Stand Your Ground, or Get Jerked Around

hi I'm coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of this newsletter is going to be stand your ground or get jerked around well I've got two emails I'm going to go through with you today both of these guys are getting jerked around a little bit one of them in a pretty big way before you get into I got a short quote that I wrote I want to share with you and it says people tend to see what they want in their relationships they tend to ignore the reality of when things suck or when things are getting worse in order to avoid dealing with painful emotions consequences avoiding responsibility or the potential end of their relationships human beings are the ultimate self bullshitters we notice what's not working but out of our desire to avoid pain we do nothing because doing nothing feels better than doing something that can potentially lead to things getting worse or more painful if you don't stand up for yourself and what you want in life in your relationships you are creating the conditions for other people to jerk you around take you for granted and take advantage of you let's go ahead and jump into first email this guy says hey Corey it's me again I get hundreds of emails every week and people seem to think I remember every single prime and I'm going to remember emails that answer from two or three days ago let alone once from several months ago so I wish I had a perfect photographic memory but that's just not me he says I've emailed before I have also done a phone session with you and it's helped tremendously so here's the scoop these days after our last phone session my ex contacted me and we ended up hanging out for three weeks from November until December she had been seeing this guy in another city before this not her ex-husband she told him she just wanted to be friends and we started hanging out she ended up wanting to move back in and get our family together in this in that by the end of her lease in January we never had sex that's definitely a red flag she wants to move back in all his stuff and no sex sounds like she's content in controlling things this is part of standing up for what you want because if you take somebody back who ditched you previously and by hanging back and letting them come back to you if they come back and when you tell them hey I'm not interested in being just friends with you women are going to try to see what they can get away with especially in these kinds of circumstances especially if there's two or three other guys obviously at one point she was hooking up with the ex-husband and probably a couple of other dudes and she and even though you said you this was unacceptable being just friends she comes back and won't give it up basically just one of the ways and that's when you got to say hey you know she stops you when you're making a move on you say look you wanted to come back this was your idea you wanted to make an effort you said you were willing to put the effort and to make us work and now you don't want to be intimate like just doesn't work for me this is still you trying to offer me friendship only I'm not interested in living out of the same roof if we're not gonna be intimate with one another then we're just being roommates it's like that doesn't work for me I'm not interested now and I did go through and look at some of the other emails that this guy had sent me in the past and from our some of our phone sessions that we had and he was dating another girl at the time as well but he doesn't mention anything about her in this particular email he says I would try but she would say no we would kiss and cuddle and then her time of the month came can't have sex because I'm on my period now darn the following week we talked and we were going to do do it haha well she got into bed one night and said there's no sexual attraction I said okay well it's not going to work then bingo good [ __ ] answer you stood up for yourself at least in that moment but there for a while you were gone looking okay well maybe she's not well maybe it's gonna change and at the end of the day this woman is telling you one thing what she's doing another and as a man that's why you need to stand up for yourself and just say this doesn't work for me I'm not interested in this at all you're great I'm glad we got child getter and all that but you know this is [ __ ] she even bought me Christmas presents two hours prior to saying this well women buy Christmas presents for their friends too just because she buys you Christmas presents doesn't mean she's going to sleep with you the next morning she woke up and left since then she has decided to move to the to another city where this other guy lives oh yeah she wants to move in with you and all his stuff and get the family back together and hey you know what I'm gonna move to another city the other day we got into a huge fight because I stood my ground and said I want to see my kid on the days that we agreed upon she got mad and said I was a selfish [ __ ] and stuff to leave Hey she interesting see what happens here this is probably typically how it went in your relationship before she'd get pissed off get a little bit angry and you go oh I'm sorry this is what you see on every TV show the guy wants something a woman's like I don't think so I'm sorry dear oh please forgive me he's walking on eggshells [ __ ] that bolshie it-- so that's the kind that you know this is which a woman says that I was being a selfish [ __ ] and got her stuff to leave and you say hey I'm not being a selfish [ __ ] I'm just holding you to what our agreement was and you're not going to weasel out of it that's not honorable don't come here and try to change terms of what we agreed upon that is not cool she no longer wanted to talk or see me don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out you got to let him go sometimes women will huff and I'll puff and you'll try to blow your house down to see what you're made of and you're just like hey this is not me it's like you agree to something and she showed which goes hey you know what instead of what I came into here's this great [ __ ] burger just eat it and smile I don't think so you can eat that yourself honey he says I told her that I have been trying but she calls or text me every day so anyways since then two days ago she has still continued to contact me about our son tonight she came in and we talked and joked around I put her son in the car and said goodbye and off they went my question is this do you think hanging out three weeks straight causes well hanging out for three weeks straight without any sex you weren't standing up for yourself and you put up with her [ __ ] for three weeks and she was just probably testing the waters to see how she felt when she was with you and you still weren't really standing up for yourself cuz she said she's going to give you everything she's going to come back and move in with you and now she's going to just all sudden move to another city and be with another guy [ __ ] that noise I hope that other girl you were still dating and your last email is still around I'd be calling her inviting her over for dinner he says I feel I wasn't weak or needy but who knows well you were weak because you didn't stand up for yourself I don't see any ninis but the bottom line is you went along with her [ __ ] for about three weeks before you finally said hey this ain't gonna work for me but at least you stood up for yourself that's the important thing and so when you stand up for yourself she leaves you're like okay see you later she may come back she may not but at least you stood up for yourself at least she'll respect you because you were [ __ ] man finally so good [ __ ] job he says I read her book four times and I seem to understand a little better I try and stay happy but sometimes I am so sad you can't have no control over what she feels towards you and at the end of day somebody else's opinion of you it's not your [ __ ] business you did your part you stood up for what you want and she says I'm out of here you did your best that's all you can do because just like a video I did the other day sometimes you give your very best and stilling can be enough but you know if you had a history of a couple of years or letting this woman walk all over you before you found my work and started standing up for it doesn't matter because think about this the next woman you get into a relationship with and you start standing up from yourself in the beginning you'll never have to probe this kind of [ __ ] [ __ ] behavior or getting jerked around like this ever again that should be freeing you should be happy about that that's something to celebrate that's something to get excited about because you don't give it you deserve in life only what you negotiate the other morning I dropped our son off before work at 5:30 a.m. and the dudes truck was there huh yeah she was really making an effort with you wasn't she then all day I have a pit in my stomach I love her and she loves me killer she was a friend dude but she's got some other guy shacking up with her think about that that's the reality of the situation guys always said and she loves me too but you know she's just too busy to spend time with me you know I know she loves me but she's sleeping with this other guy if she really loved you dude she wouldn't be sleeping with another guy he says but I'm tired of this limbo it's been six months and my feelings have been playing harder than my guitar please help Cory it's let her go start hanging out and having fun and oh can I call those other girls that you were dating before this three-week period of get mad together without really getting back together and having anything mature and adult hey you gave it your best shot she still may come back but at the end of the day do you really want her back when she treats you this way when she jerks you around the idea is you want her to earn you back it's like kind of she came back on her terms like hey I'm gonna start dictating things I'm gonna start controlling things and you're like you find stuff for yourself and said uh-uh-uh and she says oh well I'm just gonna go back and jump in the bed with the other guy nice woman by the way so let's get out of this second guy's email he says hey coach my ex-girlfriend and I were together for two and a half years she's 23 and I'm 30 I believe she broke up with me over three things number one stress in her life number two she was in love with me but her feelings changed where she said there was no spark which I feel is part of the stress you're [ __ ] yourself - you obviously didn't said things that caused her to fall out of love with you since people don't want to take any responsibility for their actions and if you've been dating her and courting her properly this wouldn't happen and you'll see in a minute as we get further on down the email what really was going on in this particular case he says number three me not listening to her by giving her advice which I realized now for reading a material is a mistake exactly because now when that happens she doesn't feel like you can understand her that you can relate to her he says everything was great in our relationship obviously not dude she dumped you there was lots of courting I was always very romantic courted her and showed my love through acts of service through acts of service listened in other words I waited on her hand and foot and I did whatever she wanted I saw those TV shows where it showed that I've got to wait on her hand and foot like a manservant and of course she'll love me she loved you as a friend but not as a lover not as an equal not as a partner he says we met through an online dating site and she lived about an hour away from my city when we were seeing each other about once a week where I either drove to her City or she drove mine eventually she moved to the same city as me and she bought a new condo where she planned on having both of us move in together we eventually started spending more time together to the point where I feel she lost her freedom and I lost mine in other words you became something you're not in order to please her you're a pleaser you went out of your way to be who you thought that she wanted you to be in order to make her happy and all it ended up happening was you end up losing yourself and the process and the guy that she was originally attracted to the man that you were when she met you turned out to be this little boy who's just a pleaser and really kind of looking for a mama and not a girlfriend he says things started to take a turn for the worse when we both decided to take a trip to Vegas together for a wee I was drinking and having a good time and even gamble - a few days towards the end of our trip she said she was unhappy and I asked her what was wrong she said she missed her family and friends from the other city she lived in I asked her if we had anything to do with her unhappiness and said I don't know whenever somebody says I don't know they know they just don't want to say it as a coach when I'm when I ask people questions and they've got fears around their answer those go oh I don't know that's a [ __ ] statement so any of you that are thinking about calling me in the future neol oh gee Corey I don't know you know you're just bullshitting yourself but I always know how to get it out of you I'm good like that so bottom line is she knows that what the answer is but she doesn't say why cuz she does want to hurt your feelings he says we decided to take a counseling session together with a counselor she had been seeing for her eating disorder to work things through we go to the first counseling session the counselor asked on a scale of 1 to 10 10 being the best how I felt about being with her and I said a 10 and she asked the same question of my ex and she said at 8 I would have said okay well what would be different in our relationship in order for you to say I was a 10 it was a 10 our relationship is a 10 he says our counselor asked if we could commit to three months of working on this together and we both agreed the next session my ex broke up with me what happened a three-month commitment he's like come on what was that all about next session my ex broke up with me and said that she didn't feel things would change if we worked on it so she committed to work on it but not really it was kind of like a [ __ ] half-assed effort you can't have a relationship with somebody who's not willing to work at it I mean it takes two people and so we're commitment is [ __ ] thanks for bullshitting me honey I really appreciate that thanks for going in in this counseling session and just totally feed me a line of [ __ ] really appreciate that love you too this drove my mind wild and even to this day I still have a hard time struggling with it after we broke up I didn't drive to see her or have that stalker behavior but I texted her over the couple of months trying to change your mind which didn't work obviously that's acting like a stalker when a woman ditches you and says I'm not going to work in this anymore you don't continue to call blow up her phone trying to change your mind that is also stalkerish like behavioral stalkers behavior doesn't mean just showing up at her place or showing up at her work or sitting out in front of her house spying on her seeing what she's doing as she was eventually she started to get frustrated replied back [ __ ] dude if I want to talk I will contact you you were acting like a stalker bro come on admit it you're bullshitting yourself he says after that text after that I texted her and said hey I'm sorry I haven't been respecting your decision to give you the space you need so let me know when you want to talk we've almost been broken up for four months now two months of which I was texting her in the other two months where I eventually stopped chasing her so maybe it's really only been about a month or maybe a few weeks still bullshitting yourself dude and you're trying to [ __ ] the coach don't [ __ ] the coach because he can always tell I've been practicing a lot of my social skills meeting new people I've met about 40 new friends great [ __ ] job dude that's what you should be doing because as soon as you meet a new girl who's got a great [ __ ] attitude and she makes the effort that totally changes your perspective he says I signed up for two dating sites but at times I feel like I need to meet someone out of desperation but maybe this is the fear that you've been talking about yeah fear that you're never going to find anybody better and that happens to everybody every single person who's ever been through a breakup that [ __ ] will cross your mind no matter how successful you are no matter how many great relationships you've had in your life no matter how many beautiful women you who you in able to fall completely at our heels and allowing you and want to get married want to have your children doesn't matter you still the next one you're like is it going to go downhill from here am I going to meet somebody else it has the days the weeks and the months roll on you still haven't met anybody else that shit's going to cross your mind you can't help it can find a way to live each day and take each one day at a time just like I said the other day one play at a time like Marty Schottenheimer learned he says my ex comes from a family that's divorced her father lives about eight hours away and it separated from her when she was at a young age and she lived with her mother most of her life so she probably never really formed a strong bond to men because she just didn't have a you know strong male role model in her life so I can see why it's difficult for her to understand what it takes to love the other person plus she's young it's only 23 she's got no [ __ ] life experience at that age like my parents have been together for 20 years and even though they scream and yell at each other they still love each other in the end well screaming and yelling at one another is a really immature way to deal with things that's what my mother used to do with my dad she was always [ __ ] screaming yelling bitching complaining most of the time he just ignored her and took it but every once awhile he'd stand up to her plus another factor is I'm her longest relationship she's ever had every other guy she met she had only been with for maybe one or two months anyways I started to work on myself and bought a membership at the gym about two or three months ago but yesterday I saw my ex the same gym on the treadmill ah what a co-inky-dink so I did my regular out routine and I started running on a treadmill which was about one treadmill away from her I know she noticed me and she got off the treadmill five minutes later I think she was texting someone at the time as well not sure who it was probably one of the three or 4 dudes she's sleeping with now I looked at her as she left and she ignored me and walked away oh that's really [ __ ] mature so that tells you everything you know she doesn't give a [ __ ] she doesn't care she's over it dude sorry to tell you but that's what happens when you over pursue when you act like a stalker that's why you gotta walk and never look back he says I want to know how to regain someone's respect and have her come back to me she's got to decide to come back to you she's gonna decide that she wants to work on things I stopped chasing her and when she left I didn't chase her yes you did and continue to do my thing she didn't say hi so neither did I yes real mature I think she still expects me to chase her and I say [ __ ] that actually when you look at the last thing she said to you was [ __ ] dude if I want to talk to you I will get in touch with you it's not that she wants you to chase her you already tried dad think about it in other words I think she wants me to act like a stalker that might get her back but I'm not gonna do that go on he says what I want her to come back on her own as an option because I know she made a big mistake leaving me now that's a good attitude to have I'm a [ __ ] catch it's her [ __ ] loss I mean you're 30 and you got life experiences she wouldn't she got she's 23 years old he says even when she dumped me she said you're a great person but she still left you she's just trying not to hurt your feelings dude I don't think she realized that because she's young maybe it really doesn't matter he says I've read your book and you have a good example where you bumped into a lady that you hadn't seen in years and you just brushed her off and she came chasing that's like the exception of the rule that doesn't always happen it's like flip a coin she just what was interesting about that particular situation is I hadn't seen that girl and three actually proud four years I hadn't seen her at that point and she had literally just broken up with her boyfriend who she eventually got back together with and May and you know as far as I know they're still together to this day but it just is like they're the right time I was really in love with this other girl and I was actually out with this other woman's brother and we were having a good time and I ran into this chick who I hadn't seen in four years and and I really screwed up with because I really know what I was doing back when I was dating her this is what this was like the first woman I met Mike was really gonzo over after you know I divorced my wife and it's just it was like timing and I was in a perfect non hungry state because I was like I was totally in love this guy sister and you know he and I were hanging out we were going and flirtin with chicks and you know picking up other girls at the time it was like he was cool like that and plus then he'd go back and tell his sister you should have seen who Corey was was ten second he says that's what I'm doing now but maybe you can give me some more insight and some other things that you've experienced there is actually nothing you can do and I would say just from her attitude than treadmill she's just like that was a big she gave me the big hairy middle finger dude that's just [ __ ] rude somebody you were with all that time I mean I I've never had an ex-girlfriend just ignore me like that I mean they always would come up and hug me and say hello so yeah I'm doing but yeah it's pretty [ __ ] rude immature I just tells me she's pissed off and she's doing it on purpose trying to play games with you it's like who [ __ ] cares you know she could take a fine [ __ ] roll and a doughnuts what she can do so I there's nothing you can do in that case is going on with your life if she ever reaches out to you just be like hey babe great to hear from you I'd love to see you when you free to get together and then invite her to come over to your place grab ball whine come on over we'll make dinner together if she want to do that just say hey well I'm kind of tired it's been a long week I'm just in the mood to hang so if you're not down for coming over and must make a dinner together then give me a call two three weeks and when things settle down maybe we can meet out and do something a little more formal and go to dinner and all that stuff I wouldn't go out of my way for a girl like that why cuz she's a [ __ ] deserve it I mean she's she's one treadmill away from you and you look at her and she just acts like you're not even there she treats you like a [ __ ] statue or like you know a piece of exercise equipment it's kind come on [ __ ] move on with your life like says she ever reaches out make a date to hang out have fun and hook up but I would say unfortunately but maybe fortunately put a fork in this one it's done you are [ __ ] out of there bro move on with your life meet somebody new and the beauty of those kinds of situations is you get into a new relationship you'll be happy you'll be this girl it's ten times more beautiful and she'll see you and she'll be by herself and you're like simply a [ __ ] deer in the headlight not tell you what man that is a great [ __ ] feeling when it happens when a girl dicks you around like that totally takes you for granted mistreat you jerks you around and then you know months or a year or two later she sees you with his really hot girl has an amazing effect on her and back to that that girl that I was with after our thing was our second or third date after we had we had hooked up she ended up going back to her boyfriends what was funny was one night I was out with her and we were going back to my place and I ran into the boss of the other girl I was dating and so of course when she went to work the next day guess who I saw last night I mean in the Quarian he was with this really beautiful girl and so like nine o'clock the next morning I get a phone call and sure enough it was this other girl that I was dating and really in love with but I kind of really wasn't going anywhere and she's like oh just calling to see how your night in the evening was going or how your night and evening went I was like it went great she goes I heard she was really beautiful like yeah she was she was a babe I didn't say ask your brother cuz he met her too I think he had already rubbed it in her face anyways but you know she got the other girl got back together with her boyfriend when she got home that night he was actually waiting on her doorstep all night and of course she was with me and so I ended up getting serious with this other girl anyways which was he the one out with I really wanted so it all worked out in the end doesn't matter it's like life is grand and that's why you can't let things like this get you down you just got to keep trying to find a way to grind it out and have a good time and keep moving forward because better always comes grind it one step at a time so if you'd like to get my home personally the quickest way is a book a paid phone coaching session you can do that by going to my website clicking the products tab at the top of your screen and either book phone Skype or email coaching which other ever option works good for you and I'll talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 229,800

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Id: S1PhgZrVws4

Length: 26min 32sec (1592 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 20 2013