a part, without
giving any spoilers, there is a part where they're essentially
making fun of sauceless white dudes, where two white guys
are walking and talking and they go, uh... "Yeah, so I just roast the chicken." And it's like, "And no
seasoning or anything?" "No, it brings out the natural flavors." Yeah, what's the fucking –
what's the last movie, uh... "Thank you for calling"?
"Thank you for..."? - Sorry to Bother You?
- Yeah, Sorry to Bother You. "Thank you for your service on the phone." Uh, where David Cross
just plays his white voice? - Oh, yeah.
- Genius. Great move. I saw that movie with my white mother. Fucking loved it. She loves lambasting... (bleep) [JARVIS] Yeah. Oh, yeah,
don't say that word. You're not allowed to. The Ritz. - Yeah.
- [JARVIS] The saltines. Put a little... A couple Goldfish. Yeah. Ooh, I actually
could go for some Goldfish. - Still never had them.
- OK, that's a crime. - Isn't that insane?
- That is, because... - We had them at the office.
- I was just about to ask you where you land on – I think you can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they
like Cheez-Its or Goldfish. - Have you had Cheez-Its?
- Yes. - How do you feel about them?
- Um, I like them just fine. My general... I won't say
"aversion." That's dramatic. The reason I've never prioritized Goldfish is the cheese flavoring - just is not generally my choice.
- Doesn't do it for you. - It's a bit too much.
- Goldfish, I can eat endlessly, because they feel clean. They feel crisp. They feel baked. They are baked. Cheez-Its, I don't know how they make them. Greasy as hell. If I squeeze
a handful of Cheez-Its, oil is gonna run down my hand. If I squeeze Goldfish, I'm just gonna be destroying
the snack that smiles back, - and why would somebody do that?
- Sure. And how stinky on the hand? That is my big, uh – Any kind of cheesy Doritos, a big
no-no for me because of how cheesy it is on the finger. There is something about... It almost feels like a
triple word score or a combo, where I'm eating so many Doritos
and my hands get caked in so much that it just makes me wanna eat more. - "Now it's too late."
- And then I get to, like, uh... - suck it off my fingers.
- [JORDAN] Yeah, say no more. - And I just have –
- Check out the Patreon, by the way. So much of the gunk, but it tastes so good
and it's so bad for me. [JORDAN] Hell yeah, dude. I'm trying to think of a... a British crisp what I grew up with. - You ever had Monster? Some Monsters?
- I've had Monster Energy. - With chips?
- (Australian accent) I've had Shapes. - I've eaten Shapes.
- I've had a couple Shapes. - I've had a couple Shapes.
- And I know that, otherwise I wouldn't be authentic. And then I was just Waltzing Matilda
all the way over to the milk bar - and I got myself some Shapes.
- Check out the previous Patreon episode to understand these references. Uh, no, there was, uh, Monsters. I don't even know how to describe it. I think it's like an
onion flavor, or whatever? - [JARVIS] Onion?!
- You know, or what is it? I guess sour cream and onion
would be the equivalent. But I don't even know
if sour cream is included. - Is this what we're talking about?
- Yeah, Monster Munch, that's the one. - Monster Munch.
- And Space Raiders, as well. This looks fake as hell, dude.
What kinda bizarro...? - It looks like royalty-free version.
- Yeah. - This is like a GTA V snack.
- Yeah. Yeah, like Play's potato chips
or something like that. Could you go to that, uh, "Walkers officially confirms
Monster Munch are claws, not little..." "Not little monsters." (laughing) I thought it was gonna be
hands or paws or something. Monsters are not monsters.
They're little claws. I think they should be little monsters. I think they should be
little monsters, frankly. Yeah, why not? Look at that.
It turns out that there's a controversy. - Someone's diagrammed "big head."
- What the fuck is that? "This Monster Munch theory will
turn your world and head upside-down." - That's an Among Us right there.
- That actually is. Guys, make sure to like the video.
We referenced Among Us. - You guys fucking love that shit.
- Yeah, go ahead and do that. - There's so much Among Us...
- "He was a Monster Munch." But do you have any snacks like that, where as a youth you weren't necessarily interested
in them, and then maybe...? 'Cause when I was back in the UK,
dabbled in some Monster Munch. - OK.
- I dabbled in alternative Walkers flavors, which is just Lay's. I don't know
why they're called Walkers. - Is it owned by the same company?
- Same company, same logo. - Oh, shit.
- It's really fucking weird. It's a regular, um... - TJ Maxx?
- DiMaggio. - Oh, DiMaligria.
- Delissio. Delissio. Monsters Giants – all right, too many
denominations of chips. - Can I say that much?
- There are, just in general. We've covered it.
How many flavors do you...? One brand per flavor. There you go. I, today, bought... We're adults, right?
And we care about adult stuff. Thank you so much. Jacob, did you hear what
Jarvis said about me? So, I bought some sponges today. - Hell yeah.
- 'Cause as an adult, - you need to clean stuff.
- And sponges, they can get so nasty - if you don't, you know.
- And they can get so nasty, so sometimes you gotta replace them. So I wanted to buy a Scrub Daddy. - [JORDAN] Not sponsored.
- Not sponsored. However, - Scrub Daddy...
- [JORDAN] Fire away. Fire away. Whichever shark wants to –
whichever one he paid for, or... Yeah, one of the most successful Shark Tank products ever, Scrub Daddy. Turns out it's a really
good product, and I love it. So I learned today, when they were out of
regular Scrub Daddies, that there is a whole family
of Scrub family products. - [JORDAN] Oh, wow.
- You've got the Scrub Mommy. This feels like it shouldn't
be allowed to say. Wait, is it just a cosmetic change? Uh, no, this one... So, the Mommy is half and half. It's got... It's got ordinary sponge on one half, and Scrub Daddy on the other half. - That's actually my lineage.
- Dual-sided. - I'm half soft sponge.
- You're a bit of a Scrub Mommy yourself. Much like Obama, I'm soft sponge. Yeah, Obama is from the
Scrub Mommy tribe of Kenya. Yeah. [JORDAN] Oh, you're a
West African daddy, I believe, right? Yeah, I am a West African
Sponge Daddy, in fact. - [JORDAN] What's the...? OK, yeah.
- So this is not a Scrub Daddy. It is a Scrub Daddy-branded Sponge Daddy, where it's just a regular sponge
with the bristles on top. - [JORDAN] No face.
- But it's like the – no face. - [JARVIS] That's just a sponge, mate.
- Correct. Does the face have a practical application? - It does.
- [JORDAN] Oh-ho. Um, and I don't remember what it is. - Love.
- [JACOB] Spoons. - [JARVIS] Oh, yeah.
- Ohhhh! Oh, god. Oh my god. - That's so funny.
- Yeah. - It looks like she's eating.
- Yeah. You can feed Scrub Mommy. [JORDAN] Having a little meal. - Um...
- Love mommy. But there is, uh... There are benefits to the face, but I do think it's a bit of
a marketing thing as well. But it works well. I mean, hey, Scrub Daddy, we're out there. We're cheap. Sharks, any of the products, quite frankly. Load me up. My Pillow guy,
would love to work with him. OK, you know what I want?
This episode is not sponsored, so we can just say whatever we want.
I really want now... I was watching a Marques Brownlee video. Shoutout to MKBHD. Have we put the MKBHD episode of Sad Boyz on the Patreon yet? - [JACOB] No.
- OK. So, how about this:
We'll do it for this episode. There is an episode of Sad Boyz
that was recorded during the pandemic with Marques Brownlee. We'll have to have him
back on at some point in person one day. But big MKBHD fan. I was watching... He did a recent video about, um, getting solar panels for his house. And, uh, he got them a year ago, so he basically gave,
"It's been a year. Here's my..." To fully power his house? - Yeah.
- Wow. Uh, like zero-dollar power bills. My man uses a lot of damn electricity. Yeah, exactly. Turns out what uses the
most electricity is your A/C. Not rocket science to anybody, but... But yeah, watching most
MKBHD videos I have to be careful, because everything he talks about,
I'm like, "I need that." And the video was sponsored by Eight Sleep, - which is a mattress cover.
- Oh! - A friend of ours has this.
- Really? - [JORDAN] Mmhmm.
- Is it good? Uh, we'd have to ask him. He, um... I went 'round to help him
set it up when he... Hmm, how much information
do I wanna give? Well, real quick,
I wanna say, so Eight Sleep – Not sponsored, again. It is a mattress cover that allows you to control the temperature of your bed. And so I need to be cold when I'm sleeping. And so you can change
the temperature to, like, your side of the bed to like 60°, and your partner on the other
side of the bed can be at like 72°. Our friend that has this
has the Pod mattress. - Ohhh.
- Up there at the top. I guess maybe that's internal? 'Cause he just moved here,
so he needed a whole mattress. Maybe they sell a mattress on its own. Yeah. Oh, the Pod mattress.
But that does look cool. I want it. It's expensive as fuck, dude. - Is it loud?
- It's $2,000. - For the Pod?
- For the, um, cover, which is like the price
of an expensive mattress. The whole mattress is
$3,000, apparently. How much is the Pod 3 Max, Jacob? Pod 3, it sounds like a fucking iPod. It sounds like an Apple product. [JORDAN] Not sponsored, as we said. Is the Cali king the one that's square? The king... - The Cali king is square, yes.
- Tread lightly in regards to the king, OK? I – look. - Be careful.
- Charles? Chuck. Chucky Biggles. Wait, is it gonna go Philip to... I think Charles maybe
doesn't get any of it. - Oh.
- I think it was Philip to Will. Oh, is it Philip who's the king now? Yeah, the one with the giant hands. - Oh.
- He has Monster Munch-style hands. Yeah, I don't know anything
about the monarchy. Um, it's a bunch of malarkey,
if you ask me. Um, so... Anyway, I want the Eight Sleep. So Eight Sleep, if you're watching this, if you send me an Eight Sleep, I will talk about it on this podcast and I will not charge you. And we will not talk about it
on this episode. Yeah, we will take it out. We will go to the YouTube editor
and cut this shit out. If they send us two Eight Sleeps now, we technically will be
doing two ads for them, 'cause we've talked about it now
and we'll talk about it then. The value is immense.
I have a queen, by the way. I have a queen mattress.
It's not a king. It's not a Cali king. I'm a modest man. I'm a queen. I'm a man of the people, salt of the earth,
queen in my case as well. Was gonna get something else, but then I remembered that I'm just a
blue-collar kind of YouTuber, you know? I, uh, was talking to an interior designer and she said, "Do you have
a king mattress or a Cali king?" And I said, "I have a queen." - And her response was, "A queen? OK."
- [JORDAN] Yikes. It was like she was disappointed in me. I was like, "Oh, wow." "My design kinda relies on a king." "I have a king-size lamp." So, speaking of sleeping... - Your boy did a sleep study.
- Goodnight. Sleeping of sleeping... (snores) That's right. They stared
at you while you, uh... Yeah, I will, um... I don't know if this is
a trigger for anybody, but trigger warning,
we will show the photos of me wired up to EEGs, EKGs, full, like, sleep wiring. I think
I maybe sent you an image. Yeah, it was cool. It looks way more severe than I – like, there's more to
it than I anticipated. Yeah, it's pretty wild. How's that hardware affecting your sleep? - You would think a lot, right?
- Yeah. Sleeping in a different environment.
There are wires head to toe. I'm taped up on my legs. I had sweatpants on, and I got hot in the middle of the night so I slowly, daintily
took my sweatpants off while I have all these wires on me, so then there was nothing
containing the wires. Flirtatiously holding them
outside the mattress. [JARVIS] Yeah. Making a comical line of clothes. And, uh, I was so stressed out about not being able to fall asleep um, because I got in at 10:00.
They were like, "Show up at 10:00 p.m." And I did. I was on time. I went to like a hospital building, like a normal medical building, where I felt like I was breaking in, because they gave me a code. So I walk to the big sliding doors of what felt like a vacant hospital. I tap, I go "doot-doot-doot."
The doors open. Now I feel like I'm in
a Half-Life map or something. - "Welcome, Gordon Freeman."
- Yeah. - And then I have to go...
- "Are you eepy?" "Are you eepy? Go to Floor 2
for the eep study." To get a bunch of
fucking shit put on your face. - "I got too much shit on me!"
- "It kills!" "It kills!" That's what it felt like. - So then I go up...
- You didn't even wanna be around anymore? I didn't wanna be around anymore.
I went up to Floor 2, did a bunch of forms. Can I just say, I don't know what it's like in the UK,
but American healthcare system, I'm doing far too many forms
when I go into a place. - So, I'm getting a new GP right now.
- Yeah. The forms I fill out when I go to a new GP, they made me fill out
when I had a regular GP here. They just do it every time. And then they don't reference it. OK. I'm glad you mentioned this, because I've been – I've
talked about my fatigue before. I've been going to a bunch
of different doctors, right? I went to a endocrinologist. We checked my T levels,
my A1C or something like that to make sure I didn't have diabetes or
anything. So everything came back normal on that front, but similar situation. I went in, filled out a bunch of forms, talked to the guy, he's like "OK, it looks
like we've got these medications on file." Oh, if you've got them on file, why
was I fucking writing them down? - Yeah, what's going on, man?
- And when I was at the sleep study place, they were like, "Tonsillectomy,
when did you have it done?" I don't know. I was
seven years old, I think. Maybe I was six, or maybe I was eight. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't
tell you the year or the month. "I'm finding out now that that happened." I'm finding out now that
I needed to know that information. And then, uh... Then the guy, the tech, I guess, comes out. He, um, super nice guy. Talks. Tells me the whole
situation with the sleep study, all the things it's gonna do. Um, talks a lot. I'm like, "I don't need the whole
lesson right now. I wanna go to bed." "I'm gonna need some time to go to bed
with all these things, all the shit on me." And then he wires me up.
It takes a very long time. So now it's midnight
when I finally get in bed. And they kick me out
at 5:00 in the morning. So... Yeah, I guess it doesn't
have to be "nice sleep study." Yeah. So, the way they
explained it to me is like you go through a whole
sleep cycle in two hours, and all they needed was one two-hour cycle. So I'm like, "I need to get to sleep
by 3:00 a.m. or else I've wasted my money," 'cause I had to pay out of pocket
because it wasn't covered by my insurance. - That is out of pocket.
- Yeah, it was out of pocket indeed. Uh, and so I'm just sitting there... Sorry; it's so funny the shit that just doesn't get covered
by legit expensive insurance. - Yeah.
- Like, "Going to sleep?" "Maslow's hierarchy?
Who fucking cares?" - Right.
- "What? Your brain?" And so eventually I did get to sleep, kinda in the 11th hour. - How long did it take?
- They said it took me like two hours to fall asleep, or something? Um, I... Which meant I fell asleep around 2:00 a.m., so I got like three hours
of sleep that day, which was enough to get the information. Turns out I have
mild obstructive sleep apnea. Um, which basically
just means that I, like, can't breathe at some
points while I'm sleeping - 'cause there's shit in the way.
- [JORDAN] You gotta do that. Um, and I'm like... It kinda feels like maybe
some of the shit was the wires, but, um... Yeah. "Turns out I'm covered in wires,
and that's what's keeping me up at night." Uh... But yeah, I'm a little bit nervous now, because the treatment
things that they wrote down, they were like, "Oh, you
can do a dental thing." "You can get jaw surgery." And I was like, "I don't
wanna do that." Um... Do they offer the "beep," like the machine? I could, I think, get a CPAP thing, but I'm also like... I don't want
a CPAP every night of my life. It doesn't seem...
I, like... I don't know. I would prefer to get... I don't know if I'll qualify
for one of these things, but there's like dental things you can get where it's just like a retainer-type thing that prevents your jaw from
moving in a certain way at night, and then it helps with your sleep. But I also don't know
how much it's affecting my life, 'cause as I'm interpreting the stuff,
I'm looking at my sleep efficiency. They were measuring
oxygen levels and stuff. I need to talk to the
doctor, but everybody's... Doctors go on a lot of
vacations, and that's fine. They deserve it. But it seems like
every time I need to go to the doctor, someone's on vacation. My therapist was like, "I'm taking
off two weeks." I'm like, "Again?!" It literally feels like
when you go to the bank and they're like,
"We just aren't open today." - [JARVIS] "What do you mean?!"
- Like, "It's Wednesday at noon." They're just like, "We're just
not doing it today. Sorry." Can we just do shifts, where it's like, "I'm out," so you've got
a substitute teacher or whatever, you know? Like, because
my endocrinologist – or... I'm seeing an ENT, like an
ear, nose, and throat person 'cause I had a feeling, like I can't
breathe through my nose ever, so I wanna look into that. But I feel like the sleep study stuff
is gonna play into this as well. And that person's unavailable for a month. I reached out to my primary care physician, like, "Can we talk about
these sleep study results?" And they're like, "Yeah, but I'm
out for the next couple weeks." OK, um... And they're like, "You should try
to talk to the sleep study doctor." And then we call the sleep study doctor;
"Oh, I'm out for two weeks." Is everybody at a convention right now? - Is it VidCon for doctors?
- [JORDAN] It's summer vacation. I'm just like – I understand
that it's a very stressful job and I'm not the center of the
universe, but I feel like what are the odds that no one can
see me right now about my problems? [JORDAN] There has to be
a contingency for this. Yeah, I just wanna know. Am I killing myself? Like, am I shaving years
of my life because I'm not getting enough oxygen while
I sleep? And how do I fix it? - [JORDAN] Yes.
- You know what I mean? I mean, not to be – I won't
even go into the details, 'cause they can be a little heavy,
but we've talked about it in the past. My mum got a very severe –
when she finally got her diagnosis, a very severe condition.
- [JARVIS] Yeah. It would have helped
a lot to have known it earlier. We know it because we
followed up several times, like, "Did you look at the brain scan,
by any chance? Did you check it out?" And they were just like, "Yeah, we
got it." I'm like, "No, but did you look?" "'Cause the issue is
that I'm not a doctor, right?" "So it's hard to... When
you show me a brain scan," "it could be a walnut. It
could be a dog's brain." "You could have shown me
a scan of a walnut," "and I would be like,
'It looks like a brain to me.'" It could be a photo of Pickle Rick,
like, "I guess. Is that...?" - "I don't know," yeah.
- "That's the hypothalamus, right?" - Yeah.
- And they're just like... I understand. Yeah, again,
sympathy to the position, - especially in the case of the NHS,
- [JARVIS] 100%. where they're even
more severely underpaid. Especially if you're like
a outpatient physician – oh, inpatient physician, I should say. Um, or care worker. But there is a... As a consequence of that, it's weird to have kind of
a poor management and administration for being alive, in the same way that, like, if my
DoorDash order doesn't turn up I'm like, "They're not getting paid
enough. It's a fucking nightmare." "I'm sure there's
extenuating circumstances." I don't wanna just report them in a
really toxic way or judge them or whatever. I'm sure it's not malice.
But in the same way I'm like, if my DoorDash order was penicillin and I was dying of an
infection, I feel like, yeah, you should really...
This one needs to come to me. All I'm trying to say is, like, I understand the circumstances. But separately, this is my podcast and I get to complain a little bit. I'm scared. I'm scared
and I don't know what to do, and all of the people that are the experts
that I'm supposed to be able to talk to are unavailable, so I'm sitting here with a medical report
about my, like, sleep apnea, and I don't know how to fix it.
I don't know what to do about it. I'm looking at the walnut or
whatever, and I'm like, "I don't..." There's nothing I as an
individual can do right now about this. I need one of you
fuckers who's gone, out of the office. It's the most stressful step between
knowing nothing and knowing everything. - [JARVIS] Yeah.
- It's like you're in Act 2, where all the action is,
and all the stress. I would have preferred them to wait to give me the results until
someone was back in the office. Because then I wouldn't be sitting here with information that I
can't do anything about. Sure. And you have like 31 years
of not knowing the answer. You're a master of not knowing it. Sure, yeah. And so that's fun. But, uh... - All in all...
- Great to have an answer, - or at least a step towards.
- Something, yeah. But I'm just like, how significant is this?
Is this the thing that's contributing? I'm not sure. That's kinda
what I wanna know, and then treatment-wise, what can I do? 'Cause I'm sleeping through the night. I'm sleeping eight hours. I got my Pokémon Sleep, not sponsored. - Uh, and that's honestly pretty fun.
- [JORDAN] Again, if you're interested. Again, yeah, if you wanna come back.
We did a Pokémon Sleep sponsorship for the main channel
video that just came out. And it was like the most exciting
sponsor I've ever done in my life. You can tell. I'm, like,
beaming doing the brand deal. I'm like, "I'll do an extra
20 seconds. It's fine." "Oh, just unrelated, I'm sleepy," "but I can't find a service that helps me
sleep all the way through the night." Yeah, we just hit 2 million subscribers
on the main YouTube channel, which is really exciting for me 'cause I wasn't ever sure
that was gonna happen, 'cause I kinda had a year of - inconsistent posting on main.
- [JORDAN] It was a hot break, yeah. I was posting on GOLD,
doing the podcast stuff, but while I was training for
Creator Clash there were no videos. And, uh, I wanted to get back to it,
and it's like I was talking a lot of talk, um, at least to people in my life, and I was like, "I wanna get
back to this eventually." Me and Jacob didn't believe you. - We said bullshit.
- Jacob didn't believe me. He doubted me every step of the way. - And then we hired him.
- And then we hired him. - That's unrelated.
- 'Cause I like to keep my haters close. Call me Fortnite, 'cause my circle's small. Uh, it's just our circle's closing in. - Yeah, there's poison everywhere.
- Keep my enemies closer. It's a 1v1, me and Jacob. Battle Royale. Um... So, uh, yeah, we did this video that, like,
was a pretty big video for me, um, and it was a lot of kind of the pieces of main channel videos that I
just haven't done in a long time. And it was cool to put everything together. It's been a very long time
since I've, like, worked on something
every single day of the week or scripted multiple days in a row, working, working, working
on the same thing, and also just coordinating. Like, because of the timeline, we ended up working
with a bunch of editors. And, uh... 'Cause we had Keola working
the night shift from Australia. We're handing off the video to him at night for us, morning for him, and then I was on call during the day. And we have a new editor
for the main channel who's done the past few
main channel videos, Aidan, who I wanna bring into the fold more.
Extremely talented editor. Um, and... Yeah, like... Uh, it came out and seems to be going well. People like it. I got
a few texts from friends. At the time we're speaking,
#2 trending, yes? It was on #2 trending. I got a text
from Jacksepticeye this morning and from Kurtis saying
they enjoyed the video, and that warmed my heart. I was like, "Dang, people I know
are actually enjoying this." Did you respond with like a,
"(scoffs) You trended recently?" [JARVIS] Yeah, just me flipping them off. I, in typical Jarvis fashion, have a lot of problems with the video. It's not perfect.
It's not my perfect vision. And I just have to let it go. Like, that's always gonna be the case. There's always gonna be, um, you know, things that
don't make it to time, or... Like I was like, "Oh, if I had
another week, I would..." Like, it would affect nothing
about the performance of the video, but then there would be
a few things where I'm like, "Oh, I wanna fix this joke timing,
or I wanna do this, blah-blah." But ultimately, I'm really happy with it, and it's a great kinda first step in trying
to make main channel videos more regular, - so I'm really excited about that.
- Yeah. And what's the value of perfection if you're still
happy with the product, right? - [JARVIS] Yeah, exactly.
- It's just a type of self-oppression. Though that does make
first steps really hard, - [JARVIS] Yeah.
- like first videos felt way more, I don't know,
like there's... Or all projects, I guess, always feel
as though there is a perfect version. You have to chip away at the marble, whereas the reality is
eventually the stone's just gone and you have this overproduced, often too-fast-paced, - dense kind of, uh...
- Definitely. That's how I feel about Nolan movies, is the score is going the whole time. - Like, "This has had too much sauce."
- [JARVIS] Yeah. Just slow it down.
Chill out a little bit. Fewer drums. The funny thing about that sort of marble analogy is that I wrote the script and then I recorded all the VO. So I recorded the entire script in VO so that we could start placing B-roll and start sort of forming the video, with the thought, "If I don't
like any of these takes," "I can always replace them later.
It's easier to do that in VO." And I talked to Eddy about it 'cause he had done a bunch of
projects with heavy VO recently and it was super helpful. But in the end, I didn't
end up replacing very much. So it's so funny that this was
kinda the first draft, and I was like, "Oh, I don't know if I hit the tone
that I wanted to for this reading," but, um... Ultimately it's like nothing
matters and everything's fine. Oh, yeah. No one has ever... I've never had the experience
of someone coming up and being like, "I like the videos." "I can tell it wasn't quite
what what you wanted it to be." - Yeah.
- Maybe a couple more hours in there. Yeah, in the lab. Uh, a couple more hours in the oven. Real quick, I just wanted to say
we just released a Jarvis Johnson! GOLD-inspired
"You're Premium" collection over on Jarvis.store. It's a merch drop.
We've got a new merch partner. We've been working on it
for a very long time, and I'm finally excited for you to see it. We've got sweatshirts, sweatpants, we got shirts, long-sleeved
shirts, rugby shirts, lots of cool stuff to check out. I can't wait to see
people posting photos in it, so head on over to Jarvis.store
to check that out. Oh, in case I forget, by the way, thank you to all the people
at the Queef Jerky show last week, at time of recording, that came up and said
that they love Sad Boyz and videos and such. Very sweet. That was cute. Somebody made us stickers. Uh, Ethan and the lot,
they made stickers for. It was very cute. Aw.
- It was real nice. Don't do it again. Stay away. Yeah, we – actually... It's upstairs, but I got something sent to the PO box that was also for you. - It's little Sad Boyz bracelets. Very cute.
- Oh, yeah? - Like the beaded ones? Oh, fuck yeah.
- Like the beaded ones, yeah. We can wear them
to represent our friendship. - Yeah, that's true. Uh...
- Give them to the guest. And they just take it, yeah. It's how we track them.
It's got an AirTag in there. - It's loudly beeping.
- Yeah. "Beep! Tracking Jacksepticeye." Like '60s technology. It's so obvious. [JARVIS] It's a full-body suit. "Hey, Jack, you like this hoodie?"
It's a big square on the front of it. It says "Jacksepticeye
tracking device" on it." - That's just like a joke.
- [JORDAN] It's like a bit of ribbing. - Yeah, it's kind of a bit.
- [JORDAN] Some British-style humor. - [JORDAN] You wouldn't know.
- Speaking of British-style humor, there was, um – and the NHS – One of the things
that I cut out of the video was all the bad stand-up comedy
that I watched in VR, and one of the dudes would not stop making fat jokes. - Wouldn't stop making fat jokes.
- British guy? British guy. And then his whole defense – Somebody was like, "Dude,
you make a lot of fat jokes." And he's like, "Oh, are you fat?
I'm sorry." It was like that. And then he's like, "I'm just tired of them clogging up
our NHS, blah-blah." And I was like, "Ah, yes, a
conservative British man." Oh, yeah, the same kind of guy that
then will turn around and say that, like, socialist healthcare only
benefits the lazy or whatever. But then, also, you're
getting in the way of it, and also money doesn't matter, but also I'm rich from being funny. I included one joke
of the same guy going, um, "There's more snowflakes in..." "America than Antarctica," or something
like – it was something weird like that, but no one laughed. It was very funny to hear him
say it on stage, and then crickets. Dude, it's such a... There's, um... All of the, like – - Wait, was that the British guy?
- [JARVIS] Yeah. It's so embarrassing to me when comedians, especially like UK comics, will cosplay American comedy, like talk about American culture
and stuff like that. It's the same shit that, like, Steven
Crowder does despite being Canadian. Like, "Open carry, brother.
Second Amendment." I'm like, "What the fuck are you talking
about? You hunt mooses, or whatever." "You don't have an amendment.
You don't have any of that shit." "All you talk about's free speech,"
a thing they don't have. It's fine, like, to discuss... You know, I'm in... I'm more American than he is.
- [JARVIS] Yeah. Like, come on, brother. I watched a video – You know what I – OK. Here's a pitch for, um, the Sad Boyz: Nightz that's available
exclusively on Patreon.com/SadBoyz for this episode. We can just watch some
of the horrible comedy, 'cause it's so bad. But there's so many jokes
that I couldn't include in the video. - [JORDAN] Is this footage?
- Footage. - [JORDAN] Yeah, nice.
- And I know where everything is, 'cause I just sat there
in the comedy club watching it. There's like a woman heckling, and she will not let somebody tell a joke. She'll just go, "Is this
supposed to be funny?" And it's like... I just... I have footage, you just see me
unmute my mic, and I go, "Hey, do you wanna let him
finish the joke or not?" She goes, "Shut the fuck up." It's so funny. - Oh my god.
- Just getting roasted online. - Yeah, it's just so good.
- That rules. How's the latency on there? - It's good. It's good.
- OK. - It's not like a sense of...
- Everything else, bad. them heckling five seconds after
would make sense, or something? Yeah, maybe, but, uh... None of it makes any sense, and it's
unclear why so many kids are in there. Oh my god, there's so many – I wonder if I could even
show this on Sad Boyz: Nightz. So many uncouth jokes. Kid comes up and goes, "Wanna know what the worst thing is
about being Black and Jewish?" You do not wanna hear
the punchline to that joke. It is – is – it's terrible
and it's not funny. Is the kid Black and/or Jewish? - Unclear. It's an avatar.
- [JORDAN] Ah. Ahhh. You can't wear, like, a shirt that says "100% Black and Jewish," or whatever. [JORDAN] Like a blue check. A Black check. There was a point where, uh, a guy who, you know, gun to my head, I would believe was a Black person, um, said the N-word and then
somebody was like, "Whoa, racism." - [JORDAN] Relax.
- Like a 13-year-old kid goes, "Whoa, you can't say that." And I'm like, "I'm pretty sure he can." [JORDAN] "Brother, brothers,
we are all the same here." And then the British guy who was really upset about not
being able to tell his fat jokes and stuff was like, "So he can do that,
but I can't tell my jokes." And I'm like, "Yeah, man." Yeah, what do you mean? We agree. Yeah, we're
on the same page, sounds like. Yeah, it's wild. There's such a – there's
so much hack comedy. In the UK is like, has
the high peaks and very low valleys, especially older UK stand-up, the tradition of what stand-up is
is so much more formula. It's like very '70s, '80s stand-up still, and panel show-motivated and stuff, so improv and, like, sincere energy is really rare. It's like hard to be
a Birbiglia, for example. But then it's still mean-spirited, so doing heavily rehearsed, optimized
mean-spirited comedy is just so... It's more hack. Like, when Gervais does his
dogshit anti-trans stuff. - [JARVIS] Yeah.
- First of all, genuinely, Ricky Gervais has produced a few foundational things for me, like biggest influences on my comedy ever. His first two specials, in retrospect, a little yikes-y here and there
'cause of the year. It's like 2002. - [JARVIS] Yeah.
- But just a lot of the delivery, some of the comedy,
it just hits so hard for me. I was ten when I saw them or something. And then... Extras is my favorite sitcom ever made. The original Office, lot of sauce to it. - Extras just hit different.
- [JARVIS] Yeah. And then the Christmas
specials, both those, I still cry at the Extras
Christmas special – cry laughing and then
cry at the very end emotionally. To see a fall, not just to being – Like, Chappelle clearly
still has comedy chops, like his presentation has something there. He still goes to the Cellar and
improvises a set that kills, right? But his becoming hacky
and transphobic is, like, sad because - he used to have insights, right?
- [JARVIS] Right. As soon as Gervais decided, like – As soon as
his atheism takes became too cold, before it was just the general consensus... Yeah, he became – he was like
r/Atheism before it was cool. That fucking photo of him on the cross
with "ATHEIST" across his chest? Shameful, embarrassing. His new thing being transphobia is so... He's bad at being a bigot. Like, JK Rowling, for all the things,
is a very efficient bigot. She focuses on it all the time. She's, like, teaming up
with a bunch of Nazis. Gervais is just like, "Hey, hello, miss,
or should I say mister?" - No, uh...
- [JARVIS] Yeah, no. Yeah, no. It is metaverse-tier, I would imagine. Yeah, I can't wait, so we will watch that. 'Cause it's one of those things that... I, like, had a thing in my video
where I was like, "This is the only joke I can show," "'cause the actual things will
get me destroyed on YouTube." Not even a joke. They are –
They are so bad. - But I guess we can watch them on Patreon.
- Are they viable, Patreon-wise? We might have to cut some stuff, but we'll at least get your reaction. Hey, we're little nepotism Patreoners. They can't get rid of us.
We'll tell all their secrets. I'll just text Jack and say, "No." "I'm gonna copy/paste the source code." "I'm gonna leak it again!" - "It'll be like 2015!"
- "I mean the first time." No, Patreon's source code
famously got leaked - in, like, 2015. It was a whole thing.
- Oh, that's right, yeah. Dude, shoutouts, Patreon. - I just saw our friend Nikhil very briefly.
- Oh, where'd you see him? He crashed with me.
He was here for a night. Oh, nice. Uh, I think he was coming
through town for something. Uh, we just watched a movie
and then he had to head out. Yeah. I got a chance to see him. He came and hung out
at my old place for like a night once. Yeah, that was right before
I think I came back, yeah. He – but yeah, while we were hanging out, we talked about Patreon stuff. - [JARVIS] Mmhmm.
- And I was like, "How many people are there
that we knew?" You wanna guess what number he said? - Well –
- Of 250, 200 employees? - Yeah, are they not at 300-something?
- Fuck, probably. Or lower? Yeah. Um... - Six.
- [JORDAN] Yeah! What the fuck? No, but I think it's just 'cause I've been there since, you know? And then also, we saw people
at VidCon and stuff, but... Yeah, it's weird. I mean, it makes sense, 'cause it's been so many years
since we left, but... - It – wow. To think back to that.
- [JARVIS] Normal tech turnover. It has been as long since we were there
now as I worked there. - Yeah.
- Longer. - Yeah, I think it's been longer for me.
- Four years? Yeah. I was only there for like
two and a half to three. Fuck, let's just go back. Let me have a go, please? - One go, please?
- One more game? Let me go Slack just for a little bit? - Let me just hop in the Slack.
- Can I please post too much stuff - in the general Slack?
- Can I please? "Moving to general." Um... Yeah, what a time. Uh... I wonder if anybody has listened to, like, this show and gotten motivated to try and
go into tech stuff. I still do get those, um, DMs from time to time. - I get DMs asking how to get into coding.
- Yeah. You do, yeah. I'm like, "No, I just
look like an engineer." So, we have – We have some stuff here that I feel like we should get into, and I don't know what any of it means. Yeah, let's jump – I know about the
Chinese sun bear. Can we start with that? - What is "Chinese sun..."?
- Oh, there's this... There's this bear. There's this bear in China that just likes to stand up
on its hind legs, and then they had to release a statement that it's not a person in a bear costume. Oh my god, wait. They just
zoomed into the bear's ass, - first of all. Inappropriate.
- [JARVIS] Yeah. Is that to show, like, the folds are
part of a costume or something? Yeah, they're like, "Oh, it's just
a guy with a flat ass." - Shit. Yeah, Hank Hill.
- Yeah, he's got Hank Hill butt. I mean, shit, dude. They're wrong. - That's a guy. That's an animatronic.
- [JARVIS] You're a truther. [JARVIS] You're a truther about it. It looks not as convincing
as the Planet of the Apes mocap. I believe it. I believe it more than
the moon landing, or whatever. If you told me that was a deepfake video, I'd be like, "Wow, they're really close." - Yeah, they're getting there.
- That's AI-generated? - They're getting really close.
- There's a lot of elements of this - that don't look like a real video, yeah.
- Also, how old is this? - I don't know.
- This footage quality is VHS. Yeah. It's like security footage, so I understand, usually,
when that's lower-quality. Yeah. To the audio listeners, it's just a bear standing.
He looks thrilled. He's, like, really happy. Also, he's in swiping range. [JARVIS] Yeah, you should
back up from that bear. - [JORDAN] Can bears jump?
- I know, 'cause if – It's on its hind legs. I'm like, "What's stopping it from leaping?" Especially that faraway shot truly looks like a guy fill-in. It truly
looks like just some fucking dude. I, um, love that this is on the subreddit r/Damnthatsinteresting. Such a Reddit title for a subreddit. Oh, and it's such a
Reddit post, by the way. "Damn, that's interesting!" "Ooh, methinks that gets
an upvote from me, good sir." "Um, gold to you, sir." "I tip my top hat to this post." Do you remember "this win" –
No, not "this wins the Internet." Um... - [JARVIS] "Wins the Internet today."
- And also, uh, - "for the win," of course.
- "Uh, win. FTW." - "This is made of win."
- That's exactly what I was thinking of! "Made of win." Katie did not know that one. - "Made of win," dude.
- She's, what, three years younger than me? - No idea of "made of win."
- That's awesome. What happened? She's just cosplaying as, like, old-school Internet person. She doesn't
fucking know. - [JARVIS] She doesn't frickin' know.
- We were in the trenches. - We fought so she could thrive.
- Yeah. I was talking about
"none pizza left beef" earlier. I'm not even gonna explain that.
That's just for my oldheads. - [JORDAN] For the boys.
- That's just for the old boys. I didn't know what it was,
but I would love to be. Do you guys like me? I was there, dude.
I was eating it. - I'm hungry for beef.
- I'm hungry for beef. Oh, dude, I think my time of pizza
might be coming to a close. - [JARVIS] Me too.
- It is a 48-hour hangover - from having any pizza.
- The last time I had pizza, was when I got
norovirus and food poisoning, so now I've connected one of
my favorite things, which is pizza, with one of the worst ways I've ever
felt in my life. So I've been like, "This is an
opportunity to take a break," "I think, from pizza." I did a little thing I'm a little proud of. I've been feeling very
depressed and so and so for a variety of reasons, and I wanted to try and do things... If I'm only going to stay in my house, what are little things I can do
that feel like progress? - [JARVIS] Right, like go in the metaverse.
- I have 8 months left on my current visa, I know it's probably extendable, but there's just little anxiety pieces. So much of this year
has gone by with so few – there's, like, a lot of stuff
I haven't improved. Food is the biggie. I think that's the source
of my fatigue, primarily. And I bought a – I took our friend Briggon's advice, who, if you look at
a really old episode of Sad Boyz, we're all sat in a hotel.
We're doing an ep. - Maybe the second video episode ever.
- [JARVIS] Episode 25. - [JORDAN] We are...
- [JARVIS] 27? I would say Briggon is the skinniest of the three of us. - [JARVIS] Mmhmm.
- He's now jacked. - He's very jacked.
- Like celebrity jacked. - Yeah, he is.
- He looks really fucking good. - Yeah.
- And, uh... - He looks like a Guardian of the Galaxy.
- Yeah, straight-up Will Poulter-coded. Uh, but we... His whole diet part of that
was just George Foreman grill or panini press, grilled chicken in there
with some seasoning, little bit of asparagus, broccoli, etc. tamp them down 5 to 10 minutes, one piece at a time, - dinner.
- Nice. - My ass?
- Oh, you did it? - Oh, my ass? Yeah.
- Let's go. Speaking of my ass, pizza fucked it up. This did not. Felt OK. My ass, much like a bear, much like a Chinese sun bear. - [JORDAN] My two-dimensional ass.
- Yeah. I actually have a similar update, which is that I've been
on my healthy boy mode. - You got a special thing.
- I did get a special thing. I got a thing to tell me whether or not my body's
burning fat or carbs. - [JORDAN] Not sponsored.
- Not sponsored. But then I also, uh, haven't had soda for a month. That's huge. - [JORDAN] Oh, yeah.
- I've been a big LaCroix boy. Um... Then I've also just been lowering my carbs. Turns out eating a lot
of carbs all the time, not the best for your energy. I mean, it's more, uh, glucose. It's just like all this
extra stuff that I – It's like, "What are you preparing for?" It's like, "Bro thinks he's on the team," but it's like I'm about to
run a marathon or something. Like, you do not need this much pasta. You're going to be Goggins, mon frère. - Yeah, but...
- David Goggins is so fucking annoying, - by the way.
- Yeah, he sucks. "You know he ran until
his legs broke." Why? - Yeah, why'd he do that?
- Don't. That's like Dan Bilzerian being like, "I finished Navy SEAL training
and broke both my legs." - Like, "You're a liar, and who cares?"
- [JORDAN] That's wack. "I told my superior officer
he was a little bitch." - [JARVIS] OK, don't do that.
- It's like when a musician's like, "I actually am gonna die 20 years younger
'cause I put so much into this album." Like, that's not skill.
That's bad organization. - Yeah.
- That's just having no self-control. - Yeah. It's indulgent.
- That's being addicted to running. "Yeah, I actually did a bunch of crack,
and I wasn't scared to keep doing it." "And I wasn't even scared to do it." Um, but yeah, I've also
been eating healthier, so I'm... - [JORDAN] What's your go-to?
- Uh... Eating a ton of salad. Eating a ton of the Starbucks egg bites. - [JORDAN] Not sponsored.
- Um, because I don't like them, but they are tolerable and low-carb and a good source
of fat and protein. Um, eating a ton of poke. - [JORDAN] Oh, very nice.
- Eating a ton of burrito bowls at Chipotle that have brown rice in them,
but that's my treat. - Do you ever make your own poke?
- Haven't done that yet. Very impressive to me. I don't have
the competence to do that. - I don't have the knife skills.
- I'd be scared of the fish. - Yeah, what if it fights back?
- What if I fuck it up? It's full of bones. I have to
go catch that damn thing? - Yeah, I could not do that.
- What am I, a black bear? I've been wasting a lot of money
on food, but it's been, um... It's been good for my diet balance and stuff. And I've been working out. I've been doing walking.
I've been doing running. I've started going to boxing
once a week, just for exercise. Um, so I did that yesterday. Oh, that reminds me
I need to Venmo my trainer. You know what's maybe the best thing? Is that, like, part of the
rewarding aspect of boxing is that I did not, um... Like, the first time I threw a hook when I was training, I hurt my back because I didn't do the motion right. And now I have the muscle memory
to do it, and I couldn't explain... Like, it literally just took
like 1,000 reps or whatever to be able to do it. And now I can do it,
and I feel like I'd be wasting that - to not keep doing it.
- [JORDAN] Right, yeah. It's like a skill, and I'm not
really gonna do it for anything unless I end up doing
something like chessboxing, but I don't have another
Creator Clash in me. Too much training. - Too much punching.
- Too much punching. - Relax.
- Not enough munching, frankly. - No Monster Munch.
- Yeah, no Monster Munch for me. It's so frustrating how exercise
just makes you feel fine. - Yeah, it's starting to piss me off.
- Like, I finally got my bike fixed. - Yeah.
- Beautiful sun out, riding my bike most days to go just
grab a coffee or something, - uphill, get my legs moving.
- Yeah. I just feel better from it, and I wish it was more complicated. I wish it wasn't like, "Eat well,
socialize, and exercise." I know. And meanwhile I'm getting on a
phone call with my psych and I'm like, "Something's magically wrong." "The medication changed.
They made it different." - [JARVIS] "They made it different."
- "It's got soy in it now." Um, I... Like, I got a Apple watch, and if I close my Exercise ring
I feel like a god, and you don't have to do that much
exercise to close your Exercise ring. - What's the...?
- It's like 30 minutes of exercise a day. - Oh, like a tracker ring?
- Yeah, there's a little, um... - Let's see, if I just...
- Ooh. It's like your standing... I'm sorry; I'm getting a notification. It's like your standing hours, your calories burned, and your exercise, and so it's like you just need
to stand for one minute, like for eight hours a day. - [JORDAN] Not sponsored, we should say.
- Yeah, not sponsored. Though, I mean, hey,
we're available, sponsors. Any and all of them we mentioned. LaCroix, any of the Scrub parents-related products. Philz Coffee, of course, is right there. We just bleep all of these. - Yeah, "bleep" Coffee, "bleep" Daddy.
- Just "Philz"? - Yeah.
- Philz "beep." Philz beepy. Um, what is the "cop slide" incident? - What could be the story?!
- What happened?! That's where they're made. That's out of the factory. It's like the Boss Baby intro, but... You go into business or murdering dogs. - Did you say Boston?
- [JACOB] Yeah. Do you think the
police academy's at the top? How does he do that? - I mean, respect, shit.
- He got up quick, so it was like... It's a cop sliding down a –
What would you...? - Like a tunnel slide?
- Yeah. It is a pretty intense slide
for a playground. - [JACOB] He comes out...
- What is happening here? - He's in a Family Guy death pose.
- Yeah. He slides backwards on the top of his head
when he comes out of the tube, - and then slides...
- [JARVIS] Is there a story for this? - Dude, he fucking dropped –
- [JARVIS] His handcuffs are on the ground. The only thing funnier than him
dropping that is his shoes flying off. - That would be the perfect thing.
- It's actually rude as hell that the Boston 25 News
has a screencap of... - [JORDAN] "Major wipe out."
- [JARVIS] Oh my god. Dude, that's parody, dude. What is the news these days? - The mayor talked about it?
- Hold on. "The department says the officer was hurt," "used his personal insurance for care,
and did not charge the city." - [JORDAN] Why?
- "BPD says the officer didn't miss any time," "and he's not facing any disciplinary
action." That was not my concern at all. He's not being disciplined
for being bad at slides? What? "Everything has a chance to be
viral these days," said Mayor Wu. [WU] Everything has a chance
to be viral these days. I feel like we're not talking
about the right stuff here. - [JORDAN] What the fuck?
- Also, I do love that they showed a kid successfully going down the slide
and not having a single issue. Sorry; did nothing happen
in Boston for a while? This should not be on the news.
What are you talking about?! - Crazy. "Boston police officer..."
- Why is it playing – ?! "Major wipe out!" - What is happening to the news?!
- This rocks. - They're playing it again!
- What is going on? Wait, I do wanna see
the kid do it. Wait, go back. [JORDAN] Yeah, all good. - That's the kid he was chasing.
- "That's awesome. I'm gonna do it again." What did he do?
He oiled himself up beforehand. You would have to start backwards, 'cause there's not enough space
to rotate around. Returned to his home planet. This actually has the same energy
as the guy choking on boba. Yeah. I'm like – OK, here's the thing. - Is it OK to laugh at somebody getting hurt?
- [JORDAN] Yes. Yes. Yeah, I mean,
the guy's OK. And, I mean, there's so much
violence that the police do. - Yeah. I mean, come on, man.
- [JARVIS] Yeah, whatever. It's funny. He's cool. Maybe – - Maybe a damn criminal spun him around.
- Yeah. He shot the slide. [JORDAN] The slide had a candy bar. He, like, pulls out his gun
right after he shoots out of it. - [JORDAN] Yeah, his instincts kick in.
- Yeah. - That's why his handcuffs flew out.
- "Stop resisting!" - Oh, god.
- Calls 300 cops for backup. Oh my god. They all roll up. Oh my god. Turn it into,
fucking, a cheese shredder. The most severe cop injury
outside of COVID. - Yeah.
- [JORDAN] It's just that. Yeah, that's what they mean when
they say being a cop is a dangerous job. You might fly out of a slide. The mayor talked about it. Why did...? There's so many things. - Like, why did the mayor talk about it?
- [JORDAN] She went there, too. Why did she go to ground zero, dude? She went to the scene of the crime. - Oh, that's awesome.
- Surprised they didn't interview the slide. I wonder what the death rate
is on slides. Not zero. With motherfuckers like this
speedballing down it? Yeah, how did he do that?
What did he do? It looks like they shot him out of a gun. The ultimate irony. Yeah, maybe he was
being fired at a criminal. Yeah. It kinda does look like one of those action park slides,
where it's like dangerous. But they showed a kid going down it, so they clearly didn't close the slide. I'm just like, "How did he
get into that situation?" That's also the, uh... That was like the exact setup
for a Final Destination death. Like, you get turned 'cause
somebody drops an ice cream and he slips on it, turns around,
and his head spins 360°. Jumping back in... Uh... Is there anything else we should
get to before we wrap up? - Do you wanna do your TV show mini quiz?
- Yeah, my TV show mini quiz. All right, Jordan has a... - Do you wanna set it up?
- Play the theme. (singing indistinctly)
This is, welcome to the... It's Jeopardy, levels are good, - but none of the rules, though...
- It's Jeopardy levels are good. - Not the rules of Jeopardy.
- Actually, let's make it the – The answer has to have "what's going on?"
or whatever it is. All right, I'll answer
in the form of a question. Yeah, what if the answer was
just like, "Uh, the planet Earth?" It just has to be a question.
You don't have to frame it. Like the aliens. That's what they say. 'Cause we found aliens, by the way,
since the last Sad Boyz. It just happens to exclusively
be from whistleblowers that nobody wants to punish,
despite the fact that typically they throw whistleblowers
in a biomechanic machine. They throw them in the slide,
the Boston playground slide. - Yeah, that guy was a snitch.
- Yeah. I made a little game,
yes I did, yes indeed. It's kinda motivated by a
impromptu segment we had - a half-dozen episodes ago,
- [JARVIS] OK. - where we looked at network TV shows
- [JARVIS] Right, yes, we did. and we were surprised
by the dogshit titles. So I have collected three sets of similar network TV show titles. Most of these are still
on the air; some are not. And I want you to guess
which ones are fake. - [JARVIS] OK, great.
- In the first block, there is one fake. In the second block, two fakes;
third block, two fakes. - OK.
- So this time, just one fake. - Special Ops.
- All right. Rescue Special Ops. - Is it "rescue, colon"?
- No. This one is. No, wait, this one also
is not for some reason. Special Ops Mission. Special Ops: Online. Special Ops: Lioness. What?! And finally, Special Ops: Crime Squad UK. If Lioness is real... - What?!
- OK, walk me through it. - So, Special Ops.
- Special Ops, I – so, first off... Gun to my head, I would say
all of them are fake. Yeah, come on, man. Just SEO-wise
I feel like I can't... Special Ops. There's so many that
some of them have to be real. If I forget "Lioness," I'm never
gonna find the damn thing. Lioness is such a strange, out-there word, but I also don't think
you would make it up. Because how would you
possibly think of Lioness? "Does that come up a lot?"
I'm mainly focused on bears that stand up. The original, I do think it would be funny
if there's no original Special Ops. They just come out of the gate
with Special Ops: UK Edition, or whatever. [JORDAN] Rescue Special Ops. Yeah, Special Ops, Rescue Special Ops,
Special Ops Mission, Special Ops Online, - Special Ops: Lioness...
- Special Ops Online is fucking hilarious. - Special Ops: Crime Squad UK.
- Special Ops Online? - You've got mail!
- That's what I'm thinking, yeah. - "You shot..."
- "You shot males!" Um... "You shot slide." - Uh, I'm gonna go with Special Ops Online.
- Correct. - Yes!
- Nice! - Yes!
- Which means Lioness is real. - I just...
- And so is Rescue Special Ops and Special Ops Mission,
no colons to be found. That is crazy. I think, um... I think... the only reason I didn't put Lioness is because it's so out there that I feel like it would be
impossible to make it up. [JORDAN] I know. I wish
I had that kind of power. What?! Zoe Saldaña?! - [JARVIS] What?!
- [JORDAN] It's like a real show. On like a network. On Paramount+,
if you can believe it. Nicole Kidman?! Morgan Freeman?! [JORDAN] Excu – wait, what the fuck? - Special Ops: Lioness?!
- Dave An-nay – Anna – I don't know who that is. - There's three episodes.
- Whoa. - This is crazy.
- 57 on Rotten Tomatoes. OK. Made by Taylor Sheridan.
That's the guy that – He directed Hell or High Water,
which people loved, but he's the guy
that makes all the shows called, like, 1866 Yellowstone is a show of his. Every year a new show comes out where a guy is open-carry
and says stuff like, (Southern accent) "These days, no genders
is gonna get on my farm," or whatever. He just makes 15 of those shows a year. - That's crazy.
- Also, look at the photo – Wait, can I read the
series info real quick? "Joe attempts to balance her
personal and professional life as the tip of the CIA's spear
in the war on terror." Oh, the famous war on terror
that was extremely successful. "The Lioness program enlists crews
to operate undercover alongside Joe," "among the power brokers
of state terrorism." Wait, is this...? Is this girlboss CIA? - [JARVIS] I guess.
- Is that the pitch? It's, uh, what's that one
that John Krasinski was in? Oh, uh, the... Jack Ryan. Jack Ryan. Yeah, it's like Joe Ryan. Tom Clancy's Phil Lord. Tom Clancy's Lioness. Too much war content, America. Well, let me tell you. Are you in the mood
for some Chicago content? - OK. OK.
- [JORDAN] Chi-town! I'm aware of Chicago as a place. I'm also aware that there are Chicag-shows, as I like to call them. Um, all right, yeah, hit me.
There's two fakes in this one. Yeah. One I did not include, but could not stop being tempted, was just a show called Chicago Deep Dish. - Is that a real show?
- No. - Oh. I was going to lose it.
- Too easy. Chicago, colon, Deep Dish. "The deepest dish
is the crimes in Chicago." - The deep state, the deep dish.
- The deep-state dish. OK, we have... - The Chicago Code.
- OK. Like Da Vinci, I guess. Chicago Nights. Chicago PD. Chicago Med. Chicago Justice. It's like telling a story. - Went to the cops and then hospital.
- And then justice. You sued. - Chicago Party Aunt.
- One more time? - Chicago Party Aunt.
- OK. - That is weird.
- Chicago: A Cop Story. - Interesting.
- The Chicago Code. Leave your guesses
in the comments, of course. - Yeah.
- The Chicago Code. Chicago Nights. Chicago PD. Chicago Med. Chicago Justice! Chicago Party Aunt. Chicago: A Cop Story. - So, Chicago Party Aunt is another...
- There's two in this one, I should say. - Huh?
- In this one there's two fakes. Right. So I'm just saying, like, Chicago Party Aunt is like a Lioness, where I'm like, "What is that, even?" Like, how did you come to those words? [JORDAN] I was hanging with my aunt! Um... Chicago Nights, just because of Sad Boyz: Nightz, our Patreon-exclusive podcast
that'll be happening directly after this episode
of Sad Boyz, is, um... That's on my list, I'm thinking. And then the other one... There's no Chicago Online? - [JORDAN] Chicago Deep Dish?
- Chicago Med, Chicago Justice... OK, my other pick is, uh,
the Chicago – - What was it, Chicago: A Cop Story?
- [JORDAN] A Cop Story. Yeah, OK. My picks are Chicago: A Cop Story and Chicago, um... Nights. - You sure?
- Yeah. Would you like to go orange, as they say on the UK version of Who Wants
to Be a Millionaire? - What does that mean?
- 'Cause the multiple choice turns orange - when it's confirmed.
- Oh, yeah. - "Would you like to go orange?"
- Yeah, I'm down to go orange on this. - You are completely correct.
- No way! - Yeah.
- Wow. Chicago Party Aunt is
a real show, by the way. - Can we look that one up, Jacob?
- It's a Netflix show, so we can watch it. Chicago... "Diane, AKA
the Chicago Party Aunt, is always the life of the party as she helps neighbors
and stays true to her mantras." Man, the rating's worse than "Yellowbone"
or whatever the other show was called. Wait a second. Program creator
is Jon Barinholtz, - like Ike Barinholtz's brother?
- [JORDAN] Oh my god, what? - Yeah.
- Yeah, he looks like him. Wow, he looks too much
like him. Oh, yeah, there you go. Yeah. What? Let's have a look at his kids. - Jamie, pull up his children.
- Yeah. "Jamie." - Pull up his family tree.
- Young Jamie, let's get up a conspiracy theory that I'm gonna
spread to my large audience. Pull up his Lioness, Jamie. - [JORDAN] All right, final set.
- OK, here we go. This one, less... I've taken away the naming theme. These ones are more broad strokes, but some of the funnier ones
I saw and enjoyed. Uh... - There's two fake ones again.
- OK. - Plain Sight.
- Plain Sight. - P-L-A-I-N.
- Oh, as in like... Yeah. - "I saw it in plain sight."
- Yeah. Though Plane Sight, like a pilot,
would be really clever. - Yeah, that would be clever.
- Plain Sight. Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. I do know of Criminal Minds.
I don't know about that. [JORDAN] Uh, sus, Among Us,
make sure to like the video. - [JORDAN] And Freddy Fazbear.
- Criminal Minds: Amoogus. - [JORDAN] Five Nights at Freddy's.
- Amoongo. Prime Suspect USA. - No Time, All Crime.
- [JARVIS] No way. The Closer. Baywatch Nights. - Baywatch Surf Police.
- What? Baywatch Forbidden Paradise. You see why I included these? Did you say Forbidden Surf Police? Baywatch Surf Police and
Baywatch Forbidden Paradise. - Oh, OK. Baywatch Forbidden Surf Police
- [JORDAN] Yeah. And Baywatch Nights. is maybe the most incredible
collection of words. OK. - And then Baywatch Forbidden...? Jutsu?
- Paradise. - Oh, OK, yeah. Forbidden Paradise.
- [JORDAN] Horny jutsu. - All right, here we go.
- Yeah, Baywatch Shadow Clone. OK. The Closer seems real enough. Plain Sight doesn't look like
the name of a show, but whatever. Prime Suspect USA feels... All these feel like
they could be something. I feel like there's something
in the Baywatches. It's in the water. Is it insane to pick another "Nights"? - Baywatch Nights...
- Who's to say? I don't know. - [JORDAN] It's all jazz, baby.
- OK, one of mine is gonna be Baywatch Nights. Um... Another one, just 'cause it feels
like something Jordan would say, is No Time For Crime.
So those are my two picks. - It's, uh, No Time, All Crime.
- No Time, All Crime. I'll pick that one. Jacob, make sure
to put the comma in there. 'Cause I made it up. Yeah, so you're correct
with No Time, All Crime. - What was the other guess?
- Baywatch Nights. - Would you like to go orange?
- Yeah, I wanna go orange. - Wrong!
- No! You want a second guess?
We have Plain Sight, - Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior...
- OK, can I go with Surf Police? - Correct, yes.
- Yes! OK. I'd say you get one mulligan.
Of all of those choices? Surf Police feels real.
It felt realer than Nights. It's weird that Forbidden Paradise
is not an issue at all. Surf Police is awesome. Also, Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior. I get it's like a homonym, right?
"Suspect" behavior? In my brain, you could put
anything behind "Criminal Minds:" and I feel like they
would have made the show. Prime Suspect USA is fun. The Closer stars Kyra Sedgwick, who was on a show I was a producer on a handful of years ago,
a Kevin Bacon audio fiction podcast. And she was lovely.
Kevin Bacon, also very nice. - Really into recycling.
- All right! Um, I... That reminds me... I was watching They Cloned Tyrone, and... I'm not gonna explain the context, but there's a moment in the movie where I'm watching it, and then
there's a character that shows up, and I go, "Is that
Kiefer Sutherland?" and it was. - Whoa.
- Yeah. It's weird that Kiefer Sutherland
isn't in all those Yellowstone-type shows, right? He should be a lock.
Maybe he's, like, done. That said, according to sources,
he's kind of a lib. He's maybe not
conservative enough to do that. Maybe he reformed after doing
so much agitated propaganda in 24. I rewatched the first episode
of 24 kinda recently - and I was like, "Holy shit."
- It's crazy. Yeah, it's like the "torture is cool" show. Mmhmm, and then also like, "Oh, look, I know we're not supposed to..." There's so many conversations
in the first couple seasons of that show where they go, like, "Yeah,
we shouldn't profile. But we're right." - Yeah.
- Like, "They do do that!" "Look, I don't wanna
do the torture, but it works!" "It's famously good at what it is, and
lie detectors are real too!" "Fucking look what he's wearing.
Obviously I have to check him." "He's gotta be a part
of the crime syndicate." "One of those guys." Yeah, 24's so weird. - I was so into it in college.
- No, me too. And then something in my brain
when I got older clicked, and I'm like, "Oh, this is kind of
like a Jason Bourne-style" – or actually more accurately
like a Jack Ryan, where, "Hey, you might not like the CIA," "but did you know that you can wear shorts
and Oakleys just like the rest of us?" - "We're just normal guys."
- In 24's defense, which it doesn't need, it did come out, like,
September 12th, 2001, or something. It came out like right
on the heels of that sort of – America was in a different place
when 24 premiered. And it had to escalate to,
like, immediately bioweapons, 'cause I'm sure if you made it
in 2000 it'd be like, "Yeah, like they blow up
a building or something." But then that happened. Like, "Oh, fuck, they blow up... the city?" 24 premiered – So, it takes
a while to make a show. 24 premiered November 6th, 2001. - What?!
- Yeah, it is like... - Oh, shit.
- It is like in the thick of it. They're so lucky it didn't come out before, 'cause everyone would be like,
"It was 'cause of 24." "24 told them to do it." There was that show that came out before 9/11 that had a
plane hijacking or whatever, and they pulled the show
after 9/11 happened. There's that trailer from
the first Spider-Man movie where he puts a big web between the towers. - Really?
- Mmhmm. The first trailer came out in 2000. There is a, uh, cut scene
from Lilo & Stitch where they experience a plane crash. They're, like, trying to prevent
a plane from crashing on the island, and because of the timing of everything
they took it out of the movie. But it's still around.
It's not even lost media. - I think it's out there.
- Oh my lord, dude. That's so unfair. Yeah. Um... I'll limit my joke about 9/11. Well... That sounds like a nice,
full episode of Sad Boyz. - [JORDAN] It's enough.
- It's a good one. I think we're going to now move on to watching some of my deleted, because it's too horrible
to show on YouTube, um, scenes from the metaverse video
that I just put out on my main channel. Check it out if you haven't. We end every
episode of Sad Boyz with a particular phrase: - We love you.
- And we're sorry. [JARVIS & JORDAN] Boom! [FRIENDLY VOICE] Welcome to Zombo-com.
This is Zombo-com. [THE SAME VOICE, NOW SLIGHTLY MENACING]
Welcome. You can do anything on Zombo-Com. Anything at all. [THE VOICE, NOW INTENSE & THREATENING]
The only limit is yourself. - Whoa.
- Welcome to Zombo-com. (outro music)
