jared/richard moments from silicon valley - season 1

[Music] uh yeah i think i've seen that written around hey gavin is running 30 minutes late but you should know he is very excited to see you richard oh here he comes so can i call you back in a second so richard hendricks is here there you are richard i i'm so sorry these gentlemen have kept you waiting so here's the thing i love what you did really filament jared now as you know huli is seen as possibly the most progressive company in the world part of that is gavin's commitment to social justice but part of it is his personal commitment to the people that work at hooli and that spirit gavin is prepared to give you a very substantial raise and a promotion to go with it there's a lot of money [Music] you know i actually have to i've gotta go to the bathroom gotta pee ah there's a desperate i'm bursting i'll be right back but right now okay 10 million no maybe i didn't mean to snap at you i'll we'll i'll talk in a bit won't be long holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is that uh that is jared dunn he worked for gavin belson hey sorry if i scared you i know i have some like ghost-like features my uncle used to say you look like someone starved a virgin to death yeah i can see it i heard you were having a launch party yeah am i early no oh well then uh a gift of congratulations now if gavin's here you should know that i've turned him down i'm going with peter gregory i'm actually picking up my check tomorrow so i've made my decision that's not why i'm here it's just watching you say no to 10 million dollars to build your own thing there's just something very exciting about that whoa whoa whoa what is he doing here it is a private party buddy i'm gonna have to ask you to leave oh i didn't mean you know in the state of california you can kill a man for entering your house uh permission okay i understand uh thank you oh richard i just want to say i really respect what you're doing here and if you could ever use someone with my business development skill set i would love to be a part of this the [ __ ] you will be we'll call you when we want pleated khakis that's a [ __ ] domestic why why were you so mean to him he wasn't spying on us he just said he likes us he wants to join the company of course he does richard let me explain something to you is this plans that are created in support of new adventures or to implement profound changes in existing [Music] country [Music] hi this is richard hendricks is now a good time uh i need some help [Music] who's chevy volt is that out front uh jared duns what why why is he here well because as you know i need some advice on the business plan you're cutting him in um so um i ironed out our customer acquisition strategy and i wrapped our financials i did a dcf valuation most species can't even do that math but something tells me peter is different i think we can jump into the one-on-ones with each team member to see if i can defend our cat table okay um but first if you don't mind i'd like to use the restroom uh yeah well you don't have to ask permission to do that why have you not gone since you've been here i have not well we'll go i mean look out this is weird i know right it's what everybody's been doing it guilfoyle did this it's just a formality to get me caught up so what makes you a value to the piper team um programming i guess pretty good at code uh develop algorithms so forth different from the type of algorithm richard created well yeah like not as good richard's a 10x or i'm like barely an xer kind of suck yeah i don't know me and rich have just always kind of like been in this together you know together right but to be clear richard created the algorithm on his own yes oh yeah i had nothing to do with that he's my best friend that's true yes um the camaraderie is quite apparent but peter gregory demanded a lean ruthless business plan and i don't think that the ceo of microsoft has a paid best friend sergey brin does larry doesn't do [ __ ] what if bighead is sort of like a floating utility player kind of like a like a jack of all trades but by his own admission he's really more like a master of none that's true that is true which is not something you generally reward with several points in what may someday be a multi-billion dollar company this will never fly with peter gregory i mean i agree with these guys jared's just not working out what um richard i uh don't want to be too assertive here but i could use your input on a few things for the business plan jerry can i borrow your car sure but i have a car what's wrong with my car i just have just i don't know all right well remember to be an [ __ ] a real [ __ ] i'm awake i'm awake what no no i wasn't i was sleeping i'm sorry for for sleeping and for lying about it for both no good this is my company it was my idea and we do what i say and what i say is jared put big head in the business plan he gets the same amount of shares as everybody gavin belson just offered me a huge promotion for 600 grand a year to steal me away from you guys what yeah for revenge because you took jared so you're like the vp of spite oh but you have to do me a favor should i get half of his shares i do i get it okay i get all of it big head man congratulations on the job really but if you'll excuse me i have to go lock down a [ __ ] business plan jared you're with me jared i uh bought these t-shirts with my credit card but i think i'm close to being maxed out so yeah um we may have a little problem there peter gregory's check so so it's made out of pie piper incorporated i checked with the secretary of state website and there's already a pie piper operating in california so we need to change our name oh thank god yeah praise the dark lord that's great news no it's not great news we love the name pine piper it's a classic fairy tale well i've looked it up it's about a predatory flowers to murders children in a cave it has all that going for it richard and i still hate it richard if we are going to change the name we need to do it now name stick my name's only jared because gavin called me that on my first day my real name is donald but jared we already bought the t-shirts i can't take these back it was an online order gentlemen hey it's our own personal herb cohen who herb cohen is a famous negotiator wrote a bunch of textbooks no what i understand i think you closed the name well i guess it's still a little a jar i don't know who am i herb cohen i don't know who that is neither do i that's a that's a jared thing hello mr garris yes this is richard uh from the company that is rightly called piper that's right no no no you listen to me okay we had a handshake deal and that may not mean a lot to you but where i come from that means a whole lot okay you agreed to sell me that name for a thousand dollars so let me ask you this are you an honest man or are you a goddamn liar okay yes same address what are we gonna do if you keep screaming your name it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human fine four grand not but that's not the deal we shook on it two thousand final offer we could do two that's reasonable no we can't do two jared it's not reasonable at all look we shook hands on a thousand dollars that's the deal richard um could i speak to you okay yeah he's the least cool guy i've ever met i heard about what's been happening i have to say i'm a little disappointed yeah yeah i don't know i don't know what i was thinking yes i mean um is there a reason i wasn't invited to the party is there some sense that i'm not part of the gang whatever uh jared of course not uh it was just uh an oversight i mean we weren't even sure if we were gonna go uh-huh was it like there were there gelatin shots nope no uh it was stupid and loud uh honestly you're better off i suppose i i had a fine night i uh i had some pollock paneer and i watched a documentary about liberia but then i i woke up to this um unexpected development do you do you really want erlich on the board because i'll support you no no i don't at all i was drunk i don't know how to get out of it i mean what am i going to say to peter gregory well if you don't sign the documents and you don't give them to peter gregory then it won't happen simple as that really i wow okay that is a relief jared thanks um i'm glad you're around well keep that in mind for future parties honestly uh sometimes we forget you're here guys company photo time out back let's go yeah maybe you did blow him i bet everything love and hate it's all passion okay uh read that back to me pie piper's mission is to bring its unique compression algorithm to our right should know about living in this house is i do not tolerate substance abuse it's okay just take a breath that's fine i'm fine uh we just let's get through this okay so read that back to me okay pie piper's mission hey guys hope you don't mind the front door was just open that's funny isn't it you guys wanna walk to arby's maybe grab a bite play little hacky sacks yeah i should probably get back to work anyway i mean you know not work exactly i don't i don't work but you know just get back to huli sit around all day and get paid a bunch of money to do nothing you know weird you ready you know what you're going to say you want to run it by me oh no i got this [ __ ] like i turned down 10 million dollars to build this thing you know ambition i will show you [ __ ] vision i like this new angry side to you being around angry people relaxes me because i know where i stand richard it's jared are you okay hey buddy what's uh what's going on here i thought i had something in my teeth and but when i looked over right i looked in the mirror like this um my pants they hit the counter top and that must have some water on there right so i've got a spot on my pants kind of look like i piss myself like a big baby so what i did was i just took off all my pants and i put it in the water just to make it all completely wet you know that way i figured no one really noticed you know it wouldn't be as bad i got under control i've sorted it out yes so you felt this wouldn't look as bad understood yeah but richard um consider that maybe this might not be the best choice for the meeting yeah oh what the [ __ ] am i doing i can't go like this to the meeting i have no vision yes you do i believe in you no no i literally have no vision all i see is stars and swirls i cannot see right now okay okay let's get your pants on and richard jared you in there hey uh there's some weather over the ocean so peter would love to get started you guys ready yep all good be there in a jiffy okay jared i'm on a carpet in a bathroom yeah okay um i know this isn't the best thing to say to someone having a panic attack but we need to hurry here doing okay that's much better nope worse um i'm gonna stay here i think because i look absurd yeah yeah so what are you gonna say [ __ ] i don't know [Music] richard can you explain this to me um what i just got a text from a friend of techcrunch pie piper just got into this year's startup battlefield oh really oh that's so cool no no it isn't we're already seated richard why would we enter a startup competition at a tech conference i sent in the application a few months ago and i totally forgot about it relax i will withdraw relax this house is chaos i gave up a great job in stock options at hooley to come here because i thought pie piper could be viable but it never will be unless we make some changes we need to operate like a business or we're not going to richard richard i thought maybe you guys could just take your food into the living room so you want to have a meeting in the room where all the food is well we eat our food in the room where all the computers are guys just five minutes please okay you see this this is a case in point this is a company and yet we have no boundaries and no protocol we need to establish a clear corporate culture or we're not going to make it take the nation guild foil they are wasting an enormous amount of time arguing what if we were to separate them right divide their existing workspace into two areas we can put in some kind of portable barrier he's talking about cubicles we're not doing cubicles no way no no no don't think of it as a cubicle just think of it as a a neutral colored enclosure about yay high around your workspace okay fine but do you know who uses cubicles every single fortune 500 company why because they work he's trying to turn us into corporate rock richard no we are punk rock if i had known we could have withdrawn your application before any of this happened this is exactly why we need to have clear lines of communication i know jared i know listen i'd like to institute an organizational system called scrum scrum is designed to stress one hour ago no it wasn't lusty uh what's going on why did you do drm i said i would do drm you would do error handling anything to do with errors sounds like your whole vibe yeah i handle errors from you every day yes i know these guys i really don't think scrum is gonna work for them okay we'll just trust in the system so we're gonna work at a nice leisurely pace right you know i'm kevin okay kevin um we're from pi piper we spoke earlier yes you guys are [ __ ] huh no no we're not [ __ ] yes we are totally [ __ ] we have a live demo in one week and our cloud is in the [ __ ] that's accurate where are you richard yes i am yeah you're uh algorithm is solid it's uh really good schema okay thanks i did think you'd be younger what are you 25 i'm 26. yikes what's it gonna take a [ __ ] because richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis [Laughter] now you make me laugh shaggy man all right i'm in i'll see you guys friday okay well done you really think that you can come between me and richard hendricks we're partners okay and i've devoted every second of my waking life for the past two months to him okay i am devoted to him and to the precious thing that we're building together i'm his partner i can tell when he's vomiting because he's nervous never vomiting because he had cilantro which he loves but he shouldn't have because it makes him no i had no idea that you felt this way i mean it i am so sorry he cleared it all up for me jared really yeah he's your partner right yeah he is one of many probably too many how could i not have seen this obviously you're not obsessed with me richard it's none of my business but be safe okay so uh jared hey thank you for what uh you know everything i feel like we don't appreciate you enough so thank you are you are you crying are you crying ah don't do that don't cry oh [ __ ] i i gotta get back to work i i i need to focus jesus are you okay then what yeah i okay yeah all good they uh they let me go who let you go when was the last time you slept jared yeah absolutely david what are we talking about gents guys richard's been locked in here for almost two hours do we think he's okay yeah what happened what happened what happened we just won the cup

Channel: natjennie

Views: 61,723

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Id: bHU9jJt1Amo

Length: 19min 53sec (1193 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 28 2021