Jackie Mason (Royal Variety Performance) Victoria Palace Theatre 1991

now I would be absolutely useless at telling jokes jokes but there's this rabbi whose jokes in the synagogue became so popular that people started to turn up for the gags rather than the sermon whose act became so successful that he got his own show and television whose one-man show won numerous awards and Broadway and who finally reached the pinnacle when he was asked to entertain Her Majesty the Queen at the Royal Variety Performance so you're thinking ah what's the punchline it's absolutely true at least if you're Jackie Mason now he is by his own admission the funniest ex rabbi in the world she only gave a very big welcome to the one and only decorator [Applause] [Music] how do you do how do you expect me a pleasure to see me in person this is a stunning unbelievable show and I can't get over what a great show it is that I came to see if I could put a stop to it I'm not that crazy about you either so don't make no difference to me I noticed a tribute to Macintosh and everybody's excited about what the camera Macintosh accomplished and I see that there was four or five shows here representing the whole story of what Macintosh did and it was the most talented people in the history of the world coming out here one after the other and I know you were very impressed with it I wasn't it's not it's no big trick to do such a great performance if he got that much talent they could sing it there's no trick to be a hit the way I perform this is a trick I never claimed to have talent and I'm product I'm not too crazy about Macintosh anyway the man never did nothing for me I don't want to lie to you he did a show called cats I could have been in it it's about a Jewish family I have to throw him mr. cat Spacely and he's mad about this whole thing that I was knitted then he did a show about a story what people would have missed what was the name of it the Phantom of the Opera they said I was wrong for a part how does he know I wrote for the part how does he know the man is wearing a message or a whole show did anybody tell who's wrong for the part that was my best joke I'd like to know why he deserves a tribute in the first place why does he deserve a tribute what the hell does a producer do first show what does he do for show he's the only one who has nothing to do with the show he watches the show just like you're watching the show perform in the show he does not for show a choreographer is busy the director is busy the songwriters are busy everybody works the actors knock themselves out and they get what at all the quarter what did he get 19 million dollars for watching the watching a show at this business is called the producer and any other business it's a thief that's what and I'm not picking out there because it's not nice for me to come from a foreign country I came here just to learn your language that's the only reason I'm here I heard you talk English I have made one person talk English yet but I've taught the same language you talk how come it doesn't come out the same I don't I just don't you up your prime minister talking brilliant Prime Minister you have you hear him everybody likes him nobody knows what he's talking about nobody listens to him every time I watch him lost much loved everybody he makes George Bush look like a personality not that I'll pick it on him it's not my nature you understand this I just came from Israel where I was involved I don't know if you're right about I was dead during the Scott missile attacks when Israel was being attacked if during the Gulf War and I was there I came from the United States and I canceled my shot to go out there and while I was there in Israel I don't know if you're head of Israel did you ever hear it but you look like an anti-semite to me up yeah I was at Israel during that time and it was a dangerous situation nobody was able to sit still in Israel for a second people are running for their lives back and forth there was him because every minute a siren a boom people were running back and forth alone nobody paid a check in a restaurant in Israel for nine weeks everybody was sitting at the restaurant so to check out their hands waiting for the siren you hit I think I heard a siren ha ha you know still Nazis nothing funny in this old genre why do they put the stiffs in the front from the back understand shake to understand this mr. I was at Israel you thought I made it up I'm a personal friend of if you structure me you hear shamil the Prime Minister of Israel there's a brilliant man what a great speakers of all time have you ever talked all right so take a look maybe they will maybe maybe they were I don't know everybody is picking on him right now that's why I don't want to pick on a bill wanted to give the West Bank back to the Palestinians I hear about it did you press away I'm talking to you they want to give back the West Bank to the Palestinians did you hear about it mister he wants to give it back that's the ironic thing he wants to give it back right now he can't it's in his wife's name you understand this ladies and gentlemen I want to wish you all the very best of health and I say this from the bottom of my heart because it's been a great opportunity for me to be in this country this is a glorious country probably the greatest country in the world today I say it's the only reason I'd know that you're listening and you believe it so I'll tell you whatever you want to hear and I sincerely wish you the very best of health and that's no joke when you wish some of the best it's very hard to stay healthy in any country the world today I don't care how advanced the country is it's very hard to stay out because they found out that everything you eat or drink is bad for you there's nothing good it was a time one thing was good another thing is bad today everything is better even a bottle of soda was a sort of good seal found out his bed red meat was once the best thing in the world fear no good it'll kill you in a second but the wasting the it'll kill every Jew in the world as I said actually once the best now it's the waste you can either make any place in the world keh keh coke India blintzes blintzes to wipe you out there's nothing you're like this trunk it's not a question of staying healthy anymore it's a question of picking out the sickness that you like everything is well let me think it's been even a cup of coffee they used to say have a cup of coffee Ken right you remember that remember anything at all they used to say have a cup of coffee now they found out even coffee is bad you'd read about it they found out the latest information is that coffee has carcinogens in it that's right they found out that coffee causes cancer that's right not only that the caffeine keeps you awake lines so not only are you dying you watch yourself and most people have coffee with sugar they found out sugar give you diabetes so you want avoid diabetes you haven't put Sakura sacrum causes cancer so you think you'll drink milk look okay you because of cholesterol now you got three ways to go who didn't even eat it so you know what everybody says drink water water is the best thing in the welfare wall of water lots of water now he found out exactly the opposite is true the worst thing you could drink is water did you read about it they found out the water in this country is so polluted that epic less the water is comfortable the two coffees three milks and for the first or you passed away three cakes off no by the way why do you think people are meet again Whole Foods stores more than happy for you to be the bottle oh my talking people I really get health food stores more than ever before take a look and tell me health food store fact do you ever noticed that all the Whole Foods stores are packed and take a look at the people of the hopefuls clothes you ever see them they all have one thing in common the goop stick [Applause] well ladies and gentlemen that's it I know it's hard for you to believe that I finished I have really have I want to leave you with a tribute to one of the great men in the history of your country Alfred Hitchcock who was one of the great directors of all time of all time not only had a great personality he wasn't ashamed to talk to people on television this week next week the Walter [Music] [Applause] the taste of New York mr. Jackie nation

Channel: Vaudeville Funtimes

Views: 326,407

Keywords: jackie mason, comedian, royal variety performance, mason, royal variety, grammy awards, the late show, royal variety show, jackie, victoria palace theatre, comedian video, 1991, variety show, performance, jewish, humour, humor, happy, queen elizabeth, actor, history of the world movie, one man show, rabbis, the ultimate jew, writer, emmy, bernie sanders, celebrity, celebrities, cabaret, comedy, stand up comedy, famous, extravaganza, gala, royal command performance

Id: gGFYkgjI7_Y

Length: 9min 53sec (593 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 15 2018