Janitors, What's The Worst Thing You Had To Clean Up?

janitors have read it what is the most wtf you've ever had to deal with i didn't see it happen but from what i heard a very well-dressed woman in those big bargain sunglasses just walked into an art opening event at a gallery pulled up the skirt on her dress squatted and took a crap and a little tinkle right in the middle of the gallery floor she then walked right on out no one knew if it was art or not and the gallery folk decided not to say anything so the guests wouldn't be worried about it they called me let the event run its course and i walked into an empty hardwood floored room with a drawing neatly piled human turd right in the middle of it comma no one knew if it was art or not and that right there is how you can tell that the art world has become a parade for posers and idiots and conmen my wife cleaned a theater art gallery for a while one day after a concert found that someone had broken a glass into a urinal and then vomited into said urinal when i was 15 i worked at a big grocery store as part of the maintenance team being the rookie i had to clean both male and female bathrooms almost every time i went to clean the male bathroom i would find raw sausages in the urinals i was a kid so i don't know why some idiot thought he was so funny leaving those for me to find they were probably shoved up some big burly man's butthole i've brought this up before but when i had just hit 18 i was hired at mcficking shoot me specifically i was supposed to do maintenance and janitorial duties on the playground well on the day in question i close off the playground and begin my decent into the plastic sock sweat smelling heck him in the slide scrubbing dried something in this smell hits me it's a smell you don't forget it lingers in your head and makes you go nuts wondering what did you do to deserve this crap this little crap so i start trying to find the peekaboo poo and i can't find it to save my life i hear yelling in the lobby i run out there to find a whale of a man screaming at a 16 year old new girl cashier you done got what you deserve shoulder gave emmy what i asked for this grown butt man easily in his forties had smeared crap all over the men's bathroom he pee in and on everything the smell was gag-worthy apparently it was my job to clean it up by the way the thing he asked for he ate all his apple pie and decided post consumption that it was too cold and demanded a new one when the girl stated she couldn't replace an already eating item he decided to handle crap his way he decided to handle crap his way i believe he went ahead and decided to take this phrase a bit too literally i used to work at a community college doing janitorial cleaning overnight one night i walk into the girls restroom in the library and i'm hit with the worst smell i've ever had a displeasure of smelling i open up the first stall and there is a crap in the toilet that is literally as long as my forearm and twice as thick i can only imagine the amount of pain this woman had to endure trying to give birth to this massive turd in the end i had to use the plunger and cut it up so it would eventually get sucked down the drain what would normally take me 15 minutes to clean took an hour also in general the woman's restroom is always dirtier than the men's what is with women that just leave use tampons and pads on toilets comma tampons i am now imagining a pontoon boat made of giant tampons not a janitor but i still feel horrible for this i'm a paramedic and was taking an inter-facility transfer of a guy with a bowel obstruction doctor has just given the patient a laxative and assures me it will take a few hours to work when we are about 10 minutes away from the hospital the patient starts farting and i get a bad feeling i tell my partner who is driving to speed up we back into the air and the patient tells me he has to use a bathroom i tell him there's a bathroom on the other side of the air and since we will pass by it on our way upstairs we can stop we get to the bathroom lower the gurney and he stands up liquid brown crap goes everywhere he waddles into the bathroom i ask one of the nurses if there is a mop and i'll clean it up she calls housekeeping meanwhile homeboy has been in the bathroom for like 10 minutes i finally tell him i'm coming in and what i'm greeted by has to be a world record amount of crap everywhere completely covering the floor the patient's legs upon all four walls the entire toilet is covered get him wrapped up in a clean sheet and upstairs my partner and i come back down and this poor little lady who doesn't speak much english is looking shell-shocked and working feverishly to clean up the endless crap i offer to clean it for her and apologize profusely she tells it's okay and won't let me help i've never felt as bad for someone as i did her that day i read every reply on this thread and yours was really nice because you seem to have empathy at least you offered to help and didn't blast the patient like others on here have thanks for being a paramedic i remember this janitor that we had in high school he looked just like diamond dallas page whenever he would walk in the cafeteria we'd all throw up the diamond cutter sign i don't think he liked it plot twist it was diamond dallas page i worked as a janitor for about a year and a half late one night i was helping another janitor clean out a bail bonds office it's about 1 30 a.m really bad neighborhood neither of us give a crap my comrade is an old guy from the dominican republic hilarious accent really really bad sense of humor i'm mopping in the back when i hear him yell don don i found your girlfriend hahahaha come up here don i walk up to the front standing in the doorway is a busted grimy nasty wrinkled old lady seekhed in her mid-50s he grins at me and says i'll let you two get to know each other before i can say a word he quickly walks back to the bathroom and starts mopping the sea kid takes a step into the office hey mister can i get some change change for the bus she's fidgeting her eyes are darting around i suddenly remember that we are not supposed to let anybody into the building i advance and block her way number the buses aren't freaking running anyway um hey three dollars she pulls an old busted butt pocket radio from her pocket the kind radio shack used to sell in the late 1970s three dollars it works good she starts turning dolls nothing not even static number her eyes widen she tries to take a step inward i block her she suddenly gives me a strained smile ten dollars you got a rubber you want to party heck number i literally body checked her shoved her out of the doorway and locked it behind me i could hear the old islander laughing his butt off she stood out there staring through the glass for a good five minutes while i swept up the front office i like my new job better you know loose debris can get sucked up into the air conditioning vents and when that happens i have to spend the entire day crawling around inside the wall and i don't like that you know why cause there's not enough air i've hallucinated i spent a day inside that wall thinking i was a mermaid so here's the thing you don't throw around loose trash and i won't have to waste an entire workday granting the wishes of imaginary fishermen dynamite reference brown bear i am currently working as a janitor for a construction mill my job is to essentially clean the bathrooms and clear the walkways the usual stuff so i'm cleaning the men's restroom over in the steel mill part of the site and for the past five weeks i've been finding em pipes full pieces of pipes along with the bag they come in and they are either sitting by the sink or someone tries to flush them and i have to fish it out you know the more i read about stuff like this the more i am absolutely convinced we are really just the biggest most over developed monkeys there are the planet is just basically one big zoo and that thing we call humanity basically one big monkey crap fight at the zoo my first job aside from having a paper route as a 12 year old was being a housekeeper at a hotel when i was 15 pretty gross stuff condoms spill drinks pubies etc etc when you open up a room you're never quite sure what you're going to see but if you're lucky they tied it up a bit for you and if you're extra lucky they left in an open beer or two anyway i walk into this one room and the bed is literally soaked in blood mostly in the middle just covered i was so scared i called my boss and he said just toss the sheets so i did then i moved on to the bathroom and checked the crappy plastic ice bucket to make sure it didn't have water or anything in it and bam the whole thing is jam-packed full of massive bloody pads freaking terrible i had to clean it all up i'm sure i'm already late and i'm not a janitor but i was a student that would help the janitor with whatever whenever sometimes he would even pull me out of class to help him and i was down to clown well anyway one day i was helping on a saturday because he really needed it and he said he would give me lunch so i thought why not i showed up with him and we walk into the library and it smelled like crap of course what smells like crap more than crap so of course we found crap but it wasn't on the group it was on the piano in the middle of the library we were baffled because the library was completely locked up then he had the realization that there was an event above it so someone squatted down above the air vent and took a crap it landed right on the piano and we had to clean it up it was more him than me but still i was there the brown note the poop trail we had a kid walk into the dining hall obviously in need of the bathroom i didn't think anything of it until i tries to sweep the area and found a turd called in one of the guys who is trained to deal with that so he comes out and helps clean it up he points out the fact that we should go double check the bathroom in the hallway we find a few more nuggets and when we open the bathroom it's a little crap storm he immediately got on the radio to his supervisor his only words were come here and bring your gloves that all the blair crap project so when i was in college i was a janitor on saturday and sunday mornings i had to clean bathrooms and most of the time it was light cleaning and some dirty toilets no big deal on saturday though i get into my first men's bathroom and the first stall contained some kid passed out on the floor just covered in puke all over the floor and the stall walls but the toilet was surprisingly clean i tried to wake him up but he kept mumbling at me to frick off so i just left him there and cleaned around him i wasn't about to deal with this guy at 7am i even mopped his face a bit a former job included cleaning the bathrooms for a luxury buffet dolphin swim experience breakfast and lunch all you can stuff into your face before swimming and drinking beer all day needles to say there were many nasty incidents the worst moment i had there came towards the end of one random summer night as the guests were showering before heading out this six feet five inches hairy obese dude had been in the handicapped stool for at least 10 minutes and when i say obese i mean like easy 450 unimaginable stress on his knee joints anyways he emerges from his stall and immediately asks me where the showers are despite standing 10 feet from a little row of showers oh yes particularly alarming men then i walk into his stall the poor dude was clearly just guessing where his butthole actually was at this point because it was just spray sparkle shoots all over the toilet floor and wall the other guests must have thought it was weird for an employee to scream mother as loud as possible while running back of house i was just mad that the guy had just asked me a question knowing full well that i was the person cleaning after him i ended up leaving that job because captivity is like wrong and stuff man not from perspective of janitor buddha the perp my dad suffered from a bad case of hemorrhoids and diverticulitis also flatulence when he would crap at work he would leave the toilet bowl splattered with crap and blood in the early days of low-flow toilets installed in government buildings even multiple flushes wouldn't clear the sides janitorial bathroom service was only twice a week but after dad left the restroom someone would call janitorial service complaining that the toilets weren't being cleaned on one of these occasions janitor cleaned up the one restroom then went to check the other restroom meanwhile dad had to crap and left a particularly bloody bowl janitor came back a few minutes after he finished to put out new toilet paper found the toilet he'd just clean coated with bloody spatter he went up a [ __ ] running through the halls screaming and cursing everyone saying they were going to cut off service of the company didn't get rid of the damned butt bleeder who kept fouling the bathroom janitorial staff threatened to go on strike the final resolution of the issue was the government agreed to reinstall a full-flow air pressure flush assist toilets to help keep the bowls cleaned i was a janitor at a shopping mall for about a month when i was a teen in the late 90s while cleaning the bathrooms one saturday i walked in and saw an unconscious older man lying on his back on the floor it looked like he had been using the urinal and just fell backwards i left the bathroom and grabbed a security guard he came in and took one look at the guy and froze he was dumbfounded didn't know what to do i raised my voice for him to call nine one one when the paramedics showed up one of them asked if i wanted to help by holding his iv bag while they wheeled them out i asked if the guy was going to make it because he was making groaning sounds the paramedic said he's already dead but they couldn't pronounce him because they needed a doctor to do it when they got to the hospital when i got home later that night i was pretty shaken up by the experience my dad who survived vietnam said i was lucky that my first experience with death was such a clean one he wasn't there of course and he didn't hear the body's moans that was the end of my janitorial career i felt so bad about a man dying in his own pee alone in a strange bathroom that i tried to find out who he was and maybe contact his family but i eventually gave up that idea when the hospital stone walled me because i wasn't a family member i haven't been a janitor but i installed cable tv and fiber optic networks in the residential areas for a while because of that i've visited a lot and i mean a lot of different homes out there the tldr here is there is more crazy ill odd or just unique people out there than you ever can imagine even how dirty you think your home is with the dishes from yesterday in the sink and clothes from the last week on the floor your home is still shiny and polished compared to what i have seen in some homes i had to climb over big piles of garbage to be able to enter rest of the apartment i've seen real crazy cat ladies with 15 cats and a home that just stink of cat pee i've seen real poverty where some kids have to live with parents that obviously can't handle themselves to start with i've visited a extremely talented doctor that only had a small camping bed a tiny tv and shelf after shelf with books compressed into one single room in his otherwise big but empty apartment i visited a senior politician that lived in an apartment that was filled with used paper tissues there were bags and big piles everywhere i visited an old man that had rebuilt big parts of his apartment to a miniature world with a huge working miniature railroad i visited an old man in the ghetto that had rebuilt his apartment as an old castle the man himself were dressed like an old fancy earl i can continue this forever after a while seeing places like this i just stopped thinking about it some people is ill they can't do better some people don't understand better some people live just as they want to i won't judge any of them for that i have seen some major freaking turds there is only two options one person has at least five inches dma turbotol uses some sort of device to keep it closed while they become extremely constipated leaves massive horse crap in public restroom two person eats some sort of substance that doesn't expand in the stomach but expands in water i've seen some gnarly shoots but twice i've walked in and been like how the frick does this even happen i had one of those [ __ ] at a middle school the overly religious co-worker assigned to that bathroom noticed a pattern that every friday morning there was a pile in front of the sink so i did my detective thing and waited in her custodial room until the halls were cleared and had the principal ready to suspend him when caught at 4 30 that day i hear the whole door slam in the [ __ ] being loud thinking he was alone i walk into the hall and hear the loudest fart echo and turned my walkie so he could hear the boss respond and he ran out the door right into his coach who knew we were after him expelled his butt quick comma expelled his butt quick not quick enough apparently when i was in college i worked overnights at a convenience store for a couple years there wasn't anything too terrible but the thing that fricked with me the most was this couple that came in guy comes in first looks totally normal it's 2 a.m decent enough part of the city so that's not totally out of place but this dude is your common middle age higher income type not even drunk asks for the bathroom key didn't give it a second thought couple minutes later a woman comes in female version of the guy with a big ring on assumed it was his wife she smiled and headed back to the bathroom area so i'll be honest i wasn't paying a ton of attention because i had a shitload of homework so i was mainly focused on that about the point where i take a homework break and realize these people didn't leave they come walking out giggling kissing being all cute like they'd obviously just went at it in our bathroom guy hands me the key with a wink and it's all i can do to not hold back rolling my eyes but then about five minutes or so after they leave the smell the whole store fills with a crap smell and i get that feeling in my gut go back into the bathroom and the toilet is empty but then on the ground there's these two piles of it small piles because someone's hand clearly took some out of it in the trash can because i always changed trash at 1 30 when the bart traffic was done was a used up freaking condom i still have no idea what the frick happened in there but that was enough to get me go put in my two weeks and go do tech supporter to dial up ice if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: UE Stories

Views: 13,375

Keywords: cleaning, janitors, janitors worst nightmare, janitors working, cleaning job, clean, mess, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: nJ5H8OmAkM0

Length: 19min 51sec (1191 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 12 2020