Is She Just Shy, or Not Interested?

[Music] all right I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of this newsletter is going to be is she just shy or not interested well I've got a couple interesting scenarios here a couple I've got two different emails I'm gonna go through with guys and the first one what it looks like he's doing a little bit is he's kind of bullshitting himself into thinking that these particular women are really more interested in him than they are because sometimes in life you're gonna encounter women in weird situations maybe they got ex-boyfriends in the background you don't know about maybe they're dating two or three other guys that you don't know about they're kind of confused you're not sure which one they want maybe their emotion hung up on some guy and it's not really going well or you got somebody who's in the process of getting a divorce or you've got you got a woman who's in a relationship and she knows she needs in the relationship but she just hasn't gotten enough guts to do that and then you go and you ask her out and then a couple days later she cancels a date you're thinking I'm I'm sure she was into me it doesn't make any sense for her to cancel a date and then you later find out wow there was kind of a boyfriend that she had and and so the idea is that you want to be able to spot these behaviors because sometimes you're going to encounter women you're you're gonna they're gonna be giving you all the signs at their interests and you're gonna ask them out or maybe you're on a date and you go to kiss them and they're gonna turn their head now there could be a couple reasons that they do that women who are shy and structured or kind of a control freak there are women out there or like hey I'm not kissing a guy until the fourth date or the fifth date of the tenth date whatever happens to be and even though they may want to kiss you and they give all the signs are touching they give you contact bottom line is they're they're just simply not in a place where they want to have contact where they want to make an effort they want to make move maybe they're messed up maybe there's another dude in the picture like I said maybe there are just rules out there I had even might my dad several years ago I remember he had this woman that he was dating or trying to date and he went out I was like first two or three days every time you went to kiss her she turned a head and he was like I just said dad don't waste your time with her ah so he kept going out with her this is like same thing and it finally after a couple of months she she started kissing and making out and then she later on after they were hooking up revealed like well you know I don't I don't make out with guys or I don't kiss guys until like the fifth or 16 she just had this weird rule you know keep in mind she's older isn't he obviously my dad's in his 60s and she was also in her 60s and that's just her weird asked rule but the thing was is like you know he he continued to occasionally date and hook up with her but she would cancel dates on him and she would never call him she would never make him make an effort but yet he would call her she go out with him they'd end up hooking up and she just was a very structured person but when I looked at the situation he explained things of what was going on I was like just not that into you dad because he you know she also had a house out of state and she'd make plans to come in and then she'd canceled the last minute or what I was like just wasting your time and after a couple of years of this you just finally was just like be fine he finally gave up cuz they never went anywhere yeah they would hook up occasionally and have sex but she'd never make an effort you never call and she was just a very structure personnel somebody like that was why waste your time you know what my dad he'd been with my mom 30-something years and really had never kind of dated anybody else when he was a teenager so he really didn't have as much experience at least dating different women as I had so I could spot that behavior right I was like me I don't waste your time he was like no no no I'm gonna be different I was like and then finally a couple years later he you know he just finally got tired and you know I don't think they've talked talked in a while but that's the thing it's like men especially because men us guys we tend to be very egocentric and so we get the idea in our head that somebody into us and even though the evidence is pretty obvious to people around us or even ourselves that they're just not that interested we look at those slightest sliver of evidence now I've got a shot I'm gonna be able to change your mind I just gotta go out there enough times and you know when you go out on a few thousand dates over the course of two and a half decades that basically when I look back at my life and all the dates that I've been on over the years you said you want a thing or two yeah you have several relationships you married you raise kids you get to learn a thing or two about relationships and you can tell when somebody's in you and when somebody's not so if you want to have a really great dating experiences you want to date people who are divorced they don't have exes in the background they don't have weird situations they're not confused about somebody or a couple of people who they're dating that are in in their lives it means they got a clean slate it means they're happy they're whole they're complete they're single and they really like to meet some of the other words or replace their life where they feel like they got everything that they could need or want and all they're really looking for is somebody to share their completeness with and so it takes some strength because sometimes you're gonna meet some of your it'll really be into them but they're gonna have some kind of messy personal situation exes in the background divorce it hasn't finalized yet or they're in a relationship or they're on the verge of ending a relationship but they just haven't got the guts to do it I mean I talked to plenty of men and women that have been dating somebody for a long period of time who maybe they might be living separate from their their spouse but the bottom line they still haven't gotten divorced yet and you got to look at their actions but it's you know a lot of people come to me when they're literally a year or two in and they keep waiting waiting waiting this person hasn't left who they say they're gonna divorce even though they might not be living together with that person anymore Bob my eyes are not moving on and since they haven't moved on from who they were married to you can't really move on with them and you're so you're kind of stuck in limbo and you don't want to get involved in those kinds of messy situations and it's tough when you really are trying to somebody you like them and you have chemistry but you got to learn to have some self-control and realize that you gonna create a lot of heartbreak for yourself and it's gonna be a pain in the ass to date somebody that's in that kind of or those kinds of situations so if we're given in the email so I'm gonna go through a quote that I wrote and then we're to go and go through the first guy's email and it says our egos can be a blessing and a useful tool when it comes to believing in ourselves taking risks and achieving goals but when it comes to romance our egos can be a little delusional and blind us to the reality that some lovers are simply not interested in us romantically ideal candidates for dating our members of the opposite sex who are ready willing and able to date that means that there are no X's in the background they are divorced single unattached or not confused about how they feel about someone else they have a clean slate and space and they're already complete and whole lives for you to potentially fill only people who have a low self-esteem who are shy or structured cheaters liars or who are messed up in some way will have interest but our unable are unwilling to show it or act upon it take the path of least resistance and spend your time with potential lovers who are ready willing and able to date you without any messy drama going on in the background let's say a big amen to that statement because so true if somebody's ready well uni when they like you it's the best relationships I've had the most intense relationships were you fall in love with them and they fall head-over-heels completely in love with you those are the best kinds of relationships and every single one of those types of relationships that I've had in my life it's been an instantaneous attraction the moment we met it was obvious they were ready willing and able to start something new with me and those are great powerful experiences but not all experiences are going to be like that and so it's important if you're not in a relationship you're not exclusive with somebody you're just kind of casually dating and hooking up and having a great time until that next great love of your life comes along you've got to be disciplined enough and you're going to be emotionally strong enough to walk away from situations where you go to kiss a check at the end of the date and she turns her head don't waste your time going out with something like that again I don't care if they're shy I don't care if they got rules the bottom line is that person is holding back and if somebody's on a date with you and they like you and they're holding back that's gonna manifest it in many other ways if you continue to stay involved with them what you want if you want have an effortless relationship you have to be with somebody who likes you and who is in a place in a space in their life where they can actually act upon those feelings because if they can't act upon those feelings you might get together and you have a great date and you hook up and the next 2-3 weeks can't ever seem to hook up with them they're always changing plans or canceling or they're just simply unavailable that's a pain in the ass because you have this great date and then all of a sudden after it it's just pain in the ass I don't want like that dated like that a couple couple months ago everything was great the moment we met and then every other date that I made with her after that was just a total pain in the ass and she was always changing plans to the last minute I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do that I'm gonna make you dinner I got this great meal I wanna make for you the day the day would come ah you know why I'd never made to the gross store to pick up those ingredients but hey let's go and have dinner instead you've been bragging all week about how you gonna make me dinner and now is last minute oh I didn't make it to the grocery store that noise I mean seriously when you can't eat when you're younger or you don't have a lot of experience dating a lot of different women if you're a guy or dating a lot of different men if you're a woman if you haven't had lots of experiences and you're at the place where you just say how that deal with that noise you'll stick it out and you can waste months and even years of your life in just a messy situation that at the they you end up just ending anyways so let's get the first guy is email he says hey coach this very strange thing happens to me women who definitely like me refuse to go out with me I know you're probably thinking he's just imagining that they like him etc but hear me out at work gym whatever I'll often catch chicks I me when I approach they get all nervous and just put up some kind of front to cover up their interest well if that tells me is these chicks got a self-esteem issue they lack confidence probably younger women don't have a lot of experience low self-esteem I personally wouldn't mess with women like that because you can see it they're holding back they are they don't feel natural to interact with you they're immature in essence that's not a good sign when they get all self-conscious a woman who has confidence who's ready willing and able when you look her in the eyes just like I'm looking in a camera right now and she doesn't break eye contact and she's smiling and you say you absolutely take my breath away you are intoxicating look out we got to get together sometime when you free to meet up for a drink I'm free tomorrow I'm free Thursday I'm free this weekend that sounds great I'd love to that's what you want to hear and if you're not hearing that keep searching keep moving don't with anything else it is not worth your time trust me so he says many co-workers who develop feelings for me do the same thing for instance according to all the women at work my female manager is in love with me and I should give her the dick lol all the signs are there so it's obvious to me - well maybe she doesn't want to date you because you are her employee and she problems she might not think you can handle it if she thought you knew how to play it cool play it cool there it is again if she thought you knew how to be cool in other words not create a bunch of drama for her at work or make her look bad she might be inclined to get involved with you because she would believe that you'd be able to keep secret but you're not given that vibe because you're not experienced and you then she might like you but she's not gonna go out with you because she doesn't want to create problems for herself or you at work that's a real possibility that you have to think about you can't just say oh this girl wants my dick I need to give it to her you gotta think about it we need to try and empathize with the other person you gotta be able to try to walk in her shoes and look through her eyes and see what she sees she even gives me special treatment and lets me get away with all kinds of stuff now listen to me says I've tried asking her out for drinks to no avail she won't go out unless she can bring a third wheel along what does that tell you she doesn't want to give you any impression that she's interested or available in any way think about it it's common sense what are her actions tell you she's bringing blockers or clam Slammers along to get in your way why because she doesn't want to be alone with you it doesn't matter whether she likes you or not what are her actions her actions communicate for whatever reason remember ready willing and able she may be ready for a guy she may be willing to have a guy into her life but she's not able at least with you because you work together simple sometimes when co-workers are all hanging out after work I try to bum a ride home from her but she won't give me one if it's just me and her in the car again she doesn't want to be alone with you because she doesn't she knows that you like her you've obviously asked her out numerous times because it sounds like you've been asking around the drinks that she's turned you down so she doesn't want to give you the impression that it can progress anywhere with her romantically that's what her actions communicate doesn't matter whether she likes you or not she's not able ready willing and able she's not able makes some totally BS excuse and if somebody else is in her car too she'll drop me off first even if it's totally inconvenient she's going out of her way dude why she can't she won't it doesn't matter her actions tell me no interest so she doesn't end up in a car alone with me she's single and looking by the way like I said she's ready and she's willing but she ain't able with you another girl from work likes me too she admitted it to the other girls she quit and moved to another town but still keeps in contact with coworkers she always talks and asked questions about me how I'm doing in the like and I know for a fact that she always is stalking my facebook page how do you know Facebook doesn't give that information now you're just assuming that unless she's liking things on your Facebook page or commenting on your posts but she'd always pretend like she didn't like me to my face maybe she's got a boyfriend and she's just too weak to leave him a lot of women are like that so they'll give you indicators of interest that's why you go to make a date if they like you and they're ready willing and able guess what they'll make the date but if there's some messy going on in the background or some reasons why they can't this is what you'll get he's whenever I hit her up to hang out well you know I'm gonna say out or if she turns you down it doesn't matter if she's ready and she's willing if she's unable it doesn't matter she's not a candidate and move on so your egos getting all hung up okay I'm a studies girl she want me I'm the man they're not able that's it it's that simple he says I can go on and on and it really stinks to know that chicks like me but seem to want little to do with me what's going on here well like I said they may be ready and willing but they're simply not able your problem is that you're hung up on the fact that these and you're like trying to change those girl's mind you're coming up with new ways to ask them out you're trying to get your boss to give you rides home bumming a ride not because you really need a ride because you want to have a ride with her in more ways than one pun intended and she's obviously yet preventing that from happening move on to the next girl dude you're wasting your life being hung up on these chicks that are going nowhere that's the whole reason if you ask out a hundred women you'll get about 10 to 12 dates on average and you'll probably get laid two to three times that one it's that simple it's a numbers game ready willing and able just like in sales let's move on the second guy see what he says hey Cory I've been applying your techniques after reading your book and yes I know I have a few more reads to go and I've been watching your YouTube videos the last couple of women I've been dating it all appears to be working so thank you you're welcome but one woman I'm fighting is always this one girl they don't want to talk about the girls that are throwing themselves at I said one girl I just I can't get her to have one to hang out with me I can't seduce her what's the problem I can't get her to spend time alone with me but one woman I'm finding curiously tricky to read her motives interest a level after I met her through an online dating service she's 35 gorgeous works part-time and is currently studying I've seen her twice with another date to come up shortly on the last two dates she's gradually warmed up to me and shows signs of interest around the 6:00 or 7:00 on a scale of 1 to 10 in some ways but in other ways not so much on the first date she didn't initiate any touching and when I went for the kiss she turned the cheek put a fork in that when it's done I don't waste my time after that like I said there are women that you'll go out with 2 3 4 times and they'll finally kiss you and finally hook up is might the example of my dad it was she was headcase for him for several years he put up with that for several years I mean he was dating several other women but why put up with that bullsh I mean his particular case he just didn't have a lot of experience dating lots of women because he was always with my mother from the time he was a teenager so he says the second date came up about four weeks later and we hit the town I paid for everything all night and she never offered to pay for anything hey it was better than staying home looking at the floor walls and while I don't really care too much at the moment as I'm the one asking around she probably doesn't have a huge amount of money I do wonder where chivalry turns into freeloading from her point of view hey if you're willing to give it she's obviously willing to take it and that's why say in my book when a girl turns her cheek you don't call her again and since you did say that you've read the book obviously only a few times maybe you missed that part or maybe you're just willfully ignoring ah I'm gonna be different this girl likes me Cory I'm a stud I'm gonna get are you watch I wouldn't I wouldn't there wouldn't have been a second date if it was me there wouldn't have been a third date if it was me but you're violating principle so you get what you get you can just like Iran says you can ignore reality but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality and that's what you're doing just like the first guy you're ignoring the reality that this chick may be ready she may be willing but she ain't able for whatever reason so he continues on he says also on the second day she started bumping me touching me so I held her hand and began to get close through the night sometimes holding her clothes touching her holding her hand at times to which she would actively hold back that tells me she's pulling away and more than likely you probably continue grabbing her hand and holding her and trying to force things and I thought I read the signs to go for the kiss but she turned her head again saying she wanted to take it slow and that she was shy well either a she doesn't want to kiss you or she's just structured and she's got a bunch of rules so in other words she's purposely holding back she likes you because she's touching you but yet she won't kiss you she's holding back it's almost impossible to have an effortless relationship when you're dealing with another human being who will not act upon their feelings there they've got this rules in their mind like oh I'm not doing that not doing that not not doing that why waste your time that it's so much more fun to go out with a girl who just likes you and nothing gets in their way it's effortless it's easy to be together that's what you want there's a headcase and a waste of money for that matter and this is the kind of that would give you blue balls she doesn't come off as overly shy to me so I'm a little confused to her interest and motivation I take the lead make dates don't give away too much myself but banter and joke about the right amount while she talks about 70% of time so she texted me a few days later after that date to initiate contact and therefore I invited her over in my place for dinner the coming we can do what she said she was not comfortable with that so she agreed to meet for an afternoon drink instead again that tells you I mean you don't invite a woman to your house unless you've already been making out yes so you're not following the sequence of the seduction process which I talk about in my book if she really shy is she worried I'll make move in private that she doesn't want me to make so soon so instead she gets to know me more in a public place I'd say it's one of two things she's really not that interested but she likes the fact that you're blowing tons of money on her and hey maybe she'll meet some other guy or maybe one of your friends when she goes out with you sometimes better than say in the home looking at the four walls I don't know I'm not a mind reader but her actions tell me that she's either not in her ass there she's following some rules but the bottom line is she's holding back because it seems to be that there's some kind of attraction there but she's not acting upon it why she's not acting upon it what does it matter the point is she's not acting upon her feelings so therefore she's not what you want dude how long do I go along with this no kiss routine well if you'd have been falling when I taught the book she would have never gotten more than a first date from you and me paying for everything before I give this one the flick off and you're the big Harry middle finger and go for better well you should never I wouldn't go out with her again but hey how can I turn this one around it's like beating your head against the wall and have her want to kiss me instead of all via certainty well if you've been following what I teach you wouldn't be wasting your time with this girl in the first place but I think you're being driven a little bit by your ego because you probably really like this girl and you think you're gonna be different he says I'm beginning to feel that I'm doing a fair bit of giving but not having it returned freely ding ding we have a winner now you're because Captain Obvious is showing up here I'm sure I'm doing something wrong and missing something from your techniques yeah you should have never gone out with fair again when she turned her head that's what you really should have done but like I said you can see from these two guys email this is what we do we really like a girl and we ignore the fact that she's her actions are not congruent with her liking us she may like us but for whatever reason she can't be was like the first guy it's his boss it's like duh it's kind of a no-brainer don't waste your time in these situations and move the on you're wasting your life I mean it's like this one girl at the third date this is like a month and a half that he's probably been thinking about this girl every single day whereas he should stop thinking about her a month and a half ago after the first date he's wasting his time and you're wasting your life dude you can't get that month and a half of your life back think about it stop the madness bro so if you like to get my help personally a quickest way is a book a paid phone or Skype coaching session with me or you can do email coaching you can choose any of those options by going to my website clicking the products tab at the top of your screen and just follow the instructions and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 111,460

Rating: 4.8522496 out of 5

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Id: L3LMrx8l_zU

Length: 25min 37sec (1537 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 13 2014