If Sims were self-aware

how'd a Benjamin Amanda you put the burger no no that musician thing didn't pan out I mean yeah I was almost at the top of the career track but work everyday no vacations no weekends in a crappy daily pay I sold my windows just thought a pizza uh one day I missed my carpool cuz I was in the dog I thought I'd be fine but I got a phone call saying I've been fired they called you on the phone a phone call same company from Subway busca all the way up to studio musician and this is what I get for my loyalty idiots so I'm thinking to myself you know I got skills creativity charisma even some body I should get a new job I'll get promoted like crazy but I check the paper every day and one of the openings slacker scientist politician you know me friends you got to maintain to be a good politician 17:17 when I check the papers the next day and guess what I see career track for a criminal where's the dotted line right so my couple shows up the next day I arrive on time I'm a pickpocket one day and then get this promoted bagman one day promoted bookie con artist getaway driver bank robber Pat burglar up the ranks like a boss until two weeks later my new career tireless get this criminal mastermind Mortimer you really are a wonderful person so anyway Paul is the money coming in from criminal mastermind which is great cuz I'm buying all this ridiculous [ __ ] I'm talking sensory deprivation chamber I got VR goggles I got a skydiving simulator mechanical bull yeah that wasn't stolen you stole it nah it was stolen from me I saw the whole thing happened this guy comes up to my house in the dead of night wearin no [ __ ] black and white stripes with a bandana over his eyes and a black cap oh [ __ ] and I got all my expensive [ __ ] in the backyard who wants to build extra walls just to fit all that stuff in there and he walks in and I [ __ ] you not picks up the mechanical bull with one hand and puts it in his money back Mortimer your hair wait wait what how does a fit who the [ __ ] knows goddamn Mary Poppins so there you have it Bob criminal mastermind gets his ass stolen from Mortimer you really are a wonderful person Oh Oh me well I've been keeping to myself lately never had much interest in a job so I've just been living off that money that everyone gets when they first start existing that rosebud a couple months ago I got really sick strangers walking down my sidewalk because I mean that's my side walls you know idiots and that's an invasion of privacy you were my first friends so you understand we haven't talked in a while so technically we're not friends anymore of course look at my house there's no wall it's just this labyrinth of chairs people walking by can see me so I decided to do something about it next time a guy walks down my sidewalk I invite him in or well over this guy's name is Jeff Pleasant oh yeah I remember him what happened to him oh we make small talk you know I entertain him with my puppet tell him a joke knock-knock there swimming pool swimming pool ho swimming pool with no way ah suggest stomach starts from I take him into the living room which is all wooden chairs I've got the grill going he takes the cheeseburger I set the mood I think the four fireplaces and I saw him some of my garden gnomes Mortimer you look really nice today oh the fireplaces are lit he finishes his cheeseburger but he's still hungry so he has another but there's nowhere to sit so he just stands there like an idiot couldn't you sit in the chance oh what they're turned the wrong way so he tries to leave but there's a chair blocking the exit now so he's trapped in there eating cheeseburgers by the fireplace I go play chess by myself for a while and after three hours old Jeff Pleasant is whining about how he's not having any fun waving and shouting at the sky meanwhile I've came to logic points horn imir you have really pretty eyes ah another hour goes by Eddie wets himself like an idiot but then he finally catches fire because of the fireplace in the fireplaces and he's waving his arms around and screaming and bumping up against the chairs and the gnomes and they're exploding and knocking him around but before long he's just a pile of ashes and an urn I clean up the ashes and I put the urn on my bookshelf all these a yes I guess always the same way variations on the field and you do this until this nobody left on the sidewalk until there's no one left walking down my goddamn sidewalk now well fantastic God David I love living in an unregulated society anyway I gotta go i Jewish the ghosts of my victims wouldn't leave me alone listen Bob Moore really wonderful person I've never had much use for friends i Bob completes come on Mortimer you're a criminal mastermind sure that you can find your way out of this Oh Bob this blue Oh

Channel: Slacktory

Views: 20,125

Rating: 4.7969093 out of 5

Keywords: The Sims (Video Game Series), The Sims (Video Game), Life Simulation (Video Game Genre), Video Game (Industry), funny, Comedy (Film Genre), Slacktory, Alex Coulombe, TJ Clark, Michael Finn, Mortimer Goth, Bob Newbie

Id: t9UaCrjkgj8

Length: 11min 13sec (673 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 16 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/iamkoalafied]

Haha, put all the stuff in the backyard because who wants to build extra walls. I'm guilty of doing this :P

[u/FireOpalCO]

Now I really miss my superhero in City of Heroes called Bob Newbie. He was a perfect replica.

Sigh.

[u/reneelizabeth]

Anyone else notice the "in game" time as it zooms in on Bob ends at 6:66 am?

Also, his face as the fire catches him is just really deep.

[u/MrsMoooooose]

This was so awesome!