If Your Family Has Issues, Come to This Talk | Paul J. Kim | Impact Session | SLS20

[Music] so good to be here with you guys obviously there's a lot of people who have issues and their families welcome who survived the holidays you guys made it any awkward conversations ooh any family members who aren't quite on the same page when it comes to faith in God or morals or values you are in the right place love it love it once again Paul Jacob here real honor for you for me to be here with you my beautiful wife and my kids are here with me so it's a little love for my wife making that trek out she's right there in the middle my kids are in child care otherwise we wouldn't be here together as a family but it's awesome and I'm honored seriously for taking the time out if it was my option I wouldn't even be at my own talk I probably gone to father Michael Schmitz but anyways you came here just play them a YouTube video I'm gonna go to that one but it's once again it is a joy so listen what we're here to talk about family and the reality is no one's family is quite there yet about my background my family came from a place called South Korea and they moved really Koreans or kpop lovers or kdrama I don't know BTS I don't understand them I don't understand men wearing so much makeup but anyways nonetheless they're good-looking dudes they dance and sing but once again my family came from South Korea in 1975 they left a completely safe place their homelands and I can't imagine I'm a dad of three kids all right I can't imagine if someone would came up to me and said hey things are gonna get not so good here so you need to move to another country one where you don't speak the language and you'll have $600 good luck that's what my family did so they literally landed in Los Angeles that's $600 for their name they spent like the first 300 on rent 200 my car that busted like the next week and it's like a hundred bucks for I don't know Wi-Fi okay now there was no Wi-Fi back then and so my heart just goes out to the fact that my parents have done so much for me and I think I realized more and more as I get older all the sacrifices that they made for me and perhaps that truth resonates with you but more on that later but you know I kind of joke around but growing up in an Asian family a Korean American household like Asian parents are kind of next-level right I joke around that I grew up with a lot of friends all from all sorts of diverse backgrounds but I'd be like weirded out when I had a lot of white friends growing up and their parents would be like Bobby you heard the most special thing ever we love you so much you got an A on your report card just one but that one a we're gonna keep that report card forever here's $20 go do whatever you want this weekend you can come home whenever you want are you kidding me I had like not getting straight A's that wasn't an option you know it's like straight A's or die a getting straight A's meant a able to live another year thank you Dad thank you B's meant brain damage is the reason for this C was child is no longer part of the family D is dead to the family and F is funeral optional I mean they're just no options here I mean I joke around but I kid you not and I think it has to do once again with that immigrant mentality where it's like we came here and we will we will succeed or we will die so you will too who's like we just want a skateboard and stuff but once again I mean I joke around but if you are from maybe an Asian background you can understand us a little bit more but for those of you who aren't just to like give you an idea what my family life was like we don't wear shoes inside the home no way man because you don't know where those shoes have been right so there's that hard work ethic like why am i studying for SATs in grade school I don't understand why am I here we're super frugal and appreciative of hard-earned money like my mom wouldn't let us replace the toothpaste we would have to cut it open and like get the rest of it before we tossed it I'm like why we have money why are you doing this mom this is so weird typically we never received hugs growing up we were never told I love you we were just told or asked are you hungry do you need money and I'm like can you give me a hug I know it's so sad but they never got that themselves in their culture they would insist that we eat more and later when they would comment on our weight if there's an issue that we had with a family member or a parent it would never be resolved directly ever it would just be dealt with passive-aggressive behavior that's how we did stuff and here's the thing I mean there's a lot of beautiful things about my family as well I'm just kind of joking in the negative but my dad he was actually the first convert to Catholicism in my family which is huge right I can't imagine growing up in a family where there was no level of faith because that is so foundational he was the first convert and growing up he was so devout that he actually renovated the home and he dedicated a room to be a chapel and so there's like an image of Our Lady and Saint Joseph and a crucifix and we would be forced to go pray there every day so my dad had a bell this notorious Bell and it was kind of like Pavlov's experiment you know be like ding and that basically meant drop everything you're doing and run otherwise experience the wrath divided guilt um so we would run we would drop whatever we're doing I would run up it was like a spiral staircase I'd run up I'd kneel down pray the world's fastest our Father Hail Mary glory be and then just book it back down and I did my Catholic thing that day and obviously like I didn't really care for this growing up but later on this would prove to be a really beneficial thing in my life listen every family functions differently I don't care what ethnicity you're from a culture what backgrounds you have a small family a big family we all come from family and every family does it a little bit differently and here's just a wonderful truth and it's better to accept this sooner than later no family is perfect if you weren't from the Holy Family it's not gonna be there all right I mean poor st. Joseph right he has the Immaculate Conception on one side he has a saviour of the world on the other side you know and the joke is there like at a parish near you they're like and st. joseph´s like I'm gonna go to confession you guys want to come and they're like why why my soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord Joseph I mean obviously he was like much holier than most men who have ever existed I mean foster father like father of Jesus hello but nonetheless family is not perfect unless you're the Holy Family or the Trinity so I'm sure none of us fit that description okay there is good and bad in every family under the Sun all right I actually got my master's degree in marriage and Family Therapy so I did pretty interesting Jay cool so maybe you're studying it right now I had a major conversion in college where all the stuff that I had learned all the stuff that I had been taught and and been given in youth ministry and all that stuff through all those years it didn't bear fruit till college and I was just like I was trying to major in partying and I did fairly well but there came a point in my life where I just experienced this deep emptiness and I knew that like this headlong pursuit into hedonism wasn't it and it was highly like dissatisfactory because like I thought that was the thing in college and so I remember very clearly like going back to my dorm room and like kneeling down and praying the rosary and in those moments of Prayer I would feel more peace and purpose and I did from a whole week's worth of fooling around remember I remember being invited back to confession through the connivance of Our Lady she's really good with stuff like that and I remember also like making my first good confession because up until that point I would just lie so I was i sat in front of my computer I typed up like a page and a half of all the sins that I could remember since I was born and I printed it out and like I destroyed the computer so no one could find it and I walked to like my local chaplaincy and I'm like father can you hear my confession he's like oh sure son I pulled this like paper it's like burning a hole in my pocket father this is gonna be a long one chapter one infancy and God is so good you know his mercy was just so available so present and I mean I don't need to tell you but obviously you've experienced it yourself the mercy of God is truly new every day and in the sacrament is just like unmatched but College was a huge time had a big conversion discerned for a few years with the CF RS the Franciscan friars the renewal amazing community of men and women spence's sisters of the renewal they actually had booths here go talk to them really hairy dudes I got the chance to live among these men truly some of the holiest men that I know and it was great formation for me ultimately it wasn't for me but I came back home and I decided what am I going to do with my life so I said I know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go back to school and accrue tens of thousands of dollars in debt so that so that's what I did I got my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy so here's the thing I spent all that money to learn that people have issues and problems in life alright so I'm gonna share that now I'm gonna drop some of that knowledge with you all today so you don't have to incur that debt you're welcome okay one of the things that we did during my studies it was really fascinating they had us create what was called a family genogram and this is a big word for a family tree with all the negative trimmings so you draw out the family tree couple generations great grandparents grandparents parents you guys if you had kids whatever so you draw this out and then there were all these little red marks everywhere all these different symbols that symbolize just the worst things you know those things that are just really tough like was there abuse was there physical abuse was there neglect was there early death was there suicide was there substance abuse were there problems and issues were there conflicted relationships where this person didn't talk to this person anymore was their divorce was her separation it's like everything under the Sun and dr. Phil the universe like it was there and it was kind of a hard assignment to do but we all sat there and we all drew out our family genogram and then one by one like my colleagues fellow students would come up and kind of share what their family was like or what they perceived in their family it was really eye-opening because we had one colleague who brought up her family genogram it was fascinating on one side of her family is her mother's side like couple generations divorce after divorce after divorce all on the same side all with the women on the side of the family and it just begged the question right this is a very difficult topic perhaps you and your own families have been touched by this reality it's not an easy thing but it begged the question why on this side of the family was this such a prevalent issue why did it keep occurring we didn't have the time to really psychoanalyze her family tree and all the history but then there were other people who would come up and lo and behold great-granddaddy had a problem with alcohol grande Papa learned from great granddaddy how to drink because that's what men do and when you have problems that's how you cope and guess what Dad learned from grandpa that the bottle was the way to deal to cope to manage with the stresses in life and then lo and behold the next generation and so it's fascinating that these behaviors both negative and positive but for this example it was all this negative stuff just kept reoccurring and it's amazing how these family patterns tend to repeat themselves if they are never dealt with perhaps you remember in the Old Testament right remember reading the Old Testament as a kid just thinking to myself thank God I wasn't born in that period I mean the Lord would have like smoked me just over it would have been really bad I would have had in like a short life in the Old Testament but I found it kind of awkward and somewhat unfair I mean obviously God is just he had his reasons but like people would screw up in the Old Testament and then God would be like because you have done this you're gonna get punished your your your next generations gonna get punished and then like not even them but like tons of generations after them are also going to get punished because of what you did you little jerk and I'm thinking oh gods pissed I'm thinking I don't know if that's fair but hey I mean God's doing his thing they obviously made him mad but I've pondered kind of that reality in the Old Testament and I wondered to myself was it that God was saying look I'm just gonna punish generation after generation or was it more of this alright you don't want to do it my way of course I want to bless you I want to prosper you and everyone in your family from generations and here on out but if you don't want to do it my way go ahead do it your way and see what happens cuz if you do it just your way do your own thing you don't want to consult me you don't want my wisdom or you don't have follow my commands think good luck let's see how it turns out hence the punishment on generation after generation after generation that semi sounds a lot more reasonable in terms of understanding these kinds of passages because left to our own devices certain behaviors left unchecked in us or anyone else in our family it just leads to hurt and perhaps you've seen this think of what your own family genogram would look like if you painted out generation after generation what do some of those relationships look like are there family members they don't talk to each other has there been abuse has there been early death has there been all sorts of things that are painful to even think about well tell you a true story of two students both were raised Catholic by their parents both were altar servers both lived on the same continent around the same time but their education was similar but their family lives are very different one student's father was short-tempered strict brutal regularly beat him into submission he was so intense that his this kids older brother ran away from home the second father or the second student's father was a prayerful man who lovingly raised him even after the boy's mother and brother passed away he modeled piety and kindness to all the first father is alloys Hitler father of the infamous Adolf Hitler and the second is Carol Voigt was senior father of st. John all the second now it's just a fascinating take on these two people who lived around the same time obviously their outcomes are very different and it's not to say that just because one's parents were amazing you'll be a future canonized saint and a pope at that I'm not it's no guarantee here and it's not to say that just because your dad was like cruel and unusual you'll become a future dictator right I mean I've seen some of these people on Twitter but I mean generally right clearly uh both of these men were products of their family environment in a sense little adolf clearly had some roadblocks he had to overcome and unfortunately life can be a little complex he chose a very bad path in life in hindsight is twenty-twenty welcome hashtag 20/20 we made it but um Shh one star on the stock that was Soleil but no matter the circumstance even little Adolf always had the freedom to choose his attitudes in life regardless of what kind of family he grew up in and so do we I have a friend named Andrew anyone from Kansas here hey yo so I have these two good friends and they live right near campus at Benedict in college and perhaps you guys have seen this woman speak here named Sarah Swofford it's a good friend of mine and her friends with their husband Andy Andy's a great man and I just want to mention him really quick because he had a father in his life who was not present at all you could typically put that title of deadbeat on this man and and no one would bat an eye and as a result you would think that Andy should have turned into the exact same person right because that's what guys do when they don't have that modeled what his fatherhood look like what does that mean he should have like filled in all of the stereotypical things that happens when a young man doesn't have that mentor that model to really emulate his life after but for Andy it was different thanks be to God he encountered the person of Christ He gave His life to him and he made a decision that he would be the exact opposite of what his father was in his life as a result he's a caring loving man they have five kids I think it's five Sara if you're watching this I don't know if it's five but congratulations um and II chose not to be a victim we live in a victim culture I'm not I'm not I'm not trying to poke fun or be critical at people who have genuinely experienced things but there's this attitude in our culture that leans to being a victim this happened to me that happened to me what was me like this happened and people need to pay and and granted that that is the truth depending on what we're talking about but that only helps a person to a certain point because if the attitude is I am a victim then it's very hard to move past to move forward to grow to see anything other than the trauma or the pain but rather to ask am I going to be the victim or will I choose to be the Victoire you know and II once again he could have chose the adage you know what this is what I got this is what I'm gonna hand down st. John Paul the second I don't know if you know this but he was orphaned in his early 20s everyone in his immediate family died his mother was the first to pass when he was young his older brother died of some disease that I can't recall at this time knows him and his dad his dad passed away and there he was completely alone in terms of his immediate family totally orphan the Nazis invaded his country you could say that this was a bad chapter in his life and young Carroll voice he WA could have become bitter coulda pointed fingers at God saying why would you do this to me how dare you how dare you do this to me my family were good people why why would you let me endure this but rather than take the role of victim he actually leaned more into his faith it could have gotten bitter at God but instead he trusted God even more and you know the outcome of the story there's two ways you could see any difficulty or problem in life as a stumbling block or as a stepping stone we all have the freedom to choose there's a famous author by the name of Viktor Frankl who survived a Nazi concentration camp and he survived this and he wrote this were called man's search for meaning and basically the essence of what he came to understand through this experience was this that every human freedom can be stripped away from a person he could literally exist in hell on earth ie a Nazi concentration camp I don't know how much worse it gets in that but he said this that despite everything that was taken away from him every freedom that was stripped away even the Nazis could not take one thing away from him the freedom to choose his own attitude no one could take that away and it was people who chose to hold on to hope who remembered that they have a loved one at home that they need to survive for these were the ones that made it what are our attitudes friends the last of the human freedoms is to choose ones attitude I just I want to bring that into light because sometimes it can just feel menacing these emotions that we have these things that have happened to us it feels like we're just spiraling and it's we're stuck and this has happened me that have this is happening to me and I'm just stuck and no good could possibly come but we know the story we serve a God who took the worst thing ever and brought the best thing out of it Redemption Good Friday they became an Easter Sunday but back to family at an early age all boys and girls have a fundamental question that they need answered particularly by their fathers right it's no mystery that young young people the first people who really represent God to them are their parents they rely on their parents right we relied on our parents for everything so we grow older we're more autonomous but when you're little I mean that's all you have so this question that girls have in particular to their father is this and ladies see if this resonates in your heart the question is do you love me do you want me am i beautiful to you this is the million dollar question that a young girl has directed towards her father for the boys this question is way different generally speaking boys don't run around stop in front of their dad and say am I pretty do you yeah if you have siblings in your life or little ones I mean if you just observe them long enough I mean boys and girls are hard wired so differently it's insane like my boy is just like stark difference from my girl and obviously there's similarities but the question that a young boy has directed towards his father sounds different and usually it resonates in this way dad do I have what it takes do you believe in me am I gonna be okay these are the questions right now if you're blessed if you're fortunate these questions have been answered by your father he has with with utter clarity and with love has responded to this question and has spoken that truth into your life my daughter I love you you mean the world to me you're beautiful I'll do anything for you my son you have what it takes you got this I mean number one fan but if you're all too normal then maybe this question hasn't always been answered maybe it's still a question that you carry you know I I dare say it I feel like in our culture so much of the attitudes that at least I see this very reactionary culture this attack on masculinity calling it toxic and granted there are examples of quote unquote toxic masculinity but masculinity isn't the issue here authentic masculinity is not the issue all right masculinity actually in this situation is a lot of the solution if it was lived out as it should be going back to the fathers if they answer this question we wouldn't have so many young adults walking around in life wondering where does their value come from you know and I've seen it I've seen it among my peers and my friends and you wonder why all this destructive behavior what are you looking for what are you trying to prove friends in my life who are ladies running after these guys were absolutely garbage and no good for them and I'm thinking why are you doing this to yourself why are you going after this guy what are you trying to prove and I'm in a strange sort of subconscious way the guy reminds her of her dad and she's going to fix him and to get his attention in his love because in some strange twisted way if she can get the love of this guy then somehow it'll resolve the love she didn't get from a dad and it's so wrong it's so painful and you know we all face that in different ways maybe that's not your scenario but so often it goes back to that question Who am I where does my worth come from do I have what it takes am i loved am I cherished so maybe you're listening to this talk and maybe you're starting to get triggered a little bit sorry but it was called if your family has issues come to this job we live in a world where family needs tremendous renewal and maybe when you think of God the Father you get triggered maybe you back out of that prayer and you just turn to Jesus because when you say father it weirds you out the universal sort of response when someone has asked about their father it's either they start kind of crying or getting angry or they light up with joy it's truly one to the other it's so polarized as it's insane and when we turn to the Father in Heaven it's kind of the same thing isn't it where the father reminds you of your own father who was your father to you because Jesus through the Gospel of John constantly saying my father this my father that and the disciples like my father and my father you know my father's the best yeah congratulations Jesus but that's why he was pointing everyone to him Philip asked him show us the father you keep talking about this guy show him to us he says Philip haven't you been with me for years when you see me you see the father when you see me you see the father everything that he has done and accomplished everything that he has done in love and mercy and sacrifice was the initiative and the prerogative of the father to make that happen to remind us of who the father is you see Jesus and you see the father I love this quote from Romans chapter 8 15 through 16 for you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear but you received a spirit of adoption through which we cry Abba Father the spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God brothers and sisters I dare say that at the turn of my conversion in college in a weird way I spent more time with our lady than I did with the father and I think God was cool with it he sent our lady my way now I wasn't worshipping her obviously I reverence her I love her she's my mother and yours but I was spending time with her and she was teaching me about her son to the rosary but I wasn't ready yet to like chill and spend time with the father in heaven like I obviously we do that he is God and all of our prayers and actions are directed to him but do you kind of understand what I'm saying here it's like God purposefully sent the mother my way I had a good relationship with my mom growing up I had a bad relationship with my dad growing up and I did not have the confidence even in my spiritual life to approach the father it's really weird but I look back and it makes a lot of sense and the mother was slowly and surely teaching me about Jesus her son and what he had done for me and then Jesus was doing what he did throughout the gospel my father look at my father he's so good and as the father has loved me so I love you for God so loved the world that he sent me to save you do you get it and as a thirtysomething year-old man I'm still learning I'm still wrestling with it but I'm learning and what I'm learning it's so freeing when you realize the Heavenly Father loves you as and sisters you are loved regardless of what your relationship with your dad was truly everything that you've wanted in the dad is what the Heavenly Father is about he loves you he believes in you you are not your greatest sin your issue your problem that you bring into this hall today you are not the sum of your faults said my great hero st. John Paul you are not the sum of your failures you were the sum of the Father's love for you and what is the Father's love everything that Jesus accomplished everything he endured everything for you I'm a dad believe it or not got three kids it's amazing right being a dad is such a fascinating experience I love being a dad there are moments I don't like being a dad why because it brings both the best and the worst out of me simultaneously it's maddening right one moment I'm in love and I'm like the next I'm like why why would you pee on the carpet right before guests get here that was literally my New Year's Eve people I love my kids I do I'd like to think I'm a good dad but I'm imperfect I'm a sinner I confess anger a lot now a lot more than I did before but I love my kids and you know a lot of times I'm traveling from ministry and it was a few summers ago my wife sent me a text and historically speaking a little bit of backstory historically speaking whenever I'd wake up and pick up my son right the first words out of his mouth would be mama mama mama I like what I might see you go get a job get out of here I don't care oh but heard about it you know my wife sends me a text once summer I'm flying to an event and it's a picture of my it's a video of my son he's literally standing in his highchair he has his shirt off I don't know why and he's like duh where is you and I'm sitting in the plane I'm like oh hell no somebody get emotional I start to ugly try by myself I'm like turbulence getting emotional all by himself on my phone and you know God speaks to me a lot in moments like this he teaches me all the time through my kids and beautiful moments in an ugly moments and you know what God said to me in that moment it's like Paul you love your son don't you like I love him I'd do anything for him this is my boy this is my son he means the world to me it's like he loved me so much and I know that and the way you feel it's beautiful feeling isn't it it's like it's the best hey gods like you're a good man you're an imperfect father though but I'm a perfect father I imagine what I feel and experience when you call on my name and I was like ugly crying again it's amazing the Father's love and this is one of those things we will we will meditate on the Father's love for all of eternity and friends the deeper we go the deeper we grow in our spiritual life I believe that that everything is just directed towards that us reuniting with the father finding confidence in him understanding who we are and who's we are because when that happens and it's fullness we are totally and utterly free nothing else matters we know exactly who we are we know exactly what our values aren't worth it is it doesn't matter this crap show of comparison social media popularity does nothing it none of this matters because we are completely content and safe we're completely confident and who we are because we know who's we are friends you know who else had a family tree with problems Jesus remember that reading during Advent the most Awkward reading of the year it's the reading where as soon as it starts everyone's eyeballs glaze over like the donuts are about to have aftermath it's the genealogy of Jesus according to the Gospel of Matthew remember that one this person whose name you cannot pronounce begot this person whose name the lady can't pronounce either and it goes on and on for fourteen generations and you're like uh-huh but if we were paying attention and perhaps better read in scripture in Salvation history we'd understand that these names are actually profoundly important because God used all of them to eventually get to us and if you study these characters that are mentioned in this reading you'll realize these weren't all shining glorious Saints sir people with serious issues and problems you had a prostitute you had a king who had an affair and killed the guy to cover it up because he got the girl pregnant King David you had people who had serious problems and he why Jesus you could pick any family we did not have that luxury you did why would you do that to yourself why because he's faithful and he made promises way before all of the mess started to happen he made promises and he's good on his promises and despite all the problems in this family he was going to follow through that's who God is that's how God is Oh Kanye um no one gets to pick their family but Jesus did and why did he pick that family because he's faithful but also he's telling us a really important message here he came to reverse the cycle he accomplished everything that these people could not quite get you know the Israelites wander than does it for 40 years and they didn't get it they were unfaithful they rebelled over and over again and Jesus shows up he's like look I'm gonna shorten my time but for 40 days I'm gonna fast I'm gonna pray in the desert I'm gonna show you how it's done and I'm not trying to one-up you I'm just trying to do what you couldn't do because I'm here to save you I'm here to redeem you I'm here to pick up the slack and pick up your mess because I love to crap out of you this is who God is so God picks his family and he comes to reverse the cycle he comes to make good on these promises that he made generations prior and God Himself is the very origin of family the Trinity Communion in persons Father Son and Holy Spirit Christ inserted himself into the broken but beautiful human family we belong to to redeem it and you know this but in sending his son to become like one of us in our humanity our Heavenly Father literally and spiritually adopted each and every one of us into his own divine family first John 3:1 see what the Fossey what love the father has bestowed on us that we may be called children of God brothers and sisters your children of God children of the Most High this is the good news as I said before friends no matter what your background is no matter what kind of family of origin you come from God has a plan for your life in your family tree as well you can consider all the things that aren't going right in your family all the problems that need to be resolved all the healing that needs to take place but the good news is once again regardless of how colorful that is regardless of what kind of dysfunction and hurt in your family regardless of what kind of heartache betrayal disappointment went down you can become the change in your family just like Christ you can become the future a husband or wife you always wanted to see emulated you can become the father of the mother that you always wanted to to experience yourself you can have a blessed and happy marriage and family life you can become the change in your family and not even in the future but even now but we need God's help and grace we need to acknowledge the areas in of our lives friends that need work this is so much of the difficulty of young adulthood friends and adulthood and beyond it's the humble and grueling task of honestly looking in the mirror and looking into the Eucharist in adoration and saying oh crap there's this problem in my life now you have a couple options you could distract the crud out of your life and not deal with it could party it away shop it away smoke it away sex it away you could do lots of things you could turn from all of the responsibility of bettering oneself or you could look at it straight in the eye with Christ at your side and say no more this stops with me the hurt the brokenness the pain the negative behaviors that keep getting rehashed and all of our family members enough it stops with me it's not weakness to acknowledge that you have struggles and problems in your life it's weakness to see it and do nothing about it consider friends that before you had your conversion a lot of you you've had these radical conversions in your life you come to know the Lord and things are good but what's gonna start happening is that the Lord is going to show you more and more the things in your life that have always been there that need mercy that need healing do not be shocked God is not like who oh my me I didn't know that was there get out of here kid my mercy is not this extensive not for this problem you're a hot mess hey he knew about this from the beginning and he's never scared of it friends never doubt never fear the mercy of God it will cover everything in your life this talk might be stirring up some things for you if that's the case I invite you to speak with the caring mentor adult in your life maybe this is a pastor maybe this is a focused missionary maybe this is a therapist I've gone it helps maybe it's a counselor a parent it's a good friend in your life I don't know talk to somebody it's a great fallacy to think that being a Christian means I have all my crap together it does not mean that whatsoever if if people portray this to you run away from them it's not reality all the disciples had baggage I guarantee you all the Saints did as well I wish these dang authors of these biographies of saints were actually more honest because it would give us a lot more encouragement to realize these were everyday people like you and me with brokenness and sin in their life who had to deal to the last day of their life on earth but it was worth it it was good it was the most worthy cause because in bettering ourselves who are we bettering the body of Christ your future marriage your future parish your future family your future kids your future spiritual children your future neighbors the world don't deal with this alone God is calling you today friends to be the change you want to see in your family it sounds cliche but it really that's where the buck stops there's problems in your family don't wait for your family to fix it just like the spiritual family problems in your diocese don't wait for the diocese to fix it you do something right I hear it all the time complaints about the church my church terrible the music's terrible preaching is terrible doughnuts are terrible how can you miss some doughnuts you know so many complaints and you know I wonder all the times we complain I wonder if that's the Holy Spirit saying here do something about it you don't like the music go join the choir you don't like the preaching you go join the seminary you don't like the doughnuts wake up two hours before Mass and go get some yourself and share with others how often are the complaints actually an invitation to do something how often is the pain and the brokenness and the disappointment we see in our families an invitation to do something you know that's saying that a smile attracts a smile yes and the opposite is the bird attracts a bird you've seen it on the highway I don't know yeah a grimace attracts a grimace I mean you know it is basic human behavior that positivity kindness authentic love and charity and Christ it is attractive perhaps that is why you all came to SL because someone who fits this bill invited you here but you know what Mother Teresa would say when people who are just so stoked to be in Calcutta India to join the mission of the missionaries of charity I'm here to serve I want to serve the poorest of the poor with you mother I want to like be hardcore like you you know mother Teresa would always remind them of she would say go back home and be a missionary in your family go and be a missionary in your own flippin family that means that leper who you're washing and bathing and you've taken a selfie because you know that's what you do no I'm kidding that's terrible don't do that but you know what I'm saying it's like people are so stoked to go on missions not a bad thing but how many of these people are stoked to go back home and love the leper in their midst yeah the person who's seemingly possessed but you're not quite sure the one or the one who just rants about politics that's all they do they must always bring up something political why why'd you just why'd you do that everyone's all intense and indigestion cuz we know where this is going my friends perhaps that's the invitation from the Lord the reminder to say whatever you did for the least of my brothers and sisters you did it to me I was poor I was hungry I was a prisoner a prisoner in my own head a prisoner to my own negative behaviors that brings the whole flippin family down but mystically there I was and obviously Christ isn't responsible for that kind of behavior but nonetheless he is there isn't he so friends a couple things just to encourage honor your mother and father respect them they are imperfect they are imperfect but they are trying I guarantee it when you become oh my gosh I'm sounding like your parents when you become a mother and father you will understand where I'm coming from Joseph Anthony oh my gosh I get it now it haunts me I'm like oh no no but it's so true so much of what we experienced we emulate right I will never say or do what my parents did to me and I just did that last week to my kids what is life and here I am presented with that same situation where I need to better myself through the grace and mercy of Christ honor your mother and father forgive them I bet they love you I guarantee you they love you now the way you would hope to experience to hear to feel that love maybe that doesn't always translate but I guarantee you they're trying they might be really really bad at it but they're trying cut them some slack they have people there are people with issues just like you and me this is their first time being parents forgiveness includes both forgiving those that have hurt us and humbly recognizing ways that we have hurt others asking for forgiveness you know when I find it very hard to forgive people both in my family and outside my family really great meditation for me is I imagine myself at the foot of the cross on one side and I imagine the person on the other side and Christ is looking at both of us and then he looks at me and he says I forgave them and I forgave you will you forgive them for me and I'm like yes but it's true have we not all been forgiven have we not all been like that person who was forgiven so much of his debt and when people who create lesser debts in our lives and we want to throw them in jail oh that one's hard I don't like that one without it's so true forgiveness we need that and people need that whether it's your family member or friend next step is pray for your family intentionally pray for your family every day they need it and prayer works but prayer takes time it takes patience God's ways are not always our ways his timeframe is not always our timeframe but I guarantee you don't also put it on yourself to save your family it'll reduce a lot of stress in your life early on in my conversion I took a responsibility to change people in my family and then when I realized that Jesus couldn't even change the people in his own family I was like maybe I should just give it a break you don't have to be their Savior just love on them and pray for them and chances are God will use someone other than yourself to help them along the way but love them nonetheless service put others first give up yourself do things for others without being asked it's amazing how many of our families we have rituals things that we've done for years and years and years and what happens when someone does something different say in your family no one ever says I love you it's the most awkward thing it's like the world's tallest chalkboard you just scratch it all the way down what if you go back home and you're like hey mom hey Dad I love you they're like ah thank you you know you would think well you should've said it first but what if God is saying no you say it first because they never got that I'm saying that to you you give that to them go say I love you don't expect anything back just give it cuz that's who I am I just give up myself I want you to do the same give give love forgive first see the good in these other people spend time together be present to one another put the dang phone away like just get to talk to them it's crazy but your parents will not always be here forever yeah sad but kind of awkward too like wow it's like I get it guys college gave me a little bit awkward you're kind of finding your autonomy and they're still like bringing in their color commentary you're like ah I'm an adult ah and they're just they're saying it because they care love on your parents get to know them ask them questions about what it was like growing up what their stories are you'll just be amazed at just the greatness of it all or you could just stick on you know that phone in front of your face and just avoid any sort of meaningful conversation in your life you could do that friends pray together if you still have the opportunity to spend time with your family maybe your family goes to Mass great maybe you can encourage it maybe they don't go maybe you could invite them maybe they stopped praying before meals maybe you could be like hey guys do you mind if I pray and even if they're like the name of the Father the Son of the Holy Spirit it's amazing how often I hear it that often God uses the very children in the family to evangelize the rest I have a friend here who I was pleasantly surprised I'm getting really old but she was at a Steubenville conference that I was speaking at and thanks be to God God used that to help her along in her faith journey as she eventually became Catholic as a result not because of anything I did but what the Holy Spirit was doing through that conference and it was her witness that later stoked that question the rest of her family members like what is this thing about Catholicism and eventually her family becomes Catholic hello be a missionary at home be a missionary in your community do not be afraid to be that awkward person who decides to love first brothers and sisters everything that I've said here nothing is revolutionary you know I don't have a doctorate it's all very basically basic but that's the thing about the gospel it's accessible to each and every one of us friends for a moment I just want you to consider who is someone in your life who needs your love let's pray in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit amen Heavenly Father thank you so much for inviting us here to this place thank you for giving us this opportunity to consider what is our role in the family and renewing the family Lord so many of us at times get troubled at the way things are or aren't in our family lives and we can get so focused on those points or those disappointments that we forget to look at the solution God you what you are the origin of family you love and care for us in our families but would help us in this moment to consider who is that person in our family right now who needs our love who needs our forgiveness who needs that helping hand who needs that surprise who needs that quality time who needs that phone call what is that thing that my family needs friends I just invite you for a moment whatever the Holy Spirit is putting on your heart with the image of that person whoever that person is and chances are you already know who that person is I want you to visualize him right now and I want you to see Christ standing behind them with his hand on their shoulder and he's looking at you and he looks at you with the most beautiful gaze in his eyes and it's a gaze that totally takes you and takes all of the pressure and all the nervousness it just it erases it and Christ looks at you and he says you're precious to me I love you and you have what it takes go be a missionary to your family go love as I did I will help you Jesus we ask for your strength because we don't have it it doesn't come from us but with you we can do all things heavenly father right now in the name of Jesus we lift up our family each number one of these people we thank you for the good in each of them help us to see the good especially when it's difficult to even go there and help us to be reminded Lord that we are called to be here your hands your feet your words and your gaze of love we ask this through Christ our Lord as we say hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death amen Our Lady of Guadalupe pray for us st. Joseph pray for us the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit [Music]

Channel: FOCUS Catholic

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Length: 53min 53sec (3233 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 03 2020